I am glad that you searched for “how to deal with a breakup“, instead of letting the void within you grow larger.
Well, breaking up is never easy… There’s a reason why it’s called ‘breaking’. It’s not just about a relationship, it is more about the people involved in the relationship.
Your dreams, your desires, all the rosy aspirations get shattered within a fraction of a second… leaving you in a pool of tears, and wretched emotions.
If you think you’ll stay caged forever, baby, that’s simply an illusion. You will move on from this.
I’ve prepared the best coping mechanisms to help you find your way out of this darkness… which is way better than sharing breakup posts… so, let’s heal together…
How to deal with a breakup – 30 Tips
Do you think only your life became complicated? No honey, the heartbreak, the pain, the confusion weave similar patterns of complications in each and everybody’s life. You Are No Exception! I have had it too.
…and so, I’ve compiled some 30 tips to help you deal with the situation instead of surrendering it.
1. Accept the blow. Cry if you want.
First, accept the blow… that you and your ex are no longer together.
I might sound extremely stupid but here’s the truth: you and your ex parted ways because you both were not destined to be together.
Cry if you want. Let out all the pent-up feelings. Even if the feeling hurts, you need to first accept it to move on.
They are your ‘ex’. Stop imagining your future with them. All those who fall in love do experience such hurdles in life, at least once… and so have you!
2. You’re not alone.
Next, believe that whatever you’re feeling, all the emotions, the discomfort, everything is just normal. It happens each time you break up with someone.
I’m not trying to make you emotionless…. Or, toughen your feelings and make you a breathing bot.
My only motive is to make you understand that everyone experiences pain.
Numerous people experienced a breakup after years of long-term romantic relationships… felt the pain and yet, it did not stop them from living their life.
3. Stop overthinking.
This is very important. Even after you accept the situation and begin to gain control, there will be moments when you feel like your ex is your soulmate.
Don’t let these toxic feelings creep in your head. We are here to get out of it, okay? Don’t cage yourself in such worthless thoughts.
Each time your brain tells you that they were your soulmate, answer your brain: “then I better die single”!
4. Define boundaries
Don’t you think it’s easier to avoid them rather than bumping into them and feel your heart tearing into pieces?
But what if you both are neighbors? Or, you share the same friend circle… Your friends and family will have frequent get-togethers and gatherings.
What you can do is: avoid such gatherings and people who are common to both of you.
Don’t zone out completely, nor do you need to become antisocial. Attend the parties and gatherings but avoid the particular circle where you might encounter your ex.
Avoid gossip mongers or any other toxic friends. There is no harm in building a certain level of boundary between you and them at least for a temporary period.
5. In case you wanna be friends with them…
It’s good that you both want to stay friends as it means that your breakup was healthy.
But a little time and space are important. Take a break, avoid frequent texts and calls. After all, even you’ve a life of your own.
At least wait for 1 to 3 months before you get back in touch with them. The break period will give you some space to live in a composed manner, independently.
Who knows… you may become a confident individual before you get through this, live your life on your own and enjoy your newly single status more than the relationship?
6. Respect one another’s decisions
Now since both of you were a part of this relationship, it is your responsibility to respect whatever other person decides, and vice versa.
If they want to stay friends with you but you don’t want the same, find a common ground. Slight adjustments that assure both your good shouldn’t be a big issue.
But make sure you don’t force yourself to do anything that’s out of your comfort zone.
7. Even when you’re around them…
Next comes the situation where both of you are well aware that you’ve parted your ways, but are still around each other: what would you do then?
Well, I won’t reveal any nuclear science here. Just keep track of your behavioral patterns.
For example, if you are watching a movie with common office staff, don’t lean your head on your ex’s shoulders if they are sitting next to you.
It will only remind you that you guys aren’t together anymore, so stay alert when you’re around them. Don’t let your emotions mislead you.
8. Settle with a healthy agreement, No revenge.
Have a healthy discussion upon the situation and figure out a balanced way of living without bothering each other.
