Wondering how to end a relationship? Are you sure that your feelings faded? Can’t really understand how to break the word? Hesitating about this decision?
I understand the dilemma and excruciating pain of initiating a breakup.
You experienced the pain when the spark died… you take the responsibility to initiate this process… and you’ll probably also receive mean remarks from your soon-to-be-ex and their close ones.
So, in this think piece, I’ll show you the way to minimize conflicts while ending them respectfully. Believe in me and let me walk you through this hard process.
Grab onto my hands tight and let’s clear all the doubts…
How to know when to end a relationship?
Most of us don’t understand when a relationship enters the unhealthy zone and when it’s time to call it quits.
You hesitate before initiating a breakup thinking “Am I being too lame?”, “Is this even a proper reason or is it workable?”, “Should I wait a bit longer and see if things get better?” or “Am I hurrying? When is the right time?”
So, let’s understand when you mustn’t hesitate about a breakup…
1. They can’t stand your success
Studies and careers are significant parts of human life. A suitable career brings you money, purpose, and satisfaction in life. A financially securing career is a must for all irrespective of gender.
However, if you want to keep a well-paid job, you need commitment and concentration.
In such a situation, your partner feels neglected. If they show hatred towards your devotion to work, but you won’t compromise, split up. There’s no point making them wait in misery while you enjoy working.
2. They’re ashamed of your presence
Not everyone is highly educated, earns big figures, or lives a luxurious life. We all grew up in different circumstances and despite our current financial situation, we still carry old habits.
Someone might be comfortable with chopsticks over a fork and spoon. Someone might like dressing comfortably more than fashionably. Your choices define your individuality.
If your partner feels ashamed about the way you talk, walk, dress, eat, or live… it’s time to split if they’re not satisfied with your original self, but you are.
3. The relationship isn’t emotionally comfortable
Sometimes you hit it off perfectly with a person and imagine an entire life. However, down the lane, the spark disappears and neither of you try to work on it… that’s your clue.
If you don’t feel elated to see them or cuddling and kissing doesn’t fill you with bliss like earlier… you might think it’s normal for feelings to fade with time.
However, if you don’t wanna change the current situation… you aren’t emotionally invested anymore. Ending it is your best option.
4. There’s manipulation and abuse
If your relationship has abusive and manipulative dynamics, you don’t need any more reasons. Don’t ever compromise if your partner hurts you physically, verbally, or emotionally.
If they try to control you with their words, make you doubt yourself, or play mind games… it’ll hurt your mental health in the long run.
Don’t play a puppet to such a person. You deserve much better so break free immediately, even if you have feelings for them.
5. You’re an option in their life
When you exclusively date someone, make them your first priority, and are ready to move the world for them… you don’t demand them to return the favor.
However, a small part inside you wants to be treated the same. You behave that way because that’s your idea of love.
If your partner prioritizes someone else over you… you’re bound to feel miserable. A breakup is your only option when they make you feel less important.
6. They’re dead set on not working on differences
You and your partner will have differences… this goes out to everyone. For a successful relationship, you both need to compromise to make things work.
But, if your partner isn’t ready to adjust with you, wants everything their way, expects you to make all the sacrifices, and doesn’t try to understand your issues… that’s a major red flag.
You can’t have a healthy relationship without compromises, so it’s a legit reason.
7. You got trust issues from them
If your partner was previously caught lying, made up things to play safe, hid important info from you, cheated on you, or was dishonest with you… it’s normal to doubt them forever.
When you can’t trust them back for the second time, the relationship is already half dead. And if they did anything like that, you mustn’t trust them either.
Trust is a relationship foundation, so if your trust wavers call it quits.
8. They can’t hold a healthy and calm communication
Disagreements in relationships are common for all. It’s a sign that you both are honest about your thoughts on it. However, partners must resolve the issue with healthy communication.
Communication is the most common solution to any relationship trouble. So, if your partner can’t communicate openly, honestly, and calmly… but talking leads to more fights… the relationship is doomed.
If they can’t hold mature communications, this is a very usual reason behind separations.
9. They talk behind your back
‘Match made in heaven’, ‘made for each other’, etc. sounds so romantic. However, you can hardly find a couple that syncs well without compromise, communication, or trust.
You WILL feel dissatisfied with one another about something. So, you gotta express it to find your middle ground.
However, if your partner instead of talking to you, talks with others behind you… that’s trouble. You can’t be with someone who is this immature and gossipy.
10. You spotted too many relationship deal breakers
This one depends on what you consider dealbreakers. Perhaps, for you, treating service industry workers respectfully is a must. Or, is it handling children gently? Maybe you like humble people.
However, in the long run, you can’t adjust to someone who is morally different from you. It will lead to breakups eventually.
Did any of these situations match with yours? But you don’t wish to end this relationship on a sour note? Let’s figure something out here…
How to end a relationship on good terms?
Sometimes, you meet a fabulous person in life, hit it off so well that you start dating them. Later you notice that you aren’t compatible as lovers… but the platonic chemistry was insane.
Perhaps you meet one another every day at school or work or have kids. You wanna break up peacefully so that things don’t get awkward later… or you wanna have a healthy platonic connection with them.
If this is your situation, c’mon let me show you the secrets…
1. Figure out your reasons first
Don’t just say “I wanna break up” or “We don’t match anymore”. Identify what led you to this decision. You might not be ready to say it all out suddenly. So, identify the breakup reasons first.
Your partner also needs to know them to do better in their next relationship. Take time to phrase your sentences so it doesn’t hurt them. You both will get closure and move on with this.
