Wondering what relationship chemistry is? Curious if you have chemistry in your relationship? Or, do you plan to build a healthy love life without chemistry?
Well, whatever your reasons might be, this think-piece is an all-in-one guidebook about relationship chemistry. Whether you want to understand the basics of chemistry, build it from scratch, or rekindle it in your relationship… you’ll get all the answers here.
So, don’t wait any longer and head in…
What is Relationship Chemistry?
When the spark between two partners doesn’t fade away with time, this feeling or rapport is called chemistry in relationship or relationship chemistry.
Relationship chemistry defines the natural spark you have with someone which never dims with time. Some experts also refer to relationship chemistry as a chemical connection.
You can say a couple that still feels warm and fuzzy or butterflies in the stomach when they see each other in their long-term relationship, that’s good chemistry in a relationship.
Usually, this feeling aka limerence or infatuation is normal in the initial stages of a relationship or particularly in the honeymoon phase. But don’t confuse chemistry with limerence as limerence fades away but chemistry can still stay.
Many people assume chemistry is just a physical or sexual bond, but it also has an emotional connection. Most people also don’t know the difference between chemistry and compatibility.
So, if you’re curious about that, let’s dig in deeper…
Relationship Chemistry vs Relationship Compatibility
Relationship chemistry mainly includes your emotional connection and yearning for each other. Relationship compatibility defines your common morals, values, goals, demography, and beliefs.
Both chemistry and compatibility are equally important in relationships but they’re not always present equally in all relationships.
If people feel good compatibility alone, they may not have great chemistry… and if people feel chemistry only, they might not be able to sustain long-term relationships.
Relationship chemistry between two people is much deeper than relationship compatibility as it’s like the feeling of falling in love. This deep bond includes having similar feelings when you’re together, thinking about each other almost always, and a deep desire to be close and spend time together.
Relationship compatibility refers to your common goals in life, morals, and values in life. If you and your partner have common future goals, fitness, and health goals, you both have the same religious beliefs or have the same interests, you guys are compatible. Compatibility also includes age, race, and accomplishments.
But hey, relationship chemistry isn’t that simple, so let’s figure out the types…
Types of Relationship Chemistry
There can be different types of chemistry between people, so if you wanna know “what does it mean to have chemistry with someone”, you must make sure which one you’re actually talking about. So, let’s find out here…
1. Physical attraction
This refers to the feelings of falling in love at first sight. It’s when you feel interested and attracted to someone’s appearance.
It’s said that falling in love with looks is too superficial, but human beings get attracted to beauty unconsciously.
So, it’s completely natural and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, when you fall in love, you don’t recognize that it’s because you’re physically attracted to them.
Don’t confuse physical chemistry relationship with lust. It’s okay to be attracted to someone’s aesthetics and pursue them unconsciously… but it’s not alright to jump into a sexual relationship too fast. Take time to understand your feelings.
At some point, the physical attraction will wear off and the relationship might become void, so wait.
2. Emotional connection
In this chemistry, your emotions about different topics match. It becomes easier to know each other because of the similarities in your thoughts, feelings, and communication styles. When you share an emotional connection with someone, you feel you can do anything for them.
You can feel an emotional connection in non-romantic relationships too like with families and friends.
When people feel an extremely deep connection, they’re ready to do anything for each other. However, don’t let your emotions take the better of you. Don’t do anything that might harm you later
This kind of chemistry is an unhealthy form of emotional chemistry. In co-dependency, a person depends on the other for emotional needs. They can’t function until the other person validates them. Otherwise, they feel they’re inadequate and lose self-esteem.
In co-dependency, you hurt yourself by violating your own boundaries. This one might trouble you if you don’t pay attention to yourself.
If you’re co-dependent or have lots of co-dependent relationships, you must seek a counselor or therapist ASAP. You must try to be emotionally independent.
4. Personal growth
If you were ever in a stagnant relationship and feel stuck, you might have this type of chemistry. In romantic relationships, you want to grow together as human beings and broaden your horizons.
