Curious about lithromantic? Do you have crushes like everyone else? Do you hate it when your crushes reciprocate your feelings? Did they accuse you of leading them on? Are you wondering what’s up with your feelings?
Then you reached just the right place to find your answers! This think piece has every answer about your quest for romantic orientation.
Even if people judge you for your romantic feelings or call you fickle… there might be a deeper reason. If you believe you don’t play them, then that’s the truth.
Don’t bend to others’ stereotypes or accusations.
To accept yourself as you are, let’s clear all the confusion here…
Someone that has crushes and feels romantically attracted, or even flirts with others but loses interest when the other person reciprocates their feelings is a lithromantic.
A lithromantic individual has crushes, experiences romantic attraction, and even flirts with their romantic interests… but they lose interest when their interest reciprocates their feelings.
Basically, lithromantics don’t want romantic relationships, even if they have romantic feelings. The idea of unrequited feelings is more appealing to them.
Many confuse the romantic and sexual orientation. So, it’s better to clear that a lithromantic individual’s feelings don’t impact their sexual feelings, sexual attraction, or sexual orientation.
So, despite your sexuality, you can still be a lithromantic.
It is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum.
However, they’re not on the aromantic scale because they can’t feel romantic attraction like aromantics. Rather, it’s because they don’t want their feelings to be reciprocated.
Some people fall in love with fictional characters or fantasize about having romantic relationships. Because they don’t want one in real life.
Wondering when this term came to witness daylight? Well, let’s find out here….
The term lithromantic implies someone with romantic feelings like that of a stone. Though controversial, this term was coined in 2016, but Tumblr user stopanthropomorphizingme (Ian).
If you split the term lithromantic, it has the Greek word “lithos” (meaning: stone) and romantic. The logic is that these people are as romantic as a piece of stone.
In 2016, Tumblr user stopanthropomorphizingme (Ian) coined this term. “Ian” also identifies as “stone”.
But there are some controversies about this term’s existence. Many claim that this term was around even before the internet came around. However, there’s no evidence to back it.
Wondering how this term gained popularity over time? Let’s know everything from here…
How did Lithromantic spread?
Lithromantic became popular as akoiromantic and apromantic to clear confusion in the lesbian communities. However, many also wanted to change their orientation. Their forum questions pushed this term to popularity. It’s opposite is cupioromantic.
Currently, lithromantic is also popular as apromantic or akoiromantic.
Earlier, people appealed that the term lithromantic was more suitable for lesbian culture. It’s a reference to the “stone” sexual identity for “butch” lesbians.
That’s when akoiromantic and lithromantic started being synonymous.
The opposite of lithromanticism is called cupioromanticism. It’s when folks can’t feel romantic attraction (aromantic), yet long for romantic relationships.
Many people also posted questions on online forums like “how to overcome lithromantic orientation?” These discussions eventually led to popularity.
Curious if you’re a part of this community? Let’s check from these…
Whether you’re a lithromantic or not revolves around your feelings when someone else reciprocates your romantic attraction. If you like the reciprocity of the situation, you’re far from lithromantic. However, if you run for the hills when they reciprocate, that’s your cue.
But, sometimes you can’t figure it out easily because you have a lot on your plate. So, let’s match it from this list…
1. You aren’t ready to commit emotionally
Traumatic events like infidelity, betrayal, uncalled-for breakup, handling narcissists, psychopaths, fickle-minded people, or any other toxic trait may make you emotionally unavailable.
It’s when you shut down your emotions and don’t let anyone connect to you emotionally. You create a wall to protect yourself from possible harm.
Even when you develop feelings, you can’t and won’t change the situation anyhow to begin a relationship.
Lithromantics protect themselves from romance, others’ reciprocated feelings, love, and emotions.
If your emotional unavailability is a constant in your life… if it was always present and there’s no hope of stopping it… you might be a lithromantic.
2. You have unknown reasons behind your repulsion against romantic relationships
You’re madly in love with this person, think about them every minute of your day… but you can’t imagine a romantic relationship with anyone.
Whenever it comes to romantic relationships, you stop on your trail. The thought makes you feel uncomfortable. However, if anyone asks you why you won’t be in a relationship with them… you blank out.
You really have no answer to their question. Your friends and family want to be with their object of affection. That’s what you always saw around you.
Even if someone isn’t ready for a relationship, they have reasons like priority and time issues. But if you can’t find answers, you’re a lithromantic.