2. Meet up in person
Many people break up over calls, emails, and texts even when they live in the same city. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Won’t you feel used and taken advantage of from such breakups?
You can’t end things on good terms because they’ll be resentful for this. So long you can meet them, don’t do it over a device.
They deserve one last in-person meeting… if you think they’re worth breaking up on good terms.
3. Steer clear from public eyes
Choose a place away from too many people. Breakup conversations are never the best, so your partner won’t be able to contain their emotions.
Go for a quiet place with privacy so they can cry their heart out or scream their lungs out. It might be somewhere peaceful near their home.
They will hold back in public to avoid embarrassment. If they can’t express themselves openly, suppressed emotions will bitterly affect your connection.
4. Be honest and considerate of their feelings
During your breakup speech, you may lose your calm… because you were hurt and a lot of thought led you to this decision. You might fail to express yourself calmly because of your emotions.
Further, your partner might try to change your mind… and you might retaliate meanly during that. Since you wanna stay on good terms… be considerate of their feelings. Don’t be too honest to the point of hurting them.
5. Mind your language during the conversation
Partly, both of you are responsible for the breakup. However, don’t blame them if you wanna end it well. If you show contempt, criticize them, or use an accusatory tone… it’ll only bitter the situation further.
Instead of “It’s your fault”, say “I don’t think things are working well”.
Smooth the blow with neutral language. They’re already messed up with the news… don’t fuel their misery with accusations. Don’t spark arguments because you can’t mend the relationship anyway.
6. Remind them you’ll cherish the good times
For the time that you were together, they brought you some happy moments. Those helped you grow a bit into knowing yourself and becoming confident.
Share all the good feelings they brought to you. Your breakup confession already tore them into pieces. So, follow this breakup etiquette to ease their emotional turmoil.
Shower little positivity if you want to keep them in your life. Try to stay calm and collected to end on good terms.
7. Accept your mistakes when they complain
If your relationship wasn’t working for a while, they’ll also have some complaints. They probably kept quiet because they wanted to sustain the relationship somehow.
During the breakup, they will burst out and point at your shortcomings. Don’t get defensive if they’re legit issues. Allow them to speak their mind and apologize if you know you were wrong.
It won’t feel great but listen and help them get the load off their chest.
8. Stay within your limits when you support them
Your soon-to-be-ex will break down from the sudden news. They’ll cry and you’ll want to support them. Hug them, pat their back, and apologize for hurting them.
However, don’t step away from your decision and get back together. That’s confusing for you both and it will delay your emotional progress.
Stick to your point even if your partner bawls out their eyes or begs you to return.
9. Offer them to take time before reconnecting
Since you wanna end on good terms… you probably wanna stay friends. However, both of your emotions are all over the place. You can’t change your romance into a platonic relationship amidst the confusion.
Take as much time apart as you need before you both completely move on. Decide on a 3-6 month-long no-contact period.
If they need more time, then agree to it. Otherwise, they might be unable to move on.
10. Express your gratitude before leaving
Your partner put up a lot with you just as you did. They invested a part of their heart, life, energy, and time in you.
They probably didn’t imagine you’ll end this way… so they might feel guilty for wasting their life.
Before you bid adieu, thank your partner for keeping up with you, supporting you, and showering so much love on you. Make them realize that even if it was for a while, you’re grateful for it.
However, if it was a long-term relationship, you probably got entangled a lot. To make a clean break in this situation, let’s explore this…
How to end a long term relationship?
If you dated this person for a long time, you are probably deep into each other’s lives.
You might have kids and pets, be close to one another’s friends and family, have joint assets, and you or your parents might be somewhat dependent on them.
Your breakup process won’t be easy because you can’t easily untangle from one another’s life. So, let’s know how to withdraw slowly to end the relationship here…
1. Prepare your heart for a big change
In a long-term relationship, your lives are entangled much more intensely. You might have children, share pets, have a ton of your things in one another’s places, and have great relationships with one another’s friends and family.
Your life will take a new turn. Your life might become harder or their near ones might hold a grudge against you… so keep it all in mind when you decide to make this move.
2. Figure out a backup plan for the worst
Firstly, figure out how you’ll approach them. Make an elaborate plan to express the reasons. Write down what you’ll say during the conversation and expect some conflict in return.
They may not allow you to meet your kids or spread rumors about you in your circle. Before you bring up the breakup news, figure out how you’ll tackle their spiraling behavior.
While you find ways to ease the blow, also consider protecting yourself.
3. Be steady, honest, and compassionate during the convo
When you begin the conversation, be honest about what went wrong. Don’t hide the issues, otherwise, they’ll think you found someone better. Give them legit reasons but also sugar-coat them a bit.
Don’t apply brutal honesty in this situation. Otherwise, they’ll behave defensively or react inconveniently. They’ll get angry, curse you, beg you to stay back, or even threaten you.
Don’t let anything change your mind, or else you’ll never get over it.
4. Break it to your friends and family
Before your partner says something bad about you for the separation from your loved one… confess to them.
Your friends, your mutual friends, your family, their family… talk to everyone about what went wrong and why you won’t continue the relationship any longer.
If your partner is desperate, they might manipulate your people to return. Request them to not convince you about getting back. Ask them to support you in your journey.
5. Speak to your children separately
If you have children, they need extra care. This is even more concerning if they’re young.
Calmly express what’s up in an age-appropriate manner. You may talk to them together or individually.
If anyone will move out, tell them where you’ll go and assure them that they’ll be fine and be in contact with both parents. Allow them to ask questions and answer sensitively.
