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A Detailed Guide on How to Choose Between Two Guys

A Detailed Guide on How to Choose Between Two Guys

Updated on Sep 06, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

A Detailed Guide on How to Choose Between Two Guys

So, you’re looking for the answer to how to choose between two guys. Then, I’m sure you must have at least thought this once to yourself “It’s so unfair I don’t get to keep both!”

Well, if you’re all into ethical non-monogamy, then it may be possible… but I guess if that were the case, you won’t be on this quest.

So, I’m glad to say your quest is over because my think-piece has everything to crack this mystery.

C’mon, let’s find your Mr. Right together here…

Tips on How to Choose Between Two Guys

How to choose between two guys? – 30 Tips

Even though now, you enjoy a great time with both the guys, you’ll eventually desire a serious relationship further. You’ll want to label your relationship and even settle down.

So, let’s not delay this important step in your life. To proceed carefully and find the one, keep these in mind…

1. Never spill the beans too early

Until either of the guys tells you they like you or they want a relationship similar to your desires, never tell them about this love triangle. To sincerely choose between two guys, take your time with both of them.

Possibly, they both have other options and give you and another girl equal chances. So, don’t feel guilty about spending time with two men.

2. Take more space

The guys might wanna know your whereabouts and stick to you as much as possible. Though it’s a sweet gesture, don’t always answer them.

To decide between two guys properly, you need time and space away from them. Otherwise, if one of them monopolizes you 24/7, you won’t make a fair decision.

So, if one or both of them try to occupy all of your available time, it’s okay to refuse.

3. Keep it down online

You enjoyed a fabulous vacation with one of the guys and clicked cute pictures together. This guy posted all the pictures online, tagged you, and then the other guy finds out he isn’t the only one.

Things will obviously get messy at this point. So, don’t proactively post about dates and set a filter on your social media so that only approved posts appear on your wall.

4. Maintain a safe distance from lies

Say, you spent last weekend with one guy and the other one asks about how you spent it. You can lie… but you’ll feel bad and get confused by your made-up stories in the long run.

Instead, say that you were out with friends and even mention the place if it was a casual ambiance. If it was a romantic setting like candlelight dinner, skip!

5. Don’t mention anything about the “other” guy

For instance, you went on a mini-golfing date with one guy and by slip of tongue you mentioned: “Oh I remember the last time I came here… it was fun!”

Even if you don’t mention it was with another date, he’ll get suspicious and keep asking for more details. It’ll ruin your date and he’ll lose trust in you, so avoid it.

6. Take your time to know them better

To avoid going for the wrong choice, you must know them well. Understand both guys’ personalities, interests, likes, dislikes, favorites, and even pet peeves.

It’s not easy to choose a suitable guy… especially if you don’t know enough about them, you can’t make fair decisions for yourself or the guys. So, investigate them through social media and their friends.

7. Know where their lives are going

Have a heart-to-heart with both guys about their future plans. While you figure out how to choose, understand whose life plans align with you the most.

If you plan to stay in your current city, know if either of them plans to move to another city. If you want to settle down by a particular age, ask what they want.

8. Never turn a blind eye to deal breakers

Figure out if you have any deal breakers… if you think you have none, take your time to figure out from online articles… because honestly, everyone has a handful.

Jot them down in a journal and compare who shows no major deal breakers. Ask them about their deal breakers too… if you match with any of theirs, come clean.

9. Steer clear from all red flags

Though deal breakers are negotiable with open communication and adjustment, red flags are the devil to healthy relationships. So, pay attention to check for all the relationship red flags.

Take your sweet time because it can be super hard to detect them. For instance, does he refuse to introduce you to his social circle? Do either of them only have home dates? Cut ties with the one who shows maximum red flags.

10. Devote the entire weekend to only one guy

Never spend your precious weekends with two guys on two different days. If you spend longer time with each guy, you’ll get a glimpse of how you guys match in long-term settings.

It’s easy to feel chemistry with both if you spend only 3-4 hours each. But if it’s more than a day, you’ll know the person’s actual personality.

11. Consider your feelings

In love triangles, people believe both potential dates are equally good… but it’s never that. You might deny it, but it’s probably pure strong feelings for one guy and good sexual chemistry with the other.

Your emotions and hormones are the roots of this confusion, so think carefully about who you feel closer to between the two because relationships aren’t just about sex.

