So, you want to know what is courtship? Then I’m sure you want to settle down and are looking for someone stable in your life.
Well, I’m so happy that you want to finally build a home. Well, you’re very close to your happily ever after because at this age… courtship is your way to marriage, dating is still on the exploration stage.
Great job at reaching us… because this think-piece is your one-stop solution to understand what you want.
Once you know the pros and cons of courtship over dating, you’ll be free from confusion.
So, with hopes for a happy marriage, let’s find out what’s waiting in store for you…
…and I hope you find your life partner soon!
What is Courtship?
Traditionally, courtship is the period when a man wooed a woman with her parent’s and/or Church or God’s blessings, with the intention of marriage. The pair doesn’t get sexually or emotionally involved in this phase.
Courtship is a period to traditionally woo or impress a person for marriage purposes.
Back in the time men used to show grand courtship behaviors like bending on a knee with gifts like flowers or chocolates. It’s a way to show his interest in the woman.
People courted in private and informally, in public, or formally with family approval. It usually happened after a betrothal until two people got married.
Courting couples indulge neither in physical intimacy nor sexual ones. So, you can guess it’s old-fashioned. Its origins date back to the 16th century.
During the Christian courtship period, couples honor God, parents, and mentors and tread on this path. It’s a way to see if God really wills their union.
Courtship helps males and females develop a deep bond while spending time. It’s a way to gain blessings of purity and not give your heart to others in pieces.
Wondering how long this phase works? Let’s know it all here…
What is the duration of courtship? (Average length of courtship)
The courtship span differs from person to person. However, as per UK polls, it took a maximum of 3 years until a girl accepted the marriage proposal.
The average length of courtship isn’t fixed. It always depends on the couples, tradition, culture, and geographic location.
In a 2008 UK poll on 3000 couples, they found that on average, couples accepted the marriage proposal after a courtship of 2 years and 11 months since the first meeting.
The women felt ready to accept the proposal around 2 years and 7 months. On average, the marriage took place after another 2 years and 3 months from the proposal.
Wondering if it’s still popular these days? Let’s find your answer here…
Do people still court today?
In the modern world, most youngsters hardly know about courtship. They shifted to the more casual form of courtship – dating. However, if someone is seriously dating, they might be on team courtship.
In the modern world, courtship took a different turn. Most people don’t follow the formal long-term serious courtship culture. They shifted to a more casual structure of the dating culture.
If someone dates intending to marry, you may call it courting. But if someone is dating for fun or sexual intimacy only, they’ll only reach out to shallow people.
In the US, with the dating scene in the mix, individuals became more lonely and relationships became complicated. You can hardly find many healthy long-term relationships.
As per the US Census Bureau, the average age for marriage in 2021 is more than 28 years and 30 years for women and men respectively.
Though the divorce rates are falling, about half of the population still undergoes divorce.
Does courtship happen the same way throughout the world? Let’s know about it here…
Courtship in Different Traditions
In some European-influenced cultures, courtship is quite easygoing. In some Asian countries, it’s much more strict. In some places, the bride and groom see one another’s face after marriage. The only common part is men giving women gifts and love letters.
Some European-influenced cultures follow a casual and laid-back structure. However, there are still many societies that follow a rigid dating structure with many rules.
In some cultures, women’s parents seek matchmaking services. They check resumes and pictures of potential mates.
When the couple chooses one another’s resume, they decide to formally meet in their parent’s presence.
In Japanese culture, such courtship from matchmaking is called Omiai. In Greater China, it’s Xianqin.
In the Philippines, courtship occurs in various stages and it usually takes more than a year. With the parents as witnesses, men send love letters, romantic poems, sing songs and buy gifts for women.
In stricter societies, there’s no courtship at all to protect chastity. Parents or matchmakers choose young people for arranged marriages themselves.
Traditionally, men only wooed women with gifts, love confessions in person with songs or through letters. There were even special postal services to exchange love letters between men and women.
Wondering how courtship changed with time? Let’s go with the flow of the…
Courtship in the modern world
The term dating was initially used for prostitution in the early 19th century. In the early 20th century, it was replaced with a much more casual structure – dating. In the late 20th century, it became more private and all about sexual relationships.
Originally, courtship included a single man approaching a single woman. He had to go through the woman’s father. They then conducted their relationship under the father’s /family’s/church’s approval.
Traditional courtship included together time between the families. Commitment gained priority over intimacy. In the modern world, this structure slowly changed into dating.
In the 1820s, dating was linked with prostitution. In the 1920s, young people dated for fun, not to fall in love. In the 1930s, people assumed that any young person had many dates.
In the early 20th century, people conducted dating publicly. Around the 1960s, following the sexual revolution, dating became a private affair along with pre-marital sex.
