So, you want to know how to not fall in love with someone? Is it because you fall in love too easily? Or, do you think the other person isn’t serious about you? Or, do you guys don’t have any future at all?
I feel so heartbroken that you have to suppress your feelings like this. But, hey… I know you’re worth so much better than this, so let me do my part and support you in this journey with this think-piece.
C’mon, let’s walk towards a better life together…
How to not fall in love so easily? – 50 ways
Falling in love is one of the sweetest experiences but only when it’s mutual and there’s nothing that morally or legally stops you.
However, since you’re on this journey, I believe, life has better plans for you but you gotta wait for that.
You probably feel helpless because you can’t stop getting butterflies for someone… don’t worry, it’s all possible. You can stop this feeling, but you must promise to stay committed and follow these steps…
1. Identify why you can’t fall in love
So, you want to know how to avoid falling in love… but did you figure out why? Is it because they’re emotionally unavailable, either of you has a partner, you’re just afraid of getting hurt, they hurt you before, you want more time to know their feelings, or something else?
I’m sure you already have a good reason… but you must verbally admit them to yourself. If nobody else tells you that you must not fall in love with this person, do yourself this favor. You must realize the downsides by yourself if you want to steer clear.
2. Make up your mind and heart
To stop falling in love with them, take your time to let the reasons sink in. Initially, even if your mind knows it’s wrong, your heart won’t listen and take the irrational route.
It feels as though there are two parts of you: one convinces you to forget them, and the other wants you to stay hopeful. Well, honey, don’t blame yourself for such feelings… It’s pretty normal.
But, of course, give it your best to align your heart and mind with this quest. So, convince your soul that things won’t work out.
3. Keep the reasons on your mind 24/7
Even if you ask yourself to stop loving or stop falling for someone, it’s never easy… your mind will find its way back to that person. But I won’t stand you reliving the pain over and over.
Write down all the reasons why you can’t fall in love with them in a private notepad on your phone. Write a self-note to help yourself snap out of it whenever you can’t control your emotions.
Go to a private space like a washroom, check your phone, and remind yourself of the reasons to stay rational.
4. Stop daydreaming
Amidst a group of people, it’s easy to stay distracted from the painful feelings. But learning how to not fall in love is all about controlling yourself even when you’re alone.
So, you must keep your mind off that person. The more you think of them and fantasize about a life where times will be easier and you can fall in love and be happily ever after without anything stopping you… the more you lose this battle.
By any means, you can’t daydream or this will break your heart into irreparable pieces.
5. Take charge of your mind
So, you want to brush them off your mind but can’t? Try something distracting that’ll keep your mind busy. For instance, try reorganizing your closet when their thoughts fill your mind, but if you find a gift from them in the closet, box them up and keep them out of your sight.
Or, read a new book… but definitely steer clear from the romance genre. Look up a new recipe and try your hand at it. Watch a comedy show or turn up the music and dance.
Whatever you do, make sure it is not remotely related to them.
6. Eliminate the social media stalking
Wondering how not to fall in love too fast? Don’t look them up on social media deliberately. When the heart goes crazy for someone, people usually check their crush’s Facebook or Instagram to know more about that person’s private life.
Well, if you’re not ready to fall in love too easily, stop obsessing over them online. Whenever you open social networking sites, mindfully control yourself from searching their profile.
The moment you feel “Oh, it won’t hurt to get one sneak peek”, that’s a trap! Get off the website right away… or you’ll only invite your doom.
7. Learn to say NO
Since childhood, most (not all) of our parents taught us to not turn down others as that’s rude… that truly turned us into people pleasers. We always think that if we refuse someone, they’ll be hurt… but how many of us think that if we don’t say NO, we’ll regret it big time?
If that person asks you to spend time with them or if they belong to a group of friends and that group invites you over, refuse them from time to time at least, if you can’t refuse them always.
8. Don’t let them have too much of your time
If you and that person study at the same school or college or share a workplace, it’s not easy to avoid them forever.
If you consistently ignore them and they don’t know about your budding feelings, that person and people around you will get fishy.
Instead, make sure whenever you talk, it’s only about business. Don’t let the conversations get too deep or personal. Always act as if you’re busy to get them off your tail.
9. Highlight their flaws
If you want to stop falling head over heels in love, focus on their bad side. Unless you’re super infatuated, you’ll find plenty of flaws in them.
