Have you heard about the famous five love languages by Chapman?
I’m sure you have… that’s why you’re here, reading this.
Well, honestly Chapman called them Love Languages for a reason… They help you communicate your love and affection to your significant other… without getting lost in the translation.
Often, when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, most of your attempts to express love and affection to your partner fail… either because you are incapable of expressing it in a significant manner or because your partner is incapable of perceiving it.
This mismatch can be aligned with the help of Love Languages.
So, without further ado, let’s dive in.
Love Languages Infographics
What are the 5 Love Languages?
The five love languages are quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch.
The five love languages: quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch are five distinct ways humans communicate love to their partners.
Everyone has a unique personality and, so is their expression of love.
Gary Chapman developed this concept of love languages to resolve issues faced by couples. This concept lies in his famous book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Discovering your love language is not a difficult task. However, you also need to identify your partner’s love language to help understand the emotional needs of each other and vice versa.
This way, you will both be able to support each other’s growth and life journey.
Here is an overview of each of the five love languages Chapman describes:
Words of affirmation: compliments, appreciation, words of encouragement, and affectionate words.
Acts of service: helping in their daily chores, doing other small tasks.
Receiving Gifts: A surprise dinner, engagement ring, bouquet of roses.
Quality time: undivided attention.
Physical touch: holding hands, cuddles, kissing.
Now, let us study each of these love languages in detail.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are used to convey feelings of affection to your partner verbally. People with this love language expect frequent compliments from their loved ones.
You must have heard couples complaining that their partner’s don’t say (I love you)s as frequently as they would like to hear. This desire to hear (I love you)s at the end are examples of verbal affirmation of affection.
Words of affirmation also include heart-melting compliments, encouraging speech on days of crisis, and all the other verbal acknowledgments of love.
Verbally spoken and written words of affection are precious for some people. It makes them feel positive, energetic, appreciated, desired and loved.
For example, when your partner tells you, your heart skips a beat:
Oh, wow, you look great!
I love you!
I love the way your lips move when you talk.
You look so stunning and irresistible.
Great Job. You did amazing.
If these words make you feel loved and more attracted towards your partner, you have found your love language. If not, let us move on to the next: Quality Time.
Love Language #2: Quality Time
For people whose love language is quality time, they desire to spend more time with them and feel loved when their partners are actively listening to their conversations.
People with Quality Time as their love language value the undivided attention given by their partner. Honestly, who doesn’t?
They feel adored while spending quality time with their beloved and engaging in deep conversations.
Eye contacts, active listening, and the complete presence of their loved ones are all they look for in a day.
They are always up for hanging out with you. But you should make sure there are no distractions around like cell phones, office work, or anything.
If your heart feels warm with these acts, then you’re one of them.
A road trip with your partner.
A dinner date night with deep conversations.
Heart-to-heart conversation in bed
Doing favorite activities together
A romantic eye-to-eye conversation at a party.
But if you don’t relate to this either, here’s presenting the third love language.
Love Language #3: Physical Touch
People who are more inclined towards building intimacy in a relationship or look for physical signs of expressing affection have physical touch as their love language.
People whose love language is Physical touch value intimacy in their relationship. They like being touched, kissed, and hugged… all the time.
No, it’s not just about sex… for these people, physical touch means a lot more – like a reassurance or a sense of comfort.
So, it will be completely unfair to call it lust.
These people are not sex-driven, they just don’t feel the love unless touched. People whose love language is physical touch are passionate lovers who can develop intense intimacy in their relationship.
Come on! It is just the turn-ons that you feel when your partner touches you, and this time the turn-ons are both calming, and exciting!
If physical intimacy is your love language, there is no need to hesitate while acknowledging the same to your partner. Let me tell you that, this is one of the most exciting and powerful love languages one can have.
But if you still haven’t found your own, keep reading.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
People with Acts of Service as their love language appreciate their partners’ efforts to make their lives easier.
Acts of service is the love language for people who believe that actions speak louder than words.
They find love in the little things that their partners do for them, for example, preparing the first cup of coffee in the morning or giving them a head massage when they need it.
If this is your love language, you may expect small things such as keeping the dinner warm for you at night or lending you a hand at daily chores.
