Are you curious about deal breakers in relationship? Did you experience a bad relationship recently? Are you wary about the hurtful incidents you experienced?
I’m extremely heartbroken that you experienced something like that… but so thankful and proud that you’re ready to begin a new relationship.
In this think-piece, I’ll show you around all the common deal breakers in a relationship. We’ll also learn to figure out which one is yours.
And finally, even if there are some deal breakers in your relationship… we’ll know how to work with the best in mind. Don’t lose faith in love, because true love isn’t that far away.
With hopes to protect your precious soul, let’s first begin with…
…I hope you find your dream relationship soon.
What are the deal breakers in relationship?
The kinds of actions, dynamics, or behavior that hurts you, turn you off, or makes you mad are your relationship deal-breakers. They might be something you hate in general or something you learned to hate from someone you knew like a friend, ex, or family member.
There are certain things or dynamics you don’t want in your relationships. The characteristics which disqualify a potential partner from making it to dating or a relationship… are your relationship deal-breakers.
If you’ve dated before, think about your ex’s qualities. Things that turned you off, made you sad, annoyed you, and everything else from the past that you never want in a relationship… you got your answers.
We mustn’t expect much from a lover, but we always seek certain “good qualities” in our partner. Your compatibility and chemistry with your partner depend on them.
These qualities also build the relationship foundation. And without them, a relationship might doom sooner or later.
Wanna know if anything is a deal-breaker for you? Let’s know more from here…
How to know if something is a dealbreaker?
Deal breakers are more about people’s nature and depth. It’s all about how a person is inside, not about their appearance, belongings, or status.
One quality might be a dealbreaker for you but a dealmaker for another. In that way, there’s no clear-cut definition or way to find out a deal-breaker.
However, you as a person can easily find out what doesn’t work for your relationship. Because it WILL bother you and you can’t tolerate it easily.
Things you define as dealbreakers tonight, might not be one five years down the lane.
No offense but if you have materialistic expectations, it will change… because later you’ll crave a person with a good heart.
They might lose the cash somehow, but their personality traits won’t disappear.
Deal breakers are all about a person’s nature, opinions, and views. When these align with yours, you’ll find the perfect match… even if they don’t have a sports car or get your Louis Vuitton.
Wondering where it all begins? Let’s find it out here…
When do dating deal breakers originate?
Deal breakers originate when you notice an old hurtful trait in a past relationship in your current one. That’s when you begin comparing your ex and present partner and everything goes downhill.
If you had a bad past relationship, you’ll naturally have a lot of emotional baggage. You project your past hurtful feelings in the current one and that’s when things go downhill.
Even the smallest fight reminds you of your ex. Suddenly, you remember how your ex hurt and disappointed you. Though you wanna be careful about your current relationship, it’s a bad choice.
You constantly compare your partner with others. This leads to bitterness in your mind about your current partner. You don’t care about them as an individual but as a shadow of your ex.
Want to know about some common deal breakers? Then keep reading.
Common deal breakers in relationships
As per dating and relationship experts, deal breakers are usually the reasons behind ending a relationship.
It might be a direct reason or a roundabout one. Couples may not instantly recognize what went wrong, but with some investigations, experts do!
So, here are a few common ones…
1. They dislike children
Children are the epitome of innocence. Sure, everyone might not like them because they’re restless. However, if a person hates them or treats them poorly, that’s a major red flag.
You may never get your own children… or they might abuse your or others’ children. If a person despises children, there might also be some unresolved issues from their childhood.
Perhaps, they grew up without loving parents or with abusive parents… and they think it’s fine to treat them the same.
2. They want children too fast
If a person asks you how many children you want or picks children’s names too fast… like within a few months of dating. That’s a major dating deal breaker because they aren’t serious about life.
If they can talk about such sensitive stuff with someone they recently met… It’s fishy! Possibly they don’t understand responsibilities, or they wanna tie you down to them with the children.
It might also be their dreams from their last relationship and you’re a rebound.
3. They’re into smoking but you aren’t
If you’re someone who doesn’t smoke or do drugs… that means you have certain values you live by. Possibly you don’t like the smell of smoke.
If your potential mate does all that, you won’t feel comfortable. They might promise they’ll never bring it inside the house… but there’s literally no guarantee of such facts.
Moreover, they’ll always smell like smoke and you’ll feel uncomfortable. You’ll also hate getting intimate with them for the smell.
4. They disrespect your music choice
To some different music, tastes are deal breakers but they’re certainly not… unless they say your choice is trash. When you’ll date or live together, you’ll listen to your favorite music at times.
If someone judges you every time you tune into your songs, you won’t like them. Music helps people cope with their down times. That’s how you become crazy fans of particular artists.
Your partner disrespects your life when they treat your music taste negatively.
5. They live thousands of miles away
Long-term relationships aren’t for everyone. In the end, you wanna build your life together.
If your family and work are based on two different sides of the earth… you can’t ever leave your dreams for the relationship. It might become a dirty fight about who sacrifices more.
Moreover, if they’re unsure about the long distance, they’re not serious. Committed partners plan to stay together.
If they never bring up such topics, that’s another relationship deal-breaker.
6. They don’t thank service industry workers
If your partner doesn’t say thank you or sorry to waiters, cashiers, and people who serve you for goods and services… red flag alert!
