“I don’t know why I feel this way. But I miss my ex, so much!”
Do these thoughts keep lingering in your mind?
Don’t worry you are not alone!
Almost all of us have gone through the same feelings of sadness, rejection, and abandonment attached to breakups. Though, all of our journeys are different but, in some cases, it hurts more!
Let’s all agree to this: Breakup is going to be one of the hardest things in your life, especially when you are extremely devoted to your ex. The change hurts so bad that it gets difficult to keep up with the present.
And then you start to question or just Google search questions like (don’t worry, even I have done that!)…
I miss my ex so much, what should I do?
Believe me with this – the pain is not going to last forever. Sooner or later, you will move past this phase.
You are not always going to feel sad and lonely. But before that happens, you will doubt every decision and blame yourself for the breakup.
Not only that, you will replay every bittersweet moment you spent with your ex in your mind. If you were the one who broke up, you will second-guess your decision to part ways with them.
Without a doubt, this phase is going to put you in an uncomfortable position where your mind is clouded with “if or if not” every moment.
To help you out, I’m going to talk about why people miss their exes and what they can do to forget and forgive them.
I’m going to discuss some reasons why you can’t forget your ex, some ways to help you to decide what to do when you miss your ex, and powerful methods to move past the pain and suffering.
Long story short, this article is going to cover everything that you need to know that devastating thought that says: I miss my ex!
Why do I miss my ex SO MUCH?
This is the most common question that people dealing with a breakup ask themselves.
They are aware that the relationship was not working out and has to end. They are smart enough to understand that their toxic ex was unable to provide them the desired love and respect.
Yet, they miss their ex desperately and want to know the reason behind it.
Do you also keep questioning yourself the same thing? Then, my friend, it’s pretty natural to miss someone you planned your future with.
Even if future plans were not on the cards, you still invested so much of your time and efforts for this person in hopes of a future.
When things end, you can’t stop missing everything that could have been.
Maybe a song, their piece of cloth that they left in your drawer, their gifts, their pictures, and the sudden loss of a future life – all these things make you stumble upon the memory lane and make you miss your ex.
What to do when you miss your ex?
You know that it’s a difficult time when you are missing your ex and you can’t do anything about it. Your first instinct will be to go and talk to them.
But that isn’t possible as your ex doesn’t even care about your existence. Even if they do, you know that they are toxic, and talking to them isn’t going to be a good idea.
Not getting to do anything about your grief can be a really painful experience that may cause a negative impact on your mental health.
To save yourself from this misery, these are the 15 things you can do when you miss your ex.
1. Understand that your ex was not the only “Special One” of your life
I know that when you saw this person, you thought – “This is it”! You imagined spending your entire life with them by considering them the “special one”.
This idea is usually showcased in movies where the princess meets the prince charming and in the end, they bid goodbye to us as the couple who lived “happily ever after”.
But real life seldom works as the Disney fairy tales.
In real life, you have to go through a lot of trials and errors before you finally find the one. You are going to meet a lot of potential partners before you find someone who is truly made for you.
So the next time you miss your ex, remember that they were not as special as you imagined them to be.
You are going to find someone who truly loves you for who you are and you are not in the end game.
2. Work towards making yourself emotionally independent
We all tend to seek emotional help from our loved and dear ones from time to time. Seeking help and sharing our happiness with others is a good way to cope up.
But when it becomes a daily affair, things soon begin to become toxic.
If your entire mood depends on your partner’s behavior, then you are never going to be happy in this relationship, ever.
That is, if you seek happiness from your partner’s approval and validation of yourself, then it’s going to be a big problem in a long-term relationship.
You will soon find yourself emotionally dependent on your partner which will further create chaos in your personal life.
When you miss your ex, remind yourself that your happiness should come from within and not your ex’s behavior towards you.
Try to get happiness from your own actions and qualities instead of depending on your ex to make you happy.
3. Consider what went wrong in your relationship
When you are going through a bad breakup, your mind reminds you of all the great things that you did and had with your partner in this failed relationship.
This is the brain’s way to make a fool out of you.
You fall in love with the idea of “what it could have been” instead of focusing on “what it really was” which fuels your desire to go back to your ex who doesn’t even give a damn about you.
When you are missing your ex and thinking about picking up your phone to call them, it becomes really important to consider what went wrong in the relationship.
Were you getting cheated by your partner? Was there no respect in the relationship? Did your ex make you feel unloved?
Count all the things that went wrong and be honest to yourself. Then, consider if these things will ever change if you go back to your ex.
4. Shake your ex by giving them some space
I know that you want to pick up your phone and make a call to your ex. But this isn’t going to work in your favor all the time… especially when your ex thinks you are clingy.
