All about Abusive Relationships – Definition, Types, Signs, Recovery, etc.

I feel heartbroken and proud at the same time that you’re here to read about abusive relationships. 

The thought that you or your close one is an abuse victim breaks my heart, and I am proud because you took the first step to understand what’s going on and to fight for a healthy life. 

One abusive relationship can damage your self-esteem, snatch away your independence, and sadly even take your life. 

Your abuser won’t stop at “just one push” or “one demeaning word”. The more you tolerate your abuser, the more they get an opportunity to overpower you. 

I understand that you’re scared of some form of harm, or scared that people will judge you. But don’t wait until it’s too late.

Break free asap with all the information here… so without delay let’s find out…

Abusive Relationship Infographics

What is an abusive relationship?

Summary
Abusive relationships are unhealthy relationships where one of the two people overpower the other forcibly with physical, emotional, or financial authority.

The term abusive relationship defines an unhealthy relationship where one of the two people has complete control over the other person forcibly.

Though you can recognize the signs of physical or sexual abuse the best, emotional abuse is hard to identify. An abuser can also express their controlling behaviors with economic or verbal abuse.

Although there are significant patterns in abusive relationships each one is unique in its own way, so you might face difficulties recognizing your abusive relationship.

However, one common characteristic of abusers is saying they’re doing it for both of their welfare. They vouch they mean no harm to confuse you – the victim.

Also, anybody can become an abuser or an abuse victim irrespective of their age, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.

Moreover, abusers blame the victims for the abuse, when they are clearly at fault.

Any relationship will have conflicts, though it’s healthy only when both sides have equal rights to express themselves freely without any fear of the other’s backlash.

The basic difference between an abusive relationship and a healthy one is that one of the two will control the other’s actions and opinions completely.

Abusers use numerous strategies to suppress their victims. So, let’s learn to identify a few…

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Types of abusive relationships

Abusers know that people can catch onto their trail easily if they inflict only physical harm. So, they abuse you in a mixture of ways so that others can’t find what they do. 

Your abusive relationship might not stop at a single type, so don’t let go of any signs and raise your voice against it.

But first, let me help you identify all the types of abusive relationships.

1. Physically abusive relationships

Physical abuse includes physical contact with unwanted objects by one person to scare, injure, or threaten to kill the other. For instance:

• Slap, hit, push harshly, or kick you
• Bring close a burning or hot object near you to burn you
• Force you to take addictive substances like drugs or alcohol
• Refuse you medical aid or dictate your medication usage
• Strangle you
• Use sharp objects or firearms to scare or harm you
• Grab your face or arm harshly
• Lock you in
• Force you to accompany them
• Pull you by hair or clothes

If you are someone who is a victim of physical abuse, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800-787-3224.

2. Sexually abusive relationships

When a person forces you to do anything sexual, it’s sexual abuse. Sexual abuse includes all forced unwanted sexual activity like…

• Forcible touching, groping, or kissing
• Violently mating against your wishes
• Refusing to follow safe sex practices
• Preventing you from taking birth controls
• Intoxicating you to have sex
• Engaging in sex with you without your consent
• Threatening to have sex or sexual acts for basic rights
• Sexually insulting you
• Sexually assaults you
• Forcing you to have more sexual or intimate partners

If you survived through sexual assault, call the RAINN National Sexual Assult Hotline at 1800-656-4673 for professional support.

3. Emotionally abusive relationships

You might face difficulties picking on emotional abuse because the scars of emotional or mental abuse are invisible. For instance,

• Intimidate you
• Make you feel bad about your actions
• Make you lose confidence
• Refuse you to contact your friends and family
• Blame you for everything when they’re in a bad mood
• Play mind games to control your actions
• Make you fear something without saying anything
• Shame you for your body, intellect, or literally everything.
• Hit an inanimate object to make you fear their brute force
• Express toxic jealousy

If you or a loved one feels suicidal, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1800-273-8255 or 911 for immediate help.

4. Verbally abusive relationships

Verbal abuse is a kind of emotional or psychological abuse but your partner’s abusive tendencies include body language or words and they’re far more expressive. For instance,

• Call you names
• Criticize you unreasonably
• Passes negative remarks about your appearances, or capabilities
• Dictating your lifestyle, your clothes, jewelry, makeup
• Screams at you
• Points out embarrassing things about you in front of others
• Spreads rumors about you
• Says “You’re in trouble because of yourself”
• Threatens to harm you or loved ones if you don’t obey the,
• Gaslighting you and refusing any prior promises or statements

5. Financially abusive relationships

Financial abuse or economic abuse can happen when you depend on someone else either because they made you jobless or you can’t have your job, or they control your finances. For instance,

• Seeks answers for how did you use money
• Sabotage your job with unnecessary problems like frequent calls or forced leaves
• Sabotage your family’s or breadwinner’s business
• Intentionally pull down your credit score
• Harass you or your earning member on a professional stage
• Restrict you within an allowance
• Refuse you to use your money but use themselves
• Force you into joint bank accounts and overuse funds
• Refuse you the basic necessities
• Refusing you the freedom or rights to work or school

6. Digitally abusive relationships

Digital abusers don’t understand privacy and they go to great lengths to use technology to threaten others. They can be a random stranger online or your partner. For instance,

• They tell you who to add, remove or block in your social media
• Stalk your online activities
• Share disturbing messages or comments on your online posts
• Ask for sexual pictures (even foot pictures)
• Force you to share account credentials
• Threaten you to reply quickly or hurt someone
• Stalk you using GPS
• Check your call or message records to ensure you don’t do anything bad
• Sends threatening messages
• Share embarrassing content about you on your wall

7. Elder Abusive Relationships

Usually, people who live with their elders, harm them in multiple unimaginable ways, and it can take the form of any type of abuse mentioned above. For instance,

• Inflict physical violence on prior painful areas
• Humiliate them for being incapable of tending to themselves
• Wish their death in front of them because they’re a nuisance
• Inflict non-consensual sexual assaults on them
• Deny them medication so they die early
• Deny them food, clothing, or basic hygiene because it’s expensive
• Confine them in a room
• Force them to tend to themselves
• Pretend the victim abused the abuser to outsiders
• Deny them religious necessities

