Do you think you’re in a rebound relationship? Why?
Did you recently break up and feel guilty that you can’t emotionally connect with your new partner?
Or, is it your partner who doesn’t connect with you?
Either way, the situation is disheartening… but if you’re here, reading this, this means you want to fix your relationship and do some research before jumping to conclusions.
And, I have got everything you need to deal with your rebound relationship, in this think-piece.
People may say that rebound relationships never last but don’t lose hope yet… there’s a chance to make it work.
But first, let’s begin with…
Rebound Relationship Infographics
What is a rebound relationship?
When you jump into a new relationship after a bad breakup without resolving issues and expecting it to fix things, it’s a rebound relationship.
The term rebound relationship implies a new romantic relationship where one or both partners recently faced bad breakups and aren’t emotionally over their previous relationship or previous partner yet.
In rebound relationships, partner(s) still hold negative emotions towards their previous relationships because of personal reasons.
However, they move forward to a new relationship thinking it will heal the hurt and fill the void from the last relationship.
People who seek rebound relationships either aren’t ready to go through the “breakup” phase or don’t know any other way to deal with it.
The ones who fall for rebound relationships without realizing they use it as one of their coping mechanisms.
Usually, partners are aware that rebound relationships won’t turn out to be a long-lasting relationship… but they keep hanging onto it because the hurt is too much to bear.
They’re aware of the lack of emotional connections and the possibility of the short-lived nature of the relationship.
If the rebound partner – the new partner of the person who isn’t over their ex – isn’t aware of the rebounder – their partner – situation, they’ll expect a healthy long-term relationship. This leads to even more heartaches on both sides.
Can’t understand what’s wrong? Let’s find out…
Is rebound relationship healthy?
Rebound relationships get in the way of processing suppressed emotions of breakups. Though you feel great about your rebound relationship, it’s unhealthy for both you and your new partner.
Rebound relationships are usually unhealthy… but there’s more to know.
Since rebound relationships are the ones you jump in without healing yourself properly… how would you know that you’ve now healed?
Or, how long must you wait until you can begin an afresh relationship again? That’s difficult to understand…
Moreover, people will crave attention, affection, and sympathy after an intense heartbreak, which makes it even harder to resist a rebound relationship.
In fact, since a new person’s feelings make you feel confident about yourself, you might think that there’s nothing wrong with it.
However, if you’re still traumatized or hurt from the past relationship, how will you begin an emotionally committed relationship?
In fact, only you’ll feel better, but your rebound partner won’t because you can’t create emotional connections with them.
A breakup is a loss, so you must undergo the cycle of grief – which people face after the death of someone close – process the happenings healthily, and heal.
Else, you’ll repeat the same mistakes and sabotage your new romantic relationships again.
If you suspect you’re in a rebound relationship? Let’s find some common ground with these…
Rebound relationship signs – when you’re rebounding
Usually, people can’t instantly identify if they’re in a rebound relationship… because everything feels just right.
A rebound relationship can be of two kinds, either you’re the rebounder or your partner.
So, let’s begin with when you moved on too fast from the last relationship, i.e., you’re the rebounder.
1. Your relationship began within a split second
How long did you take before you started dating again? If your last relationship was serious and you took only a few days or weeks before dating again, you have unresolved issues.
You unconsciously want to rewrite the hurtful memories and feelings or distract yourself with someone else’s presence, i.e. you’re a rebounder.
People need time to get over breakups… the duration depends on the person… However, it’s never over within a few weeks.
2. You want them back
If you always wished to get back with your ex even when you’re in a relationship… you’re fooling yourself and your new partner with this rebound relationship.
You clearly aren’t invested in the new relationship, and only using them to fill the void in your life.
3. You flaunt to make them jealous
Perhaps you became a social media addict recently? You always post a couple of pictures, date night food snaps, or even love quotes about finding the ONE.
Well, it’s nothing wrong… however, if you’re still connected with your ex on social media, and recently took up this habit, it’s suspicious.
Probably, you want to make them jealous… you still care and this is a rebound relationship.
4. You like it causal
What type of relationship do you seek after your breakup?
If you’re the no-strings-attached kind, you’re still not over your ex. You either fear emotional attachment or you want your ex to regret dumping you.
Or, you might get into multiple relationships to show your ex your desirability.
Instead of working on your emotions, if you’re jumping into random relationships is a sign that you’re into a rebound relationship.
5. Pillow talk isn’t your thing
When your partner wants to talk about progressing in your relationship, do you hush them with your passion in bed?
Even when your partner talks to you about their day after bonding sexually, you’re always tired. You tell them you’ll talk after a nap but you never do.
Such behavior implies you don’t want any emotional attachment… you got into a “rebound” relationship only for sex.
6. Your daily dose of entertainment = ex
When you want to entertain yourself or your partner, what are your topics? Instead of sharing memes, do you show them how ridiculous your ex looks in their recent display picture?
Or, speak fondly of your current partner and shun your ex? Despite how you disrespect your ex, you’re still not over them.
If you’re not over your ex, this is definitely a rebound relationship.
