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Sexual Chemistry – Definition, Signs, Benefits, Dangers, How to Build it, and Everything Else

Sexual Chemistry – Definition, Signs, Benefits, Dangers, How to Build it, and Everything Else

Updated on Sep 26, 2023

Reviewed by Katina Tarver, MA (Mental Health and Wellness Counseling) , Life & Relationship Coach

Sexual Chemistry – Definition, Signs, Benefits, How to Build it, and More

If you’ve recently met someone and feel all the sparks when you’re in bed, no wonder why you’re here, reading about sexual chemistry.

The adrenaline rush, excitement, and racing heart – all of this has left you confused and you really want to know what’s cooking.

Don’t worry.

In this article, I shall tell you all about sexual chemistry, its intense signs, and so much more. So come on, let’s dig in without wasting more time!

Sexual chemistry definition

The immediate physical attraction toward someone and the urge to have sex with them is called sexual chemistry.

First off, what exactly is sexual chemistry? Is it simply physical attraction or sexual desire? Or does it have a deeper indication? Well, experts believe sexual chemistry is when you’re intensely attracted to someone’s body or looks. Your palms might start sweating, and you may experience shortness of breath.

To put things in one line – it’s the intense feeling of wanting to rip out the other person’s clothes and jump right into bed with them!

The problem is that most people mistake sexual chemistry for a deeper connection. Just because you both are great in bed doesn’t directly imply that you’re both in love. However, sometimes sexual chemistry can also lead to a meaningful relationship later.

Is sexual chemistry necessary for a relationship?

No, Sexual Chemistry is not necessary for a healthy relationship. It depends on your own desires and wants in a romantic relationship.

To give you the short answer- no, absolutely not! Sexual chemistry is great, but it doesn’t have to be a requirement for a healthy relationship.

Being physically attracted to your partner is a common aspect in many serious relationships but it’s not a norm. For many others, a healthy relationship often has nothing to do with sexual attraction or chemistry.

So, instead, what you should ask is – Is sexual chemistry necessary for you in a relationship?

In order to figure that out, you must ask yourself some of these important questions (remember, it’s completely valid if sexual chemistry plays a large role in your relationship requirements!):

1. What are your priorities in an ideal relationship?

2. How do you feel before, while, or after having sex?

3. Is your partner the only person you feel the urge to have sex with?

4. Are you willing to explore polyamory (being with multiple partners)?

5. What are your favorite ways to explore physical and sexual intimacy?

It’s also important to note that while sexual chemistry can feel great, it mostly lasts for a short time. If you wish to have a deeper bond with someone, sexual chemistry alone won’t be enough. True love requires a lot of commitment and dedication, not to mention open communication and honesty.

Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual Chemistry

Sexual arousal is when your body displays signs of sexual urges on seeing someone. While sexual chemistry is when your mind and body both have the same desire.

Believe it or not, sexual chemistry is more alchemy than actual science. Scientists believe that sexual chemistry is instantaneous, that is, it’s a rush of feelings and electric sparks flying all over. But eventually, it can be cultivated into something more beautiful.

So that feeling of drowning in someone’s arms, or your body language changing instantly when that person walks into a room – all this is sexual chemistry. But also, feeling safe and protected in your lover’s embrace is also chemistry.

So, what about sexual chemistry in the virtual world? I hate to break it to you, but having sexual chemistry on dating apps might not actually get transferred in real life.

Even if the hottie you’re talking to seems to melt your bones and make you giggle with joy, you both might experience a stiff and awkward conversation on your first date. This is because, when you’re chatting on an app, you’re only getting the feedback that the other person has chosen to give you. But when you meet them in real life, you see the whole package.

As for the difference between sexual arousal and sexual chemistry, I do have quite a lot to say. Sexual arousal can be defined as the physiological element of sexual experiences. It involves physical changes in your body, such as vaginal lubrication or an erection.

Sexual arousal is influenced by hormones like estrogen and testosterone. It can also exist completely without sexual attraction. Even if you’re not really attracted to someone, your body can display signs of sexual arousal.

