In a relationship, different situations can crop up from time to time and test the strength and dedication of your partnership. This is where having core relationship values can come to good effect.
They will offer you the requisite camaraderie for navigating through those hurdles together.
Read on to know more –
Relationship Values Infographic
Relationship Values – Meaning
Summary
Core relationship values are those guiding principles that offer direction to your words and actions. They include the perspective you carry about yourself, and the world surrounding your life. These values form the basis of how you lead your daily life.
Suppose, you are boarding a train. Imagine that the train is headed for destination A, while you want to go to destination B.
Surely, you will get disappointed when after a point of time, you realize that you have not reached the destination of your choice. For successful travel, both the passenger and train need to head in the same direction.
The same thing applies to relationships. You and your partner should have similar core beliefs to feel safe, connected, and protected, and enjoy a deep sense of comfort and care. Now, what are relationship values?
They are certain principles, which act as a life coach and dictate your behavior patterns. Relationship values also refer to an individual’s perspective, not only about themselves but also for their partner and the world at large.
Core Values in a Relationship
Core values lay the strong foundation to lead your life with one another in the best possible manner. You must ensure that your relationship values contain the necessary substance when you discuss them with your partner.
If possible, check out the book, ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” written by American author Gary Chapman.
It is now time to check out the important core values or thoughtful gifts that romantic partners should share in romantic relationships. They are as follows –
1. Trust
This is a core value that stands above everything else. It is the basis of your relationship. Trust goes hand in hand with the success of a relationship.
You and your partner should trust one another with everything you have got. You must have the confidence that they will offer their support, you will stay by their side through thick and thin and if children are involved as well, their well-being must be your top priority.
The relationship with your beloved can be a successful one if both of you have the trust that they will always give their best for ensuring the greater good of the relationship.
2. Forgiveness
You must be aware of having someone in your life, who has the habit of holding grudges very easily. When you or your partner has this habit, it is enough to ruin your romantic relationship.
Remember, when you resort to the tactic of making brutal eye contact with one another, it will leave everyone blind. Either you or your partner must have the ability to forgive the other person when something happens which is not per an individual’s liking.
It takes a big heart to forgive someone after he or she has done something against the other person’s wish. Saying a simple ‘sorry’ to your partner can ensure forgiveness, making peace with the situation, and moving forward after a conflict.
3. Friendship
Friends share similar likes and interests. They enjoy spending time with one another. One need not hide anything from his or her friend. Few words of affirmation from either side can go a long way in making the relationship flourish.
When you are friends with someone, you will enjoy talking, laughing and will be there to support each other. Above anything else, your lover must be your best friend.
Even if you do not make your best friend your life partner, ensure that you can share whatever you feel like with them.
They should be there to multiply your happiness and divide your worries or concerns. If you manage to find someone like that to build a relationship with, hold on to them.
4. Laughter
The burdens and responsibilities of life can become extremely overwhelming for you to handle. You are constantly thinking of serving the needs of your parents, wife, children, etc. In the process of doing these things, you are forgetting to live your life.
Laughter has become an unknown commodity for you. The same applies to your partner. She might try hard to find the right balance between her personal and professional lives.
In both scenarios, everyone would love to have someone by their side, who, at the end of the day, can put a smile on their face. They can make them laugh by cracking jokes or by sharing some funny stories when you see one another on a date night.
5. Happiness
Joy or happiness should help balance out sadness. Whenever sadness tends to outweigh joy in a particular relationship for a good length of time, it is not a favorable sign.
It shows that you are finding it tough to adjust and meet the expectations of your partner and vice versa.
Hence, adjustment is key to finding happiness in a relationship between men and women.
Both of you can be happy only if you are willing to sacrifice some of your wishes for the sake of fulfilling your partner’s wants. This must happen from either side. Your partner should also feel the same for you.
6. Interaction
Communication is all about expressing yourself in such a way that it causes no harm to others.
