The dreaded dilemma of friend zone is very much real
…and heart-breaking.
Especially when you have desired a real relationship for so long.
It can put you in a never-ending trap of hope and agony. You feel like you have a chance when in reality, you don’t.
But here’s the good news: you can get out of it.
How. When. What. Where.
All your questions will be answered. Just stick with me till the end and I guarantee you, you will be able to crawl your way out of this exhausting situation.
So, before we jump onto the solution, let’s first understand the problem from the crux.
Friend Zone Infographic
What Does Friend Zone Mean?
SUMMARY
Friend zone is the middle space between friendship and a relationship where you do things like a romantic partner would do without being one.
Put simply, Friend zone is a mismatch in romantic interests between two people
…a form of unrequited love
…a kind of rejection.
…a situation where one party has developed romantic feelings, while the other “only wants to be friends.”
But no matter what people tell you, remember…
Friendzone is not a threshold that guarantees your chance at a romantic relationship and it’s definitely not a queue people put you in because you are “on hold”.
It’s just a space you find yourself trapped in when your love interest trusts you enough to confide in you but doesn’t see you as a romantic or sexual partner.
It might not be permanent but it’s not really temporary either unless you choose to make it.
Some people have definitely been successful in taking it forward with a full-fledged relationship but that doesn’t mean you can be one of them too. (you might or might not be).
The longevity of the friend zone may depend on your personality, your partner’s feelings or maybe just good timing.
So, you never know.
In my opinion, even if there’s a romantic relationship waiting on the other side of the shore, the damage from friend-zoning is still not worth it.
Before we move ahead with the details of the subject, there’s one more definition that you must be aware of.
and, that is…
Friendzoned – What Does It Mean?
Friend zoned or being in the friend zone sucks.
Really really sucks.
Especially for the guys.
Like Imagine, you like a girl > get attracted to her > fall in love > show interest > propose to her > She says ‘I like you but as a friend!’
…and bam!
You are friend zoned… just like that.
Whilst you can’t stop dreaming about her in your arms, she sees you as a great friend.
She even shares all her deep secrets with you and also the guys she really likes – while you just listen and let your romantic dreams die in lieu of “I don’t want to ruin the friendship”.
For girls, it’s not so easy either unless she is the one friend zoning you. This means the pain is equally tormenting for her when she is the victim.
Yes, girls also get friend zoned. It’s rare but not non-extinct.
But hey, it’s time to ask yourself: Is it really worth it?
All that mental trauma and emotional turmoil… Do you think you deserve that?
If all this while, you have been convincing yourself with “No, I am not in the friendzone… She is just flirting!” – here’s how you can tell the difference.
Flirting vs Friend zone
It is possible that the other person is not sure how to proceed or initiate a romantic relationship and thus hides it in the form of friend zone. (But, that’s only when you are lucky).
…and you are not always lucky.
You can tell when you are. Here’s how!
| Flirting | Friend zone |
| They find excuses to be around you or spend some alone time with you. | You find excuses to spend time alone with them or are usually situational. |
| They compliment you with a strange energy, sometimes playfulness, and some shyness. | The compliments are bold and straight, they don’t feel embarrassed about it. |
| The touch is different and not familiar. They do it just with you. | They are not unique in physical contact and do it with everyone else. |
| The response to your teasing is triggering. | They don’t respond to your banter with eagerness. It is rather dull with no intention to further the flirting. |
| You have never been labelled as a “friend”. Instead they usually call you a “great guy or girl” while introducing you. | You have often been characterized as a “good friend” in parties or group meetings. |
| In parties or group meetings, they naturally gravitate towards you and are always near you. | They don’t flicker around you, nor find the reason to be near you. |
| They try to trigger jealousy in you by vague talking about romantic crushes. | They don’t shy away from discussing other romantic interests and are usually clear about how they are seeking someone else. |
| You feel the nervousness in them when you try to further the flirting. | They don’t care about your advances and show no positive responses. |
So now, it must be clear to you…
…what is flirting
and, what is friendzoning.
But wait, are you hiding the truth in lieu of friendship?
So here are some telltale signs that can tell you the difference.
Friendship vs Friendzone
The other person might seriously consider you a friend and a safe place to confide in. But that doesn’t mean he/she hasn’t friend zoned you.
They have. You are just trying to play it cool because you are afraid of breaking the friendship.
| Friendship | Friend zone |
| Both of you consider each other good friends. | Whilst you have developed a romantic interest, they still consider you as a friend. |
| Both of you discuss about your romantic interests and potential partners | They discuss their romantic interests but you don’t |
| Both of you refer to each other as friends (just like you should) | Since you are seeking more, you don’t refer to them as friends but they do. |
| You both don’t mind hanging out alone or in groups | You want to hang out alone while they want to go out in groups |
All clear?
Now let’s get to the crux and jump to the most awaited question –
Am I in the Friend zone?
I am sure this question has been troubling you ever since you started reading this article.
There are several ways to recognize whether or not you are trapped in this traumatic situation. Let’s begin with what they say when you are the intent is to friend zone you.
1. What they say: Ofcourse, I am interested in hanging out with you. Let’s invite others also. We will have so much fun.
What they really mean: I am not comfortable going out with you alone.