But sexual chemistry is when the mind also plays a role in it. It means you want to have sex with this person… but that’s not it; you want more also.

Sexual Attraction vs Sexual Chemistry

Yes, you heard that right – sexual attraction is different from sexual chemistry. Let me tell you more with the help of these ten common differences between these two terms.

1. Sexual chemistry doesn’t exhaust you unlike sexual attraction

The biggest difference between the two is that sexual chemistry doesn’t make you feel tired or exhausted (both physically and emotionally).

In fact, intense chemistry makes you want to spend more and more time with them. You’ll end up wishing that you didn’t have other commitments so that you could stay with them for a few more hours. Sexual attraction, on the other hand, can get pretty tiring after a while.

2. Intense chemistry is more than just physical

Sexual chemistry is much more than just sexual attraction. You need an emotional and intellectual level to connect with each other because sex can only get you so far.

Even after having intense sex, how you spend your time with each other or even look at each other displays sexual chemistry.

On the other hand, sexual attraction can only be seen with the action on bed.

3. Chemistry can just be felt, attraction is seen! 😉

Often people define sexual chemistry as “it just is”. It’s something you can’t touch or point at explicitly, but you can feel it for sure.

Attraction can be seen and experienced because of course, there are visible changes on your body. But when it comes to intense chemistry, you can’t exactly describe it in words. You simply feel good and want to be with that one person forever!

4. Chemistry can make relationships easy, attraction makes sex easy

A romantic relationship is built with mutual trust and love between two people. What makes it easier is sexual chemistry. It’s being on the same page and fighting problems together as a team.

Sexual attraction can feel amazing but that simply lasts for a short while. Sexual chemistry, on the other hand, makes the hard parts of your relationship much easier to handle.

5. Sexual attraction don’t lead to long-term relationships, but chemistry may

Even if you’re physically attracted to someone, it doesn’t always mean that you both will hit it off in a long-term relationship. For example, that girl you’ve liked for a long time might seem really attractive and has probably even given you enough hints that she likes you back.

But when you both go out, you realize that you both don’t have anything in common in sexual preferences. So even if you feel sexually attracted, you might not actually have great sexual chemistry.

6. Chemistry makes you feel comfortable, but attraction doesn’t

Sexual chemistry may make your heart beat faster, but it also makes you feel comfortable and relaxed. But sexual attraction doesn’t.

Attraction only lasts for a short time and may or may not make you feel comfortable. Even though the feelings are intense, they tend to disappear as soon as you get in bed with them. 

7. Lack of chemistry can impact attraction but not vice versa

The moment you figure out that you and your crush don’t have great sexual chemistry, you’ll naturally feel less attracted to them. You won’t feel the same attraction as before, and you won’t really view them as the wonderful, sexy being that they once were in your eyes.

But this isn’t true the other way around. If you both have amazing sexual chemistry but not as much sexual attraction, you can still work things out.

8. Sexual chemistry means same wavelength but not sexual attraction

Sexual chemistry is established when you share the same wavelength as your partner. However, sexual attraction doesn’t always guarantee that since it’s mostly limited to bedroom activities.

Basically, you feel that it’s really easy to be yourself around them because you know they won’t judge you. But with sexual attraction, there’s a constant thought in your mind regarding your sexual performance or stamina.

Intense sexual chemistry signs

So, the cute guy/girl sitting across from you in your office seems to laugh out loud at your jokes even if they aren’t that funny. You catch them staring at you and start blushing right away. Does all this mean that you both have intense sexual chemistry? Let’s find out!

1. There’s a lot of eye contact

The first basic sign of intense sexual chemistry is that both of you make eye contact, and quite a bit of it!

Frequent eye contact not only makes you feel good but is also a clear indication that the other person is interested in you. And on top of that, if their eyes have a sparkle or a hint of kindness, why don’t you approach them already?

2. You are physically attracted to them

Physical attraction goes much beyond a simple pull toward your potential partner. You actually feel like moving closer to them and want them to touch you. You want them to explore every inch of your body and be as intimate as possible.

This isn’t just restricted to sex; any form of physical intimacy can indicate great sexual chemistry. And who knows, maybe the other person feels exactly the same about you!