Possibly wondering how courtship and dating are different? Well, here are some answers for you…
Courtship vs dating
Dating and courting are confusing topics to many. Many might think both are the same or that courtship is Elizabethan English.
After all, people don’t use this term anymore. So there are more assumptions about it than facts. But now, let’s know about the facts here…
|Meaning||It’s when a male and female familiarize with one another and build a bond before marriage.||It’s a modern relationship trend. Couples stick around to know if they’re compatible.|
|Purpose||It’s a commitment to marry one another.||There’s no long-term commitment for marriage in this.|
|Sexual intimacy||Couples don’t engage in pre-marital sexual relationships.||Couples usually engage in pre-marital sex.|
|Emotional intimacy||By the time a pair becomes marriage partners, they develop deep emotional bonds.||In dating, couples usually don’t form emotional bonds. (exceptions exist)|
|Lust vs Love||Love wins over because emotional intimacy is more important.||Usually, lust wins because of the openness to frequent premarital sex.|
|Parental surveillance||Courtship begins with parents’, mentors’, or God’s protection.||If the couple becomes serious, they may meet family members later. The relationship begins without others’ permission.|
|Dispute topics||Fights are about life decisions like having children, finances, jobs, etc.||Fights are based on distrust, jealousy, and demands.|
Possibly, the table didn’t explain enough for you. So, let’s know the valid differences a bit more deeply here…
1. The definition
Courtship is the stage when couples know more about one another. They develop a deep meaningful relationship with marriage in mind.
Dating is a much more casual version of courtship. Couples meet in person or try online dating to know if they click. People might date seriously, casually, or just for sex.
2. Courtship is for marriage, dating isn’t
Courting is much more serious than dating because their purpose is marriage with God’s blessings. They didn’t want to spend time aimlessly with someone they might not marry.
If things didn’t work out in the end, there was bitterness. However, people accepted it because that’s God’s will. Both parties’ happiness matters to the other.
Dating is just for having fun and enjoying the thrill of romantic relationships. It’s usually a quest to find selfish happiness.
3. Premarital sex is No-No in courtship, but Yes-Yes in dating
In courtship, both partners respect one another’s body and soul. The couple knows that they’ll eventually get married.
They don’t hurry about sex before marriage. It’s also about religious norms which don’t mark premarital sex as a sin.
In dating relationships, premarital sex is quite normal. It doesn’t imply participants don’t respect their bodies. It’s a choice because most modern-day couples prioritize sexual gratification.
4. Emotions overflow in courtship, maybe not in dating
In courtship, couples want to make their situation work into a marriage. They honestly try to bond emotionally so things work smoothly after the marriage.
In dating, emotional attachment mostly gets the last priority. Couples don’t like emotional attachments – either because the relationship is shallow, or for some other reason.
5. Love is prominent in courtship, in dating its lust
To make a marriage work, you need love, understanding, and a sense of unity. While courting, couples prioritized exactly that. They kept away their lusty side because that’s God’s preaching.
They rather became loving couples before mating partners.
On the flip side, dating couples want to satisfy their desires more. They get into sexual relationships frequently. Most of the love in dating couples depends on sexual compatibility.
But of course, there are exceptions.
6. Parents are involved in courtship, not in dating
A courtship occurs under parents’ or mentors’ and Gods’ blessings. A man and a woman, other than married couples, hanging out together was fuel for gossip.
So, women never hung out with men without their parents’ permission. Most of the time, they met suitors through matchmakers.
On the contrary, two people start dating on their own. They choose their partner on their own based on appearance and compatibility factors. They don’t depend on family status like courtship.
Only if they get serious, they might include family members in the scene. However, if there are status, religion, caste, race, ethnicity, or other differences… families might oppose the relationship.
7. Courting couples fight about heavy topics, it’s different from dating
In dating and courting, couples fight on totally different topics.
Back in the time, courting couples had complications over when they’ll have children, how many, how much will they save and spend, where the husband’s parents will stay, and so on.
In modern dating, it’s all about seeking attention – why don’t you make time for me? – confronting a distrustful situation – who was that man? – and other likely topics.
Wondering how courtship works? First, let’s check the religious aspect here…
How does courtship work? (Christian Courtship)
Courtship for a long-time involved God’s blessings. In Christianity, men undergo many phases to get to the actual phase. They also emphasize the Lord’s preachings in the Bible.
Traditionally, all Christianity followers followed a similar pathway to find their compatible partner like these…
1. Men initiate courtship
Initiating courtship is a man’s task. They seek their parents and God’s authority or pastor before courting a woman. He learns of his responsibilities as a husband during this period.
He must have deep faith in God, treat other women as sisters, protect his chastity before marriage, have a stable job to provide for a family, have leadership qualities, and make time for one another’s loved ones.
