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Toxic Girlfriend – A Complete Guide with Signs and Quiz

Toxic Girlfriend – A Complete Guide with Signs and Quiz

Updated on Sep 22, 2022 | Published on Sep 02, 2022

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Toxic Girlfriend - Meaning, Signs, How To Break Up, Quiz and More

There is no rulebook for an ideal girlfriend, but a toxic girlfriend can only hamper the peace and happiness of a relationship.

Going forward in this article, we will talk about who is a toxic girlfriend, the signs of a toxic girlfriend which you should take note of along with other details.

What Is The Meaning of a Toxic Girlfriend 

Summary
Toxic girlfriend is a woman who always feels that you are falling short of her expectations, no matter what you do. She always finds faults in your actions and adopts different ways to ridicule you.

A toxic girlfriend is someone whose mind has wrong perceptions concerning love and romance. The kind of expectations she keeps in her mind, her intention to share and devote to the relationship along with her needs in love are completely unrealistic.

She has high expectations from her boyfriend but is prepared to give very little. This individual can be a very good person from the heart, but her skewed idea of love and relationships keeps showing up through how she behaves with her boyfriend.

It leads to a lack of trust, and frustration and makes you feel stressed, hence ruining what could have been an ideal relationship for both of you to cherish.


Signs of a Toxic Girlfriend

It does not take a long time for a romantic relationship to go haywire. One of the main reasons behind this occurrence is the presence of a toxic girlfriend.

There is a notion that states, if behavioral patterns of your girlfriend drain you mentally and physically, it is surely not a good sign but a sign of toxicity.

Let us now unravel the red flags or the different signs of a toxic girlfriend, which will also help determine the signs of a toxic relationship.

1. Focus on Giving, But Not Taking

As a man, you should look to identify the things which your girlfriend brings to the table. You need to ask yourself some questions, especially if you feel as if it is one-way traffic and she is not reciprocating similar sentiments.

You would see that your girlfriend tends to have unreasonably high expectations of all those things that you are supposed to do for her. Unfortunately, she fails to meet the standards she has set for you. The rules are only applicable to you and not to her.

2. Does Not Bother about Honesty

One of the most important components of a healthy relationship is honesty. However, this is not fully applicable to a toxic girlfriend. Somehow, it is something that doesn’t matter to her because she can never be transparent in her actions.

If you manage to catch her in a tight situation, she is always ready with her harmless, white lies to use as her defense for coming out of it. Whatever the reason, lies should never be part of any relationship.

3. Small Misses Feel as If It’s the End of the World

There can be occasions when you might not live up to the promises you had made to your girlfriend. 

She might have told you to get something while coming back from the office. Unfortunately, you forgot after having a hard day at work, or you missed reserving the table on time at her favorite restaurant for your Valentine’s Day dinner date.

Honestly, these slip-ups are not a big deal, when you have an understanding partner. It is not so when you are in a relationship with a toxic individual. 

She will try to make you pay in whichever way possible and you’ll feel as if you have committed blunders. Hence, it is a major red flag.

4. She Maintains a Scorecard of the Relationship

One of the classic signs of a toxic relationship with a girlfriend is when she keeps note of all your mistakes and never misses out on the opportunity to remind you of them. 

Social media chats history plays a major role in this respect. This way, she always tries to keep you on your toes.

Perhaps, you had not shown up at her friend’s birthday bash five years ago, while you were just dating. 

You might have been going through a rough patch and hence did not feel like attending it. She makes sure to remind you of how awful she had felt that time, whenever you argue.

5. She is Always Right

A toxic girlfriend will never admit her mistake. She feels that she is always right. Whatever problems and arguments she gets into with her partner are due to her boyfriend. It does not take even a moment to blame her boyfriend’s shoulders.

She will always find a way to justify all her actions. There are reasons up her sleeves to counter whatever point you raise for making her realize any mistake. No matter what you do to pinpoint her flaws, she will never accept them.

6. Restricts Your Personal Life

When you are with a girl who always tries clinging to you on all occasions, rest assured that she is not trying to showcase how much she cares or loves you. 

Your personal life and your relationships with friends or family members have been badly hit since you have been dating her.

She will always use her tantrums and temper to stop you from doing what you love.  Planning for a night out with friends? 

A tantrum is waiting to explode. If you wish to stay back at home to watch a game, she will start to emotionally blackmail you about ending the relationship. In both cases, you are walking on eggshells.

7. She Will Not Bother to Take Care of Your Needs

A disappointing aspect of any relationship is when your girlfriend does not bother about taking care of your requirements. 

She will feel happy as long as you manage to fulfill her needs. This is not only a tell-tale sign of a manipulative girlfriend but also a sign of a toxic relationship.

