Wondering how to find true love? Tired of having shallow relationships? Want a taste of the sweet and serious devotion of a lover?
Well, I’m glad you’re ready to get serious about your love life. After all, life isn’t long enough to waste it having fun with temporary people.
And it seems you reached the right place to find your answer. This think-piece will guide you to reach your goals.
So, let’s set out to find long-lasting love here…
How to find true love? – 40 Ways
The quest for real love isn’t as simple as you think it to be… you need to put in some real effort to find the person of your dreams.
Let’s just all admit it, the butterflies in your stomach will not stay forever, they will eventually sleep. But true love is when your partner loves you still… no matter what.
…and that my friend is rare.
But don’t worry, it’s not impossible (especially with this list that you’re reading right now!).
1. Let go of past burdens
Most of us seek “true love” only after we get hurt once. If you’re the same, ask yourself whether you truly moved on from the past.
Do you still hope your ex will return? If yes, try to let go of such expectations slowly. Before you think about how to find true love again, vent out the bitter emotions to a friend or in a journal.
Otherwise, all your efforts might go in vain.
2. Own your past mistakes instead of playing victim
While you grieve about your past, you might blame your ex for the ruined relationship and paint yourself a victim.
Question yourself: “Was it completely their fault? Did I play no role? Did I even try to fix things?”
If you answer honestly, you’ll know you were equally responsible. So, even if you can’t forget everything so soon, accept your responsibility, and forgive yourself and your ex.
3. Don’t expect others to understand you, Know yourself!
“You don’t understand me at all!”… you probably came across similar phrases in novels, movies, around you, or perhaps you said it yourself.
Why wait for someone else to understand you? You’re not an open book for them to read and summarize. Honestly, in the current era, nobody puts in that kind of effort.
So, learn about yourself and next time make them understand you and your likes and needs before they misinterpret you.
4. Accept the old disappointments as lessons
Often, we demotivate ourselves with the replay of past romantic disappointments. You might feel insecure about regular things after a breakup.
“He left me for a skinnier girl, I guess I’m ugly” or “She’s now with a rich dude, nobody wants an average man like me”.
Don’t assume things or put yourself down like this. Instead, focus on the lessons… What didn’t work out? Why was it? Should you learn to be more liberal?
5. Understand that your happiness is your responsibility
Many people believe that their relationship or only their partner’s love and attention can make them happy in the entire world.
Isn’t that a lot of responsibility and power in one person’s hand? That means they can also hurt you easily.
Take charge of your happiness independently. For instance, if watching a movie will make you happy, ask your partner. But if they can’t, watch it alone. Someone’s presence or absence mustn’t dampen your thrill.
6. Figure out your expectations in romance
Nowadays, relationships are far more varied than you believe. Some people believe in loving more than one person at the same time, some believe in platonic love more than romantic love… the list is endless.
So, first, define what kind of relationship you want. Do you want a loving relationship and share everything? Or, do you prefer more time and space?
You’ll find true love easily if you know about all the relationship dynamics.
7. Set goals and chase them
Just like how you want the best person as your partner, so your potential partner will also want the same. So, try to become your best version and grab their attention with your gorgeous self.
Plan for your future instead of brooding about not having a lover. Set achievable goals and chase them with your might.
Stand out from the crowd with your talents and you’ll be more visible and desirable to potential suitors.
8. Be health conscious for added optimism
Will you fall in love with an optimistic and bright person or a gloomy and depressed person?
What a silly question! Right?
Everyone wants to have a happier person… so, try to be the same. Follow a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise, indulge in self-love, and take time to cherish yourself in all possible ways.
A healthy body will naturally make you more positive, cheerful, and confident and attract the right suitors towards you.
9. Introspect yourself before you begin the journey
Before you step out to seek a partner, ask yourself a few questions:
Am I over my ex? Can I meet the expectations and standards I want a partner to meet? Am I ready to have uncomfortable conversations to help a relationship?
What will I do when something doesn’t go my way? Will I be happy if I stay single forever?
Make sure you begin on a fresh page, have realistic expectations, are communicative and understanding, and don’t need but want a relationship.
