When we refer to the term tumultuous, it is synonymous with many other words such as turbulent, stormy, passionate, intense all of which are vague.
This signifies the importance of defining what we mean by a toxic or tumultuous relationship. But what do we mean by this type of relationship?
Let’s find out all about it in this article.
Tumultuous Relationship Infographic
Definition of Tumultuous Relationships
Tumultuous relationships are denoted by the disorderly commotion which involves mental or emotional distress. The relationship feeling like a rollercoaster, uncertainty related to the future, and a lot of fights are some common signs of such relationships.
As per the textbook definition, a tumultuous relationship is a relationship that is denoted by the disorderly commotion which involves mental or emotional distress.
While this can seem common, there are only some relationships that are characterized as toxic or turbulent.
Some common questions and signs of a tumultuous relationship are if the relationship feels like a rollercoaster.
For instance, you feel like there are ups and downs and things are slightly out of control.
Additionally, the lows are wicked and brutish while the highs rank on the other extremes of romantic and intense.
Adding to this list is a lot of uncertainty related to the future and many fights and disagreements. You do not know what to expect next. You feel like you have to always be prepared for a fight.
Such relationships are not secure and easy. Additionally, you might not know how to deal with such relationships.
These are some red flags of an unhealthy relationship. While someone on the outside can easily spot such relationships as toxic, for the person in such relationships it is a whole different ball game.
In other words, such relationships are complex. It is difficult to walk away from these relationships because while they are toxic they are also extremely passionate and excitable.
Fear of being alone along with many other reasons which are intertwined is preventing you from walking away.
During such times, prioritizing your emotional well-being is crucial. You need to put yourself first and recognize if the relationship is even serving you.
You will have to address some difficult questions and this will be an uphill journey. However, it is not an impossible feat to achieve.
Signs Of A Tumultuous Relationship
1. You feel like you are riding a rollercoaster.
This is synonymous with how your relationship feels like being on a rollercoaster, riding the wave of unpredictability and uncertainty.
You will have the best date on Saturday night. However, when Monday comes, you will return to the routine of breaking up and throwing things.
Additionally, this can end in a night of passion; kissing, and making up.
Once the morning comes in, the reality of our relationship kicks in, only to result in a whirlpool of fights and pain.
2. The same fight occurs recurrently.
As a definitive sign of a tumultuous sign, repetitive fights indicate that you are currently stuck in an unhealthy dynamic.
Therefore, when you feel like you are repeatedly fighting about the same thing, it is a sign that you need to take a step back and slow down.
You need to evaluate and assess the situation from a distance.
In addition, this practice of slowing down is important to ensure that your relationship does not turn bitter and ugly.
In addition to this, most of these fights do not have closure. If the fights are going in circles, it is a big red flag. The constant repetitive fights are due to the inability to find closure most of the time.
This constant lack of closure convinces you that this is the new norm. However, you need to know it is not. This is the unhealthy pattern of a volatile and messy romance
3. You have many unresolved issues
This sign of toxic romance is in continuum to the previous topics about fights.
Therefore, when you fight repeatedly about the same thing or when they do not have closure constantly, it is a sign that you are sweeping things under the rug leaving them to be unresolved.
When you end up having a lot of unresolved issues, it can become a breeding ground for resentment. Additionally, this will fester turning things ugly between the two of you.
You should also not let it fester for longer periods of time as it can result in an ugly turn of events.
This bitterness and resentment can lead one to a dark place such as wrecking the relationship or indulging in self-sabotage.
4. You hate some parts of your partner.
In a relationship, there are some habits of our partner that will rub us the wrong way or tick us off.
However, it is a serious red flag if your partner’s actions evoke hatred. The same applies to any characteristic that can evoke similar feelings.
The question you will ask yourself is why would someone stay in a relationship. The answer to this is usually passion.
However, what is the purpose of this passion if you cannot despise and loathe the person outside of the bedroom?
5. You are feigning that everything is okay to maintain peace.
Your pretense is not fooling anyone. The mountain of conflicts that have been dusted under the rug will be visible if probed.
You have attempted to push and conceal these underlying problems for ages now.
Over a period of time, these feelings fester and become a breeding ground for resentment.
This is a very poisonous feeling that only deteriorates a person from within and makes the two people in such a relationship bitter.
Therefore, such an act while appearing to be maintaining peace is a true recipe for disaster that is brewing underneath.
