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What is Relationship Compatibility and How Can You Build It?

What is Relationship Compatibility and How Can You Build It?

Updated on Sep 05, 2022

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Relationship Compatibility - Meaning, Areas, Signs and How To Approach It

Wondering what is relationship compatibility? Or, how to be more compatible in a relationship? Going through a rough patch in your relationship? 

I’m sorry if you are… you really don’t deserve it. However, I’m beyond happy that you reached out for help. Because I’m here just in time ready with this amazing think-piece. 

I’ll show you the different areas of increasing compatibility… and it’s much more than you imagine. You can revive your relationship and feelings with simple small tips in no time. 

And yes, even if your zodiac signs don’t match, you can still have a fulfilling relationship.

So, with hopes for a perfect-fitting relationship, let’s begin…

Relationship Compatibility Infographics

Relationship Compatibility - Definition & Areas of Compatibility
Relationship Compatibility – Definition & Areas of Compatibility
Signs You and Your Partner Are Compatible & Not Compatible
Signs You and Your Partner Are Compatible & Not Compatible
What To Do If You and Your Partner Are Incompatible
What To Do If You and Your Partner Are Incompatible

What is compatibility in a relationship?

Relationship compatibility is all about aligning views, beliefs, and actions in a relationship. It helps you build a long-lasting relationship.

Compatibility is two people’s potential to stay in a long-term romantic relationship. It usually depends on the similarities in their perception, thoughts, values, and lifestyles.

This is about how their choices naturally align. If someone changes their values for their partner, that’s compromising, not compatibility.

It can also depend on how two people respect one another. Couples don’t always have everything in common. So, it can be about how liberal both are to the other.

Do you believe that there’s only one soulmate for you? That only person fits you the right way in this entire world?

That’s never the case… your soulmate won’t fit you perfectly. You adjust and accept them and build compatibility. So, you might have more “soulmates” than one.

Many people reject great matches because they don’t fit perfectly. One person can’t support all aspects of your life. So, we have friends to fulfill those gaps.

Wondering how else you can be compatible? Let’s know the main…

Areas of Compatibility

As many think, compatibility doesn’t just work in the bedroom or ballroom. It’s much more than how bodies sync. It can be about your mind, your emotions… it can even be about how you look at the world.

So, let’s learn the different areas and how to boost compatibility…

1. Life Goals

What do you want from your life? Do you want to settle down and have children soon? Or, do you want to earn more money before family planning?

Do you wish to move to another city? Or, do you want to settle down where you’re born? Find someone who shares the same dream… someone who wants to and will support you.

If they can’t, you won’t feel happy or fulfilled in the relationship.

What to do?

  •  If you have lots in common, that’s a good beginning. You don’t need to worry about compatibility – because you already are.
  • If there isn’t much in common, communicate your differences. Know which aspects differ and whether they’re non-negotiable.
  •  If they’re negotiable, then do exactly that. For instance, they want to move to another city… you don’t. Can you move in between the two cities? Will that work for you?
  • Before you seal the deal, make sure you understand what you signed up for. Will you truly be happy? Or, are you forcing yourself?
  • Once you seal it, don’t nag them for the differences. Respect their choices and understand one another’s thoughts.

2. Intellect

Nobody knows everything about this world. Intellect isn’t something you’re born with but acquires with time.

Suppose your partner doesn’t understand your puns. They blankly stare at you until you explain it out loud. It’s even possible for the first few times… however, what if it always stays the same?

The joke dies and you wonder if you both can ever talk smoothly. If you feel that your partner is ignorant, it will impact the relationship.

You will obviously look for people with compatible intelligence.

What to do?

  • Never say it on their face unless you want to hurt them and break up.
  • Find out if they’re ignorant about everything. Or, do you have mismatched interests? Possibly you expect too much from them?
  • If it’s an important part of their life, explain it word to word. Teach them through the ideas and have fun together.
  • Don’t pressure them into your interests alone. Try learning their interests too. Try to build shared intellect in your relationship.
  • While your partner still learns, you’ll yearn for some mental stimulation. You might burst out if you don’t get enough of it. So, spend more time with friends who share similar interests.

3. Finances

You may say “Money can’t buy you happiness”… well it doesn’t because it shows us the way to it. A person with money at least won’t beg others during desperate times.

If you and your partner don’t have the same views on finances, it might be a mess.

Suppose you work hard to secure your life, while your partner spends it without a worry. If you’re the sole earner and have great aspirations… while your partner doesn’t… not a good match.

What to do?