When you can’t do that, it feels frustrating. So, when you find a romantic partner that helps you grow, is willing to grow with you and doesn’t try to hide their flaws, you feel this is it.
You both help each other with constructive criticism to become greater human beings that can help society.
Make sure you don’t stay in a relationship just for personal growth. Your relationship must have other aspects to it like love, lust, fun, and other playful parts. Romantic partners that only discuss serious matters might soon get bored of each other.
5. Intellectual connection
In this type of chemistry, people thrive on their intellectual thoughts. They tease each other’s minds with inspiration and debates. This is common among artists, entrepreneurs, and sapiophiles.
Both people feel extremely excited to find each other because they hardly come across people with such intellect. Your shared curiosity keeps you interested in it. You might even spend hours talking about your favorite topics.
Intellectual chemistry doesn’t only happen in romance… but two people with this chemistry may fall in love. Since there’s a 50-50 chance, don’t expect too much from the other person.
6. Past-life connection
In this sort of chemistry, you feel you have a connection or karmic relationship for multiple lives or that you were soulmates in your past life.
You feel you promised each other to meet again and complete your romantic journey or reach your goals together in another lifetime. You might feel that you’re indebted to each other and must stick together to clear off the debts.
Sometimes, partners don’t leave each other even when the relationship becomes toxic or abusive. They feel that it’s compulsory to stick together and feel afraid of the unknown if they break the promise.
You must remember that nothing will go wrong if you walk out of an unhealthy relationship because the universe doesn’t want you to suffer in an unhealthy environment. Cherish yourself more than a promise of past life.
7. Spiritual connection
In spiritual chemistry, two people may or may not fall in love with each other. They unite for the sake of the world’s betterment.
They believe if they stay together, they can make a healthier world and work for the greater good together. It happens when you have a common belief system.
Nothing to look out for here. Just make sure you don’t sacrifice your happiness while focusing on the world.
8. Shared purpose
In this form of chemistry, you both stay in a relationship because of a common purpose, mission, or goals in life. Since you both are on the same page, the rapport builds extremely fast.
You can relate to each other’s hardships and feel this unexplainable connection through your pain. You both can also motivate each other which strengthens your bond and helps you actualize your dreams together.
Make sure you don’t get so invested in motivating your partner that you forget about your own goals. Or, this connection might eventually fade away.
9. Sexual Chemistry
This is the most common chemistry type known to people. It’s when you feel a connection of lust with someone. You can’t resist them and get attracted to them whether you have a healthy relationship or not.
Sometimes, sexual chemistry stretched out the lifetime of relationships that can never work out. So, it’s not just troublesome, but it also wastes your time.
Make sure you don’t get too immersed in this kind of chemistry early in the relationship. Don’t let your hormones control you and snap out of those fantasies if you want to have healthy relationships. If you can’t, speak to relationship experts.
10. Creative Chemistry
This sort of chemistry is vivid in work buddies, business partners, or assignment partners who totally get each other and their thoughts.
They have this amazing connection that they can complete each other’s thoughts and share a vision about their projects.
No issue in this chemistry. However, this chemistry isn’t related to any sort of romance, so it’s better to not expect more than being work spouses.
11. Courting the muse
This sort of chemistry is quite similar to creative chemistry where two people with the same ideas bond. They click with their artistic or creative sides.
They are each other’s muse for inspiration and they have this urge to keep their muse closest to themselves and monopolize them. For that, this chemistry feels quite intense initially.
However, partners lack actual compatibility and/or chemistry which leads to the doom of the bond.
If you feel you have this sort of chemistry where you have an on-and-off relationship, messy fights, and you guys stay together only for inspiration, consider separating or seeking a relationship expert.
12. Friendship chemistry
As the name suggests, you share this sort of chemistry with your friends. You share similar interests, age, race, and political views along with emotional and intellectual chemistry. You feel someone is impressive and want to be similar to them. There’s mutual respect and admiration in this.
Friendship chemistry can change into romantic chemistry later on but there’s no guarantee. So, you mustn’t expect anything from it or it might ruin your bond.