6. You cannot be apart but you fight all the time when together.
Who you are when you are together and when you are apart are crucial and significant for understanding tumultuous relationships.
Here, the focus is on behaviors and feelings during two such circumstances.
One of the stark signs of a relationship to be labeled as tumultuous is when you cannot be separated but you tend to fight whenever you are together.
There is an element of dependency in your relationship. Therefore, the two of you are not good for each other as you only bring out anger and annoyance when you are together.
7. You break up and reconcile repeatedly.
Usually, when people break up amicably or not, it is a sign that you are aware of the disruption this relationship causes. You are cognizant of the fact that you are not a good fit for each other.
However, in a tumultuous relationship, the partners reconcile almost immediately. This reconciliation stems from the fear of being on your own or the dependency on your partner.
Additionally, dependency persists despite the knowledge that the relationship is toxic. Lastly, the awareness of the toxicity of the relationship seems better than the loneliness of being on your own.
8. There is a sense of relief when your breakup
It has been established that it is common to break up and reconcile repeatedly in tumultuous relationships.
However, you also need to evaluate how you feel after the breakup. The temporary feeling that follows the breakup before you fall back into the pattern of reconciling.
If you observe and catch yourself feeling relief, then you should try everything within your power to not reconcile.
It is a sign that you are bad for each other. You need to end things once and for all so that you can heal from this to search for a new partner.
9. You are dependent on your partner.
This term is quite rampant and pops up quite often when we discuss tumultuous relationships.
If you fear some alone time and if your happiness and contentment rely heavily on your partner, then you need to reevaluate your relationship. These feelings primarily arise due to your dependency on others.
Additionally, you will seriously believe that this person is the source of your happiness.
This is tricky as it will make it extremely difficult to walk away from something toxic and has the potential to harm you.
However, you need to remember that you need to conquer your fears and walk away so that you do not put up with toxic relationships.
10. You make it seem like you look perfect on paper.
You have perfected the art of faking it to and for the public. For instance, you seem perfect to the world outside.
A lot of couples appear to have figured out the secrets to the picture-perfect dreamy relationship.
Additionally, with the trend of posting every minute of one’s waking life on social media, it is all smiles, affection, love, excitement. In other words, it preaches and reeks of perfection.
However, when the veil is lifted, when they are at home, just the two of them, they can be in a tumultuous relationship marked by constant fighting and dragging each other down.
11. You are bored
When you are bored in a relationship, it signals the absence of excitement. The boredom can be an awakening that you cannot spend time alone together.
If you cannot spend time with just the two of you, how can you sustain such a relationship in the long run? Therefore, it is a sign that you have no future with this partner.
12. You trash-talk each other
Badmouthing your partner is one of the biggest red flags. It is a bad sign when your trash talk behind your partner’s back.
It is ugly and disrespectful exhibiting the inability to engage in healthy communication.
In addition, it has the potential of ruining your reputation. Your friends will find it difficult to trust you when you engage in such behaviors.
Lastly, a problem with your partner is to be solved at home with your partner. You can consult your friends or trusted confidants but you cannot badmouth or trash talk your partner.
13. You keep trying to change your partner or each other recurrently
We need to remember that nobody is perfect. Additionally, we cannot expect perfectionism from others when we know we cannot adhere to such standards.
This is a common practice in a tumultuous relationship and is not a good one at all. You cannot constantly try to change your partner.
You can help your partner grow and be better versions of themselves for their benefit.
However, if we start attempting to change every part that annoys us, it is a sign of deeper dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
14. You unconsciously have backup plans
Infidelity is defined in a multitude of ways.
However, if in your relationship, texting another person who you consider as a backup is a sign of unfaithfulness then you should not engage in such practices.
To elaborate, you consider some of these people as backups. This sends a message that you are half-hearted about the current relationship.
In other words, you have one foot out the door to escape banking on the current one failing.
You are trying to keep your options open and this is a common practice in tumultuous relationships.
15. Your sex life isn’t what it used to be
It is a warning sign when things are not hot anymore, especially your sex life.
When your sex life has not seen any improvements or developments in the past couple of months, it is a sign to communicate about what is and is not working.
A disruption to your physical intimacy can have a negative impact on the overall relationship.
Therefore, it makes it important to prioritize and improve it by either talking about it or visiting a professional.
While tumultuous relationships are not a joy ride, you can be in a state of unhappiness or overwhelmed emotions most of the time. Therefore, it can result in a lack of attraction toward your partner.