8. Child Abuse

Some caregivers mistreat their children, who don’t even understand abuse because they don’t fare well in school or life, and force them to think they’re doing it for their good. For instance,

• Physically hit them
• Strangle the child
• Burn their skin with hot objects
• Pull their hair, body, or clothes harshly
• Pinch them to make them obey
• Scare them with fire, sharp or pointed objects
• Make them forcefully swallow harmful chemicals
• Throw them from heights
• Criticize their disabilities
• Say hurtful words like their presence ruined the caregiver’s life or reputation

9. Child neglect

As if, child abuse isn’t enough, some caregivers treat their children as invisible and completely ignore their basic needs to grow up safely and healthily. For instance,

• Ignore their sicknesses
• Ignore their basic necessities like food, clothing
• Never support them emotionally
• Ignore them when they cry or wail
• Refuse them schooling
• Ignore them even when they play with sharp or dangerous objects
• Forget about a child alone at home
• Treat them like a servant
• Leave them at a relative’s place and not check for weeks
• Ignore their hygiene

10. Spiritually abusive relationships

A spiritual abuser not only disrespects your religion but hurts you using the theme of your religion. They find everything wrong with your religion. For instance,

• Mock your religious texts
• Questions the use of your religious activities
• Mocks your religious rules connected with your regular life
• Forces you to participate in activities against your religion
• Refuses you any place of worship
• Burns or taints your religious texts
• Contaminates your place of worship with anything your religion considers dirty
• Destroys your place of worship
• Attacks your religious beliefs
• Intentionally disturbs you during religious activities

11. Domestic abuse

A domestic violence and abuse victim might suffer from emotional, sexual, economic, or physical violence. It might even include a child or elder abuse. It occurs behind the closed doors of a household and usually, outsiders don’t step in because it’s their internal matter. For instance,

• Inflict violence against women, elderly, children, or even men
• Traumatize the victim with their rough tendencies
• Threatens you to obey them
• Deny financial aid if you don’t obey
• Threaten to hurt your loved ones

If you or a close one is a domestic abuse victim, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800-799-7233.

12. Bullying

When one or more people pick on you for some differences to inflict fear in them, you call it bullying. Bullies like all abusers want to gain the upper hand. For instance,

• Threaten you to obey them with brute force
• Threaten you with your secrets to obey them
• Provoke others to join in their actions
• Push or hurt you intentionally yet say it wasn’t intentional
• Belittle you for differences in race, age, gender, color, or financial background
• Treat you like a servant
• Force you to carry out errands
• Call you names because of your differences
• Imitate your disabilities to mock you
• Destroy your belongings

13. Stalking

A stalker follows all of your moves without your knowledge and makes you feel unsafe, and stalking is abuse too because you’re constantly afraid. It can be both physical and online. For instance,

• Send you unwanted or unanticipated gifts at your home, workplace, or anywhere you frequent
• Send you pictures, texts, and voice clips even when they’re not supposed to know that contact
• Surprisingly visit your workplace or home
• Call you, your workplace, house, loved ones
• Track your GPS, even let you know they’re around
• Follow your social media updates to visit you unannounced
• Intrude your house when you’re not around and leave a trace
• Follow you with private detectives
• Destroy your personal property when they mustn’t know your whereabouts
• Leave unwanted comments on all of your social media posts at once

14. Immigration status abuse

If you’re an immigrant and your abusive partner isn’t, they have multiple ways to abuse you with your immigration status. For instance,

• Ruin your immigration documents
• Threaten to harm your family and friends in the native land
• Deny you learning the local language
• Threaten to deport loved ones back
• Misinform you to refuse basic rights
• Mislead you about local laws to trouble you
• Trick you into using substances legal in native land but illegal in the locality
• Mock you in local language publicly
• Insult you in local language and say it was nothing
• Force you to dress in local attire even if you’re uncomfortable

Now you know all the types, let me help you identify a few signs to find out whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship.

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Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Your abuser might not do anything extremely hurtful to you and you let it pass, thinking it’s a joke. However, that’s the beginning of an abusive relationship. 

You bear the small insults, light hits… hope it’ll stop… however it never stops. 

So, if you notice anything from this list, it’s a BIG red flag. Pick up the onus and raise your voice mate. You deserve better!

But before that, let me give you a sneak-in to the signs.

Physical Signs

1. They love blood

When they fight with you or an outsider, or even when they’re jealous, they scratch you or hurt you with sharp or pointed objects. They calm down only when you hurt, scream and bleed.

2. They use make-up as an excuse

After fights, they say they’re sorry and they’ll stop feeling guilty only if you let them brush or straighten your hair. Once you do, they pull your hair or burn you with appliances.

3. They ground you unnecessarily

Though you’re an adult, your partner grounds you because they suspect you made unethical friends or you’ll understand your wrongdoings only if they ground you. Baseless? Well, that’s how they swing.

4. You wish you were a child

They think you’re naïve and belittle your awareness about their cruel world. They hit you because that’s how they punish children. Sometimes you only wish to return to childhood.

5. They fantasize about hurting you

When you’re in the kitchen, they terrorize you “If the food isn’t on par, you know what’s going on that flame next?” or, “I swear I’ll chop your fingers if I find hair in my salad”.

6. You can’t entrust them to the kitchen

Whenever they cook, your allergies worsen, and always find some allergic ingredients in your food. They say they didn’t mean it or didn’t know you’ll react to such a small quantity.

7. They suddenly have a doctor’s license

One of the warning signs is when they refuse you medication or force you to use unknown ones. They say it’s for your good, but never tell you the medicine name or uses.

8. They’ll create reasons to apologize

After an argument, if they must apologize, they will but only after slapping you or hitting you. They make you regret asking for apologies from them. After all, they’re too mighty.

9. They can’t walk properly

Whenever you both go out together, they usually stick their leg out or step on your shoes repeatedly even when there’s enough space. You possibly hurt yourself multiple times too.