2. What they say: Hey you are a great friend. Never doubt that.
What they really mean: You are nothing more than a “friend”
3. What they say: I love you but as a friend!
What they really mean: [Exactly what you heard]
4. What they say: I am so lucky to have a friend like you who is always there.
What they really mean: You are a friend and you will always remain one. I will keep taking the benefit of you and never revert.
If you have ever heard any of this (or something similar, you know you are in the friend zone.
This was about what they say, let’s find out what they do to make you understand that you are nothing more than a friend.
You can also call this
The Friendzone Test
Or,
Friend zone Signs
NOTE
If you spot two or more of these signs on your current situation, it’s a red flag!
1. They talk to you about their problems.
People feel most comfortable sharing their problems with friends. If there’s any romanticism involved, your crush will try to hide their vulnerabilities from you.
They want to seem more exciting and mysterious to you.
So, if your crush says, “I wanted to call you when I was facing this” or “I am so glad you are always beside me,” it is usually a sign of friendship.
Don’t mistake it as a sign of comfort in relationship.
2. They mention their crushes
If a person is into you, they’ll never mention their past crushes to you.
So, if your crush talks about their crushes or mentions how their cute co-worker helped them, you’re clearly in the friend zone.
Moreover, if they ask you for advice to lure their crush, they definitely don’t want you.
3. They gave you friendly nicknames
When you’re crushing over someone, you tend to give them romantic nicknames like ‘bae’ or ‘darling’.
Similarly, if your crush calls you friendly, corny nicknames like ‘Bro,’ Buddy,’ ‘Kiddo’, these nicknames mean they have no love feelings for you, at least for now.
Take this as a considerable sign of being in the Friend Zone.
However, it doesn’t mean that they will not see you as their romantic partner in the future, so keep trying!
4. You console them when they break up
After a breakup, if they seek your shoulder out of everyone else, it symbolizes that you are in the friend zone.
So, if you find yourself carrying their favorite ice cream tub or chocolate to console them, you are only fulfilling your friendship duties.
If your crush speaks out their heart to you during such times, and you say, ‘You deserve better…’ consider it a red flag.
Hence, being a shoulder during their tough times indicates that you are their good partner… but it does not imply that they want something more from you.
5. They feel comfortable changing clothes with you in the room
Do you mind changing clothes in front of your friends? No, because you are pretty comfortable around them. You trust they don’t have wrong intentions towards you.
Similarly, if your crush doesn’t mind dressing in your presence… it indicates their lack of romantic feelings. If it’s present, they’ll act more cautiously about such actions.
You are only a friend to them, so don’t misunderstand it as a sign that they are interested in you.
6. You don’t hold hands while sharing a bed
When you are in bed with someone, it naturally heats you both.
But if you don’t hold hands or cuddle with your crush, it is an ultimate sign that they consider you only a great friend.
You might not get a chance to be on a bed with your crush often, but whenever this happens, you will get the real answer about their feelings for you.
Moreover, if they are in pajamas with you on the bed… or are least bothered about their looks, it definitely means you are in the friend zone.
7. Their family knows you as a friend
If you think you guys match perfectly… but your crush introduced you as a normal friend to their family… evidently, you’re nothing more than a friend.
People might force you to date them or tell you that you are made for each other… but your crush might not feel the same about it.
Because if they did, introducing you to their family was a huge deal for them.
8. They are very comfortable in your presence
When you experience romantic feelings for someone, you’ll be a little nervous because you want to impress them.
Use this condition to test how your crush feels about you.
See if they constantly fidget around you, laugh without any purpose, fix their appearance constantly, or behave more maturely when you are around. If they do any of these, then they have romantic feelings for you.
But if they behave naturally and talk in an uncensored manner, you are probably still in the friend zone.
9. They seek dates for you
Nobody wants to set up their crush with others. So, if your crush says that their cousin is a good match for you, or suggests dating their friend, consider it a clear sign.
C’mon, if you have romantic feelings for someone, you won’t want to see them with anybody else. So, if your crush had feelings for you, they won’t set you up with someone else.
Or, it can be your crush’s way of suggesting you to romantically invest somewhere else rather than them.
10. You indulge in their fave activities alone
When you are interested in somebody, you try to impress them. You want to do their favorite activities so they like you.
But if your crush doesn’t show enthusiasm about your liked activities, take this as a red flag.
If you are only a friend to them, you will always land up with their activities. They wouldn’t bother much to fulfill your desires.
11. You don’t make much physical contact.
When you have feelings for someone, you wanna stick to them or touch them. For this, you keep touching each other without any particular reason.
But if you and your crush do not share much physical contact, they might just see you as a friend.
If you want to test their feelings, play with their arms or hair, and notice their reaction. You will get your answer.
12. They ask for non-romantic favors.
Do you take their dog out for a walk? Or do you offer them rides to places they want to visit?
If you are involved in such daily tasks for them, sorry, my friend, but they are not romantically involved with you. Otherwise, they won’t ask you to do non-romantic errands for them always.
So, if none of your favors ignites a romantic spark within you two, why are you even doing this? And why don’t they even feel guilty about it? Maybe because they only consider you as a good friend who doesn’t mind helping.
13. They invite others to your plan.
Couples love to spend time alone… even prospective couples do that. So, if they have feelings for you, they’ll also try to spend alone time with you.
Hence, carefully analyze the situation. Plan something for you two, and check if they bring random friends or neighbors along.