Look up some red flags and deal breakers online and find out which ones they have. Note it down, in case you forget, and keep that list in another private note on your phone.
Whenever you see them in person and feel yourself falling for them or thinking about them, remember these flaws… that’ll calm you a little.
10. Keep the physical intimacy off limits
Any sort of physical proximity spikes feelings of love by a few folds. So, whenever you’re together, avoid sitting beside them.
Even if it’s a slippery road, hold someone else’s hand but avoid that person. If you’re forced into a situation where you must sit beside them, try to lean away from them so your elbows or arms don’t brush.
During fun group activities, try to not be on the same team… People tend to hug each other when they win, so avoid that.
11. Try to find another good match
Though easier said than done, this one can help you realize that you were true with the wrong person. Try to find more dates online or through trusted connections. Spend more time with your new dates and flirt.
Though it’s unfair to the new person as you’ll use them as a rebound, it’ll help you to some extent. If you’re worried about hurting the new person, tell them you want to casually date and don’t plan to get serious anytime soon.
12. Maintain a distance as much as you can
If you’re forced to interact with them regularly and frequently due to your circumstances, limit your contact other times.
For instance, if you’re both working on the same project, are boss and secretary, or anything alike, you might spend multiple hours together.
In these situations, you can’t avoid them directly as it’ll harm the academic or professional platform, so take your time away from them whenever you’re done for the day.
This one will make you seem super unfriendly, but do it to protect your heart.
13. Avoid them when you feel the spark
As you avoid that person, sometimes, they will pay extra attention to you and ask if you’re alright or whether they committed any mistakes. You’ll feel yourself madly falling in love because they noticed… you’ll feel special and be hopeful.
But nip that feeling right at its roots. Don’t let them sweep you off your feet with a little bit of attention. If they act flirtatious and playful with you, smile, tell them it’s nothing, and run for it! Don’t let your emotions make you weak.
14. Understand that it might not be love
True love and infatuation, though pretty different, people easily get confused between the two.
So, find out if you’re falling in love with that person… or do you just find them irresistibly attractive, fun, intriguing, and mysterious?
If you feel they’re flawless and that nobody can be as perfect as them, that’s infatuation. If you just feel attracted because they’re wonderful and you feel a bit bubbly and happy around them, it’s admiration.
If it’s not love, this feeling might not be as troublesome as you think and it’ll slowly wear off.
15. Prioritize your self-respect
If you still feel attracted and want to reach out to them or find excuses to spend time together but a romantic relationship with them is impossible, take more strict measures. Remind yourself that they’re not right for you.
Don’t go back to them and make a fool of yourself. If you’re not meant to be, nothing can change that.
You’re worth so much better in life and you can find love anywhere else you desire. It doesn’t need to be them. You can’t lose your dignity just for the sake of love.
16. Try harder to snap out of the obsession
If your mind knows that you guys can’t be together or you don’t desire a relationship with them, your heart will soon follow suit. For now, if you’re too obsessed with them, can’t forget or stop daydreaming at all, know that your effort will do the magic.
Don’t give up too easily even if it’s a couple of weeks since you started this journey and you still feel the same. Your heart might need a harder push from your willpower.
17. Figure out a plan with them
If this person is aware of your feelings and agrees that being together isn’t possible, try out a few tricks together. Plan to follow a no-contact (NC) rule for a few weeks together and you might get over them sooner than you thought.
Ask them to reach out less to you, avoid you unless they mean business, avoid any action that might make you misunderstand, give you plenty of space, and not force you into spending time together.
During the NC period, you must do your best to not think about them at all.
18. Get rid of the fairytale on your mind
It might feel great to fantasize about a fairytale ending of your story… that things will get better eventually and you’ll have a happy ending. But, did you ever consider the realistic consequences of being with them?
If either of you already has a partner or kids, being with them will hurt more hearts. If they’re your toxic ex, things might not turn out any better.
If you feel too attracted to them, remind yourself of the disappointing and heart-wrenching consequences to help yourself stop loving them.
19. Remind yourself why you can’t be together
Don’t just put it all in your mind… the silent words don’t impact your soul as much. So, verbally read out the listed reasons behind why you can’t be together, the red flags, the deal breakers, and their flaws.
Every time you find yourself drawn to that person, go to a secluded place, and say it out in a medium voice so nobody hears you… if you’re in public. But if you’re at home, you might as well scream and punch a pillow to get it through your mind.