7. You get indigestion from ex’s name
Whenever friends or family bring up topics about your ex, how do you deal with it?
Instead of taking it casually, if you avoid mentioning their names every time, you still have unresolved issues – regret, grudge, or even questions.
Your ex’s memories start the stir in your heart you’re so desperately avoiding, so you try to avoid their topic in front of others.
Bottom line: they still matter to you… and your current relationship is a rebound one.
8. Your relationship isn’t a big deal
How does the topic of romantic relationships feel after your last breakup? Think they aren’t a big deal? Think you must mingle because mankind must?
But have no emotions attached to your current relationships… think there’s no future to relationships and it’s just a game?
Then you’re not only in a rebound relationship, but also need medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
9. No reason to love them
What do you love about your current partner? Their kindness, stubbornness, honesty, or even their body??
It’s concerning if you can’t answer that question… it seems you’re dating to replace your emotions and anybody that can fill in the void.
You didn’t care about the other person, rather just needed a bandage to fix your broken heart… that’s the exact definition of a rebound relationship.
10. You’re polar opposites
What are your favorite date activities? Or, perhaps you don’t have anything in common so you stick to the regulars… food, movies, and sex.
If that’s the story of your relationship, you don’t have anything in mind about your future. You only desire a few moments’ fun and are satisfied with it.
You only want to fill a void with a rebound relationship, without any attachment.
11. You have no idea what you want
When people start dating, they have certain things on their mind… for instance, how far do they want to go with their relationship? Do they want to keep it slow and then in a few years think of settling down somewhere?
Such feelings eventually knock your mind when you’re seriously dating.
However, if you don’t know your intentions with your current relationship, then you’re not over your ex. It’s a rebound situation to help you pass your time.
12. You’re scared of a future
Another possibility is that it’s not that you can’t imagine a future, but you fear such thoughts. Possibly, your ex refused you when you brought up the topic of long-term commitment, and it deeply impacted you.
After that incident, you think the other person can decide the shots on your relationship or you’ll choose a short-term relationship to avoid similar humiliation.
You’re in a rebound relationship and it’s time to heal your emotional wounds.
13. You love the attention
Your ex left you feeling miserable, worthless, and undesired, so you want somebody who can help you get rid of such feelings. You want to feel validated, worthy, desirable, and good in general.
Perhaps you accepted the person who gave you the most attention… Someone who always hits you up, makes you feel needed.
You’re in a rebound relationship because you don’t want to feel lonely and remember the bad experiences.
14. Your ex still hurts you
Perhaps some nights you still mentally beat yourself up about mistakes in your past relationship. You feel what if you didn’t do something, regret losing the chances of saving your previous relationship.
While being in a relationship, if you mourn over your ex, that’s disrespectful to your partner.
It implies you still wish they were there in your life… and your current partner is nothing but a rebound to you.
15. You’re wearing a mask
Are you specifically hiding from your current partner? Scared they’ll reject you if they know the real you?
Possibly your fears are from your previous relationship. Your previous partner wounded your self-confidence and mental health.
If you constantly need to cover your true self with a façade of a flawless person, these are red flags of a rebound relationship.
Still confused? Well then, go through these…
Questions to ask yourself to know if you’re rebounding
To understand your situation even better, i.e., whether you’re rebounding or not, simply answer the following 5 questions honestly. Understand what your heart truly wants for yourself…
1. How do you feel about your ex?
2. Do you think you can love your ex and your current partner simultaneously? Think you have lingering emotions for your ex?
3. Are you emotionally prepared to begin a new relationship?
4. Do you know why your last relationship failed?
5. How much can you bond with another person in your current state?
Rebound Relationship Signs – When your partner is rebounding
The other situation is when your partner is rebounding, i.e., you’re a rebound partner. If you suspect it, check these…
1. There’s an emotional barrier
So, how do you guys spend your time together? Do you show your vulnerabilities to each other or is it a no entry for your partner?
Your partner might not always be in the mood to bond emotionally, but if they’re never up for heart-to-heart chats, know that they’re emotionally unavailable… and you might be their rebound partner.
2. They still bring up their ex
What do you guys talk about? Common interests, work, school, family, and even exes?
When your conversation is about old times, and they talk about their ex, that’s okay. However, how frequently is that? If your partner brings up their ex from time to time, they’re still not over their ex.
Perhaps they still stalk their ex and gossip about them… that’s a warning sign.
3. It’s an endless dark tunnel
This one depends on your relationship duration. If you only started dating for a few weeks, don’t expect to reach relationship milestones so soon.
However, if you’re dating for months or years and it’s still the same as day one… still awkward, no progress in emotional connection, no plans for trips and special dates, no celebrations about your relationships… That’s a red flag.
To sum up, if your relationship is in a standstill position, that’s not good news.
4. They sob about their breakup
If your partner still has lingering emotions for their ex – for instance they take a huge amount of time mourning about their breakup, or feel hurt for what happened in the past – you’re a rebound partner.
Such signs imply they can’t entirely commit to your relationship, and their ex holds a bigger space in their mind than you.