After getting the permission, he seeks the woman’s father’s permission. The courtship begins after he gets permission.
2. Both bond with the other’s family
The couple meets in their family’s presence and communicates in front of them. This helps the elders identify compatibility between the two.
They participate in one another’s family functions, even if they live far away. The family supports them to become more compatible with one another.
3. The families establish accountability
The families communicate with the young couple about the roles and responsibilities. They learn about the dos and don’ts of spiritual health, relationship progress, emotional bonding, and physical intimacy.
They help the couple honor God and one another in this way. With the elder’s surveillance, the couple strives harder to perform favorably.
The couple also learns how to deal with relationship hardships from their mentors. Religious mentors were like counselors who helped couples figure out their way in the relationship.
4. They prevent making fake promises
They aren’t allowed to make fake promises or mislead one another. Women aren’t allowed to wear excessive makeup or behave like someone she isn’t. Men mustn’t promise women marriage if they aren’t sure.
The mentors preach to guard their hearts until their marriage is sure. This also prevents them from falling in love with someone they might not marry.
It’s so that individuals don’t feel regretful, ashamed, or afraid about their courtship.
5. The couple becomes friends
When the couple understands their responsibilities and boundaries, they spend as much time together as possible. They become good friends and identify their compatible sides.
Their activities and conversations solely revolve around knowing one another better.
However, they mustn’t spend too many hours all alone with one another. That’s when feelings develop and complicate the arrangement. They might even give in to sexual desires.
So, for private conversations, they must have small activities for privacy, but mustn’t be secluded too long.
6. They must end it ASAP
Courtship sessions mustn’t be too long, else emotional attachment is inevitable. It might lead to confusion, frustration, and/or disillusionment.
Even if they only develop platonic feelings, they’ll hurt if they don’t get married.
They must both focus on pleasing God and tread on His path. God only allows married couples to please one another.
7. They must have a common goal
Both partners must stay true to their promises to their family, pastor, and God. They mustn’t break any promise to stay chaste, to not defraud, or to stay emotionally unattached.
They must understand, their goal is marriage, but the courtship doesn’t promise that. It may take them to attend many courtships to find their perfect fit.
8. They end the courtship with Grace
If they find that God doesn’t bless this union, the courtship ends. If anyone feels bitter, they must remind themselves of the goals.
If the couple hurts, they must receive healing from their parents or mentors… but they must stay grateful for God’s blessings.
However, in courtship, the exchanges between the pair are a bit different. Let’s know it clearly here…
The process of Courtship (Stages of courtship)
Once the man gets a chance to court the woman, certain things happen between the pair. Even though subtle, those small yet significant steps seal the deal.
Couples may not understand it themselves, but parents and family members notice it. So, let’s know it in-depth here…
Though flirting is the basic step, many claim they don’t know how to. Well, flirting is more of an instinctual behavior.
For instance, male animals put on a courtship display aka male courtship with their appearance. It’s a reproductive behavior.
The females exert sexual selection, i.e., they choose the male with the most impressive mating behavior.
In the breeding season, female animals also indulge in female courtship, but it’s very rare.
In humans, male sex always attracted females with chest puffs, standing straight with tucked stomachs. Females toss their hair and open their eyes wider.
Both genders make eye contact, smile, and fidget to express nervousness.
When both parties indulge in a deep copulatory gaze, that’s the mutual acknowledgment. They shift their bodies towards one another, reducing the self-grooming fidgeting (hair toss and chest puffs).
This is a short stage where couples prepare for the next stage.
3. Engaging conversations
This is a critical courtship stage so it usually feels risky. Couples have funny exchanges but their voices shift.
Sometimes their tone becomes higher, melodic, or softer like when you speak with ill children.
During this point, they also share about their lifestyle, education levels, word choice, grammar, and other things that either of them deems important.
If it goes well, they proceed to the next stage.
4. Physical contact
There’s no unrestricted touching in this phase. Rather, couples lean forward, rest an arm towards the other, move their feet towards one another, and pat or stroke the others’ arms.
This leads to socially acceptable touching like hand-holding and arms brushing. It’s a deal when the other person reciprocates it.
5. Body harmony
This is when the pair syncs their body movement unconsciously. They might pick the food from the same dish at once.
Initially, they feel awkward about it. But with time, they start imitating one another more distinctly. Like, when the girl scratches her neck, so does the boy.
Even before the pair understands, their family understands their compatibility with these signs of courtship.
Wondering what’s the hype about courtship? Let’s find the secrets here…
What is the importance of courtship?
In dating, people work on their selfish desires and take lengthy steps without judging their compatibility. It’s the complete opposite in courtship and it saves many lives from ruins.
Sometimes, individuals meet new people through social connections. They feel attracted, go on dates and label one another as boyfriend and girlfriend.