10. Enroll in clubs of your choice
Join clubs or groups of your liking to meet people with similar interests. You’ll have more in common with them and amp up your chances of finding true love. Shared interests and experience will also work as a good conversation starter.
Do what you like the best even if many people don’t do the same. Never force yourself to pick up a hobby just to find love… that’s shallow and you won’t feel satisfied or find the right person.
11. Meet people online
Increase your scope of a loving relationship with technology. So, how to find true love online?
Build an impeccable dating profile with real facts about yourself and your requirements for your date.
If you want, sign up for multiple online dating apps. However, don’t ignore the regular social media platform. Join online clubs to find people with similar interests.
Chat with people without any expectations and build rapport with them. A good online presence will also attract potential suitors’ attention.
12. But don’t forget about the surroundings
Many people get addicted to swiping left and right and chatting through apps, they forget that they might also find potential dates around them. Online dating is cool but so is offline.
Don’t immerse yourself excessively in dating apps just because they’re in trend. The old-fashioned way of finding love is always valid… in fact, it’s much safer to search for a soulmate that way.
Try to enjoy the best of both worlds because being a little greedy won’t hurt.
13. Never hurry the process
Just as you need time to build a loving relationship, you need even more time, effort, and patience to find real love.
You might match with someone on an online date overnight or even land a second date with them, but never assume that your quest is over.
Unless your date gives you a clear green signal that they’re in love, don’t get ahead of yourself. If you haste the process, you’ll only hurt yourself.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but if you’re religious, never be ashamed to express your desires to your God. Let them know of your wish and pray for them to grant it.
God will bless you with wisdom and insight to find a genuine partner for yourself. Indulge in some time doing religious activities.
This will make you calm enough to identify the wrong partner and avoid them. Partake in kind religious acts to meet other bachelors of the same faith.
15. Work on your assets
What factor makes you attracted to a person initially? It’s always something superficial like physique, appearance, dressing sense, and personality. You don’t fall in love with these traits, but you grab others’ attention easily.
To make yourself presentable, pump the right muscles, take care of your skin, straighten your posture, invest in the right outfits for different purposes, learn to speak confidently, make eye contact with your conversation partner, practice friendly body language, and be confident with what you have.
16. Set standards for true love
Before knowing how to find true love in life, focus on what kind of person you desire. If you already experienced love before, you might NOT want quite a few traits in your partner.
Write down your deal breakers in a journal and rate them into two categories: Negotiable and non-negotiable. Repeat the same for desirable traits.
The reason? Nobody is perfect in this world… we’re all a mixture of good and bad. So, seek a person with clarity about your must-haves and negotiable traits.
17. Socialize more often
You might like to hang out with your best friends, but do you join family gatherings with equal enthusiasm? Do you hop into group projects willingly? Do you try to contribute your best to community functions?
Step out of your comfort zone and widen your horizon. Meet all kinds of people, interact with them, stay connected… it’ll eventually raise your chances of finding love.
Spend time in animal shelters and soup kitchens to find kindhearted people. Even if you don’t find someone directly, you might get introduced to a suitable partner. So, also be open to blind dates.
18. But never force yourself into wrong company
Socializing is important but if you get bad vibes, walk away. If your values and morals clash with others around you, you might only build hostile connections.
Further, any potential suitor in that circle or related to them will be similar. You won’t match well with them, so don’t concern yourself wasting time somewhere you don’t fit.
For instance, if you don’t want a rowdy partner, ignore circles with rowdy people.
19. Get over the dramatic romance
“Romance” in K-dramas and Disney stories are far from reality. Even if you get bullied, a charming prince won’t hop in to protect you.
If you lose your Christian Louboutin heels, no man will seek you with them. If you wait in a marshy swamp to be kissed by a girl, it won’t happen.
Your partner might not propose to you with 99 roses at a parade. Have humble expectations and your quest will be smooth.
20. Avoid being superficial
Physical appearance will attract you to others, but never judge a person for that. If someone looks less attractive and seeks you, try to know them instead of refusing them for looks.
Attractive features don’t promise you a loving partner. Give them a chance and see if you can bond emotionally and have common interests. Interact without any inhibitions and accept them openly.