3. You escaped from relationships repeatedly
Did anyone ever propose to you? Or, did your friends or siblings ever try to play matchmaker for you?
If yes, how did you manage those situations? Suppose you said yes, how long did you stay in the relationship? If it was too short and you ended it, what were your reasons to end it?
A good sign of being lithromantic is that you’ll wanna escape all relationships for no reason.
If you avoided all the matchmaking or proposals, it’s not your partners’ fault. It might be your romantic orientation.
4. The topic of romance is gross to you
When you notice couples showing PDA, do you feel comfortable being around them? If their actions repulse you, you might be a lithromantic.
You can’t understand this “romance being in the air” feeling. You feel it’s like a virus and everyone got it other than you.
You can’t entertain the thought of romance… and when you watch it happen, you can’t take it at all.
It might be because your parents didn’t express romance in your presence or expressed it too much. Or, you experienced a bad relationship and your ex disappointed you deeply.
You might have a good reason, but can’t quite find it.
5. You kind of fear romance
For some of you, the thought of romance might not repulse you but you might fear it. The term itself inflicts crippling terror in your mind.
Where people feel positive about the topic, you cower away from the terrifying idea of connecting romantically with another person.
This might also be due to trauma like rejection, unrequited love, being a victim of mind games in love, heartbreaks, or adultery.
If the word romance flashes pathetic scenes in front of your eyes… you might fear remembering the bad past connected to romance.
If you don’t feel safe remembering about romance or don’t know how to overcome it … you might be lithromantic.
6. Only platonic relationships appeal to you
Whether it’s in person or online dating apps, if it comes to relationships… you only want platonic ones. Platonic relationships make you feel comfortable the most.
Whether you’re sexually attracted to another or romantically, you won’t try changing the relationship label… all because you don’t want your feelings reciprocated.
Platonic relationships are your comfort zone and you’re not ready to change them in any way. Even if you have overflowing love for them, you keep mum.
Possibly you know this relationship or arrangement can’t work if it becomes anything more. If this sounds familiar, you might be lithromantic.
7. You frequently heard you led them on
Though you’re happy with platonic relationships, the other person might want something more. They can’t fathom the situation or your feelings and bombard you with questions about exclusivity and commitment.
They want to label this relationship where you have sex and/or spend quality time… but at that very moment, you feel turned off and lose all interest.
For this, many of your past encounters – wanted to establish romantic relationships – called you a player or said you led their feelings.
You know nobody understands your feelings so you mostly reject them rather than express yourself. If such incidents occurred, more reasons to say you’re a lithromantic.
8. The intensity of romance dies with time
Have you ever stepped into a romantic relationship? Nobody knows that romance doesn’t work for them… and like everyone else, you followed suit and possibly experienced a few romantic relationships.
In your relationships, with time does romantic love increase or decrease? If you’re lithromantic, the romance factor will consistently drop in your relationship.
With time, the relationship remains with lustful sexual feelings and platonic attraction. However, you might still have a small amount of romantic love.
These feelings return to the relationship from time to time. But it never becomes intense like the initial phase. Your feelings might turn greyromantic.
Due to the different levels of lithromanticism, your romantic feelings fluctuate. In the end, romantic attraction completely disappears. Then, partners either stay back or separate.
9. You hate physical touching
If you are comfortable with sexual touch, but the idea of romantic physical touch disturbs you… you might be lithromantic.
It’s not just about being touched either. Even seeing other couples getting all romantic touchy-feely with PDA creeps you out.
Some examples are holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and any other nonsexual romantic touch.
Such physical touch disturbs you because they reek of possible commitment, reciprocated romantic feelings, romantic connection, and warmth.
Lithromantics don’t crave such feelings or attention so they avoid it actively.
Even if it happens, they either ask the other person to stop verbally or express it with body language like flinching or making pained facial expressions.
You may even make excuses to avoid spilling the real reason for your discomfort with romantic touches.
10. You don’t like bonding with others
Not all lithromantic individuals have similar feelings. People grow with unique experiences which lead to different perceptions of life and relationships.
Some lithromantic folks don’t like bonding with human beings in general. It’s not that they only avoid romance. Rather, they avoid all kinds of possible humane connections… even platonic ones.
They avoid deep conversations, show vulnerabilities, and keep things superficial. They also justify their behavior with abnormal reasons. You might be one if this rings a bell.
You can’t keep up with meaningful relationships because of the pressure of expectations. It never brings joy to you so you steer clear from them.