  • Honestly share your earnings, debts, current individual monthly expenses, and future possible ones.
  •  If any of you earns more, how does that impact your thoughts? Do you want to contribute equally or proportionally?
  • If you have other responsibilities like children or old parents, are they willing to take responsibility? Don’t assume they will… they might disappoint you later.
  • Communicate about how you feel about earning more? If you earn and contribute more for their parents… will you feel happy? Or does it seem like taking advantage? Know if you both want joint accounts.
  • Do either of you expect the other to earn more? If they have an easier lifestyle, how can they compensate for their livelihood? Must they take care of the household alone?

4. Gender role

Men work outside, earn more, and are stronger. Women are baby-making machines, they feed and raise family, and do the household chores.

If gender equality concerns you, you can’t stand such thoughts.

For ambitious women, find someone who believes in equality like you. You can’t live with someone who expects something based on your gender.

For men who want an obedient housewife, find someone who finds that exciting.

What to do?

  • Discuss your thoughts on gender roles. Do you think men must earn more? Can only men lead? Do you think women are better off at home? Ask one another such questions and know your alignment.
  •  If your boyfriend is a misogynist, patiently and respectfully explain things. Tell them about your aspirations and what makes you happy.
  • Or, if your man likes to lead, let them feel good about it. It’s okay if he’s happy with his thoughts. So long they don’t berate you, it’s cool.
  • If your girlfriend isn’t the homemaker type, don’t force them. You can’t have a happy relationship that way.
  •  If you and your partner have polar opposite thoughts about gender roles, it won’t work. End the relationship peacefully.

5. Intimacy

Intimacy can be of any type, hugs, kisses, cuddles, massage, sex… you name it. When couples don’t have mutual thoughts about intimacy, it puts your relationship in the backseat.

You question their love and commitment to the relationship. If your ways of showing love differ, that’s also troublesome. You’ll stay hungry for intimacy and feel less loved.

What to do?

  •  Identify your love languages. Know how you both show love, how you both like receiving love. Adjust your ways to show love accordingly.
  •  You can’t leave no-intimacy land in one day. So, take small steps at a time… like spending more time together. Talk at the end of the day during dinner, while watching shows, or in bed.
  •  Plan dates for everything possible. If you feel awkward snuggling up to your partner out of the blue… this one is for you. Fix a day for kissing or massaging one another. Or even to curl up in bed all day and talk.
  • House dates are fine, but if there’s no quarantine, go out more often. Deck up your best and kill with your looks. Show off your cool side to one another.
  • Get a bit more crazy every day. Slowly take small steps and surprise them. It can be gifts or a new way to express your love. Don’t sulk if they refuse, communicate about the likes and dislikes again.

6. Habits

Some people are very punctual while others are a lazy bum. Some are clean freaks, while others don’t mind a little chaos. Some like mild food, others want spicy food.

The world is full of people with distinct choices… bottom line: we’re all unique. So, we hardly find the one with the exact same habits like us.

And these differences can invite huge chaos in your relationship. Also, nobody asks before dating, “Do you leave the toilet seat up or down?” so it gets messy.

What to do?

  • Before you start dating, know them well. Starting from your morning to bedtime routine… from your eating habits to toilet ones. This sounds embarrassing but discuss it… otherwise every day will be war.
  • If there are negotiable differences, discuss how you’ll compromise. For non-negotiable ones, share your reasons to dislike them. Let them decide how they feel about it.
  • Try knowing if they dislike your habits. They might dislike something about you and still compromise. Give them a fair chance to feel comfortable. 
  •  If you began dating and found many differences, then communicate about it. Discuss the non-negotiable ones with proper reasons. Have fun during the conversation, nothing too heavy.
  • If nothing works out even after this, discuss how you want your life. Do you want to live with the differences and embrace them? Or, do they matter a lot and you wish to separate?

7. Values

Your values build you and your life choices. Clashing values can be a deal-breaker in relationships. Two people’s values might not completely align. However, it’s a must for a healthy relationship.

For instance, you believe loyalty is important for a relationship. However, your romantic interest doesn’t.

It’s not bad news… because you both can still compromise.

What to do?

  •  Discuss the fundamental values – honesty, respect, loyalty, compassion, kindness… there are many more so search it up to understand one another well.
  • Know if you have more conflicting or similar values. With more conflicting values, you’ll need more effort in the relationship.
  • If there are more conflicting values, think if you’re ready to compromise a lot. Will you feel happy about it? Or, will the compromises burn you out or burden you emotionally?
  • Know how your partner feels about it. Do they want to work through the differences and have a better future? If yes, then start right this moment… don’t wait for later. 
  •  If they disrespect this discussion, there’s no option to negotiate.

 Does that sound like a lot of work? Want to bail out from it? I’ll suggest against that, let’s know from…

Why is compatibility important in a relationship?

When people don’t choose a compatible partner, they regret it when their initial magic wears off. Many relationships end sourly when they don’t find anything common at all.

Nobody can be happy without relationship compatibility. However, most people don’t notice the compatibility factor before dating.