They think they’re entitled and might exhibit narcissistic personality traits.
They think the entire world revolves around them. So, if you dated that person… imagine what they’ll take you for?
They’ll expect perfection in everything… and even after that, they won’t ever appreciate you for it. Are you ready for such a relationship?
7. They’re obsessed with perfect bodies
Self-love is great for your physical, emotional, and mental health.
However, when a person spends a lot of time fixing themselves up with botox, gym, nail and hair extension, beauty parlors, they’re too shallow… It’s also one of the major red flags.
In the long haul, they focus too much on their exterior and not their soul. They’re too obsessed to get a perfect figure and might even shame you about your appearance.
Such features don’t promise a healthy relationship.
8. They’re extremely frugal
I’m all for being economic, because what’s the point in wasting more bucks without any meaning?
However, if someone is so frugal that they’ll have spoiled food… even when they have stable finances… something is wrong with them. Possibly, they didn’t fix an old financial trauma.
Suppose you date them and fall sick, they might even restrict your finances or even refuse you medical assistance because that’s expensive.
If they can’t treasure themselves, how will they cherish you?
9. They highlight their negatives
Everyone has self-esteem issues… that doesn’t mean you or the others are inferior. But it’s common and nothing worth discussing the entire day.
However, if someone focuses on how they’re a good-for-nothing all the time, it brings two thoughts to my mind: They don’t love themselves and do nothing to make themselves worthy of love.
How will you love a person peacefully… if they’re always pessimistic? Their pessimism might impact your mental health in the long run.
10. Money is everything for them
If someone is obsessed with money, they’re materialistic. For them happiness is dining in a 5-star, riding sports cars, owning a few properties, and the likes.
They’ll woo you with materials but won’t ever connect with you emotionally. Deep inside they think that money is the solution to everything.
So, you won’t know when they might get a mistress or murder someone behind your back… because they have the money to call the shots. Sounds a bit extreme but they can’t respect true happiness.
11. They only think of themselves
If a person tries turning every situation in their favor, they’re quite selfish. If they litter public places or take services for granted, their love is questionable.
It’s not an issue when someone prioritizes themselves… However, there are limits. Sometimes, people must get over their self-centrism and love everyone.
Suppose you’ll talk about your problems, they’ll magnify theirs and ask you to be grateful for your smaller issues.
However, they’ll demand sympathy when they’re in trouble. There’s no give-and-take rule in their life.
12. They’re always late
Is your date always making you wait?
Well, things go wrong sometimes and people might run behind their clock from time to time… but if it’s a regular ritual and they don’t share their reasons for getting late, that’s an issue!
They don’t really value your time… or they don’t like to spend time with you. That’s disrespectful to you, who wait for them literally forever. If they can’t set their priority straight, it’s not promising.
13. They lie too frequently
Never fall in love with a liar. Nobody lies out of mistake because they’re scared. It’s really a habit and they’ll never stop. From my experience, if you let them off the hook once, they’ll take you for a fool.
They’ll continue their games and try to get the best of you while they cheat you. This is one of the most common relationship deal breakers.
You might even suffer from trust issues if you always live in the fear of being lied to.
14. They don’t like your family
Family members are your closest ones. Whether you go broke or feel hopeless in life, they’re always your precious ones. However, when people are too close, there will be some minor conflicts.
If your prospective partner hates your family or avoids them, that’s the absolute worst. Unless a family member abuses you or them, there’s no reason to not try to get along with them.
Their contempt towards your family won’t let you lead a happy life with them.
15. They’re unemployed
Your love interest might be unemployed for two reasons: They can’t get a job, or can’t keep one. Though the competition is quite high for even the simplest jobs, it’s suspicious.
Why can’t they even get a minimum wage job or even something like tuition or babysitting? If they can’t keep their job, why is it? Do they lack important skills like teamwork or adjustment?
Or is it just a lack of ambition? They might plan to leech you off… who knows.
16. They’re into substance abuse
Addicts always say “if you promise to stay, I’ll quit”. Do you really believe them? They’re probably stoned while making vague promises. They’ll never work on themselves FYI.
They’ll always refuse treatment until you regret it. It’s not easy to quit substances and requires lots of patience and devotion. If they can’t do it for themselves, they can’t do it for you, Hun.
Their addiction might make your household finances hit rock bottom… that’s a major deal-breaker!
17. They’re obsessed with their ex
After getting friendly with your crush, if they start babbling about their crush, why they left them, what went wrong, how perfect they were, or anything related… that’s a clear red flag.
They still idealize their ex and wish to get back with them. If not, they’ll try getting in a relationship to make their ex jealous or compare you with their ex in a positive or negative light.
You can’t have a healthy relationship with such a person.
18. They expect you to fix them
If a person deals with a huge blow in their life, they’ll break into pieces. But it’s their job to support and build themselves back. If they try to lean on you, it’s alright.
However, if they hope that you’ll fix them to their previous state… or have unnatural expectations to make them happy… you’ll be immensely unhappy.
Though some of you might find it romantic because you feel superior at that instant, it’s mentally taxing in the long run.
19. They’re a hard-core pessimistic
Steer clear from pessimistic people in life. If you ever wanna hear something negative, channel to your inner critic… that’s enough to destroy any resolve.
