So, you want to know how to break up with your boyfriend… but don’t wanna hurt him or want to end things amicably?
I understand this is a painful and tough situation for you… so, let me help you through this think-piece. Depending on your relationship and circumstances, I have something for everyone!
And I hope you also tend to your wounded heart with equal compassion while you step away calmly.
So, grab my hand and let me walk you through this tough journey here…
How to break up with your boyfriend?
While you break up with your man, he either has a hint or no idea at all. Always believe he doesn’t know anything and treat him gently through this process.
Since this might be the last time you’ll talk with him, try to leave him without any bad memories with these steps…
1. Choose the right method while you rehearse
Never break up via texts, unless you can’t meet him for legit reasons. So, pick a private place or somewhere near his home to meet face-to-face so that he doesn’t need to travel right after.
Make sure it’s not near special days or before a long day at work. Choose a good time on weekends instead. While you fix everything, rehearse your lines, and don’t delay the breakup.
2. Try to gauge the situation from him
Don’t tell him you decided to break up instantly. Instead, ask him questions so that he can admit that things aren’t going well for you guys.
Possibly, he’s also dissatisfied and frustrated about the shaky relationship. If he admits similar feelings, you can propose to him to move on together. He’ll know that a breakup is the best option.
3. Share your feelings
Begin with where it all started and how your feelings changed with time. Stay respectful throughout the exchange so you don’t break up amidst a fight.
Tell him what the current situation makes you feel and how you believe things might turn out in the long run. Don’t beat around the bush and throw the “I wanna break up” soon.
4. Let him speak for closure
He might take this as a joke, scream out of anger, or bawl his eyes out… his reactions will be unexpected but listen to him unless he tries to harm you.
Don’t lie to console him or it’ll raise his hopes and lead him on. Instead, apologize to make him feel better.
If he complains about how he stayed despite things not working and how you want to leave, don’t argue.
5. Smartly tackle the reactions
If he reacts stubbornly or says he won’t agree, tell him that it’s over from your side and that you understand it’s hard for him. Remind him how nothing works out and you’re both unhappy.
If he begs you to stay or pleads to try again, remind him how much time you guys have already lost over trying.
6. End the fiasco positively
Despite how the breakup conversation goes, make sure you don’t leave on a bitter note. It might impact his mental health. He might also wanna avenge his hurt personal feelings or turn to self-harm.
So, share how he positively impacted your life and wish him luck for a healthy relationship. Make sure you honestly feel that as it’ll help him further in life.
7. Go no-contact with a good support system
For a clean break, cut off all contact with him… whether it’s phone calls or social media. Don’t try to check in with him or his folks.
You’ll also feel hurt, so seek your loved ones and spend time with new hobbies. If you feel guilty, let out the painful feelings. Shuffle your routines with something new instead of brooding in your room.
8. Be polite during inevitable interactions
You might meet him if you guys live in the same neighborhood or share the same college or workplace. Make sure you treat him politely like any other person.
Don’t be extra sweet to feel less guilty, this might also lead him on. Don’t be too cold or he’ll feel depressed about sharing a common space with you.
9. Don’t rush in to be friends
While you take your time to detach yourself, he needs it much more to deal with the painful feelings.
A lot of people feel that “let’s be friends” can show how likable their soon-to-be ex are. However, that’s hardly a good idea.
So, give him time to recover, and only then ask if you want to remain friends.
10. Take time before dating anyone
Never jump into another relationship after you break up with your partner. It always turns out to be a rebound which is unfair to the new guy.
When things end on a bad note repeatedly, you also lose your confidence and trust in relationships.
Take time to understand where you went wrong, what are your boundaries, and what kind of relationship you want in the future.
But, if you’re sure that he’s still 100% in love, things become hard on you. You feel guilty about hurting him and might even delay the breakup. But what’s the point when you have no feelings?
So, let’s get done with it quickly here…
How to break up with boyfriend who still loves you?
Since he’s in love with you, even your friends might say “You’re being too picky” for your choice.
Distance yourself from such people as you know what you experience in the relationship. So, let’s not hurt yourself or him with these clever steps…
1. Consult with a trusted friend and plan
Since he still loves you, you might feel confused. Seek someone trustable and confide in them. Ask them for the best way out of it. If they also feel a breakup is the only answer, begin planning.
Think about what might hurt him and note those down. Prepare a list of things you WILL and WON’T say in the breakup conversation. Weed out things that might mislead him.