You like to feel the depth of love and care in the form of actions. You appreciate it when your partner goes all the way out to make your life comfortable.
Yes, the ones with this love language treat their loved ones with an equally caring attitude.
Iron their clothes.
Give a head massage.
Give efficient suggestions when they are in need.
Serve them with small needs.
If you feel out-of-the-world when your partner does these things for you, buddy, you’ve found your love language.
Well, can’t blame no one… love makes us do things we would never do otherwise.
Finally, let’s find out about the last love language.
Love Language #5: Receiving Gifts
Those who have been Receiving Gifts and have it as their love language are not necessarily greedy or selfish people. They just feel loved and cherished with the “visual symbols of love”.
People with this love language value the whole gifting process and it’s the thought put behind it that makes them feel loved… not the monetary value.
They like receiving meaningful gifts with emotional sentiments of love attached to them. The presents are more about a symbolic value of affection rather than being an expensive one.
It is not easy to predict what such people expect from you, but it is just so warming to have such partners. They make your life so happening and adventurous!
If you’re one of them, I’m sure, you keep the souvenirs hidden in your wardrobe.
Give gifts that remind them of your love.
A surprise dinner.
An engagement ring.
Give an emotional and symbolic gift that represents your relationship.
A surprise shopping spree.
Do not worry. You are not greedy if receiving gifts happens to be your primary love language. It is all about collecting the keepsakes along with the memories of love.
And if a physical gift can help you do so, there is nothing awkward about it!
After learning such exciting facts about the five love languages, you must be wondering what led to the invention of love languages.
To understand this, you can quickly look at the history behind these five love languages.
History behind the 5 Love Languages: The Theory of Chapman
Almost every couple faces some relationship issues after a few years of marriage. Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage and family counselor, dug deep into this and found that most couples came to him with similar complaints.
The major issues in every couple’s story are all similar. So, Chapman observed a pattern and then categorized these similar patterns into an individual type.
With this, Chapman identified five primary expectations among most couples. He called them five fundamental ways of expressing love… and these five ways of expressing love were introduced to the world as Five Love Languages.
He further discovered that love languages can help partners express feelings in a deep and meaningful way. So, Chapman turned this mind-blowing concept into a popular book named, The 5 Love Languages.
Now that we know the origin of these love languages. Let us focus on using them for our benefit.
How about a guiding chart on the same?
How to Communicate with each Love Language? (and what actions to take)
Since there are five love languages, communication and actions vary accordingly for each one of them. Here is a chart explaining the same.
|Love languages||Ways of communication||Actions|
|1. Words of Affirmation||Be an active listener. Encourage, Empathize, Praise, and Affirm. I love you, I miss you…, You look stunning!….. and so on.||Appreciate them genuinely.Send text and voice notes.Praise them often.|
|2. Quality Time||Be a patient listener. Have deep and quality one-to-one conversations.||Go on a long walk together or spend some hours on your terrace daily.|
|3. Physical Touch||Use words like: I need you here. Physical touches and intimate gestures are great ways to express love.||Give unexpected hugs and kisses. Snuggle and cuddle.|
|4. Acts of Services||Serve the everyday needs of your partner. Help your partner often. Tell them: I will do this for you. Let me help you.||Go all out and prepare a delicious breakfast for your partner, or help your partner cope with the daily workload.|
|5. Receiving Gifts||Prioritize your love life. Speak thoughtfully to your partner and pamper them with frequent tokens of love.||Give thoughtful gifts to your partner that reflect their values in life. When receiving a gift, make sure to express gratitude.|
Yes, the chart explains it all!
But if you want to know how to use these love languages effectively.
Quickly scroll to the next topic!
How to use the love languages with your loved ones?
Love is not just a feeling but also a way to communicate to the heart and soul of your partner.
It does not depend on how long you have been with someone but how loved and cherished you make them feel. And to do that efficiently, you need to know their language and how to make use of it.
So, here are some great ideas that you can use to express love to your better half, each derived from these five love languages.
1. Communicating with… Words of Affirmation
A few words of appreciation and encouragement for your partner will strengthen your bond like a magic potion. But appreciation should not always be about physical beauty.
It must also include other crucial factors such as hard work, achievements, and struggles your partner has experienced.