You look for common past experiences… be it back from childhood or bad relationships. When you notice a similarity, you think you can handle their heart better.

That’s how you sense romantic compatibility in the beginning of a relationship.

Sometimes you also choose your polar opposite because you wish to be like them. However, you don’t really become like them. Instead, you grow resentful and jealous.

The very thing that attracts you towards someone… later becomes unbearable and reasons for ending a romantic relationship.

However, if you focus on relationship compatibility, such possibilities diminish. You don’t look for a lost puzzle piece in them… you don’t demand them to fulfill you in impossible ways.

Rather, when you focus on relationship compatibility… you accept one another’s true self. So, compatibility can strengthen your relationship by a few folds.

Did you hear the term chemistry? Not the science subject, the relationship one. Think it’s the same? Let’s figure it out…

Compatibility vs Chemistry

Compatibility is more about the similarities and chemistry focuses on the emotional connection between the opposites. It’s the differences that complete your shortcomings and help you grow.

Often people use the terms compatibility and chemistry interchangeably. They refer to both as a connection between romantic partners.

It’s invisible to the naked eye, but others can feel it when they sync. However, there’s a fine line between both.

Compatibility is about aligning and similar thoughts.

Chemistry, however, defines the emotional connection between romantic partners. With the perfect chemistry, you feel warm endearing feelings of acceptance.

It’s when they encourage you and make you feel confident. They take up space in your mind because you crave them more. People might say you’re obsessed or so in love because you two click well.

The phrase “opposites attract” works perfectly for chemistry. It might be because they fill up your shortcomings. Perhaps they’re a better mentor to your children or better at handling finances.

Chemistry also depends on your feelings towards your partner’s reactions, curiosity, intimacy, helpfulness, smell, or even the cute quirks.

Compatibility and chemistry both are equally important in relationships. Wondering how to use them? Let’s find out from…

The healthy mix of compatibility and chemistry in relationships

Mostly, both compatibility and chemistry aren’t equally present in relationships… at least the balance is usually missing. You might never find 100% compatibility + 100% chemistry… if any of you have, bless that couple!

But, let’s get back to business…

1. With high compatibility and low chemistry

Relationships feel comfortable yet dull… like how two old friends who ran out of interesting topics. The relationship stays just for the heck of it. Soon you both stop caring and grow apart.

Or, you accept how things are, get married, and compromise throughout your life. This is quite common because there’s nothing particularly wrong… since there’s no conflict.

2. With low compatibility and high chemistry

This is a disastrous mixture with lots of conflicts. You possibly stay back for the wrong reasons only in such relationships.

It’s usually because of how you’re a good match in bed or because of other physical attributes.

Such couples depend on the initial chemistry to sustain the relationship. They talk a lot about fate and destiny because they like something about one another. It’s full of passion but not compassion or unity.

It’s a shortcut to a toxic relationship.

3. With low compatibility and low chemistry

This is a very unusual relationship type. The absence of both love compatibility and chemistry makes it void. You don’t have any reason to stay together.

However, it’s possible if you’re both victims of forced arranged marriage. Nobody willingly gets into it and rather looks for escape routes from it.

There’s no communication or coordination in such relationships either.

4. With high compatibility and high chemistry

This is a balanced relationship structure, but everyone isn’t blessed. You both have similar thoughts and complete one another perfectly. It’s lovely and there’s hardly a reason to end such relationships.

Want to be compatible? Don’t know how? Let’s get some ideas here…

What makes people compatible?

If you want to increase your compatibility, first align your thoughts in some respects. Wondering how you will know where you differ?

Well, communicate about these basic life aspects and compare your types. Figure out your relationship compatibility with these…

1. Neatness

Suppose you love keeping your space clean. Your partner, however, feels nothing about it. They make a mess out of things and leave the fixing for later.

By virtue, the “later” never comes and it all becomes your responsibility. If a neat-freak and a slob in a long-term relationship, it’s war-time.

If your apartment looks orderly, while there’s a complete mess… you might feel “How cute! Let me help them out a bit”. No, it won’t work for too long unless they change.

2. Punctuality

Some people feel anxious when they get late. And others don’t feel anything at all until the last minute. When such people date, they’ll obviously fight over punctuality.

For instance, imagine making your date wait on you because of your laziness. It’s the perfect way to begin a fight. So, date someone who values time like you.

3. Intimacy

Many people don’t feel comfortable talking about their sexual desires. Also, some believe in unfair gender roles about intimacy and sex.

Sexual compatibility includes similarities in your libido, interest in different sexual actions. Other forms of intimacy include hugging, kissing, or any other non-sexual contact.

The unrealistic expectations to satisfy one another without a word damage relationships. Intimacy strengthens emotional connections too. A lack of similar interest hurts the relationship foundations.