20. Talk to your friends and family
Your family and friends know you the best and can help you out better… unless that person is your family member or friend’s partner.
Talk to your loved ones and seek their opinions about your decision. Since they aren’t absorbed in emotions like you, they’ll offer you better insights and ways to deal with the situation.
Ask them to help you snap out of it. They might even give you crude reality checks with brutal honesty because they don’t want you to get hurt in the long run.
21. Don’t let all of your topics end with them
When you have a crush on someone… whether you can have them or not… your topics will find a way to your crush.
You might be out in a coffee shop with friends and remember your crush’s favorite coffee type. You might play video games on your own and remember how they’re a pro at it.
If you praise them at every possible instant, stop that obsessive habit right away. Hold yourself whenever you want to say something about them because they aren’t worth it. If you can’t stop yourself, ask your mates to help you.
22. Do something to boost your confidence
If you believe that only they can understand you or that nobody will love you other than them… or if they convinced you anything like that, then focus on changing this feeling.
Find out why you feel this and work on that part of yourself to boost your self-confidence. If it’s because you’re a homebody and have lower chances to find dates, hit the club with friends.
If you feel less desired for your body (though you must not… your body is always beautiful!), hit the gym. Believe that you’re attractive and worth the world.
23. Make more friends
You think nobody can be as amazing as this person when you’re falling in love with them. But that’s never true… everyone has flaws and while you’re infatuated, it’s hard to notice that.
But you can totally change this if you socialize more often. Step out, meet more people, expand your circle, and you’ll find much more genuine and interesting people than them.
It will take your mind off them and you’ll realize that the world has so much to offer… so, why settle for less?
24. Draw some boundaries for uncalled situations
Suppose, you’ve been avoiding that person for a long time and meet them unexpectedly at a gathering… This scenario can trigger many emotions and you might even feel that fate wants you to be with them.
You can’t let your emotions take charge of these situations as they’ll hurt you later on. So, to avoid any overthinking, build and maintain strict boundaries.
For instance, keep a closed body language with your arms crossed, avoid eye contact, don’t laugh at their jokes, and use a business smile to appear polite.
25. Don’t allow them to show romantic gestures
If they usually shower you with roses, teddy bears, or chocolates or treat you special from others, these gestures ought to make you skip a heartbeat.
However, since you don’t want to fall in love too quickly or a long-term relationship is impossible with them, decline the gifts and gesture politely with an “I’m good, thanks for the thoughtful gesture” or “No, thanks… I will help myself”.
If you don’t turn down romantic movies, they might also get hopeful. So, you can save them from heartbreak this way.
26. Prioritize the friendship
If you guys are friends, remember the days when your relationship was purely platonic? Did you like that phase? If it was wholesome enough, then try to stick to being friends.
Remember that if you pursue them, you might lose a good friend and you guys might not be as good lovers as you think.
If your relationship takes a sour turn, you might even lose lots of mutual friends. Romance might risk your connection with them and many others, so steer clear from it.
27. Do something to drain your energy
A great and fun way to stop falling in love is by keeping yourself busy with rigorous activities. Because, if you’re too tired and want to hit the bed as soon as you’re done for the day, you won’t have the time to soak your pillows with tears of unrequited love.
So, pick up a tiring activity or class that’ll leave you feeling drained. You might join a high-intensity fitness plan or learn a new skill like swimming, rock climbing, or anything else.
28. Create goals and focus on them
Create personal, academic, and professional goals. Figure out what you want to achieve by the end of the year.
Aim to pull up your scores if you’re a student, get yourself recognized and promoted in your workplace, or learn new useful skills for progress.
You can also plan for a grand vacation with family or friends and save to buy a car or house. Pick what you want and work on it. Put all the effort and energy to make those dreams come true.
29. Breathe in fresh air
Sometimes, all you might need is fresh air in nature’s lap to heal and ground yourself back to reality. So, put on your sports shoes, go out to a park or any other safe and green area. Explore the beauty of nature with all the colorful flora and fauna.
If you like the ocean, go visit the beach by yourself and take your time relaxing while you enjoy the view.
Keep away from all distractions and notice how nature, despite all the troubles, carries on its flow incessantly, and be inspired. Like the waves and trees, you’ll also successfully reach your goals.
30. Allow your creativity to flow out
Everyone in this world has a creative side… some of us know it while others have yet to know. So if you don’t know about your creativity, try your hand at everything like painting, music making, stitching, knitting, and so on.