10. They blame it on their incompetence

Sometimes, the abuser pleads to cook with you… however, by the time you finish cooking, you receive many burns in the kitchen. They say that they didn’t mean to pour hot water on you.

Emotional signs

11. “I deserve respect!”

Emotional abusers make you feel afraid and force you to respect them irrespective of their actions. Even if they’re at fault, you mustn’t talk disrespectfully.

12. They have a right to Interfere

“You don’t need friends and family when I’m here,” says every abusive partner. Your partner feels they must be the only valuable person in your life so they cancel all your engagements without your consent.

13. They blame it on you

When you accuse them of abuse, they lay a 180 on you to blame you for abusing them. They might say “You’re the abuser in our relationship, all the fight starts with you”.

14. They answer disobedience with apathy

When you don’t obey them or upset them, they’ll physically or sexually distance themselves until you feel immense guilt. They’ll make you beg for their affection to punish your defiance.

15. They instigate others against you

They tell your family and friends or even colleagues that you’re mentally unstable or not the person you pretend to be. Your partner’s abusive tendencies know no bounds when they want to corner you.

16. Everything else but you is interesting

When you talk to them, they’ll focus on some other work to ignore you intentionally. They silently express that your thoughts don’t matter to them.

17. You’re too precious for the world

When you have some engagements, they’ll show you immense love to stay back or stir troubles to cancel your plans. They’ll do anything to stop you from socializing.

18. They neglect your heart-wrenching sobs

When you desperately need them by your side, they ignore you or even smile and laugh at you. They enjoy a twisted pleasure when you suffer. Even if you break down, they don’t care.

19. They turn the tide on you

Whenever you say that they’re making needless drama in the relationship, they try to make you feel confused with guilt. They give reasons on how you made them angry and they lost their calm.

20. They’re a pro-gaslighter

For instance, you asked them why they didn’t take out the trash, they say it was your day to take it out. They convince you so badly that you feel confused about your mental health.

21. They’re purer than the Thames

When you express that they exhibit abusive behaviors they show a shocked expression. They’ll deny that they ever abused you or that you misunderstood them and get away from the situation.

22. You wait for the consequences

They demanded that you stop talking to any co-worker of the opposite gender. Since that’s not possible, suppressing their anger isn’t possible either. They hit you because your disobedience “hurt” them.

23. They’re competitive at discouraging

When you try out new activities because you felt like it, they say “You can’t do that with so much weight.”  However, they can’t stand you being happy on your own.

24. They include others in their stories

Whenever they want to attack you, they don’t stop at themselves, they say “Do you know how people call you a wh**e?” They use these tricks to convince you of the accusations.

25. They demean elders

They talk about their or your parents with “Oh they can fetch for themselves, they’re only pretending”.  Or, they ignore the elders themselves and discourage or prevent you from caring for them.

26. They belittle your appearance

You put on your best gown, dolled up, just before you set off, they say, “I’m sure you’re more capable than this, but we’ll make do with this”. They know how to pull down your confidence.

27. You’re way inferior to them

They make important decisions about your life and don’t even ask your opinion or inform you. They refuse your job offer or turn down a family member’s request because they know better.

28. They lecture you

When they find you at fault or you displease them, they don’t miss a beat to lecture. Though you’re a responsible adult, some partners feel their S.O lives at their mercy.

29. You hear the ticking of a bomb

Be it in public or private, you’re always cautious of your steps. If you do something wrong according to their definition, you know they won’t hold back from disrespecting you anywhere.

30. You’re responsible for both of your faults

Your partner’s abusive side disturbs you but whenever you speak out, they retaliate with “You’re too sensitive and always pick on me”. They’ll say you both were fine until you began the fight.

Sexual signs

31. They blame the liquor

They attack you in bed even without consent and hurt you during the act. When you complain the next day, they deny it and say they were drunk, though they didn’t smell of booze.

32. They take extensive steps for your body

They bargain your basic rights in personal or professional life (like a promotion or pay) to get into your pants. This might be someone who isn’t your intimate partner.

33. Sex is more about anger now

Whenever you guys disagree, they force you into angry sex to shut you in the middle of an important conversation. They torment you until you lose your consciousness.

34. They force their kink

If your partner forced you to try a sexual act without your consent because they want it and you’ll definitely like it, that’s abuse too. Don’t let them tell you they did it because you liked it.

35. They’re inappropriate in public

If your partner sexually touches you publicly, even when you refuse them, know they don’t respect you. They possibly get sick pleasure from such inappropriate actions.

36. They force bare-back

When you ask them to use protection during sex, they make excuses that they feel better bare-back so they won’t entertain your idea. No matter how much you plead them they don’t budge.

37. Women are breeding machines

They snatch away your contraceptives because being a woman/wife it’s your duty to bear children for them. They force you to sacrifice your work or school for conception.

38. Multiple partners is the trend

They force you to have sex with multiple partners because orgies are cool, or because their boss promised them a promotion if you accepted this proposal.

39. They find sexual insults hot

They insult you sexually because that turns them on. Even if you plead them to stop because you’re uncomfortable, they still pass crass comments about your genitals or loyalty to them.

40. They hold back on lube

They use uncomfortably big toys in bed. However, when you plead with them to use lube, they don’t allow you to. Even if you bring lube yourself, they destroy it or hide it from you.

Digital Signs

41. They unplug and plug-in on their own will

If you disagree or argue over a call, they switch off their cell phone, block your phone numbers, or listen to music when you talk face-to-face.

42. You aren’t entitled to digital privacy

When you’re on call, or when you reply to a text, they’ll make their presence obvious with distractions or even demand to show the texts or turn on the speakers.

43. They check your work mails

Sometimes you overlook your new work mails because they were opened already. You later found out that your partner checked all of your mails behind your back, possibly to see if you’re cheating.

44. Their rules make no sense

They confiscate your cell phone because you’re cheating, going astray, or ignoring them. When you receive your phone, you find all of your contacts, messages deleted because they found it fishy.