Continuously begging your ex to get back together isn’t going to help you at all. Instead, it will make them more distant.
The best way to avoid this situation is by sending them a text that ensures you are interested in “no communication”.
Something like – “Yeah, you are right. I think not talking anymore is going to be the best for the both of us”.
By sending such a text, you’re not only giving your ex some space but also initiating to end things. This lack of interest from your side will rejuvenate attraction from their side.
They will surely start questioning their decision of leaving you.
5. Truly feel the pain before moving ahead
This doesn’t mean putting a sad song on speakers and overthinking to make things worse. Instead, it means giving yourself the time to process hurt, trauma, and grief from this lost relationship.
Most of the time, we try to be strong by keeping things in our hearts which only make us weaker. A better idea to start your healing process is to let things out by processing them wisely.
Start with keeping a meaningful journal. You can also start spending time with family and friends. If you start talking to a trusted friend about your painful experience can also make you feel good.
You can also take help from a therapist. By carefully analyzing things, you will slowly start to feel calm and happy.
6. Flaunt the “change” to your ex
Your ex should know that you’ve changed since the breakup. If it was you who broke up with them and now regrets the decision, showing them your changed self can work wonders to bring them back to you.
But if your ex broke up with you for certain reasons… then well, just flaunt your changed and better self to the ex to show them what they lost.
Also, watching you move ahead without them in your life may make them feel insecure and second-guess everything they are doing now.
7. Try to stay busy by doing things that make you happy
Staying busy is definitely going to help you a lot when you are struggling and the face of your ex never leaves your mind.
The best way to get the most out of staying busy is by doing what you love. Most people try to stay busy by binge-watching TV shows for long hours and overeating. The others go to the pubs and indulge in heavy drinking.
The above-mentioned ways to stay busy is only going to give you new reasons to be feeling sad and depressed. So, my advice is to do things that are important and can prove to be productive.
For instance, you can focus on your goals, start going to the gym or a morning run, volunteer, or any other things that make you happy. Other than that, spending time with friends is also going to make you happy.
8. Work on being the best version of yourself
Whether you are trying to get back with your ex, or just make your ex feel jealous or making attempts to move on peacefully, making efforts to be the best version of yourself is going to serve all these needs.
Many people tend towards self-harming activities when they are dealing with trauma. But relentlessly trying to be better than you were yesterday is not only going to help you move on, but will also help you to emerge as a great personality in the future.
Thus, focus on the things that make you different from others. What are your best qualities? What are your talents? What are your hidden talents that you can work on?
Working towards these things is going to make you a better and happy person. And believe me; it’s going to make your ex super jealous (even if they don’t show it).
9. Maintain a record of your progress
As you are dealing with a hard time, you can fail to acknowledge the achievements you make per day. In such cases, keeping a journal is the best way to keep you updated and motivated.
Note down your emotions in a journal. Track your progress report. After a month, go back to the pages and celebrate the little milestones.
Going through the old pages will make you realize how much growth you’ve made with your mental health in the past months.
You will be surprised to know that you miss your ex much less than you used to do a month ago.
Knowing about your little wins is going to work as a great motivational factor. Don’t forget to pamper yourself with a little treat after you track your growth.
10. Making your ex jealous may provide you some relief
This option is for those who haven’t completely given up their hopes. It’s for those who think things can still be mended.
If you are one of them, then making your ex jealous is one way to get them back. All you have to do is to show them that you are happy without them.
Start by going out with new people. When your ex realizes that you have started dating, they may experience feelings of rejection and want to come back to you.
Upload happy pictures of yourself on social media and make sure they check it.
Knowing that you are wanted by other people makes you look more attractive in their eyes. Watching so many people fond of you will trigger territorial feelings in them and they may want you to come back.
11. Stop comparing your ex to everyone else
Sometimes, we are too weak to consider anyone else more worthy than the ex who just cheated and manipulated us. We seem to put our pedestal giving them the tag of “best person ever”.
As now the person you thought to be the best is no longer with you, you have to move on with the next person.
And believe me, there are millions of people better than your ex. You just fail to notice them.
You are so engrossed with the superficial qualities of your ex that you can’t see the beauty that the world has to offer you. Thus, when you are going out or meeting new people, stop comparing them to your ex.
See them as unique individuals and notice their qualities without any judgments. It will help you realize that what you thought to be the “best” is far away from the “real best”.
12. Make changes to compensate for the things you did
Now, this is for those who hold themselves responsible for the breakup. Was it something that you were doing that led to a breakup?
Many partners tend to blame others when they are ending things. So don’t let them manipulate you into thinking that you were responsible for the blunder.
Be unbiased while deciding if it was your fault or theirs.