3. You can’t keep your hands off each other

Now, this is a sure-shot sign that you and your partner have amazing sexual chemistry! You both have gone out for drinks, and before you know it, they’re touching you in your intimate areas, and you can’t help but do the same.

Or maybe they’re being more subtle, such as rubbing your back or lightly pulling your hair. If they reach for your hand and put it on their own, it clearly means he’s into you.

4. Your bodies face each other

So, you’ve noticed that whenever you both go out together, they seem to sit in a way that almost always faces you. Just like making eye contact, angling someone’s body toward you is a visible sign that they want more than just innocent kisses and hugs.

So, if they face you and lean toward you even when there’s no reason to, they’re definitely dropping some hints for you! 😉

5. You both flirt often

Flirting is cute during the beginning of a relationship, but if you see that the other person keeps flirting with you and complimenting you long after the initial dating phase has passed, it sure means good news!

Both of you casually flirting with each other, giving each other naughty compliments, or bantering casually is a strong sign of sexual chemistry.

6. You can’t stop laughing and giggling

With easy flirting comes a lot of love and laughter. So, if you feel that you’re always laughing and blushing, they’re around, it sure means something!

When the sexual chemistry is strong, the other person will often look at you, and the eye contact will reassure you that they’re really enjoying their time with you. They’ll throw their heads back and laugh hard or say things like, “God, I can’t believe you’re so funny!”.

7. Sometimes things get awkward

No, don’t take this in a negative way! Positive sexual chemistry is bound to make both of you feel awkward at times but definitely not uncomfortable.

For example, if you both reach out to grab something and your noses touch, both of you will feel electric sparks shooting up and down your body. In this situation, neither of you will know how to react. But don’t worry because these awkward moments is what makes sexual chemistry so fun!

8. Your voice changes when you talk

Believe it or not, but it has been scientifically proven that someone who is physically or sexually attracted to another person will naturally make voice modulations. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

In fact, changing the pitch or tone of your voice might make you sound even more appealing to your potential partner than you think!

9. Your common friends often tease you

Even if you and your crush have blatantly shrugged off all possibilities of having sexual chemistry, you both know that your social circles have figured things out.

If your common group of friends seem to laugh or smirk whenever you both meet or talk, it definitely means that the intense chemistry between you both is bubbling and simmering!

10. You keep having naughty thoughts and dreams

Let’s be honest, all of us have had sexy dreams about our “close friend” or crush at some point. But it is often a manifestation of your attraction for that friend in your waking life.

So, when you both have intense sexual chemistry, they’re bound to pop up in your subconscious mind while you’re sleeping.

Causes of Sexual Chemistry

Unfortunately, there isn’t much research on what causes sexual chemistry and how it actually happens. But there are three main factors that combine together and contribute to the awakening of sexual chemistry.

1. Biological factors

Physical appearance and hormones released inside your body contribute to sexual chemistry. Even pheromones or chemicals released by animals and humans to simulate others also play an important role.

Many people believe that when we meet someone attractive, our brain stimulates the release of feel-good hormones that make us feel happy and giddy around them.

2. Social factors

Next up, we have social factors that can cause sexual chemistry. We have all been taught that certain physical features are more attractive than others.

Remember the popular phrase “tall, dark, and handsome man”? So, when a woman sees someone who fits into that “societal” description, she will automatically find him attractive and be sexually attracted to him. For men also, cultural beauty standards for a woman can build sexual chemistry.

3. Developmental factors

This is slightly more difficult to understand as compared to the other two. It says that if the one you’ve just met or known reminds you of an earlier pleasurable experience, it is more likely that you’ll build sexual chemistry with them.

For example, you might suddenly be introduced to someone who looks quite a lot like your ex and reminds you of the lovely time spent with them. So, meeting this new person will spark an interest in you and you’ll feel sexually attracted to them.

Benefits of Sexual Chemistry

Great sex and sexual chemistry have several physical, psychological and emotional benefits, including reduced cholesterol, improved emotional condition and a happy & fulfilling life.