Treat them like a friend and you’ll easily notice their deeper attractive traits.
21. Seek people with similar values
Never choose a person with different values and priorities. This factor in a relationship plays a major role. Otherwise, you’ll have frequent conflicts over your choices.
Suppose, you believe savings is important for future security but your partner wants instant gratification with limitless expenses. This will be a huge issue and might lead to a bitter breakup.
So, having similar beliefs is a necessity for a loving and successful relationship.
22. Make sure you look for complementing personalities
When it comes to personality, clashing ones will attract major fights. Contrarily, similar or mirroring personalities might help you avoid conflicts, but it won’t support your growth. You’ll have a peaceful time, not an interesting one.
So, seek someone with a complementary personality. Suppose you’re a planner but aren’t confident about actualizing your plans.
Someone with a determined personality can motivate you to turn your dreams into reality.
23. Never compromise with respect
If a person disrespects a service provider, looks down on the poor, treats their subordinates rudely, ignores children because they’re older, or only pretends to be respectful towards elders, never consider a relationship with them.
When a person can’t be sensitive and kind to others, how do you expect them to treat you any better? If you make any mistakes or don’t fulfill their expectations, they’ll treat you similarly.
Save yourself from such pathetic experiences and continue your search.
24. Always take second opinion
Your family and friends want the best for you. So, unless they behave unreasonably (like forcing you to marry only whom they chose or approve of), have faith in their words.
You might be emotionally invested in one person and overlook minor red flags. Since your loved ones don’t have any feelings for your partner, they notice the truth easily.
They also understand your needs better than you, so consider their suggestions about your potential partner.
25. Hang out with “the one” on your mind
If you already have someone on your mind, spend time with them and their loved ones. Hang out with their friends to understand their personality… remember that birds of a feather flock together. Reconsider this pursuit if you notice any toxicity among their friends.
If possible, invite them including their family over on special occasions. Notice how they behave with their family to understand their real personality better. If they treat their family coldly, something is off.
26. Be more rational than emotional
When you fall in love, you never think with your mind. All of your actions and decisions are driven by your emotions. However, a relationship depends on rational and logical decisions. You can’t lead an everyday life on whims.
Similarly, when you look for a partner, calm yourself before any important decision… whether it’s about starting a relationship or kissing them.
Carefully judge whether the idea of being in a relationship feels good or you truly feel loved and cherished.
27. Never try to change yourself
Some people might tell you “You’ll get more dates if you get a makeover”. However, don’t get swayed by such words and think about whether you really want to change yourself.
If you have bad habits or an unhealthy body, try to improve yourself… nothing’s wrong with that. However, if it’s just the color of your hair or the shape of your eyebrows… don’t try to “fix” these just because someone said so.
If you want a traditional relationship, don’t let others manipulate your choices.
28. Open up!
When someone strikes up a conversation with you, don’t turn them away unless they’re disrespectful or you have pressing matters waiting. If you also have an approachable demeanor and behave friendly with everyone, more people will approach you.
This will help you meet other friendly and sociable people. You’ll attract more outgoing people than reserved and cold ones.
However, it’s hard if you’re an introvert, so take your time to adjust with baby steps.
29. Remember that love hardly seeks you
Some people believe “love will find its way to you” or “love happens when you don’t try”… it probably worked for them but there’s no assurance it’s the same for you.
So, don’t follow such unwarranted methods. In this world, will you get a job without appearing in interviews? The saying actually means that you mustn’t be too desperate to find love.
Put more effort and you’ll find your dream relationship much faster.
30. Avoid the instant sexual attraction
If you feel sexually attracted to someone, nothing’s wrong with that… but it is wrong to confuse love with sexual feelings. Particularly, if you want to bed only your true love, then don’t jump into bed too soon.
Even if you feel an undeniable attraction towards them, don’t assume that’s love. They might seek a casual relationship and leave you disappointed for later.
Understand a person’s intentions before any major decision and save yourself from potential heartbreak.
31. Give the “opposites attract” a rest
How many romcoms showed you a rowdy man and a shy and submissive woman made a great pair? Honestly, I’m ashamed to say that the majority of my teenage watchlist contained those!