You don’t need any more negativity in your life when you have judgmental neighbors or aunts in your life. Life is already so hard on you, why even bother taking on another hardship?
A negative partner will bring down your confidence actively all the time. It’s an unhealthy and emotionally draining deal breaker.
20. Their breath stinks
If a person’s dental hygiene reaches rock bottom, they don’t cherish themselves. Yeah, teeth are pretty precious, and fixing teeth costs a fortune.
Bad breath just speaks of how they don’t care about their pearls. If they can’t brush their mouth twice a day, that’s pretty lazy and casual, can’t expect them to treat you well.
And logically speaking, you’ll feel pukish whether you tryna kiss them or just sleep facing them. So, don’t take this pain and find someone better.
21. They don’t respond well to texts
If you text someone about your dramatic day, but they don’t… and rather reply with hmm and kay… that’s a sign of poor communication skills – one of the top deal breakers!
It also hurts you when you don’t get enthusiastic replies. Even if you compromise and lie to them that they’re just awkward and that’s cute… in the future, you’ll crave someone more interesting.
They probably don’t even care about how you feel now… it’s very unlikely they’ll change later.
22. They snore too loud
Nobody snores intentionally and initially, nobody thinks it might be a deal-breaker.
You’ll share the same bed with your partner every single night and if they snore too loudly, it’ll impact your sleep quality.
Without enough sleep every night, you’ll feel exhausted. It will impact your health, happiness, and concentration. You might also feel frustrated because of the lack of sleep.
Eventually, you’ll sleep in different bedrooms and you’re as good as housemates. This is one of the common deal breakers in a long-term relationship.
23. They are rude in general
If your partner is rude to others… there’s no assurance that you won’t be on the receiving side one day.
For instance, when the convenience store cashier takes longer than usual, do they treat them disrespectfully?
Do they mistreat waiters for serving their food late? Do they demean their work subordinates for minor mistakes instead of helping them rectify it?
Someday if you make a mistake, they might turn verbally or emotionally abusive towards you and treat you like a slave.
24. They’re quite toxic
If a person demeans you, misunderstands your intentions, attacks you, and then covers it up as a joke… they’re toxic. They don’t want your well-being and that’s clear with their antics.
Toxicity is another one of the top dating deal-breakers. In fact, when you feel alone in your relationship, come out of it. You don’t need a person who makes you feel bad without a good reason.
They won’t ever change to make you happy. Rather, they thrive on toxicity.
25. They’re ill mannered
If a person doesn’t wash their hand before or after meals, picks on their nose publicly, chews with their mouth open, sneezes and coughs without covering their face, or even shows gross PDA… are you alright sticking to them?
Unless you feel it’s okay and do the same, they’re just inconsiderate. They don’t care if that churns your stomach or makes you wanna throw up.
Moreover, if you ask them to stop (assuming they’re unaware), but they don’t… MAJOR DEAL BREAKER!
26. They’re bad at kissing
I’m not talking about the inexperienced kinda bad kisser though. Some people will brag about blowing your mind with kisses and then try to bite off your tongue or puncture your lips.
Unfortunately, you can’t find this out unless you guys actually kiss. If the first few kisses are painful, you can’t continue the relationship. Having a bruised lip isn’t sexy or healthy either.
Ask them to change their kissing style or call it off.
27. They’re not trustworthy
If your instincts say you can’t trust somebody, there might be some reason behind it. Don’t ignore your instincts in the name of love. If you can’t trust them, you can’t love them wholeheartedly.
And if something bothers you in the back of your mind, find out about the issue. Did they do something that stirred trust issues in you? Do they spill your secrets to others for fun?
Without trust, there’s no love… so get rid of such negativity from life.
28. They can’t keep up with your conversations
Conversations are a two-way road. If you talk a lot but they give you monosyllabic answers… or you talk less but they can’t stop running their mouth.
It’s not okay… though others might emphasize how your personalities complement one another, it’s troublesome.
Your partner must keep up with the pace of the conversation – neither overwhelm you nor make you seem overwhelming. Otherwise, you’ll always feel unsure about their feelings and interest in you.
29. They’re unhygienic AF
If someone doesn’t shower for days even when their hair/beard is grimy with dandruff, doesn’t brush their hair, doesn’t trim their beard, doesn’t change clothes regularly, sleeps on a filthy bed, has a filthy washroom…. It’s just a mess wherever you see? Run for it.
Think you can fix this filthiness? But it never works out that way.
You may become their servant rather than a significant other… they’ll still not care about hygiene. Infact, you may fall sick if you stay with them.
30. They’re a rude or abusive drunk
Too much alcohol gets the best of many people. Some become a crying mess, some turn into passionate lovers, and some become verbally or physically abusive.
If they tend to beat or curse others when they’re drunk, that’s unsafe. They know about their drunk actions but still drink until they buzz out of consciousness.
Run for your life because they don’t care about your safety. Even if it’s just emotional abuse, it’s still harming you. Don’t get involved with a mean drunkard.
31. You two support different sports teams
If you’re a fan of opposing sports teams, imagine your life during the matches. You’ll cheer for different teams… and if your team loses to theirs, they’ll make fun of the loss.