Finally, this dents impairs or disrupts your sex life and sexual attraction.
16. There is a lack of trust
Lack of trust is another obvious but ignored sign of such a relationship. Some of the markers of this distrust are:
- If you constantly want and need to know about your partner’s whereabouts and the lack of reply sends you in a downward spiral.
- Are you constantly preoccupied with who they are with, what they are doing, what time they are coming home?
Please note that this is not an expansive or comprehensive list, but just examples of what distrust can look like.
It is both unhealthy and exhausting to be in a relationship where there is no trust between the partners.
17. You do not make time for dates anymore
It is imperative that partners prioritize their relationship no matter how busy one’s life gets. The price you pay for neglect is quite high in this case.
Therefore, you need to make time for one another. In other words, you need to plan and execute date nights.
However, it is worrisome if you or your partner are not making an effort to have more date nights. You need to talk and figure out a way around this.
18. You constantly engage in fantasies
One thing we need to remember in long-term romantic relationships is that fantasizing is okay. But what you fantasize about holds more weightage than the act of fantasizing itself.
When you are not happy with your current relationship, you will engage in frequent fantasies about dating other people or just think about other people in general.
In other words, we look for things outside of the relationship that will make us happy.
If the frequency of this fantasy of imagining a different life with someone else increases, then it is alarming. It is one sign of being unsatisfied and unhappy in your current relationship.
19. You do not have a vague or definitive plan for the future with your partner
It is important to have a relatively definitive answer to what the future holds for the two of you.
If you consider your current relationship to be a long-term one, then it is imperative that you discuss what the future looks like for the two of you.
This includes all the difficult questions from finances to kids to parenting to lifestyle choices.
When you do not have a definitive idea, then the differences will come up when it is too late which will make it difficult to address or resolve.
20. You are dating your partner for the wrong reasons
At times, unconsciously or consciously we might get into a relationship for various reasons apart from long-term commitment. For instance, it is possible to date others out of desperation or loneliness.
You can be in a relationship for the sake of being in one. At times, both partners might enter into a commitment with this consensus of temporary dating.
However, if there was no communication and if your intentions have not been clarified, then you need to reevaluate your relationship.
You can perpetuate or turn the relationship into something toxic by entering into it without proper communication.
21. You feel fearful and uncertain most of the times
There is a sense of uncertainty in your relationship. Every argument triggers the fear of being dumped. In such relationships, the dynamics work in extremes and there is no in-between.
You are on the edge most of the time. a healthy relationship is built on communication and this relationship is far from it.
Here, there is no room for healthy communication or the ability to have a sit-down. It usually escalates that further perpetuates your fear and uncertainty.
Additionally, you feel this is what you deserve and that this is your worth. One is capable of confusing these erratic feelings with love.
22. You have a superficial connection with your partner
As humans, we cannot deny that we do consider looks to be an important factor when we find someone attractive.
However, a good number of people fall for the more superficial aspects of a person and find these factors attractive.
In a tumultuous relationship, the lack of a proper conversation is a huge deal breaker.
When you answer some of the more serious questions, if you are not on the same page, it indicates that you lack a deeper connection.
In other words, you are incapable as a couple to engage in a proper conversation or a serious one even.
Being unable to share some of the significant or deeper aspects with your partner can result in a dead-end.
It will feel like there is a gap or a lack of understanding when the connection is not deep. Furthermore, this is a feeling that is common with a more superficial connection.
23. You begin to question your emotions, feelings, and yourself
This is a subtle one. Such relationships involve manipulations. In other words, it can make you question your emotions, experiences, and yourself in all honesty.
You will question everything and yourself. Some of the signs to see if you are trapped in a tumultuous relationship are:
- If you feel unworthy most of the times
- In cases where you keep asking yourself if you are doing the right thing
- If you have to keep thinking of what your partner would expect of you and do that
- If you do not have the space to do what you want to do
You are more likely to lose yourself and your whole identity. It is time you walk away from something like this before it reaches this extreme. Lastly, gaslighting is quite common in this type of relationship.
Gaslighting is a form of mental and emotional abuse. It should be recognized immediately. This is potentially damaging and disruptive.
One of the methods to prevent this spiral is by keeping your friends close. They can corroborate your account of things and protect you from consistent self-doubt.
Lastly, ensure you have drawn your boundaries and are not letting anyone violate them.