If they do, they aren’t interested in a romantic relationship with you. I don’t say it is never possible. But, for now, they don’t see you that way.
14. They describe you casually
Ask your crush to describe you and analyze their response.
If they say ‘You’re sexy,’ ‘You’re lovable,’ or ‘They are glad to have you in life’, it means that there are high chances of them being interested in you.
On the contrary, if they describe you as cute, adorable, lame, or stupid, then they are describing you in a friendly manner.
Otherwise, they’ll describe you differently, and you can sense their feelings.
15. You never go out on romantic dates
Do they behave any different when you two go out alone? If yes, you observe a different personality in them… then they might have something in their heart’s corner.
But if they are equally friendly, without any sign of romanticism even on dinner dates… then you are still in the friend zone.
If you still want to be sure, reserve a dining table and dress up with a date night outfit. If they behave awkwardly or are shocked, you have your answer.
16 They admire your friendship
“You are such an amazing friend!”, “Oh! I wish everyone gets a friend like you”.
If they admire your friendship… it depicts they don’t want to take it any further with you.
That’s a signal for you to stop hoping for anything between you two.
They only see you as a friend, so don’t hit on them. Moreover, they value your friendship, so they made the line clear. “Don’t act beyond, or they may have to lose you”.
17. They introduce you as a friend
Notice how your crush introduces you to other people.
If they introduce you only with the point of a hand, it signals that you are not even a step more than the friend zone.
If not, observe did they call your name directly while introducing, or did they mention, “This is my friend…” If they used the word friend, it means they count you as a friend only, and nothing more.
Usually, people like to talk a lot about their crushes. Hence, if they like you back, they’ll give your detailed introduction… at least in front of their other friends. But if they didn’t, this is a clear sign.
18. There’s no heat even while you are drunk.
When you are drunk, you usually lose your senses and spill the beans.
So, if your crush is hiding their feelings for you, it will come out when you are drunk together.
However, even in such situations, if there’s no heat between you, they never think of you romantically.
And if they don’t talk much when drunk, the chances keep decreasing.
19. They don’t find your jokes funny.
Why do you laugh at your boss’s jokes even when they are not funny? To impress them, isn’t it?
Similarly, if your crush is also interested in you, they will laugh at your jokes, too, even if they aren’t funny.
If they do not laugh, moreover roll their eyes and change the topic, take this as an alarming sign. Understand that they only see you as a friend.
20. Their friends express their feelings.
Even if your crush doesn’t understand your emotions, their friends very well know about your feelings. And if they ask you to stay away from your crush, do as they say.
Your crush’s friends know it better whether he/she has feelings for you. So, if they say you’re only a friend, believe them.
Probably your crush hesitates to say the same. So, they asked their friends to talk to you regarding this. Who knows?
21. They say your long-term goals are different.
What is a bigger red flag than not seeing a future together? Usually, only people with the same dreams start dating.
If you guys have similar career aspects, then you will get more time together.
If you guys do not have similar long-term goals… or your plans are way different from each other, then it is quite clear that you are just another friend.
22. They try to cut down your ‘together-time.’
Quite naturally, we want to spend more time with people with good vibes.
If your crush does not spend enough time with you… either because they got better plans or better people to be with… that’s your sign. Maybe they don’t feel a connection with you.
They’ll stick around all the time if they like you or were interested in you.
23. They won’t cook for you
Cooking takes a lot of time and effort. It is also an immensely romantic gesture.
You will only put so much effort to impress someone. Nobody likes cooking for someone they do not like.
So, if your crush doesn’t like cooking for you, maybe they are not up for anything more than friendship.
24. They say they are not ready.
Everyone goes through different phases in life. Sometimes people stop dating anyone because of their pathetic past experiences.
If your crush clearly mentioned they won’t date anyone now, understand the fact that they just want you to be a good friend.
But you may wait and give them some time. Eventually, they might get over the phase, and you both may end up dating each other.
It is up to you if you find the person worth the wait or not. But at the moment, you are just a friend to them.
25. They want you to leave right after a movie
Going to the movies with friends is fun. But if your crush is interested in you, they might invite you over or at least have dinner after the movie or any event.
Even chit-chatting or talking about the event works. It is an excuse to spend more time with your crush.
If they ask you to leave immediately after the movie ends… clearly, they consider you just a good hang-out buddy.
26. They talk about sex with others
Usually, you don’t talk about sex or any romantic interests in someone else with your crush.
Does your crush frequently consult you about sex with other people? They probably consider you their buddy to ask dirty questions.
If you like them, try changing the topic or avoiding such questions.
But they bring up the topic because you are a good friend… and not someone they like.
27. They ask you to find them a suitable match
I am very sure that your crush is not at all interested in you… if they ask you to hook them up with someone hot from your group.
You’re only a good friend and they have literally no romantic interest in you. Why else would they ask you to recommend single friends?
If you are okay with this and still want to be friends… go ahead and play matchmaker.
28. They don’t care much about your welfare
People share wisdom and knowledge with their loved ones and always wish the best for them. They wish that they grow and succeed.
If they ignore your troubles or do not give a damn about your progress, it is high time to realize their disinterest.
In my opinion, they are not even on the good friend list. Why do you want to hang out with someone like that?
29. They keep mentioning your flaws
Nobody is perfect in all the fields of life. We all have some flaws, so normalize that fact.
But nobody wants to listen to them all the time. You do not expect close ones nagging you about them.