Something as small as “I’m so grateful to have you in my life” can go a long way… you’ve no idea the kind of impact it will have on your partner.
They will sleep with a smiling face, and wake up with the motivation to conquer the whole world.
You can also appreciate the support and love of your partner. For example, when you see your partner after long hours… you can say: Finally… my eyes were paining to see you!
You will soon pick up the habit of appreciating the beautiful personality traits of your partner.
2. Communicating with… Quality Time
Quality time should not be confused with the number of hours you spend with your loved one, because as the name suggests it is about “quality”.
So, my friend, when you lose track of time while being with your loved one, that’s when you know, you’re spending quality time
With the time fleeting fast, you just want more. I can feel you, mate.
So, remember to express your grief when you take a rain check.
Try taking out some time for the love of your life. Do not miss out on romantic eye contact. And, don’t shy away from being absolutely transparent about what you feel for your partner.
Share various experiences of your life, like your problems and achievements. Trust me, it will make up for a real quality time!
3. Communicating with… Physical Touch
The study of Love languages can never be complete without physical touch. Understand that physical touch is not all about sexual intimacy, it is also about holding hands or sitting next to your partner.
This physical touch is similar to verbally expressing your love. But instead of verbal expressions, you have to make physical expressions.
Physical touches don’t necessarily lead to sex. For example, you can simply extend your hand to caress the back of your beloved when both of you are having your dinner together.
Your honey is going to feel warm, loved, and cared for.
4. Communicating with… Acts of Service
Act of Service is a way to show love and affection towards your partner in small actions throughout the day.
It is a dominant love language among long-term couples and requires you to have genuine intentions of love and care.
When your partner returns from your workplace after having an exhausting day, give them a relieving foot massage! Trust me, this small act of service will make you fall in love with you all over again.
Similarly, you can do some small affectionate acts of service through the day, so that the one feels loved and secure in your company.
5. Communicating with… Receiving Gifts
Gifts are another way of showing love to your partner. No, this doesn’t mean you need to crash your bank to prove your love.
A little effort in gifting your loved ones with something heartfelt will sweep them off their feet.
Remember, a perfect gift need not be expensive but full of love.
That is why gifting chocolates, bouquets, and cards is not enough. Customize the gift for them. For example, if you see your partner struggling with a wired pair of earphones for long, give them a wireless pair of earbuds as a surprise.
This will make them pleasantly surprised and oh-so-loved.
So, these are the best techniques and examples of using love languages with your partner. It is on you to tailor the art now!
Now that you know how to communicate, let me give you some dating tips for each of these love languages.
Dating Each Type of Love Language
If you can use these love languages in real life, no one can stop you from mastering the art of showing love.
Suppose you date a person who has a different language than yours then, both of you would feel disconnected. Right?
While you keep texting the person with words of affirmation, your loved one wonders why you do not approach them with some personal, intimate touches.
Ugh! In such a situation, you need to first identify your partner’s love language and then reroute your emotions and expressions accordingly.
So, now let’s see what we can do to date each type of love language… and ensure that you both glow in love!
1. Dating… Words of affirmation
Healthy verbal communication is necessary, especially when your partner prefers Words of Affirmation as their love language.
Apart from the I love you(s) exchanged after every few moments, praising their presence in your life will also mean a lot to them.
Words Of Affirmation is all about acknowledging your partner, and the love that both of you share. You can start with a simple yet powerful notation of You look gorgeous/handsome! and take it to This time will remain close to my heart.
Make sure to pick your words wisely even if when you’re engaging in criticism, they have a lasting impression on your partner.
2. Dating… Quality Time
When you are dating a person who has quality time as their love language, you need to make sure that you have some hours dedicated for better half only… in the day.
It is not the duration that matters but how you spend it together.
It does not have to be a fancy dinner date always. You can casually sit with your partner and talk about life or anything that matters to both of you.
But make sure there are no distractions around. Better leave your phones behind during this time.
3. Dating… Physical Touch
Physical touch has a long history of being related to sex. But honestly, dating a person whose love language is physical touch doesn’t mean you need to start seducing your partner with intense physical touches.
Start with sweet gestures such as holding hands, a warm hug, squeezing their arms while walking, or just sitting with your head on their shoulder.