They feel confident and decide to cohabitate. This further makes the relationship more intense. It becomes tough to stop this rapid development.
However, the relationship foundation was shallow. They depended on sexual chemistry and fun only, but have no idea about the hardships. Moreover, if they have children, it becomes more confusing.
Further, they understand the real meaning of compatibility. They separate and their lives become distraught as single parents, financial and emotional struggles, and children without nourishment.
Since courtship is a much more logical take at pursuing a person. Modern courtship, unlike dating, allows you time to understand one another before you take a big step.
The importance of Courtship in marriage is that you don’t act on whims, work slowly as friends, and become lovers later.
Wondering how to begin your small talk with a potential partner? Let’s know them along the way…
What to talk about during courtship?
Courtship is serious but don’t grill your partner or make them uncomfortable. Ask them neutral questions that are important about your future after the marriage.
It might be about lifestyle, life choices, and much more. The main topics are…
What’s the worst scenario in marriages other than infidelity? Probably, a man having to choose between his wife and mom. Unfortunately, nowadays women seek men with deceased mothers.
It’s a twisted truth, so all couples must share about their family members. If you’ll be under the same roof as your parents, that’s another source of conflict.
So, know about one another’s parents, know if your partner is still attached to their parents… because you might feel helpless if they don’t support you.
If they can support logical decisions, that’s great.
Don’t ask your partner’s salary or savings – that ruins your impression.
Know how they use money, how much they invest in clothes, accessories, food, and other things. Know about their financial goals too.
Know one another’s career goals. Does anybody expect the other to leave their work? Or, are they free to work after marriage? If marriage is the end of a career, does this person want to get married?
How do you cope with work-life stress? How long do you work on the busiest days? How frequently do you go out of the station for work?
Such questions give an insight into what you’ll deal with in the future.
Have a pre-marital sex talk because someday you will have sex after marriage. If your sex life doesn’t work for you, you’ll have an unhappy marriage.
Discuss your preferred weekly frequency of sex, type of sexual actions, and whatever that comes to your mind. Be open and honest else there’s no point in making this conversation.
When do you want babies and how many? What’s your ideal gap for conception? What contraceptives will you use?
All of these matter… because if you don’t have the same thoughts, you’ll have a heck lot of issues.
Want even more detailed questions? Let’s take a peek here…
50 Questions to ask during Courtship
Sometimes you might be at a loss for words… either because the person in front of you is breathtaking or because you’re just shy in person, I don’t judge you for your reasons.
Rather, it’s great that you want to prepare your best. For you, I found the best questions to stay entertained and know a heck lot about them…
1. How were you in childhood?
2. What are your worst and best childhood memories?
3. What kind of people are your parents and siblings?
4. How do you get along with them?
5. What’s your fave leisurely activity?
6. What do you think about traveling?
7. Choose between a beach vacation and a mountain getaway.
8. If you get lots of money, will you spend it on food, clothes, travel, or something else?
9. What’s the dumbest thing you ever did?
10. What’s the craziest thing you did? Do you wanna do it again?
11. Choose the best you like: yoga, gym, something else, or nothing.
12. What food do you like the most?
13. How do you love spending your weekends?
14. Describe yourself with at most ten adjectives.
15. Name a book or movie you learned a lesson from.
16. Anything happened in the childhood that scarred you?
17. What’s your greatest life achievement?
18. Do you have any goals you wanna achieve before while you’re young?
19. Do you like animals? What kind of pets do you want?
20. Are you inked? If yes – what’s the meaning? If no – do you wanna?
21. What are the weirdest nicknames from your circles?
22. Since when do you know your best friend?
23. What kind of person is your best friend?
24. What do you like/hate about your best friend?
25. What are your to-go songs when angry, sad, happy, etc.?
26. How open are you to trying new sexual activities?
27. What’s your fave movie genre?
28. What’s your fave web series or TV series?
29. When was the last time you cried and why?
30. What do you love/hate in life?
31. What makes you insecure the most?
32. What do you fear the most?
33. Imagine yourself on a foreign island, with no gadget, internet, or connectivity. You will get 100 billion if you stay till the end. Are you game?
34. If you had unlimited money, where would you travel?
35. What do you think about your religion or others’?
36. If either of us got a great job overseas, are you ready to move out?
37. Are you fond of children?
38. What did your worst heartbreak teach you?
39. How easily do you give up?
40. If communication gadgets were banned, you can still make the last call. Who will you call and what will you tell them?