If your crush points them out frequently, evidently, they are not interested in any relationship with you. Apart from that, they are just spreading negativity and demotivating you.
30. They note the differences between you two
You try finding similarities with your crush. It is quite romantic to do things you love together.
However, if your crush elaborates about the differences between you folks, it states that they don’t dream of being together with you.
They count on the differences to imply that anything romantic will never happen between you two. Maybe they just think that you guys are better off as friends.
31. They describe their dream partner totally differently from you
You have a mindset about the perfect partner, and discuss it with your friends every now and then.
When your crush describes their partner, carefully note it. If the mentioned qualities do not match with you, that’s their hint.
Take it and leave them alone. They obviously have romantic interests in someone else. They consider you a good friend to share their fantasies with.
32. They tell you that you’re homosexual
It is perfectly fine if they’re not romantically interested in anyone of the opposite sex. But are they doing this to scare you away?
Think of the context of the conversation and their tone while they share it.
If they tell you they are into people of the same sex, that’s their way to say they are not and never will be interested in you.
They consider you a good friend and were comfortable enough to talk about it.
33. They do things you absolutely hate
You try to vibe with your crush by spending time together and indulging in their interests. Why will you take your crush for coffee if you know they love tea?
So, if your crush constantly plans things that you absolutely hate, you are interested in the wrong person.
This might be their way of telling you… they like being friends with you and hanging out together, but they don’t plan to date you.
34. They tell you that they dream of dying single
You tell things like “I am open to dating” or “I wish I was dating someone right now” to the people you are actually interested in. You convey that you are interested in a relationship.
On the contrary, if your crush hints that they want to die as an old single, they are being quite clear… they do not see a future with you.
You are just a good friend to share their thoughts with.
35. They say they aren’t allowed to date
Although there might be genuine reasons behind someone not being allowed to date, you never know. It is mostly a lie when someone says something like that.
If your crush mentions something similar, they just want to convey they will definitely not date you. They just enjoy your company as a friend.
36. They do gross things in your presence
I think you all try to be at your best when you are with your crush. You do not want to disappoint them or let them see any of your bad habits.
If your crush is chill enough to do any gross things in front of you, then my friend, get this very clear that they are not at all interested in dating you.
In fact, they reached their comfort zone. They consider you as their close friend, and that’s why they do disgusting things without the fear of judgment.
37. They maintain distance from you.
You try to find excuses to get close to your crush. You try getting comfortable sitting next to each other.
Does your crush constantly keep away from you? For instance, they pull out a chair and sit when there is space beside you on the sofa… that’s a sign.
They are not interested in getting physically close to you. They only like spending time with you because you are a nice friend.
38. They make a pact with you
If your crush makes a pact with you about being together… if you both are not married until 40… that’s their way to show their disinterest in you right now.
It is like none of you will have to die alone.
They are not considering dating you at this age. They are looking for better options. However, you are nice enough to settle down with… if need be.
39. They tell you how perfect you will be for somebody else
Usually, you are jealous if your crush talks to or about someone else.
If your crush tells you things like “you and my friend will make a good pair” or “you are most suitable for my cousin”… it is a clear indication that they do not want to date you. Instead, they find you suitable for some other girl.
They care about you as their friend and want you to be happy with someone else.
40. They say they find their sibling in you
“Oh, you are just like my brother/sister” If you receive this remark very often from your crush, you will forever be in their friend zone only.
Because more than that, they will only see you as a sibling and not a romantic partner.
Now that you are sure, you are stuck in Friendzone, most of you must be asking “Why me?”
Yeah, that’s normal.
So, let’s find out!
How could you end up in the Friend zone?
Here’s a secret that no one tells you: They don’t friend zone you. You friendzone yourself.
Knowingly or unknowingly.
Here’s how!
1. You are always there for them. ALWAYS
So, now you know all that doing errands for them is actually putting you in the danger of friendzone.
If they start to see you as a go-to person for everything, it will instead deepen the friendship and spoil the chances that you have at a relationship.
Surely a relationship also needs friendship but not by being accessible 24*7.
This makes you unattractive and unexciting.
What can you do about it? Limit your availability. You are not a pet dog or spot boy who needs to follow their shadow everywhere.
2. You never fight them. NEVER
You might think this is a good point but it’s not.
If you never argue and readily agree to what they say, it makes you too familiar which increases your chances of being friend zoned.
You just tend to be one of their gang mates who agrees to whatever they say.
What can you do about it? Challenge them. If you trigger curiosity, it will make them believe that you are not a “Yes Mam/Sir” kind of a person and you have a viewpoint of your own.
This, by the way, is very attractive to find in a potential partner.
3. You are either TOO much or NONE at all
Yes, in terms of showing romantic interest.
You need to find a middle ground because if you tend to show no romantic interest, you will forever be stuck in the friend zone and if you show too much interest it will piss them off.
Both the familiarity and neediness can turn them off.
What can you do about it? Try to break the communication if you are on the too-much side and initiate (with the intent) if you are on the no-side.
Remember you want to tell them that you are interested but not choke them.
4. You try to be a forever-friend.
You are their shoulder to cry on for all the problems
Even the relationship problems.
Before the deep heartfelt conversations turn to best-friends forever, it’s time to alter that and get back to where you belong: a potential romantic partner.