Be careful because some people, even though their love language is physical touch, do not appreciate physical contact on their first date night.
So before making any such moves, you need to confirm two things:
1. Your dating partner is comfortable being touched on that particular day.
2. Their love language is physical touch.
And, you must stop immediately if you think your partner is getting uncomfortable. Better luck next time, my friend!
4. Dating… Acts of Service
Once you know that your dating partner is an Acts of Service person, make sure to lend a helping hand to your loved ones in daily chores. Hey! That is not a lot of labor. Give it a try, at least!
Small acts of service like a back massage on tiring days or painting her toenails while she is busy working will make your partner feel emotionally secure.
Go beyond the daily chores and walk out of your comfort zone to make your loved ones’ life a little easier.
You can also ask them directly about what they need – remember all these tiny acts means the world to them.
5. Dating… Receiving Gifts
All of us, mostly, forget to garnish our gift with a personal touch. If the love language of your dating partner is Receiving Gifts, then you must give personalized gifts to your partner.
It might take some time for you to observe what your partner needs in their daily life. But, make sure the story is not just about chocolates and bouquets.
Eventually, they will not last long enough to remind your partner about you.
These people remember all the dates – from the first time you met, to the first time you both shared a kiss – so remember to mark your calendars.
On days when they are feeling lost and bothered, bring them some roses and remind them about the strength within.
However, it is you who can best understand what exactly makes your partner feel special and loved – so go ahead and make your best pick, just don’t forget to add a touch of “you” in it – that’s all that they want.
There is so much more to learn about love languages! Up next, we can explore the benefits of love languages in relationships.
Benefits of Love Languages in Relationships
Love languages are comprehended differently by everyone. It is subjective to individual perspectives.
Everyone has a separate way of expressing and receiving love… and these differences can create a lot of impact on your relationships.
However, if used wisely, understanding different love languages can benefit a relationship in many aspects.
Out of many, here are some ways love languages can help you improve your relationship.
1. You focus more on the needs of your partner than your own.
Understanding the love language of your partner will allow you to express your love more freely.
Eventually you will start putting their needs first. Remember, you can’t be selfish and in love both at the same time.
So, instead of trying to convince your partner about your love language, you must instead work to learn about theirs.
2. You learn to empathize with your partner.
You naturally empathize towards your partner as you learn about how your partner experiences love. And you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and look at love from their perspective.
In the meantime, you tend to do everything that makes your better half feel special.
More than focusing on expressing love, you are more focused on expressing in a language that your partner understands. That, my friend, is empathy!
3. It creates more intimacy between you both.
In relationships, intimacy doesn’t always imply physical touch… It is also about developing a connection on soul-level.
A little touch, a few forehead kisses, long hugs can add a lot in making your relationship happy and healthy.
When you learn about the fuel that keeps their love tanks full, it creates more understanding… which naturally deepens intimacy between the both of you.
4. It also promotes personal growth.
Love languages compel people to move out of their comfort to express love in unique ways.
They do it with sheer joy in their hearts because they are so deeply engrossed in love… this is what leads to their personal growth as well.
When you go all the way out and ditch your comfort zone for a loved one, you grow as a human. Simple!
Often, while loving the significant other, some people also learn self-love in the process. That is the biggest and the most mind-blowing achievement of all.
5. You learn to express love in “meaningful” ways
When couples are fully aware of their partner’s love language, they start communicating thoughtfully. Every step they take hand-in-hand is to make both of them feel better, loved, and desired.
They try to express every abstract feeling through words, surprise dates, or gifts.
Each is symbolic of their loving relationship and has some sentimental meaning apart from pure intentions. It gives a meaningful turn to your love life.
But that is not all. There can be several other advantages of love languages experienced by people in their relationships like deepened understanding, improved communication, and simplified expression of love.
Now, it is time to turn to the other side of the coin and see if love languages have some criticisms too.
Criticisms of Love Language Theory
Every positive thing has some negative aspects too. But let me tell you, love languages don’t have disadvantages of their own… it is more about how a person uses them.
There are some criticisms made about love languages based on incorrect usage by people. You must look at them to avoid such negative aspects of love languages.
1. Sometimes, people misuse languages.
While some couples share their love languages, some do not. But people tend to misuse love languages as a weapon against their partners… It is here that things go wrong.
