After lots of attempts at fixing your relationship, you finally give up and want to know how to break up with your girlfriend.
Well, honestly, the journey will be an emotional roller coaster for both of you. You’ll both be hurt at least for the short term.
However, in this think-piece, I’ll help you navigate the situation and avoid all the landmines at the same time.
So, let’s try to take a second take at life together…
How to Break up with Your Girlfriend? – 40 Ways
Breakups are emotionally draining… and most men don’t understand that the way they break up impacts the woman’s confidence for the rest of her life. It might damage her self-esteem and shatter her heart into pieces.
On the other hand, men don’t understand that their emotional decisions bring toxic complications in their life.
But I don’t blame you… because that’s how men are wired. However, you don’t need to deal with the troubles anymore. Because I’ll put an end to the miserable breakups once and for all here…
1. Give everything a good thought
Before you jump into the breakup, take your time to think it over. Answer these questions honestly:
- Do you really want to break up?
- Why is it?
- Is there no way to fix it?
If you find a solid reason to break up and have no way to start over, don’t look back. Even if you’re scared to hurt her, remember that you’re doing the right thing. Just make sure you don’t use hurtful words during the conversation… on purpose.
2. Have a pre-breakup convo
Before you decide to break up, you must give it one last shot. More often than not couples break up for sheer silly misunderstandings due to lack of communication.
Sometimes, your partner might understand when you express your problems and try to figure out a middle ground with you. So, a breakup may not be the only option.
However, if she can’t see where she’s wrong, ask her “Do you think you want to be just friends with me instead of lovers? I mean… being in love mustn’t feel this hard and painful?”
Let her think about it and get back to you.
3. Don’t cheat on her during the relationship
If your breakup is because of her cheating, don’t try to take petty revenge. Cheating in exchange for cheating won’t hurt your girlfriend but drag you down on the same level as hers.
On the other hand, if you lost your feelings long back and caught feelings for someone else, wait until you break up from your current relationship. Be empathetic and do her this favor: don’t cheat on the current girlfriend.
4. Don’t mistreat her for it
The phase between when you lose feelings and before you break up is the most frustrating. You’re uncertain about your own feelings or that the relationship isn’t working.
You feel annoyed by everything about her and want to take out your anger on her. Try to avoid hurting her this way.
If you can’t control your emotions while you still figure out your next step, go crash at a friend’s place and figure out your emotions.
5. Plan how you’ll explain everything
Prepare a solid script to break the news depending on your girlfriend’s probable reaction. If your relationship is rocky for a while, the breakup is expected and she may not react too aggressively. She might even feel relieved that you initiated the tough job.
But if everything is good in the relationship and you both seem happy (at least superficially), the news will shock her. If she might throw punches at you, do it somewhere you’ll feel safe. Decide on the details accordingly.
6. If you need, talk to a trusted person
If you can’t figure it out or feel too confused about how to phrase your feelings, seek a trusted friend who experienced a breakup and handled it well.
Or, if you feel confused about whether this is the right decision or not, confide in someone. Let them share their point of view for clarification.
However, make sure they’re not a blabbermouth. Moreover, don’t talk to someone that might hold malicious feelings against you. They might ruin the situation intentionally and make it harder for you. So, it’s better to confide in a family member.
7. Practice in front of a mirror
If you have a lot of negativity inside you and wonder how to nicely break up with your girlfriend, the secret is rehearsals. Of course, this is no acting class and you want to be candid and clear.
But, if you have anger issues, you must rehearse the lines that you’ll use for breakup and closure.
Look into the mirror and rehearse until you don’t get nervous, break eye contact with your reflection, scream profanities, or break down. With practice, you’ll know how to control your emotions.
8. Don’t delay the convo
Don’t drag the breakup for too long. I understand you feel nervous and uncertain about everything… especially if you want to know how to break up with your crazy girlfriend.
But the longer you stretch it, the more the situation worsens. So, try to get done with it ASAP. Moreover, if you delay it too much, someone else might spill the beans and ruin the plans.
Your girlfriend seriously doesn’t need to get this bad news from someone else… that might hurt her even more. After all, she has the right to know about her relationship, first.
9. Give them a heads-up to prepare
You don’t want to catch her off-guard with a sudden breakup. Don’t call her out in your usual way. Otherwise, she might appear in front of you all decked up for a date night… or even worse, what if she’s planning to propose to you with a ring?
