Are you in a boring relationship? Do you feel that the spark between you both is nowhere to be found?
Believe it or not, feeling bored in a relationship is much more common than you think. A Few months into the relationship (or perhaps a year or two in some cases) and the novelty and hormonal high wear off. You just don’t feel the same way anymore. It’s very common.
But there’s always a way out of this boredom. To help you find that, I have prepared this detailed think-piece that will guide you on all the whats, whys, and hows about boring relationships…
What is A Boring Relationship?
When the period of passion and butterflies wears off, and you feel that your relationship is hitting a dead-end, it is called a boring relationship.
During the “honeymoon phase”, you are curious to know each other and what the life of another person seems like. But after spending some months or years with each other, all these things seem petty. You lose your curiosity, and it starts to get a little monotonous.
The tiny-little habits that once seemed cute now annoy you to the core. That fun and the free-spirited person you fell for has now turned into the most laid-back person to you.
You no longer discover something new about your partner every day. You’ve done everything you can think of, and the spontaneity has faded away.
Date nights mean going out to the same restaurant every month or to the movies once in a while. What was once a spontaneous expedition of falling in love has now turned into routine.
Is it normal to be in a boring relationship?
It is completely normal to feel a little dreary in a relationship. It usually happens after the “new relationship energy” wears off. You are not alone!
Honestly, it is completely normal to feel that you are in a boring relationship. According to relationship experts, boredom can set in anywhere from three months to two years. For most long-term relationships, it is the six-month mark, after which things begin to feel monotonous.
Here’s the thing – nature did not create us to be constantly stimulated and excited. That’s a lot for our nervous systems to handle! Boredom is a normal part of life, and it usually happens when we get too used to something.
In the case of relationships also, boredom creeps in when you get too used to the person or the life as a couple.
If you really think about it, you are not bored with the relationship or the person, you just get too comfortable with everything. You do not put in much effort as before, and that causes stagnancy in life, which eventually leads to boredom.
Why do relationships get boring?
This is a million-dollar question!
You had the perfect fairy-tale relationship. You were head-over-heels for each other. And just as you got a little comfortable with each other, BAM! Comfort turned into this awfully dreaded word – “boredom”.
Now, let’s not panic and try to understand why relationships feel boring after some time. Here are eight reasons to explain this further…
1. You both don’t put enough efforts
To keep a relationship fresh and exciting, you need to put in a little effort. The “YES” is not the end, it is just the beginning. You need to acknowledge each other’s interests, shower affection and continue to pay attention to your partner.
If you neglect each other, ignore each other’s feelings, and do not spend time with each other, how do you expect the relationship to blossom?
2. There’s nothing new to excite you
If you continue to do things that you both love all the time, it is bound to get boring soon. You go to the safe café, order the same dishes, watch the same type of movies, and do everything just like the initial days of your courtship. There is nothing new to look forward to as a couple.
3. Everything is a routine
Routine is good for personal growth. But it is equally harmful when you want to spice things up in your relationship. Once you get too comfortable with each other, life as a couple becomes routine.
You know you will meet; you know the place where you will meet, you know what your partner likes or dislikes and you just repeat everything over and over again. Your love life gets stuck in a loop – like living a single day over and over again.
4. Communication is missing
A healthy relationship requires good communication between partners. Communication helps meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship. The lack of good communication slackens the growth of a relationship.
5. Too lazy to combat boredom
Once you get too comfortable in the relationship, you become lazy. You begin to take things for granted and put in no effort to fix what is wrong.
This relationship will then begin to seem boring, while in reality, you are just too comfortable with how things are already.
6. Compatibility needs work
In a healthy relationship, people have mutual, connected, or symbiotic goals. People either work towards the same general objectives, or they have individual goals that facilitate those of the other.
A decent level of basic compatibility is required to keep a relationship alive. When there is a lack of common interests and goals, it becomes a challenge to keep two people connected.
7. You do not have a life
Relationships can seem boring if you do not have anything else to do other than being in the relationship.
You give up your own interests and life goals. You do not have a hobby to keep you engaged. You do not catch up with your friends and family that often. Basically, without this relationship, you have no existence at all!
8. Physical and emotional intimacy is weak
Physical intimacy plays a big role in keeping the excitement alive in a relationship. Lack of action in the bedroom often leads to boredom in the relationship.
Emotional intimacy is equally important to keep the spark alive in the relationship. If you do not feel comfortable expressing your feelings or sharing your opinions and weaknesses, the relationship is bound to feel sabotaged.
Signs of a boring relationship
Boredom is a sneaky little fellow – you never realize when it actually creeps into your relationship. Yes, that’s a problem. But worry not, because here’s a list of 15 signs that will give you a heads-up that your relationship is about to enter a slump.
Read on to know more about these signs…
1. You have nothing to talk about
When you both are together yet have nothing to talk about, that is a warning sign that there is something wrong with your relationship.
For example, you go out on a fancy date together yet spend your time on your phones rather than talking to each other. You two have nothing to discuss. This usually happens when your relationship is facing a slump.
2. You have sworn off communication
Communication is extremely essential for a healthy relationship. If you two do not communicate with each other well, there will be a lot of misunderstandings.
Misunderstandings damage relationships more than anything else. You need to express your concerns and feelings to each other.
3. You just do not care
Relationships need a lot of work and effort to make them work. If you realize that there is something wrong between you two, but if you’ve stopped putting efforts into fixing it, you are probably losing interest in your relationship.