12. Stay away from the body comparison

Physical attraction plays a great role in bringing you closer to someone. However, it’s never a good parameter to judge a good partner.

After all, at some point, nobody will be as hot, handsome, or gorgeous… will you fall out of love and seek someone more handsome then?

So, even if one of these guys has a better appearance, don’t include that in the score.

13. Think about a life without them

At the end of your quest, you’ll give up on one of the guys… you have to unless you plan to give up on monogamy.

Imagine a life where you leave either of them. Do you think you can easily forget one of the two? If you won’t mind life without one of them, the other guy is your answer.

14. Avoid seeking external help

Never involve your friends or family in this situation… despite how trustworthy they are. Nobody understands your feelings better than you, so they can’t accurately figure out the perfect man for you.

They can only judge based on the actions and behaviors you’ll discuss… they won’t know how the guys make you feel. So, keep the important decision to yourself.

15. Compare in a journal

You might feel super confused about the guys’ qualities and traits and sometimes even wonder “Can’t I have them both?”

To avoid this, list down each of their good and bad traits, how they make you feel, and the pros and cons of being with each. A visual list will clarify the mist in your mind and find a better match.

16. Try to find out patterns

You mustn’t judge someone based on their past, but it highlights many concerning factors. So, talk to them about their past relationships… who broke off, the reasons, what they feel about their ex, and the breakup.

Their emotions and answers will introduce you to their real personality. And if there was any major issue, it might follow suit in your relationship too.

17. Tie your heart where you can be more candid

Nobody can make you feel comfortable right from the beginning… Even if it’s a match made in heaven, people can’t be themselves out of fear of being judged and rejected.

So, focus on the man you can be more at ease and show your true self easily. Chances are this guy will accept you better than the other one.

18. Keep the sexual attraction off the table

If both guys have your heart crazily beating, figure out how they do it.

For instance, does one of them use sexual advances more? Does he generally use physical contact to send electric sparks down your spine? Whereas the other guy’s sweet and gentlemanly gestures make your heart sink?

The guy without the sexual advances is a preferable choice as he plays fair.

19. Stick to the optimistic guy

You’ll face many troubles in life, so you need someone that’ll motivate you during the darkest hours. If someone scares you about the possible negative outcomes, you’ll be an anxious wreck.

Notice how each guy reacts in tough situations. Pick the one that makes you a bit better than the other during testing phases… if both of them have comparable perceptions of life.

20. Think about their feelings

If both men like you equally, think about their intentions and reasons. Don’t choose someone that wants you because you’re a safe bet.

Think how each guy will feel if you were to leave them. Choose the one that’ll be more affected or hurt if you leave.

If someone will easily move on without you, never pick them because they might treat you like an option in future

21. Notice how each guy looks at you

A man’s gaze can say a million stories. When he looks at you, if it’s mostly because he wants to kiss you or get physical, he’s not the one. Notice which guy looks at you endearingly even if it’s from afar.

This will be hard if both of them have an endearing soft gaze. Then consider how each of their gazes makes you feel.

22. Reflect on what you want

Whether you want a long-lasting romantic relationship or a short-term filing also matters. Unless you want something deep and meaningful, don’t stress too much. In that case, look for qualities that will suffice for short-term dating.

But if you want a serious committed relationship, take more time to figure out the correct choice. You can’t be too easy-going if you want true love.

23. Seek help when you’re too confused

Yeah, I mentioned the choice is yours… but when the two guys are equally good and you’re confused about whether you compare with the right parameters or not, it doesn’t hurt to ask for your friends’ opinions.

Make sure, this friend’s and your choices are similar. If your friend judges them for a casual fling, but you want a serious relationship, it’ll backfire.

24. Or, seek a relationship coach

If you feel your friends’ choices in relationships differ from yours, they judge you for dating two guys, they aren’t a good judge of character, or they might not be able to keep your secrets about dating two men, go for the safer and confidential choice.

A relationship coach can help you find your way out of the dilemma much better.

25. Figure out the possible aftermath

Suppose, you break it off with either of them, think about whether that guy will try to take revenge because you dated two guys at once.

If any of the guys you’re dating are potential hazards, you can’t choose them whatsoever… even if you feel scared that they might hurt you.

A relationship with him will only end up abusive, so pick the other guy.

