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30 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive

30 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive

Updated on Sep 21, 2023

Reviewed by Katina Tarver, MA (Mental Health and Wellness Counseling) , Life & Relationship Coach

30 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive

If you are looking for signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive anymore, you’ve landed on the right page.

Our bodies change with time. We age, and our hormones don’t think twice before they decide to give us a hard time. Let’s face it, we tend to find ourselves becoming less attractive. But that’s not the problem, really. But it becomes a problem when the husband feels you are not that attractive anymore.

But how do you know that’s the case without being sure?

So, let’s explore some…

Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive

Did you pick up on those “iffy” signs lately? Do you think your husband has lost attraction towards you, even though he verbally reassures you often, that it’s not true? You want to believe him, but something feels off, right?

Let’s get to the bottom of this mystery. Here are 30 signs that can confirm that your husband does not find you attractive anymore…

1. Your sex life goes for a toss

You both haven’t had good sex in a long time, and by good we mean the intense, racy, saucy sexual encounters you enjoyed in the first year of your marriage.

Your husband rarely initiates any physical intimacy, and when he does, it just seems very obligatory and often leaves you unsatisfied.

If that is the case, then you are probably in a sexless marriage which definitely indicates your husband’s loss of physical attraction towards you.

2. The romance has gone out of the window

It sure does take a little effort to keep the romance alive after years of marriage. But what is a girl to do when her husband’s idea of romance is “a steady shower of compliments after a huge fight”. That is not romance, that is toxic behavior.

Breakfasts in bed, surprise bouquets of flowers, surprise dates – that’s what romance is. If your husband has put a stop to his “usual surprises,” then that’s a red flag.

You should worry more if he does not even reciprocate your romantic advances. He is probably losing interest or does not feel attracted to you at all.

3. Discuss serious matters only

There is literally no wholesome conversation between the two of you. You do not sit with each other and engage in meaningful conversation about your life, your love, or the good old memories!

Conversations between the two of you are just discussions about family expenses, bills, and probably taxes. He doesn’t even care about how you are or how your day went. That is a clear signal you should not miss!

4. He doesn’t actively participate in conversations

In a healthy conversation, both parties participate, listen intently and then express their opinions. If your husband just “listens” to what you have to say and does not share his opinion on any of the matters, chances are high that he might be just completely disinterested in you, and anything that concerns you – anything you say or do, is totally irrelevant for him.

5. He flirts with other women

Does your husband flirt with other women? Do you often catch him eyeing other women even if you are with him? Yes? That is definitely a red flag.

He is not attracted to you anymore and hence finds other women more attractive.

If your husband flirts with other women, it could be due to your deteriorating sex life, or due to regular conflicts.

So, if he doesn’t pay attention to you and doesn’t make you feel loved, even meaningless flirting shouldn’t be tolerated.

6. He barely spends time with you

Distance makes the heart go fonder, but it becomes a problem when the distance drives you farther away from each other.

If your husband doesn’t spend some quality time with you, this looming distance between you two will soon eat away your marriage.

If he doesn’t even bother to take you out for dinner or on a small drive – then your marriage might be in some serious trouble.

7. He no longer enjoys your company

If your husband went from being madly in love with you in the initial phase of your marriage to no longer spending time with you in a matter of time – that is a red flag!

There is nothing more heartbreaking than you wondering “is he the same man I married?” Even if they oblige to spend some “quality time” with you, it would feel like an imposition on him.

8. You’re more of a friend than a lover to him

It is a great idea to marry your friend – it leads to a healthy lifelong companionship. But it takes a little more than just friendship to keep the spark alive in your marriage.

If your husband behaves like a companion to you and does not really lust after you, he is no longer attracted to you.

9. He avoids intimacy at all costs

Any kind of physical affection is just as important as sex in a relationship. Physical affection like kissing, cuddling, holding hands and hugging shows that your partner is still attracted to you.

When was the last time your husband touched you in an intimate way? Do you think it was a long, long time ago? If yes, then your husband may not be attracted to you anymore.

10. He cannot look beyond his needs

When you love someone, it is natural that you would put their needs before your own. If you feel your husband now prefers to do things without the consideration of how you would feel about his decisions, he is not that into you anymore. This might make you feel unwanted and completely unimportant in his life.