More than anything else, it is all about hearing one another with utmost compassion and care. One must stay open-hearted and maintain receptivity in their actions even after getting hurt.
You or your partner could go through a phase when nothing seems to be going alright in life. Whatever you wish to do will turn out to be a failure. In this situation, you need someone with whom you can share your problem.
This is where open-minded nature comes into play in a relationship. You should communicate with your partner and seek solutions to your problems. It is a must for any relationship to thrive.
7. Respect
Respect is a crucial aspect of any successful relationship. If you come across contempt in your partner, abuses might soon follow.
You can symbolize the problem of contempt through signs of suspicion or feel good and superior to others, whenever they resort to talking.
Some of the most contemptuous things that one can do for the next person include sarcasm, calling out one another’s names, and love language evident through physical gestures to suggest that you are suffering from a superiority complex.
8. Loyalty
One should always keep their partner’s best interests at heart. There will be circumstances when a beautiful woman or a very handsome man might attract your attention. They could even try to pursue you, but that will be the test of your loyalty.
When you have a husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, always consider their emotions and the love they shower upon you before you think of cheating. It is not feasible to even think of entertaining the feelings of a new person over someone, whom you have known for a long time.
9. Growth
You can have a conscious relationship when both partners feel the need for putting the same level of commitment toward growth. Over here growth means both individual and collective.
Enduring the tough times together and overcoming hurdles, is a form of growth. Your partner will never manage to commit to the growth of the relationship if they cannot commit themselves to their growth.
10. Compassion
If you are compassionate, you will manage to step into the shoes of someone else, show gratitude for their contribution to your life and see things from their perspective.
It shows that one has the desire to ease out their partner’s suffering and make them feel special and loved.
When you see that your partner does not bother about your pain, it reflects that they are insensitive. They do not have genuine feelings toward you, hence lacking compassion. Make sure to have this in your personality for building healthy relationships.
The relationship between married couples becomes tough to handle when you do not agree with your partner on different aspects of life. Now, how do you deal with these, when you are dating someone or married to someone carrying different values?
Is it possible to build and maintain a harmonious relationship? The answer is yes, only if both individuals have the intention to talk, listen and work in tandem.
Let us now discuss some of the ways which can help you navigate through the differences in values among couples –
1. Communicate Your Viewpoint to Them and Listen to Their Thoughts
The first move toward discussing significant values in relationships is to have a clear-cut conversation. It does not mean that both of you will once again engage in yelling and arguments after your dinner.
Communication in a relationship denotes that you will sit down, share your point of view, and show genuine intent to understand the perspective of your partner. You must get to the bottom of why the opinion of your partner seems sensible to them.
The way people grow up, their education, and previous experiences help shape our thought processes about the world.
Therefore, keeping these things in mind, you should realize that just because someone does not possess similar values as you have, does not mean they are wrong.
2. Indulge in Fair Arguments
It is not easy to have different values in a relationship. Whenever you discuss those with your partner, you are bound to have conflicts. Hence, you must learn ways that will help you to fight in a fair manner even when you are fuming with anger inside.
In this respect, you can follow these tips –
- When you feel that the situation is on the verge of getting out of hand, you can take some time off to cool down. The conversation can resume after a short break.
- You must look to avoid letting your fight for one reason spiral into other conflicts you have had earlier in your relationship. Though it is quite difficult, not to bring up previous hurtful comments, they will come to no use over here.
- It is best suited not to speak in absolute terms. Hence, avoid saying that your partner “always” looks to argue with you or “never” makes any attempt to analyze your viewpoint. You must remind your partner to do the same as well.
- The most convenient way to prevent accusations and put blame on your partner is if you can focus on your feelings. Rather than saying, “You always tend to bring this issue up in our discussions”, try saying “I feel as if we often discuss this a lot.”
3. Identify Your Deal Breakers
Till now, we have been discussing different ways you can discuss and come to an understanding of the different values of both partners in a relationship. Even after all these attempts, there are occasions when it becomes impossible. Some significant relationship values are so important that they either make or break the bonding.