Even if it was a nasty breakup, know that you must end things with positive agreements, not disastrous disputes. Don’t give room to vengeful thoughts in your head.
If they misbehave, don’t seek revenge. Remain polite and avoid their negative energy. At the end of the day, you must feel that you were fair, positive, and polite.
9. Don’t let it affect your professional dealings.
Don’t let personal issues affect your work life. Your reduced productivity at the workplace will make you feel under confident and worthless. This is the worst mistake you’ll ever make.
If you both share a professional stage, say, you share a certain hierarchy in your office where you have to serve each other professionally… keep your conversations civil.
Don’t keep talking about your breakup news among the office staff… or, fill the workplace air with gossip.
Signing a resignation letter is not an option; don’t run away from your career like that.
10. Put the limelight on you
You have a commitment to yourself that matters the most in this world… So focus!
If you lose yourself, you won’t ever find another you… so fall in love with yourself, honey.
You are responsible for how you feel about yourself. What others say or do must never affect the relationship and commitment to yourself.
Gain control of all splashing waves of grief that disturb your mental peace.
Constantly stay in touch with yourself. It’s time to focus on what you desire, what makes you feel happy and comfortable and serve yourself with them.
11. Indulge in self-care!
When did you last live a well-disciplined and routine life to stay fit and healthy?
Let me tell you that your self-care routine plays a very significant role in improving your mental health. It gives you the space to recover from the emotional pain.
Learn to take care of your mind, body, and soul… Stay determined. You deserve a beautiful life and the first step towards it is a strict self-care routine.
12. Catch up with your close friends
Catch up with the friends who bring you joy. Though don’t dial someone who will ask you about your breakup and set up a full-on inquiry on your personal life.
Meet with close friends who give you peace, make you feel comfortable, and ensure the meeting is worth it.
Catching up with old and close friends helps you deal with loneliness. Ask your friends to be in touch with you.
13. Try something new
What about trying Skydiving? Swimming? Or a hike to the mountains?
Well, kudos if you already tried your hands on these activities. But there are hundreds of other activities that you don’t even know about.
Find out something crazy, interesting, and new for yourself and indulge in it… it will make you feel fresh and confident.
You will feel capable and confident of completing tasks, meeting fresh challenges, and also identify your full potential.
14. What was your hobby?
Did you completely overlook your hobby in the past few days? That’s not a good sign for your mental health.
Some people paint when they are angry, which means they practice their hobby when they are mentally unwell. This helps them to get back on track and re-establish a healthy state of mind.
Why don’t you try the same thing? Sit in your room and spend time engaging with your hobby. You will definitely feel good afterward.
15. Cook a deliciously nourishing meal
Food can be more than something to sustain your life if you have the right resources. Eat something delicious to cheer your mood or even try new recipes as a hobby.
Perhaps, check some healthy exotic meal preps and get your hands on the ingredients?
While the taste will satisfy your tongue, a healthy meal will be good for your digestive system and physical health.
You’ll feel satisfied emotionally and your stomach will have a good day too.
16. Don’t get trapped in the junk cycle.
Eating junk makes you feel emotionally satisfied, even happy.
But soon after you crave more junk food… and find yourself in a vicious cycle.
When you feel emotionally low, you’ll crave the same emotional pleasure you experienced from junk food consumption.
The cravings make you consume more junk food. You get addicted to this cycle of gorging on junk food, craving for more, and feeling worse when you don’t get the junk.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Unhealthy food is super harmful to your health… you’ll feel bloated and stuffed.
17. Sweat to shape
Getting into shape, looking attractive, and feeling confident about your physique are just the perks of exercising. Your main objective to exercise is fitness and a healthy lifestyle.
Exercise in the mornings to naturally boost positive energy in your body. A good blood flow throughout the day will also keep you mentally fit and healthy.
Most importantly, your heart will function healthily. The adrenaline hormones will be at bay and you will live a balanced day altogether.