4. Spending pattern

Money is a huge issue in relationships after intimacy. Couples feel awkward about discussing financial expectations.

It’s usually because “Love is beyond money”… it is, but not when it threatens financial stability.

But when both of you don’t agree with spending patterns, it threatens family security and leads to separations. It gets in the way of your or your children’s secured future.

5. Religious beliefs

People with different religious beliefs make great matches with understanding and compassion. It’s a controversial thought but… humans made religions, not the other way round. We’re the same inside.

However, there are some challenges in such relationships. They can’t decide which religion their children will take. Will they accept both teachings equally?

Also, if nobody converts and both practice their own religions, the child may feel confused.

6. Priorities

Some people live in the moment and enjoy life without much stress. Others take everything seriously and always aim to win in life.

Some live to work and others work to live a better life. Your spouse and children are your priority… your partner might prioritize work, friends, or their parents.

If your priorities don’t align, you won’t feel as important in their life. This invites more relationship issues even when you compromise.

7. Together time

Suppose you feel comfortable spending time with yourself… but your partner wants more couple time. You’ll naturally label them clingy.

You’ll hate them sticking to you and disturbing your alone time. They’ll hurt when you don’t reciprocate similar feelings. Mismatching expectations never work out in romantic relationships.

8. Emotional intensity

Suppose your emotions are very loud… you express every emotion distinctly and vividly.

However, when your partner feels something, you don’t notice it… or they don’t let you notice things. So, their emotional intensity is lower than yours.

Your partner might feel burdened and suffocated with your intense emotions. You might mistake their faint emotions for lack of interest.

Only when two people of similar emotional intensity date, do they hit it off effortlessly.

9. Unpredictability

Some people love spontaneity, others like planning beforehand. There’s nothing wrong with either… both kinds of people find happiness differently.

The troubles begin when such people date one another.

If you’re the spontaneous one alone, you’ll always make plans on a whim… and always enjoy them alone. You’ll feel hurt and lonely that your partner isn’t there for you.

Your partner might find your actions uncomfortable… it becomes a huge mess.

10. Nourishment

This is a relationship must-have, else it stunts your relationship and personal development. Couples must show love to one another in different ways.

You might give them a foot massage, prepare their favorite meal, or pamper them any other way. If only one person pampers the other, it becomes burdensome.

A healthy relationship begins with equal love and sacrifices. One-sided care results in anger and insecurities.

11. Socializing

Social gatherings are an important part of some people’s lives. They like to party, make friends, and have a good time.

Suppose you’re an introvert and date an extrovert. Your partner will go out every weekend to socialize with others while you stay back.

This might significantly reduce the time you spend together. Also, your partner might resent you for not accompanying them. It’s too troublesome when you don’t have the same thoughts.

12. Appearances

Conventional attractiveness doesn’t mean anything in relationships. However, when you fall in love, you naturally find your partner attractive.

If you judge your partner’s looks and feel discontent with it… it might become a major issue later. You might find someone more attractive later and break up for poor excuses.

13. Activity

If one of you is a fitness enthusiast while the other is a lazy bum… you’ll hardly spend enough time together. It might be any kind of fun and creative activity for mental and emotional health.

For instance, you might go jogging or to the gym in the morning. Your partner might stay in bed late. Your day passes without much interaction.

Even if your partner accompanies you unwillingly, that will lead to resentment.

14. Perspective

Some people are born optimistic… They look at the brighter side and always feel happy with their life. Others fear good things because something will soon go bad. They can’t take anything as it is.

For instance, their partner surprises them. Instead of being happy, they imagine their partner cheating. They interpret loving gestures as apologetic ones.

Different perspectives on life can result in disappointments later.

15. Intelligence

A couple of the same intellectual level easily communicates with one another. They can resolve conflicts effortlessly. Also, they enjoy one another’s interesting thoughts better.

They never feel bored of their topics either which builds a healthy relationship.

Want to skip this conversation? Or, don’t think these aspects matter? Well, for a better idea, take a look at…

Signs you and your partner are compatible

If you and your partner don’t have enough time… or you found the different aspects of compatibility irrelevant, there’s a better way.

Verify if you and your partner are compatible with these signs, all by yourself. With hopes of good news, let’s begin…

1. You love one another’s body

Though love and lust are two different things, both are signs of a healthy relationship. If their body makes your heart skip a beat, you’re pretty compatible.

Of course, it alone doesn’t define your compatibility… but it’s an important aspect.

2. You love their personality

Another green signal is when you love their personalities. That said, even if you find a loophole, you show them how to be a better person.

You don’t hope for them to change, but if they do, you’re there to help out.

3. You have freedom

In a compatible relationship, partners can show their true selves. Nobody judges the other about it, nobody pretends to be someone else.