26. Know if they’re friends

If you’re dating two friends or they’re connected, think carefully about their situation after you choose one of them. If they’re best friends and your choice might break their friendship for good, either of them is a bad choice.

You’ll feel guilty about coming between two good friends and you’ll never truly enjoy the relationship. If something goes wrong, they might even blame you for breaking them apart.

27. Timing is important

Make sure you take enough time to consider both guys fairly and allow them equal fair chances. However, human beings are greedy by nature… we never want to leave good deals.

But, out of greed, don’t delay the decision for too long. That’s lowkey evil to play with two hearts and make them feel they both have a chance while you enjoy all the love and pampering.

28. Follow your instincts

Sometimes, too much thinking might only lead to more confusion. Instead of overthinking, follow your gut instincts.

Shake a dice; decide that any even number means you’ll pick guy 1 and any odds is a relationship with guy 2. When you throw, close your eyes and find what you really hope… that’s your answer.

Your guts and heart already know what it wants… you just need to force it out.

29. Know when to decide

If the entire ordeal of dating two guys at the same time stresses you, you feel smothered by their intense strides, or you can’t keep up with both guys at all… pull away and think which guy makes you feel good and secure and which guy understands you more.

If one of the two guys’ names flashes more in your mind, he’s obviously the right guy.

30. Break it off drama free

When you finally decide on one guy, get a clean break from the other guy ASAP. Tell him “We’ve had a wonderful time and you’re a good friend. But I can’t fall in love with you.”

Don’t mention anything about the other guy, so keep the real reasons hidden. He’ll be soon out of your life, so it’s okay if he doesn’t know about the other side.

These were some tips to help you make the decision but that’s not all. How would you know what you really want?

How to choose between two guys? – 30 Questions to ask yourself

You might feel that emotions or feelings are hard to understand… whether it’s yours or someone else’s. So, let me help you there. Ask yourself these questions and be brutally honest… I promise by the end of it, you will have an answer.

1. You wait the entire day to talk to whom among the two?

When you really like a man, you wait the entire day to listen to him. You want a message or even a notification from him.

When you upload a story, you wait for when he’ll check it. When you change your profile picture, you wait for his compliments.

Whoever of the two makes you wait like that is the one your heart truly desires.

2. Who makes more interesting conversations?

Text conversations with a lover are effortless. You won’t ever need to force yourself to talk with him or feel uncomfortable about it. You’ll also never run out of topics, and even if you do, you’ll easily play around.

So, think which guy never bores you over texts. You have a lot in common with him intellectually and he’ll be a better partner.

3. With whom do you not mind a silent evening?

Life isn’t all about talking and texting… sometimes you just need peace. There will be days where you don’t have any gossip and can’t strike up interesting conversations.

Real life is quite bland, so figure out with whom you can share a moment of silence comfortably. Choose the guy you can have fun with even when you do nothing.

4. Who makes you feel prettier?

Out of these two men, who makes you feel like the prettiest person in the whole world? If they’re both interested in you, they’ll try to make you feel good with compliments and flirty words.

But, think about who makes you feel that there’s nobody else like you in the entire world. The answer is your answer.

5. Where do you not have to pretend?

When you go out on fancy dates with these guys, do any of them ask you to “behave a certain way”?

If a man makes you feel your etiquette is lacking or you feel forced to change yourself for him, he’s definitely not the one. It shows he doesn’t accept you for who you truly are. So, choose the other guy instead.

6. Where do you feel secure?

For a long-lasting relationship, feeling secure and safe is important. If a man reminds you that he has other options or that you’re replaceable, he’s not the one, honey!

A man for a serious relationship must make you feel like there’s nobody else other than you… that he can’t afford to lose you. Even if he’s casually dating another girl, this shows he’s serious about you.

7. What do they do to cheer you on?

Hopefully, both men try to make you feel better during hard times… if someone makes you feel even more miserable, he’s not worth your time. Now move on to how they make you feel good.

Go for the guy who cheers you just the way you expect. Some of us want a shoulder while some want a material object to cheer us up. So, think wisely!

8. Who makes more effort?

Probably, you’re here because both guys make equally good efforts. But compare it with the right parameters.

If a millionaire takes you to fancy dinners and parties but doesn’t spend much quality time… that’s easy for him.

Whereas if a man with an average paycheck saves up to take you to your favorite restaurant and makes sure you reach home safely… he’s doing a lot. So, compare on the right grounds.