18. Immerse yourself in Meditation
Meditation has the most effective healing power… much more than you can ever imagine. But you won’t know unless you give it a try.
When you close your eyes, you shut your inner self from the outside world.
The process of meditation connects you with your inner self, it does not let the outer sight, noise, or stimulus affect your inner spirit.
While meditating you synthesize a very strong positive energy within you that can help you heal from the breakup.
19. Regulate your sleep cycle.
Sleeping too much will make you feel groggy and monotonous. However, not sleeping at all can prove to be tragic for your mental health.
You might get deep, dark circles under your eyes, plus deteriorate your productivity at the workplace.
As a result, you will feel irritated throughout the day because your body isn’t well-rested. You will continuously pick fights and trouble others.
If you want to avoid these conditions, then just regulate your sleep cycle to at least 8 hours per day.
20. Try musical therapy
Just like meditation and sleep, music is another kind of therapy that can soothe your mind and help in the healing process.
Avoid listening to songs that remind you of your ex.
Listen to warm and soft tunes.
Music must not feel like noise or chaos. It’s alright if you love listening to pop and remixes, but soft notes are best to heal your emotional state of mind.
Concentrate on the lyrics, tune, and melody… You will feel a lot better later
21. Seek support from your loved ones
Speak to your friends and family members, let them know about how you feel and ask them to support you if you need any help.
It’s okay to reveal your hidden scars, fears, and insecurities. If you’re feeling lonely, let them know about it.
This is the day when you need your friends and family the most.
Not expressing the feelings will lead to pent-up feelings of pain and anger in your mind. Do you think it’s good for your mental health? Obviously not.
The revelations will help you acknowledge your feelings. When you express what you’re going through, you have better chances of overcoming these feelings.
22. Redirect the negative thoughts
Discussing your disturbed state of mind and how you feel is fine…
But don’t let the feelings swallow you, or get excessively consumed by your thoughts.
Don’t let negative emotions overpower you. Redirect negative thoughts into positive actions.
Every time you feel engulfed by these emotions, try to redirect your mind into something constructive and positive.
Press the RESET button and get back to something that makes you feel happy.
23. Open your curtains for natural light
Get some sun, pal. The fresh light will again feel as good as a new beginning.
No, I didn’t imply getting a suntan. Rather get up early in the morning, open your windows, let some sunlight seep into your room, and make you feel bright and bubbly.
This feels so much better than feeling gloomy and dull in a dark and cold room.
24. Shower with your favorite products
What about a luxurious bath? Absolutely a good idea!
When you have so much going-on in your life, have a treat day for your skin…
Grab your favorite body wash, loofah, scrub, and moisturizer, and indulge in a beauty bath.
When your emotions are all upside down, nothing can soothe you like a warm shower! You will feel so light and comfortable after this.
It will feel like you have just washed out all the negativity and are good to make a fresh start.
25. Write what you feel
In case you don’t feel like expressing your feelings to friends and family, a notebook can be your best friend.
If you cannot cry in front of anyone, write it down. And guess what, nobody would ever know your secret. This is the best way to express your feelings secretly, I’ve done that.
Write a brief story about your relationship, the breakup, and how it has left you in despair.
Change the name of the characters, just to avoid any complications if anyone else reads the diary.
Writing is a great habit to pour out all the pain that’s consuming you from the inside.
26. Spend some time in nature
Mother Nature has a miraculous power of healing broken hearts.
What about gardening? When was the last time that you planted a tree?
If you have ever done that in the past, you can easily relate to the happiness of planting a sapling and watching it grow into a green and luscious plant.
The entire process of planting a seed, watering it, nurturing it, and watching it grow is a wonderful experience in itself.
Spending time in nature will detach you from worldly matters and negative feelings. You will feel fresh and rejuvenated after this.
27. Stay busy
An empty mind can only be a house for unproductive things, so stay busy.