Since you both like one another the way you are, there’s no farce in the relationship.

4. You believe in their love

Compatible partners have a strong foundation of trust and faith. You both feel confident in the other’s love. There’s not an ounce of doubt between you folks.

5. You share some interests

Though not all, you both share some common interests. You spend more time together during these moments.

Also, you both usually try to learn new hobbies and know one another more.

6. There’s no hiding

Compatible partners are brutally honest with one another. There’s no secrecy about their life or feelings for one another. If you feel they’re wrong, you say it respectfully instead of judging them.

7. You say Yes to conflict resolution

Every couple out there fights and that’s pretty normal.

However, compatible partners don’t stop at fights alone. You resolve it and find a solution together. So, you don’t have the same fights either. And you do it pretty respectfully and calmly too.

8. You boast about them

Unfortunately, some people speak behind their partners about their negative aspects.

Compatible partners communicate about their flaws and work them out privately. They also show off their partner’s positives publicly and take pride in it.

9. You like their quirky family

Well, not all families are great… We all know some family members who are always dissatisfied. If you two respect and get along with one another’s family despite such dynamics… that’s a cool sign.

It implies you’re compatible and love one another unconditionally

10. You put one another first

Whether you call it a compatible, healthy, or happy relationship… one thing is always important – priority.

If you both prioritize one another in the toughest times, it’s true love. Your relationship is full of contentment and satisfaction.

11. You own your mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes once in a while, and they lead to conflicts. However, if you two don’t fear taking responsibility for your mess, that’s relationship compatibility. 

Compatible couples don’t blame one another or act defensive during disagreements.

12. Your values are mutual

When couples have mutual values, they have more to talk about. They share a link of intimacy and connection with one another. This is another sign you’re compatible partners.

Also, common values and philosophies reduce the extent of relationship fights.

13. You wanna be better together

Whether it’s personal development or a professional one… do you both motivate one another?  Compatible pairs always look out and help one another grow.

Such couples are quite successful and feel content with their life.

14. You have patience

At times, you might burst out into tears or rage. You let out all of your pent-up negative energy. How does your partner react during those times?

A compatible partner will treat you patiently and delicately. You might even feel like a rare piece of art they treasure.

15. Sacrifices come from both ends

Compatibility doesn’t mean you two will always match. That’s simply not possible so all relationships demand compromise.

If you’re both willing to give up small things for one another, that’s a good sign. Equal and balanced compromises help couples grow together.

16. You keep it exciting

With the passing years, boredom seeps into relationships. You possibly know one another too well and there’s nothing more to know. However, if you try to keep the relationship new, that’s a good sign.

Compatible partners always surprise one another. Even when you have grey hair and your adult children leave the nest… you’re always there making new memories.

17. You also like alone time

Spending time together is important in relationships. However, it’s also important to spend time apart. Compatible partners don’t stick to one another all day long.

This is when you focus on work, friends, family, and yourself. You grow to be an independent person deeply in love.

18. You calm their nerves

During the worst times, does your partner run to you for a hug? Or whenever anything goes wrong with you, do they always lend their ears?

Of course, it’s because you find solace in one another’s presence… that’s another definition of a compatible couple.

19. You know their love language

Couples usually have different love languages and that’s no biggie. However, do you know one another’s love languages?

When you identify one another’s love language… when you show them love their way… it boosts your relationship compatibility.

20. You complete one another

Everyone has some imperfections which spike conflicts, insecurities, and separations. However, if you feel that your partner fills up your imperfections and the void inside you.

If they encourage you to be better and boost your confidence with their love… that’s a compatible relationship sign.

That said, compatibility and love aren’t the same. Anxious if you made a blunder? Let’s learn from these…

Signs you’re mistaking compatibility for love

Your compatibility only implies our coordination. But sometimes you might be extremely compatible with a friend too and not hold any romantic feelings.

So, let’s know if it’s love or a misunderstanding…

1. You’re in for the safety and comfort

Safety and comfort are important in everlasting relationships. However, if you become dependent on your partner for such feelings… or, stick to them because you feel terrified to seek love… It’s not okay.

You’re dating them because they’re convenient, not because of love. The convenience is a sign of compatibility and you misinterpreted it as love. There’s no real attraction in the relationship.

2. You keep to yourself

Can you show your real self to your partner? Or, does that thought trouble you? Showing your vulnerabilities is normal in true love.

You won’t feel insecure about their thoughts. Your real self comes out naturally. If the compatibility signs match but you’re not ready to express yourself… It’s not love.

3. You hoped they changed a bit

Sometimes, do you subconsciously fantasize about your partner’s altered version? Do you hope for slight changes in them?

Perhaps they aren’t too serious so you never brought them up. But you hope that they were like someone else you knew.