45. Your replies prove your innocence

If you’re too busy to reply to their texts or receive their calls, you’re busy cheating on them. You feel you must stick to your phone all the time to avoid abusive situations.

46. They play your manager

They dictate what you mustn’t post on your social media, who you can text, how much skin you can show online. If you don’t obey them, you’re a wh**e.

47. They exhaust payment plans

If you don’t have unlimited plans for your smartphones, they exhaust your plans themselves so that you can’t contact your loved ones. This is another trick to isolate you from the world.

Verbal Signs

48. Your basic needs = Clinginess

Whenever you ask them to help you, they say “Why must I always spoon-feed you? Must I babysit you full-time?” They make you feel insufficient and weak whenever you need support.

49. They don’t hide their insults

If they always insult you with words like idiot, rustic, dumb, or anything demeaning on your face and sometimes even include others on their petty fun, that’s a warning sign.

50. You feel you’re always wrong

When you share your thoughts and emotions about something you think isn’t normal, they dismiss it with “You got it all wrong” or, “Your thoughts are baseless”.

51. They attack you jokingly

If you object to their negative remarks, they say “Can’t you take a joke for once?” Or, they accuse you of having a poor sense of humor. You know it’s an intentional and repetitive pattern.

52. You can’t have any filters

They demand all of your account credentials else they don’t believe your loyalty. They check your messages, call history, all the comments to your posts, and misunderstand you.

53. Your family members are their pawns

They threaten you to obey them else they might hurt your child, or disable a sick parent. They say “I know how to kill you and not hurt YOU at all”.

54. They accuse you of cheating

Whenever they see someone else around you or text you, they suspect you of infidelity and speak profanities at you like “I know what you do when I’m busy, don’t deny the truth”.

55. They murder your spirit

Suppose you returned late for your work, they say “My friends’ partners always have time for them, while you ALWAYS run late”. They make you believe you’re really a bad person and feel miserable.

56. Their volume speaks volumes

When they know you’re right and they can’t win over the argument anymore, they scream, curse, or even break objects to scare you. You give up expressing anymore because of their antics.

57. You receive mockery for achievements

When you rush to them with your degree they never encourage, and say “Sweetie, that makes you happy? You’re not even capable of making good food for me.”

58. Even pets get better names

When they call you “my sexy balloon” because you’re chubby clearly implies they’re mocking your weight. Or, “my little elf” for a short person is equally derogating.

59. You’re the root of ALL the problems

They attack you with “You’ve changed”, “You ruined my business with your interference”, “If only I didn’t see your face that morning”. Everything is your fault whether you do or don’t do anything.

60. They blame your sensitivity

Whenever you share any feelings, they say “Why are you so sensitive? Well, sorry but you must face the real world and can’t play princess”. They accuse you of being too soft.

Financial Signs

61. They destroy your property

Sometimes they smash your precious belongings, wreck your car, max out your card and deny it completely. They use these petty tactics to snatch away your independence.

62. They send you off to guilt-trips

When you question their actions, they’ll reason out with “Do you know how much I sacrificed for you? Yet you still find me disappointing.” They’re great because they provide for you.

63. They fish you with money

If you’re financially dependent, they’ll want you to give proper reasons for needing money, ask the exact amount you need or even lash out when you don’t return the remaining.

64. You’re too prodigal for them

They believe you can’t handle money so take control over the finances and ask you for details on spending. They also cease your cards and take away all the remaining money.

65. You got more space than needed

They visit you at your workplace uninvited at unwanted hours. When you ask them to stop, they think you’re cheating on them with coworkers. They say you must be lucky they’ve allowed you to work.

66. They treat attendants better

They treat you like a slave because they have financial control in your relationship. Or, they order you “Bring me my glasses this instant”, else you know what might go wrong.

67. Your child’s tuition goes missing

If you lost your child’s tuition money repeatedly yet were sure where you kept it, then someone is stealing it from you. The abuser wants to snatch away all the money from you.

68. They don’t have money

Whenever you need money even if it’s for medical purposes only, they refuse you money or make excuses like they don’t have cash on them or the ATM isn’t working.

69. Your allowance is plenty

Instead of letting you work, they say “Make do with the allowance, what useless things do you need now?” You don’t have the freedom to earn money or ask extra for them.

70. They threaten you for money

You always choose from “Either your child’s safety or the money”. If you’re the only working person in the family, they might use your loved ones to extort money out of you.

Perhaps, it’s been on your mind, where did I go wrong? Did I really hurt them? Maybe if I change, my life will be better. Well, let’s check out the next part…

(Hint: It’s not your fault)

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Why do people abuse?

Your abuser might have a number of reasons for their abusive tendencies. However, they never mention the real one, instead, blame you for everything. That’s one common abusive pattern, so never doubt yourself.

Let’s get down to some possible causes…

1. They’re hungry for control

Control freaks only want the obvious – complete control over the other person. They want to have the ultimate power in the relationship and demand royal treatment from the other.

They’re ready to shoot down anybody who defies them. They don’t understand true leadership and only want benefits.

2. It is a mental issue

They might get a twisted pleasure from hurting or seeing another wincing in pain or crying and this is a disorder called sadism. They use their victims as a piece of entertainment.

These people only prioritize their never-ending greed for pleasure from others’ pain.

3. They faced abusive situations

If they suffered physical or sexual abuse in childhood, they might still search for occasions to prove they’re strong subconsciously. They want to hurt their abuser but make do with anybody in front of them.

Or, they think lightly of abuse as they lived through it.

4. They can’t control their anger

People with anger issues seek ways to release pent-up emotions. Usually, the reason behind their problems is a traumatic situation which they never resolved.

Whenever they feel angry, they damage properties or even hit others to calm their nerves.

5. They learned it from screen

Nowadays, the entertainment business shows anything unethical or wrong and poses it in a romantic or positive light. Your abuser possibly grew up watching disturbing shows and applies that in real life.

They lack common sense about the difference between real and reel life

6. They think you owe them

Some people perceive their family neither as their equal nor as a different individual. They expect their family to be their identical copy. They want you to do exactly as perfect or good as them.