Plan moves ASAP, else it might shock them… children might forget or think of it as a joke if you delay.
6. Decide your dialogues for insignificant mutuals
If you guys have nosy yet insignificant mutual connections… you won’t hear the end of them. They will interfere and even make you doubt one another when you’re both innocent.
They might tell you they saw your partner with someone of the opposite gender when you were together.
Though this won’t matter after the breakup, it’ll bitterly affect your mind. You might share the negativity further.
To avoid it, figure out ways to shut them down.
7. Schedule an item returning date
After the breakup, your partner won’t wanna see you. However, if you guys have items at one another’s place, it’s best to schedule it on days when the other isn’t around.
Suppose, they’ll pick up their things from your place. Let a friend house-sit and go out while they take away their items.
Or, you both can pack one another’s belongings, make a list, and drop it at a mutual friend’s place. Go for whichever works for you.
8. Figure out contact rules and boundaries
After a breakup, practicing no-contact is the best way to get over the pain. But if you have kids, you’ll need to spend time together for their healthy upbringing.
You can neither speak awkwardly while co-parenting nor get too close to make the kids feel secure. Set new boundaries about these moments. What kind of physical contact are on board and what isn’t.
Listen to their boundaries as well and follow them honestly.
9. Plan your behavior for sudden meetings
Other than planned and obvious meetings like co-parenting or a mutual friend’s wedding… you might meet up on the go.
If you guys live around the same area, you might come across them in the convenience store… or while they’re out on a date.
Will you ignore one another or will you greet and have a small talk? Suppose you’re with a friend and suddenly meet them. Your friend greets them, will you ignore or talk to them?
10. Don’t bash yourself for wavering feelings
Sometimes, you’ll miss your ex and want them back. Don’t try to get back for the wrong reasons. Just because life is hard without them or you miss a warm bed, don’t try to get back.
However, such feelings are normal… so don’t reprimand yourself for feeling confused or torn apart.
If you made lots of memories with them, it’ll be hard to forget. Seek your near ones or a therapist if you wanna return.
On the contrary, if this person was manipulative, played mind games, and hurt you someway… things get tougher because they’re crazy. Let’s get off the hook safely this way…
How to end a toxic relationship?
Dating a toxic person is hard on your mental health. They hurt your self-esteem to keep you back in the relationship.
They might even manipulate you or spread bad rumors about you to force you to return to them.
Getting away from a toxic person is a dangerous task. So, reach out to a trusted aid and work on these steps…
1. Brace yourself with the reasons
A toxic partner makes you doubt yourself. You second-guess whether you deserve anything good in your life. Snap out of this trance and remember that this is the exact reason you’ll break up.
Journal everything that happened in the relationship and that made you feel less than, stopped you from having a healthy and happy life. If there was abuse or isolation, include that in your journal.
Identify the chief reasons behind this separation by yourself.
2. Plan out a breakup talk
Contact a trusted friend to prepare the breakup script. Toxicity and abuse victims lose their confidence to speak up to their partners. Prepare how you’ll approach your partner and talk about it.
They’ll intimidate you and make you feel unconfident, so find out the probable ways to deal with such situations. Figure out the probable ways they manipulate you and discuss the best way.
Rehearse in front of a mirror to seem more confident.
3. Seek them out to a preferred location
Call or text them to meet up someday and make it clear it’s not a date this way: “I wanna discuss something important, when are you free to meet?”
If you feel unsafe, take a trusted friend and meet in public places. The public presence will discourage them from taking any wrong actions.
If this person is abusive, there’s no need to meet in person. Break up over calls or messages as they don’t deserve in-person meetings.
4. Go for it and never beat around the bush
Don’t stammer and be straightforward when you start talking. Explain what’s wrong in the relationship and your decision to call quits. Use confident language to show that they can’t change your mind.
Say “This isn’t working for me because <add reasons>. After thinking over it, I want to end it.”
Never say, “I think ending it might be better.” They’ll think they still have a chance and convince you against it.
5. Listen to their story because it never hurts
No breakup convo ends with a one-sided story. They’ll speak too so allow them so long there’s no threat or insult to return. If they try manipulating you with emotional drama, stick to your grounds and decisions.
If the conversations become heated, say “I don’t wanna fight with you. Leave me alone from now on.” Zone out the mean comments and don’t respond to their provocations and save your time and energy.
6. Be clear about the limits
Toxic people don’t take rejection well, so it might take time until they understand the situation.
Whenever they reach out or bother you in person or virtually, tell them you won’t entertain them anymore.
Make sure you don’t use more than two sentences.
If they have your keys, change your lock for safety. If they disturb your workplace, talk to HR and guards to not allow them in. Don’t indulge in unnecessary exchanges with them.
7. Take proper measures for controlling tactics
Block them from everywhere – phone and social media. Avoid places you might meet them.
They might try to woo you back or corner you after hurting your reputation. Even if you feel hopeless, don’t return.
Rather seek trusted near ones for moral support so you don’t change your decisions.
If they hurt you, your reputation, your loved ones, disrupts your workplace, or follows you… take legal actions and file a restraining order.
8. Seek your trusted near one’s aid
The drama is too hard on you and you might enter a depressive spiral because of the situation. Don’t bottle your feelings when you break down.
Seek your loved ones and express your feelings. Confide in a near one and cry out your heart. If you need particular help from them, don’t be shy and just ask for it.
They probably want to support you too but can’t mention it lest they offend you.