2. Consider his feelings for the breakup
Your rejection of his profound love for you will be a shocking revelation. So, choose to do it face-to-face and at/or near his house. You’ll hurt him less if you act considerately.
Send him a text message and make sure it doesn’t sound like you wanna go on a date.
3. Be empathetic throughout the exchange
Possibly you felt hurt and are on the verge of bursting out. But a loving person doesn’t deserve that. So, work on your emotions to avoid hurting him.
Tell him that he matters and you really don’t mean to hurt him. Admit that you feel lucky to know an amazing man like him and how you grew together with him.
4. Go for the blame-free ways
Throughout the conversation, make sure you don’t blame him for anything. Use more “I” sentences than “you” ones to emphasize the breakup is because of your issues and not his flaws.
Even if he tries to fight, don’t attack him or say “This is why we can’t work out”. Rather say “I understand how you’re feeling”. This will calm him down to a certain extent and he’ll understand your point of view.
5. Take note of his emotional situation
Even if you take responsibility and the blame for breaking up, it won’t reduce his emotional pain. If you know any of his folks, text them that you’ll split up and that he needs someone beside him.
If he has a therapist, give them a heads up too. His friends and family members will prevent him from making wrong decisions. Don’t alert nosy people as that’ll worsen his situation.
6. Stick to your words
He’ll probably not lose hope too soon and will seek you for negotiations. Never let your heart waver and stand by your words.
If there’s any chance of reconciliation, you mustn’t break up in the first place and try to negotiate instead.
However, once you reach that point, he mustn’t have the power to change your decision to break up. He won’t feel good about your reaction, but stay firm.
7. Prepare for his attacks
When you won’t change your mind at all, he’ll understand that it’s finally over. It’ll hurt his male ego and he might behave in unimaginable ways or even attack you verbally.
He might even blame you for cheating on him or returning to your ex. Don’t react to such nonsense and if he becomes abusive or misbehaves, feel free to end the convo and return.
8. Allow him space
If he’s a great person or you two were best friends before, you might desire to resume that dynamic. However, understand that he needs time and space to move on. So, don’t force him to be around you.
Let him learn to be emotionally independent and maintain a no-contact for that. You might become friends later, but don’t push him too hard.
9. Take time to grieve
Again, if he was a wonderful person, you’ll probably feel guilty about hurting him. If you feel that the break-up is important, don’t let the weak times change your decision.
Cry out or vent to your friends… even if you initiate a breakup and he’s a great man, you’re allowed to feel hurt. Don’t judge or stop expressing yourself.
10. Practice positivity
Don’t confine yourself or stop socializing because you hurt him. Instead, go out more often and indulge in fun activities. Get rid of your boyfriend’s memories and spend time on new pastimes.
Enroll yourself in a cooking class, invite your folks over, and let them taste-test your food. Try volunteering in soup kitchens and pet shelters to keep yourself engaged.
On the other hand, if you’re still in love with him, it’s a different kind of pain. Possibly, you know the relationship is unhealthy, but you still want to carry on because old habits die hard.
So, let’s give it a tough fight here…
How to break up with your boyfriend if you are in love with him?
Perhaps a part of you says “I love him” and another part says “He’s not right for you”. Put an end to this dilemma because the second voice has its own reasons.
So, if you want to split… but don’t know how to deal with your lovesick heart, accept the change here…
1. Figure out your reasons and note them
Think about why you want to break up and write them down in a notebook. Is it because you’re in a casual relationship or have different goals or views? If they asked you out in the future, will you respond?
If it’s just because you fought or don’t feel a spark, write down everything. This might help you realize if breaking up is a mistake or the best choice of your life.
2. Go through them after a week
Once you’re done writing, hide the notebook and don’t look at them for a week. After one week, read it again and think if you still feel the same.
If it was a momentary feeling, you won’t feel as infuriated or concerned with the reasons. You might even think of reconciling soon.
But if it’s something serious, it’ll still pull out an equally strong reaction from you.
3. Think about how you’ll deal with an independent future
Your breakup might be unsuccessful if you depend too much on him. So, if you separate your paths, imagine how you’ll deal with emotional, financial, or any other form of independence.
Prepare your heart from now on if you always need him. Otherwise, you’ll find your way back to him and the entire thing will be pointless.
4. Jot down good memories to compare
Since you still love him, you can’t forget about him within seconds. So, note down every good memory you shared in a DIFFERENT NOTEBOOK (I’ll tell you why later!).