9. Who’s like a best friend to you?

Being friendly in love might remind you of the dreaded “friend zone” but the best relationships and even the strongest marriages begin with it. Friendship bonds you closer to your partner.

So, think about which guy makes you feel like he’s your bestie. Pick the man with whom you can share anything and be totally transparent.

10. Who is similar to you?

In relationships, people with opposite personalities attract you when you want thrill and challenge. But think harder, in the long run, you’ll need lots of compromises to make your relationship work.

Go for the man with lower similarities only if you’re ready to communicate and adjust throughout your life. However, if that sounds intimidating, a man more similar to you is a better choice.

11. What kind of family do they belong to?

You might believe marriage happens between two souls, but it actually integrates two families. So, if one of the guys’ families’ values and morals clashes with yours and your family’s, that’ll lead to major issues down the lane.

So, choose a man whose family is more amicable and understanding. When you’ll get introduced to their family as an official partner, they’ll welcome you warmly.

12. How is their relationship with their family?

Sometimes, judging a man based on his family becomes unfair… especially if he isn’t on agreeable terms with them. So, if his family is warm and kind and he’s still not on happy grounds with them, he may probably be at fault.  

On the other hand, a man may belong to a toxic family… and if he cut off ties for his own betterment, he is the right choice!

13. Who judged your dark past?

When you honestly share something you’re guilty or ashamed of, think about how each of them reacts. If someone always throws a fit, judges and criticizes you, or shows his disappointment in you, he’s not suitable.

Contrarily, if a guy accepts your past, comforts you about it, or at most explains the right and wrong so you deal with situations better next time… but never shows any disgust or anger, he’s the one.

14. Who helps you get better each day?

Everyone in this world is flawed in one way or the other. We must all try to become better people and make up for our shortcomings… but that’s only possible when others point out where we went wrong and how to fix that.

So, a guy that’s gently straightforward about your shortcomings and helps you grow is much better than a guy that sugar-coats his words and praises you even when you’re at fault.

15. Who can go without seeing you for weeks?

If you don’t meet the two guys for more than 3 weeks, figure out who you’ll crave more. Or, who will you reach out to first if you don’t hear from either of them for that long?

Your heart wants the man you’ll worry about or miss the most. If you don’t know the answer to this, set out on a vacation with your friends and family.

16. Who needs the least effort to feel loved?

If a man makes you go through hell and back to please him or if he always finds fault in your actions, you better know you deserve much better than him.

A man that becomes happy with your smallest efforts is always a better choice. Love is supposed to help you thrive and feel fulfilled and not burdened.

17. Who do you feel guilty towards?

You mustn’t be sorry or guilty about dating two guys at once… because that’s how modern dating works. However, does the heart listen to logic? You’re no outcast because everyone feels like they’re cheating on someone with multiple crushes.

So, the trick is to find out who you feel you’re cheating on… your heart is already committed to that guy.

18. Do you have a dating history with any of them?

If one of the two guys is an ex, your heart will ask you to ditch your new romance and return to the past… after all, he knows you for ages and he probably understands your worth now.

This is when I advise against following your heart. If your ex left you once, they’ll probably repeat the same. So, go for the new guy.

19. How do they react to your issues?

When you inform these guys that you need to postpone a date because you’re sick or that you can’t talk over the call because of your sore throat, what do they do?

All men will say “I’m just a text away, so tell me if you need anything.” But the one that rushes over to you even at 5 am to care for you is the one for you.

20. How do they react to your guy friends?

You might feel jealousy is a sign of love, but only until it doesn’t pry on your freedom. If a man gets so jealous of your male friends that he asks you to stop meeting them or block them, that’s toxic.

However, if he only ensures your security, that’s a better man!

21. How do you feel about their female friends?

When you see both of these guys’ pictures with other girls (that aren’t family, duh), how jealous do you get?

If you feel more hurt to see one guy with other girls, you like him more. If you don’t feel much concern to see one of them with other girls, your heart wants the other guy.

22. How strongly do the guys feel about you?

Do you believe both of them love you equally or does someone love you more than the other? Why do you believe so? Is it because they told you or did you just guess it?

If it was all guesswork and assumptions, try to know the reality from them. One guy might not like you at all… love someone that loves you back.