If the sexual chemistry bubbling between you both leads to sex, it can have a list of benefits. Sex isn’t just a form of exercise to keep you physically fit but it also makes you emotionally healthier.

Further, sex can lead to a lower rate of cardiac diseases, can lower your cholesterol levels, and even reduce migraine attacks. As for the emotional and psychological benefits, it helps you relieve stress and keeps you happy throughout the day. Even your sleep quality will improve drastically.

Therefore, if you both have great sex and feel the chemistry is rising, then let me tell you it’s not just the heart that’s getting benefitted! 😉

Dangers of Sexual Chemistry

People often mistake sexual attraction as sexual chemistry and tend to overlook other aspects of the relationship like emotional connection and future compatibility.

Unfortunately, with every good thing comes something bad. In many cases, great sexual chemistry can also lead to an imbalanced relationship or misaligned expectations.

While one partner wants a purely physical relationship, the other one wants to get serious and settle down together.

After a while, you might even discover that you both aren’t compatible at all, and the only thing that made you bond was the initial sexual tension.

With time, sometimes, you might even bring out the worst in each other. This happens because couples tend to overlook the finer aspects of their relationship by only focusing on a strong sexual attraction. This is why serious problems like substance abuse, infidelity, addiction, etc, should never be overlooked for the sake of great sex.

Things can become even more toxic when both of you know that the relationship isn’t healthy but you can’t leave each other either because of how amazing the sex feels. Even if you both are completely incompatible, you might have off-the-chart sexual chemistry that can make it harder for you to break up.

What does sexual chemistry feel like?

Well, once and for all, let me tell you, sexual chemistry feels great. While you can often have physically visible signs like dilated pupils, butterflies in your belly, heavy breathing, and flushed skin, it’s not just limited to that. You also feel emotionally fulfilled and mentally happy when they’re around.

Further, when you share great sexual chemistry, you also feel really aroused by someone even without them touching you. Due to this, you can display some signs that are similar to being sexually turned on, such as hardened nipples and increased blood flow to the genitalia.

What happens when sexual chemistry diminishes in a relationship?

When the phase of sexual chemistry gets over, you will be able to spot each other’s flaws more clearly, but if you both are emotionally attached, you’ll be able to sail this through.

What happens when sexual chemistry diminishes and the harsh reality strikes? That’s when you know that the true test of your relationship has begun.

It’s easy to get lost in a world of raging hormones and amazing sex. But when that phase gets over, you both will be able to spot each other’s flaws and understand if you’ll work well together or not in the long run.

At this point, it’s up to you both to decide the basis of your relationship. If you feel that the foundation of your relationship was mostly or purely sex, then it’s best to bid each other goodbye. But if you wish to know each other better and stick together, you can always take a chance and make things work!

This is often because the daily hustle-bustle interrupts the sex lives of the most sexually compatible couples. Further, when you bring a new life into this world and begin a new phase of your relationship, you tend to replace your couple times with parenting. And that’s where the sex (and love!) between you both disappear.

But whatever the reason might be, the sexual chemistry wouldn’t always last forever. So, if you’re both just with each other for sex, then it wouldn’t last long. And for couples who have also built an emotional connection while exploring this sexual chemistry is for the long run!

How to build sexual chemistry?

Intense sexual chemistry can be exhilarating but also heartbreaking. It’s a complex process that still isn’t understood by people worldwide. So, if you wish to build sexual chemistry with someone, here are ten useful tips.

1. Train your body to be sexually fit

This is the first step toward building strong sexual chemistry. Follow a healthy diet and sleep properly. Take good care of your body and mind because that’s the only way you will be sexually more active and fit.

If you have underlying medical problems, be sure to get them checked by a licensed doctor as soon as possible.

2. Be responsive to your partner’s needs

You need to be responsive to your partner’s needs, both inside and outside the bedroom. Once you understand your partner’s emotional needs, you’ll also notice a surge in your sexual compatibility.

As I always say, figure out their mind before exploring their body. In fact, emotional intimacy is one of the best ways to build sexual chemistry with a loved one.