You cannot compare your expression of love to your partner and then criticize them. At the same time, your partner should not force you to communicate in their love language only.
Even if you use your own love language to express things, it should be okay! As long as you show love and care towards them, everything is acceptable.
Love languages are not about how you use them but about the priceless efforts and attempts you make to make your partner feel special and loved.
2. It can create pressure on your partner.
The effort is what matters the most in a relationship… Now that we know we all have different ways of expressing love.
Sometimes, even if your partner puts in a lot of effort to live up to your expectations of love language, their performance might not be at par with you.
In such circumstances, you need to be more accepting of the situation. It is necessary to know the feelings, emotions, and sentiments.
You should not force your beloved to act the way you want. It is just going to create unnecessary pressure not only on your partner but also on your relationship.
3. They are not a fix to all the relationship problems
The theory of Chapman about five love languages is not a complete solution to all your relationship problems. It is just one tool that can help you improve your communication skills.
You need to also seek help from some self-regulation tools and various other theories to gain a 360-degree control of your relationship.
The couples might feel happy with these love language tools but research has proved that couples who learnt the accountability for their emotions were the happiest.
Remember, every 0070hase of your life will demand a different version of you. So, you need to accept those changes and act accordingly.
…and if you both want a happily-ever-after, never let anything come in between the love.
4. The model focuses ONLY on heterosexual couples
The statement is not entirely true. Yes, you may say that the original model focuses on heterosexual people, but it applies to all.
Chapman in his book “5 Love Languages” has proposed tools of love language to make your beloved feel happy, loved, and emotionally secured but has referred to only heteronormativity.
So, if you’re not one of them, it may feel a bit frustrating and excluded while reading his book. However, you must remember that the text is relevant to anyone who wants to practice them.
That made a good deal of thoughtful discussions on love language. But what is your love language?
If you still haven’t identified your love language, we will have a lot of fun with the Love Language Quiz coming up next!
Love Language Quiz
You will find five different statements under five given categories of love languages.
To find your love language, all you need to do is read the statements under each category and shortlist the ones that you relate to the most.
The statements, under the head of which you resonate the most, is your primary love language.
Now comes the tricky part! Honey.
There is a possibility that you may resonate with statements in more than one or two heads. In that case, you need to filter wisely and honestly. But, never mind, if there is a tie or a balance.
It is your life, your love, and you can always have multiple love languages rather than having just one.
So, now let’s begin!
1. Words of Affirmation.
1. You crave verbal acknowledgments. Receiving compliments and lots of appreciation makes you feel on top of the world. It gives you the confidence to walk with your chin up.
2. You like hearing I Love you from your partner again and again. You feel cherished and secure about their love for you.
3. Little details matter to you. You want your partner to notice and comment on every little change about you. Like, if you put on some weight, or you are wearing a new outfit or got a new haircut. Everything must count!
4. A daily reminder of how blessed they are to have you in their life is a must for you.
5. When you do something special for your partner, they say, Thank you – this tiny acknowledgment makes you feel appreciated and affirmed.
2. Quality Time
1. You value undivided attention and like spending quality time with your partner. You might even hang a DO NOT DISTURB board while hanging out with your significant other.
2. You believe that time is precious, and we should make every moment count. Proud of you!
3. You feel cherished when your partner is always down for hanging out with no distractions around and prioritizes you in their schedule.
4. Even if you are not doing anything, you feel happy just by their presence around you. For example, you can talk for hours on calls without exchanging a single word. You absolutely relish the company of your better half.
5. You find sharing new experiences, creating memories, and having meaningful conversations, the key to a successful relationship. Keep going!
3. Physical Touch
1. You particularly value intimacy in your relationship a lot and want your partner up-close 24*7.
2. Eye contacts, holding of hands, and kisses make you feel united and connected to your better half. It can be a feeling of physical satisfaction and security with your loved one.
3. Physical signs of affection like cuddling and a make-out session are what you think to serve as an intense emotional connector. You find comfort and warmth in the feeling that comes with physical intimacy.
4. You do not mind public displays of affection. It makes you feel sought and desired.
5. Instead of sitting side-to-side with your partner, you will instead prefer being wrapped-up in their arms… or playing with their hair… or touching their back and rubbing their legs. The closer, the better for you!