When you can’t answer their expectations, they abuse you for defiance.

7. They lived with an addicted person

Addicts give up on life and blame others for their unsuccessful life which makes psychological scars on their victims.

If your abuser was close to an addict, they have some unresolved issues from old times. So, they abuse you to release the suppressed anger.

8. They suffer from phobias

Some people fear anything so bad, that they feel their partner/family must obey them else something will go wrong in their life.

They feel a compulsion to make things a particular way without any questions.

9. They’re burnt out

When people break down after a long fight in their life, suppressed emotions seep through every pore of their body.

If your abuser suffers a mental breakdown, they’ll express their emotions in the worst ways and destroy everyone and everything around them.

10. They’re void of emotions

Some people don’t understand emotions (another disorder). They don’t care how the person on the opposite side feels.

When they can’t feel a thing, they don’t understand what hurts their victims. They possibly grew up believing emotions are useless.

Before you sympathize with your abuser or decide to stay back in your abusive relationship, dig into…

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Effects of abusive relationships

All kinds of abusive relationships scar you emotionally and take a toll on your confidence. You might think you can help your abuser with your love… but that’s not true. 

Because the abuse almost makes you incapable of rational thinking. Other than that, let’s find out how abuse impacts you physically, emotionally, or even mentally.

1. Impact of Physical abuse

A physical abuse victim regularly receives hits or any hurtful physical contact from the abuser, so they have bruises all over their body at different stages of recovery.

Female victims of physical violence suffer a little differently from male ones. For instance, the constant blows lead to backaches, whereas the fear and stress of receiving the blows lead to headaches.

Females with abusive partners are found to suffer from anxiety disorders and depression much higher than females with non-abusive partners.

Victims might also suffer from anorexia or bulimia, PTSD, and stress because of the animalistic behavior.

Some victims might face difficulties sleeping, fall asleep at odd times, or even struggle with insomnia.

However, some people try to cope with physical abuse with addictive substances which leads to other health issues.

They might also have a hard time focussing on regular life or become unproductive in work or school.

2. Impact of Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse victims suffer from immense mental pressure because of the abuser’s mood swings. The abusers don’t do much physically yet scar the victim inside out.

The victims suffer from anxiety disorders, depression, or even new phobias. They might depend on drugs and alcohol to cope up with the situation.

However, some people feel so miserable that they give up on dreams or the regular stream of life, harm themselves, or even engage with multiple intimate partners.

The constant emotional or psychological abuse results in some mental illness in the victims.

The worst effect you might observe in an emotional abuse victim is suicidal tendencies, which usually start with subtle suicidal thoughts and hints of self-harm.

3. Impact of Sexual Abuse

When somebody forces a person to engage in unwanted sexual practices, the victim might suffer from hazardous effects both physically and emotionally.

They feel dirty or too guilty to show up to the world, although they’re the victim. A sexual abuse victim feels it very often because of the stigma against sex or rape in society.

People blame the victims for wearing exposing clothes or alluring the abuser, so the victim believes that nobody will support them, and perhaps, people will judge them too.

Such victims have hardships continuing long-term relationships due to mental illnesses like anxiety disorders or depression.

They suffer from bad sleep patterns, a dysfunctional sexual life, or even PTSD.

Sexual victims too become suicidal when they find nobody at their side or others disrespecting or joking about their experiences.

4. Impact of Financial Abuse

Financial abuse victims suffer both emotionally and psychologically because of their dependence on a partner for their basic needs and their partner refuses to provide for them.

They fear using too much from their partner’s resources and try to save money to please their partner.

Female financial abuse victims are more common than male ones. They suffer from continuous anxiety and stress of saving money.

They feel caged in their household either because they don’t have a job or their partners sabotaged it, which also leads to depression.

If a couple has children, the financially dependent one faces difficulties providing the child’s basic needs as well.

If you don’t know why a close one can’t easily step away from their abusive relationships, this will help you understand…

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Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

If you can’t figure out why that one person doesn’t break up with their partner and put an end to their abusive relationship, then let me clear this… It’s not because they “love” them or “can’t bear to part” with them.

Sometimes, they do have proper reasons like these…

1. People PROMISE It gets better

The older generation lived in an era when nobody looked down on abuse, or people hardly expressed their pain.

They noticed others silently accepting the blows and getting used to it or even dying. They confuse you about unhealthy and healthy relationships so you stay back.

2. You forgot you can fly

Emotional abuse victims lose confidence in their capabilities and think they can’t achieve anything. Moreover, since you never receive physical blows, you can’t identify the abuse immediately.

Mostly, people pardon the abuse because they don’t have bruises, so they compromise and forget about their capabilities.

3. You’re high on the Cycle of Abuse

If you didn’t notice, your abuser abuses you, treats you well for some time and repeats it. Every time you expect that things will get better and extend your abusive relationship span.

You forgive your abuser whenever they treat you nicely as you crave it.

4. You fear the consequences

Leaving an abusive partner can become life-threatening if they’re that crazy. You possibly stay back because you don’t want them to hunt you down after leaving an abusive relationship.

Some abusers can’t handle rejection and kill for revenge for disrespect from the victim.

5. The cycle of control is unbreakable

Perhaps, you tried leaving your abusive relationship multiple times, however, you can’t break free from their control. They use your loved ones as a bargain to stay back in your relationship.

You accept their bad behavior to keep your loved ones.

6. Society shames your decision

Precisely, people from previous generations look down on you for giving up on your relationship so fast.

They glorify times when they served their families without food for days and expect the same from you. You can’t but love your partner for society’s sake.

7. You didn’t notice the gaslighting

If your partner is good at playing mind games, they’ll always shift the blame on you and your mind will trick you into believing their accusations.

You believe that you did something wrong which led to the abuse, but forget that abuse isn’t a result but a choice.

8. You believe they’ll change

If you make excuses for your abuser, believe that it’s a phase because of stress or they’ll improve if you bear with them, then you misunderstood your situation.

You hope too much from someone who can’t respect you as an equal.

9. You’re badly tangled

Perhaps, you have children or they have control over your finances so you can’t leave the relationship. You depend on them to provide for you and your loved ones.