If it was something you were doing wrong in the relationship, then bring changes in your way and show it to your ex by meaningful, respectable, and appreciative actions.
If your ex is convinced that you have changed your ways, they may want to come back to you.
13. Load yourself with self-love
You are missing your ex even when they made you feel miserable. The next time you miss them and feel unloved, get out of the chair and invest your time in some self-love.
It can be something as simple as reading your favorite book, signing up for a workout session, or painting.
Go for a solo trip and just take a mountain bike ride. Or else, ask your friends to join you on a hike.
Spending some great time with yourself will make you realize you are as capable of being happy as you were with your ex.
Sometimes, you will find yourself happier when your ex’s clingy judgment and toxicity are not walking around with you.
14. Make a plan to pursue successful and meaningful goals
Rejection and abandonment can make us think low of ourselves. The best thing to do to have a sense of self-worth is to take your time and make a solid plan to achieve your goals and succeed in your life.
Start by analyzing every part of your life other than the breakup. Question yourself –
- Is my career moving ahead? Is it fulfilling my financial and satisfaction levels?
- Is my present self-care routine enough to help me? What other things can I do to make myself happier and more peaceful?
- What can I do to make myself fitter and healthier?
- What are my quotients with other relationships? Does anything need positive changes in my relationships with family and friends?
- What is the one thing that I always wanted to do? What about doing it right now?
Answering these questions and working on them is going to give you a lot of meaningful goals to think about.
This will naturally deflect your mind from thinking about your ex. Also, it will help you evolve as a person.
15. Just don’t give a f**k
I know it’s difficult, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Keep reminding yourself how you have a life of your own and how happy you were when he was not in your life. Trust me, after a few conscious attempts, it will start coming naturally to you.
For a while, take a break and just be with yourself and don’t care about anything that’s happening around you.
It might seem impossible initially but once you achieve it, you will feel a sense of eternal peace that was long due.
Now that you have your mind diverted, let me first tell you a few…
Things you should know if you are constantly saying “I miss my ex”
You may find yourself captivated by the memories of your ex. You may find yourself staying in memory lane as if it was your forever home.
Getting stuck in a reality that existed in the past or was just in your mind can make you feel horrible about yourself. You will find difficulty in completing daily chores and showing up to the office.
But when you feel like this, don’t engage in self-loathing and hate yourself for being a failure.
Remember, this stagnant state is temporary and there are a few things you should know when you constantly find yourself chanting – “I miss my ex”.
1. It’s completely NORMAL to miss your ex!
It’s perfectly normal to miss your ex after a breakup. After all, you spent so much of your time with them. Even if it was not a long-term relationship, you still had so many expectations from this person.
Thus, it’s perfectly normal to feel alone and isolated after a breakup. What else? We keep rewinding the incident again and again.
Questions like these continue to increase the suffering –
“Was I not good enough?”
“Was it all my fault?”
“Am I too hard to love?”
“Am I ever going to find love again?”
In such moments, you should know that asking these questions repeatedly isn’t going to give you a proper answer.
You are still going to get manipulated and determine inconclusive answers again and again.
Give a gateway to your racing thoughts by journaling. Once you are done, learn to put a full stop whenever these questions come to bother you.
2. You (only YOU!) must find your way ahead!
We seem to run in a hamster wheel when we keep saying “I miss my ex” again and again. Ruminating is a never-ending cycle that is going to take you nowhere.
Plus, ruminating is bad for mental health. The best way out of this situation is to take the plunge in your own hand and find your way ahead.
Take your life back into consideration. Your life is so much more than a failed relationship.
Focus on the other areas of your life that are equally or more important for your well-being other than a romantic relationship.
Take your time to rediscover who you are. Find out the things that truly add to your happiness irrespective of anyone else’s involvement.
When you truly get your happiness in your hands, you will be surprised to know that the solutions were always in front of you.
A happy and peaceful mind will also give you the chance to make sane decisions about getting back with your ex and whether it is right or not.
3. Breakups can be as painful as losing a Loved one.
I really want you to hear this out. When you are struggling to cope up with your daily chores due to the unexplainable grief, someone is going to come and say –
“He was not worth it anyway. Move on already.”
“Come on; don’t be sad because of that liar”.
While this person wants to cheer you up, they are only making things worse. You may wonder –
“Am I overreacting to this situation?”
“Why is it so hard for me to move on? I should not feel this way”.
But let me tell you, going through a breakup is not easy at all. Even science has proved that the process of suffering the pain of a breakup is as intense as the pain of losing a loved one.
Because of course, you have witnessed the death of your dreams, expectations, and hopes of your future life even if the person is alive.
Also, your ex was a huge part of your life, and losing them is no less than losing a loved one.