24. Your partner is abusive
We are aware that tumultuous romances entail a lot of disagreements and arguments.
Therefore, it is common for these two to escalate to something abusive. This includes physical, emotional, mental, or psychological abuse.
None of these should be tolerated or put up with. You need to be equipped to identify it.
This can be a little difficult in such a relationship that maintains the abuse for a while. Additionally, when you’re gaslighted, you question if you are abused.
It is time to leave if you are scared of your partner and are primarily preoccupied with the abuse they might inflict.
Additionally, you should seek out a therapist or professional help to aid with this process as it can be difficult.
25. The Relationship involves Manipulation
Many partners find it difficult to digest that they have been manipulating their partners. Therefore, there is an element of denying it and a lack of awareness.
Here, it is important to note that you can be the manipulator and can be manipulated. You can play the role of either in a tumultuous relationship.
Some of the common types of manipulations are exhibiting contempt, excessive defensiveness, guilt-tripping your partner, stonewalling, and deflecting the topic at hand through criticisms.
26. Your unhappiness is causing you’re to snap easily
A lot of the time, when we are unhappy or dissatisfied, it can be the source of why we snap at every little thing. We are triggered easily and are more reactive.
One thing to keep an out for is if this unhappiness and dissatisfaction primarily come from the relationship.
If this is the case, then it is a sign that you have ignored and neglected a lot of your conflicts. It is time to address the things you have swept under the rug.
In other words, this will drive you to snap at the smallest of things and vent without a filter resulting in hurting your partner.
Therefore, you need to start addressing the issues and if they are beyond repair, you need to consider walking away or a healthier way of dealing with them.
27. You are walking on eggshells
It is a red flag if you feel like a fight could surface at any moment.
Essentially, you are walking on eggshells or a minefield, almost always prepared for battle. Therefore, this is a sign that your relationship is toxic.
The solution to such a relationship is reevaluating the health of your relationship. You need to take some time off to work on your emotional health so that you are not as reactive and disruptive.
To give perspective, stress at work or other events have the potential to affect the relationship.
In other words, you should not make your partner the scapegoat. Lastly, your partner should have the capacity to deal with the stress rather than unloading on you.
28. You hold grudges
In such a relationship, holding grudges is one of the most common practices by partners.
For instance, if you are gathering up the ammo for a while just to shoot and kill when the next conflict arises, then you are engaging in an unhealthy practice.
It is common for people to remember the times when they were hurt. However, in a tumultuous relationship, you are more likely to use this to hurt your partner.
It is often described with the metaphor of a snowball becoming bigger as it rolls down the hill.
For instance, you start with a small fight, but soon realize that you are no longer fighting about what you initially started with.
You have brought up all the things from the past turning it into a huge argument with the intent of hurting the other person.
29. You are very closed off from your partner
To be excessively shut off from your partner can stem due to many reasons.
One of the primary reasons can be that the constant fighting and disagreements are causing you to withdraw.
Another reason is that you are not used to communicating and expressing your emotions. This results in the expression of the wrong ones.
It is usually difficult to express your actual emotions and feelings in a toxic relationship.
It is also something that should be overcome while acknowledging the difficulty. This is for the benefit of the relationship.
If you work on your communication and ensure you improve your skills, it will provide room for making quicker and better decisions.
30. Your emotions discern how you feel about the relationship
When you are happy or elated, the relationship seems perfect because you are idealizing the relationship.
Here, the bar for a healthy and good relationship is too low. Therefore, you need to take a step back and evaluate your relationship
You need to be able to see the relationship for what it is so that you can spot the parts that need work.
Furthermore, this will allow you to make some changes and improvements required to make the relationship better.
However, when things are not well in your relationship and when you’re already feeling low, this can exacerbate how you feel.
It can make you conclude that the relationship is nearing the end and you need to call it quits.
Therefore, you need to be aware of your emotions regarding the relationship when you are not doing well mentally and emotionally or when you are unhappy in the relationship.
While it is common to have the urge to end the relationship, you need to take a step back to evaluate your actions.
31. When you are not happy, you think that it is the end of your relationship
When things are not going well in your relationship, particularly when you are already feeling down, this can exacerbate how you feel.
In addition, it will make you conclude that your relationship is coming to an end and you might call it quits too.
Therefore, you need to be wary when you are not doing well mentally and emotionally or when you are unhappy in the relationship.
While it is common to have the urge to end the relationship, you need to take a step back to evaluate your actions.
