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How to Reconnect with Your Spouse Emotionally, Physically or Intellectually? [+10 Books]

How to Reconnect with Your Spouse Emotionally, Physically or Intellectually? [+10 Books]

Updated on Aug 11, 2023

Reviewed by Katina Tarver, MA (Mental Health and Wellness Counseling) , Life & Relationship Coach

How to Reconnect with Your Spouse Emotionally, Physically or Intellectually

Wondering how to reconnect with your spouse?  Do you feel that you lost the old spark from your marriage?

Well, during the honeymoon phase of your marriage, everything seems lovely and perfect. But a few years down the lane, the spark begins to fade… the saying “marriages are made in heaven” seems like a lie. 

Even if you try, reconnecting with your spouse and bringing back that spark can become quite difficult.

But worry not, because this think-piece has all the solutions to your problems. Be it physically, emotionally, or sexually- I have just the answers that you need to bring back the lovey-dovey times.

So, just dig in!

How to reconnect with your spouse emotionally?

Emotional reconnection is the first step towards rebuilding a solid foundation for any relationship! But in a pure and eternal bond like marriage, it is even more crucial.

Even simple activities like cooking together or going out for a movie on a romantic evening can do wonders for your marriage. So, let’s find out some great ideas here…

1. Cheer each other on

The first step that you must do to bring back the happy old times is to cheer for your spouse. Share their joys and success, and make sure they do the same for you. Have each other’s backs, even when one of you feels like giving up.

2. Appreciate their good qualities

This is a mantra that many married couples forget after being married for a few years. You must regularly appreciate each other’s qualities and talents!

This shows that you don’t take each other for granted. Even when you feel negative about them, look at the brighter side of things.

3. Write a love letter

Nothing works as well as a romantic and cheesy love letter! Not only is it a gift of transparency about your feelings, but you can also remember the sweet, romantic, heart-racing, naughty, or fun times that you both shared.

Also, you can’t ever go wrong by writing, “Hey there, the love of my life!”, isn’t it?

4. Volunteer together

Another fun activity that you both can do together is to volunteer somewhere. It can be in a soup kitchen, pet shelter, orphanage, old-age homes, and even in your own house!

For example, make a meal for each other, take Zumba classes together, or just go crazy in a karaoke competition! Come on, there are endless activities for you both!

5. Start a gratitude journal

Even in the toughest of times, you must practice gratitude … in fact, you must remind them that you cherish them even more during difficulties.

So, why not write a few lines on how amazing they are?

After each week, read each other’s diaries and you’ll be amazed to see how much your spouse still loves you!

6. Make a bucket list

Remember how they show in movies that accomplishing bucket lists is one of the most ideal ways to spend time together? Well, they aren’t wrong! Make a list and go crazy. From bungee jumping to casino nights, you’re free to note down anything and everything!

This will help you share a connection through your common interests and appreciate your uniqueness through the differences.

7. Ask about each other’s day

This might not seem like much, but simply asking your spouse how their day went can be a huge game-changer.

If you see that they seem down or upset, ask them gently, “Honey, how was work? Is everything okay?” and see the magic unfolding.

8. Give each other gifts

No, I’m not talking about gifting a diamond set to your wife or a Rolex watch to your husband.

A gift can be as simple as a flower bouquet, but make sure it holds some meaning. Again, write a tiny love letter to make the gift extra precious!

9. Make time for each other

I’ve noticed that the biggest reason why couples fail to reconnect is that they refuse to spend time together. Work and other commitments often make couples extremely busy.

But plan a proper schedule and go out on romantic dates at least once a week to get back that spark. Make a simple effort and it will be worth it.

10. Go on a vacation

If you’re not sure of how to reconnect with your spouse, simply plan a weekend getaway to a nice resort. Explore the place, learn about the culture, and have a great time together!

Nothing is as healing as a short trip. Even lazing around in a new environment will spike the bonding to the next level.

Once you build the emotional bridge, it’s time to focus on the physical one. So, let’s continue here…

How to reconnect with your spouse physically

Often people assume feel that physical and sexual connections in romantic relationships are the same.

However, it’s possible to reconnect with your spouse physically in the most beautiful ways and not in a non-sexual way. This will help you strengthen your bond and show them you don’t want them just for their body! So, let’s do that here…

11. Lay in bed together

If you and your partner aren’t ready to be sexually intimate right away but want some physical comfort, take notes! This is especially important for you guys.

After a long day, ask your spouse to lay beside you and talk about life together, or about each other’s greatest dreams and goals. This will help you get closer and more comfortable physically.

12. Hold hands and go for a walk

If you and your spouse love gazing at the natural beauty, then go for a walk to reconnect your souls.