When a husband loses his interest in his wife, he becomes very selfish with his needs and choices (day-to-day and life). If you are the selfless one and you make all the sacrifices, your husband is no longer attracted to you.

11. You both have forced conversations

When you are interested in someone, you put in a conscious effort to engage in a conversation with them.

If your husband does not pay attention or share his opinion, he just probably can’t wait for it to be over. Passive engagement in conversations is a clear sign of disinterest and lack of attraction to the other person.

It will get so awkward that even you would start to feel uncomfortable during the conversation.

12. He avoids talks about your future together

Some time ago, your husband was all about planning family dinners, vacations or buying a new house together or having a baby!

But now he barely speaks about holiday plans or weekend retreats. This definitely is a signal that he has lost interest in you and the marriage and wants something else out of his life. If that’s the case, it’s best to open up and discuss your feelings.

13. He has distanced himself from you

Do you feel disconnected or distant from your husband? Do you feel he keeps secrets from you and there is an invisible barrier or wall between you both? Emotional distance between the two of you could just be because he is too stressed.

But if he acts too distant and behaves rudely with you, that could be a sign that he is not attracted to you anymore. This emotional distance between the two of you can cause serious damage to your relationship.

14. He is no longer dependable

It’s hard enough to raise a family, go to work and deal with all of the responsibilities of life! Not being able to depend on your husband to share some of the responsibilities compounds that difficulty.

You probably had a flat tire and texted him to pick you up from work. He totally missed out on that and on top of it he is absolutely remorseless. Or perhaps you guys were short on some groceries you needed to make dinner. You requested him to pick them up from the grocery store and he just took off to hang out with his friends.

All the above scenarios only indicate utter ignorance for you and everything related to you. You want help from him, he is not available for you. This lack of reliability or dependability is due to the loss of attraction to his wife, you!

15. He prefers his hand over you

There was a time when pornography was not a part of most men’s everyday lives. Those days are long gone. Now even good men are tempted every day to click their way to pornography.

If you find your husband to enjoy himself with pornography rather than engage in actual sex with you, there is something very wrong between the two of you.

If he prefers to “pleasure” himself by watching porn and still not feel aroused to get in between the sheets with you, he definitely has no feelings for you, let alone attraction. You do not catch his attention anymore.

16. He is never jealous of other men

According to popular belief, jealousy is a sign of attraction and love. It is what makes people feel wanted when their partners get jealous.

Right amount of jealousy can actually spice up any relationship. If a man is jealous, it means he wants his partner to be with him forever and would not let anyone get close to her.

If you feel your husband remains unbothered if another man flirts with you, or it could only be because he just doesn’t care anymore. He has lost his attraction towards you and it doesn’t really bother him if you go after other men.

17. You are no mystery to him

Mystery goes a long way when it comes to relationships. Without some element of mystery, there is absolutely no element of curiosity.  

Uncertainty makes people wonder. It makes you think more about someone. In a marriage, however, too much knowledge equals boredom.

If your husband knows you too well, knows you in and out completely, and there is nothing left for him to discover about you – he will get bored. That boredom will make him feel less attracted to you sooner or later.

18. He’s bored of you

It’s normal for couples to move in and out of boredom at any point in a marriage. This boredom becomes a concern if one partner is excessively affected by it.

Do you ever feel that while you pour your heart out, your husband barely listens to you? Or even worse, he just leaves the room or engages himself in some other activity – right in front of you. Yes? That’s only because he has lost his interest in you.

19. He doesn’t share his thoughts and interests with you

Even if you have been married for a long time now, do you really think you know him that well? Does he share his thoughts and wishes with you? Do you know what his hobbies are, what intrigues his interest the most?

One fine day you find him speaking in French with someone you met at a café! You would wonder “How did that happen”. You certainly did not know that he was interested in the language or was even taking lessons to learn it.

If he blocks you out, does not share his interests or thoughts or his dreams and goals in life, then it’s a clear sign that your husband is no longer attracted to you.

20. Fights over trivial issues

Arguments over “nothing” is a common relationship problem. But it is unnatural for couples to fight over trivial issues all the time. Does it feel like your husband jumps at every opportunity to fight with you?

For example, you cook a nice chicken dinner and he goes “didn’t we have that this weekend” or “You always cook the same thing. I’ll order something for myself.” If he continues to brood and pass rude comments over the same issue over and over again, he just wants to fight with you.