9. Take time off dating and love yourself
After this breakup, don’t look for romantic relationships too fast. Take time to understand healthy relationship dynamics. Heal yourself with self-love and reach out to support groups. Join a club and learn a new instrument.
Connect with your existing near ones and soak yourself in positivity. Have healthy meals, exercise regularly, pamper your skin, and enjoy nature’s blessings.
Go on a vacation with friends and journal your feelings every day.
10. Always get therapy for more help
If you can’t get over the relationship or want to begin another relationship too fast to be happy… you might have an insecure attachment style. You might not notice toxicity because of your childhood relationship patterns.
Seek a therapist to understand your relationship patterns, work through your childhood trauma, and learn to build healthy relationships.
A therapist will also show you how to deal with the low self-esteem that you got from a toxic relationship.
Contrarily, if this person isn’t the person you thought they were… if they’re impersonating someone else, that’s a crime! Let’s make this stop right here…
How to end a catfish relationship?
When you find out you’re being catfished, your feelings jumble up. You hate the other person for fooling you, you feel embarrassed for believing them, and you hate that you even gave them a chance.
Mostly, you blame yourself for the situation and let them go without a fight. Let’s not let them go so easily and give them a taste of their medicine here…
1. Get evidence that it’s a catfish
If your online date’s profile seems too perfect, they avoid video calls and in-person meetings, don’t have too many pictures online, ask for contact details on intimate platforms, want to further the relationship too quickly, and ask for money… Those are definite signs.
To confirm your suspicions, image-search their pictures to check if they’re copied from online sources or original.
Don’t block your catfish without a good fight. Show them the consequences of their actions.
2. Announce to them they’re busted
When you get proof, tell them you know it’s a fake account and you’re calling it quits. Tell them they hurt you and ask for closure.
Give them one final chance to honestly confess. They’ll probably not drop the act, so tell them you’re over.
However, if you don’t feel comfortable, you can skip this step. No need to feel sorry to ghost on a catfisher. They owe you an apology and closure, not the other way round.
3. Expose them to others
Even if you don’t wanna speak to them, you can protect others from becoming victims.
If you’re connected on social media and lots of your real-life friends are on their accounts, give them a heads up. Suggest them to break ties real quick.
If there are mutual connections you know through the catfisher, they’re probably their allies. Don’t bother connecting to them, they know what’s up and might even try manipulating them into not breaking up.
4. Block and report them on all platforms
Remember where you’re connected with your catfisher. Is it only dating sites? Did you add them on social media platforms? Did you also exchange your email ID and phone number?
Report the catfisher’s account on social media platforms. The app will eventually ban their account and save other victims. Block them from all places so they can’t reach out to you anywhere.
Also, stay aware of any random accounts reaching out for a while. You never know how many backup accounts they have.
5. Report them to legal authorities
Catfishing is morally wrong and also illegal. They impersonate an existing person to make their profile realistic and hurt unsuspecting people. They’re a criminal to the victims as they extort money online.
They’re also a criminal to the impersonated person as they misuse their identity and harm their reputation. If you have evidence, report them to the local police and hope they take action.
However, this step depends on your personal choice and is not mandatory.
6. Take space from online dating
It hurts to know that you’re catfished. Catfishing might even traumatize the victims with the heart-breaking experience. You might feel devastated and not feel ready for a relationship.
Delete your dating profiles… or uninstall the dating apps, then your profile will remain even if you don’t look for dates.
7. Stop blaming and shaming yourself
You’re the victim in this situation so stop pondering on where you went wrong. Embarrassment about not recognizing the catfish is normal, but it wasn’t your fault. You fell prey because you were innocent.
After this incident, learn to recognize people’s intentions and notice the other person’s intentions. Everyone seeks love online, so you did nothing wrong.
If anything, you know that you’re a wonderful lover… your feelings were valid, but the other person wasn’t good enough.
8. Indulge in self-care
Take your time to practice self-care and self-love. This can mean anything in the world so don’t stress about it too much. Do what fills your heart with joy.
Some are physical activities like dancing, exercise, going on walks, mental activities like puzzle solving, gaming, relaxing activities like reading, painting, getting massages, pet cuddling, and going on trips.
Learn new indoor or outdoor activities and treat yourself to delicious food, good sleep, and pamper your skin and hair.
9. Seek your near and dear ones’ support
If you’re ready to share the experience with your near ones, don’t feel shy or ashamed to spill the beans.
Deep inside, you’re frustrated that you let them fool you, play with your trust, and allow them to manipulate and extort you.
Don’t bottle these feelings for too long. Invite your best friends or siblings for a sleepover. Spend time with them and open up. They’ll guide you well through this tough time.
10. Fix a therapist’s appointment for more help
If you’re suffering a lot after this incident, there’s nothing wrong with you. Different people react differently to traumatizing events. Naturally, some people need expert help to cope with the trauma and heal.
A therapist will help you figure out your feelings properly, feel heard, validated, and comforted, regain your confidence, and address and sort out your emotions in a safe space.
Be open and honest with your therapist as they won’t share your info with anybody else.
If this person is obsessed with themself, then you’re probably with a narcissist. So let’s separate from them soon before they inflict serious damage on your life here…
How to end a relationship with a narcissist?
A relationship with a narcissist hurts beyond words because they have no compassion for you. If you tell them something hurts you, they’ll make the entire situation about them. They have manipulative tactics and play the victim in the end.
This is emotionally taxing and you really start doubting that probably you lack empathy… not them.
Unfortunately, they won’t change their ways, so you must get away from them this way…
1. Understand that you’re not wrong
Since childhood, we learned to not judge others… because it’s bad. NO, it’s not… if they harm your life, you have every right to judge them and fight for a better life. You’re wise to judge a narcissist, not bad or unspiritual.