This is where it becomes crucial to identify your deal breakers. For instance, you might be okay to disagree about the political candidate you should vote for. On the other hand, it may not be alright for you to agree with your partner if he does not agree with a social issue that affects your life.
The earlier you manage to decide the core values in your relationship you can share with your partner, the sooner you will figure out your next courses of action.
How to Make Someone Feel Valued in a Relationship
There is intense pressure to make others feel like you have got things together and you are very happy in your life. Due to these reasons, it can sometimes become tough to find people who will offer authentic relationships.
When someone goes away with the thought that you genuinely listened to their concerns as an individual. They will feel truly appreciated and always going to keep you in their thoughts.
Now, how do you make someone feel valued and appreciated in a relationship?
Follow these four simple tips to get going –
1. Do Not Listen Only to Respond
Whenever we have conversations nowadays, often, we only think of what we will say in response to another person’s statements. As a result of this attitude, an individual does not truly listen to what the person in front of her is saying.
You must pay close attention to details.
One of the finest ways through which you can make a person feel genuinely valued is to accept that whatever they are trying to express is genuine and understandable. Validate their feelings. They do not need external validation.
Try not to come up with a reply or any sort of resolution. Acknowledge that whatever frustration or stress they are going through is valid.
Learn how to listen for the sake of listening to their thoughts. You are the only person who can become like that and it will create a lasting impression of your personality on your partner’s mind.
2. Explain to Them How and Why You Always Appreciate Them
There are many who never really tell others the manner and reasons for which they are glad to have someone in their life. You can make your partner feel appreciated through the following simple statements:
- “I am happy you are here to support my endeavor.”
- “Your positive mindset helps me to keep going.”
- “Work becomes a lot better when you are beside me.”
- “I have no idea how you manage to do it, but you always provide hope.”
- “Thanks a lot for always lending your ears to me.”
Sometimes, a simple statement of appreciation is enough to make someone’s day. You never know what problems you might be going through in their mind. They are not speaking up about them as they do not want you to take undue pressure.
Therefore, under these tough situations, making them believe that you are happy to have them as their partner can do wonders to their mood and confidence level.
3. Accept Them Just the Way They Are
Remain humble. They have a personality of their own. Let them stay that way. Do not try to turn them into someone else.
Your partner may have the habit of questioning the way you deal with some situations in life.
He or she wishes well for you and their tendency might stem from the care they have for you. Unfortunately, the way they expressed their opinion, sounded like they suffered from a superiority complex.
Therefore, your partner’s comments can hurt your sentiments but they may not even realize they have done something wrong.
For them, all her statements were casual and she had told those out of concern. Still, remember that telling someone how they should think, act or feel does not make them feel valued. It is rather insulting.
The only way you can make them feel valued is by letting them lead their lives as per their liking. Thus, stay humble, and respect the fact that every individual is different.
Appreciating differences and accepting an individual’s personality might be exactly what they need.
4. Make Them Your Priority and Invest Sufficient Time
We all understand that life can be extremely chaotic. That does not mean, you will keep blowing away your partner repeatedly without any reason or an apology and not having time for them. If you do not have time, tell them on their face.
When you genuinely care for your lover or partner, immediately get in touch with them once you have spare time. He or she should be your priority.
There is a limit to the number of “I am sorry”, and “I am busy, can’t pick up your call right now” messages that a person can accept before they begin to think you do not care about them.
If you genuinely want people to think of you, show them that you care for their well-being and interests. At the end of the day, it is the only thing many people want. Someone who is there to support and care.
Try telling them why and in which way they add value to your life. You must clearly express how you will also add value to their life. These little assurances can do wonders for someone’s confidence and improve their quality of life.
Valuing Yourself in a Relationship
Self-worth is nothing but the overall opinion you carry for yourself. It contains everything you believe to be your strengths, weaknesses, and things that make you worthy of love.