What can you do about it? Don’t become their venting machine (at least not willingly). Your role is not being a comforter ONLY.
There are a lot of other ways to offer comfort and earn their trust. Like just dropping a message to make sure they are doing fine or call every once in a while.
5. Your confidence quotient is negative.
If you have always seen them describe their potential partner like you and they still don’t consider you as one.
There’s a problem with your confidence.
Low confidence not only makes you appear weak but also takes away the charm. No one wants their partner to be lying in the corner while the world is battling on the floor.
What can you do about it? Accept your shortcomings and insecurities. No one is perfect, neither are you. Understand that they are just a person, like you or me, and nothing else.
Lack of self-confidence can not only jeopardize your present situation but also trigger various relationship problems
Sometimes, (just sometimes) you are not responsible for putting yourself in the friend zone and end up in it nonetheless.
6. You are a friend (maybe best friend)
“Best friends make the best partners”
Well, not always.
If you are too familiar to them, they fail to see you in a different light even after several attempts. It’s primarily because they have been with you for so long that even those attempts seem normalized.
What can you do about it? You would know it better. Yes, since you both have known each other, chances are that you already know their romantic interests. Don’t wait, just get onto it.
7. They just don’t see you as a date
So many dating coaches around the world say that sometimes n matter what you do, you just can’t turn it around.
You both have a fondness for each other but it just doesn’t transform into romantic attraction.
As hard as it may seem but that’s a dead end.
What can you do about it? Nothing. Accept that the chemistry is not there and move on.
8. You are just not meant for relationships
In simple words “You are just not a relationship material”
Is that even a thing? Well, yes (unfortunately!)
Circumstances make you like that. Maybe you get too awkward in a committed relationship or maybe you enjoy quick relationships more.
It’s not entirely your fault but it’s not their fault either.
What can you do about it? Gather all the courage and ask your exes or even your recent crush, why they don’t see you as a romantic partner but a friend.
If you find solid points, accept them, and work on them.
So, now you know what led you here?
I am sure you are dying to know –
How to get out of the friend zone? – It’s possible!
Sometimes even before you know it, you find yourself trapped in the friend zone by the person you like.
While most would recommend, move on and finding someone else, we all know it’s not always possible.
So, can you move ahead with this situation and take it to a real relationship? Well, frankly it’s not impossible but definitely requires a lot of effort (and time!)
Step 1: Check their interests in you.
One thing is for sure, love can’t be forced.
Sometimes, not even when you love them with all your heart.
So, if the other person is not interested in you and will ever be even when you are at your best – it makes no sense trying.
To be sure, ask yourself or ask your mutual friends, think about how close you are, and analyze their previous relationships.
If you get any positive outcomes, keep reading.
Step 2: Change their thinking about you.
There’s a reason why you are friend-zoned.
Probably because you appear to them more like a friend and less like a desirable partner.
You need to change that.
How? Examine what they seek in a romantic partner, what attracts them, and what puts them off.
Once you have answers you already know what to do next.
Step 3: Work on yourself
All this while you have tried all means to impress them.
Did it work? No, right? So now, it’s time to shift your focus to yourself and invest time in improving yourself.
Fix your personality, work on your attitude, and improve your social habits.
Give yourself enough time even if it takes a lot longer than expected. Trust me, in the end, it will be worth it.
Step 4: Be Patient
Patience is the key to winning your partner’s heart.
Let all the changes sink in both for you and your partner.
Spend time with yourself and ask whether you still like them especially after all the progress that you have made.
Learn to value yourself as a respected individual and initiate small positive interactions.
Don’t show them the “need” or it will again put you back in the same place.
Step 5: Get them to like you
Make real efforts to impress them and get them to like you.
By “real efforts”, I don’t mean keep following them wherever they go or make sleazy attempts just so that they notice you.
No. Trust me, no one was ever impressed by it.
You know what’s really attractive? Respect… for them and your own self.
So, take pride in what you are, and don’t be afraid to exhibit self-discipline. If done well, it will lead you to the final step and give way to the real “business” (if you know what I mean)…
Step 6: Ask for a date
There’s no right time to take this shot. Whenever you start feeling the heat and have a chance: play your shot.
But be very careful, there’s nothing worse than asking this question when your partner is not ready.
Take your time to flirt with them, impress and then ask them out
If you need guidance on it, here’s a think piece we crafted a while back: A comprehensive guide on how to ask a girl out.
This was your guidebook for offline friend-zoning.
What about the times you both haven’t met (at least not yet) and yet they have friend-zoned you on texts – what then?
Well, don’t worry. We’ve something for everyone! 😉
How to get out of the friend zone through text?
To begin, here’s a small reminder: if you are holding back due to the fear of rejection, remember fear is boring and you are a lot better than that. 😊
So, get back up, and get going!
Step 1: Don’t send the first text
Let them take the lead and if they message you first, there’s a good chance that they already like you.
Even if they don’t, you will at least not be trapped in the friend zone even before you start talking.
They will perceive you as scarcity and the thought of losing you will keep them hooked to you. Apart from that, it will also make them realize that you don’t need them for survival.
Step 2: Don’t reply immediately
Yes, take your own sweet time.
You HAVE to communicate that you have things to do that does not include her. The pause in your messages will do that for you.
This mystery will compel them to send more messages and, on the way, make them realize that they have been undervaluing you.