They might not even care about hurting your sentiments. However, everyone isn’t the same, so you may try having a sports match date. Observe how they express their feelings for the game.
If they boo your team knowingly, the deal is off! That’s your last date with them.
32. You have different kinks
If your partner is into nude beaches and you’re uncomfortable about exhibitionism… or they’re into BDSM but that’s a turn-off for you. It won’t work out despite endless compromises.
Eventually, you’ll feel resentful and hold hostile feelings towards them. If it’s a turn-off for you, you can’t change your feelings.
If you have mismatching libidos, that’s strenuous for the relationship. It might lead to depression, infidelity, or separation. You’ll feel drained if you have a lower sex drive yet give in to sex for their satisfaction.
33. They’re grammatically incorrect
If they’re not talking in their mother tongue, grammatical errors are normal. However, if someone makes errors in the language they breathe and sleep in… that’s an issue.
It’s no discrimination against language skills. However, it might easily lead to communication issues. If you’re picky with grammar or are a grammar teacher yourself, you can’t date such a person.
You’ll always play their teacher and correct them instead of compromising with their real self. It might make you hate them, so break the deal.
34. They’re a grammar Nazi
If you’re the one with grammatical errors and meet someone who always corrects you… how will you feel?
Suppose you’re talking about something sad or trying to be romantic… and they correct your grammar and spelling. You won’t get a single moment of peace in this relationship.
Stop thinking about that person. They won’t and can’t bring you happiness because they obsess over grammar. Obsession is always a red flag despite the subject.
35. They take too long to get ready
Everyone wants to look the best in front of their bae. However, if they take so long that the day is over, is that worth it?
Suppose you’ll go to your parents’ anniversary but your partner takes so long that the main event is over… your blood will boil.
It’s kind of disrespectful that they know something is important to you… but they don’t care because they’re obsessing over themselves. Their priority and time management issues are the core deal breakers.
36. They have a poor sense of humor
If your crush is always grumpy, doesn’t take jokes well, or always says “What’s funny about that?”… you guys don’t match intellectually.
If you love to crack jokes and play with puns but that irritates them, there’s no point taking a further step. You can’t and mustn’t part with your playful character unless it hurts someone.
If you forcibly get into a relationship, they’ll constantly down-talk you and strip away your confidence. It’s too big of a gamble for your happiness.
37. You can’t depend on them
At times, you just need a shoulder to lean on and wait until everything gets better. But if your man prioritizes their video games or your woman their kitty party… you’re clearly less than their other commitments.
If you can’t depend on them during the darkest hours, you don’t need them during good times either. You can’t live with an unreliable person.
You deserve to be spoiled and supported during this… and if a person can’t, they don’t care about your well-being.
38. They’re ambitionless
A person with a lack of ambition will be a pain in your life. They’ll depend on you for everything. If anything goes wrong in their life, they’ll blame you for it.
They’ll never make any effort, impose on others, and also blame and shame others for their failures. This is a toxic trait and you mustn’t stand it.
They only want an easy living and ride in life. This is an alarming deal breaker for any relationship.
39. You’re their free ride
If you have a car but your partner doesn’t… that’s pretty normal. Everyone’s lives don’t run at the same pace. However, if they try to take advantage of your commute, that’s off-limits.
They might be your crush or a prospective mate, but this is a warning sign. They wanna get the best out of this connection. And honestly, fuel doesn’t come cheap.
They’re playing with your emotions strategically and taking advantage of you. Don’t let them walk over you.
40. They have poor communication skills
Communication is important whether you convey your feelings, sort out a conflict, give advice, or anything else. It’s an important part of precious interpersonal relationships… not just dating.
If your partner can’t communicate themselves and bottle up their feelings, their issues will snowball with time. In the future, the relationship might sour with misunderstandings and assumptions.
Lack of communication also results in emotional distress, frequent fights, and even separation.
41. They can’t share responsibilities
For a successful relationship, you must divide household chores and responsibilities. It might be doing laundry, cooking, picking up the kids, filling in one another’s duties during the other’s hardships.
If a person can’t follow through with their responsibilities, that’s an alarming relationship deal-breaker. You might continuously have disappointments and fights because you always clear their mess.
This might even tire you out because you’re responsible for two people… or even more if you live with kids and elders.
42. They pretend to be an omniscient
If someone advises you about your life struggles, when they haven’t ever faced something similar… you can’t make things work.
They love giving unsolicited and unverified opinions and showing off their smartness… when in reality they had it much easier.
This kind of person will never know your pain and will always ask you to be logical… even with your emotions. They might look down on you when you’re broken instead of supporting you.
43. They can’t make decisions
If you date an indecisive person, you’ll always have to make plans. You’re responsible for choosing your date venue, ordering food, date activities, and everything else on the list.
This is a troublesome dating deal breaker because you aren’t sure about their taste. You’ll feel unsure and uncomfortable about always taking the lead.
Moreover, if anything goes wrong, they have the advantage. They’ll blame you for a bad date… because they didn’t contribute even a speck of dust to the plans.
44. They always expect perfection
If someone fusses over every-single-thing in their life, they’re a moron to expect perfection. Even kings have bad days, models have wardrobe malfunctions… Nothing is close to perfect in anyone’s life.