11. You like fantasy relationships with fictional characters
Your object of romantic affection reciprocates your feelings… This is an all-time possibility. So, who must you love that won’t do the same?
If you ever fantasized about romance with fictional characters to avoid a reciprocal relationship… you’re possibly a lithromantic.
It might be a character from a TV series, movie, book, or even animation.
You know it very well that the fictional characters won’t step on your landmines – developing feelings for you.
You avoid real-life relationships and spend more time fantasizing about these characters. In your fantasies, you rule exactly how you’ll love and how the characters will react.
You find it extremely safe, secure, and endless love interests in fantasies.
12. You don’t like gossiping about your romantic interests
People with significant others want to share the cutest deets about their interests with friends. They love discussing their great features and swoon over them.
However, if you don’t like this idea, you might be lithromantic. You’ll also feel extremely uncomfortable when others gossip about their partner. You leave the group gossip or zone out to escape.
When someone forces you into spilling about your crush, you feel so irritated that your feelings disappear. Reality sinks in when you mention your feelings and you get turned off.
Moreover, discussions make things sound official… you hate them even without reciprocated feelings.
13. Your crushes are all secrets
When people have crushes, they naturally talk more about them. This is when they aren’t aware of their feelings. They share their feelings to close and trusted ones for their opinions.
They don’t mind if people laugh at them and confess. They don’t want to have regrets moving forward. They collect all the bravery and work on their romantic feelings.
If you like to keep your crushes secrets for all of eternity, then you’re a lithromantic. You possibly never had the courage or desire to confess to your crushes.
However, you aren’t shy, you’re just content the way things are.
14. You get sexually attracted before romantic ones
Since lithromantics avoid romantic reciprocation so badly that they develop sexual relationships only. They make it seem that they’re only interested in sex in a relationship.
Thus, people with such interest approach them. Lithromantics create a sexual bond first and slowly develop romantic feelings.
However, they know that their partner doesn’t want that and they won’t return their feelings. This is added assurance for lithromantics for a prolonged relationship.
Some lithromantics also depend on sexual compatibility to develop romantic feelings. The opposite is also true for some. If you prioritize sexual attraction before romance, you might be a lithromantic.
15. You choose unavailable people
For a lithromantic, an ideal situation is when their object of affection doesn’t or can’t return the feelings.
So, they look for committed people, someone who might have someone else in their heart or someone of a different sexual orientation. If you’re the same, you might be lithromantic.
You know the other person focuses on someone else. So, despite how close you get to them, and how you express your romantic feelings, they’ll never notice you.
If they don’t find your nature strange or don’t notice the romantic expressions of love… they’ll keep you around as a friend and it’ll also satisfy your needs.
16. You never feel left out
Whether in online forums, among friends, or on social media platforms… Singlehood is a topic of frustration, loneliness, shame, and a sign of incapability.
In many western nations, even parents encourage teenagers to date. Siblings make fun when one of them can’t find a pair. It intensifies the lonely feelings.
They also long for the happiness of being in a relationship… even if it’s casual and only lasts for a fleeting moment.
If you don’t feel similarly even when your peers date, you might be lithromantic. You can’t understand the fuss over relationships and might cherish solitude.
17. You pretend as you only want casual flings
Different people have different ways to approach their romantic interests. Similarly, some lithromantics look for casual relationships online.
They’ll flirt and make it seem so superficial and playful… so their partner never gets wind of the romantic feelings.
They might not even look for casual sex. They meet up on their dates from time to time. Pretend to have no feelings and only want to have fun and pass time.
They cover up their feelings with such pretense. Their casual date wants exactly that and doesn’t hope for any serious commitments. All of this works out too well for both parties.
If you had such thoughts ever or did the same, you got your answer.
18. Your crush makes you nervous differently
People feel nervous around their crush and that’s natural despite romantic or sexual orientations. It’s usually about whether a crush will reciprocate their feelings.
Most people fear that their crush will reject them or make fun of them. However, for lithromantics, it’s totally different. Their fear or nervousness stems from the opposite reasons.
They fear the possibility that their crush might fall for them too and want a romantic relationship. Since reciprocal romantic relationships are totally out of the question, they can’t help but feel nervous.
Do you secretly wish that your crush mustn’t like you back? Then you’re surely a lithromantic.
