So, after a heart-wrenching breakup, you wanna know how to get your ex back?
I understand… been there, suffered, and now standing strong as ever! So, I believe I have the perfect set of strategies to help you get your ex back.
Right from handling your breakup, to winning your ex back, this thinkpiece leaves no question answered.
But first thing first, relax. Do not overthink.
Here you’ll find no unrealistic promises and no impractical methods. It’s a guide based on logic and experience.
So without any further delay, let’s dive right in and get your ex back!
How to Get Your Ex Back? – 40 Ways
You thought that person was the love of your life. You knitted a loving and harmonious future full of love, laughter, sparkles, and everything good.
But fate had some other plans… now that person is no longer around you, and your dreams are shattered like a house of cards within seconds.
You weep every night wishing them back in your life… wake up with a wet pillow… dark circles under your eyes and this weird numbness.
I know it all, sweetheart. But this won’t work, so just trust me on this journey, okay?
Hold my hand and try it just once more!
1. Accept the blow calmly
Though easier said than done, you need to accept that this person is gone from your life.
Don’t hurry to get them right after the breakup. Blaming, threatening, crying, and breaking down, will only minimize your chances of bringing your ex back into your life. I mean, you’re more mature than that right?
Calm down and remember: What’s yours will eventually return to you, sooner or later. And things that aren’t yours won’t return, no matter how hard you chase them.
Put yourself together, and remember that your strength will melt your ex.
2. Neither explain nor seek an explanation
Questions like: “Was it all my fault?” “Why didn’t they understand me?” “Do they acknowledge my sacrifices for them?” “Are they aware of their shortcomings?” and the biggest of all, “Did they ever love me truly?”…will tear you apart.
You’ll strongly desire to have a heart-to-heart conversation with them. You’ll seek one last opportunity to explain yourself and ask them questions to atleast get a closure.
But honey, this is not the right time. Infact, even if your ex approaches you to justify anything, just hear them and be like: “That’s absolutely fine, I’ve accepted the way it is.” No defenses or opinions from your end. Let’s wait for the right time, alright?
3. If you’re the culprit, apologize
The above tip does not apply if you committed mistakes. If it was your mistake that drove them away, never hesitate to apologize and accept what you did. If it was something grave like infidelity, chances are, they won’t give you the space to justify, but there is no harm in trying.
An apology on time can save your relationship from major backlash. It also shows you value the relationship more than your ego.
However, remember, apologize only for your mistakes. Just be genuinely sorry for your wrongdoings. Ask them to believe and forgive you. Assure them you won’t repeat yourself.
Normally, one genuine regretful gesture is enough. But if the mistake was grave, you must give a couple of trials. But, don’t spam their inbox with your apologies. That’s so naive.
4. Find out if your ex is still interested in you
You can make tons of efforts but they will all go down the drain if your ex is not into you anymore. To bring your ex back into your life, you must first know if they’re at all interested in you.
You can’t find the hints of their interest overnight so, notice them closely. Scrutinize their words and steps cautiously.
Do they want a casual hook-up? Or, do they want to be friends? Are they looking for a romantic relationship? And above all, are they trying to keep a tab on you?
Find out the answers to these questions before you make any move on them. Because this time, you cannot take a missed shot!
5. Work on the root cause of your breakup
Why did you both break up? Was it a mutual breakup? Who initiated it?
Answer these vital questions to plan your way ahead.
Once you get to the root cause of the breakup, think about whether your issue can be fixed or not.
Is it something to which you can compromise or adjust? Or, if you are not ready to compromise, will your ex accept it?
Don’t set unrealistic goals. Be practical while you figure out the possibilities. If you think you can resolve the problem, move to the next step.
6. Do not upload post-breakup posts
Honestly, posting sad songs and breakup posts just after the breakup is a big NO-NO!
People find it cringe, and it’s one of the most ridiculous trends on social media.
Your ex will feel repulsed even more if you both are connected on social media. They’ll make fun of your pain until they laugh to tears. Moreover, they will feel powerful to know that they still have this impact on you.
So, avoid making such hasty uploads, only to be others’ laughing stock.
7. Don’t let a mobile phone ruin your plans!
Remember, the infamous No-Contact rule. Yes it works.
Take a break from your phone. Don’t keep coming back to your phone to reach out to them. This reeks of desperation. I know you’re desperate inside, but don’t make it too obvious… you can’t let them know you’re hurt. Stop contacting your ex by yourself.