Forget about fulfilling them, she will make you feel guilty for having these expectations. She will not even realize that you also need space to spend time with people, including your friends, and family members, and carry out your responsibilities toward them.

8. She Has Control Over Every Aspect of Your Life

It happens to be one of the signs that are extremely difficult to identify since she does everything disguised as love. 

Slowly but surely, she will take over every single aspect of your life and even have a say in your full-time job. She will resort to passive-aggressive behavior and keep a close watch over your actions.

Every individual has their own choices. Hence, only love and affection toward someone cannot make them change their preferences all of a sudden, but there lies the trouble. 

If you insist on doing things how you like, she will instantly start lecturing you on the harmful effects that habit might have on your health.

9. Purposefully Taking Back Emotional Support

Another typical sign that can easily make you say that your girlfriend is toxic is when she takes away all her emotional and physical assistance when you need it the most. 

You might want to have some time with her after coming back from a hard day’s work, but to your dismay, she will start to distance herself from you.

What’s even worse, she might just come up with a contemptuous statement to reiterate the fact that she had already told you earlier, but you did not pay attention to her. This is sufficient to remove all kinds of doubts about whether she is toxic.

10. Withholding of Intimacy as a Form of Punishment

Perhaps you have done something to upset her mood, which is quite a common occurrence when you are with a toxic girlfriend. 

Now, rather than telling you how your actions had made her feel, she will start giving you the cold shoulder and try to withdraw herself.

It is enough to make your relationship an unstable one, rather than making you feel safe to freely share thoughts and feelings. 

If you wish to know if something has gone wrong, she will not let you know anything in detail, but give out a blunt answer like, ‘’I’m fine’’. This is a typical response that a toxic girlfriend gives to make sure that you do not ask further questions.


How to Deal with a Toxic Girlfriend?

We often hear statements related to romantic relationships saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 

Now, what if you are in a relationship with someone who is clingy, who always puts you down every now and then, leaving no stone unturned to criticize you?

If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some of the tips that you can follow to tackle your toxic girlfriend –

1. Do Not Wait for Her Apologies

Is your girlfriend constantly disrespectfully treating you? You should not give in to her trick of saying ‘I’m sorry after every bad behavior. She is not genuinely sorry for what she does. It is just a way to keep the relationship going by continuing to do what she always does.

2. Try Not to Let Her Guilt Make You Change Your Mind

A toxic girlfriend is very good at manipulating her partner and getting the kind of response she wants from him. 

She might try playing the victim card or even portray herself as vulnerable to manipulate you. You must not allow her toxic ways to get the best out of you. If you see her trying out any such thing, stop her immediately.

3. Do Not Let Fear Grip Your Mind

Your girlfriend can threaten you from time to time that she will break up with you. She might even try to hurt herself, whenever things do not go as she wants. If you ever come across this scenario, take a firm stand and end things right there.

4. Her Friendships Should Not Define Your Personality

When you are with a toxic girlfriend, she might always try to assert control over your life. This includes all those friends you opt for spending quality time with. 

If she constantly briefs you about how you should not hang out with a certain group of people, then it is not only unfair but also a prime example of toxic behavior.

5. Do Not Succumb to Temptation Because of Lust

Lust is different from love, and a toxic girlfriend knows how to use your attraction to them against you. 

She might look to convince you that if you put an end to the relationship, he would not receive a similar kind of physical pleasure anywhere else. Remain firm and do not give in to her tendency to seduce you in any manner.

6. Do Not Allow Her to Use Sex as a Weapon

If you find that your girlfriend is often trying to entice you sexually or make you desperate for sex by playing with your emotions, then it is time to say goodbye to her. Sex should never be the tool that someone should use to make or break you.

7. You Should Never Her Spiteful Words Hurt Your Self-Esteem

When your girlfriend constantly criticizes and hurts your self-esteem with the words she uses against you, then it is time that you put an end to this relationship. Nothing should matter to you more than your image.

8. Never Allow Her to Disrespect Your Privacy

Have you come across situations where your girlfriend constantly checks your phone, goes through your chats with a female friend, reads all the text messages, or even logs into emails without your permission? 

If you see her engaging in these toxic habits from time to time, you need to walk away from this relationship immediately and no longer walk on eggshells.

9. Do Not Allow Her Sex Life Define You

There is a difference between hearing about your girlfriend’s sexual past and facing the brunt of it in this relationship. She can tell you about the level of sex she used to enjoy earlier. 

It is a way to convey to you she does not receive that now, which results in sexual frustration. Do not pay heed to all those things and only focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

10. No Need to Stay with Someone Who Thinks You Are Not Good for Her

If your girlfriend always puts you down in whatever you say or do and keeps telling you that she deserves someone better in her life, it is high time that you let her go. There is absolutely no reason why you should accept anything less than what you deserve.