4. Acts of Service
1. You believe that actions speak louder than words. You want your beloved to show their feelings through their actions, instead of words.
2. You appreciate it when your significant other moves out of their comfort zone to make your life easier.
3. You find love in little things that your partner does for you like preparing your morning coffee or giving you a surprise day-off from the kitchen.
4. You feel cherished when your partner does something to alleviate your burden on some days when you already feel stressed out, exhausted, and drained.
5. Getting unexpected help from your darling makes you feel secure. You admire that someone is there to back you in times of crisis.
5. Receiving Gifts
1. You like being a little elementary in love. Rather than expressing yourself in words, you will prefer giving and receiving gifts that represent the bonding of your relationship.
2. It is not the monetary worth that counts for you but the meaning attached to the gift and how it represents your relationship.
3. You desire thoughtful surprise gifts from your partner. Momentos of the time spent together are very precious for you.
4. Presents on birthdays and anniversaries are a must for you. You want to mark these days with objects that remind you of your commitment.
5. The act of receiving a gift reminds you that you are cared for and cherished. You don’t need big cars or jewelry, even a flower creates an equal impact.
So, that was the end of it.
Was it not a creamy task to recognize your love language(s)? Well, even if it was not, the final guide will make it super easy for you. Let’s understand how.
How to find your love language?
It is not as difficult to understand your love language(s). You just have to be more sensitive towards how you feel when your partner does something special for you or what you expect your partner to do.
If you’re still confused, here is the step-by-step guide to help you do that.
Step 1: Pick your statements that you resonate with
To find your love language, you need to take the Love Language quiz given above and shortlist the statements that match your choice.
For example, you chose all the statements of Receiving Gifts and a few statements from Physical Touch and Quality Time.
Step 2: Filter the categories
Once you have shortlisted the matching statements of your choice, filter the love language categories.
For example, you have chosen five statements from Receiving Gifts, two from Physical Touch, and one from Quality Time. Then, these are your three categories.
Step 3: Eliminate the lower-populated categories
Now, figure out which one is more precious and filter the categories depending on the number of statements you’ve chosen from each category
In this case, since you had just one statement from Quality Time and two from Physical Touch, you may exclude them.
Step 4: You’ve found your love language!
In the end, you’ll be left with one or maximum two categories. They are your love language(s). In this example, it will be Receiving Gifts.
Your love language might not be the same as that of your partner. Both of you must understand each other’s languages and act accordingly. It will strengthen and improve your relationship.
You have to communicate and convey your heartfelt emotions so that your partner understands you better. You cannot expect them to know everything on their own.
Mismatched expectations can lead to ugly arguments, so better be prompt about what you want from your partners.
Next, since you have already discovered your love language, let us see how to talk to your partner about it.
How to talk to your partner about love languages?
Talking to your partner about your love language is not difficult. All you need is faith in your love and your spouse or beloved.
These three simple tips enlisted below will make it even easier for you.
1. Talk about things that you love.
If your partner does not understand your love language, do not lose your calm, instead, try to communicate this to your partner.
So for example, your love language is Acts of Service, you can start with something like, I wish you served me breakfast on weekends
….and convey it in a comic or humorous tone, not a complaining one. Notice how your sweetheart reacts to this.
When you are in love, you can make each other happy without entertaining any sort of disputes and misunderstandings. Do not hide your likings and expectations from your partner.
At the same time, it is even more important to appreciate whatever your better half does for you.
2. Be direct in your approach.
Let’s admit it: If you twist your words and a wrong message is communicated, it may do you both more harm than good.
Plus, what’s the whole point of doing it when you know exactly what you want?
Trust your partner and be direct about your expectations. What do you fear? Come on! Be honest.
But of course, this doesn’t give you the leisure to be dismissive about your partner’s love language.
So, if you are from the “Quality Time” crew, you can be like: I love when you make my birthdays so special. You know what, I would feel so much better if you can spare some quality time with me, even weekly would suffice.
Even if your partner gets annoyed at this, you can calm them down and explain your urges in some other way.
However, let me be brutally honest here: You must be making constant efforts to make your partner understand what you want.