4. You need to feel the grief to move on!
Do you keep putting your pain aside only to unexpectedly burst into tears while walking on the sidewalk? Then, my dear, you are suppressing your pain.
When you suppress your pain, you make sure that you will never be able to fully recover your broken heart.
As the grief is never let out of your system, you subconsciously get stuck with the painful experience of your breakup.
You should feel the grief totally to accept the reality before you finally move on.
Crying your heart out, journaling, and talking to a friend is the right solution. But if the grief is interfering with your day-to-day life, then you should consider talking to a therapist.
5. There’s no harm in seeking Online Therapy!
It may have been weeks since you really smiled. All you do is fake smiles for acquaintances. Seeking online therapy can change this situation.
By having access to an online therapist, you can have an expert to help you out whenever you feel like you can’t take the burden of grief anymore.
Talking to a therapist is a great way to begin and successfully complete your healing process.
Therapists listen to you and help you to lead a happy life irrespective of what your ex did to you. They will teach you ways to cope up with the pain and embark on your healing journey.
4-step Process to Get Over Your Ex
People hate breakups but it’s not the worst thing that happens to them. The worst part is struggling helplessly to cope up with the pain of a breakup.
Even though you broke up in the coffee house, the actual action takes place in your brain. Chances are – everything and everyone will remind you of your ex in one or another way.
Just when you walked by a Chinese restaurant or watched a Chinese tourist crossing the roads, you will think –
“Oh my god! My ex loved Chinese cuisine! I miss my ex so much!”
Now that you can’t take the mental trauma anymore and have decided to seek online help to heal from the breakup, I assure you I’m here to help.
Here is a 4-step tried and tested process to get over your ex –
Step 1: Understand that your body is going through withdrawal
When you are dealing with a breakup, you are actually going through a withdrawal period.
In romantic relationships, your brain and body seem to be addicted to this person. In fact, scientists have actually proved this right.
For research, they used the MRI machine with some people who have recently faced a breakup with their partners.
Scientists were astonished to find that while asking the questions, the same parts of the brain responded as it happens in the case of cocaine addicts.
That’s why it’s so irresistible to not miss your ex. Your body is craving for them and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
As your body is going through withdrawal, each one of your thoughts will be centered on your ex. But you can save yourself from the pain by trying to keep yourself busy.
When you enforce yourself to do something big that demands all of your attention, you immediately turn off the overthinking or survival mode to thriving.
It may be hard in the beginning. But once you go through it, you will find yourself relieved and actually not caring about your ex even if they are with someone new.
Understanding that not only your relationship status but also your body is going through a change will help a lot in gaining control over the situation and adopting ways to deal with it.
The added bonus is when you don’t care about your ex; they will be instantly attracted to you.
Step 2: Follow the No Contact Rule
Want to get over your ex while also making them drawn towards you?
Then you should follow the No Contact Rule. This rule actually means not keeping any kind of ties in any form from your ex for a certain period of time.
This includes –
- No calling
- No texting
- Not checking their social media platforms
- Not meeting them by any chance
- Not going through their pictures at all.
The time period is usually 22, 30, or 45 days.
Apart from cutting off your ex totally, you also have to cultivate your own life and focus on the things that make you a better person.
Use this time period to become a better version of yourself. In some cases, it’s absolutely fine to use this period to just survive and explore your life again… start falling in love with yourself and see the magic happen!
The main idea is to not communicate with your ex in any case (except some exceptional cases like a serious tragic incident) and to keep yourself busy doing the things you love.
Recreating yourself means you have no time to obsess about your ex anymore.
The fun fact about not obsessing over your ex and not showing up for so many days will leave your ex confused.
They will be forced to think why you aren’t troubling them any longer and if you have lost interest in them.
This increases the chance of your ex coming back to you to know how things are going or if you have started dating someone else.
Step 3: Determine your ex’s internal conversation that they refuse to tell you
Thinking everything will be alright after getting your ex back is wrong. Getting back with an ex will be an exciting scene with a lot of emotions involved both from you and your ex’s part.
But after the illusionary world of emotions comes to an end, your ex again starts to relate with reality.
This is the reason that most couples who get back after a breakup separate again in the nick of time.
If you want to avoid getting hurt again, you have to know the internal conversation that goes in your ex’s mind.
Now, we have no supernatural capabilities to read one’s mind. But we know that actions speak for the truth.
So if your ex cited “the feelings just ended” as the reason for breaking up and was found dating their colleague just a week after that, you know that the cheater lied.
Your ex may have indulged in an affair with their colleague when they were with you. When things become serious, they end things with the other person.
Your ex may not cite – “I found someone more good looking than you” or “I can’t stand your laugh anymore” as reasons to break up as it will make them appear a total jerk.