41. Do you obsess over anything like gadgets, games, or accessories?
42. What are your five valuable possessions till now?
43. What is the best gift you ever got or given to another?
44. Ever made a bucket list? How many did you achieve from them? If you haven’t, wanna make one?
45. Have anything you wanna change about me?
46. On what did you spend the most the last time?
47. When was the last time you had sex?
48. What do you do to groom yourself?
49. If you had to sacrifice either your fave person or your fave pastime, what would you choose?
50. Define a perfect relationship in your mind.
Began courting but don’t know how to spend your time? Let’s find some interesting…
Things to do in courtship
During courtship, you have lots to do to make it work. It won’t always result in marriage unless you put in enough effort.
Be very proactive in this period because the moment you slack off, it’s your loss. Your partner may misinterpret your lack of enthusiasm as disinterest in the union. So, follow me…
1. Learn something new
Courtship is far more complicated but logical than modern dating. So, you gotta get the picture right. Learn to coordinate together with some new activity and work on your compatibility.
It must be something you guys never did before. It can be pottery, cooking, or an exotic dance.
2. Understand your partner’s needs
Is your partner really ready for marriage? Are they ready to marry you? Are they hiding any needs? What do they want in the long run?
Do they have the same thoughts on marriage as you? How open are they to sacrifices? What do they expect from you? Know all of these now.
3. Enroll for some couple activities
There are lots of couple goals in this world like wearing couple outfits, getting cute couple pictures.
Do them right because this is the time. Have the best time of your life with some cheesy romantic dates.
4. Go on a romantic vacay
Which is your fave romance movie? Where did the onscreen couples set out for vacations? Beach or mountains?
If you don’t have anything in mind, go for a road trip. Take your time understanding what you want.
5. Introduce your best buds
A must-do in courtship is introducing your best buds to each other. Your besties define your personality and outlook on life.
So, don’t even think about skipping it. And sometimes, your BFF notices things much better than you. Go get her/his approval now!
6. Workout together
Have marriage on your mind? Don’t you wanna look your best at the wedding?
Enroll in a workout class today and achieve your wedding look sooner. You’ll see one another all in their glorious sweaty form.
7. Go on a library date
Whether you guys love books or not, definitely try this. Pick out any book from your fave genre, read, and exchange it if you think it’s good. This will help you understand one another lot.
Discuss your thoughts on the books too. You won’t always have the same perceptions… but at least know how to work with them harmoniously.
8. Discuss your fave interior décor
Planning to move into a new house post-wedding? Discuss your décor choices. Even if you stay with family, you have some say in your room décor. So, build your safe and chic haven together.
9. Discuss your wedding expectations
What kind of wedding do you want? Do you wanna spend lavishly on it? If yes, are you both okay with that? What are your differences? Plan your wedding through the differences and similarities.
10. Surprise one another
Since you guys didn’t know one another, this is time for expressing more romantic gestures. Why don’t you surprise your partner with your spontaneity?
Don’t try to hide your inner romance. Let the feelings flow and show your partner what they’ll enjoy in the future.
You may take them for a candlelight dinner, a concert, but them some roses, chocolates or even jewelry.
11. Spend family time
Your families brought you two together. So, don’t ditch them completely and show gratitude. Even if there are some uncooperative family members, you’ll deal with them forever.
So, have a family vacation and bond better through the differences. Resolve any issues asap before the marriage. Strive forward with everyone’s blessings.
12. Don’t avoid fights
You can’t run away from a fight and mustn’t. Couples grow up with every fight they have. If you hide your needs or conflicting thoughts, it won’t work out. Conflict avoidance is a bad trait.
13. Be transparent
Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. If you have bad habits, show them to your partner. If you have some addiction, confess it to them. No point keeping them in the dark because they’ll know about it anyway.
14. Mean it when you apologize
You’re no Buddha so you’ll have spurs of anger. However, if you did them wrong, you better apologize to your partner. Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t suffice, neither does buying them sorry gifts.
Rather, tell them where you went wrong, why you’re sorry about it, and work on not repeating the same mistakes.
15. Own the differences
Sometimes, you just can’t change your view. Couples do adjust for the better, but there are some boundaries.
When you both have different opinions, stick to them. However, don’t let that affect your relationship but, if it’s a dealbreaker, consider calling it off.
But wait, I have more to say because it’s not just about enjoying the time. So, abide by these…
Courtship Period – Dos and Don’ts
In marriages, there are three sides – the groom, the bride, and the friends and family. All of them are equally involved in this marriage… it’s not the union of two hearts alone. It’s also about the two families.
So, to keep complications at bay, follow the dos and don’ts…
For the Groom
You might be enthusiastic but a bit unsure. You might feel expressing enthusiasm might be too much.
Well, most men feel a bit uncomfortable about expressing emotions and bending more. They worry about people judging their masculinity, But, let’s follow these to have a healthy marriage…
1. Express yourself clearly
Learn to communicate to avoid relationship issues down the lane. Sometimes, you may not have enough words to express yourself… sorry to stereotype but men aren’t good with complicated feelings.