Now compare these reasons to love him with the reasons to break up. Make sure you prioritize your mental and physical health during this.
Don’t ignore this because it can convince you to break up or stay back for good.
5. Meet up and get down to business
Call him to meet someplace without excess public interference. Give him the air that it’s something serious without major details. He’ll understand this isn’t a date.
Don’t try to make small talk or create suspense and begin the convo. Don’t hesitate or let your feelings get in the way.
6. Be direct, not hurtful
During the conversation, state why you don’t want it honestly and respectfully. Don’t let him guess or figure out what you mean. He’ll think he still has a chance and that it’s only a lovers’ quarrel.
Don’t blame him for anything and keep yourself calm and collected. You can’t afford to let out tears even if it hurts. Any soft emotion will convince him you have feelings and he has a chance.
7. Be persistent until you leave
Even if he bargains or promises to treat you better, don’t make a fool out of yourself. Keep yourself strong and don’t let him take advantage of your feelings.
If you feel your heart can’t stay strong, take your leave. However, you can give him one last hug. But make sure it’s not too long or you’ll change your mind.
8. Read the breakup reasons when you miss him
Breakups aren’t easy, especially where feelings are still fresh. You need a lot of time to heal. But whenever you want to call him, go through the reasons for the breakup notebook.
If you made separate notebooks, you won’t see the reasons for loving him. This will prevent you from going down a spiral of past memories.
9. Resist any urge to contact
Their thoughts may randomly arise in your head and you may want to reach out. But honestly, DON’T! Delete or block his number and unfriend him from all social media.
Keep him out of sight and when you go on an overthink spiral, distract yourself with songs, cleaning, or any rigorous work that needs concentration.
10. Find ways to cheer yourself
When nothing works, book a gym membership with your bestie to keep yourself distracted and uplift your mood. Talk to your friends and family when it becomes tough.
Journal your feelings if nobody is available. Avoid areas where you went on dates or places he visits frequently. Go on solo activities and enjoy your company.
However, if you wanna know how to break up with your controlling boyfriend, the last section isn’t suitable even if you still love him.
You need extra precautions because you never know what he might pull off. So, let’s deal with it here…
How to break up with a possessive boyfriend?
If your boyfriend is the possessive type, the relationship probably has multiple toxic and/or abusive traits.
However, you might not be ready to accept it or you might be seriously unaware. So, check your relationship dynamics and tread lightly with me here…
1. Watch out for controlling red flags
If he mainly stirs negative emotions within you, treats you like a possession, hardly allows you to meet others, overreacts when you communicate with strangers, tracks your location and actions, interferes in your resource access like medicine, internet, phone, work, etc.… all of these show that you’re in a toxic relationship.
2. Read up about types of abuse
Abuse isn’t when you have blue bruises. It can be emotional, sexual, financial, and even digital. Study and compare the signs of abuse with your relationship dynamics.
If even one type of it is happening for a long time, know that there’s no way to make anything right. Admit that your romantic relationship is unhealthy and it’s time to move on.
3. Make your safety plan and work on it
If you live under the same roof, create a plan to run away. Save enough cash, secure a job place and let them in on your condition and job requirement, and pack your ID and immigration documents in a light bag.
If possible, video record any abuse or toxic dynamics.
You might need to run earlier than you imagine. If your guts say it’s dangerous, trust yourself and flee. Make sure you send off any child, elderly, and pets away beforehand.
4. Seek help from wherever
If you’re in a dangerous situation, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799/1.800.787.3224[TTY]. They can direct you to safehouses if you’re on the run.
You must seek your trusted ones beforehand and ask them to look up safehouses. Or, if you have a friend or family your partner doesn’t know, crash in their place until further help.
5. Plan to talk to him someday with your safety in mind
If you don’t tell him about the breakup and disappear, he’ll file a missing diary and get you in trouble. Ask him out to a public place so he can’t get abusive.
For added security, take a friend along with you. Prepare your dialogues beforehand so you don’t spend too much time with him.
6. Explain yourself carefully
For the breakup explanation, brief him on what dynamics forced you to take such steps and give vivid examples to convince him.
Don’t immerse too deeply in the conversation and always be aware of any violent or apologetic acts. Call 911 if he tries to hurt you or your companion. Ignore any promises to change for the better.
7. Protect yourself from further harm
Make sure you cut off all means of contact with him after this, whether he reacts violently or otherwise. He’s not someone safe to hang out with. He’ll try to manipulate you in every possible way.