5. They don’t intend to introduce you into their life
Did your friends and family meet the person you’re dating? If not, then why?
Did you try multiple times and they stood up to your loved ones? Fine, perhaps they were busy.
However, did they ever apologize for it, ask you to reschedule the meeting, or even take you to meet their loved ones?
If you answered no, it’s a sign of a rebound situation.
6. Long term plans are a NO-NO
How far into the future did you guys plan? Did you ever plan for a date or vacation months later? For instance, plans for a Christmas date in July.
How does your partner react to such plans? If they don’t show equal enthusiasm or ask you to leave it for later because it’s too early, they aren’t invested in this relationship.
It’s their way of signaling they aren’t serious and don’t imagine a long-lasting relationship with you.
7. They don’t know what was wrong
What were your partner’s breakup reasons? What went wrong in their relationship? Or perhaps what didn’t work out in their relationship?
When you ask such questions, how does your partner react? Do they answer your questions well?
If they can’t clearly answer them, they don’t know the reasons and they didn’t learn anything from their last relationship.
This implies they have neither processed their previous relationship nor healed… and you’re possibly a rebound.
8. They’re casually dating
What type of relationship are you guys in? Are you both wholeheartedly committed to each other? Have some plans for the future if things work out well between you two? That’s great news.
However, if your partner began the relationship with a phrase like “Let’s keep things casual” that’s concerning. This is a rebound relationship, but they’re honest about it.
They know what they want, so maintain your boundaries and don’t expect anything from the relationship.
9. Everything’s too fast
Perhaps you’re weeks into the relationship and they’re moving too fast? They rush to meet each other’s friends and family, already have thoughts of marriage and how many children they want…
Whoa there! What’s happening in your relationship? If you’re not long-term friends, how can they move so fast?
Perhaps, they’re still stuck in their old relationship, and they are so desperate to keep hanging onto you… another warning sign.
10. It’s you vs their ex
Another red flag is when your partner constantly compares you to their ex. It’s either “You’re way better than my ex… I wish they cherished me as much as you do…”
Or, “You don’t even love me half as much as my ex. They went to great lengths for me.”
Both situations are toxic and demeaning… even if you’re better, why bring up bad memories in good times?
They clearly have unresolved issues from their past relationship.
11. You know nothing about their ex
The polar opposite can also be a warning sign. In healthy relationships, partners openly talk about exes and breakups whenever it comes up… it’s all part of honest communication.
However, if your partner hides all details about their ex, or avoids such topics, it implies they have grudges on their ex.
They still think a lot about their ex, and this is a rebound relationship.
12. Everything goes on social media
After you guys started dating, what did your partner do? Did they post a picture with you about your relationship?
Do they obsess over their social media status more than your relationship?
Whether you go out on dinner dates or an intimate party, they always want to post pictures with you. Although it feels great to catch their attention, why is social media so important?
Perhaps they want to show you off to their ex and make them jealous. That’s a clear warning sign of a rebound relationship.
13. They go hot and cold
How do you feel about your relationship? Do they treat you like a prince(ss) one moment? And just another moment goes hiding for days?
If it’s both and you’re always left confused about your relationship, that’s concerning.
When someone needs you only to divert their thoughts from their ex, they behave like you’re the love of their life…
However, the next moment they might not pay attention to you because they don’t miss their ex anymore.
14. Only the sex is good
Another way your partner distracts themselves from their ex’s thoughts is with good sex.
If you don’t feel any emotional attachment from your partner but you still choose to stay because the sex is bomb… it’s a bad sign.
Perhaps they want nothing more than casual sex from their relationship. However, if they were honest about their intentions from the beginning, there’s nothing wrong.
15. You’re nowhere in their happiness
What’s their mood when you guys catch up? If they’re always sad, you may start feeling insecure and helpless.
Also, why are they in a relationship if they’re never happy around you?
Perhaps, they’re using you to suppress the pain accused from the past relationship and utterly failing… and that’s why you never see them in a good mood.
This is another rebound relationship sign you must stay aware of.
Still not sure? Here are a few…
Questions to ask yourself to know if someone else is rebounding with you
So, you’re thinking your partner is rebounding with you? Perhaps your instincts say your relationship won’t last long.
Answer these questions to find a conclusion…
1. What qualities does your partner need in a relationship?
2. What kind of relationship do they want to explore currently?
3. Are they a monogamist or a polyamorist?
4. Are they confident about loving you while they heal from their previous relationship wounds?
5. What do they feel after their breakup?
If you want the very small yet significant hints of a rebound relationship, go through these…
Rebound relationships characteristics
Your rebound relationship might vary a bit from another’s when it comes to feelings, relationship duration, commitment, and so on. However, there’s always a pattern in rebound relationships.
Let’s head to the most common ones here…
1. A very fresh breakup
The most common characteristic of rebound relationships is a fresh breakup. Rebounders start dating as soon as they break up and don’t take time to heal.