So, look up some ways to communicate, be it over text or in person. Take care that they don’t misunderstand your words.
2. Let her lead
If she wants to lead the relationship, let her. Men initiate courting, but who said women can’t? It’ll also help you relax around her and know her quirks.
In fact, sometimes hang out and just ask her to lead you. She might show you a brand new view of this amazing world.
3. Be willing to compromise
Both you and your partner must be willing to compromise. Accept that your partner isn’t a perfect customized doll. She’ll have differences so think about finding the middle route.
If she wants something different, don’t disrespect her desires so long it doesn’t hurt you. Whenever you think it’s not working, take space and think it over.
4. Don’t interpret it as burdensome
Courtship consumes lots of time, energy, and resources. But are you sour about that? All of our ancestors did the same, so don’t be pessimistic.
If there’s any financial hindrance, talk to her about it. If you wanna split the bills, do it… however, if she isn’t a working woman, remember that you’ll take her responsibility for life.
5. Don’t feel insecure
If she has a brighter personality than yours, that’s okay. Women usually are better at socializing. This is a great boon for you.
Imagine having guests over but you can’t entertain them. Don’t you feel she’ll complement your personality the best? No need to feel insecure, rather feel proud and grateful to have her.
For the Bride
You must be scared to express yourself… hesitating because what if you’re not what they truly want.
Well, don’t bother about others’ opinions at this moment. Because this is when you make or break your life, so follow these…
1. Take charge of your life
Girl, don’t suppress your feelings. If you’re the bossy kind, show your true colors. Decide for yourself because women are equal to men in this current world.
Think you’re too wild for his meek self? That’s more reason to be yourself because you’ll be a breath of fresh air in his life.
2. Expect somewhat attention
Your partner may go all out to impress you or make very small yet meaningful gestures.
Notice them all and don’t judge them. Enjoy this attention and why not return the favor too? Your partner also deserves equal attention.
3. Expect some friction
Relationships aren’t just flowers and chocolates. You won’t always get your way because they’re wooing you.
Don’t expect too much from your partner. They’re human too so treat them like one.
4. Don’t keep him from his friends
Sometimes, he will need time with friends. Don’t stop him if it’s only once in a blue moon. Let him breathe and enjoy his bachelor life. That’s not a cue to let him live an outrageous life either.
5. Don’t neglect yours
While your partner spends time with their friends, why don’t you have fun too? Call over your friends, have a sleepover, or a night out. After marriage, your responsibilities will increase, so relish your current life.
You guys can’t wait to tease the lovebirds, right? I mean that’s what friends are for. They make the sweet memories even sweeter. But be careful that it doesn’t work the wrong way.
Worried about how to work things out? Follow these…
1. Don’t take the jokes too far
Your joke may hit someone else’s insecurities. So, keep the jokes down and let your friend feel comfortable. Your friend is anxious, try calming them instead of shaking them up.
2. Guide your friend
If your friend is confused about the courtship thingy, guide them. If they have trouble planning dates, give them ideas.
If they feel insecure, give them a pep talk. If they want help with wedding arrangements, help them.
3. Give them space
Though you’re your friend’s bestie, you’re still the third wheel. Your friend needs more couple time now. So, don’t ask them out too frequently on outings.
Give them some room and if you’re too lonely, seek other friends or a partner for yourself. Your friend might be more engaged with their fiancé, don’t feel jealous about it.
4. Don’t scare them
Your friend is already dying with anxiety. They’ll hyperventilate literally about anything. So, stop scaring them about random possibilities.
If you don’t know anything about bad marriages, in-laws, or cheating spouses, don’t talk about it.
5. Don’t discuss their intimacy
If your friend shared an intimate moment, keep it to yourself. Don’t share it with others and if you’re a blabbermouth, forget about it. They’re not fodder for gossip, they’re your friend.
For the couple
To both bride and groom, you both have some mutual obligations during the courtship. These steps will only work if your partner reciprocates them…
1. Take time showing vulnerabilities
You can’t express your vulnerabilities at your will instantly. You need time to warm up and open your heart.
So, don’t hurry yourself but don’t push it for later intentionally. Don’t force your partner either, bond for now and slowly unfurl your heart. Avoid misunderstandings right now.
2. Keep the future stress for later
Discuss your future but don’t plan from right now. For instance, you may decide when and how many children you wanna have later.
But don’t name them right now… that’s too much for some people. Don’t smother your partner with expectations.
3. Text appropriately
Texting is great because, in this world, you can’t always stick to one another. However, be very mindful about what you say.
Don’t text them for hours… because if you’re that free, why not meet in person? Stay away from online chatting to avoid misunderstandings.
Don’t send something like “Loose clothes look nice on you”… maybe you didn’t mean anything but your partner might think they’re fat.