Things might worsen if you don’t give her a subtle hint about the reason for meeting her. So, tell her something like “I have something important to talk about… it’s not a date”.
10. Don’t drink before the convo
Breaking up is a hard decision and it makes you feel numb and your legs might give out… At this point, you might wanna gulp some shots to face her.
Though alcohol helps the word flow out of your mouth, it’s not a good idea if you want to know how to peacefully break up with your girlfriend. You won’t be able to respectfully end the talk and you might even hurt her with the suppressed bitterness inside. So, choose wisely.
11. Ghosting is out of the question
The lowest of the lowest people resort to ghosting instead of coming clean about their feelings. It’s not just hurtful, it shows that you weren’t even worth her love.
Break up with your girlfriend like a man. Tell her that you lost your feelings and that things can’t work out between you guys.
Even if she abused you, you mustn’t ghost her… or she’ll file a missing diary or spread hate speech about you. You won’t be able to live peacefully because of her.
12. Never do it over texts
Ending a relationship via text messages or emails is the most cowardly act. So, don’t try to figure out how to break up with your girlfriend over text.
Whether you dated her for a few weeks or a year, breakup texts instead of a breakup conversation are disrespectful.
If you guys were together for less than a month, were in a casual relationship, or were in a long-distance relationship, at least break it over a phone call or video call.
If you want to know how to break up with your long-term girlfriend and don’t live on opposite sides of the world, choose to break up in person and face-to-face.
13. Choose a good time and place for the breakup convo
Don’t have a breakup conversation publicly, unless she’s abusive and you feel scared to be with her in a private space.
If that’s not the case, choose her home or somewhere near her place. She’ll break down, so save her from public embarrassment.
Moreover, don’t break up on special days like birthdays, anniversaries, or right before an important test or presentation. It might affect her for a lifetime otherwise.
14. Explain what you like about them
Don’t start right off the bat with “I want a breakup”. Only tactless men do that… instead, be a bit more sensitive and begin with something kind. For instance, say
“You’re very close and important to me… you’re a fun person to be with. And I’m glad we got to be together. I really understood the meaning of a life partner from you…”
Throw in a few of her qualities to show her you appreciate her. This will also ease the blow.
15. Give her an honest yet kind explanation
Though breaking up with your girlfriend isn’t easy, don’t hesitate to spill the beans. She deserves to know everything that went wrong on her side. This will help her avoid repeating the same mistakes repeatedly in future romantic connections.
Tell her why you think it’s time to move on. Back up your words with facts. However, don’t be brutal or compare her with others’ girlfriends.
16. Charge with I statements
To make your statements less attacking and to avoid hurting her, tread the path with “I” sentences. It’ll sound like you don’t blame her but it’s because you’re not compatible.
So, let’s take an example here…
You don’t like to hang out with my friends VS. I want to hang out with both you and my friends and that’s burdensome for you.
Tell me which one sounds better if someone told you this. You can make a major difference in the tone and implications of this change.
17. Don’t blame her throughout the conversation
Wondering how to break up with your girlfriend without hurting her?
Well, the breakup convo will overwhelm her, so don’t pressure her excessively with only the negatives. If she hurt you a lot, you might want to pay her back during the breakup.
But that’ll only make you feel worse, so don’t try to pour out the toxic feelings on her. Be the better person, and hold back.
18. Don’t drag
Though you owe her closure, you don’t need to write a 200-page essay for her. No matter how many words you use, it won’t diminish the fact that you’ll get rid of her for life and she’ll be hurt for a while.
So, don’t spend unnecessary words or keep her with you for long. She’s probably dying to hit the bed and sob into her pillow.
Instead, tell her these wisely:
- You loved her and appreciated her
- You will always cherish your memories with her
- She didn’t do anything bad (unless she cheated, abused, or inflicted other kinds of pain)
- You won’t gossip about her
- You thought this through well and you won’t change your mind.
19. Wait until she understands it
Never try to run away after saying “it’s over for yada yada reasons”. She might be too shocked to catch your words the first time… her mind might be too fuzzy to absorb all the details.
So, wait beside her as long as she has questions. Once she processes the info, she’ll soon ask you many questions. But if she repeats any question, again and again, mention that to her to ground her to reality.
20. Allow her to talk
After your explanations, she’ll also have a lot to say in her defense. So, don’t walk away after you’re done explaining. If she feels misunderstood, let her clarify the situation.
Moreover, if everything was a misunderstanding right from the scratch, you might still have the chance to fix the situation. This might be the case if you guys have communication issues… especially in long-distance relationships.