2. Regular contrast with ex
Another characteristic of rebound relationships is a constant comparison of the rebound partner with the rebounder’s ex. Their ex is always on their mind despite how far they proceed in the new relationship.
3. Fear of emotional attachment
In rebound relationships, rebounders naturally face difficulties committing to their rebound partner. However, they also desire to be intimate quickly to relive the past relationship.
For instance, a rebounder won’t care about your emotions but also behave like you’re in a long-term relationship.
4. Contacting or stalking ex
Since rebounders still have many complicated feelings about their ex, they feel like staying in contact with their ex… either to get back with or at them.
5. Rebound partners are not partners
Rebounders never treat their partners equally… instead, they contact them only when they’re down and need a pep-talk.
Also, rebounders never keep their partner in the loop, i.e., maintain a certain distance with them.
Curious what happens in a rebound relationship? They always go through the…
Rebound relationship stages
A rebound relationship always undergoes the same relationship stages despite the differing duration of each stage for each relationship.
You might not identify them quickly because different people take different times for each stage.
However, there are always five stages of a rebound relationship
Stage 1: The Hunting Stage
As soon as you break up with a partner, you feel a void inside you. That’s when the hunt for a new partner begins.
Though everyone doesn’t follow the same theme, most people start dating someone they friend-zoned, or someone they assured their partner isn’t a threat to the relationship.
Since you’re not over your ex, you naturally search for someone who’ll catch your ex’s eye, make them react, or even bring them back to you.
Stage 2: The Honeymoon Stage
While everything’s new about your current relationship, they pay attention to you, treat you better, support you when you’re down… you’re unsure about your destination.
Sometimes you wonder what the goal of your relationship is, whether you two are right for each other, whether you really love them or the attention… but ignore it because everything about them is fun.
However, such thoughts pile up and become a huge issue in your relationship later.
Stage 3: The Realization Stage
All the doubts from the honeymoon phase bother you more in the realizations stage. You understand minor differences are in the way of enjoying life.
You frequently fight but there’s no proper resolution. Rather, you end up compromising every time… because you fear loneliness.
Though nothing’s wrong with compromising, the “aim” of it is selfish – you want company despite your feelings towards them – and the suppressed emotions lead you to the next stage.
Stage 4: The Outburst Stage
Even though you suppress your emotions for so long, you can’t handle them forever. At some point, you can’t differentiate between your current and previous relationship.
You say “You’re no better than my ex” or “All men/women are the same.”
Until this moment, your rebound partner didn’t identify any signs and felt everything was alright. The moment you burst like that, they believe they’re really worthless or give up on the relationship.
Some people don’t come off as hurtful and realize that they were dating for the wrong reasons.
Stage 5: The Fallout Stage
Finally, you understand that things won’t work out if you continue like this… that you’ll only hurt your rebound partner. You accept the fact that you need a therapist or more time before dating.
Some people take a break to sort things out and begin dating if their rebound partner is ready to give it another shot.
Surprised to know that rebound relationships never end well but people still go for it? Let me tell you…
Why do people seek rebound relationships?
People begin rebound relationships to either forget their ex or build better emotional connections. However, you can change the aim of your relationship midway from the first to the second.
Surprisingly, people seek rebound relationships for two contrasting reasons. Some want to run away from reality and focus on selfish desires, while others want to find a shoulder to cope with pain.
However, your reasons can shift from one to the other with time. So, let’s check them…
1. To distract yourself from real issues
The first thing in your mind will be selfish desires. Since your ex left a huge void in your chest, you fumble around to fill it up. You need someone to reassure you’re great as you are.
Don’t feel guilty about your feelings… it’s normal to seek acceptance and desire others’ love for human beings.
However, if you’re fulfilling your desires at the expense of your current partner, that’s worrisome. If you’re not transparent about your feelings, you’ll hurt them in the process.
2. To focus on the real issues
Or, you might be aware of your issues, and simply want to work on your emotions.
You begin a relationship, communicate honestly about what you desire and experience so your new partner doesn’t misunderstand.
You heal yourself while being in a new relationship, and regain self-confidence without needing your partner.
When people have such reasons, they easily turn the page of their life without much damage to anybody.
Even if you began your relationship because of the first reason, you can still communicate honestly and start afresh for a healthy relationship.
But are rebound relationships always bad? No, there are some…
Benefits of rebound relationships
Rebound relationships can help you heal yourself if you’re honest with yourself, your partner, and focus on a better life in the future. But communication is a must for having a successful rebound relationship.
Wanna know more? Let’s get down to business…
1. You understand you’re not unlovable
After a bad breakup, you feel devastated, unlovable, fumble around to find where you went wrong. Questions like “Am I a bad lover? Did I let them down? Where did I go wrong?” arise in your mind.
A new lover shows you that you’re capable of loving them, making them happy, and are as lovable as others. A rebound relationship can work as a confidence booster in your life.
2. You get over your ex quickly
You might seek a rebound relationship because you want to get over your ex. If your rebound partner knows about your situation, they will try their best to fill your mind with only themselves.
Spending more quality time with your rebound partner multiplies your chances of getting over your ex and forgetting the hurtful feelings from the last relationship.