13. Romantic chemistry
Romantic chemistry might house multiple other types of chemistry like sexual, emotional, and physical.
So, what causes romantic chemistry? It might begin with romantic dates and dreams about a future together. Long story short: You plan a long-term relationship in this one.
Keep the tips of physical, sexual, and emotional chemistry in mind. Make sure you don’t become co-dependent either.
Wondering if you have chemistry with your crush?
Signs of Strong relationship Chemistry
Before you step into a relationship it’s important to check for your relationship chemistry. You can figure out whether you guys can work it out later or not.
However, you can also figure out if you have chemistry with the following signs…
1. You can make eye contact comfortably
If you feel that maintaining eye contact with them is the most natural and obvious thing to do and don’t feel an ounce of discomfort, that’s a great sign of chemistry.
Usually, if you make eye contact with someone you’re not close to or interested in, it feels extremely wrong and uncomfortable. But when eye contact and comfort come together, it shows you’re pretty interested in them.
If they don’t look away when you look at them, you guys knowingly or unknowingly desire to build intimacy.
2. You’re not afraid of being yourself
If you both let down your guards around each other and act like your usual selves, you guys don’t fear that the other one will judge you for not being you.
This is another sign of high-quality chemistry. It shows you both accept each other as you are and don’t expect to change yourselves for anything. This is a great foundation for a long-term relationship.
3. You feel a spark from their touch
When their hands accidentally graze yours, if you feel a rush of excitement in your veins, that’s another great sign of good romantic chemistry. It shows that your body already agrees with theirs.
Or, whenever they touch you playfully, you feel shy and blush and can’t stop but laugh and smile. This shows that you enjoy this physical contact like it’s the most natural thing.
4. You’re always smiling when you’re together
If you always feel happy or are all smiles and laughter around each other even without any jokes or tickles, that’s another green signal of fabulous chemistry in your relationship.
You have inner jokes that you don’t tell others. You enjoy each other’s company despite the time or place. All of this is a great kickstart to a successful relationship.
5. They’re your friend
If you’re still not officially together and they’re just your potential partner, notice how you label your relationship. If you consider each other your friends, that’s great!
Don’t worry about getting friend-zoned because the healthiest and strongest romantic relationships begin with friendship.
You’ll notice that despite calling each other friends, you’ll feel most comfortable and want to spend the most time with each other instead of any other friend.
6. You never get enough of each other
Whenever you’re together you feel you never have enough time to share everything you want to talk about. You feel it’s unfair that time slips by so fast when you’re together.
If at the end of the day, you wish that the day was longer, that’s another surefire sign of amazing chemistry. You have lots in common and your connection is so healthy that you can’t help but crave each other more and more.
7. You always notice each other’s feelings
Even when others don’t notice the minute issues in your life, you notice each other. For instance, in group settings, when others cut you off while you’re talking, only they ask you to continue. Or, when they feel hurt by a loved one’s rude comments, you know they’re not okay.
If you guys understand each other more than anyone else, that’s a remarkable sign of chemistry.
8. You learn to be your best version together
Another noticeable sign of pure chemistry is when you both motivate each other to become better people in all fields of your life.
Whenever one of you fall down, the other is always there to push them towards their goal. You guys don’t leave each other to fend for yourselves and wait for each other to get back on track.
9. You have open body language around them
When you spend time together, notice how you communicate with your body.
If you always face them when you spend time together, keep your arms uncrossed… if you feel comfortable touching them or want to break the touch barrier… all of these points out that your physical chemistry is good.
10. You forget the world when you’re together
When you guys are together, if you forget to check the time or your surroundings and even keep your phone on silent, that’s a sign of healthy chemistry. You will devote your undivided attention to them.
Without chemistry, you might frequently check your phone and feel quite distracted and worry about getting home on time.
11. They take up a lot of space in your mind
When you’re apart, if you think a lot about them… whether when you’re idle or busy… that’s another awesome sign of chemistry. With each passing day, you’ll be more absorbed in their thoughts.
You’ll think about what they’re doing when you’re away from each other, whether they miss you as much when you’ll get to meet them again, or whether it’s a good idea to text them in between.