This majorly happens when he just cannot stand you at all. There is no attraction at all. Also, he just feels too much bothered by you now. It’ll be better to address these issues right now before they get any worse.

21. He looks at his cell phone more than he looks at you

It’s a sad but true fact that we are always on our phones. Our lives are literally run by these little gadgets. It is the new normal to be stuck to our phone screens most of the time.

But if someone (in this case your husband) is glued to his phone screen at the dinner table, during conversations or even while you are out on a date, that can raise concerns about his interest in you.

22. There’s zero compliments from his side

When people love someone, or they are attracted to someone, they would make it a point to compliment the other person for who they are, how they look or even what they do. But when the attraction to his wife starts to dwindle, there would be no compliments from the husband’s side.

Even if he at all manages to get a word of praise and encouragement out for the wife, it will definitely be a forced one and not genuine at all.

Does it sound like your story? It’s time to get up and address this lack of attraction for you.

23. Your intuitions say something is off

You have this strong intuitive feeling that something is not right in your marriage and you’re wondering if your gut feeling is correct. Your gut instinct is something you’re born with. And this means that no one has to tell you to worry or fear something – it’s just you.

If you sense that something is off with your husband or something is wrong with your marriage, you should listen to it.

Things can be as subtle as an awkward kiss or hug, or expressionless stares – pick up on those subtle hints and try to understand why your husband has lost attraction towards you.

24. He prefers to spend more time with his friends

Your husband prefers to spend a lot of time with his friends. He doesn’t even bother to check with you if you would be interested to go out with him. He values his leisure time and thinks it is a judicious decision to spend it on fun activities with his buddies and not you.

If this is the case, that is a big red flag right in front of you. You hold no value in his life anymore. He thinks it will be a waste if he spends his time off with you. As hurtful as it may get, you are no longer attractive to your husband.

25. He blames you for everything

The alarm sirens go off as soon as the blame game starts. If your husband is no longer attracted to you, he will find excuses to blame you for everything. These blames are just a coverup to justify his lack of attraction for you.

If he isn’t really helpful around the house but makes sure to blame you for the mess, that’s the sign right there. You want to ignore it but you can’t.

In a healthy marriage, people do not blame the other spouse for random things. Instead, they work together to fix issues. That clearly isn’t the case in your marriage.

26. Your appearance does not appeal him anymore

With time, our bodies go through a myriad of changes. Hormones, age, and parenthood completely change our bodies, often for the worse.

Remember, a good husband loves their wife beyond the looks.

If your husband does not find you physically attractive anymore and has made derogatory comments about the way you look or dress, he definitely doesn’t love you at all. His attraction for you was only superficial. His feelings were, however, hollow!

27. He calls you with names

Along with derogatory comments on your appearance, if you feel that your husband has started to call you names (such as dumbhead, fat, ugly, or something even worse) it is a serious situation, and it needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

Verbal abuses from your husband mean as if he has no respect for you in any manner and cannot hold back his dislike for you. His lack of attraction for you manifests itself in the form of derogatory remarks and verbal abuses.

28. He doesn’t check in with you throughout the day

If your husband does not check with you throughout the day, is unbothered about your whereabouts or how you are – anything related to you, he is simply uninterested in you.

He feels no attraction to even bother about your well-being anymore.

29. Avoids all possibilities of being seen with you in public

If your husband is not attracted to you, he will avoid being seen with you in public. He mostly feels embarrassed to be with you now.

This makes him feel insecure and unhappy, and he withdraws himself from social life.

30. You feel he just can’t wait for you to leave

You don’t feel unwanted in his life. He makes you feel embarrassed to be yourself. Do you think he may be cheating on you with someone else?

Chances are high that because he is so unattracted to you, he just wants to get rid of you from his life for good. He doesn’t want you around and wants to end this marriage.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

If your husband is showing several of the signs listed above, you have every right to be concerned. But you shouldn’t really jump to conclusions. It is important to remember that sometimes we get comfortable in our marriage and maybe give off messages we do not mean to.

So, you should speak to your husband first before you start to presume anything.

Miscommunication can create tension and relationship problems. The best way to figure out if your partner still feels attracted to you is by simply talking to him.

Are you interested to know more about ‘Signs Your Separated Husband Wants You Back’ then click here?