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30 Heartwrenching Signs Of A Failing Marriage

30 Heartwrenching Signs Of A Failing Marriage

Updated on Aug 29, 2023

Reviewed by Katina Tarver, MA (Mental Health and Wellness Counseling) , Life & Relationship Coach

30 Heartwrenching Signs Of A Failing Marriage

If you suspect your marriage won’t last long, you can dig out the truth from signs of a failing marriage.

Everyone hopes to make their marriage last a lifetime and create a happy family. But unfortunately, things don’t always work out… whether because you grew apart or never had anything in common.

So, stop guessing and keep reading to find the truth…

30 Signs of a Failing Marriage 

No matter how much you love your spouse, something or the other always leads to a fight. However, that doesn’t imply that your marital bliss is over.

But if your instincts say there’s hardly any hope, you shouldn’t ignore that. So, check for these signs; hopefully, your suspicions will be proved wrong!

1. You disregarded a deal-breaker in the early days of dating

Some people believe that love beats all flaws, imperfections, and differences. But that’s simply not possible. 

So, a sign of a failing marriage is when you refuse to acknowledge a deal-breaker in the early days of dating. 

For example, the two of you might have clashing values. Or, you have incompatible plans for the future. 

2. You can’t confidently make major decisions in marriage

In marriage, the big decisions always have an air of uncertainty and indecisiveness… whether it’s about buying a house or moving to another city with them.

But if this happens repeatedly, your inner voice might stop you from further investing in the relationship. 

Your subconscious mind clearly knows you’re in a failing marriage and warns you against major steps.

3. You feel like you are being controlled

Both spouses must have an equal say in the decisions in a marriage. But, if you think you are being controlled or your spouse always wants the last word, your marriage is in trouble. 

Furthermore, remember that controlling behavior is a form of abuse. 

4. Your marriage stresses you out

Notice if you feel uneasy when you interact with your spouse. Or, maybe you feel that you have to keep your guard up in front of them.

If yes, your marriage is definitely heading for the rocks. Healthy couples look forward to seeing their spouses and not dread meeting them. 

5. You ignore your gut

Your gut will never lie to you, even if you are lying to yourself. So, if your intuition says that your marriage will never work out, chances are that it won’t. 

Your intuition considers more factors about your bond than your conscious mind can comprehend. So, this is a pretty strong sign!

6. You feel lonely

It is quite normal to feel lonely once in a while, even when your spouse loves you to death. During those times, your spouse usually supports you. 

But it is definitely not working out if you continuously feel lonely in your marriage. It is obvious that your needs for emotional support and intimacy are not being met.

7. Either one of you is cheating

Very few marriages out there can actually survive infidelity. So, another sign that your marriage will fail is when either of you cheat on the other. 

You might also be emotionally involved with someone, even if you are not sleeping with them. Either way, the chances of you saving your marriage are minimal.

8. You have huge disagreements about parenting styles

Before you assume anything, not a couple out there doesn’t have parenting disagreements – whether it’s schooling or disciplining.

But, if you and your spouse don’t agree on the major points when raising your child, these disagreements can lead to a separation. 

9. Your spouse regularly gives divorce ultimatums 

You cannot possibly live with a spouse who threatens you with divorce at every point. You might be able to let it go for the first few times, but soon you will get tired of living with the anxiety of them leaving you. 

So, if this happens, separation will be your only choice at some point.

10. They don’t celebrate special days or even forget 

For some, forgetting birthdays and anniversaries may not sound like a big deal. But people always try to remember the special days of loved ones. Even if they have a bad memory, they can set reminders.

So, if your spouse often forgets these special dates or does not try to celebrate even if he remembers, that’s a red flag!

They don’t care about you anymore, and your marriage is probably going to fail.

11. Your spouse refuses to get a job

If you both agreed that one of you will stay home, that’s a different case. Otherwise, it cannot be one person’s job to take care of all the finances. 

If you don’t work hard to pay the bills, an obscene amount of responsibility will fall on one person. In this case, your marriage will inevitably lead to a separation.

12. Your loved ones often spot problems in your relationship

You may choose to remain blind to the problems of your relationship either out of fear or convenience, but your friends won’t. 

So, if the people close to you raise issues regarding the quality of your relationship, you really need to listen to them. They won’t bring it up unless something is genuinely wrong. And if it’s something serious, it might even lead to the destruction of your marriage.

13. Your spouse does not respect your privacy

This is a big red flag. Privacy is one of our basic human rights. So, no matter how close two people are, they should always respect each other’s privacy. 

If your spouse checks your texts behind your back or insists that you give them all your passwords, you really need to realize that your marriage is not working out.

14. An uneven division of household chores

It is not an equal marriage if you do all the housework and the other just sits around. Not only is it unfair, but it also puts a lot of strain on one person. This can inevitably lead to a lot of resentment. 