At some point, I even thought that opposite personalities and beliefs make an exciting couple. But guess what? Tested and FAILED!
It only attracts more trouble and fights. You need to compromise at every step of your life and the relationship feels like a monotonous chore, so steer clear.
32. Never give up… even if people think you’re crazy
Unfortunately, you’ll still face many disappointments and commit mistakes on this path. Never harbor negative questions like “Will I ever find true love?” Have faith in yourself… believe that you deserve a happy relationship and you’ll soon get it.
Probably, they’re busy building their life right now. So, continue going on many dates and enjoy the ride. Try casually dating more than three people at once.
33. Learn the difference between playing around and being serious
In the last step, I mentioned casual dating. Everyone has a different idea about casual dates and fun. It might be coffee and matinee dates for some. Others might like the idea of casual sex in the equation.
Some even believe that having sex is the same as a serious relationship. When you begin dating, let your dates know your definition of casual dating. Tell them you still need time to decide. Don’t lead someone on or get led on in this journey.
34. Never chase unavailable people
If you want your partner to be emotionally invested in the relationship, don’t seek an emotionally unavailable person. If you want to lead a healthy sex life, don’t pick an asexual person.
Further, if that person already has a partner, don’t pester them.
You might be infatuated or seriously in love, but that won’t make anyone change their life choices or feelings. Stay away from people that can’t fulfill your expectations.
35. Take a break from sad heartbroken people and pages
You get most influenced by your friends and the content you consume. If you know a person or online pages that share negative thoughts about relationships or breakup quotes… stay away from them.
The quotes and phrases they upload online are pretty emotional… but it also makes you believe that you can’t start over after one failed relationship.
Hang out with positive thinkers and subscribe to motivational romance pages and you’ll feel inspired to rummage a bit more.
36. Avoid smothering your love interest
If you have someone on your mind or if you’re dating and developed feelings for them, stay within your limits.
Don’t force them to date only you. At most, confess your feelings but don’t expect them to respond immediately.
They’ll only push you away if you forcibly get close to them. If you can’t stand them dating someone after confessing, don’t date them. If they don’t try to bring you back into their life, they aren’t the one.
37. Investigate their background
Before any major decision like moving in, sharing finances, or investing in joint assets, find out everything about them. Look them up on social media platforms and even professional sites like LinkedIn.
Especially, if you find love online, double-check their identity. Nowadays, there are too many scammers and opportunists out there. Be safe and don’t let anyone take advantage of your emotions.
One disappointing experience might break your trust in love for good… and you don’t deserve that.
38. Don’t confuse physical compatibility with love
Ever heard someone saying, “our hands fit so well together” or “your shoulder level is perfect to rest my head”? Sounds so romantic… and it is in fact sweet if you have an already established relationship.
However, if you’re dating someone and you feel this or your date says this, that shows you or they misinterpreted physical compatibility for love.
Such confusion might distract you from the actual goal. You might choose someone unsuitable for yourself and delay your journey to true love.
Don’t mistake physical or sexual compatibility for love.
39. Look out even in the no-so-obvious places
Many lovers met in the grocery store or while traveling daily on a public commute. So, if a stranger asks for your contact to ask you on a date later or just wants to be friends, don’t get startled.
It might creep you out for a moment but look at the brighter side. You might get a good text buddy or the love of your life.
If they act weirdly, you can always block them. Just make sure you don’t give away your address or send them selfies too fast.
40. Seek friendship in your romance
In your relationship, prioritize being friends with your partner. If your potential date isn’t ready to treat you like a friend, they can’t accept you wholeheartedly in their life. They want to keep certain distances from you… and in true love, distance can be a huge issue.
Go for someone that will pamper you when you throw tantrums or goof along foolishly. If they always want you to behave maturely, you can’t be truly happy in such a relationship.
However, if you want to know how true love looks, get a quick glance here…
Things you need to know about True Love
People have different assumptions about true love because, yet once again, the media taught us everything wrong.
But you can’t afford to ruin your life over a baseless flick… or at least, I won’t let you do that. So, let’s clear any confusion and wrong notion about true love here….
1. True love isn’t your identity
Don’t seek love to find your true purpose in life. Your partner can’t define your responsibilities or tastes.