So, let her give you her piece of mind. While she talks, don’t interrupt her… unless she’s abusing you.
21. Don’t try to fight in between
While you break up, she’ll give you a good fight and blame you instead. However, don’t try to argue back. Her emotions and wits will be all over the place and she can’t tell apart right from wrong.
So, be kind and don’t provoke or belittle her to defend yourself. You can do that politely too.
22. Prepare yourself for extreme responses
You can’t predict how she might react to the breakup convo… so prepare a dialogue for all the situations like these:
She feels angry and insults you
- Tell her “You have the right to be angry right now… I understand your feelings.”
- If she abuses you, say “This is inappropriate” and leave.
- She promises to fix things
- Say “I appreciate that but my feelings have changed too… and you don’t have to change for me”.
23. Offer her support
You might feel awkward touching her right after breaking her heart, but it’s alright to soothe her while she cries. Especially, if you guys were friends or have been lovers for a long time, don’t feel shy to show little affection.
If she breaks down and doesn’t stop crying, it’s okay to pat and hug her. You can rub her hands or arms or give her tissue or water.
24. Reassure her
After a breakup, women feel extremely bad about themselves. In their mind, questions arise like “Am I not good enough”. “Why did I make that mistake?”, “Can I undo this breakup?”, “Will I ever get love?”
She doesn’t understand that it’s really time to break up once and for all. It also takes a huge toll on her self-confidence. So, if you don’t feel uncomfortable, tell her that she can be a better person with time and she’ll find her happy ending too.
25. Tell her you’re ready to offer closure later if she needs
If she can’t process her emotions and your words well, she might need a moment or a night to settle down. So, unless you plan to exercise the No Contact rule right from that moment, tell her you can reschedule.
Specifically mention that you’re open to talking again about it within a particular time frame. Don’t allow her indefinite time to seek you about this… otherwise, you’ll have a tough time moving on.
26. Never lead her on
Don’t use vague language during the conversation which might raise her hopes. Never use language like “maybe, we might get back…” “Someday, if our stars cross again…”
Make her understand that it’s over for real and that you’ll never reconsider her. If it was fixable, you’d try to fix it. It’s not, so own the truth!
Otherwise, it’s obvious you want to lead her on so that you can use her as a backup.
27. Don’t try to be friends
When men offer their exes that they’re ready to be friends, it astonishes them and sounds beyond cruel. So, when you suggest staying friends beyond the breakup, she’ll wonder “How heartless of you!”
After all, she won’t get over her feelings and you being friendly with her will only hurt her more.
Moreover, being friends with exes never results in anything good in the long run. Ex-partners always end up entangled in messy situations which hurt them even more.
28. Don’t refuse if she asks to stay friends
If she insists you stay friends after the breakup but you didn’t, just agree at this point. But make clear that you need a no-contact period. And you’ll get back only after that.
On the other hand, if you both want to stay friends after this, that’s alright. Just be aware of the troublesome possibilities of getting involved in a messy situation later on. Make sure your decision doesn’t change or it doesn’t disturb your next relationship.
29. End things amicably
Try to end things without hurting her. You both made several sweet memories with each other, so cherish and respect them. Don’t be bitter toward her unnecessarily or get back at her.
You might meet each other later on in the same workplace or anywhere else. It’s always a good idea to leave things without making a big deal out of them.
Moreover, if she’s the abusive or crazy type, it’s better to not provoke her and make your life hell.
30. Don’t let her change your mind
If it’s a long-term relationship, she might know how to waver you from your decision. She might try to remind you about the old times or even force you into having sex with her. She might try to use an emotional situation you both shared to weaken your resolve.
For a moment, you might even think about giving it another shot. However, don’t let your emotions take the better of you. Even if you give her another chance, you guys will face the same situation within the next month. So, get over it right away.
31. Have a No Contact period
After the breakup, you both need time to heal and move on. For that, you must cut off contact completely with each other. So, talk to her about the length of the No Contact period you want to have.
Tell her that you don’t want any texts or calls and that you guys must unfriend and unfollow each other on social media. Ask her to avoid places that you visit intentionally.
However, if you guys meet regularly in school, college, or at work, you’ll talk only for business, act civil, and won’t spread false rumors about each other.
32. Don’t get into an on-and-off relationship
After breaking up with your girlfriend, you might miss her often and if you guys share the same workplace or take classes together, you might mess up big time.