This may not sound like a good reason to get a divorce, but the resentment can soon fester into something worse. 

15. You refuse to go to counseling

A lot of marriages work well without counseling. But if you refuse to go to counseling even when your marriage desperately needs it, it is definitely going to fail. 

Remember that there is nothing shameful about getting help, even when it comes to your marriage. 

16. You criticize each other a lot

spouses empower each other the most. But if all you do in your relationship is nitpick each other’s flaws, it can lead to a lot of resentment. 

A little bit of constructive criticism is helpful, even necessary. But if all you do is find faults in each other, your marriage is probably doomed. 

17. You don’t spend time together

In today’s busy world, couples often find it hard to make time for each other. Furthermore, everyone needs some alone time to unwind. 

But, if you would rather spend all your time alone than with your spouse, your marriage is doomed. 

18. You never fight

A little bit of fighting is actually a sign of a healthy relationship. Because without a fight, there can be no resolution. 

If problems are left unsolved or pushed under the carpet, you will start resenting each other. So, if you don’t fight, there is a high chance that your marriage will fail.

19. You don’t have sex

Sex is not just about climax or the big O. It’s about physical and emotional intimacy, how comfortable you feel with your spouse, and the desire you feel for them. 

So, a lack of sex is actually the symptom of a bigger issue, like a lack of love. And this can lead to a miserable end to your marriage. 

20. You can’t have uncomfortable conversations

Every relationship has its fair share of challenges. And to overcome those challenges, you need to have certain difficult conversations. 

It does not matter if it is about money, sex, or children. If you cut conversations short every time the topic gets a little touchy, you don’t trust each other – another glaring sign!

21. Your marriage is filled with secrets

You must be able to confide in your spouse without the slightest hesitation and be transparent to each other. But of course, you both can also have secrets. 

The problem actually starts when the secrets start piling up, and every lie leads to another lie. You can’t fix things easily in your marriage when all you have told your spouse is lies. 

22. You keep on having the same arguments

Another sign that your relationship is failing is when you have the same arguments. 

In this case, the problem is not the arguments but a lack of understanding, empathy, and communication. It shows that you haven’t resolved that issue and are still stuck in the past!

You cannot possibly save a marriage if you can’t overcome old issues.

23. You don’t trust each other

Think about whether you always suspect that your spouse is lying to you. Or, you often feel the impulse to check their phone to make sure they’re loyal. 

If this rings a bell, you have major trust issues. And a marriage cannot survive without trust. 

24. You hold a lot of grudges

One of the biggest signs of a failing marriage is when you and your spouse hold a lot of grudges against each other. 

It is normal to be mad at your spouse sometimes. But holding grudges isn’t the same as being mad. 

Grudges can not only result in long-standing anger, resentment, and bitterness, it can also make you feel that your marriage is purposeless. 

25. You sleep in separate bedrooms

Another warning sign of your failing marriage is when you and your spouse sleep in separate bedrooms. 

If you have such an arrangement, your relationship has a serious lack of physical touch, or you cannot bear each other’s presence.

26. You fantasize about divorcing each other

The thought of divorcing your spouse won’t come to your mind unless serious issues exist. 

You are obviously unhappy in your marriage, and you can’t wait to be free again. There is probably not much time left before you actually get a divorce.

27. There is substance abuse

Addictions can ruin not only your health but also your marriage. After all, it is hard to trust or depend on an addicted person. 

Moreover, living with an addict invariably takes a toll on a person’s mental, emotional as well as physical well-being. So, if either of you is addicted, prepare for a rocky end.

28. Financial issues are bogging you down

Love alone can’t save a marriage; you need money to survive. Money issues can often destroy relationships. Otherwise, sustaining a relationship is hard when living from paycheck to paycheck. 

Things can take an even worse turn if one spouse intentionally hides their finances or has a gambling problem.

29. You no longer get jealous

No matter how it sounds, a little jealousy is a sign of healthy love. So, if you and your spouse no longer get jealous, even when there is a third person in the picture, another alarming sign!

You have become indifferent about the marriage, and it’s all headed south!

30. There is abuse

Abuse of any kind is the biggest sign that your marriage is over, or that it should be! It can damage your mental and physical health in unimaginable ways. 

So if your spouse hits you, emotionally abuses you, or manipulates you, you really need to end things with them.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

In the end, if you find that your marriage is truly crumbling, don’t lose hope. Remember, you still have time to fix your issues.

Communicate with your partner and know what you both want. If you have the willpower and put in the right effort, things will improve eventually.

But if you both are fed up with your marriage, choose what works best for your peace and happiness. Whatever happens, don’t blame yourself… and if you made any major mistake, try to become a better human being!