To avoid that, you will listen to a different story. But don’t trust their words. Trust the actions and you will know what’s really going on in their mind.
Step 4: Trick your Ex into attaching positive emotions to you
The last and final step of getting your ex back works miraculously when you have completed all the first three steps.
The idea is to trick your ex into attaching positive emotions to you with good thoughts, ideas, and memories.
What’s the thing that triggers so many emotions in you that you keep obsessing over and over again? – The best things are movies and books.
They make us laugh, cry and wield positive emotions. (Don’t give your ex a thriller). If it’s a good piece of literature of cinematography, we keep repeating the lines and scenes in our minds.
When the time is right, give your ex a similar movie/book. The best time is after the No Contact period as the tension is built.
This assures that whenever your ex reads or watches this piece, they will feel a range of emotions like happiness, positivity, and romanticism. They will associate all these feelings with you.
If the book/movie was good, they will replay the scenes in their mind and whenever they do that, it will make them think about you.
Ultimately, they will attach these positive emotions to your presence and will miss you.
This process works almost 90/100 times. But for those 10 times, here’s your answer to
How to Stop Missing Your Ex? [20+ Ways]
As we discussed the 4-step process to get your ex back, you know everything about getting them back in your life.
But we also discussed that the chances of your coming back to you increase tenfold when you stop bothering them.
And how is that going to happen if you can’t stop missing your ex-boyfriend? Even if you resist the urge to talk to your ex, you should not be having such a hard time dealing with life.
You deserve to ease the tension, pressure, and desperation a little bit by not missing your ex. I have made the work easier for you by citing the ways to do that successfully:
1. Check out if you really miss your ex or is it some non-existent hope of reality
I’ve been in your place. I was devastated when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. It felt like I couldn’t survive and life has no meaning if he wasn’t there.
I realized over time that the relationship was really toxic. He was never loyal in the relationship.
On top of that, he kept comparing me to other women which made me feel they were better than me. When he left me, this self-doubt just got stamped.
It took me some time to realize that I was always better off without him. What made it so difficult to move on after the breakup was the insecurities carried forward by childhood trauma and the twisted reality that I will only feel worthy of anything if he takes me back.
Is the same happening to you?
2. Put a full stop to the constant self-loathing
Breakups can make you feel the worst kind of negative emotions.
“Did he leave me because I’m not good looking?”
“Maybe she left me because I don’t know how to present myself”.
“Is it because of my low income or the fact that I’m not sharp enough?”
All these thoughts will come and go every passing second. Ultimately, you will start believing in them.
You can do yourself more harm than your ex did to you. It’s okay to be not liked by someone, but it’s the most dreadful thing to not like and love yourself.
Don’t beat yourself down or underestimate your capabilities just because a person wasn’t able to value them.
3. Follow the No Contact Rule for at least 30 days
Following the No Contact Rule for 30 days is really important when you are dealing with a breakup.
Whether you are trying to move on by forgetting your ex or trying to gain them back, the No Contact Rules can help you in both cases.
Not contacting your ex for 30 days is going to be really hard at first. You will pick up your phone several times to send text messages or to make phone calls.
But with little hope and control, you can make it through the process.
The rule is beneficial for the following reasons –
- It gives your ex a chance to miss you and want you.
- It gives you the time to gain perspective and clear out your cloudy thoughts.
- You become a better person who knows whether they want their ex back in their life or not.
4. Get out of the town for a quick vacation
Watching the same parks and restaurants where you spent time with your ex can trigger the same emotions as you.
Getting out of the town for a quick vacation is what you need to freshen up your mind and soul.
When you are in a different geographical location, you are confirming two things –
- You don’t have to see your ex’s face here.
- You are having a new experience that can change your perspective about life.
You will gain new experiences on this trip and when you will come back, you will be the same person but with a grown mindset.
And who cares about their ex when they are enjoying some natural beauty with kind strangers?
5. Write yourself letters to let out the cloud of emotions
Most of the exes lie while breaking up. They give you reasons that make absolutely no sense. To end things, they cite problems that were not even there in your relationship.
This makes us feel like we haven’t got our closure. As a result, our mind constantly repeats all the things we should have said or asked them.
If your ex is a loser who wasn’t able to end things smoothly, then saying these things to them isn’t going to make any sense.
Hence, write multiple letters to release all the questions and comebacks you wanted to give this person.
Otherwise, you will be trapped in a never-ending cycle of saying things in your head.
6. Don’t talk about your ex with everyone you meet
Letting things out of your mind is a good way to be at peace. But when you keep talking about the same things to every person you meet, you are harming yourself and your relationship with them.
Don’t be a person who can’t stop obsessing about your ex. Instead, focus on knowing the other person, their journey, and their story.