3. Add some spice

If both partners feel they’re stuck in a boring routine, they should always look for ways to add some excitement. Do things that give you both a thrill. Explore different places around you, indulge in water sports, and live life to its fullest!

Even something as simple as having sex in an exciting new location can enhance your sexual chemistry.

4. Communicate

Communication is always the key to a healthy relationship. If you both want to have out-of-the-world sexual chemistry, then you both have to lay out everything openly on the table.

Tell your partner your fantasies and ask them theirs. Explore each other’s bodies and do things that make them moan and shriek with joy. Also, don’t forget to add some sex toys or lube!

5. Fall in love

Let yourself fall in love because it’s one of the most beautiful feelings ever! Even if the sexual chemistry amidst you both isn’t that great, love can help you build it.

Due to hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine, love can give you a bit of a “high”.

6. Be vulnerable

Trust me, being vulnerable isn’t the same as being emotionally weak.

Even if people tell you that opening up to your partner is a bad idea, I’m here to tell you that it isn’t. In fact, being vulnerable and raw is what can make you both click so well together.

Once you start sharing things with them, they’ll also introduce you to their private world!

7. Plan date nights

Date nights not only help you bond romantically but also enhances your sexual chemistry. As I’ve already said, once you’re a part of an everyday rat race, you both hardly get time for each other.

So, take out some time for them and go on a romantic candlelight dinner at least once a week. Enjoy watching some romcoms together or just simply cuddle on the couch and gossip!

8. Text each other sexy things

If you’re bold enough, you can go all the way and send your partner a sexy selfie! But if you feel it’s too soon, then you can always start by texting them something flirty or sending them a flirty meme.

Even phrases like, “Hey honey, I was just watching this incredibly hot video, and it reminded me of you” work at all times!

9. Touch each other

Yes, go ahead and touch your partner! But make sure you don’t come off as creepy or gross. If you do it with caution and a bit of grace, it will most certainly trigger sexual chemistry.

For example, try to stroke your girlfriend’s thighs lightly or run your fingers through your boyfriend’s hair. Doing these things in public will make it all the more exciting!

10. Do things together

Did you know that doing extremely boring activities like cooking or washing utensils together can increase sexual chemistry? Well yes!

The more you indulge in daily chores or activities together, the better you’ll know each other. And engaging in flirty banter while doing all this can not only make things more exciting but will also make you both super aroused!


So, now you know a lot about sexual chemistry but let’s seek some more clarity with these commonly asked questions… along with their answers.

1. Is sexual chemistry always immediate?

Sexual chemistry can be either immediate or develop over time. In many cases, it occurs immediately, such as when you see someone particularly attractive walking into the room. But it can also take some time and develop gradually.

People who are demisexual (able to develop sexual chemistry only after having an emotional connection) don’t experience sexual chemistry instantly.

Even others who don’t identify themselves as demisexuals can experience sexual chemistry after being with someone for a certain amount of time, especially couples who go from best friends to lovers.

2. Can sexual chemistry be one-sided?

Yes, sexual chemistry can be one-sided. Even if you feel intensely attracted to someone sexually, the person may not feel the same for you. I mean, it kind of makes sense.

3. Does sexual chemistry change with time?

Yes, sexual chemistry can definitely change with time!

Even if you haven’t felt sexually attracted at all on your first date, don’t take it as a bad sign. Maybe you were both nervous or awkward.

Plan a date number two to figure out things on a deeper level. If you click with someone on an emotional level, that should be enough to take things forward. I’m pretty sure the sexual chemistry will flare up in a date or two!

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Sexual chemistry is indeed a magical and mysterious thing. It makes you feel both good and bad! But as complicated as it sounds, it really isn’t!

However, I hope that you’ve taken some key points with you after reading this article, such as not forming an entire relationship solely around sexual chemistry.

Other than that, remember that if your sexual chemistry with someone isn’t explosive right away, you can always build it.

Are you interested to know more about ‘Signs Your Boyfriend Is Not Sexually Attracted to You’ then click here?

Are you interested to know more about ‘Signs that Your Girlfriend isn’t Sexually Attracted to You’ then click here?