However, if he pesters or threatens you around your home or workplace, seek the law for a restraining order or personal protection order.
8. Seek a mental health therapist
If you experienced any deep emotional and/or psychological pain, book an appointment with a therapist. This is necessary especially if it was a long-term relationship.
In your mind, they’re still your romantic partner and you still crave him. Probably, the fine line between love and abuse is blurred and therapy can help you define everything properly again.
9. Take time to let it out
You won’t get over the pain instantly, so take your time to cry it out, talk to loved ones, and invest in your mental health.
Keep yourself busy with hobbies and physical activities. Do everything that makes you feel happy and alive.
10. Earn your sense of safety and confidence
For physical safety, enroll in self-defense. For financial safety, try to get a job or complete your studies to get one. This will help you regain your confidence eventually.
During this, make sure you work hard to understand your boundaries, red flags, and dealbreakers to never repeat the same mistakes.
Furthermore, things become even more complicated if you both share the same roof, have joint property, kids, and pets, and there’s no distinct line between your possessions and responsibilities.
So, let’s try to separate everything amicably here…
How to break up with your live-in boyfriend?
Life under a common roof merges two people’s lives and habits. Your finances become the same, you pay the electric or food bills without caring who used what. You simply cover for one another’s shortcomings.
A breakup in this situation is much more than two people splitting. So, let’s know how to do it correctly here…
1. Don’t begin with unclear feelings
You mustn’t jump into this conversation without a clear mind. Take time to think about when your feelings started changing, what doesn’t work anymore, and why it’s not fixable.
Think if he still makes your heart skip a beat if you have common goals if you have good sex and communicate properly, and other details.
If everything seems gloomy, a breakup is a right option.
2. Consider both of your finances
After the breakup, if you plan to move out, consider your financial situation. Will you stay here or elsewhere? Do you have a steady income to support yourself? If not, it’s time to find a job.
The same goes for your partner. If you wish him to move out, assess if he can handle it. If not, think about a plan.
3. Alert him before
Don’t attack him out of the blue. Instead, fix a time to talk inside the house. Tell him that you have important matters to discuss. This will also give him the air about what’s happening.
4. Don’t stall the conversation
When you get the opportunity to speak, he already knows, so don’t waste your time with sugarcoated words. Of course, don’t become rude or nasty about how he hurt you throughout.
Be kind, empathetic, and straightforward, and protect them from a painful separation. For instance, tell them what you cherished in the relationship.
5. Explain to him the issues
Don’t forget to give him closure about why things can’t work out anymore. Tell him the pointers you listed in the first step. Discuss why you feel you reached the point of no return.
Again, don’t use an accusatory tone like “You don’t have time”. Use positive language like “We can hardly make time for one another.”
6. Let him speak
He also has complaints about the relationship but didn’t initiate a breakup because he was hopeful. Your step will hurt him a lot, so he’ll probably talk a lot more than you expect him to.
Listen to his complaints and don’t try to boomerang the blames. Own your shortcomings in the relationship and refrain from defensive or dismissive body language.
7. Share if you have any plans
If you plan to move out, tell them when and discuss if he’ll be financially alright with the move. You may help him financially if he can’t handle it all alone.
If you want him to move, refer him to some neighborhoods or apartments at lease, or even introduce him to a job with higher wages to support him to ease his stress.
8. Consistently refuse him
If he still asks you to change your mind or brings back memories or kids to stay together, turn him down firmly and show that you won’t change your mind.
Further, if he gets too forceful, leave the house the very night and crash at a friend’s place. Return with a friend to pack your luggage if you plan to move out.
Or, ask your friend to stay with you if you’ll stay.
9. Figure out the property and custody splitting
If you own joint property, think through who will take what. If either of you needs time to move out, set a deadline for it which might be around 4-6 months.
If you have kids or pets, don’t forget to seek a lawyer for custody arrangements. Otherwise, this might backfire later. If you bought a possession for the household, you own it.
But if you gave it to him, he owns it. Rationally split your belongings.
10. Or, set ground rules if you’ll live together
If you plan to stay together, build ground rules about sleeping arrangements, your individual expenses including electricity, food, water, etc if you can bring your dates over, and how you’ll use resources like kitchen or TV if you want to altogether avoid one another.
If your commodities are limited, alternately use them.