If they magnify the negatives and spoil the mood, they won’t change this habit. Even if you wear your best outfit and groom yourself well, it won’t satisfy them.
They might leave you if they find someone “more perfect” than you. That’s too much insecurity for one life.
45. Only they’re sexually open
If you want a romantically, emotionally, and sexually exclusive relationship, but your partner likes sleeping around, that’s a red flag for you.
Your boundaries clash with theirs and that’s bound to attract bad luck. You won’t be happy if they follow their heart, they won’t be happy to abide by your wishes… your expectations aren’t the same as a relationship.
In that case, this deal-breaker won’t let your relationship sustain for too long. You might feel jealous, resentful, or even get STIs or STDs.
46. They’re drowning in debts
When a person has too many debts, they’re simply bad with finances. That’s a huge red flag because they’ll soon depend on you to make a living and to cope with their debts.
They mustn’t think about a relationship before clearing their debt. A relationship means the responsibility of another person. It shows they’re irresponsible and are even willing to pull you into their mess.
You might have children later, will they completely depend on you for their expenses?
47. Their life revolves around their pet
If someone cares for their pet a lot, it’s sweet but there’s a limit to everything.
If your dates are all about how cute their pet snores, how they wake up your date, or hours of picture scrolling of their pet with tons of stories… they probably forgot you exist.
When they make you feel jealous of their pet, that’s an alarming sign. Their pet is precious, but what are they dating for? To make a fan club for their pet?
48. They have anger issues
Dating a person with anger issues is tough and emotionally challenging. Nobody likes hot tempers and they may force you to tip-toe in your relationship… because you don’t want to anger them.
You might also blame yourself for their anger issues… because they told you so or you assume it eventually. You might lose your confidence and self-esteem while pleasing your partner.
The stakes are too high for a relationship alone. So, stay away from this relationship deal-breaker for your emotional stability.
49. They don’t understand rejection
When a person doesn’t understand “NO” and tries to manipulate your decision… that’s disgusting. Even friendship with such people is hard as they don’t value your opinion.
They think they’re the most entitled in this world… possibly because that’s how they were brought up. If their parents treated them like royalty, even when they aren’t… steer clear from mama’s kid.
No offense to parents treating their kids right. But they might become abusive if you refuse their demands in a relationship.
50. They discussed politics on the first date
Politics is a touchy topic and everyone has their own opinions and views. It’s hardly a safe topic for an ice breaker or the first date.
If someone does that, they think they’re showing off their intelligence. But I beg to differ because I’m sure you felt uncomfortable with that topic.
If they didn’t notice your discomfort and continued, they’re not quite bright. Did they also talk trash about your political party or another? Whether it was intentional or not, this relationship won’t work.
51. They’re a social media addict
This is the age of social media and influencers… noted, I don’t mind. But on a date, they must pay attention to you instead of taking selfies, scrolling through your feed, checking in FB.
If they’re busy making a story on Instagram, they won’t make one in reality. Social media addiction is a serious mental health issue. If they spend a huge amount of time on the phone, that’s a deal-breaker.
It’s either a roundabout way to insult you or they aren’t too serious about the possible relationship.
52. You never met their friends or family
If your partner loves you, they’ll seek their friends and family for opinions. Your relationship doesn’t depend on them but you want to share your happiness.
However, if they didn’t introduce you to one family member or friend and you’re dating for months… They want to keep the relationship low.
They probably don’t want a long-term relationship with you. Or, they might feel ashamed to date you. If they’re determined to separate romance and family, there’s no future.
53. You have mismatching religious views
Some couples make their relationship work despite religious and spiritual differences. They have immense respect and tolerance toward one another’s choices.
However, if any of you feel extremely negative towards the other’s faith, that’s a huge deal-breaker. Don’t start dating until you’re sure about one another’s thoughts about this.
Moreover, if you have kids, which religion will they follow? You better communicate about it beforehand and not mess up the child’s life.
People often break up because of their family’s intolerance toward their partner’s religion.
54. They want you to sacrifice your aspirations
Some people expect their partner to leave their job and prioritize the relationship. It might be because of a sudden transfer in their job.
However, if you’re an ambitious person and they take you somewhere without scope for your goals… you’ll feel resentful for neglecting your dreams.
Life only happens once and if your partner thinks your job is disposable… because they’re selfish or don’t respect your job for lower wages… don’t tread on this path.
Date someone who respects you and your job.
55. They’re a workaholic
Work is important and finding someone with a bright future is a big deal. However, if they’re busy checking work emails during dates, where do you stand in their life? Do they only care about work?
Some people neglect their loved ones for work and career. It’s cool that they’re so dedicated to their work.
However, if you want someone to make exclusive time for you, don’t tolerate this. Speak your mind about your needs. If they can’t compromise, move on.
56. They never show interest in your life
Perhaps your partner talks a lot about their life because you ask them about it. However, if they never return the favor, i.e., they hardly show interest in your life, that’s hurtful.
You might notice that your conversations are like talk-show interviews… where they’re the interviewed star. Possibly they don’t find you or your life interesting at all.
For now, their stories seem interesting to you. But at some point, you’ll desire their spotlight too. If they can’t, it’s all in vain.
57. They have affairs
Everyone has different definitions of cheating.