19. You wanna express yourself but don’t want others to
Some lithromantics are very open about their romantic feelings when they’re sure the other person can’t reciprocate it. So, they become transparent about their unavailable romantic interests.
Since the other person can’t return the feelings, they bet their all on being ignored. However, if they reciprocate the feelings… that’s their biggest turn-off.
Even if this unavailable person says something along the line “I always had a thing for you” even though the feelings don’t persist anymore… a lithromantic loses all interest.
Lithromantics become very outspoken about their feelings when there’s no sign of mutual feelings. They become reserved when there’s some chance. So, does that remind you of anything?
20. You call romantic relationships troublesome
Who hasn’t given in to peer pressure in their life? Sometimes people confess or get into relationships …because of their friends’ undying motivation to get hooked.
This doesn’t usually turn great for anyone despite romantic or sexual orientations. However, for lithromantics, it becomes the moment of realization.
They understand that they don’t like being in romantic relationships. Romantic gestures like flowers, love letters, chocolates, fancy meals, and even “I love you” texts put them off.
If you felt more distant with your partner’s every move… thought your partner is too clingy… or that relationships are a pain. There’s a high possibility you’re a lithromantic.
21. You only like skin-deep intimacy
When it comes to intimacy, as a lithromantic you only like it skin-deep. You can easily have sexual affairs with someone attractive only.
However, you don’t like expressing your feelings even during intimate moments. You wish that your partner follows the same and refrain from forming emotional intimacy.
You might even not care if you had sexual relationships other than someone you romantically love… or indulging in sexual affairs even when you love someone else.
You may develop romantic feelings based on looks. You don’t allow the other person to show vulnerabilities either… so you don’t possibly love them for their nature or heart.
22. You tend to ghost your interests
Being a lithromantic, you easily let go of romantic feelings… so easily that you cut them off your life… as if you guys never knew one another.
If someone confesses or shows a hint of feelings towards you, you’re faster than flash to ghost them. And just like ghosts do, you don’t let them get a hint of discomfort with their feelings.
So long you’re around them, you behave kindly, talk to them naturally, listen to them babble about romance for hours, or even exchange contacts… but the moment you get a chance, you leave them.
You don’t concern yourself with any closure… you put in a distance and forget about them completely.
23. You find romantic relationships pointless or illogical
There’s a common question of all lithromantics: “What’s the meaning of having romantic relationships?”
They don’t hold anything against romance itself, but ask “Why do you want others to return romantic feelings?”
They love falling in love themselves… but they don’t understand why the other person must mimic their feelings. The same feelings thrown back at themselves makes them doubtful.
Where people usually feel happy about mutual feelings… they seek logic and point since they don’t feel happy with reciprocation.
24. Rejections might make you happy
Lithromantics try their best to hide their feelings, you know that by now. However, things don’t always go as planned. Human instincts are crazily on point.
So, when a lithromantic tries hard to cover up their romantic interest in the other… their person of affection might catch onto their feelings.
The best thing that a lithromantic might hear from them is: “I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way… but I don’t mind staying friends”.
This is usually a douchebag move to any regular person expecting reciprocation. However, to lithromantics, it might be heaven. If you hope for such rejections, you might be a lithromantic.
25. You may not like sexual relationships either
Not all lithromantics are the same. Some might depend on sexual relationships to get close to people. They use it as a farce to be close to someone and experience romantic attraction.
However, everyone doesn’t feel as indifferent about sexual relationships. Some lithromantics don’t want a sexual relationship either.
If you experience both sexual and romantic attraction towards others… and get turned off when the other person reciprocates either… you might be both lithromantic and lithsexual.
Romantic and sexual orientations are different. Being a lith both romantically and sexually is also possible.
Curious about the buzz between lithromantic and akoiromantic? Let’s get rid of this confusion here…
Difference between lithromantic and akoiromantic
Akoiromantic is an alternative because of the Lesbian community issue about “stone” butch sexuality and lithos (stone). Akoiromantic implies unshared romantic feelings and lithromantic includes any non-positive or non-enthusiastic romantic feelings to complete repulsion. But both terms mean the same.
Lithromantic and Akoiromantic imply one and the same thing. Akoiromantic is rather an alternative because there were issues in the Lesbian community.
Since lith meant stone… and stone butch lesbians or stone sexual identity implies masculine lesbians… that’s how the confusion began. So, to calm down the controversies, akoiromantic is the new alternate term.
Moreover, Akoi comes from the term “Akoine”. It implies non-shared but not repulsion towards romance.