If you’re aware of your creativity, put it into good use. Give others lessons or create a side business for yourself. Expressing your creativity makes you feel optimistic and happy and stay distracted from thoughts about that person.
31. Find other means of safe touching
Physical contact releases serotonin and oxytocin in the bloodstream which makes you feel in love. So, you might be hyper-aware of any kind of slight touch from that person and even crave it which gives you the illusion of falling in love.
To deal with your situation, book yourself a cuddle session, massage therapy, visit a pet café or animal shelter, or even learn partner dancing to enjoy safe physical contact. This might relieve the tension of physical touch and help you become less conscious of them.
32. Try volunteering
Volunteering makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied with yourself. It helps you feel focused and involved in the greater good of the world.
You believe that you’re doing your part to make this world kinder and warmer for the unfortunate ones. These experiences will also teach you important values and help you forget about love.
So, enroll in volunteer services if you have something specific in mind. Help out in an animal shelter, donate to charity or thrift stores, or lend a helping hand in soup kitchens. You can also volunteer for disabled children or old-age homes.
33. Get a social media detox
Though you may not stalk that person, their posts might automatically fill your feed if you were quite active on social media with them. So, you might see their posts even unintentionally and your entire effort to stop falling for them might go in vain.
To eliminate even the smallest chances of peeking into their life, take a break from social media. Either deactivate your account or uninstall the apps if you have enough self-control to not install them anytime soon.
34. Focus on the bad consequences from the past
There must be a reason behind why you don’t want to fall in love with them… it might be because they’re toxic, you faced similar situations which led to poor experiences.
Keep the bad past in your mind!
Whoa… don’t misunderstand me, I don’t mean you must relive the past and feel hurt. But you need drastic measures for some emergencies… and this is one of them. Remind yourself how it all followed the worst possible route and you felt devastated. Tell yourself that you don’t want it ever again!
35. If you have an urge to be in love, work on that
Some people feel being in love is an important part of life or just feel obsessed with the idea of being in love… just as older generations say you MUST settle down by 30 with 2 kids like it’s an untold rule. Your drive to fall in love actually has nothing to do with that person.
If you don’t want a partner right now, you need to do some work on yourself. But if you just don’t want to fall in love with a certain person, try to find love elsewhere and it might work.
36. Remember you’ll be fine even without them
If you believe someone is awesome and they have a queue of suitors waiting for them, you might be afraid of losing them – “a perfect husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend material”.
Your fear might be the reason behind you falling in love too fast if that’s your situation. In this case, remind yourself that you’re the best and you can be even better than them.
Try to beat this fear of losing them and know that you’ll be happy even without them.
37. Don’t invest in common interests
If you both have a lot of common interests, try to spend less time on those. It’s especially useful because the activities will remind you of your time spent together in the past and even rekindle flames of passion in you.
You might even accidentally meet them while indulging in a common activity which might again make you feel more in love with them.
So, find new hobbies to keep them off your headspace, take time all to yourself, and focus on your life without them.
38. Don’t think you “need” them
For many people, being in a relationship makes them feel safe and secure because they can rely on their partner… it’s like emotional insurance.
You’ll always have one person to vent out your feelings or if you lose your job and become financially unstable, they can take care of you. Most people think this dependence is love.
To snap out of such thoughts, remind yourself that you’re enough for yourself and don’t need anyone to support you emotionally or financially.
39. And remember that they don’t “need” you
Some people think their date can’t handle life on their own… they’re too innocent and the world is out to hurt them, so they just want to protect them. Thinking about them the entire day makes them feel like they’re in love.
If you feel anything alike, it’s time to step back and reassess your thoughts. At some point, that person lived a life without you and they’re still safe and alive.
So, they don’t need you and you can keep the worries down. The less you think about them, the easier you get over the feelings.
40. Focus on the incompatibilities
To stop falling in love, you must forget about your commons and think about your clashing parts more.
For instance, they’re a homebody but you like to party… so you’ll hardly have a fun nightlife with them. They’re introverted, you’re extroverted… you’ll do all the talking if you were in a relationship.
You love spicy food, they can’t handle it… that’s another huge issue. If you think more about your clashing personalities and likes, you’ll eventually think less about them and find them less suitable for you.