32. You seek validation rather than solving your issue with your partner
Your friends no longer believe you as you and your partner have broken off and reconciled multiple times. This is one problem that arises in such relationships.
In other words, your flaky and flighty stance on your relationship might have cost you your friend’s trust when it comes to the relationship.
Therefore, it is advisable that you go see a therapist along with your partner to resolve the issues you face as a couple. This is a better solution than seeking validation from your friends.
33. You negatively influence one another
You need to understand the influence of a partner in your life. Your partner has the potential to influence and impact your everyday life in a tremendous capacity.
Similarly, this partner has the capacity to have a negative influence.
The development of any habits of recklessness, drug use, aggression, ever-ending, or violence can help recognize the negative influences.
These are alarming signs. Furthermore, once you go down the path of indulging in these habits it is hard to get rid of these habits.
As they occupy so much of your everyday life, a partner is supposed to have a relatively positive influence.
34. They try to bring you down most of the time
In a rocky relationship, it is common to observe shaming and demeaning comments.
They might make snide remarks about your physical appearance or your intellect that can seriously damage your self-esteem.
It is to be noted that the snide remarks are not limited to physical appearance and intellect alone.
All of these are clear red flags that need to be worked on if possible. If working on it with a partner is not an option, then you need to walk away for your own mental health.
While a partner cannot elevate the low self-esteem that preexists, they can surely contribute to declining self-esteem.
If your partner is at the source of your declining self-esteem, then it can be a sign of a tumultuous relationship.
They can be successful at this by undermining or undervaluing you.
35. Your partner does not rejoice in your success
A sign of such a toxic relationship is when your partner is not happy with the success and happiness you have attained. Rather, they try to bring you down and downplay your achievements.
They know exactly what to say and do to bring you down. They hold that power over you. Your moments of joy and happiness are turned into shaming contests.
Furthermore, they always take the opportunity to remind you of all your failures or of all the times you slipped up. They are like this constant itch that keeps telling you of how you will mess it up for you.
Such dynamics are not good for you, especially with regard to your mental health. You need to look for a way out or should stand up for yourself.
It can be really difficult even if walking away or standing up for yourself is an option. You need to be kind to yourself and also be patient.
At the end of the day, remember to prioritize yourself. Lastly, to reiterate, you can always seek professional help to get out of such bonding, toxic relationships.
Questions To Ask Yourself If You Think You are in a Tumultuous relationship
While surfing through the signs, did you feel like it was confirmation that your current relationship is turbulent and rocky? In such a case, the next inevitable question is what to do next.
First, you need to assess your current relationship. This is to gain an understanding of what can be mended and salvaged. You need to begin from the first day you felt the butterflies to the current day.
Second, you can go through the list presented below to further help and facilitate in answering some of the difficult questions. It is imperative that these difficult questions are addressed.
1. What attracted you to this person initially?
Tracing back to why you liked the person will help you rekindle the love and affection you felt for them.
Additionally, this exercise can help you decipher if what you were attracted to was an idealized image or if you took the whole person into consideration. This can blind you to the red flags.
You can determine what is a dealbreaker for you. This also allows you to evaluate if you find the person attractive or if it is more about what your partner brings to the table serving a more selfish reason.
2. Is the person you fell for still around?
One of the important questions to ask yourself now is if some aspects of that person the person you fell in love with are still there.
It is to be noted that people do go through changes, for the better or the worse.
Therefore, if there is too much of a disparity between who they are and who you fell for, then maybe you need to reevaluate your place in the relationship.
In other words, you can try to figure out who they are now and work on it. However, this is in cases where your partner has grown. But at times, it can be too late.
By asking this question, you are trying to see who your partner was when you first met them versus who your partner is now.
Noting the discrepancies and similarities will aid in seeing if you want to work on your relationship.
If the answer is yes, then you need a realistic estimate of how much time and effort it would require.
3. Is your life outside of the relationship impacted due to the fights?
It is natural for a fight, argument, or disagreement in a relationship to disrupt other areas of your life.
However, in a tumultuous relationship, these happen so frequently that they will disrupt important aspects of your life on an everyday basis.
The problems within the relationship can constantly impact our career, work, or social life. In such cases, you need to reassess the relationship.
You can choose to work on this problem together as a couple. However, if it is too burdening, you have a choice to walk away. While both the options are difficult, it is yours to make.