But what if you get a call or a message from them?
Control!!! Don’t answer their calls. Let them miss your voice.
All you need is to drop them a message. Maybe something like: “Anything urgent? I’m busy. Can you text me instead?”
If it’s something urgent indeed, then just stick to text messages. Don’t entertain any personal discussion. Help them if they genuinely need it. Answer to the point, and use a friendly tone throughout. Try to end the exchange as quickly as possible.
8. Don’t cross their road repeatedly
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. So, stay away from their sight for at least fifteen days after the breakup. Let them miss you and be curious about your life.
Don’t fear the conventional “out of the sight, out of the mind” rule. We’re just in recess. Living out of their sight for some time will keep you more on their mind.
Take further steps to go MIA. Avoid the places that your ex visits frequently. I know you miss them a lot, but come on, you can pull it off!
Don’t you want them back? You do, right?
9. Don’t stop them from trying their luck elsewhere
So, they went on a date with someone new?
That news probably slashed your heart into a bloody mess but don’t freak out… don’t react… take a deep breath and calm down.
Don’t make it obvious that their actions still have an impact on you. Act as if you were prepared for this.
Now there are two sides to the coin.
One: if both of you were serious about each other, don’t take this fling seriously. It might be a rebound relationship and they just want someone else’s help to get over you.
Two: even if you believe they’re happier with the new partner, don’t give it up so fast. It’s just been a few days, and it’s too early to judge.
10. Don’t be melodramatic
Weeping in public places, particularly in front of your ex… only to grab their attention, is a bleak idea.
Similarly, insulting them in public or in front of your friends is horrendous. Don’t even think of taking revenge, or you’ll end up wasting the last chance of earning them back.
If you want them back, you must love them… and love and respect go hand in hand!
If you catch them with their new partner, never insult them or last at them… that shows your ex did the right thing by breaking up.
Instead, if they feel awkward with their new guy/girl after seeing you, smile brightly from the bottom of your heart. Ask friendly questions to ease the awkwardness.
They will be astounded by your tolerance and maturity. Even if their new partner becomes envious of your presence, and humiliates you, be the confident and mature one.
Your ex will love this growth in you and realize what they’ve lost.
11. Don’t forget their special day
No matter what, don’t forget to make them feel special on their special days. If it’s their birthday, make sure you are the first person to wish them.
Don’t throw a party or give an extravagant gift to them like before. Just wish them luck for life via texts and leave. Don’t even expect an instant reply because perhaps they’re busy celebrating elsewhere.
Not only will you look like a thoughtful person, but they will also feel touched. They will realize that they can only share their bliss with you.
12. Touch the skies at the workplace
Among all the other things that help you build your personality, your career contributes to it the most. Don’t let personal mess-ups wreck your profession.
If you perform inadequately at work, it will hurt your confidence, and you’ll feel more helpless… you might become more vulnerable to mistakes.
If you’ve been stalling some projects for a long time, work hard to make them a hit now.
Your work is your identity. You never know… maybe the breakup was because you gave all the attention to your partner and lost your identity.
So, work hard to achieve your goals and let the success shine on your face… and see how it pulls your ex like a magnet
13. Love yourself more than ever!
Just because someone abandoned you, it does not imply you’re worthless. It’s time to incorporate self-love into your life.
Once you get into a relationship, your life revolves around your partner… and you forget about the relationship with yourself.
Just to remind you, your love life is merely a part of your life, it’s not your life. Don’t let the loneliness and rejection create a void in you. Rather celebrate the benefits of self-love.
To practice self-love, understand who you are, honor your importance, appreciate your goodness, embrace your flaws, set improvement goals, and achieve them right away.
Go on buddy, it’s just one life, make sure you keep yourself foremost.
14. Don’t even think of begging!
Once and for all: beggars are losers. Don’t show them that you’re helpless without them. Never implore or plead them to stay back.
Let’s think of it like this: You’re distressed, and you broke up with your partner. You’re already frustrated. To top it off, your partner begs you to get back to them. Won’t it piss you off like anything? You’ll hate them for not understanding your crisis.
Similarly, if you beg your ex, it will irritate them to the core. Even if they return, the relationship won’t last long. Because they didn’t come to you by their own wish or will. You forced them… they might even resent you for that.