Don’t sit idle when you have spare time in your hands. Free time is the biggest enemy of your healing.
If you have got nothing to do then take up any of the listed activities to keep yourself occupied.
If you’re always doing something, you won’t have the time to let the despair or loneliness creep in.
Keep yourself occupied… It is the most important step to step out of this darkness and it’s miserable side effects.
28. Addictions are a big NO!
Wanna grab the bottle of wine next to you?
Already over a dozen packets of cigarettes?
What are you even up to?
I understand that you feel sad and lonely but bad habits will do you no good.
The deliberate actions will only decorate your health and make you suffer more than you ever thought.
Stay away from drugs or any kind of intoxicating material. The after effects are going to be the worst of all.
You are free to use it occasionally or during some leisure fun times but not when you’re in a bad mood.
29. It takes time… so be patient
Your feelings are a part of your life and not your entire life.
This phase will soon pass… everything will get back to normal. You won’t need your entire life to deal with your breakup, but it will definitely take you some time before you move on.
Out of all the tips over here, the most important one is to remain patient and consistent.
The healing will not happen overnight, stay at it… and you will soon find the light at the end of the tunnel!
30. Go for therapy
Seek relationship experts if the pain is too much to handle.
Go for therapy… It’s absolutely fine to seek mental therapy when you are not doing well mentally in your life. It’s a part of the post-breakup healing process.
The mental breakdown is similar to a bone fracture, it’s normal but not physically visible… and there is special therapy designed to help you. So there’s no harm in seeking expert services.
These were some basic tips to help you give a kick-start. However, we haven’t had some important discussions about post-breakup scenarios.
For example, a very vital question remains how to deal with…
If you both are connected on social media
Social Media is so deeply integrated into your daily life now that you can’t imagine a life without it.
If you keep talking about your relationship on social media, a break-up is bound to have a greater impact on you.
So, listed below are some rules that you can follow to find your way out of this virtual world.
1. Keep things to yourself
You don’t need to post everything about your life on social media. The digital world isn’t your life.
Instead, take some time off and stay away from social media.
You may experience emotional fallout post-breakup.
At this time, you obviously can’t entertain someone meddling into your private life. So, it’s best to avoid social media as much as possible.
2. Be a smart digital user.
Don’t trigger your pain with couple pictures or couple goals posts on social media.
Like I said, avoid social media post-breakup if you want to accelerate the healing process but if you must, be cautious.
Use it to stay connected with loved ones only. Indulge in a healthy chat with them to relieve your stress to some extent.
3. Keep your relationship status private.
Posting your life or relationship status on social media may inflict more pain on you, especially when people on your friends’ list come back asking questions.
Never make it a platform to vent out your emotions.
Don’t change your relationship status to single as soon as you both call “it quits”. Take some time and then without making it a hype, change it to single.
The best option is to make your relationship status private.
You don’t need people to make judgments about you, so privacy is a necessity. If you want to convey your story, do it privately in chats with the right people.
Hide it for a few months… People only care about things when it is at their peak, nobody will notice after the flames simmer down.
Also, move ahead with less drama. If you think this change will disturb you and others, wait for some time and then play your card. It may still hurt but you will at least not be consumed by it.
4. Unfollow your ex
If you experienced an abusive relationship, block your partner from all the social media channels without thinking twice.
Restrict all possible ways for them to contact you but be careful with each step you take.
For a normal breakup, build some boundaries even on your social media handles.
If you prefer no contact with your ex-partner, then unfollow them from everything. But in case you want a good relationship afterward, continue at your own mental risk.
Mute their profile and stop seeing them… Because every action in their life will cause turbulence in yours.
Also, slowly get yourself out of all the mutual relationships to avoid future contact.
5. Don’t check out your ex’s page
After breaking up, you might want to know what’s going on in their life. If it’s as miserable as yours or whether they have moved on.