For some flirting and sex are allowed, an emotional bond isn’t. Some can’t bear the thought of their partner being attracted to someone else’s intelligence. Some use it to define sex outside the relationship.
You have your own boundaries when it comes to affairs. If you communicate those but your partner still violates them, it’s impossible to continue the relationship.
You might suffer trust and self-esteem issues, become paranoid, and the relationship won’t become like before.
58. They try controlling you
If your partner doesn’t care about your opinions and decides on your behalf… without your permission, they’re a control freak! They want you dancing in their palms like a puppet.
They won’t allow you to live freely or choose for yourself. Even if you object to such dynamics, they’ll say they have your best in mind. But you know whether it’s really the best or not.
You might feel smothered by their twisted love for you. Run before it’s too late.
59. They’re jealous of you
A little bit of jealousy is normal in a relationship. However, if your partner gets too jealous when someone chats with you… or accuses you of cheating when you get a promotion before them… that’s too dangerous.
Take your time to know this person well. They’re extremely self-centered and can’t accept others’ welfare. In the future, they might stand in your way to your success and happiness.
Don’t make any big decisions yet as this is a major red flag.
60. They’re an abusive person
Abuse is an unforgivable deal-breaker… doesn’t matter whether it’s physical, emotional, verbal, or in any other form.
Don’t justify abuse because abusers tend to manipulate victims into thinking they deserved it. You did not! So, leave this relationship right away. Don’t hope for any change.
If you wait too long, it might be too late.
For emergencies, call 911 and for domestic abuse call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at @1800.799.7233 or 1800.787.3224(TTY).
61. They stood you up repeatedly
Does your partner frequently bailout from dates? Do you know their reasons? If it’s because of work, you can’t help it as it’s a serious issue.
However, if you have an inkling of doubt that they’re avoiding you to meet friends or see other prospective mates… It’s not a good sign.
There might be some deep relationship issues, so investigate deeper. But in the end, you can’t forgive them for avoiding you, their partner, and prioritizing someone else.
62. They want to be right
If your partner plays dirty to be right and has the upper hand in any conflict, this isn’t a good sign.
If they call you names, try to hurt you with past incidents, gaslight you, blame you for any issue or stonewall you… so that you give up on the truth and agree they’re right… that’s a sure-shot deal breaker.
Your best bet is leaving such a person. They also seem to have major communication issues other than their obsession with being right.
63. You frequently fight
Are you two always fighting? When was the last time you two shared an intimate and harmonious moment? If you can’t remember this, then you have another relationship deal-breaker
Either of you can’t communicate and misunderstand the other. Without communication, you can’t build a happy or healthy relationship. Either of you don’t try resolving issues and let it snowball into huge fights.
It’s best if you guys worked on your communication styles and treated one another patiently.
64. You can’t be yourself around them
A usual dating deal breaker is when you can’t be real around your partner.
If your partner forces you to behave a certain way… or compels you to think that they’ll not love you if you behave normally… that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
If you dress yourself in uncomfortable clothes, keep your feelings bottled up, pretend to be someone totally different, they don’t love you. They want to fit you in their idealized version of a partner.
65. They don’t appreciate you
If your partner ignores your efforts, takes you for granted, and doesn’t appreciate your efforts, that’s another deal-breaker. Everyone deserves to feel important in their relationship.
However, if your partner treats you indifferently despite your efforts, doesn’t acknowledge your efforts, or never returns your feelings, it’s heart-breaking.
Your relationship can’t last if the dynamics don’t change. If a person can’t value you, don’t waste your energy on them. You deserve much better than an unresponsive person.
66. They won’t listen
If your partner isn’t ready to listen to your side of an incident and arbitrarily decides you’re guilty, that’s distressful.
In a relationship, you both are equals and both deserve equal chances of expressing themselves.
However, if your partner thinks they’re above you in some way, that they understand your intentions better than you… that’s a major deal-breaker.
You better think about moving on, otherwise, they’ll silence your voice forever. Choose the best for yourself and not what they convince you.
67. They’re a rude guest
People try to behave themselves when they visit others’ houses. Even if something is not to your liking, you acknowledge the thought that they tried.
However, if your partner behaves rudely at someone’s party… that’s kinda disappointing and suspicious.
Who in their right mind demeans others at a party? They ruin the entire party’s mood… not just the hosts’ or the one they had beef with.
If they have that audacity, they’re not right in their head.
68. They don’t believe facts
Basically, anyone who follows cults like flat earthers, anti-vaxxers, those who don’t believe in dinosaurs… anyone who makes conspiracy theories that the FBI peeps on you through your front camera, those who bash on non-vegans … you know what I mean?
Don’t involve yourself with such cultists. It’s harmful to your mental health. You’ll be tired of explaining the reality but they’ll never learn. You’ll only have endless fights and feel ashamed of them.
69. They have toxic friends
Well, if you notice a good person with toxic friends… there’s a huge chance that you can’t notice your love interest’s toxicity because of your feelings.
If they can be around toxic people and be cool about it… they low key support their toxicity. Possibly, they’re pretending to be goody-two-shoes to you.
They might soon show their real colors as soon as you let down your guard. Go on group outings with them and your friends, take their opinion.