4. Are you planning to break up or work on the relationship through therapy?
This is a tough question. Here, once you establish that you are currently in a tumultuous relationship, you come to terms that you have two options.
You can walk away. However, being in a tumultuous relationship does not mean that you have to end it. You can always work on it with the help of a therapist or a professional.
You can work on the relationship and give the relationship another chance by being vulnerable with your partner. This vulnerability is to enable a healthy conversation between the two of you.
Additionally, if it is difficult to seek professional help, you can always turn to free sources that do provide more insight and information.
However, they cannot replace the benefit a professional will bring to the equation.
5. Do you frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior?
This brings to light the number of times you have come up with excuses for your partner’s behavior to others as well as to yourself.
It also tries to reiterate the number of times you have tried to convince yourself that you are happy with it.
Here, the way to move forward is to try setting some boundaries.
You also need to work on being able to see the behavior for what it is and not interpret it based on the excuse you have come up with.
6. Are you prioritizing yourself?
If you decide to work on the relationship, then you need to prioritize yourself and ensure that you are not abandoning yourself. Your well-being deserves more attention.
Furthermore, working on your relationship will not yield favorable results when you are frustrated, irritable, and if you are only worried about how to fix the relationship.
You can communicate with your friends, engage in a fun activity, live a healthy lifestyle, and essentially do what works the best for you.
By prioritizing and working on yourself, you are ensuring that you arrive at your best self for mending the relationship.
Can A Tumultuous Relationship Last?
In reality, such relationships actually last way longer than they should. While this question is a tricky one, it is also one-dimensional.
In other words, even if it is unhealthy and detrimental, people do stay in such relationships.
The growing awareness of healthy relationships and the toxicity and harmfulness of such toxic relationships is not enough to help.
It can be detrimental physically and mentally, taking a huge toll on one’s emotional health.
In most cases, one can have all the insight as there are enough articles available on the internet.
However, when it comes to the work required to prevent yourself from getting into this kind of relationship repeatedly, it would require the help and assistance of a professional, such as a therapist.
Below, some reasons why one would stay in such a relationship have been elaborated on. They may or may not be applicable.
1. The idea that it was not always toxic
When you initially started, there was the honeymoon phase. Here, things are rosy, filled with passion, affection, effort, and romance.
The slow turn of a relationship towards toxicity makes it difficult to spot. Often, one realizes that the relationship is turbulent too late.
To give you a full perspective, the initial days of hard-hitting affection, passion, and romance followed by the slow and gentle toxicity make it arduous for one to recognize this shift.
2. We have been taught that we all have our flaws
It has been ingrained in us that humans are essentially flawed, with their imperfections. This has the ability to blur the line between imperfections or flaws and incompatibility.
In other words, while it is important to accept and be aware of our partner’s shortcomings, it is also important to know when someone is incompatible or when they are mistreating you.
Such a perception will blind you from being able to analyze your partner and your relationship through a more realistic lens.
3. Fights are common in all relationship
It is a known fact that fights are common in all relationships.
However, since they happen in a concealed manner, we never have a blueprint as to how much is too much. There is no definitive number either.
Therefore, we might end up putting up with a lot more disagreements and arguments, not realizing that it is becoming toxic.
Sometimes, only an outside neutral perspective will help us evaluate this.
4. Because you love your partner
The feeling of love is enmeshed heavily with attachment and emotional connection. This also included some physical and chemical changes that occur. This can mask the warning of your intuition.
For instance, someone from the outside or after the relationship is over, you can always see the red flags as clear as day.
The latter is your hindsight bias doing the work, where retrospectively it feels like we should have seen it coming.
5. Your fears and insecurities
Sometimes, our own fears and insecurities prevent us from leaving or even addressing the issues at hand. Some of the common fears are:
- Fear of admitting that the relationship is toxic
- Afraid of abandonment
- Fear of loneliness
- Fearing the repercussions of going separate ways (splitting the items shared, the lives lived together)
- Fear of your partner itself
The last one is the most dangerous and poses a serious threat. This is a sign of the relationship becoming toxic as discussed earlier.
Lastly, if you are staying due to your fears, then it is easier to address and deal with.
6. The illusion that you know your relationship and your partner better than anyone else
A lot of the time, our well-wishers such as parents, friends, or family will warn us against our partners.
However, you might be under the impression that you know your relationship and your partner well enough to ignore their concerns.
In other words, you will be instinctive in defending such allegations.
You become skillful at convincing yourself that you have all the pieces of the puzzle and that they are only present for some part of your relationship.