This might even be the very reason they dumped you. Maybe you depend on them too much. So keep-up your self-respect, take a stand on your own, and don’t beg.
15. Come online at specific hours
Choose a particular time to be online on social media. Don’t stay online 24/7. Let them wait for you to come online. If you see they’re also online during these particular hours, it means they want to interact with you.
If they text you, do not reply right away. Take some time. You don’t want to appear desperate, do you?
Also, check how much time they take to reply to your texts. If they respond to your messages within seconds and come online just when you text them, good days are close!
16. DON’T stalk them!
I know the urge, a strong urge to see them and know what they’ve been upto… just don’t!
Stalking will assure your ex that your life revolves around them and you don’t have anything else to do. Trust me, as loving as it sounds, it is an absolute turn-off.
So, if you will instead focus on your own life, it will create distance and space for them to miss you.
17. Post photos with a new friend
I mean, why not? I know it’s not such a great thing to do, but you want to get them back, don’t you? So, upload photos with your “new” friend preferably of the opposite gender.
Let them burn in the flame of jealousy. Make them curious about what’s up in your life. Let the anxious thoughts overwhelm them.
If they seem bothered by it or inquire too much about your love life, your plans are close to success! They may even tease you about your friend, just to dig deeper. Enjoy and let them guess the story… don’t reveal any details.
18. Don’t talk to him after the vodka shot
See, we are going smoothly on your road to getting them back… don’t spoil your plan with a bottle of wine. If you talk to them during the tipsy hour, either you will reveal all your emotions and feelings for them yourself, or they will find out about your secret plan.
Bottom line: Alcohol will drop the curtain on your desperation.
To make it worse, you may even abuse them when you are drunk. Imagine yourself creating a scene with smudged eyeliner, a crying face, and a shattered look. Ugh!!! So skimpy!
That can irretrievably hamper your image.
19. Start a conversation
Once your hangover has subsided, and you can think straight, it’s time to strike up a conversation with them.
The no-contact period is over. Don’t worry, you heard me right! Start talking to them.
But DON’T just go crazy, and text him like- “I want you back!” You will destroy everything. Hold onto your horses.
Start with random friendly texts, like: “Hey! How are you doing? How’s family?” Don’t be extra… don’t say too much, or they’ll catch on to your game. Keep it very easy and jovial.
Let it be evident that you can be happy with or without them.
20. Catch up with your ex casually
After you talk to each other via message, take it a level up and invite them for tea. And if they agree, it’s good news. But don’t take it as a final prophecy of their arrival. It’s too early to judge or expect anything.
Choose a casual spot to meet your ex. Don’t go over the top… Because if you do, they may play hard to get.
Don’t overdress, but don’t look flat, either. Make sure you look naturally attractive and healthy. Never initiate a discussion about the past. Offer them a friendly relationship on a fresh note.
Make sure you don’t leave your sense of humor at home – your ex may fall for it once more. However, don’t meet at your first date venue, a fine dining restaurant, or anywhere romantic.
21. Be you. ONLY you.
Remember, you’re the one they fell for. If you really want them to love you, be yourself. If you guys have been in a long-term relationship, then they know you inside out. Your pretense cannot go unnoticed. Don’t fake.
Only you can be YOU. They will understand that you are irreplaceable. And friend, no one else can fill your void in their life. Getting it?
22. Say yes to healthy flirting!
Can you get flirty? By all means, yes. Flirt around because, ultimately, you intend to form a romantic relationship with them. You can also be a little touchy.
But before that, you must sense the vibe. If you feel they’re equally in it and might even reciprocate your actions, take your shot!
Also, draw a line between healthy flirting and toxic flirting. Don’t make them uncomfortable with your moves. Keep it very funny and light. Step back from taking any extra advantage.
23. Let your eyes do the talking!
Look into their eyes as it’s the most realistic way of knowing what’s inside their heart. Eyes never lie! If they’re still in love with you, it will be apparent in “how they look”.
Now don’t make them uncomfortable with your gaze. Let your eyes find theirs naturally and take a peep into their heart when you do. If they’re interested in you, the eye contact will be effortless.
Pour the love that you cannot express verbally through your eyes. Let them take a glimpse of the pain and love you harbor in your heart. It’s magical!
25. Invite a mutual friend
Often include your mutual friend in the catch-up plans with your ex. That helps you in three ways.