Don’t let these thoughts engage your mind. Also, don’t stalk your ex-partner’s whereabouts. No scrolling on their insta pages!
If you still feel that urge, then remind yourself of the situations you have been through.
That should help you deal with social media, atleast.
Next up, let’s deal with the situation where you and your partner were having a long time live-in relationship.
If you both are living together
When you are in a live-in relationship and have been together for a long time, it leaves you with an extra pile of troubles post-breakup
Don’t be overwhelmed with it and take one step after another. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to overcome this situation.
Other than that, here are a few tips that you must consider.
1. Consider shifting your space
Normally, you won’t feel like staying under the same roof with your ex… after all, the memories won’t let you move on.
It is difficult to look at the couch where you slept together cuddling or the bedroom where you experienced magical moments.
These emotional roller-coaster rides will make you feel helpless and shattered.
So it is better to shift to another place and start everything fresh.
2. If you can’t bear shifting expenses…
If you are not in a situation to afford shifting expenses, then you can try replacing old memories with new ones.
Confused about what to keep and what to throw away?
Stand in front of your room or the hallway. Discard every item that will remind you of them and replace it with something new.
Donate the discarded materials to share some happiness with the needy.
3. Embrace a positive living environment
Change the looks of your indoor environment into a peaceful and positive shelter. Plant trees around you, change the bed linens, curtains, and every little thing with brighter colors.
Remember, you’re making this change to get rid of all the negativity… so take all the measures to do that.
You can’t complete this makeover in a day, so take your time and gently remove the past belongings from your life.
Showing anger or destroying things will only hurt you even more. Take help from your friends while doing it, that way you will also have mental support and motivation.
4. Box up memories
Dump the gifts, photos, or anything with past memories in a box. Do not keep any memory from the past, to ruin your present.
For the time being, if you are not ready to be apart, no worries, have them all packed up in a box and keep it away.
Fight the urge to open it. Now after you are done recovering from a breakup, choose if you want to keep the belongings or donate them.
5. Return their belongings
Many times, it happens that your partner, in the rage of a situation, goes out without their belongings. Now, what will you do with all of that?
Firstly take out a carton, pack every belonging into it, and put it aside for the time being.
After some days, ask them to collect it. If they agree then politely deliver it, but in case they don’t want them back, donate it to the needy ones.
Also inform them, in case they demand it back from you in future.
Even if you’re not under the same roof, you both possibly belong to the same social circle… So what will you do…
If you both have mutual friends
As humans, we are all interested in knowing the whereabouts of another person’s life.
In case they are your friends or more specifically mutual friends with your partner then it might be a problem for you.
Let’s see what we can do to deal with this?
1. Don’t give gossip.
The first strategy to deal with such a situation is to never go into details about what exactly happened.
Feel that venting out will help release the burden on your heart? Honey, be sure that you are doing it with the right person.
No one cares about what you felt or went through, they will only believe things they want to.
They will have two stories to listen to… and not all of them are wise enough to consider it as two perspectives of two different people who went through something. They will just extract the “juice” of the story and keep talking about it.
Instead of moving on, you will find yourself stuck.
So, make sure to surround yourself with people who care for you and motivate you to live your life. Not the one that shows sympathy and laughs behind your back.
You do not need anyone’s sympathy or empathy, you are enough for yourself.
2. If they tarnish your image…
Did you find out that your ex-partner portrayed themselves as your victim? You, of course, cannot just sit there and listen to all the false allegations.
Then instead of pouring your heart out, just convey the actual facts.
You don’t have to bother about others’ opinions, just clear off the misunderstanding and leave. Also never go into deeper responses.
Just convey the story as it is and find your way out. Be neutral when you talk about your partner, don’t pass any judgemental remarks.
3. Don’t prove yourself to anyone
Some people will voice their opinions without experience. If you think these opinions are not valid and absolutely vague, just ignore them.
Don’t try to convince them of the actual fact because if someone actually cares then they will listen to you instead of passing judgments.