70. They publicly watch videos… on speakers
Suppose you’re returning from school or work after a hard day’s work. Then someone starts playing video games or watches videos on speakers beside you. What are your feelings?
You’ll curse that inconsiderate person internally for ruining your chance to relax while traveling. If your date does the same, better think about your relationship again.
If they don’t feel ashamed inconveniencing unknown people, they might trouble you way more than that because you must be more understanding being their partner.
71. They dated far too many
I don’t judge anyone for having multiple bad relationships. But maybe when the number crosses five, it’s concerning.
Why did so many people ditch them? What did they lack after all? Or, are they habituated to approaching toxic partners? Do they go more after appearances than the soul? Do they never take time to know their partner?
All of these are red flags and you must reconsider your choice.
72. They avoid physical intimacy
Nonsexual physical intimacy is important to deepen any relationship… whether between lovers or parent and child.
If your partner doesn’t like being touched, they’ll starve you of nonsexual physical affections like holding hands, hugging, patting, kissing, and snuggling.
You might compromise with it for now… but soon you’ll understand why it’s a deal-breaker. People feel more loved and cherished with such physical contact. It’s an important part of human life.
73. They hoard objects
Hoarding is the habit of collecting goods in excess quantities like a hobby and it isn’t as bad for everyone. However, some people treat the people in their lives as objects.
They treat them like collected objects and may keep them all to themselves… like a backup plan. This is when someone plays with multiple hearts just so they don’t get lonely when one leaves.
This is pretty awful and disrespectful. Leave if you suspect your partner of having backup partners.
74. They down talk your achievements
When you share news of your achievements with your partner… how do they react? Do they look down on them because they’re comparatively smaller?
Or, do they boast about their own achievements to make yours sound smaller? Do they discuss your achievements with others in a condescending tone?
When someone can’t respect the things that bring you happiness… it’s equal to disrespecting your feelings. Prepare to walk away from this relationship.
75. They’re sexist
If your partner discriminates against you for your gender… that’s uncool. And hey, men and women both experience sexism from their partners.
Women face expectations like being full-time mothers and being good cooks. For men, it’s about taking full financial responsibilities and not crying when they’re sad.
If any of it sounds familiar, that’s your warning bell… leave for your happiness. They’ll always expect you to fulfill such gender-specific roles… it might soon become unbearable.
76. They play hard to get and ghost you
As per relationship experts, if a person plays hard to get and becomes distant or disappears when you pay attention to them… that’s your cue to leave.
There are some serious issues with this person’s mental health and it’s quite unsafe. So, you better leave before they try to play with your emotions.
These people test others to know how much they’ll bend for the sake of love. Their inconsistent emotional investment in the relationship is a shady deal breaker.
77. They’re cruel to animals
Animals can’t speak for themselves even if you abuse them. They may howl, whimper, and cry, but they can’t tell who their perpetrator is.
If you see someone treating animals cruelly, they’re simply abusive and taking advantage of the poor one’s sorry state.
They don’t have any compassion for the weak. Rather they think the weak are playthings of the stronger. They might turn out abusive to you if they ever corner you, so beware of them.
78. They’re second-guessing your decisions
If your partner is always skeptical about your choices, they don’t believe you at all. Without faith and trust, a relationship has no future. Despite what you do, they’ll always fear something going wrong.
And if someday, something truly goes wrong, you won’t hear the end of it in this lifetime. If someone can’t trust your instincts or takes you for a fool, think again.
Will you really tolerate such roundabout disrespect? Later they might insult you publicly and call it a joke.
79. You have mismatching values
Does your partner constantly call you even if you ask them not to? Do they make you uncomfortable with certain behaviors knowingly? Do they try to take revenge instead of communicating any issue?
These are all major relationship red flags. They won’t respect your values and morals unless you’re strict with them. They think they own you since you’re in a relationship.
You don’t deserve this treatment. So, think again about why you’re in this relationship.
80. They stereotype everyone
Does your (potential) partner judge others based on their appearance, accent, or other superficial features? Do they think all women are golddiggers or all men just want sex?
Do they think all black people are criminals? Or that Asians are good at Math? Do they think anybody fluent in English is honest?
Possibly, if they had a bad past relationship, they also compare you with their ex. They have a disrespectful nature in general and are not worth your time.
Confused about so many examples of relationship deal breakers? Let’s clear the confusion here…
How can you identify your relationship deal breakers?
Saying that the relationship deal breakers list is too long, is an understatement. So, you must find out what exactly doesn’t work for you.
Of course, you can’t want all of the qualities because that’s impossible. So, let’s know how to figure out your deal breakers in a relationship…
1. Identify what your call immoral or unethical
Think about the things you won’t ever indulge in. What things are unacceptable to you? List them all down, which of them are ethically and morally wrong?
Perhaps you don’t like lying or deceiving people? Then deception, dishonesty, and lies are your deal-breakers.
2. Figure out your ideal time and money spending ways
The way you like spending time and money is ideal for you. You may also have some other ways that you aspire to follow but can’t for now. List all of that down.
If a person doesn’t follow the same ways or follows an entirely different route, that’s your deal-breaker.
For instance, you like spending time with family. If someone hates spending family time, that’s a deal-breaker. Or, you’re very careful about spending, so you can’t accept a spendthrift person.