4. You feel attracted to others
When you are not satisfied with your relationship, you tend to get attracted towards others. When a relationship is fun and interesting, you will never fantasize about anyone else!
5. Your emotions disagree with each other
When you are bored with each other, your emotions will be contradictory to each other. You might love that person dearly but you still might be quite unhappy with them.
6. You avoid each other
The more bored you are in a relationship, the more you start to avoid each other. When nothing in the other person interests you – their life, their thoughts, their feelings, you begin to avoid them and vice versa.
You do not find a reason to be around each other. Your partner’s existence slowly becomes insignificant to you.
7. There is no talk about the future
A boring relationship really has no bright future. So, obviously, you two would avoid such a conversation at all costs. Neither of you would be interested to talk about the next big step in the relationship.
8. You resent each other
Anger leads to resentment. If you and your partner fight over trivial issues it is obvious that you would start to resent each other soon.
Once this feeling of resentment sets in, you are bound to feel bored with your relationship.
9. You prefer to spend time alone
When you are bored in your relationship, you would prefer to spend more time with yourself than with your partner. The little things that you used to find interesting about your partner now seem to annoy you.
10. Sex has taken a backseat
Sexual intimacy plays a big role to keep people together in a relationship. When a relationship gets boring, you do not get intimate as often.
11. Romance has flown out of the window
When boredom sets in, you find no reason to woo each other. You become absolutely weary to do anything to impress your partner or even make your partner feel special.
12. You do not want to fix anything
You can see there is something wrong with your relationship. You can understand that it might actually ruin this relationship for good. But you do not put in any amount of effort to fix it.
This is only because you are completely bored in the relationship and you are not bothered to address the issues with your partner.
13. You are restless
When you get bored in a relationship, you start to feel impatient. You feel edgy and uncomfortable because you are unable to put your finger on why you have lost interest in the relationship.
You also feel that this relationship with your partner makes you lose out on a lot in life.
14. You are tempted to be single
Once you feel bored in a relationship, you feel the urge to break up and be single again. You want to live life on your own terms and get rid of any obligations that tie you down in a relationship.
15. Life has been BAU
When you stop trying out new things together as a couple, boredom sets in. So, if you are bored with your relationship, chances are high that you two have not ventured out together to try anything new (like a new hobby or explore a new place or just do something random but fun).
How to fix a boring relationship?
According to relationship experts, there are plenty of ways to combat the day-to-day lull of long-term relationships, including…
1. Talk to each other
Most couples only have surface-level conversations. They talk about the day, the weather, and what they did at work but never go any deeper than that.
While you can’t expect to get deep and philosophical every single day, you can prevent boredom with healthy conversations on a regular basis.
2. Spice up your sex life
Always remember that good sex leads to a happy relationship. Bring some action back into your bedroom to get yourselves to crave each other like – maybe new positions or role-playing or dirty talking. It can be anything!
3. Try new things
As a couple, you both must be involved in fun activities and explore new interests. To get your relationship out of the slump, you need to get out of your comfort zones and engage in new activities together.
For example, you can travel to new places (also includes unplanned weekend getaways), watch tv and eat ice cream or go to the gym together, join dance classes or cookery classes even to stir up a little spice into your lives!
4. Make date nights special
This is one of the most important things that couples often neglect – date nights. Once you are in a relationship, it does not mean that date nights are meant for only special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays.
Make sure you two go out on more dates and treat each date night like your first.
5. Get professional help
If nothing works out, always seek the help of a relationship expert or a counselor. Research suggests that couples therapy can actually improve communication, responsiveness, and intimacy in a relationship.
If you feel you have put in 100% effort from your side but still you are unable to get the relationship out of the slump, always seek help from an expert.
Is the boring relationship worth saving?
Summary: If you love your partner from the bottom of your heart, it is always, ALWAYS worth to save your partner.
Whenever you enter into a serious relationship with someone, you want the relationship to be just as strong after five years as it was when you first started dating. But the reality is that as time goes on, many couples will find that the spark that brought them together starts to die out.
Some couples will learn to overcome this and get the spark back in their relationship. Others will just learn to cope with the relationship as it is. Many other couples will just break up entirely.
You need to evaluate your relationship status and decide if it is worth saving or not. If you feel that you can actually do something to fix it – great, go ahead. But if you feel that there is nothing left for you in the relationship and you see no reason to carry on with the unhappiness and resentment, it would be only wise to break up right now.
The questions you should ask yourself are – Can I do something to fix my relationship? Do I really want this relationship to work out? Do I love my partner?
If the answers to all these questions are a “yes”, you must re-read the above section and do whatever it takes to fix your relationship!
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Relationships are funny things – new ones can feel like a shiny new sports car – exciting, fun, and a little bit adventurous. But then, before you know it, it can feel like a hatchback – dull, boring, and very typical.
After the golden honeymoon phase is over, it is natural for a relationship to ebb and flow – just like the tides. Although experiencing boredom in a relationship does not sound like the most serious problem couples can face, it is still a matter that requires your attention.
It is never too late to reconnect with your partner and rediscover the joy and excitement you once had. You need to put in a little extra effort from time to time to make sure you both enjoy being together.
Even if you struggle to do it alone, you can always turn to licensed clinical therapists for professional advice that will help you bring the spice back into your relationship again.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...