When you go for morning or afternoon walks together, hold hands for a physical connection. It not only looks super cute but also makes you feel cherished and protected!

13. Give each other a massage

In today’s world of an endless rat race, who doesn’t like to relax and breathe a little? One surefire way of spending some quality time together is to give each other massages.

This is the best way to show you care for them after a long day. Start with back rubs, and who knows, you might just end up doing something kinky!

14. Hug them every morning

Before one of you leaves for work in the morning, hug each other. And no, I’m not talking about the half-hearted side hugs that people give in a hurry.

Hold each other tightly, as if you want to tell each other, “I’m not going to let you go!”

15. Tickle each other

Did you know that tickling is actually a form of therapy? Even though it sounds crazy, tickling each other is a great way to tell your spouse that you still love them and to make them laugh.

However, make sure your spouse doesn’t get annoyed with the tickles. Choose a time when they’re not in a bad mood or aren’t busy.

16. Dance together

Dancing together on a quiet evening with a romantic song playing on the stereo is an ideal way to keep that love alive. You don’t need to be a professional dancer for this!

As long as you both have some fun, that’s all that matters… so, tune in to both of your favorite songs. Slow dance, while you gaze into each other’s eyes, and feel the bond.

17. Have a picnic together

Prepare a romantic picnic basket together and go for a picnic on a sunny morning!

You can even do some great activities like bird-watching, people-watching, or identifying the different flora and fauna of that area together. Through the picnic date, you’ll both be bonded deeply.

18. Take care of each other’s health

Health is wealth, there’s no doubt about that. So, start taking care of each other’s health. Show that you cherish not only yourself but your spouse too. Express that their health is also your wealth through actions.

This is a secret mantra – always make your spouse’s health your priority.

19. Share your things with each other

Another secret that I’ll confide in you is to share each other’s belongings… no no, not your personal hygiene things like underwear or toothbrushes!

Rather, lend your spouse your t-shirt, or borrow their earphones for a day. These little acts of sharing can strengthen your bond. You feel so connected when each of you has a sign of your spouse on yourself… it’s somewhat like wearing your wedding rings but just a bit cuter.

20. Brush their hair

A beautiful physical, yet non-sexual act of intimacy is to dry and brush your spouse’s hair after they take a bath. You probably saw this in movies or read in books, now it’s time to actually do the trick!

Your spouse will feel amazing to have your fingers comb through their hair and scalp. It might be the perfect relaxing activity to help them relax and even fall asleep. The next time they brush their hair or dry their hair, they’ll remember this and feel a deep connection.

If you’re both physically and emotionally connected, it’s time to get steamier. So, follow the trail…

How to reconnect with your spouse sexually

This is probably the most fun part of this entire think-piece.

But remember, being sexually intimate with your partner can be really hard when your marriage lacks the old flame of burning passion. But I will walk you down some of the best ways to make you both sync in bed and on other surfaces together amazingly!

21. Indulge in lots of foreplay

Simply jumping into bed and doing the act won’t do your marriage any good, even if it feels great at that moment. Instead, take some time to devote to foreplay.

Understand each other’s preferences, kiss them, hug them, and do whatever makes them comfortable. Ask your partner what they like or what they want you to do to turn up the heat even more.

22. Play sexy games in the bedroom

So what if you both are adults now? You can still play naughty teenage games in the bedroom. Some of the best sexy games to play with each other are strip poker, sexy truth or dare, and naughty never have I ever. Add your own spin to these games and let the fun begin!

With your partner’s consent, you can introduce as many kinky requests as possible. But if they dislike anything, don’t push them.

23. Have a quickie

When you know you’re horny… and can even sense that your spouse is also feeling hot and bothered… but you’re short on time, what will you do?

Simple, indulge in a quickie! Sometimes, there’s absolutely nothing hotter than telling each other, “I want you right now, no questions asked” through your bodies… even when you’re short on time.

24. Give each other a naughty massage

As mentioned before, a regular massage is a great way to reconnect physically. But to connect sexually, you must spice things up! You can definitely go for a sexy or naughty massage for this one.

An amazing way to strengthen your sex life is to touch each other in forbidden places innocently during the massage. Continue the accidental brushing, fondling, and grabbing until your spouse can’t handle it any longer.

25. Dirty talk!

Even if you’re not a pro at talking dirty, there’s no harm in trying, right? In the bedroom, cuddle your spouse and tell them all your dirty fantasies.

Whisper into their ears about how you’d like to undo their clothes one at a time, and what you want to do with their body, and make sure the details are juicy!

You can even do this during an intimate date night. You won’t be able to control yourself and get to the action as soon as you get home.