Things Toxic Girlfriend Say

Pay close attention to what your girlfriend says. You will easily manage to tell if she is toxic or not. Words have immense power to either build someone or break that person down.

If you fall in the latter category, those are the warning signs of a bad girlfriend you should never ignore.

Following are some of the things that toxic girlfriends say to negatively impact their relationships –

1. You do not have sufficient time for me.

2. You are never by my side when I need you the most.

3. You make our relationship only about you and your needs.

4. You should be thankful for having me in your life.

5. No one in this world loves me, not even you.

6. You are overreacting, it is not a big deal.

7. You need to change your attitude.

8. Don’t ever raise that topic again.

9. You do not make enough money to fulfill my demands.

10. My exes hold more importance in my life than you do.

11. If you do not listen to me and do as per my liking, it means that you do not love me.

12. You are so annoying. Can you please leave me alone for some time?


How to Break Up with a Toxic Girlfriend?

It is quite difficult to know where you should start, even when you have already made up your mind to break up with a toxic girlfriend. You should have a support system and find different ways for boosting your self-esteem.

Following are some of the tips, which can help you break up with your toxic girlfriend –

1. Accept Your Part

Normally, some relationships start pretty well and do not come off as toxic from the word go. Rather it slowly becomes one over time due to the presence of toxic people. Accepting the fact that if you had done certain things differently will help you as you move forward in future relationships.

2. Focus on Your Needs

Breaking up with a toxic girlfriend and ending a relationship is the only option left for you to find peace. 

Still, it can make you feel bad, as, at the start of the relationship, you had looked forward to a bright future with her. You should get rid of these feelings that can make you weak and remain committed to doing what is suitable for your life.

3. Gain Support

You must develop a reliable support network through a friend or family member, who can offer proper relationship advice

Ones, who can offer requisite courage in taking the drastic step of finally getting rid of your toxic girlfriend and restoring peace. It is important to discuss different ideas and go through scenarios for a smooth transition.

4. Stay Prepared

It is crucial to have a clear idea of what you wish to say and how you want to express your thoughts to get the message across to her. When you are ending a toxic relationship, it is always better to practice whatever you want to say. 

Prepare yourself for a wide range of reactions that your toxic girlfriend might come up with after getting to know of your intention.

5. Express Your Feelings Wholeheartedly

While talking to your toxic girlfriend about ending the relationship, you should be aware of the triggers they might have depending on the kind of role they play in your life. 

Use words that put the focus of what you are feeling, on yourself, rather than completely on their actions and words.


How to Get Over a Toxic Girlfriend?

You can choose to end the relationship with a toxic girlfriend. Then, what next? Do you think it will be easy for you to accept your decision after some time?

Let me tell you that healing from this kind of relationship can be quite challenging, particularly if you had to face emotional abuse and criticism. Staying away from this abusive partner is the way to go.

Following are the tips you can follow to stop feeling bad and permanently get over your toxic girlfriend –

1. Respect Your Emotions

Leaving any relationship that does not allow you to lead a life on your terms, will help you feel good about yourself. If you are leaving a toxic relationship, it can help you get a sense of freedom but can still become extremely difficult to forget the experiences.

This is where you need to give yourself sufficient time to gather your thoughts and feel all kinds of emotions circling your mind. You should not try to hold back your feelings. It can be a disaster and can further stretch your time to heal.

2. Avoid Contacting Your Partner to Check Up on How She is Doing

You would not surely not be trusting your partner, after what you have gone through in the relationship. Hence, it is best to give sufficient time to yourself and avoid all kinds of contact with her.

No matter how much she tries different ways to come back into your life, avoid having any friendly connection. 

You should just concentrate on picking up all the pieces and getting them back together. Treat your experience as a lesson to avoid sustaining future unhealthy relationships.

3. Do Not Expect Closure

You might look to keep a transparent line of communication with your ex-girlfriend. It is so because you hope to receive an apology from her as a form of closing the relationship on good terms.

There is no need to wait for a sincere apology as it is an exhaustive process and it might never come. The closure that you expect will in all probability, not come from your ex, but from within yourself through the healing process.

4. Surround Yourself with Positive People

You should make sure to surround yourself with positive people. They include family members, friends, and support groups. You can also seek professional health by getting in touch with therapists or a relationship expert.

Spending most of your time with these individuals can turn out to be quite refreshing for your mental health. 

Now, the time has come for you to reconnect with them. Whenever you feel down and out, get in touch with them and share your feelings. Close relationships can feel what you have gone through and the kind of support you exactly need at this point in time.

5. Re-Discover Your True Identity

Toxic relationships can make you easily forget your true identity along with your likes and preferences outside those relationships. The scenario becomes different when you come out of it.