7. Your partner’s ability and habit permit them to heal you after hurting you
During the course of a romantic relationship, we learn about our partner’s weaknesses, vulnerabilities, stressors, and even strengths. The same learning occurs for your partner.
In a toxic relationship, this information is used against you to inflict pain.
Additionally, your partner can use this information to mend the relationship and cajole you. This is manipulation disguised as healing and as making amends.
8. The economy of love
This is referring to a cognitive illusion in decision making, a fallacy, that is the sunken cost fallacy coming into play.
To elaborate, you feel you have invested too much time and effort to walk away now and start anew.
However, in reality, you are putting more resources (time and effort) into correcting the errors of the past that will constantly be a problem.
While it is difficult to walk away, the main takeaway is that you need to let the past go and focus on what can be salvaged and mended.
The idea of this is not to stop putting in the time and effort but shift the focus to the future.
Additionally, this fallacy explains why one ends up staying in such toxic and detrimental relationships.
Examples Of A Tumultuous Relationship
You are not alone if you are or have been in a tumultuous relationship. There have been many celebrities who have had their fair share of tumultuous and turbulent relationships.
Below is the list of couples whose tumultuous relationships made the news frequently.
1. Caitlyn Jenner and Kris Jenner
The former spouses were married for 25 years and permitted their marriage’s ups and downs and the eventual split in 2015 to be aired on Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
Post the separation, in Caitlyn’s memoir The Secrets of My Life, she makes claims that Kris was aware of her desire to transition.
However, the show documented that Kris’s children came to her defense. Additionally, many of them have a tense relationship with Caitlyndue to these claims.
2. Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian
The couple ended things once and for all in 2015 after nearly being in an on-and-off relationship for a decade.
This decision followed Scott Disick’s rekindling romance with his ex Chloe Bartoli which was documented on Keeping Up With Kardashians.
3. Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian
Just seven months into meeting each other, the couple got engaged in 2011. The NBA player and the Keeping Up With the Kardashians alum aired their lavish wedding months later.
However, Kim backed off just after 72 days into the marriage.
The two officially divorced in April 2013 as Humpheries filed for an annulment alleging that the whole marriage was a sham.
Therefore, their turbulent relationship had quite a long run.
4. Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler
MTV’s Meet the Barkers showcased their former relationship in 2005. The viewers got a front-row seat to the fights and the making-up till the couple split up in 2006.
Mental instability and infidelity were cited as the reasons for their separation.
However, the unresolved issues surfaced between the former spouses when Travis Barker began dating Kourtney Kardashian in late 2020.
Moakler, who shares children with Barker, alleged that he had an affair with Kourtney’s sister, Kim Kardashian in the early 2002s.
Further, she accused that this affair is what led to their divorce although the allegations have been denied by both the accused parties, Kim and Travis.
5. Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon Osbourne
The former stars of MTV’s The Osbournes have been married for more than three decades.
They have been public about their turbulent relationship which entails domestic violence, substance abuse, cheating, health scares, and more.
However, despite these hurdles, the couple has managed to work on their issues and are currently together.
How To End A Tumultuous Relationship
Ending such a relationship is quite a task and it is neither easy nor quick. However, despite the difficulty, it is worth walking away from something like this if that is your decision.
While there are many ways to put an end to such relationships, you need to be very careful when you terminate such relationships.
For instance, it will involve a lot of soul searching, planning, talking it out, and finally, tiptoeing to start a new life altogether.
1. Ending the Tumultuous Relationship
A. Remember why you need to end the relationship
You need a strong argument from the beginning to end a tumultuous relationship. Therefore, you begin by listing your reason for how the relationship is toxic and why it needs to end.
Such a relationship can prevent you from growing. It can isolate you from others and lastly, it can be borderline or full-on abusive.
B. Rehearse this conversation repeatedly
Rehearse what you have to say in front of a mirror or with a friend. Doing this beforehand will prepare you for the actual conversation and will make you feel confident.
However, there can be minor changes in the actual conversation.
C. Give your partner a heads up that you want to talk
For the sake of etiquette and to ensure that you are not blindsiding your partner, give them advance notice that you want to talk and when they will be available to talk.
With your safety as your priority, reach out over meeting in person, over the call, or via text.
D. Choose the location to have this talk
A face-to-face conversation is a preferred method if it is a possibility. Select the place for the conversation based on how you predict the conversation will go.