26. Have sex in an unusual place

Constantly having sex in your bedroom can definitely dampen the spark in your marriage. Instead, try doing it with each other in an unusual place, such as the bathroom, or even a nightclub. I mean, there are so many surfaces in your house… why not cover all of them?

A change of place can do many wonders! After all, each surface will need different sex positions and techniques. Moreover, the thrill and novelty are to die for. 😉

27. Try role-playing

So, what are your naughty fantasies about your spouse? Ah… you don’t have to tell me! Rather note them down somewhere. Chat with your partner about your likes and dislikes and get ready for the main course!

Try some role-playing and make those fantasies come alive. Dress up in a sexy outfit and ask your spouse to do the same. For some lovely ideas, you can look up online for sexy role-playing costumes.

28. Surprise them

Imagine your spouse coming home from work and seeing you in very sexy lingerie or an outfit in the bedroom. The twinkle in their eyes will definitely show you all the emotions of thirst, desire, and burning passion!

Surprise your spouse with a romantic candle-lit bedroom with scented oils, and you in your sexiest form.

You can do this on a sex date… or, try to know about your spouse’s mood beforehand to make sure it’s the right time to execute the plan.

29. Send them naughty texts

Even if neither of you feels horny at the moment, you can always play a naughty prank or joke.

For example, when your spouse is at work, text them and say, “Hey hottie, I’ve been missing you” and send a selfie! That’s sure to make your marriage burn in the flames of love!

If you want to explore risky grounds, send them NSFW pictures at work. This, again, is a major teasing turn-on for sex dates. Your spouse won’t be able to wait until they get home.

30. Ask each other’s preferences

If you feel that you and your spouse have very different ideas, desires, and tastes about sex, it’s best to actually reach a middle point. Try out things that you both like and make sure whatever you do is done with complete consent. After all, consent is sexy!

So, have an honest and open chat about each of your ideas of satisfying sex. Find out what you both like, know what you don’t like or dislike but are ready to try out. You’ll definitely find out the best ways.

However, if you’re more interested in having a bond based on intellect, here’s the right one for you…

How to reconnect with your spouse intellectually

When it comes to reconnecting with your spouse intellectually, you might be at a loss. I understand this completely.

Everyone has a rough idea about how to physically or mentally connect with their significant others, but the intellectual or spiritual aspect is always hazy. So, come on, let me tell you a few tips!

31. Ask them about their biggest goals or dreams

Everyone loves to talk about their life’s ambitions and goals. So, if you want to be intellectually connected to each other strongly, discuss your greatest aims in your current life.

See if you can help your spouse in any way to achieve this goal. Always support each other and give constructive criticism.

32. Know what you like or dislike about each other

Next, ask your spouse about the traits that you feel they like and dislike about you, and tell them to be honest.

Yes, it might be tough to swallow the pill when they talk about your negative traits… but take that as a challenge to improve yourself further. Ask them for suggestions to change your flaws to understand each other better.

33. Buy them their favorite book

One simple thing that you can do to reconnect intellectually is to gift them their favorite book. If they already have that book, you can gift them another book by the same author and tell them, “Here, I bought this while thinking about you”.

They’ll be eager to read it and discuss it with you. Make sure you also read it once in case they want to discuss it with you.

34. Discuss your investments

Did you know that most people have no idea about their spouse’s salary, expenditures, and savings?

Money issues are one of the major factors in why marriages fall apart. If one spouse is more into living in the moment while the other thinks of long-term plans, that clash leads to major resentment.

You don’t have to keep tabs on your spouse all the time… nobody wants to do that! So, discuss finances and ways to invest or save money together.

35. Teach them new activities

If your spouse has wanted to cook a lovely meal for a long time but is a terrible cook, teach them how to do so. If you are terrible at drawing but your spouse is a talented painter, learn this art from them. Share your talents and hobbies with each other.

Build a bond between teacher and student and see each other in a new light. This can even increase physical and sexual intimacy.

36. Give each other space to grow

It’s essential to do major activities together to bond… but, don’t be one of those couples that have no life outside of each other!

So, it’s equally important to give each other space and independence. Help your spouse grow at their own pace.

Moreover, allow each other space when they need it. After a long and bad day at work, your spouse won’t like to be bombarded with questions about your vacation trip.

Or, after handling the children and sick elderly, they won’t like to be reprimanded about the burnt food. Allow the needed space to heal and grow.

37. Help them get over their fears

All of us have some or other fear. If your spouse is afraid of a certain thing but wants to get rid of that fear, help them through it. If they are under confident or shy, teach them how to be more confident in public.

For instance, if they’re insecure about something they mustn’t be, always remind them of the reality. If they’re insecure about real flaws, take steps to get rid of those.

Take apt steps and show them how much you cherish them.