41. Keep the phone calls and texts limited
If you don’t want to fall in love, don’t allow them to monopolize your phone. Don’t text or call them all the time even if you have fun talking with them.
Especially, don’t spend much time talking late at night as you’ll feel more vulnerable and feel you’re deeply and madly in love with them.
Even if they text you, unless it’s an emergency, don’t reply right away. If they call you, receive it and know the subject. If it’s nothing serious, hang up saying you’re busy.
42. Take a break from dating
In your case, if you don’t want to fall in love and have a relationship at all, then stop dating right away. Even if you date casually, this route can unexpectedly make you develop feelings for anyone.
Understand that dating is the early stage of a relationship, so romantic feelings can bud from it. If you don’t want anything serious right now but fall in love too easily, dating must be off-limits until you’re truly ready.
43. Don’t rush, anything
Suppose, you don’t want to fall in love with your date too quickly but want them to fall for you first. In this case, you must take the dating period slow and easy. Kissing, making out, hitting the hay… all of these needs to wait.
Romantic and affectionate physical contact boosts oxytocin and serotonin which makes you feel you’re in love and you feel good. When you crave these feel-good hormones, you naturally think you’re in love. So, don’t hurry the bases.
44. Figure out if it’s a pattern
Is this the first time that you feel you’re falling for someone you mustn’t or that you’re falling too fast? Try to think about your past experiences and understand if similar things happened before. Do you often think “Why does it always happen to me?”
It’s hard to answer this honestly, but try your best as it might help you out later. If yes, it might be a pattern and you must try to stop yourself in your tracks or ask someone to help you.
45. Seek a mental health expert
If you can’t control yourself and you don’t even listen to your friend’s warnings and eventually give in to the above-mentioned pattern, you need more serious attention because you might have deep-seated issues.
A mental health expert can help you get to the root of the problem and suggest ways to deal with your situation. Make sure you tell them honestly about your feelings and your history for better results.
46. Don’t let dating sites rule you
In this era, people are crazy about dating sites… you stay single for a few months and everyone will shame you for not having a partner. You show up on thanksgiving without a plus one and you’re a poor soul. You feel more convinced that dating sites will help you through such crises.
However, you mustn’t depend on dating sites to give you the time of your life. Most people on dating sites don’t want love… so, it’s better to not trust the apps and websites because you might find someone you can’t have but love deeply.
47. Don’t lose patience
You won’t get over that person in a day, week, or even a month… but that doesn’t mean they’re your destiny. You need more time and that’s okay. Never think that since you haven’t forgotten them in 6 weeks, they must be THE one.
This kind of thought is self-sabotaging… so, don’t give yourself these glimmers of hope when there is none in reality.
Be persistent and convince yourself you’ll get over it in no time. Cheer yourself on with a tub of ice cream or extra-large pizza to stay committed to your journey.
48. Be alert if they try to break your walls, knowingly
If you don’t want to fall in love with this person ever for whatever reasons, let them know so they don’t make any moves on you which might create misunderstandings.
However, if they still do it even after the warnings, most people think “Oh, that person must be really in love with me… maybe we can make it work.”
Welp, never make this mistake… instead, notice that they’re really self-centered, they don’t respect your thoughts, and probably want to break your walls as a challenge. So, steer clear!
49. Check in with yourself regularly
Every night, before you hit the bed, vent all the buzzing thoughts in your mind into a journal. Write down how you feel, what thoughts ran through your mind, what you did to tackle it, whether your method worked or not if you think there are other ways to deal with the situation.
Also note if any external factor triggered your feelings, what it was, whether you can avoid it, how you will avoid it, and if you can’t avoid it, how do you want to deal with it. The solution might be easier to find if you put it down on paper.
50. Don’t believe everything you see
While you’re wondering how to stop yourself from falling in love, if that person is a toxic ex, they might try to manipulate your feelings and confuse you.
If you hear that they changed directly from them, their loved ones, or felt they changed from something you saw on their social media… stop right there! It might be a trap to bring you back to their toxic life… so don’t believe anything too soon.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Your journey to stop yourself from falling in love is painful… so, I don’t expect you to learn the steps and apply them perfectly right away. However, I hope you’ll stay truthful to yourself and not try to find ways to delay the process.
Remember, the process doesn’t end with these. Even after this journey is over, you might have several doubts like “what if you’d have taken a different route”.
You need a lot of time to heal completely, so be dedicated and find your happiness ASAP!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...