One, it doesn’t look like a date. So it shows you are not interested in dating them, you just want a friendly hangout… and they feel more comfortable around you.
Two, either of you won’t feel awkward talking. Even if you fall short of topics, the mutual friend will make it up. Uninterrupted communication will make them want to hang out with you both more.
Three, you never know if this mutual friend can act as a catalyst in bringing both of you closer. Don’t ask your mutual friend to do you favors or expect too much… instead, count on chances.
26. Lure them, don’t chase them
Winning back your ex’s heart can get tricky. But you gotta be smart and strategic. If you go around chasing them, they will make you pursue them more… I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel like a prize?
Instead, entice them with your luring personality. Exercise, eat nutritiously, take care of your skin and body, meditate and feel good.
On some days let it be elegant… on some days, spice up your looks, and on the other days, keep it simple yet smart.
Now, wait patiently.
Don’t run after them. They might wonder why you don’t run behind them. Don’t get carried away with your emotions. Conceal your heart’s desires and use your brain.
Let them choose and chase you… Because this will foster a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
27. Glam up!
Many of us underestimate self-grooming and consider it just self-love. Your body shelters your soul, so be grateful and show some love.
Do not dress to impress someone. Dress beautifully because you owe it to your own body. Your body has all the right to avail care from you.
Maintain a healthy and well-groomed body to detoxify your mind and get rid of negativity and stress too. It will lift your spirit and boost your confidence.
Last but not least, your ex will naturally pursue your well-maintained version over a drunk messy you.
28. Show them you’re a gem of a person
They already know but the breakup may have put some dust on it, so brush it. Remind them that you’re a genuine person inside-out.
Give them all the reasons why they must never let you go.
Respect is a very vital necessity of a romantic relationship. Assure them you’ll always respect them.
Let them witness your pure and wholesome nature. Live with selfless care, compassion, trust, and loyalty. That’s all a partner seeks.
Show them you’re no longer a messy, cranky, and insecure person… and eventually, they’ll find the way back to you.
29. Radiate positivity
This works like a miracle. Not only to win your ex but even in general life, be the most positive version of yourself. Be cheerful.
Meditate and direct all your thought processes in an optimistic direction. Never assume negative results. Even if you get negative outcomes, notice the silver lining of every cloud. Speak only about positive things. This can change your life drastically.
But how will this help you get your ex back?
Well, we all want an influencer in our life… so, your partner wants one too. So, if you can watch motivational speakers and start thinking and acting like them, it’ll attract your partner.
30. Don’t spread rumors
Don’t ever take desperate actions that you may regret later. If you want your ex back, don’t bad mouth them at the back or spread fake rumors about your “new” partner.
Singlehood gives you all the freedom to explore the world and enjoy whatever you want to do. Better, show them this happy-single side of yours.
Let them watch you enjoy the freedom you have earned. There’s absolutely no need to fake a new relationship. All in all, the age-old jealousy trick doesn’t work any longer, honey. It’s a flop.
I may have asked you to upload photos with a new friend to press some button but faking a relationship is an absolute no-go.
31. Show them the great friend you can be
Once you start hanging out with them, don’t start being the typical girlfriend or boyfriend. Instead, start afresh.
Friendship is an important essence of each and every relationship. If two people cannot share their secrets and waves of laughter, what’s the point of being together?
And again, maybe this was why they deserted you. Probably, they didn’t find a friend in you. Show them that there is nothing you cannot be!
This will make your ex realize that you don’t want them for relationship benefits. You enjoy their friendship as much as their love. This step works like a fire, especially if both of you were friends before.
32. Be a little Nostalgic…
Being a little nostalgic about your good memories is the game changer. Whether it is about your first date or the last time you both shared an ice-cream together – bring these happy memories into your discussion. They’ll start missing the funny episodes from when you were both together.
Remind him/her (indirectly) of all the favors you have done to them. Make them remember how well you treated them when they needed you, or how you supported their ambitions.
Be extremely careful while doing this. Don’t sound direct and mean. Don’t narrate the entire story. Give a slight hint of the incident and they’ll recall the rest themselves.
A lot of happy couple pictures will hover in their eyes… and eventually, they will want to recreate them.
33. Take part in their interests and habits
Love is not enough to bring them back… you need to make them feel valued. So, start taking part in their interests with a lot of interest… If you know, you know.