In such situations, ex-partners often get into an on-and-off relationship. You feel lonely, miss her, regretting, and feel that you MUST get back to her.
Once you do, initially you guys feel this is the best choice of your life. But within a few weeks, you remember what’s wrong and give up.
Make sure you don’t get trapped into this pattern or you’ll be forever stuck in it.
Many ex-partners also keep each other around just to use their ex as a backup in case the primary partner can’t make it aka breadcrumbing. Exes give each other the hope that if they stay single by this age, they’ll marry each other.
This is dangerous to both as it stops you both from moving on, healing, or having healthy relationships. If you already found a partner, this might hurt your ex more when you move on in the long run. So, stop flirting and giving her false hopes.
34. Avoid emotional conversations
During your healing journey, you both might get drunk to ease the breakup pain. In a drunken state, either of you might send each other emotional texts or voice memos or even drunk dial to get back together.
So, when you drink, have a friend or family member over and ask them to not give you their phone until you’re sober. And if your ex does it, don’t respond or rather block them right away.
Once you decide to break up, you must follow through with all steps to protect yourself.
35. Talk about logistics if you lived together
If you guys were in a live-in relationship, things become even tougher.
If you own the place, give her a deadline to move out. If you don’t want to see her during the move, ask a friend to house-sit while you stay somewhere else. After the move, get rid of anything that reminds you of her. You can also offer her to take it if she wants it.
If she owns it, talk about how she wants it to be done or if she wants to avoid you.
If you also have joint property or accounts or even pets, sort things out amicably.
36. Don’t act caring beyond the breakup
After you guys split, don’t check in on her just because you felt worried about something. If she has a mental health issue, give her family member and therapist a heads-up about the situation.
However, don’t reach out in person to know whether she’s alright. This will only give her false hopes. If you notice she feels sick, don’t rush to her with medicine. Unless it’s an emergency and she has nobody beside her, don’t concern yourself. Let her move on with her life.
Moreover, just because you miss her, don’t ask her to spend time with you. That’s quite cruel to her.
37. Don’t agree to sleep with her
A lot of time ex-partners have breakup sex. They give excuses like “I want to feel your warmth for one last time”, “If I have sex with you, I’ll be able to forget you”, or “Doing it once more won’t hurt”.
Honestly, it’s the worst decision of your relationship as it brings chaos and complication to your life. You have sex once and the demand keeps growing. Either of you will want to have it repeatedly, the other will feel uncomfortable.
If someone refuses, the other blackmail them into it otherwise they’ll hurt themselves or someone else. It becomes too messy to handle later, so avoid it at all costs.
38. Get over the guilt
The breakup will be painful and beyond the big decision, you might feel even more pain. You might hate yourself for leaving her. Especially, if she’s experiencing a rough phase in her life, that’s worse.
You might spend nights sobbing or drinking to wash away your pain. If you seek loved ones, they might even say that it’s wrong to cry because you initiated the breakup.
But no matter what, it’s alright to feel this. Validate your feelings and work on them. If you can’t, seek a therapist to get over the guilt. Whatever happens, don’t reconcile out of guilt.
39. Keep the gossip from mutual friends
After the breakup, you need support to cope with the guilt. Various feelings will wash over you and you might reconsider taking her back in your life.
However, that’s not a choice… whenever you have such thoughts, seek your loved ones to talk you out of it. But before that, build a support group.
Don’t include any mutual friends… otherwise, they’ll pass the juicy details to your ex. It’ll become harder to move on if she doesn’t take advantage of your mental situation.
40. Learn your lessons
After the breakup, take time to reflect on your actions. A breakup isn’t the result of one person’s fault… both sides contribute equally to the reasons.
So, think about where you went wrong in the relationship. Did you not communicate well? Did you not define your boundaries? Did you allow them to take you for granted?
Or, think how you could have changed your fate. NO, don’t ponder on the what ifs… never immerse yourself in that spiral of thoughts.
Instead, focus on learning your lessons and not repeating them ever again.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
After a lot of pain and misery, you chose to break up over fixing your relationship. So, you probably have many unspoken issues. So, try hard to heal yourself… spend time around your loved ones. Indulge in self-care and if nothing works, seek a therapist.
Last but not least… forgive her for hurting you… forgive yourself for giving someone the power to hurt you. Don’t live in the past and look forward to a fresh beginning.
Don’t lose faith in love… it might not be her, but you’ll soon find someone amazing. For now, prepare yourself for her… be the best man she can ever find.