So try to avoid such social gatherings with your mutual friends if you don’t want to engage in this melodrama.
4. Don’t ask your ex’s whereabouts
Never make this mistake about asking your friends your ex-partner’s whereabouts… that will not be beneficial for either of you.
It conveys that you still care about your ex’s life and want to get back in their life. Do you want to look like that? Of course not!
5. Flaunt your best side
If your mutual friends are more loyal to your ex, they will convey everything about you. From the shoes you wore to your eye bags… they might even stir troublesome rumors that you’re lovesick.
Put a tight slap on such people’s faces with a bomb outfit. Even if they try to share stupid rumors about you, they’ll look make a fool of themselves.
Also, decking yourself up feels great, boosts your confidence, so why not?
All that said and done… things become more complicated when you’re engaged with multiple partners. So, how would you deal with that? Let’s find out!
If you’re in a polyamorous relationship
A polyamorous relationship gets super complicated in case of a breakup. It can sometimes cause you twice the mental struggle than in monogamous relationships.
Don’t worry, I’ve got your back with these steps. Keep reading!
1. Talk about how you feel
Being in poly relationships and breaking up with one of the partners automatically brings you closer to the other partners.
It is very important to talk about how you really feel, some partners may not want to hear about your other relationship, but others might be all ears to your story.
2. Keep things clear and sorted
Poly relationships involve multiple people and so you must always communicate effectively to clear up any misunderstandings.
This way you will also know what’s going on in the other person’s mind and what they exactly want in a particular situation.
Be vocal about your emotional fallout and ask for what you really want. Respect the other person’s opinion too… because, you don’t need further complications here.
3. Discuss physical intimacy
If the breakup has impacted you mentally, you may not want to get intimate in the following days.
Partners who understand will be your emotional support and also help you overcome the mental breakdown.
But sometimes the loneliness after a breakup leaves you so hopeless that you want to indulge in physical intimacy with your poly partners.
4. You might require time and space
Your fallout with one partner may also affect your bond with the others. So communicate about what you really need in this particular phase.
It is natural if you want some time to find your ground back again.
5. Create new ground rules
Since you may not want to engage in any kind of physical intimacy, define some fresh ground rules for your other partners.
Be very specific about your actions in the situation that may have your ex-partner’s involvement.
Do the right thing and don’t make any decision led by your momentary emotions.
Further, if your relationship was bad or abusive, then you must inform your other poly partners. This may save them from the damage that you’re suffering.
If you were physically abused, certain physical contact might make you uncomfortable… so discuss them and create some rules for your comfort.
And finally comes the last challenge – Seeking help – most times, our ego or self-esteem keeps us away from the truth. We simply don’t want to accept that we’re vulnerable.
It is high time that we understand that…
It’s okay to ask for help.
Asking out for help does not imply you are weak or craving sympathy. It’s okay to collapse and rest until you can stand up stronger.
Replace all negative thoughts with positive energy in your life. Do not ignore your emotions, understand them and work on them.
If you were into an abusive relationship, take therapies to deal with the trauma.
Stop looking into the past and start working to make your future better.
Never think that your emotions are invalid. Vent out everything in front of your therapist and they’ll help you deal with it comfortably.
If you experience depression, suicidal thoughts, or want them back in your life, seek treatment from a professional and think about the people who love you unconditionally.
Live for them rather than being dead for someone who doesn’t even care for you.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Time heals every wound, so give yourself the time it needs. Don’t be harsh on yourself while addressing your emotions.
Instead, acknowledge them, understand them and then try to work on them.
In the end, the bottom line remains the same: it’s OK to break up, it’s OK to feel the pain, it’s OK to feel everything that you’re feeling right now
What matters is what you’re doing after… give up or fight back. I hope it’s the latter!
Remember, there’s no rush!
Be more kind and accepting towards yourself. You will gradually pick up the pace, get back to the good days, and one fine day, find out that you’ve finally filled a void.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...