When you judged them, you found out the truth. Now stick to this clarity because people tend to forget the reasons easily.
Note down everything that made you believe it’s a bad relationship and stick to your conclusion.
2. Don’t wait for the right time
A narcissist will make you believe they’re a poor soul and need your support. They’re well aware that you won’t stay long and will try to keep you back in any possible way. They’ll always have something up in their life.
How long will you sacrifice until the perfect time? Years will pass and you’ll still sympathize with them. There’s no leaving at the right or wrong time. You thought about it, so work on it quickly.
3. Don’t hope them to change at all
Talk to them upfront that you don’t wanna stay and you can’t deal with their personality disorder any longer.
Don’t try to make them responsible for the breakup because even if they say “I’ll change babe”… they’ll forget it the next instant.
Don’t think about their fake promises. They’ll pretend to treat you right today and delay your departure. Don’t allow that to happen. Focus on the happy life you deserve and work on it now.
4. Stop making excuses for them
Since narcissism is a personality disorder, you probably tried to work on it with them but to no avail. You might try to defend their issues because of their family history or childhood abuse and sympathize with them.
However, your partner is the chief root of the issue and it’s unchangeable. If you can’t stand the relationship dynamics, you’re not wrong to get away. You’re not responsible for this situation, so stop defending them.
5. Accept your flaws before they use them against you
When the narcissist got on your nerves, you didn’t handle the situation properly… you were mean to them so you’re imperfect too.
Accept that before they try to blame you. In fact, they’ll make you the reason behind every fight.
However, your reactions were unintentional and mostly retaliations to their provocation. You didn’t mean to hurt them in a twisted way so don’t let them manipulate your thoughts… you were wrong, but not as much as him.
6. Don’t keep your tabs on them
After breaking up, the narcissist will lead a wonderful life and then suddenly contact you to say “I might seem like I’m happy, but it’s just me trying my best to forget you”. Yup, they’re pretty good at confusing you.
They want to grab your attention so you don’t get over them and get back together. They’re actually having a good time while also trying their best to manipulate you.
Unfollow or block their contact from everywhere to lead a better life.
7. Save yourself from self-blame
The narcissist will make you feel you’re to be blamed. Well, wisdom for this moment: Even if you’re at fault for ruining the relationship… at least you didn’t ruin yourself.
When you blame yourself for ending it, you repeat what they said. It’s not your own thoughts… some part of you believes in their absurd accusations.
Distract yourself whenever the negative self-talk kicks in. Don’t let their voice in your mind win.
8. Seek therapy for childhood trauma
You got attracted to a narcissist because of childhood trauma. The innocent you back then registered a negative trait as positive. In adulthood, you still crave unresolved trauma unconsciously.
As a result, you may again get involved with a narcissist in the future. So, it’s time to work out your childhood issues with psychotherapy. Stop denying the deep issues because “They aren’t that bad”.
It literally sent you through a bad relationship and might repeat.
9. Consult third-party for more help
You might feel the urge to return or contact your ex. So, to keep yourself in check seek out trusted near ones that can help you get rid of such thoughts.
Also, you might entangle yourself in a legal situation about kids, pets, and joint assets. They’ll make you look unstable, pull every possible jackass move like using your trauma to defeat you.
Hire professionals to defend your case and protect your rights.
10. Be compassionate to yourself
During this crisis, you need yourself the most. Nobody can support you the way you can. You know your worries and fears better than everyone else.
To work on making a better life, focus on pampering yourself and your professional growth.
Soothe yourself out of the trauma and avoid any person that makes you feel uncomfortable or distressed.
Imagine a friend suffers in your position… how will you support them? Well, that’s exactly what you need for yourself.
But was your arrangement a casual one? Then you probably wanna ghost them. But I think we can do better. Let’s know the path to that here…
How to end a casual relationship?
Due to the ‘casual’ tag in casual relationships, many think ending these doesn’t need effort. However, the name doesn’t make either of you any less human.
Further, the other person probably hopes that the relationship will take a better turn in the future.
You can’t assume the other person wasn’t invested in it at all. So, let’s be compassionate and treat them properly for the last time with these…
1. Avoid leading them on
If you’re sure you don’t wanna stay in the relationship, put on the brakes yourself.
Some people behave distant in their relationships and provoke their partner to take lead in breaking up. They want to avoid the guilty feeling of breaking up.
Don’t stretch a dead relationship any longer. It’s unfair and unethical to you both. Even if it’s completely casual from your side, your partner might expect something serious in the future.
2. Don’t even ponder on ghosting them
Some people want to avoid the breakup confrontation so badly and ghost their partners.
Since the relationship was casual, they don’t care about their partner’s feelings. They begin by ignoring calls and texts and slowly and suddenly disappear.
Ghosting isn’t just mean, but stressful because the other person might be worried sick.
They might never forgive themselves for an unknown wrong action or assume something bad happened to you. If a meeting or contacting them isn’t unsafe, don’t do that.
3. Don’t break up through technology
If you can travel to-and-fro your partner’s place within one day, then don’t break up over calls and texts. If you guys invested enough time in the relationship, they deserve this bit of time too.
Breakups in person are a respectful gesture. The other person understands that you didn’t just play with them for so long.
However, text, phone, or video call breakups are acceptable if you hardly know one another or had less than 5 dates.
4. Choose proper time and location
Don’t break up over celebratory days like birthdays, anniversaries, graduation dates, promotions, or anything else.