However, some stay back only to prevent a messy situation in their social circles like friends or colleagues.

10. What will people say?

Perhaps you fear that others will misunderstand or look down on you for leaving behind your loved one and being happy on your own.

If you walk away from your abusive parents, people will reprimand you for irresponsibility towards elders. You don’t leave to avoid such situations.

Now that you understand how wrong it is to stay back in an abusive relationship, prepare yourself for the next step…

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How to get out of an abusive relationship?

Breaking up or getting away from an abuser isn’t as easy, and as a victim, you know that best. Always keep your plans and ideas of leaving them a secret.

Don’t tell your children or any bed-ridden elder about your plans lest they slip it out. 

To help you with it, I have written a step-by-step guide on how to get out of an abusive relationship.

Step 1: Note every incident

If your abuser denies they did anything to you or convinces you that you hallucinate, then record all occurrences as soon as they happen. You’ll catch onto their mind games easily this way.

Also, if needed, your journal can help you lodge a restraining order or proceed with a case against them.

You can also secretly video-record the scene using your smartphone. However, if they check your phone frequently, delete it after you send the file to someone.

Step 2: Steal if you must

If you don’t have a job or any financial aid, pave your own way.

You can’t leave without any money on your hands, so even if it feels unethical, steal a small amount of money multiple times a day from your abuser’s wallet.

They won’t catch on to you if the amount is about a tenth of the money.

However, if you can, hop onto some job secretly and save in a new account.

Step 3:  Gather some necessities

Before you leave an abuser, ensure you pack up everything important, your ID’s, enough money or even jewelry, the journal or video records of abuse, and necessary medicines.

If you have other family members who must flee with you, pack their important belongings too.

Remember that your lives are more important so leave back anything that might slow down your run.

Don’t pack too much clothing or increase luggage. Keep the luggage out of your abuser’s reach.

Step 4: Confide in your loved ones

Firstly, you don’t know who might backbite you so never do the safety planning without tapping onto their thoughts.

Confide your emotions with your loved ones and notice how they react. If they guide you to stay back, they aren’t your aid.

If anyone shares similar thoughts about leaving, then share the plan with them.

However, they won’t believe you’re ready to leave if you fail to leave even after asking them, so hold your ground.

Step 5. Build the safety plan

Once you find your allies, create the plan. If you already have one, ask their perspectives on your safety planning to make it invincible.

Choose the time to leave, route, halts, jobs, and look up abuse victim’s shelters. Also, if someone can pick you up, that’s great, however, you’ll endanger their lives.

Don’t delay the planning else you’ll give your abuser more chances to abuse you until you work on it.

Step 6: Create some safety words for emergency

If your abuser catches on to your plan, they might try shutting you for good. Honestly, you can’t guess what’s coming for you next so you must alert your close ones about the situation.

However, you can’t tell them directly what’s wrong, so for adverse situations, create a safe word that is uncommon for your loved ones, but common to the abuser. 

They can call the police on your behalf asap after that.

Step 7: Plan very discreetly

When you browse details about leaving them, even if you’re reading this article from your device, delete the history and other activity about these searches.

If your abuser frequently checks your account, browse through some random unrelated videos and content to avoid suspicions.

You can also surf only through incognito modes for better safety, use only internet cafes, or get a disposable cell phone for it. They might have trackers or cameras in the house, so beware.

Step 8: Be Flexible

If you find yourself in trouble or things get unbearable, you might need a change of plans. Take your packed necessities in your bag and flee instantly.

When your abuser catches onto your planning, that might become your last day in this world or your last day to free yourself.

It doesn’t matter what condition you’re in, get yourself and your children out of the scene to flee. Don’t think about what you left behind, focus on your lives.

Step 9: Burn down the bridges

Once you escape from your abuser, don’t allow them to contact you. Block their contact, keep your whereabouts secret, don’t fall for their apologies or promises to change their behavior.

Many victims give into emotions and return to their abuser under the misconception that they’ll begin their dream life.

But the abuse worsens from that point, and sometimes it turns fatal for the victim.

Never check on them, if you left behind loved ones, seek professional help.

Step 10: File charges against them

Hopefully, you gathered enough evidence of the abuse before you left them for good.

However, it’s not safe to leave a rabid dog open in society. They might attack you once they find your whereabouts or workplace.

Lodge criminal charges against your abuser and try applying for a restraining order on them. Though, they might attack you despite any order so always keep 911 or any helpline on your speed dial.

They might stop if you show you got support.

If you deeply care for your abuser and want to give it one last shot, here’s something for you.

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How to fix an abusive relationship?

If you can’t bear to part with your abuser and stand against all odds, you must surely take a chance. However, don’t risk your life.

Moreover, before you begin this journey, don’t expect too much out of it. You can’t unilaterally change the situation. 

To change your life, firstly…

Step 1: Track the abuse

If your abuser doesn’t inflict physical or sexual pain, you might take longer than you think to understand their abusive behaviors.

Check on the warning signs of abusive relationships and double-check your suspicions.

Accept that this isn’t a phase and more love will not change their tendencies. You deserve basic respect so claim that.

Step 2: Choose a light mood

If you’re in the middle of a fight and tell them they hurt you or you’re scared, that will only fuel their abusive tendencies. batshit

Always pick a time when you’re in good mood, or around a lot of people, so they don’t go batsh*t crazy.

Step 3: Seek mental health professionals

Take a mental health expert’s opinion on how to proceed with this conversation more on neutral ground so they don’t get too defensive or react negatively.

If they hurt you as soon as you start the conversation, you’ll never resolve this issue. Also, find ways to control your emotions from the expert as you can’t show any weakness.

Step 4: Stick to your values

Your abuser might get defensive, blame you, or even convince you that it’s for your good or that you’re hallucinating. Well, that’s where you can’t give in.

Never side-track the conversation or let their ideas overpower you. Even if they say it’s because they love you, don’t melt, that’s a trap!