Many cultures teach women that their life purpose is to care for their husbands, feed and raise children, and manage the household.
That’s utter rubbish because you are an individual and you have the right to choose for yourself.
You’re allowed to have your unique choices, hobbies, interests, and perspectives. In fact, such differences help you spice up the relationship.
2. True love begins with self-love
Before you love anyone else, love yourself. Remember that if you don’t allow yourself enough love, how will you ever love yourself?
Imagine yourself as a water trough and water is love. You pour out water for other troughs but don’t add any to yourself. At some point, you’ll have nothing to share. You’ll become a bitter soul.
So, learn to love yourself equally. Indulge in soothing activities and spend alone time to rejuvenate.
3. True love hardly expects you to change
If you find your Mr/Ms. Right, they won’t ever criticize your qualities… unless you have any bad addiction or issue. If they fall in love with you for some qualities, they won’t complain about those.
Further, you also mustn’t demand your partner to change. If you fell in love because you liked certain traits in one another, don’t change your feelings about them.
If there’s an issue, communicate with one another, but don’t ask them to change out of the blue.
4. Instead, you can be yourself without inhibitions
Though it’s not easy initially, you show your vulnerabilities and messy side eventually. True love never judges you for waking up without glowing skin. Rather, it accepts every part of you equally.
In a relationship with true love, you’ll find the courage to be yourself. You don’t feel insecure about your groggy voice in the morning. You call your partner beautiful even when they’re sick.
You can imitate your favorite cartoon character or talk in a baby voice without being judged.
5. It’s not true love if you’re doubtful
Even after being in a relationship, if you still wonder whether you have a future or if they really love you… that’s probably because your partner didn’t assure you properly or convey their feelings.
In true love, you feel secure and even when doubts arise, you fix the issues instantly. You openly communicate about your worries instead of suppressing them inside.
You feel confident in true love and know that everything will eventually work out for the best.
6. True love is unconditional
When you find true love, you don’t wait for your partner to do a good deed before showering them with love. You say “I love you” whenever possible, you sneak in with kisses almost always, and you do one another favors even before asking.
If either of you holds back love and affection when the other does something wrong, that’s anything but true love. Love can never be a bargaining chip… the moment you turn it into one, it’s not love anymore.
7. Friendship is one of the pillars of true love
Many arranged couples don’t start off as friends. You might debate that they can easily sustain a relationship, so friendship isn’t really an important part.
However, these couples take time to understand one another as spouses. They develop their friendship after they get married.
You may not become best friends with your partner instantly. But friendship helps you feel comfortable and safe to express yourself easily to one another. You truly enjoy your time together when you grow as close as friends.
8. It’s not true love if it doesn’t last
If true love exists in your relationship, you or your partner won’t give up because of small issues. You’ll both try hard to make it work till the end.
However, remember your past experiences… How easily did you give up on them? How frequently did they lose their mind? Did they even wait for you to explain yourself? Did you not judge them even when they told you the truth?
When true love prevails, no setback is unbeatable. You have your goals in mind and you carve the path carefully.
9. Commitment is another foundation of true love
Commitment is when you stay true to your partner and want to spend your entire life with them from the bottom of your heart. You won’t want to be with anyone else other than them.
You can be so dedicated only when you truly love someone. However, if your partner looks twice at a stranger’s beauty, don’t misunderstand them.
Human beings by nature feel attracted to gorgeous entities. It doesn’t mean your partner’s feelings for you are shallow or that they want to be with someone else.
10. If love makes you dislike yourself, that’s anything but true love
If your partner makes you feel bad about yourself or you want to change parts of you that were fine before you met them, that can’t be real love.
Such a person is clearly toxic. They thrive on making you feel less and believing they’re better than you.
If someone convinces you that you’re bad, but neither gives you a feasible reason nor shows you the way to improve yourself, they’re not the one.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Your quest to find true love will have both bitter and sweet experiences. However, never give up because this will be the time of your life. You’ll learn many lessons and even know more about yourself.
It might take a long time to reach the destination, but giving up isn’t an option. So, until then, love yourself and believe that you’ll find true happiness someday.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...