Choose the day before weekends or their off-schedule. This will allow them to process what happened alone. Don’t pick a time if they’re too stressed, tired, or hungry.
Pick a private location around their house. Don’t do it at their house, or else the situation will play in their mind repeatedly.
Make sure you can leave the place easily whenever you want. You can’t stay stuck together after a breakup.
5. Place kindness amidst the honesty
During the breakup, let’s not use any absurd cliché story like “Nothing is wrong with you, it’s me”. If there was any issue, be honest about it. This will later help them build healthier relationships in life.
They also deserve to know the real reasons. So, don’t hide them to pretend you care for them. However, be kind while delivering honesty.
Make sure it’s something they can change in reality and nothing superficial like looks or money.
6. Don’t blame them for no reason
If they aren’t at fault, then neither make up any issue about them nor give lame reasons. Rather cover up with something about yourself.
For instance, say “I can’t feel any connection with you” or “I don’t think I want a relationship right now”.
However, they might still try thinking you’re available. So say “I think I still like my ex and they contacted me, so I wanna break up”. Be more daring to lower the blow.
7. Replay the good times
You dated them for their qualities… so emphasize those properly. Remind them how they helped you become a better person. Perhaps, they have great taste in books. Or, they made you notice the different life perspectives.
Do you like how they speak their mind? Or, maybe their compassionate side is wonderful? Mention their good qualities to appreciate them.
This way they won’t lose self-esteem or think they’re worse than your ex or next partner. They deserve this much appreciation if they gave you good memories.
8. Maintain distance and let them heal
Once you’re done with the breakup, stay away from them. They might not do well, but if you try to check in, they’ll hope you still have feelings. If you don’t want to confuse them, stand still away from them.
Remove them from your social media. If you’re connected in the workplace or school, don’t contact them unnecessarily.
Whether you need a hand at homework or with your overtime, don’t pull them in. If anyone tries to send you on errands together, decline.
9. Don’t try to be friends with benefits
To some, casual relationships and casual sex have the same meaning. Your ex might ask you to have casual sex or propose FWB. Don’t mistakenly think they’ll get over you this way.
This will only worsen things as their feelings become clouded. They might try to monopolize you with casual sex or try to change your feelings.
Hooking up with an ex is always a bad idea so steer clear of this shaky situation.
10. Seek supporters to protect yourself
If your ex is the crazy type, they might try to slander you in some way. Make sure you have enough people around you to support you through a tough time.
Even if they’re the calm type, people don’t take rejection too well. So, you never know what they might do after getting emotional. Just to stay safe, keep the text as records of what did or didn’t happen in the relationship.
If they’re somewhere from your school or work, they might try to frame you. It never hurts to be cautious.
Can’t meet the other person to break up? Well, if you don’t have any options and wanna do it over texts, let’s head into…
How to end a relationship over text?
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, don’t feel safe breaking up face to face, or hardly know one another… breaking up over texts might be the right answer.
However, for LDRs specifically, put efforts to express your intentions properly. Breaking up over texts doesn’t convey emotions, so use the right words and follow these…
1. Don’t drink before texting
Many people resort to drinking before breaking up on texts. They think their soon-to-be ex won’t know, they’ll get courage, and be more upfront.
But, it usually results in text massacres because after drinking, your impulsivity heightens. You may become more stubborn and lose your sense of rationality and compassion.
This isn’t the best course of action and later leads to lots of trouble. They might even post screenshots of your text if you offend them. To save yourself from saying something wrong, keep the alcohol away.
2. Compose the text without too much detail
Probably a lot went wrong in your relationship and you were hurt beyond words. So, jot down your text pointers by yourself before sending them.
You may want to express all the bitterness at this moment because you won’t get any chance later. Moreover, we get too bold in texts.
But hey, think about it rationally… Do you know what’s going on in their life right now? Perhaps, they’re dealing with other troubles you don’t know about.
Keep the text short because the breakup news says it all.
3. Merge the blow with a compliment
Begin with a smooth opening and try to make the blow soft.
You don’t know if there’s anyone near that person. They might not share the news with anyone and suffer all alone. At least, you can lower the pain with your words.
For instance, include “I really cherish the joy you brought in my life… but I don’t think this is working for me”.
To turn down their future expectations, say “It felt great to know you, but I didn’t feel any spark”.
4. Don’t include anything they can use against you
Be very careful that you don’t include even a slight threat or insult in the texts. They might get back at you later with legal harassment.
You’ll leave that person in an emotionally unstable situation. Don’t provoke them to do something worse and get back at you.
If you guys have mutual friends or they have contacts of your close ones, they might reach out to them. Your relationship with your people is also at stake.
5. Ask for a second opinion
Before you send the text to your ex, send it to a trusted aid. Ask them whether your text is direct, short, not too cruel, doesn’t leave a bad aftertaste, and has nothing offensive.
Discuss if you need to add or remove any content to make it easier for the receiver.
Don’t send it to too many people, otherwise, they might spread the breakup news to this person before you… and you won’t even know who the blabbermouth is.
6. Pick up a good time they’re at home
If you know what time they stay at home, pick that… or ask them to make sure you don’t text at the wrong time.
Make sure they’re at home and have a holiday the next day so they can figure out their feelings properly. Don’t pick times if they’re having a party at home or any special occasions.
Text them “I have something important to share, when will you be free and at home?” A direct text like this will convey that it’s not a virtual date.
7. Be prepared for calls
Send the breakup text you made to them at the assigned time. Don’t delay hitting the send button. Else you’ll feel more anxious with time.