People love it when their partners show interest in what they enjoy… and more so if they show curiosity to learn more.
However, don’t go overboard. Their favorite doesn’t necessarily have to be your favorite too.
Keep it candid because you can fake it for a few days but not forever. The fact that you are willing to listen and take part is sufficient.
34. Be their emotional support
If you want to get your ex back, empathize with them and try to connect with them emotionally.
Everyone, everyone desires emotional support from a relationship and if you can offer them that, they’ll definitely come back.
If your relationship with them lasted for years before you split up, it is most likely that they’ll have a soft corner for you. So, it will only take you to peek into that corner to bring them back.
Show them how you can complete their sentences and interpret messages even without them saying.
If you persuade them with words, it may not be as effective as making them understand why they must return to you.
35. Express genuine concern for their friends and family
People love to see their partners concerned about their dear ones because it shows their soft side. They like it all the more when they see their partner getting along well with their friends and family.
If you remember their friends or family facing a particular issue in their life, try to get an update about the same. That shows you genuinely care about their loved ones. Wish their family members on their special days. That’s all!
36. Don’t impose your idealistic views on them
Be realistic before you ask or expect something from them. You can’t demand something you cannot deliver yourself. That’s not fair to the other person.
Everyone has individual personalities and beliefs. And if you don’t wish to lose them again, learn to respect their opinions rather than imposing your opinion on them.
Be open and honest about what you want, but make sure that you can deliver the same. Practice what you preach.
37. Wait for the right time
Hold on, honey, let the right time come. Don’t become desperate and give up when you are almost about to hit the jackpot.
Let things continue for some time, as they are.
Be patient and optimistic but don’t stop making the effort.
Make a surrounding where everything reminds them of you. For example, the perfume you used, the flowers you loved, the flavors you craved, the places you always wanted to go, etc.
And when they won’t be able to cope with the aching heart, they will knock your doors. But this will not happen overnight. You need to wait for it… and meanwhile, you can…
38. Pen down your expectations
Trust me, it will help your relationship like no other.
It has taken a lot for you to get your ex back, and this time, you dare not lose it. So, be clear about your expectations from this relationship. Call it a compatibility test, if you want and make a checklist.
Discuss it with them and ask them about their expectations.
Restart this relationship from a fresh page.
39. Have a face-to-face conversation with them
Remember I promised you a time when you can clear your misunderstandings and express all your love to your ex? This is the right time. You’ve done all you could to win them, and now it’s time to confront them.
Be open and honest with your ex. There’s no better way of having them back in your life than communicating clearly about unresolved issues.
Exchange your concerns and apologies, and make them feel loved. Tell them how you love them even today.
Ask them if they can give it another shot. If they need time to decide, don’t force it. Lastly, end the conversation on a positive note.
Look buddy, it’s all about one’s choice. You cannot choose something forcefully. There must be a natural liking and acceptance in a relationship.
You can’t induce or program feelings for you in their heart.
Even after persistent endeavors, if they don’t return to you, just let them go.
You deserve a partner who knows your worth. There is no point in hounding someone who doesn’t value you. Getting me?
Do you know what Reverse Psychology is? A lot of times, situations show a better result when we stop putting efforts. So just stop, wait, and watch. Don’t do anything about it.
If they return happily, thank your stars. If not, your stars have written a better destiny for you.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
You might tend to victimize yourself after a nasty breakup… after all, it took a toll on your mental health. So, what do you do then? Sit and complain? Absolutely not!
Know that whatever happens, happens for a good. It’s great if you can reconcile, but don’t dwell over it if things don’t work out.
In your life, you probably have some unfulfilled wishes that you’re thankful for. Because if they came true, you might’ve suffered the other way.
It’s all because God has everything planned for you. So, once again, have faith in His plans.
Who knows if destiny’s protecting you from big trouble? Who knows if you’ll find someone better and more deserving? Don’t judge the taste of the dish by its smell. Let it come to your table, taste it, and then judge.
Until next time…
Namrata is a Clinical Researcher and a Dentist. She likes reading novels, books, and anything she could get her hands on since her childhood, she embarked into a writing career purely out of luck. After indulging in a freelancing writing career for nearly three years, she writes from dentistry to decor, travel to technology, but the psychology remains her first love. She hopes to raise awareness for the mental health and helps people with her work in association with ThePleasantRelationship team.