3. You awaken your inner Dora (the explorer)
When one relationship doesn’t work in your life, you define your boundaries… What’s off-limits for you and what do you desire? After knowing about your likes and dislikes, you can easily explore your new relationship.
Though this needs clear communication about what you want in your relationship… This also increases the chances of knowing yourself even better.
If things work well, your rebound relationship can turn into a real relationship.
4. You ooze with optimism
After a breakup, you might feel hopeless. Say, you feel that you can’t love anyone other than your previous partner… since many people begin dating with the intentions of lifetime bonds, breakups hurt real bad.
However, a rebound relationship is a proof that your emotions still work fine… you can love all over if you have the will.
Even if your rebound relationship ends on a sour note, you understand that you can deal with breakups.
5. Your burn down toxic bridges
If you were previously dating a toxic or abusive partner, a rebound relationship is the best way to stop reuniting with the previous partner.
Many people in unhealthy relationships simply make up because their partner promised to change and treat them better.
They get hurt multiple times and it becomes an unhealthy loop for breakups and patch-ups.
However, rebound relationships aren’t mostly great. Why? Learn from the…
Challenges of rebound relationships
When your intentions aren’t clear about your rebound relationship, or you’re not honest with your partner… many challenges will arise in this relationship.
Usually, such challenges are the greatest deal-breakers in rebounds.
1. It’s a short-term solution
A rebound relationship might be a great distraction… but that’s all, it’s a distraction. Without the right intentions, your rebound relationship will help you deal with the pain for a short time.
Soon, you’ll undergo the five stages of a rebound relationship and breakup without any proper progress. You’ll feel bad about yourself when your rebound partner leaves you.
Always communicate your situation honestly if you want to make your rebound relationship work.
2. You might seek someone equally toxic
Unfortunately, some people tend to seek their ex in their new partner. If your ex was toxic or abusive, you’ll seek someone of equal standards and get hurt.
It’s not an intentional move though, you do it out of familiarity. However, think clearly, do you want to experience the same pain again?
Also, don’t ask your new partner to fill in your ex’s limitations. Rebound partners are human too, and some people expect them to be customized dolls.
3. You brush the issues under the rug
Failed relationships teach many deep lessons in your life. However, if you jump into a rebound relationship and forget to deal with your emotions, it’s no use.
For instance, understand what kind of partner you desire in your life. Do you want them to support you more, or connect better with you emotionally? Or, perhaps you found things you can’t tolerate in a relationship.
A rebound relationship might distract you from the real deal.
4. You might have vengeful thoughts
Your previous relationship possibly ended sourly… and of course, you have some negative feelings towards them. If you act on the negative feelings to begin your new relationship, it’s not a good idea.
For instance, you date your ex’s best friend to get back at them… it only proves that your life still revolves around your ex.
You won’t move forward with this kind of mentality, instead, you’ll feel way worse and more miserable than before.
5. Threaten everyone’s mental health
Forget about your ex… if the goals of your rebound relationship surround your ex, you’ll mentally torture yourself along with your current partner.
Perhaps your partner expects you to move forward with them in the relationship, but you don’t have any clue about their wishes.
Your insecurity triggers insecurities in your partner. Everyone is losing in this kind of rebound situation.
6. You become codependent
If you begin your rebound relationship to feel good about yourself, that’s alright.
However, you can’t leave all the work to your rebound partner and sit back comfortably, you won’t progress in this relationship.
Instead, you become someone too dependent on your new partner for every happiness in your life aka codependent.
Codependent relationships are quite unhealthy because your mental well-being, confidence, or even dignity completely depends on the other person.
7. You can’t reconcile
Perhaps your ex wasn’t that bad and it was only a bad lover’s spat. Getting back at your ex with a rebound relationship only reduces your chances of reconciliation.
You might completely lose a gem if you hurriedly get in a new relationship to get them jealous. However, it will be fair for the ex as they can move on with someone with more confidence in their relationship.
8. Opportunists get opportunities
Post-breakup scenario: You’re vulnerable, broken-hearted, weak, unconfident.
This is the best chance for any opportunist to manipulate you for their gains… might be financial, emotional, or even sexual exploitation.
While you feel the rebound relationship will heal you, the opportunists will make the best out of your situation and leave you feeling worse.
So, always begin a relationship with a clear head.
9. You can’t understand your feelings
Suppose you broke up and began a rebound relationship on the same day.
You have multiple emotions on your mind like… grudge, shame, and pain from your previous relationship… attraction, affection, the pressure of making your new partner happy.
Lots of things go around in your head, and it’s common to get confused about your feelings. You dismiss your current partner’s feelings while having vengeful thoughts about your ex.
10. You hurt your current partner
Your current partner has certain expectations from you. However, if you’re dating them because you want to ward off loneliness or bother your ex… how will they feel?
You’re simply using their feelings to protect yourself when you don’t harbor any intentions of long-term dating.
Not disclosing your stance before beginning a rebound relationship is unfair to your current partner.