If yes, you don’t really love all of them. You still have unsatisfied desires in your relationship. You can’t wholeheartedly love them for the differences.

4. You motivate yourself to stay

Picture yourselves 10 years down the lane. Are you unsure about a future together? Do you feel insecure about the future?

Perhaps, your friends and family convinced you’re a good match. So, you motivate yourself to stay and make them happy?

If yes, it’s unfair to stay without love… both to you and your partner. Don’t stick together only because of public opinion.

5. It’s more of friendship

In this relationship, how much do you flirt? Or do you flirt with everyone else other than your partner?

It’s great to be friends with your life partner. However, if you friendzone them when it’s about romance, that’s concerning.

Possibly, you’re in a relationship for friendly support. You don’t love them back… so, you can also flirt with others.

Think you’re in love but something is off? Well, then gotta head in here…

Signs you and your partner are NOT compatible

If most of the compatibility signs didn’t match… you might feel anxious. Well, not all relationships follow specific rules, but there are some basics.

If they don’t match, I understand your concern. So, it’s always better to check them… 

1. You both have different goals

Do you want more than five kids in the future? While your partner doesn’t like kids at all? Or, do you want to get married ASAP, but your partner doesn’t?

If your future goals don’t align, then there’s hardly any compatibility.

Sure, compromise is an option, but how long? Will you compromise from the beginning to the end? Will they compromise at all? If not, review the relationship.

2. Nobody gives in

After conflicts, who gives in first? Is there any rule about making-up with each other? Or, do you always stretch the conflicts?

If ego and self-respect always come between your relationship… for you both… that’s a red flag. Stubborn people have good relationships too.

However, they usually date not-so-stubborn people.

3. Your intellectual level clashes

Think about the relationship between a researcher and a willing school dropout… How does that sound?

Think about their common interests… They don’t have much in common because one finds studying interesting, the other doesn’t. The intellectual level mismatches so they can’t share much.

Initially, the relationship might feel exciting. However, in the long run, it won’t work out. Once they run out of excitement… They can’t talk at all.

If this rings a bell, think again about your relationship.

4. You don’t communicate

Communication is another foundation of relationships. Do you guys sit together to talk? If not, then did you completely give up on communicating?

If yes, then your relationship is in the danger zone. Soon the relationship might feel too boring. There’s hardly any compatibility if you both aren’t ready to talk.

5. The love is dying

Do you think the sparks in your relationship faded? Perhaps there was exciting chemistry in the beginning… but no more? Does your heart no more skip a beat for them?

Then, are you around because it feels safe and sound… because you fear hunting for love once again? If your honest answer is yes, then you’re not compatible.

6. They prioritize friends over you

Are you satisfied with their attention towards you? Or do you crave for more? Do you think they focus on other loved ones and hobbies more than you?

If you feel dissatisfied with the amount of attention, then there are mismatching needs… an alarming sign of incompatibility.

7. You only fight away

Fights are normal in relationships… even the most loving partners do it. However, if there’s no making up, communication, or conflict resolution, the relationship is toxic.

A relationship full of arguments reeks of incompatibility and dissatisfaction.

8. There’s nothing common

You aren’t your partner’s clone or twin… everything doesn’t match and that’s okay. However, if there isn’t an ounce of common interest, how will you spend time together?

You’ll feel bored accompanying one another… because there’s nothing interesting. Quality time will feel burdensome and there will be no chance to communicate.

If this sounds familiar, you guys might be incompatible.

9. Your beliefs clash

Differing beliefs and values can be a huge issue in relationships. For instance, if you believe in saving money, but your partner believes in living in the moment or in excess charity… that’s concerning.

It might put your and your children’s future in danger. You might live with insecurities and fear every day of your life. You’ll resent your partner and it might end up messy.

Think again about this incompatibility before rushing into the relationship.

10. Your perspectives clash too hard

Are you an optimist while your partner always magnifies the negatives? Do they always pull down their spirits with their dark mood? Do they say you have unrealistic expectations?

Perspective issues make couples miserable. Their pessimism might rub off on you too. Your thoughts and opinions are complete opposites.  

11. You hide your real self

For any reason, do you suppress your emotions? Do you worry about bothering them with your feelings? Did they say you bother them with your feelings?

Nobody must hide their hurt in front of their loved ones. If they compel you to suppress yourself, that’s an alarming sign of incompatibility.

12. Your libido mismatch

Do you want to change the frequency of sex? Do you feel frustrated or exhausted from the frequency? If either of you has issues with your sex life, you’re incompatible.

However, you can fix it if you compromise with one another.

13. You think they changed

At the beginning of the relationship, feel they were a better person? Think they changed once you became official? All humans change with time because of life struggles and other issues.

If you don’t like them how they are now, you don’t love the-current-them. Further, they might change even more in the future… will you leave them for that? If yes, then you’re not compatible.