And if you are lucky, reverse roles for you! 😉
Step 3: Tell them about your love life
It’s time to turn the tables and give them a taste of their own medicine.
All this while when they have been telling you about their relationship problems, you felt a tinge in your heart but never dared complain. Not anymore.
So, tell them that you are going out on a date and disappear. If you notice a change, it’s time to step up your game and move to the next step.
Step 4: Flirt! (FLIRT. FLIIRRRTTT!)
Sorry, if I got too excited.
But if done right, this can be your bait to finally walk out of the friendzone and enter into a solid relationship.
Don’t let them think that you are just “friends”
Flirt up a storm with witty messages.
But make sure, you don’t go overboard or it can piss them off.
Here are a few texting examples to help you get started:
1. “When can we meet next? I can’t wait to see you in that dress again.”
2. “You look way hotter in person than in pictures.”
3. “My friend told me he saw me the way we were coming back. I was so busy looking at you, that he just slipped my eyes”
See how these templates are subtle yet powerful. You can also tell them how you enjoyed spending time with them.
Or talking about things that you remember from the conversation is also a good idea.
Depending on your partner’s personality, you should know what will work and what wouldn’t.
So, make your best pick and go on!
But wait, that’s not it. There’s more.
There are a few basic rules without which this process is bound to fail.
8 Rules for getting out of Friend Zone
If you wish to improve your love life, it will require a 360-degree transformation – both on the personal and societal levels.
To help you start afresh, these are some ground rules which if followed is sure to give you the push that you are seeking.
#1 Accept that you are Friendzoned
A lot of times, people fail to find a solution because they are too afraid to accept the situation.
So, begin with accepting that you are in friendzone. There’s no harm in it.
Only when you accept that your own thoughts and actions have trapped you in this situation can you find a solution.
Understand that you need a change and it’s not because of the competition with the “bad guys”.
But instead for the “nice guy” in you to shine.
#2 Refuse to be their “Best friend”
You don’t want to be stuck in her girl gang
Or among his bro-gang.
So, don’t attempt to make them feel comfortable by just being there and listening to all their problems. If you want to be the arms that carry them, you can’t be the shoulder they cry on.
So, the next time, they share relationship problems, you know what to do.
#3 Let them miss you
Yes, let them feel the void.
There are a lot of people on their list who give them attention 24*7. If you want to create a space of your own, you really need to let them be.
Don’t stick to them like bees to honey.
Give them space because when you seek to be equals, they automatically start to miss you and want to talk to you.
The age-old maxim “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” really does work.
#4 Don’t keep calling or texting them
Most people in friend zone create a pattern of consistently calling or texting. The minute you break it, it creates a blip on their minds.
It catches their attention and they are eager to know what happened to you.
You don’t always have to try harder to get their attention.
You just need to try something different.
#5 Stop obsessing on them
You might think your partner is the ideal and put them on a pedestal.
But as flattering as it sounds, it doesn’t work for 99 out of 100 people. (you are lucky if you have THE 1)
On top of that, if you are obsessing over them too much – think about them all day long.
It’s time to tone it down and instead think about yourself.
The fact that you keep yourself happy will naturally attract them towards you.
#6 Play it cool
In simpler words “Stop giving a sh*t”
The more you try to take control of things, the more it will seem to slip through.
Whether it’s a guy or girl, they like it when you are the chase and not the chaser. It might sound weird but it is what it is.
If you don’t believe it, don’t bother about what they are doing and why they are doing it (starting now!)
And you will witness the change! 😉
#7 Don’t be vulnerable
The moment you let your emotions overpower you and spill the guts in front of them, they will friend zone you.
You don’t really have to “tell” them about your feelings or how much you like them just to reserve a space in their hearts.
While movies favor the contrary, the reality is a bit different.
So, what to do instead? Follow the 50:50 rule, that is, reveal ONLY what they reveal. Never go beyond them. NEVER. Ever.
#8 Stop stressing
No problem has ever been solved with stress.
So, remain calm and take it as it comes.
The more you stress, the more you will overthink which is instead going to make things worse.
Plus, if you stay cool, they will understand that you are not all about them and they will naturally gravitate towards you.
After all this, one thing is definitely clear: Getting out of the friend zone is definitely not a child’s play. It’s certainly very difficult and requires real effort and determination.
So, how about I tell you the tricks to avoid it in the first place?
Excited? So, let’s go!
How to NOT get Friendzoned?
#1 Don’t try to WIN them
A lot of times, when you are attracted to someone, you lose your own say in the relationship. You just follow them everywhere, stay available 24*7 – all in the desire that someday all of this will pay off.
Hey, that’s not how it works.
The more you go all in, the higher are the chances of them friend zoning you.
Instead, establish yourself as a possibility by offering a little more than others. But don’t flip over.
#2 Give the best part of yourself
You can’t expect to win their heart by offering them things that everyone else offers.
If you really want to make them weak in the knees, offer them something new.
Analyze yourself as a person and seek to be different from the crowd. Remember to play to your strengths and show them the interesting side of you.
Whilst you can’t force anyone to love you, you can definitely be irresistible! 😉
#3 Pay attention to Yourself
Believe it or not, sometimes your attraction quotient just isn’t enough to keep the eyes glued on you.
There’s no harm in accepting that.
So, keep updating yourself from time to time with some freshness. Anything that keeps you on the books will serve the purpose, like a new hair cut or fashionable clothes or maybe a new gym routine.