Learning more challenges than benefits about rebound relationships possibly disheartened you. Know if there’s any future of the current situation from…
Can rebound relationships last?
Rebound relationships might last, but they don’t because your feelings change as you heal from the previous relationship and understand you don’t need the current partner.
Rebound relationships don’t do much for the mental development or healing of the rebounder. Rather it buries your real issues under the façade of a new relationship.
So, rebound relationships aren’t supposed to last too long. Since you’re still hungover from your ex in a rebound relationship, it’s obvious you can’t do the bare minimum to sustain your current relationship.
Although it doesn’t imply that a rebound relationship will always fail – you can also get into serious committed relationships – but usually, they don’t.
A long time after entering into a relationship, rebounders understand what’s missing in the relationship.
Following the realization, they seek time, space, or even a break from the relationship to solve issues from the previous relationship.
After such breaks, rebounders hardly unite with their rebound partners.
Even if they don’t last for all of eternity, you must be curious about…
How long do rebound relationships last?
Rebound relationships last from a month to a year, depending on how long you take to recover from the previous breakup.
You don’t look at the qualities of your new partner while seeking a rebound relationship… which makes rebound relationships weak to the core.
There’s no genuine understanding, bonding, affection, or attraction in a rebound relationship.
Instead, you have lingering feelings of love, hatred, regret, or something else about your previous relationship.
You seek a rebound relationship because you want someone to soothe your pain, anger, or bitterness not because you love them.
Once you’re over such emotions, you don’t find a reason to stay back in your rebound relationship – the realization stage – and that’s close to the end.
Rebound relationships include all five stages and depending from person to person it can last in between a month to a year.
After realizing you’re in a rebound relationship, don’t sit idle. Learn…
What to do if you’re in a rebound relationship?
A rebound relationship can be from either side of the relationship. When you hastily begin a relationship after a breakup, you’re the rebounder and your partner the rebound partner.
If you think you’re a rebounder in your rebound relationship, honestly answer a few questions like
1. Did you come to terms with your recent breakup? Or, are you trying to?
2. Did you learn anything at all from the breakup?
3. Are you comfortable without a relationship?
4. Can you feel confident about yourself without your current partner?
5. Are you honest with your partner about your last relationship?
If you answered NO to any of the questions, you need to heal soon from your past breakup.
The other case is: If you think your partner is a rebounder, i.e., they recently had a breakup… answer these questions honestly…
1. Does your partner satisfy you in this relationship as you desire?
2. Do they connect to you the way you want them to? Or, are they trying to?
3. Do you feel happy and supported in your relationship?
4. Do you feel your partner moved on from their ex?
5. Did your partner share what went wrong in their previous relationship yet?
If any of your answers were NO, talk to your partner about consulting a therapist to heal.
However, if you mostly answered NO, better take a peek at…
How do you know it’s time to end a rebound relationship?
If you began the rebound relationship to reunite your ex or for revenge, end it. But if you really love your current partner, don’t end it.
It’s all about your intentions!
Whether you or your partner is the rebounder, if you answered NO for around four to five questions, the intentions of your rebound relationship aren’t pure.
For instance, the rebounder in your relationship is still hung over their ex’s feelings. They must work on them and get over them before beginning a relationship.
Else the rebounder will drastically hurt the rebound partner.
Consider ending your rebound relationship in such situations to protect both sides from further damage.
However, if you answered NO to only one or two questions, then the rebounder has pure intentions.
Perhaps they’re making hasty life decisions and didn’t work on the past feelings, but they aren’t using their partner for their convenience.
In such situations, no need to end your rebound relationship, rather seek a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Think it’s time to end things? I got you…
How to get out of a rebound relationship?
If you want to end your rebound relationship as a rebounder, I understand you’re afraid. Breakups don’t feel great and you’re unsure how your partner will handle it.
However, don’t think pretending everything’s alright will help. Instead, get out of the relationship with a few steps in mind…
1. Begin with yourself
Even if you had no intentions of returning their love from the beginning, or hate yourself for treating your partner cruelly… be honest.
Hate yourself all you want, but don’t give excuses for your rebound relationship.
If you’re unable to comprehend your feelings, speak to a trusted friend or family member.
2. Never drag it
The moment you suspect you’re in a rebound relationship, never delay this process. You might feel unsure about it, feel you’ll hurt them, and must continue the relationship for longer.
But why? Though your partner might love you deeply, and already hopes to settle down with you, you can’t ever give them true happiness.
They don’t need pity, rather work on setting them free sooner to find their real happiness.
3. Choose a proper situation
Your partner is possibly planning the next dates or vacation while you check this think-piece. Understand the graveness of the matter? They won’t take the news well, so choose a safe space where they can cry and rest.
Don’t make them travel miles to break up… traveling in their state of mind will be dangerous.
So, break up in person around their neighborhood or home. Don’t do it over calls unless you’re in a long-distance relationship.
4. Convince them it isn’t them
Don’t just say “It’s not working out… let’s break up.” That doesn’t work for any romantic relationship… even if you didn’t emotionally invest in your relationship, they did.