12. Spending time silently doesn’t feel uncomfortable
When you don’t have chemistry with someone, spending time with them feels boring and burdensome. You just want to run away and get back to your safe haven.
But if you have chemistry with someone, you’ll feel comfortable even when you spend time in silence. It doesn’t feel awkward and instead, you feel like it’s home. With this kind of chemistry, true love can soon bloom.
13. There’s mutual respect for boundaries
A person with whom you have good chemistry won’t ever push you to do anything against your wishes. They’ll respect all of your boundaries.
Whether you’re not ready for a sexual relationship, can’t stay back longer than your curfew, don’t feel like answering something, or anything else… they won’t mind it at all.
Instead, they’ll tell you that it’s okay to refuse and rather try hard to make you feel accepted the way you are.
14. You anticipate physical contact
Another good indicator of relationship chemistry is when you want to be touched by them. You want to stay close to them and hope that your hands will accidentally brush each other.
This is because you feel good when they touch you, i.e., dopamine and oxytocin start playing their game in your bloodstream. So, you crave physical proximity in the relationship.
15. You feel extremely loved in your sex life
If you’re sexually involved with this partner, notice how you feel. Sex without deep feelings though satisfies your carnal urges never feels wholesome.
So, if you feel loved and cherished after sex, if they cuddle and provide you with aftercare, that’s a good sign of mutual chemistry in the relationship.
Did you find no chemistry in a relationship? Don’t jump to conclusions and let’s check here…
Signs of weak relationship chemistry
In your relationship or connection with your crush, if hardly any of the signs matched, then it might concern you. So, if you’re worried about having poor chemistry between you guys, tally with these…
1. You don’t desire affection from them.
2. You don’t wish to be affectionate towards them.
3. You feel emotionally distant from them.
4. You don’t try to bond emotionally from scratch.
5. You don’t wish to share anything about your personal life.
6. You don’t feel interested in their life.
7. With each day, you spend less and less time with each other.
8. You don’t feel hurt when you guys avoid each other.
9. You both feel romantically and sexually attracted to others.
10. You both avoid any form of intimacy in the relationship.
Didn’t find much in common and don’t think it is important? Decide after you go through this…
How important is chemistry in a relationship?
Relationship chemistry, though not compulsory for all, is an important part to keep your bond strong and interesting till the end. Let’s find out its importance and why you mustn’t skip it…
1. You trust and commit to each other with chemistry
Good chemistry in the relationship is an early sign of a long-lasting commitment and faith in the bond. Chemistry is similar to infatuation aka limerence or falling head over heels for each other. This helps you grow your relationship with commitment and trust.
2. The relationship never feels bland when there’s chemistry
With healthy chemistry, the relationship stays fresh, interesting, and intriguing in the long run due to the unbreakable emotional connection. The spark keeps the two people in love longer even when life becomes boring.
3. Relationship chemistry helps in open communication
If you have chemistry in your connection, you can comfortably communicate about whatever is on your mind. This will help you work out most issues in the relationship. You feel you and your partner are always on the same page.
4. Lack of chemistry kills the relationship beyond the honeymoon phase
Without chemistry in your relationship, you might soon feel bored. This hits extremely hard when the sweet early stage of the relationship (honeymoon phase) passes. You won’t be able to bear each other and might soon break up because you’ll only highlight each other’s shortcomings.
5. With chemistry, your relationship stays healthy and fun in the long run
You find happiness in the simplest things like daily chores. You grow closer and feel appreciated when you work together in your daily life. You’ll naturally have fun as you look forward to completing your tasks for the day together.
In the long run, even when life becomes boring, you never get tired because your relationship becomes the source of all happiness.
So, if you’re ready to cultivate the spark, let’s hop in…
How to build chemistry in a relationship?
If there was no chemistry in your relationship from the beginning and you want to create it from scratch, that’s a great initiative! Follow this kind of routine, give it some time, and it’ll eventually work out…
1. Plan sex dates
You might think scheduling sex kills the charm. However, you’ll change your mind after you try it once. Because sex dates build anticipation and excitement.