14. There’s no laughter in the relationship

Did their sense of humor die? Or do you find their jokes lame now? Do they not seem as fun as before?

Do their silly quirks seem unbearable? If you mostly answered yes, that’s a red flag.

You no longer like the person… There’s nothing in common between you two.

15. You’re against learning their language

People in love may have different languages of love. Everyone likes to receive love in different forms. It might be favors, encouraging words, gifts, time spent, or physical intimacy.

Are you two ready to learn or use one another’s language? If not, there’s major incompatibility… you both might feel unloved even when you receive it.

16. You don’t notice they’re hurt

Can you hear your partner’s desperation in their voice? When they feel sad, do you notice it? Or do you brush away their emotions? Perhaps, it’s not you but your partner?

Such dynamics in a relationship make it incompatible. You doubt the love and care in it. You can’t continue a relationship where one person hurts so much… while the other doesn’t care.

17. You don’t like together time

How do you like spending time with one another? Does either of you demand more time from the other? Maybe you frequently withdraw from your partner?

Perhaps you feel guilty about it, but always prioritize your comfort? Then there’s some serious compatibility issue in your relationship.

18. Your routines don’t match

Does one of you work day shifts and the other serve night ones? Or one of you is extremely busy but the other is free? Or do your off-days not align?

If that’s the case, one of you might feel neglected. If this is a temporary change, there’s nothing wrong until things resume. However, if it’s a permanent dynamic, compatibility is deteriorating.

19. They don’t defend you

When someone slanders or hurts you, whose side does your partner take? Your partner must always be by your side… unless you did something illegal.

If they never defend you, that’s a pretty bad red flag. You feel the worst when your partner takes the other side. And if they can’t change, you can’t live with such incompatibilities.

20. They make you insecure

Everyone has some insecurities… it might be teeth, skin, body shape, hair, career… it’s endless. If you ask around your friends, everyone has some… even if they’re a beauty pageant winner.

Does your partner poke fun at your insecurities? If yes, it’s an incompatible and toxic relationship. Don’t waste your time on them.

Found you’re incompatible? I’m so sorry for that, but hey, don’t lose hope just yet. We might find a way out here…

What to do if you and your partner are incompatible?

Incompatibilities are normal in a relationship. No couple is completely compatible because people are unique. So instead, focus on building compatibility. Here’s how you can do that.

1. Take deep breaths

If you find a few incompatibilities… do your little internal scream and pause. Give yourself time to process the info and don’t overreact.

An internet think-piece doesn’t summarize your relationship. We’re only here to help you sort it out. Think with a calm mind… are you happy with the current dynamics? Or, do you frequently cry in the washroom?

2. Seriously imagine your future

After understanding your feelings about your relationship, now do a small time-travel. Imagine yourself married to this person for ten years. And add the pain you feel nowadays.

Does it seem unbearable? Then that is your answer… but we’ll not jump to conclusions so fast. Also, consider how much they love and sacrifice for you.

3. Now pick out the deal breakers

Think you love your partner too much to leave? Take out a notebook and write down the areas of incompatibility. Begin with the major deal-breakers and don’t exaggerate anything.

Besides each of them, write down whether you think it’s intentional or not. Write down if you think they can compromise anyway, i.e. make a suggestion yourself.

4. Pick the okay ones too

Next, pick out the minor incompatibilities. Take another look over the major ones, and honestly answer if those are real. During emotional moments, we magnify the negatives and exaggerate our feelings.

Think about what you want about the minor ones. Will you let it be, or do you want more compromise?

5. Introduce this idea very gently

Pick out a proper time for this conversation. Be very careful and make sure they’re in a good mood. Don’t accuse or disrespect your partner.

Don’t attack them with a “We’re incompatible”. Your partner might be deeply in love with you so don’t hurt their feelings. Rather, calmly show this think-piece and ask their opinion.

6. Take off with honest communication

Next, be honest about this topic. Don’t let them ignore this topic or say this is irrelevant. If they aren’t busy, continue with the convo.

Bring out the notebook and express your feelings. Let them look through the issues. Remember this isn’t a breakup notice, you’re looking for a solution. Don’t use the list to pick fights on them ever.

7. Hold up on the ring

If you’re not married yet, keep the wedding on hold. If you already picked a date, delay it. Your wedding isn’t child’s play so take more time.

Take more time dating them, make more memories before you get into the serious stuff. If your relationship is new, marriage isn’t the answer.

8. Ponder on the decisions carefully

Think if you want to stay or leave. If you notice any toxic or abusive behaviors, leave them. However, your feelings won’t allow you to make a quick decision.

If you never experienced an incompatible relationship, you’ll try to stay. However, if you experienced one, you’ll want out of it.