Don’t bring the topic of your ex in every story you share with others as it will make you appear desperate and also work in reverse to your attempts to not miss your ex.
7. Make a list of everything that’s bad about them
After a breakup, you should try to stay positive in every area of life except this one. Never settle your ex on a pedestal.
I know that you are forced to think that you are never going to find such an exceptional partner ever again. But that’s your mind fooling you.
Make a list of all the negatives that you had in this relationship. Was your ex not trustworthy? Did he share the same opinions as you?
Was there respect in the relationship? Did they compare you with other people?
There can be endless times when they disappoint you. Write them all on a single sheet of paper. Go through them from time to time to remember how lucky you are to not be with this person anymore.
8. Hide the things that remind you of them
The anniversary present and the cute letter that they gave you… it all reminds you of the good times when you were happy and madly in love.
It reminds you of the time when your ex was in love or pretended to be in love with you.
Now, the times have changed and these mementos are stretching your arms to the past. Don’t want to miss your ex? Then hide these things.
You can throw these things if you’re ready. If not, hide these in a place where they don’t meet your eyes every day.
Also, delete the pictures of both of you from your phone. You can also save them to a hard drive that you don’t usually use and keep the hard drive on an old desk.
Relationship advice by experts also asks you to delete all the social media pictures with your ex so that you don’t get reminded about the past.
9. Direct your attention to yourself
Enough of thinking about your ex and what they want… It’s time to think about you and what you want from life.
Leave your ex alone. If your feelings were unworthy to them, why do their feelings matter to you?
Do you think you were not good in the relationship? Think deeper about the reasons that made you act out of your personality.
Was it the never-ending fear of losing them due to their disloyalty that made you lash out?
It’s time to celebrate yourself and your life by accepting who you are and doing the things that you always wanted to do.
And believe me, your ex shouldn’t be a part of any of it.
10. Put an end to the blame game
I can’t blame you for creating a negative image of your ex in your mind. I know that blaming them for everything fuels your hate for them which makes it easier for you to move on.
But at the same time, obsessive blaming also leads you to get stuck with this person.
When you are constantly thinking about the ways you could have stopped them to treat you so bad, you are actually prolonging the process.
A person who you once fell in love with has now hurt you so bad that you wish to hate them. But instead, they must be forgotten.
Try to rub off their existence from your mind by thinking less about them with each passing day.
Also, don’t blame yourself for everything that went wrong in the relationship. Always remember, no one can love you as much as you can.
11. Seek the help of a therapist
There is no shame in doing what is good for you and therapy is one of them. Don’t be ashamed to seek professional help.
Believe me; discussing your situation with a professional will help you so much with your trauma.
Don’t quit if your first experience with a therapist went bad. Move for someone who truly has knowledge in the field.
Do some research or ask your friends for a proper therapist to help you out.
12. Surround yourself with people who care about you
You may feel the impulsive need to date someone else just after the breakup to lessen the intensity of loneliness. But dates are not healthy and definitely not the only way to make you feel good.
Your friends and family members can be angels in making you feel special when you think everything is ending.
Even if your relationship made you distant from everyone, a simple sorry can mend things easily as your loved ones truly care for you.
Fill the hole in your heart by surrounding yourself with people who care about you.
13. You are in charge of your endorphins
Ever heard about endorphins? They are the “feel-good hormones” responsible for your happiness and cheerfulness.
But, do you know the easiest way to release them? – By breaking out a sweat. Spend some time doing a physical workout and your mood will elevate instantly.
Participating in physical activities like weight lifting or cardio will make you feel happy.
Immersing in these acts for an hour a day also takes your attention from missing your ex to being present in the moment.
14. Give yourself some time
It’s hard to accept that you’ve to go through this to get out of it. There’s no way to escape with a snap of a finger. You have to wait and give yourself time if you really want to get out of it.
There will be moments that will make you think that the suffering is going to last forever. But keep your hands on your heart and say to yourself –
“This pain is temporary. After 5 years, I’ll not even care about the existence of my ex.”
This is the truth. You will eventually emerge out as a winner.
15. Pay attention to your hobbies and favorite activities
It’s common for people to shift their entire focus to their partner when they are in a serious long-term relationship. As they have associated all of their happiness with their partner, they no longer do the activities that make them happy.
Now that your partner is gone, there is a huge gap in your life that needs to be filled. Getting into a new relationship when you are in a troubled mindset is a wrong idea.
Thus, fill this gap by doing the things you love.
Plan your week ahead by making slots for doing your favorite activities. Reinvest yourself in your long lost hobbies and you will discover there is so much more life left in you.
Being engrossed with things you love also gives you less time for missing the negative impact of your ex.