Moreover, you can prepare for more bedroom games beforehand when you know the moment. Tease each other with dirty texts and send nudes like tid-bits the whole day to build anticipation even more.
2. Get steamy beyond the bedroom
Nobody asked you to have sex only on your bed. Get a bit freaky and try out every surface in your home. You can even make out in a dark corner of a theater or in your car in the parking lot.
If you dare, even more, have sex on a cruise or join the mile-high club. Some other suggestions are the alley or the shopping mall changing room… but make sure you’re careful as these are illegal.
3. Create new shared experiences
Try out thrilling activities together that neither of you ever tried.
Choose the ones that make your heart race like skydiving, bungee jumping, paragliding, and anything that might give you both an adrenaline rush.
The adrenaline rush mimics the feelings of falling in love. So, you’ll feel the butterflies in your stomach this way.
4. Indulge in eye contact
No, don’t stare into each other’s eyes for hours… instead, make subtle and playful eye contact. Lock your gaze, lick your lips, touch them, look away and act normal.
Some other small flirty hints are twirling your hair if you’re a girl or pulling your hair lightly if you’re a boy, biting your lips, having some food seductively, and can experiment with the rest.
If done right, this is a great way to build chemistry and connection. Make sure you do this repeatedly with some time gaps to tease them until they can’t handle it.
5. Spend time apart
When you don’t see each other as much, your heart will eventually grow fonder of each other. Invest time in your individual interests and recharge yourself mindfully and meaningfully.
Meanwhile, you both will yearn for each other while you’re away. When you return, you’ll feel closer than ever together.
But did you lose chemistry somewhere along the way? Then consider this…
How to get chemistry back in a relationship?
If you guys had good relationship chemistry at some point but it faded away with time, the previous strategy can’t help you. You must put more effort to rekindle the spark. Try some of these below-listed ways.
1. Plan dates based on common interests
Since the chemistry in the relationship is long gone, you guys might not like to spend time. You might feel annoyed or run out of patience pretty soon.
So, start doing something that you guys always liked. I can’t give a definite idea about this one as it’ll vary based on personal preference.
However, don’t forget to talk to your partner to know if they still like those dates. Don’t be shocked if they don’t like the ideas anymore as change is inevitable.
2. Take out time to show affection
Dedicate time for affectionate moments in your relationship. If you’re a married couple or an adult couple that lives together, your best bet might be after dinner in your bedroom or on the couch.
Talk to each other and keep away any digital distractions. Make sure you don’t skip this routine unless you have an emergency like excess work, studies, or sickness.
On the other hand, if you guys don’t live together, you can have your time on dates or on the phone after you’re both done for the day.
3. Indulge in physical contact
If you guys live together, include affectionate physical contact in the routine. Pamper each other with massages, hair brushing, feather your fingers across their body when you sleep together, cuddle, give goodnight kisses, and so on.
If you guys live apart, make the best out of your time during dates. Hold hands, give side hugs, kiss the back of their hands, and rest your head on their shoulder if you’re not too keen on PDA.
However, if PDA is fine with you guys, you can go as far as you like so long as it isn’t inappropriate or violates any laws.
4. Take vacations
Relax in an unknown atmosphere together to get rid of the all-day-bored feeling. A new place will refresh your mind and help you feel interested in your surroundings and each other.
You can book tickets for a vacation if you have ample time. But if you don’t book a staycation on the weekends, order food to your room, and enjoy your time together to relax or get naughty in a new ambiance.
5. Try out things that attracts you
This one will always work to bring back relationship chemistry. Remember the time when you first met and write down everything that got you so close to each other. When you spend time together, bring back the old times. Include your partner in this plan because they also need to do their part.
Some juicy ideas are recreating your first date, first kiss, or first makeout sesh.
6. Check in properly
Have one or two check-ins every month to know how you guys feel about your current situation. Know if you feel a bit happier and excited about each other or if you feel as distant from each other as ever.
Choose a day when you both won’t be busy. Make sure neither of you feels hungry during the check-in. Or, you can have a check-in date where you can talk while enjoying your food instead of feeling interrogated in a serious atmosphere.