Consider what’s going through them… a million self-doubting questions run every second in their mind.
Make them realize you’re not breaking up because they’re at fault… don’t create your second version – another rebounder.
5. Validate their feelings
They will have bitter feelings, for giving them hope, promising them an impossible future. Perhaps your partner planned how many kids they want from you.
Even if it was a short-term relationship, some people really do plan too far in the future. You aren’t responsible for their dreams, but the hopes.
When they cry, empathize with them and lend a shoulder if you can.
6. Take the blame
What’s the reason for your rebound relationship? You need to cling to somebody, soothe your wounds, and distract yourself… confess that.
Pose the villain in their life to help them get over it sooner. YOU can’t continue the relationship… YOU are emotionally closed… they tried their best but YOU aren’t ready for it.
If you wanted to keep things casual but they gave away their heart, apologize for not coming off clean earlier.
7. Give them closure
Your partner will have questions about the meaning of your current relationship, and what position your previous relationship holds in your heart.
They might ask if you’ve plans to date anytime soon and if they have a chance.
Answer honestly without any hopes. Even if you plan to date, tell them you’re not sure when.
Even if you feel you genuinely like them, don’t disclose that… else they’ll keep waiting for all of eternity.
8. Tell them you’ll not go back to your ex
Another question: “Will you get back with your ex?”
Even if you plan to, don’t say yes… else you’ll hurt them big time. Assure them that the breakup isn’t because you won over your ex and don’t need your current partner anymore.
Sometimes, dishonesty can protect others… so use it wisely.
9. Don’t give false hope
When you break up, ensure that they understand the situation… that you broke up for good, and have no chances of getting back.
Tell them that you’ll get back to be acquaintances or friends/coworkers… whatever your relationship was before dating.
This step is hurtful, but do it for their welfare. They deserve a healthy relationship, so this is your last attempt to help them move on.
They’ll hope to reunite with you after you heal, however, if you don’t plan that, be honest but don’t intentionally spit hurtful words.
10. Never check-in
You two don’t need to become strangers… if you’re comfortable being friends with each other, then why not? However, when you guys hang out, never bring up old memories from your relationship.
Don’t say “You always ordered that drink even when we dated”
Or, “You didn’t change a bit.”
Don’t remind them about the broken relationship and resurface their wounds. Stay in the friend zone if you don’t plan to date them.
However, if you plan to do just the opposite, that’s also possible. Here’s…
How can you make a rebound relationship last longer?
Rebound relationships aren’t completely hopeless if you (the rebounder) are serious about your relationship. Yes, fortunately, if you fell hard for your rebound partner, there’s hope for you.
So, without much delay, let’s learn…
1. Tally with the signs
From the several signs of a rebound relationship, how much do you match? Does your rebound relationship entirely focus on yourself and your past relationship?
Or, do you have a soft corner for your rebound partner?
Understand your concealed emotions… are your actions in your current relationship to show off or hide certain emotions, or do you simply enjoy it?
2. Talk to your loved ones
If you can’t figure out things, talk to your friends and family… this isn’t the time to come clean to your partner yet, if you plan to continue the relationship.
Ask your loved ones’ opinions on this situation. Be very open about it to get accurate answers.
Sometimes, your loved ones notice things you can’t notice about yourself… usually because they aren’t stuck in complicated emotions.
Don’t talk with anyone who judges people, or makes hasty decisions… else your relationship is as good as gone.
3. Don’t rush to break up
Don’t break up because it’s a rebound relationship… rebound situations aren’t bad as long as your intentions aren’t. And here, you clearly want to work it out, so no dramatic rush.
Instead, focus on how you fared in the relationship…
How was the journey so far? What do you like about your current partner? What about them pisses you off? Do you want them to change?
Think this relationship will be perfect if you make a few amendments? Will the changes interfere with your partner’s individuality?
Find the answers to these questions… surely you have lots to say.
4. Share the circumstances
Now it’s time to disclose to your partner about the rebound situation. Don’t say that the relationship was a mistake or you’re sorry right from the beginning.
Show this think-piece to your partner, tell them about your emotional baggage, and that your current partner matters.
Rebound or not, they mean a lot to you (if they truly do, don’t spout lies otherwise). Show them you’re serious about your relationship and work things out the right way.
Communicate about what you like and dislike in the relationship, and try reaching the middle grounds where nobody loses.
5. Heal with professional aid
After realizing the unresolved issues, work on them. Seek a mental health therapist or a marriage and family therapist. Figure out a path from the past.
Your therapist might suggest including your partner in the process. Talk to your partner about it and invite them on the journey. They’ll understand your efforts to sustain the relationship and support you.
After all, this is for you guys’ future and a healthy relationship.
However, are you anxious because most rebound relationships don’t work? Are you unable to take the big leap of faith because failure awaits in the end?
Don’t generalize your relationship, rather know…
Why do rebound relationships fail?
“Usually” rebound relationships don’t work, people break up sooner or later after realizing the truth.