Wait a bit before they reply, because they need time to grasp the situation. They might even call you instead of replying in texts.
You must take the call out of courtesy… However, if it makes you uncomfortable, decline the call. Text them “I can’t take calls right now, mind if we talk through texts?”
8. Don’t hold back details they wanna know
When they ask you about your reasons to break up, whether they can fix it, or ask for a second chance, honestly answer them all. Don’t intend to hurt through the replies and mention what needs to be said.
Don’t add baseless reasons like “You’re too good for me” or hurtful ones like “I deserve better”.
They might question you about the same thing repeatedly. Don’t overreact or lose patience with them. Bear with them for one last time.
9. Don’t cut them off before they’re done texting
Your ex will have lots to say. Let’s be honest, nobody is perfect… you broke their heart in numerous ways. They have lots of suppressed emotions and this will all overflow after the breakup.
Don’t say goodbye, delete their number, or block them right away after the text. Wait until you think they’re done.
However, if they send you abusive or threatening texts… block or report them as you wish. But don’t retaliate with abusive words.
10. Stay away for good
After the breakup business is over, don’t contact them ever. Don’t delete their number if you want to avoid their calls or texts. Remove them from your social media or restrict your media from them.
Share the word to your friends and family, so nobody contacts them thinking you two are still an item. Tell their loved ones about the situation so they don’t contact you either.
Don’t post anything about them on social media. Change relationship status in private and make it public later on.
Don’t stalk them or ask their friends or family about their well-being. Unless they reach out, you don’t need to. If you’re worried they might harm themselves or others, contact their friends and family.
Did your situation not match with either of these? If it’s any other kind of relationship, follow these to end things amicably…
Dos and Don’ts of ending a relationship
If your relationship circumstances aren’t defined in either of these… you can still end your relationship with the minute do’s and don’ts during one.
These apply to any relationship and situation. In short, this is your cheat sheet for ending a relationship. End your relationship with compassion and kindness with the…
1. Be honest and kind simultaneously
There’s a fine difference between honesty and brutal honesty. The former shows your sincerity and the latter expresses your mean intentions.
Let your soon-to-be-ex know about their stellar traits and the reasons behind getting together.
Then follow in with your breakup reasons. Don’t say you want to end the relationship because they’re the worst.
However, if the other person was abusive or manipulative, don’t waste your time on sugarcoating words. Rather they owe you an apology for torturing you.
2. Break up in person
If you guys aren’t in a long-distance relationship and/or have dated long enough to spend lots of time… break up in person.
When you have so many good memories with that person, show this minimalistic etiquette to prevent them from feeling worse.
People feel used or even ghosted when they only get a text about breakups. They don’t get closure ever and suffer from major self-esteem issues because of it.
If you can’t do it in person, choose a video or phone call… texts aren’t acceptable. However, if you feel unsafe around them, i.e., they’re abusive, then consider the text route.
3. Create your breakup content based on their reaction
Prepare a speech beforehand else your mind will go all over the place when it’s time. Think about how they’ll feel from the news? Will they be shocked, angry, devastated, or relieved?
Prepare your content to match their emotions about the breakup. If they cry, how will you console them? If they become angry, will you try to calm them or leave them?
Add a hint of sensitivity in your words if you can’t figure out their possible reaction.
4. Confide in your near and dear ones
If you’re unsure about the situation, can’t figure out how to proceed with the breakup, or feel overwhelmed with the pressure of leading the breakup… talk to a trusted aid. Choose someone that won’t share your thoughts with your partner or other friends.
Knowing your partner wants to break up with a third person feels the worst. So, avoid any mutual friends and talk to a responsible adult that doesn’t gossip.
5. Consider what and why you want
Think over what’s the actual issue. We might impulsively break up sometimes because we can’t figure out any other solution. Write down your reasons for the breakup. Honestly think if it’s the only way out.
Strive with honesty while thinking about these. If the other person is toxic, no need to reconsider.
If you feel that you both have genuine feelings for one another, then look for other solutions. If your friends can’t suggest anything, try therapy.
6. Step forward with pure intentions
When you make a breakup speech, think about the reasons, during the breakup conversation, or even when they retaliate poorly to this news… work with positive and pure intentions.
Don’t focus on saying something mean, making them regret it, or taking revenge with bitter words.
It might feel great at the moment to curse your ex. However, down the lane, you’ll feel more resentful and even bitter.
You might feel your retorts weren’t good enough and feel disappointed. Our life no longer revolves around them so stop allowing them to impact your mood.
7. Invest time to choose the location
If this person doesn’t anticipate a breakup, they won’t take it too well. There will be screaming, yelling, name-calling, intense tears, guilt, denial, begging… they might go out of their mind and embarrass themselves.
They can’t express their pain well if there are too many people around them. So, choose a quiet place to give them a last chance to openly share their emotions.
However, if they’re abusive, they might try hurting you. In this case, deliberately choose a public place. This will decrease the risk of being physically abused.
8. Put yourself in their shoes
If you can’t figure out what might be hurtful and what to omit from the convo, then imagine yourself on the receiving side.
What’s okay for you to listen to from a soon-to-be-ex? What will hurt you? What will rip your heart into pieces? How do you want to be consoled? What’s your favorable breakup location and time?
Answer these questions honestly and follow your heart. Possibly, you and this person don’t think the same, but that’s better than nothing.
9. Set healthy boundaries
If you and this person will stay in contact due to the same workplace, school, neighborhood, having kids, or any other situation… then you gotta set some clear limits.