38. Discuss your religious beliefs

This is especially important for inter-faith couples because your marriage might become rocky due to differences in your religious beliefs. You must sit down and talk things through. Both of you must keep an open and receptive mind here.

If either of your religious beliefs and rituals hurt the other’s religious sentiments, compromise. Remember, God doesn’t want you to fight with the love of your life. You can devote yourself to God in multiple other ways.

On the flip side, if you have the same religious beliefs, this is a simple way to bond. Every day, when you get time, read a verse from religious texts and discuss the inner meanings.

39. Thank each other

Thanking each other is, again, an essential point to intellectually reconnect. You’ll be surprised what a simple “Thank You” can do to a person’s mind. Also, make sure that you thank them sincerely, not just for the sake of saying something.

Instead of saying just “thank you”, tell them the reasons too and how much it means to you. This makes it sound so much more sincere. For instance, “Thank you for being by my side… I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Short, sweet, and aims right at the heart with cupid’s arrow.

40. Do some stargazing together

An activity as simple as stargazing can bring you both very close. Not only will you realize the vastness of the universe, but you will also understand why it chose you both to stay with each other. Also, you’ll get to know some cool constellations too!

You can visit the stargazing planetarium or an elevated pollution-free free space in the nature around you.

Are you still not satisfied? Want some more ideas? Let’s lead you to my bookshelf here…

Books on how to reconnect with your spouse

If you wish to know more about how to reconnect with your spouse in different ways, many authors wrote tons about them. You can get in-depth ideas from their books, understand your marriage, and feel closer. So, let’s know a few of them…

1. Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away- Gary Chapman

This lovely book breaks some common misconceptions about marriages and teaches you how to find love in each other and find the essence of your marriage all over from scratch.

2. No More Fighting- Alicia Munoz

Frequent fights between you both can be both mentally and emotionally draining. If you wish to find out a way out of this seemingly-endless pit, then this book by Alicia Munoz is your savior. It helps you to figure out where you both went wrong.

3. Eight Dates- John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

It’s never easy to navigate long-term commitments and promises. And John and Julie Gottman understand this like nobody else! That’s why this lovely paperback book comes with eight life-changing conversations that you MUST HAVE with your spouse. It comes with interactive activities and emotional conversations that will help you both to reconnect.

4. Healing From Infidelity – Jackson A. Thomas and Debbie Lancer

Contrary to popular belief, cheating isn’t always physical. And when you find out about your spouse’s infidelity, it’s quite difficult to place your trust in them again. Alternatively, if you’re the one who has cheated accidentally, you’re probably filled with guilt. So to help each other heal, this book is a must.

5. The Marriage Counseling Workbook – Emily Cook

This self-help book is exactly what the title claims to be… a workbook that tells you real-life examples of couples that worked their way through the rocky patches of marriage. This book comes with raw and honest tools to make you communicate with each other again.

6. Beyond Messy Relationships – Judy K. Herman

Before you can start working on your failing marriage, understand yourself first. And this book does exactly that. It helps you to figure out your own shortcomings, as well as your partner’s. This paperback will help you to heal from mental and emotional suffering.

7. Marriage Counseling and Anxiety In Relationship – Ester Novak

Ester Novak knows that a healthy marriage is heaven, but an unhealthy one is worse than hell. So in this book you will learn all about the concept of a healthy marriage, and the anxiety that you might face while your marriage is going through a hard time. It also teaches you how to deal with all your marital problems bravely.

8. Married Roommates – Talia Wagner and Alan Wagner

The title of this book can give you a fair idea of what to expect. If you’re married but you and your spouse live like roommates that spend no time together, then this is the ideal book for you. Learn how to turn a loveless marriage into one that thrives and brims over with romance.

9. Easy Marriage Counseling – Emelie A. Blank

This self-help book guides you through all the parts of marriage, both smooth and hard. If you devote just 20 minutes a week to the exercises given in this book, you’ll notice your rocky marriage transforming into a beautiful one. It also comes with a quick-counseling feature for the ones who wish to take some extra help.

10. Love Worth Making – Stephen Snyder

Is your married life turning sexless and boring? Then this book will show you how to spice up things in the bedroom again! It has won the prestigious Nautilus Golden Book Award for Relationships and Communication and reveals to you the best ways to have great sex.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Marriage is tough. It comes with so many commitments and responsibilities… even if you ask the grandpa down the lane about the secrets of their happy marriage, you might not get a perfect answer.

Since every couple is a unique combination, it’s always a big mystery. With repeated trials and errors, you can find out exactly what your marriage needs.

All the tips may not always work for all couples, but you’ll definitely learn more about your spouse and marriage… along with the secrets about how to save your marriage with your spouse.

But if it still doesn’t work, seek a licensed marriage and family therapist.