You can also work on your emotional and mental state for 360-degree transformation.
#4 Find a “Common ground”
Most healthy relationships work because they find a “match”.
So, there’s a high chance that you haven’t yet found any common ground with your partner which is preventing them from seeing you more than a friend.
So, if you really wish to start dating, share interests, or at least find something similar that will help you both bond.
If you don’t find anything after several attempts, you might want to ask yourself if you really want them.
#5 Seek Balance
Oftentimes, you tend to do all the sacrifices and commissions because you are too afraid to hurt them and lose your chance at a relationship.
This makes you very easily available and they start taking you for granted. (and that is how you get friend zoned)
So, instead, seek equal efforts and investment from the other side also.
If the other person fails to contribute his share, you will lose the balance and also a chance at a relationship.
#6 Don’t wait for the right time
You may initially feel that you must know them, make them comfortable, and then ask them out. It is what most people do. But hey, what is stopping you from asking out the person you like?
If you wait for the right time, you may get too late. During the process of warming them up, you end up being their most faithful buddy who can’t ask them out.
So, don’t wait too long and give them friendly vibes if you like them from the beginning.
#7 Break the stereotype
You belong to that friend zone because you stayed there too long. You became the nice guy who helps everyone or got the ‘best buddy one could have’ tag.
And now, when you have feelings for your crush, you can’t tell them the truth.
So, get rid of all those fancy tags and stand for yourself and your desire to date them. Otherwise, you will remain in the friend zone forever.
#8 Stay mysterious
Everyone is interested in mysterious people. So, don’t reveal everything about you. Keep some secrets and let them wonder about you. The more mysteries you hold, the more they get interested in you.
To know you better, they will come closer and it may ignite a spark between you two.
Evidently, they will want to spend time with you apart from the group to know you. So soon, you’ll have the chance to get out of the friend zone and become their special one.
#9 Be clear since the beginning
Hiding your emotions with the fear of losing their friendship will only hurt you. If they are not aware of your feelings, how can they even reciprocate?
While hiding you eventually drain your energy and time.
Instead, clearly state your intentions from the beginning. Let them know about your feelings and bravely handle the outcome to leave the friend zone.
#10 Express your emotions
How will your crush even know your emotions if you don’t express them?
I know this thought of admitting your feelings sounds crazy… but how else will you be with them?
It may feel like you will die out of nervousness, but you have to, HAVE to take the leap of faith.
So, if you don’t want to be a ‘goody-good’ friend only, go and express your emotions.
#11 Make romantic moves
If you keep being only friends with them, they will always consider you a friend, ALWAYS.
When you don’t show them you are interested, your story will not move further. So, make some romantic gestures to drop hints about being a potential partner.
Don’t keep this off your to-do list. Prioritize it if you don’t want to stay in the friend zone.
#12 Stay when needed
People tend to leave when the going gets tough. If you’ll do the same with your crush, you are no different from others.
But, if you hold their hands and help them move out of the situation, they will remember you for your help. It will help you get closer to them. They will consider you something more than a friend.
So, always stay by their side during hardships. And they will certainly fall for you.
#13 Do special things
Go out of the way and do something special for them that “no friend does”. When you make more efforts for them, you realize how much they mean to you, and they also develop feelings for you.
So, if you want to be a special someone, do something special for them. It is the only way to make them know that you deserve more attention than others.
#14 Don’t PRETEND
If you keep pretending to be someone you are not, you’ll only waste both of your time. So, stop acting as if you are already in a relationship if they never committed anything to you.
If you do this, you are lying to yourself that they already belong to you. Unless and until you express your emotions, and they agree, you are still friends.
The only way to move out of the friend zone? Take the risk and tell them how you feel about them.
#15 Don’t act desperate
Do you get annoyed when little children act clingy? Well, yes, you got me right. Even your crush feels annoyed when you act too clingy.
Staying together doesn’t mean you must follow and mimic them. Give them their space. Being available all the time will only make you seem desperate, and you will lose your value.
Ultimately, you can never be someone special and will stay in the friend zone only.
#16 Don’t be jealous
If your crush talks to someone else, you may feel jealous. But will that help you in the long run? Will your crush understand why you feel jealous? The answer is a clear NO!
Remember that insecurity only weakens relationships. So, if you don’t give your crush the necessary time and space to be with others, they will eventually drift away from you.
Instead, trust your crush and your deeds… believe that you’ll eventually win their heart with your goodness.
#17 Be a support system
Support their decisions and listen to their reasons. If you think they’re wrong or they missed out on many more factors, help them notice it.
Suggest them better choices in a particular situation and help them out. It shows that you are something more than a friend to them.
#18 Ask them out
C’mon, if you want to date this person, don’t be shy and sit idle. Do something to turn it into a beautiful relationship.
And for that, just ask them out. Don’t wait for them to approach you. Otherwise, it will never work out.
Face the fear of rejection and go and ask them out. Only then you can have a friend-zone-free life.
#19 Play hard to get
If you clearly indicate that you will wait for them forever… they’ll never value you. Play hard to get and make them understand that you also have other options.
Yes, you like them, but you can also move on easily if they don’t turn up.
So, do everything at a suitable pace. Don’t try to rush things or seem desperate because that may lead you to the friend zone.