9. Consider compromising more

If you want to stay, do you think you can compromise more? Perhaps, you’re not open enough to accept your partner. Try spending more time and knowing them from the beginning.

Think you can give another shot to their lame hobbies? If you love them, there mustn’t be any problem trying harmless things. It might be boring… but you might also grow to like it.

10. Don’t compromise too much

Compromises work so long you’re happy and do it willingly. If the compromises burden your heart, it’s not worth the try. Do you feel like another person when you’re with them?

If you want a long-term relationship, too many compromises won’t help it. They depend on compatibility so strive very carefully.

Want to work through the incompatibilities? Well, that’s possible too. Let’s find out…

How to approach incompatibilities?

All incompatibilities don’t imply a breakup. Many couples stay despite them. However, you mustn’t accept them silently. Depending on your relationship type, pick your best choice…

If it’s a fresh relationship, i.e., less than six months, follow these rules…

1. Don’t date them if they are addicted to any substances. Substance abuse can lead to financial issues, domestic abuse, and parenting issues.

2. Call it quits if one of you wants a monogamous relationship while the other doesn’t. It can later lead to infidelity and heartbreaks.

3. If they’re unemployed and you can’t accept a freeloader, end it. Also, if you think they might leech you off, that’s another reason.

4. Discuss when you want to settle down like marriage, children, and the number of children. If the answers don’t match, are you cool with it?

5. Discuss where you’ll live in the future. Will either of you move out or both plan to stay? Once again, try negotiating anything.

If there are major deal breakers, call it off.

If it’s a long-term relationship…

Communicate honestly about your desires and ponder on the five rules mentioned above. It’s not easy to break off a serious commitment, however, know where you stand in the relationship.

Think about compromising in the relationship. Remember, adjust lovingly, not forcefully. And if you force yourself or them, it never works for the best.

If your partner needs time, be patient and respectful towards them. Nothing changes overnight, just how you need time to understand you’re incompatible.

If you’re married…

The process for LTR and marriage is the same. However, you might run out of patience… no judging, it’s usually because you tried for much longer and harder.

If things become unbearable, seek a licensed marriage therapist and focus on the positives.

Is your head buzzing with more questions? Thought so!  After all, you want the best for your relationship. So, let’s check some…

FAQs about relationship compatibility

Your relationship compatibility might be different from others… you can’t compare your relationship with others and mustn’t either.

However, take baby steps to show them your love. Hold their hands so they can carefully take some steps too. Come on, let’s get some more info here…

1. Do astrology or numerology affect relationship compatibility?

Based on your zodiac signs:

Air signs (Aquarius, Libra, and Gemini) are compatible with fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius).

Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) are compatible with earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn).

But honestly, there are tons of relationships where couples despite following the pairing didn’t find happiness… and vice versa.

Believe in yourself, not your birth chart… trust me, you can also work without it. If you’re both loving, kind, and prioritize one another, you can change this world.

2. Is it important to find a partner compatible with you in every aspect?

You’ll never find someone 100% compatible with you. If you hang on to this idea, you might miss great relationships.

Hoping for an ideal partner only brings in misery. So, focus on some basic boundaries and stick to them. When you find them, introduce your likes and dislikes and notice if they have similar feelings.

If they don’t and you still like them, there’s nothing wrong with that. Go with the flow, love hard, and expect them to love you back equally. Also, don’t forget to spell out the expectations.

3. What if you’ve fallen out of love due to incompatibilities?

Review your relationship and feelings. Don’t jump in to revive a dead relationship. If you’re sure about your feelings and the reasons, communicate and suggest some ways to find a solution.

Make the suggestions based on both of your wellness. Don’t force it on your partner and allow them time. Things might work out so hang in there or reach out to a relationship coach or marriage counselor.

4. Can incompatible relationships be successful?

No couple is completely compatible… so some incompatibility always plays around in the background. So, depending on how incompatible your relationship is, you can work through it.

With love, care, and devotion, revive your relationship. And of course, you need both-sided efforts to make it successful.

However, addiction, exclusivity, and financial instabilities are always solid deal breakers.

5. When to break up for relationship incompatibility?

When nobody tries to compromise or you’re past the point of resolving the issues… that’s when. However, don’t give up without a last try.

Also, consider relationship coaching if you’re serious about it. Try everything so you don’t regret it later. Break up only when nothing works out.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Despite incompatibility in relationships, some people don’t stop trying. Even if their partner doesn’t actively fix the relationship, they compromise endlessly. 

And then one fine day, they find themselves on the verge of a cliff. They moved back too far to accommodate their partner. 

And then there are ones who work through incompatibilities… but never put themselves at a disadvantage. They balance both their and their partner’s needs. 

Be hopeful and passionate in love… however never give away your dignity in the name of love.