Step 5: Convince the abuser

Usually, abusers convince you of the normalcy of their abuse, however, it’s time to reverse roles. Convince them with “I” statements like “I’m afraid when you do that, so let’s change our communication strategies”.

Make them admit that they’re at fault and not you. If they want to change, they’ll agree to get couples’ therapy.

Step 6: Get some therapy

If your abuser truly cares, wants to fix the relationship, they will not object to medical help. However, you must also undergo therapy along with them.

Your abuser scarred you emotionally and perhaps physically too, so don’t ignore your situation. If you must, fix an abusive relationship together and tend to your wounds too.

Step 7: Disrupt the pattern

Your abuser follows a cycle of hurting you, and you accept whatever comes your way. Once you begin your journey to fix an abusive relationship, never give in to their abusive behaviors.

Though, silently accepting the torture is an easy feat, you can’t reach your goal that way. Leave them whenever they cross the boundaries.

Step 8: Identify the roots

If you know the cause of their abusive tendencies, you might find ways to fix them better. For instance, if it’s linked with childhood trauma, it’ll come in handy during your therapist’s appointments.

Also, you can avoid landmines if you’re certain about the causes. However, don’t skip therapy and choose avoidance for the long-term treatment.

Step 9: Learn to accept if the plan fails

Abusive relationships are worse than toxic relationships, so don’t keep your hopes high about fixing this one either. Whether it’ll work out, it greatly depends on the abuser too.

No matter how much you bonded with them over the years, don’t pacify an abusive relationship forever. If you don’t observe positive changes, it’s time to leave them.

Step 10: Concentrate on yourself

Amidst a toxic relationship, you lose yourself, your desire to fly in an open sky, or even your faith in your wings to fly in the open.

I feel sorry that you suffered for so long. Possibly you don’t remember the last time you felt good either.

But hey, it’ll be soon over, have faith in your wings. Tons of opportunities await you at the end of this journey.

Don’t miss them, and hop onto a new journey of…

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Recovering from an abusive relationship

Even if your life seems dull and you can’t find a shred of hope to cling to, believe in yourself.

Nobody in this world leads a vain life, and you will become someone great, someone, this world needs… perhaps someone who will help out many more abuse victims.

But first, let’s begin to…

Step 1: Heal your wounds

If your abuser was a romantic partner, you might immediately seek another relationship. Many people do that to fill the void inside them.

However, the void never fills and you always feel guilty about it.

Never forget that your unresolved feelings from your past relationship might haunt the new one. You might fear your new partner and hurt their feelings.

Step 2: Differentiate between an abusive and healthy relationship

Throughout your abusive relationship, everyone convinced you it was normal, which played with your mind. 

Perhaps you can’t understand what’s wrong or what’s right in your relationship.

If you know the difference, you can build healthy boundaries in your future relationships too. So, invest more time to understand the differences.

Step 3: You have all the time

Mate, don’t hurry the process… you’re broken inside, neither unfixable nor destroyed. You lost a lot of time in your abusive relationship, so it’s time to invest equal time in yourself.

If you rush at this point, you’ll never clearly learn the toxic and abusive signs. Take some time so that you don’t ever fall into traps.

Step 4: Be mindful of triggers

For instance, if your abuser burned you with cigarettes – cigarette smells or even its sight might remind you of the abusive relationship.

Identify what exactly triggers your mind or results in a panic attack.

Suppose someone around you smokes… If the smell triggers you, talk to them about it to find a coping mechanism.

Step 5: Recover faster with professional aid

Sometimes, you can’t handle the pain all on your own, even if you have loved ones beside you. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to seek mental health experts.

Experts can help you heal through your tough situations with higher efficiency. They’ll pinpoint your triggers and teach you how to deal with them.

Step 6: Build or seek support groups

If your abusive partner obstructed you from meeting with your loved ones, you might feel out of touch. Perhaps you feel awkward talking to them and think it’s better to keep your distance.

That’s a bad idea because if you mingle with them and share your pain, you’ll be able to focus elsewhere and eventually heal.

Step 7: Indulge in self-love

You probably blame yourself for overlooking the obvious signs… but hey, you’re no expert either. So, forgive yourself and embrace all the ‘flaws” once again.

Learn that your “flaws” are your power… show yourself the love they refused you because you deserve it.

You won’t learn it in a day, but don’t ignore your heart, it needs your love and attention.

Step 8: Begin afresh

Don’t stop yourself from falling in love once again. Trust yourself, others, and your instincts. If you want to start a healthy relationship, remember these three foundations of trust.

If you ever notice a pattern or sign of an abusive relationship, that’s a warning sign for you.

However, don’t hide from love because someone might be abusive.

Step 9: Express your desires

Once you engage in a new relationship, never stop expressing yourself.

Whether you love them, or something scares you. Whether something triggers an old memory, or you never thought you can be happy again.

Everything you say, counts, so express your heart out, for your own sake. Build a relationship with trust, communication, and your personal language of love.

Step 10: Find your dream relationship

If you’re not ready for a relationship, but your potential partner insists, don’t give in to the pressure. An abuse victim usually falls prey to similar tactics repeatedly because they can’t speak out.

Jot down what you want in a relationship before you hop into one. Tell your prospective partner that you’ll get into this ride only if they agree to it.

However, if your loved one is an abuse victim and not you, here’s how you can help them.

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How to help someone in an abusive relationship?

If you want to help an abuse victim, then remember to make rational and unbiased decisions. Your loved one might have accepted this abuse as a part of life and it will take some real convincing to help them.

They’re already frustrated with their situation, so it doesn’t add up to their worries.

Firstly, you must…

Step 1: Lend them your shoulder

Stay beside them when they need you and express your support. Validate their feelings verbally. Let them know you believe in them and will stay beside them till the end.

When the world expects them to accept the abuse, tell them they’re nobody’s toy. Sometimes listening to small, kind words can do wonders.

Step 2: Don’t say “Told ya”

Never say that you always knew they’ll meet this fate or they’re a poor judge of human character. Such comments will shame them for their decisions and they’ll stop sharing anything.