Your sense of self-worth has a major role in the way you relate to others and the world at large.
How to Know Your Self-Worth
Check out how you can know your self-worth, and strengthening your relationship with your partner –
- Always remember that you are also a human being just like your partner. Therefore, when you take care of their needs and happiness, you need to spend quality time ensuring you are also happy. Treat the fulfillment of your needs as a priority.
- You should get rid of your low self-esteem. If you always deal with it, you will not manage to gauge your self-worth. It is because you will always wait for your partner to validate your feelings, hence staying at their mercy, both psychologically and emotionally.
- Personal development will play a major role in your path to finding self-worth in a relationship. The more you manage to grow your personality emotionally, mentally, and psychologically in all possible manner, you will gain a tremendous level of confidence. It will help you keep sound mental health.
- One thing that adversely impacts your self-worth in a relationship is your habit of thinking too much about certain situations in life. You might be a lover, who is always critical of your partner’s actions.
- Try setting personal boundaries and strictly stick to those. When you set healthy boundaries, it becomes an extension of your values.
Signs That You Are Not Valued in a Relationship
It is one of the worst things to realize that your partner does not value or appreciate you in a relationship. Feeling unappreciated or not being valued means you are always taken for granted.
Let us look at some of the signs or indications to suggest that one person does not appreciate their partner’s contribution to the relationship –
- You never get to hear thank you from your partner, even if you invest your energy in pleasing him or her. He has become used to good treatment and hence, does not feel the need to acknowledge your effort. Your significant other or spouse expects you to behave the way you do and hence take things for granted.
- Your partner or significant other does not consult you for advice before taking major decisions. It suggests that they do not appreciate your input in his life.
- Whenever your partner arranges a plan without discussing it with you beforehand, this is a clear sign of being unappreciated or not giving you the value you deserve. It is because your partner had assumed that you would agree to whatever plan was made.
- You might feel upset that your partner fails to acknowledge important occasions including birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays, even though they are important to you.
- It makes you feel sad that your partner rarely shows any intent to make not so grand gestures to love you or make you happy.
Signs That Someone Values You in a Relationship
It is not always easy to recognize if someone truly values their partner in a relationship. At times, people give mixed signals and that often confuses them.
You can feel important to them one day, while the very next day raises doubts in your mind. However, perceiving mixed signals from the other person does not always mean they do not value you.
Let us briefly look into the signs you must pay attention to for understanding if a person values you –
1. Bother to Reschedule for Meeting You
When someone sees you as an important part of their life, they will always respect the moments they get to spend with you. Your time will be as important as theirs.
Therefore, if they fail to meet you for some reason on a given day, they will not only apologize to you for not turning up but also tell you when they will be available to spend time with you.
2. You Will Get All the Attention
When a person keeps checking his phone for messages even when they are with you and do not bother about things you are telling them, there is every chance that they do not respect your time.
Surely, there is nothing wrong with checking your phone now and then. If they keep doing it consistently, even when you are sitting in front, talking about an interesting topic, then it suggests that the person does not value your time.
3. They Will Keep Doing Little Things for You
A person who truly values your presence in their life will keep doing small things for you. They will not want to get anything in return. It is how they want to see you happy and make things easier for you in life.
On the other hand, when someone doesn’t appreciate you might do certain things for you but it will be occasionally. After a point of time, they will stop doing so or will do only when they get something from you in return.
4. Give Timely Replies to Your Text Messages
Can you think of a time when you replied to a message after a gap of three to four days? Why? It was because the message had come from someone who did not mean a lot in your life. The same thing happens when someone does not value their partner in a relationship.
When a person means a lot in your life, you will become elated whenever you get a message from them. You will not waste time but send your reply in an instant. It is a sign that he or she has got immense value in the relationship.
5. Follow Up to Check if Everything is Alright
You might tell your partner that you need to go for some medical tests tomorrow. You may mention the time and place of visit as well. A person who truly cares and gives value to your presence in the relationship will check with you if you have reached the clinic on time.