16. Stay busy with things that don’t include your ex
Just get rid of listening to the song that reminds you of your ex. If you don’t want to miss them, it’s time to do things that don’t include them.
This doesn’t mean useless acts like counting the tiles on your floor. Make yourself busy with productive things.
The breakup must have shaken your self-worth. Start by gaining it back with yoga, meditation, working out, and achieving new milestones in your career.
Remind yourself that you will still be worthy even if everything is taken away from you. Help others and engage in volunteer work to get a boost of what true happiness feels like.
17. Use the failed relationship as a lesson to move ahead positively
It gets hard to be positive when everything around you seems to fall apart. What we should keep in mind during these tough times is that every person is either a blessing or a lesson.
Try to take out the positives from the relationship and use the negatives as a sword to never miss or talk to your ex again.
Your failed relationship will work as an anchor for your future relationships. Now that you’ve seen the best and the worse, you will know –
- What are your expectations from a relationship?
- What qualities do you want your future partner to have?
- What are the red flags you are not going to ignore?
- What are the toxic behaviors you are going to change within yourself?
- What are the toxic behaviors you don’t want your partner to have?
18. Meet new people
Your friends play a great role in your life. But don’t they know everything that went wrong with you and your ex?
Maybe you have shared a lot with them to lighten your heart which is a great way to deal with stress. But watching their face multiple times a week can reignite your craving for your ex.
Are they mutual friends of your ex? Then talking to them will surely remind you of your ex.
Don’t cut ties with your friends. But at the same time, meet new people. These people know nothing about your past. This gives you a chance to talk about new topics that don’t include your ex in them.
It’s also refreshing to meet new personalities and get a hint of their life.
19. Stop missing your ex by actively pursuing new things
When you were with your ex, you were bound by a routine. You know the exact times when you waited for your ex to call you.
You know the time when you actually got to talk and meet with your ex-partner and the exact time when you texted them.
If your ex suddenly stopped feeling the love and left unannounced, it will leave a gaping hole in your heart along with a lot of free time slots.
To add to that, your routine is disturbed and you are filling these slots with missing the ex.
To save yourself from doing that, you need to start something new and exciting.
Going to new places, talking to new people, trying out new sports and cuisines, learning a new language – all these are a great ways to fill these vacant slots while also making you an all-rounder.
20. Get back to your ex (only if you feel like it!)
The best way to not miss your ex is to get back with them, isn’t it? But it’s not always the correct decision.
You don’t want yourself to be trapped in the loop of toxicity and ignorance. If your ex still hasn’t changed a bit, then going back to them is a bad decision that you are surely going to regret.
But if you and your ex have genuinely solved issues, then you can get back with your ex.
There are two chances – sometimes when two people break up for trivial reasons, they do come back. At other times, people consciously make these trivial reasons to break up with their partner and move on with someone or something else. You may or may not hear from your ex ever again.
The best you can do to yourself is to not wait for your ex to come back. You never know what life has in store for you. If you meet your true love someday, you don’t want an ex bothering you then. Focus on therapy and treat yourself with care.
People fall out of love when they start to see the other person’s qualities differently. The laugh they once loved may irritate them. Now when two people get apart due to this reason, they may or may not come together.
Maybe if your ex starts to see your good qualities, then they may fall in love with you again in the future which is a rare occurrence. Till then, you should not put a full stop to your dating life. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. So, what are you doing to make yourself happy today?
According to the study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research, 50% of couples who break up get back together. The chances are quite high. But you are in a 50/50 situation.
No matter what happened and how many years changed on the calendar, you guys still share a history. Maybe your ex has moved on with his life and new partner, it’s normal if you haven’t been able to move on. It’s okay to stumble across your ex’s memory lane once or twice after 2 years.
But if they are a constant in your mind, then you haven’t clearly moved on. You can try talking to your ex after considering all the pros and cons. Or, you can try a healthier way by seeking therapy and talking about the issue with your loved ones.
Missing your ex simply means that this person was important to you and you still feel the same way about them. It means that you loved this person and as they are no longer in your life, you miss their presence and the fact that both of you are not connected in the same way.
But remember, there is nothing wrong with you if you miss your ex. Take your time and recollect your thoughts before finally moving on.
Getting over your ex is definitely going to take a long time. You have to cope up with your emotions in a healthy way. Take your time to get over your ex. You have to feel all the emotions you are going through, find your own closure if you didn’t get one from them, wash your trauma by talking to your friends and therapist, and spend time with your family members.
If it takes you to lift weights, write poetry or create some kind of art to move on from your ex, do that as well.