Don’t judge them for the fact that they allowed someone to inflict abuse on them. They’re a victim, don’t rub their helplessness on their face. Don’t make any rash decisions without proper planning.

Step 3: Reassure your support

Suppose the victim had a bad history with you, or they simply assume that you won’t understand, reassure them.

Tell them that you get the issue and you won’t neglect them because of your past fight.

Tell them you forgave them a long time back and it doesn’t matter anymore. Create a safe space for the victim.

Step 4: Lace honesty with kindness

Sometimes abuse victims don’t understand their actions like showing weakness provokes the abuser. Even if you notice that never blame them or say “It happens because you let them”.

They’ll fall in a pit of self-blame and never come out of it. Always be gentle with all of your decisions. Don’t make them feel any worse.

Step 5: Help them but wisely

Always double-check before mentioning any idea to counter the abuse. Think twice if your idea will really help the victim or worsen the situation.

Never give ideas like poisoning or hitting them back with the same weapons. Such ideas are not only inappropriate but can also endanger the victim if the plan goes wrong.

Step 6: Spill the truth, but gently

The victim believes all the lies of the abuser like… Nobody wants you, You’re a pain for your parents, Everyone makes fun of you.

The victim believes them like a holy grail, so take the responsibility and spill the reality to them. Most of what the abuser told them were lies and the victim is wonderful.

Step 7: Set an example

The victim doesn’t know what a healthy or normal relationship is. The abuser taught them that abusive relationships are normal so let’s show them “healthy”.

Respect the boundaries of the victim, say, if they request you to stop contacting them… then stop.

They’ll probably get in trouble if you contact them too frequently.

Step 8: Brush up your knowledge

Nobody expects you to know everything, so gather more information about unknown facts. Perhaps, contact an abuse victim’s shelter and know how to help your loved one.

Learn how to support them in various situations or stages of an abusive relationship. If they’re an emotional abuse victim, learn to soothe their emotions with simple steps.

Step 9: Create a safety plan

Once your loved one is open and ready for it, talk to them about a safety plan. Tell them that they must collect evidence, money, and crucial necessities before they escape from the place.

Find them a new job if they don’t have one and talk about the important steps to protect themselves throughout the situation.

Step 10: Seek expert help

When nothing seems to work, or your loved one faces a fatal situation, immediately call for help. Don’t wait for the signal from the other side, they might be unable to give you one.

Better take the step and tear the victim apart from the abuser, than wait until something goes wrong beyond any fixes.

If you face difficulties relating to an abuse victim, you may want to know more about the subject. Here are some suggestions…

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Books about abusive relationships

If you or a loved one is an abuse victim, or you want to learn how to identify an abusive relationship from a healthy one, you don’t need to dig in boring texts. 

Perhaps, you can find what you seek in one of these tragic abusive relationship books…

1. One Little Secret: A Novel

It a fiction about three couples from the same neighborhood out on a vacation. However, due to some secret abusive relationships, all of them don’t return after the vacation.

2. But I Love Him (Amanda Grace)

A little girl blinded by love tangles herself into an abusive relationship with a man. If you want to know how much an abuse victim can forgive and forget, don’t miss this one.

3. When Nothing Matters (Valeria Lopes)

A 19th-century Brazilian plot about how a wealthy family meets its ruins because of greed for money, and slaves, and uses their daughter as a pawn to protect himself.

4. The Last Cotillion (Thadeus Parkland)

A tale of two women who fight their fate of abuse and disrespect. This is a must-read for any abuse victim, to gather their courage once again and thrive to survive.

5. Led Astray: A Crime Thriller (Karlianna Voncil)

A plot beginning with monstrous child abuse against the protagonist shows how abuse impacts a little one and carves a hopeless future filled with crimes for them.

After all the information, if you’re still standing on two roads, here’s a quick…

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Am I in an Abusive Relationship Quiz?

If you’re still unsure about abuse in your relationship, take this quiz. This is your shortcut to understand your relationship better.

Also, if you don’t have much time on your hand because of their abusive tendencies, this will cost you less time. 

Don’t delay and quickly answer them…

1. Do they stop you from meeting your loved ones?

2. Do they stop you from studying or working?

3. Do they stalk you or keep tabs on your activity?

4. Do they randomly and falsely accuse you of cheating on them or attracting other people?

5. Do they insult you regularly for your “shortcomings”, no matter how much you try?

6. Do you fear them?

7. Do you act or behave to their likings not because you want it, but because of their comments or actions?

8. Did they intentionally ever damage your property?

9. Did they ever threaten to hurt your loved ones or hurt them?

10. Did they ever deny you money, food, or basic necessities to you and your family to the point of lending from others?

11. Did they force you to apply for loans under your name for them?

12. Did they ever force you to do anything you hated?

13. Did they ever deny or stop you from receiving medical help?

14. Did they ever threaten to get deported due to your immigration status?

15. Did they ever threaten to hide your children or send them far away out of your sight if you dared to leave?

16. Did they force you to commit sexual activities with them or others?

17. Did they force you to engage in uncomfortable sexual activities?

18. Did they ever intentionally lock you in the house?

19. Do they blame you, their family, addictive substance, or mental illness for their tendencies?

20. Do they force you to take addictive substances?

If you replied “Yes” even once in this quiz, know that you’re in an abusive relationship.

I’m sure you still have something more to ask. Don’t worry, because I got your back.

FAQs about Abusive Relationships

You have every reason to lose your calm and shoot several questions now that you got a chance. You can’t comprehend your emotions, and I understand that. So, here are a few things that you might want to know…

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship, I’m happy that you took your first step to break free from the chains of abuse.

Although everything seems gloomy and hopeless right now, don’t give up on yourself. You’ll reach the bottom and receive justice for yourself.

Also, never blame yourself for the abuse… It was never your fault, to begin with.

You didn’t identify their abusive patterns because you never faced such situations before or never learned the definition of “abuse”. And honestly, I feel sad that you had to learn it this way.

Stay safe until you step out of this situation. Remember, you have plenty of emergency helplines, don’t hesitate to dial, if you ever feel your life is in danger and you need immediate help.