They will offer their support and give confidence that he or she should not worry. Everything will be fine. They could even come over to the clinic while going to the office to give you moral support.
Relationship Values Worksheet
The worksheet on relationship values is as follows –
1. Send an invitation to your partner for setting aside an appropriate time to talk about your relationship. The intention behind it is to create a proper vision of your relationship not only for the present but also for your future. Next, start looking at the list of values mentioned below and identify your top three to five values which represent the principles and beliefs that hold importance to you in a relationship. Make your partner do the same.
| Kindness | Commitment | Fairness | Balance |
| Honesty | Authenticity | Acceptance | Tradition |
| Well-being | Love | Experiment | Peace |
| Equality | Compassion | Helpfulness | Nurturance |
| Flexibility | Accomplishment | Happiness | Warmth |
| Freedom | Open-minded | Intimacy | Simplicity |
| Family | Health | Personal Growth | Connection |
| Sensitivity | Responsibility | Joy | Appreciation |
2. Share the list with your partner and check where your values could overlap. Even if you do not have overlapping values, that’s fine as well. It is an opportunity for you to discuss and develop shared values with your peers.
3. Next, create a list of shared values below that seem relevant to all your deepest life goals and desires for your relationship. Then rank all of them in proper order.
4. You can write down your top five values on the left-hand side of the table below. On the right-hand side, note down each value as an action.
5. Please note that it solely depends on you how many values you wish to identify and work along with them.
| Top Five Values Ex – Participation Ex- Harmony | Your Value as an Action in the Relationship “Both of us actively participate in the relationship and try to make things work.” “We maintain good terms under all circumstances.” |
| 1) | 1) |
| 2) | 2) |
| 3) | 3) |
| 4) | 4) |
| 5) | 5) |
Relationship Core Values – Quiz
The value system that lies within you plays a massive role in the success of your relationship. Are you aware of the values you require to feel happy and protected in a relationship?
The following quiz will help you find the exact values you need from your relationship –
1. What do you seek in your partner?
A) Willingness to grow as an individual
B) Honesty and emotional vulnerability
C) Maturity and financial stability
2. In a perfect place, your relationship would:
A) Help us move towards our ambitions
B) Be healthy and receive blessings from others
C) Maintain trust, clarity of communication, and understanding
3. I feel that there should be cooperation among partners
A) Absolutely
B) If they cooperate, that’s fine.
C) No need for cooperation
4. What importance does commitment hold for you in a relationship?
A) Very important
B) Does not matter
C) Irrelevant
5. Do you think partners should always trust one another?
A) Yes. It is the foundation of any relationship.
B) I do not mind if there is none.
C) No. It is not a necessity
6. How do you rate the act of forgiveness in a relationship?
A) It is a quality one must have.
B) I can make things right, even if he does not forgive.
C) I know I am always right, hence, no need.
7. Communication helps to deal with differences in your relationship
A) Absolutely
B) Helpful to some extent
C) Not interested in talking until my partner says sorry.
8. Does loyalty matter to you?
A) Very much
B) Will never shy away from looking at a handsome/beautiful person of the opposite sex.
C) Cannot remain loyal as I will always look for a better alternative.
Answers
Let us now briefly look into the interpretations of answers to all the above questions –
Answered A
Have you mostly answered with an A? If yes, it shows that the core values hold great importance in your relationship. You will abide by them and strictly allow your partner to follow them as well.
Answered B
If you have mostly answered with B, it shows that maintaining core values is not mandatory for you. Your partner follows them, well and good. Otherwise, you will act at your convenience.
Answered C
When you have mostly answered with C, it shows that you are totally against all these core values in your relationship. They hold no substance for you.
Please go through the following video to get a better understanding of core relationship values.
Final Words
Two people enter a relationship with an attitude that develops over the years from various kinds of experiences they encounter during their lives.
Even with all these experiences, there are fundamental values that everyone must follow to ensure a long term relationship.