23. How do their friends treat you?

If these guys are serious about you, they’ll totally tell their friends about you and even introduce you to the homies. If a guy is serious about you, his friends will treat you special on the first meeting.

But, if he’s not that into you, he won’t mention you much and his bros will treat you like a random friend.

24. How was your sexual experience?

Sex isn’t everything in your relationship but it’s an important part… so don’t ignore it if you hit the hay with both guys. For each of the guys, answer these:

Did he try to satisfy you? Did he understand your nonverbal signs well?  Was he humble and gentle afterward?

If you answered positively about a guy, he’s a good match. But if you answered “no” for someone, you deserve better.

25. How do you feel about each guy if sex wasn’t an option?

Sometimes, good sex can haze your judgment of a good partner. So, imagine if you were to never have sex with either of them. Who will be the lesser desirable guy without sex?

If you have an answer, it seems he’s only a pro in the bedroom. The other guy will be a better life partner.

26. What do you think about their flaws?

If you think that neither of the boys have any flaws, you’re infatuated and must snap out of it ASAP.

If you feel that one guy’s flaws rub you the wrong way and you want them to change while the other guy’s flaws are bearable and you can adjust with them, pick the second guy because you’re more compatible.

Moreover, if one wants to change their partner, that relationship won’t last long.

27. How do they treat your boundaries?

A good man must always respect your boundaries. So, find out which of them is better at it.

Pick the man that understands you and doesn’t force you to do anything against your wishes directly or indirectly.

28. Who is open to emotional conversations?

Men don’t open up too fast to others… So if you recently started seeing them, it’s difficult to judge them based on this. A deeper and meaningful emotional connection is important in relationships.

However, if you know both guys for quite a while and one of them is extremely uncomfortable or reserved about emotional topics, pursue the other guy.

29. Who’s more expressive about issues?

Communication is one of the important pillars of romantic relationships. So, remember when you had misunderstandings with either of the guys, who initiated the resolution, and how?

A suitable man must always be open to communicating about problems and work on them actively. If anyone avoids communicating for issue resolution or even stonewalls you, a relationship with him is bound to doom.

30. Who can deal with responsibilities better?

In a healthy relationship, both partners must pick responsibilities equally or proportionally. So, if any of the two guys depend on their family for finance or depend on you to organize their place despite being an adult… they aren’t the brightest partner for you.

Choose the independent guy who can take care of their problems by themselves. You can’t babysit a man forever, even if you find it cute for now.

However, if you’re tight on time, take this easy quiz to find your answer faster…

How to choose between two guys quiz

If you lead a hectic life and hardly have time to read the entire think-piece… or if you’re just too lazy (I don’t judge you, kay?)… a quick test can help you understand your feelings and compatibility better.

So, label each of them guy 1 and guy 2 and hit the quiz…

1. Who do you find funnier?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

2. Who do you talk to when you’re low?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

3. Who’s more likely to violate your boundaries?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

4. Who do you want good morning texts from?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

5. If you feel bad about dating two guys simultaneously, who do you feel guilty towards?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

6. Who wouldn’t mind cancelling plans for you?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

7. Who would you go to prom with, if given a chance?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

8. Who made you doubt yourself?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

9. Whose presence do you want to hide from your friends?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

10. Who do you think that your friends and family will judge more? (despite whether they did or did not)

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

11. Who do you feel will be fine without you?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

12. Who’s more likely to ignore you when you’re in trouble?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

13. Who feels loved easily?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

14. With whom do you take longer to reconcile?

A. Guy 2

B. Guy 1

C. None

D. Both

15. Who do you want to see more than once a week?

A. Guy 1

B. Guy 2

C. Both

D. None

If you mostly answered A

Guy 1 is more suitable for you than guy 2. Deep inside, you trust and depend on him a lot more but you have yet to know.

If you mostly answered B

You’ll be happier in a relationship with guy 2 than guy 1. Choose him as you already subconsciously like him more.

If you mostly answered C’s

You’re still quite confused and it’s too early to make the right decision.

If you mostly chose D’s

You’re worth so much more, so wait for better dates!

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Picking one man out of two equally awesome people will always be hard… and love is already a strange (yet beautiful) emotion. You might even love two men together in different ways.

However, all forms of love aren’t long-lasting or healthy. So, answer the difficult questions honestly. Follow the tips to minimize any form of further complication. Eventually, you’ll find your dream man!