This depends on who is the one to call it quits. If you are the one who broke up with your ex, then you can win your ex by having a proper conversation where you solve all the issues and apologize for your mistake. If your ex broke up with you then you shouldn’t be the one to initiate mending things.
It becomes really important to not go back to your ex if they aren’t even making any efforts to come back to you. In this situation, the best way out is to try to move on.
If your ex is still in love with you, they will make efforts to talk to you and meet you. They will reach out to you through text messages and phone calls. Beware; don’t engage in an emotional conversation with your ex over texts. It’s hard to know what they really feel through texts.
If they show the desire to continue the conversation, ask them to meet in person. Discuss every part of the relationship before committing to a decision. Check if you still want them and double-check if they will be a changed person who treats you right this time.
It doesn’t matter who broke up in a relationship. There is no doubt that your ex will miss you. Even if they were the ones who took the decision to walk different ways, they will still miss you as they spent a great deal of time with you. Again, missing you doesn’t mean they remember you only for the good memories.
They may miss you by recollecting the bad moments and negative emotions as well. Missing someone doesn’t mean getting back together. You can miss someone and still know that they aren’t the one for you. It’s better to move on with your life.
If your ex misses you, they will let you know their feelings by reaching out to you directly. If they still have some feelings for you, they will show it by some indirect actions. They can either talk to your friends about you or ask about your whereabouts.
Sometimes they can also stalk you on social media and like your pictures. Irrespective of the way they chose to take, your intuition will tell you whether or not they are missing you. Further, the actions taken also depend on their extroverted or introverted nature.
A break is when two people in a relationship think they should take a pause. They wish to continue with their relationship but just want to take a break to spend some time apart from each other to mend the relationship. This is done in order to re-establish the beautiful bond they once shared.
A breakup is when your partner thinks the relationship cannot work any longer. They don’t have any hopes for the future with you. In such cases, they want to try dating someone else. In a breakup, there are no hopes of reuniting. So, now you tell me, is it a breakup or a break?
Relationship coaching cannot only help you throughout the relationship but can also help you to deal with a breakup. If you can’t help missing your ex and it’s disturbing your mental health, a relationship coach can help you recognize the areas you need to improve and help you to improve them.
Dealing with a breakup is hard. It may make you feel shy with the opposite sex, lose mutual friends, lose confidence and give you a hard time dealing with the many stages of recovering from a breakup. A relationship coach can help you to deal with all these problems.
Telling your ex you miss him depends on a lot of factors. Was he the one who broke up with you? Were you not ready to end things and yet he chose to move on? Have you already told him that you miss him but the reply from his side was not satisfactory? T
hen telling your ex you miss him will only make things worse for you. But if it was you the one who broke up with him and you think you made an impulsive decision. Or, if you think he has changed miraculously since you stepped out of his life. Then go ahead, tell him you miss him, and give it one last shot!
Humans are social animals. More than anything, they value companionship. When you are missing your ex despite them being toxic and unfulfilling, you may be dealing with a more severe issue. You know this person wasn’t able to give you true happiness in the past and the same is going to happen in the future. Yet, you want to be with them.
This means you are scared of loneliness more than anything else. This may be a cause of childhood neglect from your parents or some other hidden mental health issues. Understand that you miss the companionship and not the person. It’s better to be alone for a while before you move on with someone worthy of your time and efforts.
There’s no way to know your ex misses you until and unless they come and say it directly to you. As misery demands company, you may want your ex to miss you as well.
“How can they be happy if I’m sad?” Seemingly, this is not the healthiest way to neglect your pain. Do you want your ex to miss you? Then you can adopt a more subtle way than the first one.
You can use your social media to show your ex how happy you are in your life. This will make them jealous to a certain level after which they may want to come back. You may show your life is an adventure and you are truly moving on to make them desperate for you.
Dating new people right after a breakup just to make your ex jealous is not the right choice. It may be a barrier in getting back with your ex.
If you are on speaking terms with them, you can share a piece of a picture from the happy times to show them what they are missing. Don’t include intimate images. Instead, share an image from a day where both of you were very happy. This will make him miss all the happy times he spent with you.
In the end, remember,
You will Love Again…
I know that you are in a tough place right now. With your mind occupied with all the old memories, you think your ex was the only one who could have loved you.
You thought your ex was your “fairy-tale ending” but they were just some other person from the crowd.
Believe me, you will love again.
But, take your time to recover before you do that.
Love yourself. Invest your time and efforts in making yourself a better person. Surprise the world with that beautiful smile.
Don’t do anything to impress others but impress yourself with tiny little achievements, every day.
When you take the time to analyze what you really want from a relationship and a partner, when you understand your needs and the way you deserve to be treated, and when you are truly happy with yourself, you will find someone who is similar to your sensibilities.
…and this time it will be for forever.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...