As and when you get rid of your toxic partner, you should start focusing on your priorities. You should start to prioritize your happiness and resume doing all the things you love to do in your life.


How to Stop Being a Toxic Girlfriend?

When you are a toxic girlfriend and you realize the need to change yourself for making healthy relationships with your boyfriend and his near and dear ones, it is an excellent first step that you have taken toward change.

The bottom line is that one needs to appreciate you for the courage you have shown, as it is not easy to accept one’s flaws and have the urge to correct them whenever needed.

Let us take a look at some of the tips you can follow for becoming a normal, loving girlfriend who can be a better partner and hence avoid an unhealthy relationship –

1. Recognize Your Mistakes

You must understand what wrong you have committed so that you avoid them going forward. 

For this, you need to sit down, relax, and then start identifying what you had done to hurt your boyfriend. Once you take care of this basic thing, it can pave the way for your relationship to get back on track.

2. Express Regret

Once you have identified your mistakes, it is time for you to apologize. Even if you feel a lot of time has passed, understand that it is never too late to apologize. 

It will make your bae realize that you indeed mean what you are saying and intend to move forward with a positive mindset.

3. Give Space

Your sweetheart is in desperate need to have his own space, where he can focus on spending time with himself and his friends. 

Ensure that you give them that luxury. It will allow both of you to look back at all the good times you spent earlier. You can only get closer and develop a strong bond for strengthening your relationship further.

4. Deal with Calmness

You are going through the healing process in your life. The toxicity has not spared you either and caused sufficient damage as well. There is nothing better than meditation to attain your much-needed calm. Therefore, practice it and find your focus.

5. Always be Open to Feedback

As a toxic person, you always feel that whatever you think and do is right. You do not need the approval or opinion of anyone else. 

If you truly want to change your personality, keep an open mind to receive feedback from others. You will have the opportunity to understand and improve your outlook on various situations in life.


Is My Girlfriend Toxic? – Quiz

At times, there is a thin line between being in love and being toxic. Whereas one helps your relationship to thrive, the latter leads to more tussles and destruction of your relationship.

It will be a good idea to take this rapid Is My Girlfriend Toxic quiz to figure out if your girlfriend is toxic or not.

1. Does your girlfriend always try to take advantage of you?

A. No

B. Occasionally

C. Yes

2. How seldom does she allege that you have been cheating on her?

A. Never – I have full faith in him.

B. Sometimes – you never know when he could cheat.

C. Often enough – I’m sure he is cheating.

3. Did her earlier relationships not have happy endings?

A. No, every relationship had a happy ending.

B. Yes, a few of them

C. Yes, most of them.

4. Does she consider herself to be possessive under some circumstances?

A. No, I don’t feel she is a possessive girlfriend.

B. Yes, now and then.

C. Yes, quite often.

5. Does she always want you to prioritize her over everything else?

A. No, I think there are more important things that he should prioritize before me.

B. She wants me to prioritize her sometimes.

C. Yes – she feels if I want her as my girlfriend, she should get maximum priority.

6. Do you often feel that your girlfriend is trying to change your personality?

A. No, I have never felt anything like that.

B. Occasionally, but only minor changes.

C. Yes – she says that it is for my benefit.

7. Do you feel as if your girlfriend is always fighting with you?

A. There is hardly any fight over not-so-major issues.

B. We often fight

C. Yes – she always finds a scope to fight with me.

8. Does your girlfriend expect you to spend a whole day with her?

A. No, I think it is healthy to spend a little time with one another every day.

B. She expects that I should set aside a few days only for her.

C. Yes, she feels that is the hallmark of a good boyfriend.

9. Do you often find your girlfriend getting angry at you for small things?

A. No, she only gets angry at me for valid reasons.

B. Yes, but I cannot fathom why she tends to lose her temper.

C. Yes, she keeps me on my toes.

10. Does she suffer from jealousy?

A. Rarely

B. Sometimes

C. Very easily

If you answered A

If you mostly answered with an A, there is no need to have any concerns. You have an understanding girlfriend. She portrays her love and cares for you. Hence, you can expect to have better times in the future with her.

If you answered B

If you mostly answered with B, then the signs are not encouraging. There is every possibility that she might soon start taking complete control of your life. You need to be cautious and take the necessary steps to avoid such an occurrence.

If you answered C

All those who have opted for C in most cases, clearly indicate that your girlfriend is indeed toxic. She always makes things go her way in the relationship and does not allow you any kind of freedom to express your thoughts.


Please go through the following video to have a better understanding of various aspects of a toxic girlfriend.


Final Words

It will be only fair to say that it is better to remain single than stay in a relationship with a toxic girlfriend.

She will never accept her fault, always try to stifle your freedom, and expect you to make her your sole priority and hence make life hell for you.

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