Jot down your personal boundaries, split the common chores rigidly and take responsibility for personal chores, refuse any sexual advances, and have your own space to grieve.
Breakups over texts are always a big red NO! But it’s a valid way for long-distance couples, online daters, and even in abusive relationships. It’s not a bad skill if you know where to use it.
So, let’s learn to do it here…
How to break up with your boyfriend over text?
So, how do you break up with your online boyfriend? Since it’s not as serious, sending a “Let’s break up” + *block*, probably sounds cool, right? It’s actually no better than ghosting.
So, let’s learn what texts to send and not send in this ride here…
1. Appreciate him for something genuinely
If you liked anything about him, use that as your opener. But don’t show that you’re too impressed as it’ll put his hopes too high. He might think you want attention if you break up after excessive praise.
Go for something like “I really enjoyed our date” or “You’re quite fun to hang out with.”
2. But don’t wait to spill the truth
Don’t hesitate after that and tell him that you want to break up. Suppose you text him during his work hours, wait for his reply, only for him to reply hours back thinking you’re the love of his life… that’s a complete disaster.
So, don’t mind if he reads the texts or replies, just do your thing.
3. Use the classic reason
Never forget to give a reason but if you really don’t know him for too long you may wanna know how to break up with your boyfriend without any reason. Text,
“We don’t click well”, “I’m not looking for a romantic partner right now”, “I didn’t feel a romantic connection with you”, and the likes.
Don’t feel guilty because you didn’t give him a chance. If your guts say it’s the best option, then believe it.
4. Or, go for a more detailed reason if you have
If you wanna know how to break up with your long-time boyfriend, don’t give vague superficial reasons. He deserves a genuine reason if you guys were together for a long time.
Tell him what’s really wrong in the relationship… even if it’s as vague as an “I can’t continue a long-distance relationship.” It won’t hurt you to be truthful about it.
5. Make sure to avoid accusatory tones
Since it’s a text, you have all the leisure to double-check before you send a breakup text. Only use “I” statements throughout the texts. Don’t try to shift all the blame and own your feelings.
You want to break up because YOU don’t feel the same about your partner. If you want to know how to break up with your boyfriend nicely over text, this is the key!
6. Close the exchange optimistically
If you’re a long-term couple, don’t leave him in a bitter state. A lot of time we don’t understand what the other person might do out of desperation and hurt, so end your texts on a sweet note. For instance, say:
“I learned a lot from you and will always remember everything we shared”.
Such phrases will help him deal with the breakup better and not hurt himself seriously.
7. Avoid being mean even if he’s an a$$
Suppose he’s the worst man you ever dated and he deserves to go through hell… still, don’t hurt him knowingly. He might nag you more than he must, don’t lose your patience.
Put yourself in his shoes and just bear with him for longer. Don’t snap at him and just bear with him for one last time.
8. Avoid stretching the topic
While you feel frustrated with him, you want to rub off every bad thing on his face. However, don’t send him essays about what’s not working. Never send paragraphs and stick to concise short texts.
Don’t stretch the conversation for too long, unless he wants to know more about it.
Send something as short as:
“Hey Brian, I really liked spending time with you but things aren’t really working. I think we should break up and move on to find more compatible partners. You taught me really great things and I hope you get someone more suitable soon.”
9. Never contact him again
Once you’re done, close the files, babe. Don’t keep him around as a choice, don’t try to text him just ‘cuz you’re bored, don’t try to hook up with him because he has feelings.
Don’t do anything that might send mixed signals. Otherwise, he’ll still try to get you back. But, if he tries to contact you after the breakup, block him.
10. Give him closure in other ways if he wants
If you’re a long-term and long-distance couple, he might want to meet you for closure or he might want to hear it over a phone call or video call, don’t refuse him in these situations.
However, if you feel uncomfortable about meeting in person, i.e., get a bad vibe, or he asks you out at a shady place, choose a public place of your choice and bring a friend along.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Men usually suppress their emotions even after a breakup. Other than his best friend everyone tells him to “Man Up!” as if having a chunk of testosterone or a mustache numbs the pain.
Remember, all living beings have feelings… So while you break up with him, treat him gently. Despite the chromosome type, you both deserve to move on from an unhealthy relationship.
Furthermore, don’t be so understanding that you hurt yourself. Know your limits and boundaries. If a man disrespects you, use your voice and charismatic presence to subdue them.
The breakup will be hard on you too, so allow yourself to grieve despite what the world says.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...