If they respond rudely every DAMN time – then probably it is not the love language but the love that needs repair.
3. Keep space for adjustments
It may happen that at times your beloved does not live up to your expectations and feels sorry about it. Then you need to be prepared to make changes as well.
Love and relationships take time to grow. Probably this time, you need to extend your hand a little longer and support your partner.
Accept them with open arms rather than focusing on your empty expectations.
Trust me. Things are going to change and improve with time.
So, these are some ways in which you can initiate a “love language” conversation with your partner.
But, hey did you know that food had a chance to be the sixth love language? And why not…
Is food the sixth Love Language?
According to Gary Chapman, there were five kinds of love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service. These factors lead to the healthy growth of relationships and intimacy.
The fact is that not everyone shares the same love language.
For example, one might like the idea of gifts, kisses, and hugs but, the other might feel the love in the acts of service and this may leave you in despair sometime.
We already know the five love languages, but did you know there could be one more that binds us all? There is: FOOD!
Wanis says the act of preparing and serving food for your partner is equivalent to nurturing and nourishing the relationship you share with them.
1. Cooking food with so much love and care for your partner makes it extraordinary. The joy that your partner will feel after consuming it will multiply your pleasure. It shows how food can be a distinctive language.
2. Food deepens the bond between romantic partners. While receiving affection and care, it engages all kinds of senses and, in a way, arouses you. It often leads you to have physical intimacy.
3. Food can be the international language of love. Right from the birth of a child, food becomes a sign of expressing love when the mother breastfeeds her child. It leads to the release of oxytocin and induces the feeling of true love.
However, some people argue that food automatically falls under a few existing love languages, which is why it cannot be identified as a sixth love language.
Whether or not you accept food as a separate and sixth love language, you have to accredit it as a mind-blowing way to express the intimate act of love.
After all, who does not like to gobble the food prepared with-love by your partner?
Now that you know all about love languages, here are some book suggestions to help you explore them even further.
Love Language Books
If you’ve come with me till here, I’m guessing, you enjoyed reading about love languages. So, if you want to continue with the reading, here are a few suggestions.
1. Gary Chapman, the father himself, has described this concept in detail in his book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts. It went on to become a bestseller in the New York Times.
2. The book, The Five Love Languages Gift Edition, was written for gifting purposes. Many people took the opportunity to give this book to the newlyweds.
3. The Five Love Languages Of Appreciation is complete magic created by Paul White and Gary Chapman. The authors show an impeccable and flawless talent in explaining love languages at the workplace.
4. Teens, Teen Guide, 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Paige Drygas targets the teenage section of society. It introduces the teens to the Five Love languages to perceive them. The language will prevent the teens from feeling bored.
5. There are also a couple of other famous books like 5 Keys For A Successful Relationship, Health Benefits Of Hugging, and so on. You can read one or all of the books from the series. After all, it is a pure delight to read about love!
All that said and done.
If you still have some questions about love languages, keep reading to find all the answers.
FAQs about Love Languages
If you’ve got queries, it’s best to get them answered right now instead of building on the doubts.
For example, if you are not sure about how to know your partner’s love language, or whether love languages can change with the course of time, these FAQs have all the answers for you!
In the Love Language quiz survey of 2010, Chapman found that Words Of Affirmation was the love language with immense popularity.
But later in 2018, a dating app, Hinge, carried out a similar quiz. The analysis of the results said that Quality Time is the most frequent one.
In other words, the conclusion is that the most popular love language will always be the one that is easy to adapt to and apply in our day-to-day life.
Love languages also depend on the values of the individual. Not just value but also gender and the society in which they live.
For example, public display of affection is a major taboo in South Asian countries but the same is acceptable for North-Western countries.
It is not compulsory to use these love languages with your better half. You can also use it to build a stronger bond with your colleagues, kids, friends, and family members.
For example, let us assume a junior employee had a bad day in the office. If you can make the slightest effort to appreciate their contribution to the organization, it might boost their confidence. The person will instantly feel better and positive.
According to Chapman, these love languages might not solve every complication in marriage. But it will address the basic sentimental needs every couple has.
In a nutshell, I believe love languages are valuable for all types of relationships. They help us improve our way of communication with our loved ones/
The easiest way to know the love language of your better half is to ask directly.