Sounds painful but it’s true… so if you find anything common from this list, know that your relationship foundation is shaky… otherwise, don’t sweat it.
1. You pick the wrong baggage
A failed relationship teaches you lots of things. However, it depends on you what kind of lesson you accept and leave behind.
If you still carry around emotional baggage from your last relationship and didn’t consider the lessons about your likes, dislikes, and expectations from the failed relationship… The rebound relationship won’t work.
2. You’ve impure intentions
After the previous breakup and before entering into a relationship… What were your goals?
If you want to win back your ex, make them jealous, bother them, then your mind still revolves around your ex. You are still replaying your past relationship in your mind.
Your current (rebound) relationship will fail if you don’t focus.
3. You don’t love them
Usually, rebound relationships never begin with true love. You feel you need them, they are your destiny, you’ll be happy with them… but it’s not true.
You felt that in the heat of a moment when you almost lost everything. Rebound relationships have weak foundations so you can’t sustain them for a long time.
4. You have high expectations
People begin rebound relationships hoping that it will solve all of their woes.
You depend on a rebound relationship to get mental happiness, heal the bad feelings, join your heart’s broken pieces.
When you realize your rebound partner isn’t capable of that, you realize the relationship won’t work. Also, your partner is always under the pressure to perform their best.
Your relationship becomes a 24/7 job instead.
5. You want to distract yourself
After a breakup, since you can’t ignore the pain, you search for something to hide it. You seek a relationship where happiness overpowers hurtful feelings.
You aim to fill your mind with the new partner to forget about the previous one. You don’t find any point in staying back after moving on from the breakup… and your relationship fails.
Like any relationship, rebound relationships are no less complex, that’s why you can clear more doubts from some…
FAQs about rebound relationships
Your mind is naturally jumbled with questions about your relationship… There’s nothing wrong if you feel guilty, sad, or distressed about your current situation.
So, find more info down here to clear your mind and strive forward to a healthy future….
You never develop emotions in a rebound relationship, so after ending it, you hardly feel any remorse or hurt. You don’t cry over the loss or talk a lot about your rebound partner.
You won’t notice anything similar to the breakup before the rebound relationship.
If the rebound relationship began with physical or sexual attraction, the passion dies away indicating the end of the rebound relationship.
Not often, but you totally can.
You only wanted to soothe yourself when you began the relationship. The relationship probably had no feeling from your side.
However, if your partner’s intense attention and care reach your heart… if you’re open enough to accept and realize their love… you might slowly but surely fall for them.
A rebound relationship can result in a long-term relationship and even marriage.
It depends on the situation and your feelings. There’s no strict formula for getting back your ex.
For instance, if your rebound relationship doesn’t satisfy you, you’ll miss your ex even harder and begin to cherish their efforts.
On the other hand, if your ex has lingering feelings for you, they might respond once you reach out to them sincerely.
Don’t think that your ex will return because they’re jealous of your rebound relationship… that never happens.
You receive lots of attention and emotional support from your rebound partner.
You feel it’s love because your partner makes you feel good.
You seek support and confidence in their life after a breakup… which you get in a rebound relationship.
Since you jump from the previous relationship to the new one, you hardly process your feelings and thoughts which leads to confusion about your feelings.
The confusion again makes you think it’s love.
No and never.
For any relationship – rebound or not – always be clear about your emotions, desires, expectations, boundaries, and limits.
Fill in the gaps with communication to refrain from hurting anyone.
You can’t date another person without talking about your basic needs in a relationship. It will also help you sustain a relationship.
That’s great news, go for it!
If you honestly started off your relationship, told them it’s a rebound… move on to the next stage of the relationship with communication. Tell them that you’re ready for more, and are serious about it.
If you didn’t hit it off honestly, break the word. Tell them about your past intentions and that your feelings grew stronger.
However, if they are the rebounder and you want more, communicate… that’s the only way.
Begin your conversations like
“I want to be honest with you… I think I developed feelings. I want to give it a real shot this time.”
Whether you’re nervous, feel like you’re head over heels… tell them everything honestly and ask their thoughts about it.
If you get a green signal, perhaps it’s time to plan a proposal.
If not, well time to break things off.
If your partner wants something serious but you can’t, tell them how you feel. Turn them down honestly without hurting them.
Say: “I like it casual and I’m not open to beginning anything serious now”.
Or, “Your feelings made me happy, but I’m not emotionally available for a real relationship. In fact, it’s unfair towards you if I’m unclear about my feelings… and it’s a lot of burden.”
Tell them you need time to heal.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Even if rebound relationships generally don’t work out, it’s fine as long as you treat yourself and your current partner well.
After all, even if you undergo therapy and take more time before dating after a breakup… you can’t say that you’re completely over your ex.
You won’t forget your ex, they’ll be on your mind sometimes… but make sure you actually learned something from your last relationship and no longer obsess over them.
Before beginning a new relationship, definitely share past experiences while you figure out what each of you wants in a relationship.
Remember, it’s all about intentions and efforts… If you give this relationship your heart and soul, you’ll soon find that rebounds can also be long-term commitments.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...