#20 Don’t be possessive
I know that you only wish well for your crush… you always want to see them happy. But that doesn’t mean you must control their life.
Don’t get possessive… you have no right to control their actions. And you are only adding pressure on them with that.
Additionally, you cannot force them to love you back because that’s how hearts work. You will never be out of the friend zone if you’re possessive. Nobody wants a controlling partner.
#21 Don’t be always available
Don’t try to impress them all the time. Yes, you want them to like you but not by losing your self-identity.
Many people think the only way to get someone is to agree with them on everything. But do you think that’s right?
You don’t always need to sit and chill when you want to go out and play a sport. Once in a while indulge in their likes, but not always.
Make them do what you want. Otherwise, you are changing yourself completely for them without even a commitment. Do you think after all that, you will be out of the friendzone?
#22 Flirt a little
Even if you started off as friends, there’s no harm in healthy flirting. Otherwise, how will they even imagine a romantic life with you, right?
So, flirt a little with your partner. Notice how they respond and gradually increase the level.
If you hesitate about it, take one flirty move at a time. Maybe pull their cheeks on one day and hold them by the waist on the other. That will keep you out of the friend zone.
#23 Be consistent
Well, to achieve success, your efforts must be consistent. The rule applies to your goals and relationship too.
If you take 200% effort today, but it goes to 70% after a week, it won’t help you date your crush.
Consistently put efforts for them to notice you. Once in a blue moon, everyone can be good to others. But with consistent efforts, you’ll get a chance to move out of the friend zone.
#24 Indulge in one-on-one time
If you always have someone around you, your crush may not notice your great personality.
To make them notice you, spend some one-on-one time.
It can be a casual morning walk or a café spree. But by doing this, they will have no other company to talk to but only you.
#25 Text well
You may not get to meet your crush every day. What will you do to get near to them?
Yes, you need to text well. If you share memes or quotes with them, every friend does that. You are still in the friend zone with that.
So, what is it that brings you out of the friend zone? Indulge in deeper conversations. Share personal secrets and flirt well over the texts to ignite a spark.
Master Tip: Just Ask!
Yes. This is a good advice (read it as best advice) if you want to prevent friend zone.
People have different ways of approaching a romantic relationship. While some start with being ”just a friend”, the others begin with “friends with benefits”.
Neither of them is wrong. It’s all about personal choices which can vary from person to person.
So, if you think it contradicts yours. Just ASK.
A moment of courage can save you months of trauma. Like literally.
For your detailed understanding, here are a few…
Friend zone Books
1. Friend-zoned (Belle Aurora)
This story of Nikolai Leokov, who eventually falls in love with the only female friend he has ever had- Valentina Comic. It is a story of friendship, love, and humor.
2. Baking me crazy (Karla Sorenson)
Levi and Jocelyn were best friends for five long years. When the girl finally confesses her love for a random guy who bought her a cupcake at the bakery… Levi decides to let her know that the right man was there with her from the beginning.
3. The friend zone (Abby Jimenez)
While planning her best friend’s wedding, Kristen met the best man, Josh. The story describes the attraction between Josh who wants a big family and Kristen who cannot have kids.
4. Just friends (Saxon James)
Roo and tanner were best friends for a long time. They were sure about having each other’s back no matter what. But Roo shifted to a different country for five years. Once he is back, they are not sure if their friendship turned into something else.
5. Pick one (May Archer)
This book covers the confusion of the maths professor, who always wanted a man like Teagan in her life. But she realized her feelings for her best friend. She can’t decide if she wants the man of her dreams or changes her friendship into a relationship.
6. Married to my best friend (Riley Hart)
It describes the relationship between the author and his childhood best friend, Alex. Alex was gay and was getting married to someone else. Luckily, they understood their mistake. The author realized his feelings for Alex and no longer wanted to be in the friend zone. The book covers how they get into a relationship.
7. His unlikely lover (Natasha Anders)
Bobbi was always in love with her best friend Gabe, but they never had any confrontation. One night when Bobbi kissed Gabe, he suggested adding ‘benefits’ to their friendship. When Gabe’s brother noticed something unusual, he wanted Gabe to decide if he felt anything for Bobbi or wanted to friend-zone her.
8. Crazy stupid bromance (Lyssa Kay Adams)
When Alexis faced issues in her personal life, she turned to her only best friend- Noah. Noah was madly in love with Alexis from the beginning. It is a romantic comedy that covers Noah’s thoughts of risking their friendship.
9. The girl in the love song (Emma Scott)
Miller creates beautiful songs with his guitar and sings about the girl Violet who had a complicated life. She didn’t want complications with a ruined friendship with Miller for a romance. Will violet accept Miller’s love or friend zone him?
10. Just last night (Mhairi McFarlane)
It is a story about four teenage friends- Eve, Justin, Susie, an Ed. In their thirties, Eve still loves Ed but keeps it a secret. But all of sudden, many secrets are revealed that change their lives forever and take Eve in a new direction. The story covers if Eve and Ed remained friends or got into a relationship.
Remember, it’s not the end of the world!
I am going to say it again, Friend zone is heartbreaking..
…and cruel.
But it’s not the end of the world.
Countless relationships are broken every day due to mismatch in interests, different priorities, or misunderstandings.
Treat it like a phase of your life.
Not more, not less.
If you are unable to take it forward into a relationship, embrace the bond that you both have at the moment…
…and move on.