Or, carefully observe their everyday life if you cannot ask directly. Note every single detail. Like, how they react to issues, or is there something that annoys them?
If they always try to pamper you with words of affirmation, that may be because it is their primary love language. Take note of their daily behavior and criticisms. You must also notice their daily complaints, likes, dislikes.
…and if you’re mindful, you’ll be able to easily identify their love language.
Once you know their love language, you can deal with their emotions accordingly. Find issues you both face in your relationship and solve them mutually. Your solutions will now be a lot more impactful because of your better understanding of each other.
But it is always a two-way street.
So, both of you are required to invest equal effort and pay equal attention to each other’s needs.
Lack of communication is just going to widen the gap between both of you, leading to further complications.
You might not agree with all the habits of your partner. Be vocal about it. According to experts, this feeling could be nothing but a reaction to your past trauma. You need not feel ashamed or embarrassed.
Understand that Love languages are more about how we want to receive love, not necessarily about giving love.
A person might have suffered from abuse or assault in the past. The bitter experience leads to the development of post-traumatic disorder which triggers unpleasant feelings when faced with a similar situation.
There could be another reason why such uncomfortable situations arise like your family background or culture.
Often, we grow up in families where moral ethics do not allow any affectionate physical relationships. Eventually, you feel guilty about having a physical relationship with your partner (if you’ve one). This is extremely natural and is triggered by your upbringing.
Dr. William. H. Masters, an American gynecologist, established a theory of Sensate Focus. It is a three-step process that helps you get rid of the awkwardness and successfully build a sexual relationship with your partner.
Love languages do not remain static. So, if you ask whether it changes, then YES, it does.
With the passing years in a relationship, the language changes. Your physical, as well as, mental state do not remain constant. The excitement and the eagerness tame down as you grow older. It is always a matter of time.
For example, a person aging 25 to 35 might have Physical Touch as their love language. The love language can change to Receiving Gifts when they age 35 to 45. By the time they hit their 50s, the love language can again change to Quality Time. And so on.
Also, a precious aspect of life is that love languages can sometimes change with the needs and desires.
Dr. William advises her clients to communicate about what they need. We often want our partners to understand things like a mind-reader, but that is not how it works. You have to make a conversation rather than being hopeful… and then frustrated when the expectations are not met.
Yes, you can resonate with more than one love language. It always depends on the situation and your mood. Sometimes, you may want someone to listen to you while sometimes you crave to cuddle. That is normal.
It is all about how you feel or what you want.
For example, I find all the love languages so convincing! I would personally prefer to experience each of them when I’m in the mood to do so.
Understanding your partner’s love language makes you and your beloved happy and satisfied in domestic ways. It helps deepen the connection, improves communication, and develops intimacy in a relationship.
The theory of love language also helps couples to express their feelings in an appropriate manner.
As you grow old together, each of you develop different priorities and don’t spend enough time with each other… often leading to communication gaps and mismatched expectations.
Love languages can help you fix that.
You just need to listen to your partner and also be welcoming towards their love language.
Children grow up in different situations and backgrounds. When a child enters adulthood, the lack and abundance of something in their childhood plays a significant role in crafting their personality.
The love language of someone relates to things that they’ve been kept in dearth of in their growing years.
For example, a child craves Words of Affirmation if their childhood was full of dismissal and curses. For a child, who did not receive presents and gifts in their forming years, it becomes natural to have Receiving Gifts as their love language.
Love languages give a deeper insight into a person’s underlying desires and expectations.
Chapman’s theory on the five love languages faced criticism from a scientific article named the Empirical Validity Of Love Languages in 2006.
The implications of Chapman’s theory did not fit into the larger behavioral category while also being distinct from one another.
After more efforts, the research said that the study of love languages did not create any significant impact on the couples who worked to align their behaviors depending on it.
…and so, most of the claims made by Chapman haven’t been supported due to a lack of scientific backing.
Over to you…
Your love languages should be a part of your relationship journey, not your only goal.
If you understand what I mean by saying this, you know it all now!
Remember, love languages can help you bring positive changes in your relationship only if you make the effort.
There’s no replacement for effort… and your partner’s love, no matter how they express it.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...