4. Leave behind emotional baggage
If you had a bad relationship, don’t introduce the past feelings in this one. Don’t inquire about your partner’s past either.
Let bygones be bygones and be happy about the new possibilities. Embrace the present and look forward to a better future.
5. Share your dreams
What are your fears? What’s your passion? What do you think about an ideal life? Discuss your dreams and expectations together and keep an open mind about them. Hopefully, you’ll have the same dreams soon.
Wanna hit the marriage nail? Know it all from here…
What does it take to have a successful courtship? – 10 Tips
Courting is easy, but do all courtships lead to marriage? Not really, however, it does waste lots of time. You may feel sick about starting the entire process repeatedly. Possibly you want to find the surefire way to success, so strive forward with these…
1. Be firm about your decisions
Are you sure you wanna marry this person? No, I’m not discouraging you… but do you still think about an ex? If yes, then this is a bad step… a disastrous one.
Break off the engagement… don’t get married just because your family thinks you’ll forget your ex sooner.
2. Take care of your impression
The first time you go out with them, don’t mess up. I know it sounds even more pressurizing but it’s important.
Don’t poke at possible touchy topics and groom yourself. Attraction is a must for healthy marriages, so don’t slack off.
3. Keep the intimacy for later
Don’t rush into emotional or sexual intimacy. This is a major red flag if this is an arranged marriage.
If you know your partner for a long, you may have some emotional bonding. Specifically, keep the sex for later!
4. Share the complicated stuff
Is there something concerning about your family? After marriage whether you guys stay with family or not, share how people are.
Share if you have some important secrets. Transparency will help you build the best relationship or marriage ever.
5. Show off your personality
Don’t suppress your thoughts because your partner thinks otherwise. You’re a human and can have your own opinions.
Don’t hide your real self, you’re beautiful from the inside out. Even if you have insecurities, that’s no reason to conceal your true self.
6. Deal with the issues now
Did your partner tick you off? Don’t wait until the marriage and resolve it right now. If you don’t speak up now, the negativity will snowball.
You won’t feel good even during your marriage. The next time you have a fight in your marriage, it may blow up beyond measure. So, take time to fix it all now.
7. Make time for romance
Romance isn’t for everybody… you may not have enough time on your hands either. However, make it a point to have one romantic date weekly.
Make noticeable efforts so nobody blames you for not wooing your partner well.
8. Be verbal about future thoughts
Don’t expect your partner to understand all of your worries. They’re no mind reader so treat them like a human.
Share your worries about the future and get some insights. Perhaps you both are on the same page… and even if you’re not, figure it out.
9. Give them space
Initially, your partner won’t be so sure about the arrangement. So, don’t expect them to trust you instantly. Give them the time to know and judge you.
Other times, they just need space – both physical and emotional – without reason. Respect that if you want long-lasting happiness.
And the most important part – flirting. What’s flirting you ask? It’s not inappropriate touching or seducing with muscles or skimpy clothes.
It’s when you look into their eyes, maintain eye contact for a few seconds, and look away. However, flirting is different for everyone… it’s your natural response to your partner’s presence. So, be natural and respectful to make it work.
Don’t live in the same geographic area? Then this one’s for you…
Long distance courtship
Courtship practices at the age of technology are much easier. Nowadays, even a long-distance relationship (LDR) works for courtship.
Men don’t need to woo one another with diamonds, flowers, and chocolates when they have great postal services. So, let’s know how to court in style here…
1. Communicate honestly and openly
LDRs are a pain when you don’t know one another well. Even if you don’t wanna hide something, a lack of nonverbal communication confuses both parties.
So, be honest and expressive when you communicate. If you feel something doesn’t sit well with you, state it immediately.
2. Make sure you communicate in various ways
Also, communicate through texts, audio, and video calls. Keep up with all forms of communication.
Find out what’s more suitable for you guys. You’ll also understand their emotions better over calls. So, don’t skip this golden opportunity.
3. Share your dreams about the wedding
Make a Pinterest wedding board where you both can add ideas. Add whatever themes ornaments or decorations you desire for the wedding.
Or, make a chat group to share your wedding planning ideas. Make sure you both put equal effort even when you’re miles apart.
4. Spend more time watching shows together
Can’t have movie dates because you’re geographically distant? Well, technology got your back. Stream your fave Netflix shows on Discord or share screen.
Discuss the movie deets after you’re done. Know one another’s tastes even more through entertainment. If you guys don’t like the same genre, make sure you pick the movies alternately.
5. Surprise them with YOU or food
Wanna have a date but can’t treat them miles apart? Well, delivery roulette is at your service.
Order your partner something they’d like from their area. Order yourself the same food from your area. Make sure you know their food preferences and inhibitions beforehand.
Or, simply pay them a surprise visit if it’s possible.