3. Identify your most precious ones
Whom do you love the most in your family, friends? What makes them your favorites?
If such characters aren’t present in one or if they have opposite characters, those might be your deal-breakers.
If you like friendly, warm, and frank people… you won’t like mean, unfriendly, or dishonest people.
4. Picture your ideal partner
What do you want in your future partner? List it all down and weed out the superficial aspects. Now add one deal-breaker to this imaginary person. How do you feel about them?
If the partner is good-natured in general, how much will you compromise? Perhaps, drinking is a deal-breaker for you. However, if they’re willing to truly stop, you’re willing to give it a thought?
5. Contemplate tolerating a deal-breaker forever
Imagine living together and forever with someone with a possible deal-breaker. Does it feel horrendous? If you feel you can compromise, then question yourself, for how long?
Will you be able to take it every minute of the day? Think deeply before you answer this one.
6. Find out a deal maker
For all of your deal-breakers, do you have anything that can make it up to you? For instance, if they have poor grammar, consider picking a grammar class together since you like it so much?
Or, if they live too far, think traveling to their beautiful city on the weekends is a pro? Peel your eyes for potential deal makers and you never know what you’ll find out.
7. Be mindful when someone turns you off
In your past relationships, friendships, or family relationships…what made you angry? What do you never want to face in your life?
When you instantly find someone repulsive… notice what actually pisses you off. That has some link with your deal-breakers.
8. Focus on your number of deal breakers
Always focus on having very few deal-breakers. With more deal breakers, you lose your chance of finding love. You believe that you’re entitled to a perfect partner… which is misleading.
We all have shortcomings, so don’t restrict your partner with too many deal-breakers. Seeking perfectionism in your partner is itself a deal-breaker.
9. Be vocal about it
When you’re dead set on a deal-breaker, be straightforward about it. If you communicate your deal-breakers to prospective partners from the beginning, they’ll know what you’re looking for.
Moreover, if you meet someone with a deal-breaker who feels that it’s not a biggie, they’ll enlighten you more about the fact that “you might be mistaken”.
In this world, some are willing to make this world a better place… not because they wanna get into your pants. But because they wanna expand your horizons.
10. Don’t compare with others
Your deal breaker is exclusive to you. So, never ask for validation from a friend about it. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s the reality.
Your best friend is an entirely different person, so don’t get influenced by others’ deal breakers, don’t compromise on a deal-breaker because your friend says it’s not a big deal.
Found a deal-breaker in your potential mate? Wondering what to do next? Let’s solve this issue here…
How to deal with deal breakers in a relationship?
Nobody finds a perfect mate in life because perfection is a farce. You might even fall in love with someone who exhibits some deal-breakers along with many good qualities.
Of course, you can’t jump into the sea of separation… you still have feelings. So, let’s try making the relationship work with these…
1. Focus on positives with communication
Do you guys have opposing views on something? For instance, you’re a mountain person, they’re a beach person?
You’re outgoing but they like staying back? You focus on studies, but they want a job ASAP.
Everyone has their priorities and perceptions of life. Try to know about their reasons and you’ll receive more happiness from differing interests and opinions.
For instance, you’ll experience both mountain and beach getaways for them. Or, you’ll find joy even staying back home and they’ll slowly become more outgoing.
2. Let go of superficial deal breakers
If your deal-breakers are about appearances, money, status, or fame… get rid of those before signing in dating apps. These features are bound to change.
A gorgeous person will become wrinkly with time, a rich person might lose their money any day… It’s the same for any superficial thing. So, don’t observe a person’s exterior alone.
3. Focus on their intentions
Does the person exhibiting a deal-breaker want to harm you? For instance, they’re snoring and it’s out of their control. They don’t want to hurt you in any manner… So must you really ignore them?
Do they bother you with snores so much that you hate them or have to sleep in different rooms? Or do they intentionally do it to bother you?
If someone intentionally hurts you, leave them by all means. But if it’s unintentional, think over your priorities. Focus on the dealmakers more if he/she is a loving person.
4. Investigate your deal breakers
What’s the reason behind your deal breaker? Dig into the history behind this? Did someone convince you that it’s a bad sign for your relationship? Verify why it’s bad.
Did you learn it from your past relationships? Think what about it actually pissed you off? Suppose your ex was a rival sports team fan and criticized your team.
The new person also supports a rival team, however, do they insult your favorite team? Notice if you’re jumping to conclusions.
5. Seek a third person’s opinion
If you want to make your relationship work but can’t work through the dealbreakers… seek a couples or individual counselor for unbiased opinions.
If your deal breakers are negotiable, your counselor will carve out ways to communicate about the issues. They might also help you figure out your partner’s intentions in the relationship.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
In a relationship, don’t be too wary about deal breakers or deal makers. Rather, focus on your feelings about your relationship.
Notice how your partner treats you, their actions, their words, and their soul. You’ll naturally understand if you want to or can deal with them. Your instincts will speak for you.
Don’t overlap or project your feelings from past relationships into a new one. If you do, then you didn’t yet work on previous feelings.
Take time to freshen your mind if you had a bad breakup, heal and soothe yourself, and only then consider a new relationship. Identify your deal breakers with a fresh mind… you’ll definitely build your dream relationship!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...