This is because some Lithromantic folks desire reciprocation… but neutrally, i.e., neither positively nor negatively and nothing too overwhelming.
The term lithromantic also includes lack of interest, indifference, aversion, and repulsion.
On the other hand, those who specifically hate or repulse romance reciprocation are called apromantic.
If you’re interested in Lithromantic flags, then head to this…
There are many lithromantic flags but the official one is made by Rainbow Flags on Deviantart. It was designed. The flag has three horizontal color stripes from top to bottom: Green, Yellow, and Grey.
Still unsure if you’re a lithomantic? Let’s find it with a short quiz…
Despite the vast signs, you may still feel unsure whether you’re lithromantic. Sometimes, you need to look back on your life decisions and think more logically about your possible choices in the future… and you’ll easily understand your heart.
So, let’s quickly check this lithromantic quiz…
1. Did you ever have a crush?
B. Yes, But I didn’t want to proceed with it
C. Maybe a few times
2. Were you ever in a relationship?
A. “I did, but it felt quite platonic” or “No, I don’t wanna date”
B. “Yes, but I always lost interest” Or “No, because I don’t like people who like me back”
C. “Yes, but they weren’t that long” or “No, I never experienced strong enough romantic feelings for that”
D. “Yes” or “No, I hope I do someday”
3. How frequently do you have crushes?
A. Never had one
B. Like all my peers… but I don’t wanna acknowledge or think too much about it
C. Very rarely
D. Like anyone else around my age
4. Do you think you’ll ever be in a romantic relationship?
B. I don’t think it will
C. I’m really unsure
D. Someday, I want it
5. What will you do if your crush confesses to you?
A. I don’t have crushes. Rather into squishes.
B. I’ll probably reject them
D. I can’t wait to date them
6. How do you feel about romance?
A. It’s really not a big deal as people make it
B. I’m cool with fantasizing about it. But that’s all, no more.
C. My feelings on it are quite neutral. I don’t mind it but I’m not too attached to the idea
D. I like the idea. I want it in my life… even if it brings hardships
7. If you have a crush on a cute acquaintance, how will you feel?
A. It’s not quite possible
B. I’ll just wait until they fall for me or I lose interest
C. I’ll be surprised at my own capacity
D. I wish we can start dating soon
8. What’s your opinion of friends with benefits (FWB)?
A. Anything without romance is good for me
B. FWB is superb because I don’t have to worry about them reciprocating feelings or me losing them
C. I like this idea because my romantic feelings aren’t enough
D. FWB is fun but I want something more committing and exclusive
9. Have you ever experienced a romantic situation?
A. “Yes, I hated that” or “Thankfully, no”
B. “Yes, it didn’t feel good” or “No, I don’t think I’ll like it”
C. “Yes, but very few times” or “No, I don’t think it will ever happen”
D. “Yes, I wish it happens again” or “No, I wish it soon happens”
10. Where do you put yourself in the spectrum?
A. Perhaps Aromantic
B. I’m sure I’m a Lith/Akoi
C. I’m really not sure, I might be somewhere between
D. A hopeless romantic!
If you answered mostly A’s
You’re aromantic, i.e., you don’t understand or experience romantic attraction. You’re more into platonic relationships and that’s completely fine!
If you answered mostly B’s
You’re lithromantic and experience romantic attraction in a regular way. However, your feelings disappear when the object of your affection reciprocates your feelings. You’re also on the aromantic spectrum.
If you answered mostly C’s
You’re greyromantic and hardly experience romantic feelings. Your position on the aromantic spectrum varies as your feelings fluctuate from very weak to medium. You’re somewhere in between the scale.
If you answered mostly D’s
You’re alloromantic and romantic experiences are as normal as society defines them. You believe in happily ever after and hope they happen to you too. You don’t belong in the aromantic spectrum. You’re a die-hard romantic.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Lithromantic isn’t as simple as it seems because it is deeply entangled with your personality, experiences, and views on life.
So, you might not have completely identical feelings to another lithromantic.
If you matched with only one or two of the signs, you don’t pass as a lithromantic. You must match with at least a handful of non-contradicting signs to find your answer.
Though not knowing your romantic orientation isn’t harmful, knowing them helps you seek and manage relationships better.
Don’t expect everyone will understand your feelings. However, you’ll have a better scope of relationships if there’s someone understanding and fitting for you. And you’ll decrease the chances of breaking hearts.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...