6. Don’t ponder on failures
If you had a bad experience with LDR, remember this isn’t the same person. Your relationship will grow with time.
Let go of the trust issues and dare to believe once more. If you’re insecure, talk it out instead of overthinking.
7. Don’t plan too much for visits
You’re excited about when you’ll meet… I understand. However, don’t plan too much as it might disappoint you.
Keep time to breathe and spend time idly. You may also feel exhausted from too many plans so ponder on lazing indoors.
8. Prioritize your needs
If you’re in different time zones, working out a good time to communicate is hard. In such situations, don’t force yourself to stay awake at odd times.
Your body will suffer in the long run. Don’t forget that the wedding is close by, so gotta stay healthy and glow!
9. Plan for the next meet up
Are you waiting to meet them next time? Think you can spontaneously choose your activities then? That’s not a good idea because instant plans don’t always work.
List out some activities beforehand so you don’t get embarrassed.
10. Carefully exchange romantic texts
Exchanging romantic or even suggestive texts is exciting during courtship. However, be very careful about it if you don’t know the person too well.
Not to scare you, but it doesn’t hurt staying alert. Don’t share any risky content unless you’re sure about them.
But it’s not always a flowery field. Let’s check the thorny side here…
Challenges in courtship
Whether it’s dating, courting, or any other form of wooing… relationships are always complex. Traditional courtship is no different either.
It brings you some downsides which you might not face in regular relationships like these…
1. Pretense issues
In traditional courtship, you don’t get to spend too much time with your partner. So, it’s hard to understand if they’re bluffing.
Some people look you in the eye and say sweet words like they really mean it. But in their mind, they just want to get you for fun.
2. Culture clash
Another issue is the difference in culture. Where did this person spend their life? What are their manners? Are you intellectually and emotionally compatible?
It’s hard to find your answers if you don’t spend enough time with them in person. If you rush into marriage, you may have regrets.
3. Their character issues
What if your partner’s character isn’t appealing? Will you feel proud of their character in the long run? Well, you can’t know that if they’re good at pretending.
If someone wants to win you over with ill means, you really don’t have much choice. They might dazzle you with their cash and accessories, but that’s not enough to judge their character.
4. Their family issues
You don’t get to know their family members easily. If your partner’s mom is toxic and they’re a mama’s boy/girl, do you think they’ll be honest? They’ll rather hide it away until it’s too late.
5. Your family’s expectations
Sometimes, families don’t observe the bigger picture. Courtship was always around along with status, caste, and religious conservation.
Matchmakers and parents prioritize community over a good person. Then comes the financial stability of your partner.
If your parents have the same outlook and your partner is dead set on marrying you… you may not have a way out from a bad marriage.
But that’s not all… your head might buzz with too many courtship questions, so let’s know more here…
FAQs about courtship
Courtship, though old, isn’t an easy idea. It’s mainly because many people don’t practice it any longer.
Naturally, you might be unsure because it’s still unexplored. Moreover, parents aren’t always open to advice on it. So, check more info here…
The four stages of courtship are…
Stage 1: Meeting and introduction; Stage 2: Interest in them and infatuation; Stage 3: Falling in love and engagement; and Stage 4: Marriage.
The purpose of courtship is marriage. Dating doesn’t always lead to that.
Dating is a form of courting but it’s not vice versa. Courtship involves couple activities and dates… it leads to developing intimacy, but dating might not.
It’s not about being better. Rather, what do you want? Do you want to get married? Then courting is a better option. But if you only want a distraction or enjoyment in your life, dating is the better choice.
You can’t be certain ever.
Whether you court someone for 6 months or 2 years… duration does nothing matter for your marriage.
Rather, it depends on how much you know one another, your compatibility, communication styles, conflict resolution style, and whether you respect and trust one another.
Sometimes, couples court for over 3 years only to find themselves incompatible. So a long courtship isn’t the shortcut to a successful marriage.
Matchmakers will show you different pictures and resumes of potential partners. Your courtship[ might not lead to marriage… but at least stay true to yourself while wooing them.
If you see more than one person – it’s not cheating – but you can’t give fair attention to either partner.
You’ll lose a lot more than you believe you’ll gain. Courting multiple people ruins your chances more.
A word for ThePleasantRelationship
Whether you choose courtship or dating, it’s all up to you. However, in the end, committed relationships begin with pure intentions.
If you and your partner are dating and serious about one another, it’ll eventually work out for the best.
Don’t forget a healthy relationship or marriage is the fruit of two partners’ united efforts and not individual ones.
You may be a great person yourself, but your courtship might not work out because of your partner’s lack.
If you feel your partner neglects you frequently and suspect that the arrangement may not work out… talk to your partner about it. Don’t jump to conclusions and you might find out the best way.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...