If they need to contact you for any circumstances, mention which are legit reasons to get in touch. If you must co-parent the kids, fix certain days for it, and press on physical or sexual contact boundaries.
If you want to go no-contact, how long do you want it?
10. Stay respectful
After the breakup, many people will gossip about it and press you to share juicy info. If you’re over them, what’s the point in overcooking the past memories?
If you have regrets, feel dissatisfied, or have negative feelings, figure it out by yourself in private. You don’t want others to talk behind your back, the same goes for your ex.
Further, there’s also their side of the story. So, they can also spread stupid rumors based on assumptions. Behave maturely and let bygones be bygones.
11. Stall the conversation
Delaying the convo is always comfy… after all, nobody likes to deal with tough situations. However, aren’t you messing around with both their and your time this way?
If you get over the breakup, you won’t feel guilty for leading them on, wasting your time, or missing out on better experiences in your lives. Time is too precious so let’s avoid wasting it this way.
Release yourselves from this burdensome relationship if you no longer have feelings.
12. Blame them
A broken relationship isn’t the result of only one person’s fault. Even if they were at fault the most, you’re still at fault a little bit.
They might have grudges against you too. However, blaming one another and feeling miserable in the process isn’t any good.
During the conversation, take extra care that your tone isn’t accusatory. Don’t blame them for everything that happened. You might later regret your actions if you’re not too careful.
13. Lie about the breakup
When you tell them the reason behind the breakup, you don’t need to lie. The worst of all is “You’re too good for me”, “I can’t bear to be so selfish to keep you tied”… these might sound like you want to make them feel better.
However, imagine being on the receiving side of such phrases. You’ll probably want to punch the other person with an iron chair.
Kindness doesn’t mean blatant lies. So make sure to get rid of outrageous lies.
14. Prioritize them because the breakup hurt them
Breakups hurt and there’s no way to ease the hurt. Your ex will feel bad and you’ll be the reason. Give them a shoulder to cry on, but don’t continue this kind of compassion every day.
You can’t stay in contact and jumble up their feelings. You can’t continue paying attention to them and ignore your healing either. It’s unhealthy for you both so go your separate ways.
In case your ex behaves suicidal, give heads up to their loved ones and their therapist to pay attention to them more.
15. Overshare on social media
Don’t update your social media relationship status, don’t share breakup posts, and don’t write your ex a breakup letter on your ex’s wall. Avoid attracting attention on social platforms.
People who don’t care about your lives at all behave nosily. They only want spicy news and enjoy the drama. The ones who care about your life are reachable offline. So, talk to them directly instead.
You also put yourself and your ex in danger. Opportunists try to have their way with people who’re struggling in life and hit on their vulnerable spots.
Though you wanna break up, you might not be sure about what to say. So, let’s peek through some examples here…
What to say when ending a relationship?
Whether you break up face to face or other forms of communication… The highlight here is ‘communication’.
Choosing the right words matters for you both. However, you might feel unsure about what might soothe them or burn their scars. So, let’s get a small idea here…
1. “I wish you all the best for your future”
The secret to a peaceful breakup is hoping for their welfare. I Hope that they’ll find the one they deserve, happiness, love, and endless positivity in the future.
You caused them immense pain throughout the relationship and during the breakup. You can only hope to see them smiling happily without you beside them.
Show them that you genuinely want the best for them.
2. “It’s as hard on me as it’s on you”
Anybody after receiving a breakup text breaks down. They feel nobody else feels as bad as them, feel lonely, and devastated. Many people make bad life decisions after the breakup shock.
Ease their pain and say that the breakup equally hurts you. When you initiate a breakup, you feel much worse because of the guilt of hurting them.
Rather than confusing them without words, and letting them think they’re at fault, your pain will soothe them.
They’ll be happy to know they’re not losing it all alone and that you’re not too happy to get away.
3. “I can’t continue this. You deserve someone who cherishes you”
If you wanna break up because of personal reasons, don’t say “it’s not you, it’s me”. Explain what it is actually about after this.
Why can’t you continue it? Is it because you must focus on something like career or personal issues? In this way, you’ll prove that it’s really about you. It won’t sound like made-up excuses.
Express that you believe they can do better and they’ll find love soon. Further, tell them that you can’t be the one because of your issues.
4. “I don’t think we’re the best fit for one another any longer”
If you want to be really honest and cut down the sugar coating, then just say that you’re not suitable for one another. This reduces any sort of drama as there’s no blaming.
Your words will express that you were good at some point and made it work… however, with time you both grew apart with different perceptions.
It shows that you don’t hold any grudge against them. They won’t feel resentful and slowly will return to their healthy life.
5. “This isn’t the relationship I pictured”
You can also blame it on your current situation. For instance, you guys fight too much or don’t feel happy about being together… blame it on your relationship and life circumstances, instead of blaming them or yourself.
This will ease the blow on their heart and they won’t feel responsible for the situation. It’ll also calm them down to some level. Don’t attack them or yourself with harsh words.
If anything was extremely wrong, let the relationship take responsibility, not either of you.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
You can’t completely get rid of the breakup pain. They will feel bad despite your encouragement for a better life.
This process is incredibly difficult because you paint yourself the villain in the process. Probably, you don’t wanna hurt them either and feel even more pained about the failed relationship.
Seek your near and dear ones for emotional support during this phase. Don’t neglect or blame yourself for ending things. You decided the best for you both.
If you can’t cope with the breakup or want to reconnect, seek therapy to first gain control of your feelings. Take time to heal yourself and don’t begin a relationship too fast.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...