However, if you guys face any sudden emotional circumstances, reschedule to when you guys feel better… always prioritize your feelings to build chemistry.
7. Go for sex therapy
If the relationship chemistry declined because of your issues in sex life and you can’t resolve it on your own, don’t waste time and seek a sex therapist to sort out the problems.
If your sexual issues are especially connected with mental trauma, you can figure it out with them. On the other hand, if your libido and natural lubrication are low because of your medications, they can point it out and help you find a better alternative with your regular healthcare provider.
8. Try out couples counseling
Couples counseling can help you if you think the issues stem from any non-sexual part of your relationship.
It can work if you have communication issues in your relationship, despite what or how much you do for each other, you don’t feel cherished, or you guys have the same fights repeatedly.
If either of you has any hidden mental health issues, a couples’ counselor can also identify that and help you get over them.
9. Talk to your loved ones
Your trusted loved ones might help you notice the brighter side of the situation. They might even highlight an issue that you overlooked. Or, if the issue is with your partner, they can figure that out better.
Since they’re not involved in the emotional ups and downs of your relationship, they can give you logical solutions with a straight mind.
10. Seek an online support community
If you don’t have anyone to rely on around you, it’s okay! Don’t break down because you can always look up online support groups for people with declining relationship chemistry. Learn about their experiences and how they fixed their relationship troubles. Apply their ideas and check.
Do you have more doubts about building relationship chemistry? Let’s head in here…
Though you understand what is chemistry in a relationship and how to build it, that’s probably not enough to clear all of your doubts. So, here I am with the common questions that might and do pop into your mind…
This completely depends on the couple.
For some couples, chemistry might fade away along with the limerence right after the honeymoon phase. For others, chemistry can stay even beyond the honeymoon phase for over decades but not seem as intense as before.
If you ever saw a couple in their 50s that still complete each other’s sentences and help each other out without even uttering a word, that’s chemistry!
According to some experts, you might either have or not have chemistry in your relationship. You can’t create it forcibly. Though this is true in some relationships, not all. You can’t forcibly create chemistry but you can if you both want to.
Since chemistry is something as simple as comfortably communicating about everything, you can work on the lack of chemistry easily with practice. Talk about varied topics beyond your relationship and mundane relationship topics to work on them.
Though important, chemistry doesn’t always make a strong relationship because the emotional connection might fade away at some point. When the lack of compatibility becomes evident in your relationship, the chemistry won’t stand a chance. The lack of similar values won’t even help you thrive.
Instead, if your partner mistreats you because of the differences due to a lack of compatibility, you’ll be in an unhealthy relationship… even if you have that emotional connection.
Moreover, if the chemistry is clearly sexual, you might get back with an undeserving douchebag mistaking your lust for love. You may delay your goodbyes in an unhealthy relationship because that stands only with chemistry.
You can create chemistry in your relationship where you share a strong bond between friends, classmates, coworkers, or even neighbors. You can gradually get closer once you start having feelings. You might have romantic and sexual feelings over time and create a healthy relationship.
However, if you feel uncomfortable or repulsed by someone or vice versa, you have a very low chances of creating chemistry.
On the other hand, if you’re uncertain about your feelings, you can give it a shot.
Chemistry is actually a projection of both of your personality traits that overlap. In reality, chemistry doesn’t change, love does! You either grow to love each other more and try to build chemistry or your love fades away and you don’t care about the chemistry.
There are ways to build chemistry but that can work only if you both still love each other as much.
However, limerence or infatuation does fade away with time which diminishes the effect of chemistry. So, you must try to prevent the chemistry from fading with clear communication and respect.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
You need time and effort to build relationship chemistry… but other than that, you also need two hearts that are extremely fond of each other.
That’s why, with clear communication, find out what each of you wants and whether you’re on the same page.
On the other hand, if you guys mutually don’t feel the necessity of chemistry in your relationship and want to focus more on compatibility, that can also work out.
At the end of the day, if you both are happy… thar’s all that matters!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...