If you think the person will get angry, then choose a public place. If it is abusive, then choose to talk via call or text.
E. Be definitive and assertive
Be clear with your decision to end the relationship and what is not working in the relationship. Being direct and assertive with the reasoning is important.
Make sure the reason for breaking up also includes why you want to end it and not what other people think or what you think.
F. Give your partner a chance to explain themselves
There is a good chance that your partner will want to contribute to the conversation. You can hear them out or give them a chance to explain as long as it is free of insults, abusive language, or threats.
If they try to convince you to not end, then reiterate that you have decided to end it. Be direct, assertive, and concise.
If they choose to be argumentative or become angry, then tell them that you did not come to argue and walk away. Be clear that you do not want them to follow.
2. Maintaining the Breakup
A. Draw clear boundaries
A toxic person will not be too accepting of the breakup. In such cases, be clear and tell them you do not want them in your life anymore.
If it escalates, do make sure that the respective authorities are involved. In cases where you spot threatening or alarming behavior, you can warn them once or twice but do not entertain it.
B. Cut all contact with the person
Ensure to follow through with your decision on maintaining a distance post the breakup.
Cut off all communication with this person. It is also advisable to change up our routine if you frequent some places regularly.
C. Be vigilant for any manipulation or counter strike
You need to be vigilant for any manipulative tactics that can be executed by a toxic person. In some cases, a person might try to win you back with good behavior.
Some might try to ruin your reputation so that they are the only person in your life remaining. However, do not let their manipulations pull you back into this trap.
Cutting ties completely is mainly to minimize and control any further damage. Do not answer any calls, texts, messages, or emails, and do not entertain any contact requests.
D. Seek support and accountability from your loved ones
You should call in for a supportive friend or a family member if you are having trouble maintaining a distance from the toxic person. Explain the situation, and ask them for help to stay accountable.
This supportive friend or family member can help tackle or resist you from replying to a text from this said toxic person.
E. Involve authorities if necessary
In some extreme cases, it might be necessary to involve the authorities.
If the person keeps visiting you or contacting you which makes you feel unsafe in any way, then it is time to slap this person with a restraining order.
3. Healing the Emotional Wounds
A. Open up to someone you trust
Bottling up your emotions and feelings leaves you isolated as you are dealing with them all alone. Talk about how you are feeling and open up about what happened to you.
Confide with a family member or a trusted friend. Additionally, if you have a certain specific form of support, do communicate it with them.
B. Try to build some healthy relationships
Replace the toxic ones with some positive and healthy relationships. To truly move on you must make yourself available to such relationships.
To elaborate, you can find such relationships with your existing connections. In other words, you can deepen your relationships with those who make you feel good.
You can make some new friends by participating in a club, organization, or even a support group. Lastly, do not jump right back into dating and give yourself some time to heal.
C. Practice self-care
You might have emptied your cup while in a toxic relationship. Now shift that focus and treat yourself with love and compassion.
It is time to build a self-care routine prioritizing your mind, body, and soul.
Ensure you have healthy, nutritious meals, exercise regularly, take long warm baths with scented candles, oil, or bubbles, and go for long strolls in nature.
Additionally, you can journal most of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
D. Address the pattern of your relationship through therapy
A participant in a toxic relationship can be a sign and reflection of an insecure attachment style stemming from childhood issues that require to be addressed.
This might have made you oblivious to most of the toxic behavior.
By seeking professional help, you can become more conscious of your childhood experiences and their impact on your adult romantic or other relationships.
You can then actively work on healing this and ensure you seek and participate in more healthy patterns.
Some Final Words
Tumultuous relationships are quite toxic and unhealthy for both the people in such a relationship.
It is a repetitive pattern and if it is unnoticed then it can be detrimental to be in such repeated relationships. Therefore, this makes it imperative that you see if you are currently in such a relationship.
Just like a tumultuous relationship, push pull relationship is also unhealthy and may affect your well-being. Want to know more about it, click here
Lavanya is currently finishing up her Masters's in Clinical Psychology. Concurrently, she is working as a psychology teacher for high school children. While teaching has been keeping her occupied, her passion for writing could not be ignored. She has a keen interest in researching the content, planning, editing, and finally delivering quality content. Her love for psychology has brought her here. Further, outside of psychology, she likes playing basketball on the weekends and is trying her hand at classical music. She likes to keep herself occupied and enjoys engaging in activities outside of her comfort zone.