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What is Unicorn Hunting? Everything You Should Know About It

What is Unicorn Hunting? Everything You Should Know About It

Updated on Sep 29, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Unicorn Hunting - Meaning, How To Approach, Myths, Facts and More

Interested in unicorn hunting? Wanna add a third person to your relationship for fun? Or, do you wanna be the third person in someone else’s relationship?

Before you begin your sexy bedtime fun, you must dig deep into it.  

There are too many absurd myths about unicorns and cruel facts about unicorn hunting. So, I’m glad you reached out before working on your instincts. 

In this think piece, you’ll find everything about the dark side of unicorn hunting. But don’t worry, it’s totally possible to try if you follow some restrictions. 

Learn to enjoy the experience beyond the hunt respectfully.

Can’t wait to have fun? Come on, let’s start from the basics here…

Unicorn Hunting Infographics

Unicorn Hunting - Reasons Why Unicorn Hunting is not Polyamory & How to Approach It
Unicorn Hunting – Reasons Why Unicorn Hunting is not Polyamory & How to Approach It
Things You Should Know If You Want To Become a Unicorn & How to Be a Sex Unicorn
Things You Should Know If You Want To Become a Unicorn & How to Be a Sex Unicorn

What is Unicorn?

A unicorn is the third person couples add to their relationship for sexual or romantic fun. People assume unicorns are bisexual women, but depending on desires, anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can be a unicorn.

In relationships, the third-wheelers who join the couple for sensual fun or romance are called unicorns.

A couple might add a unicorn to their relationship to explore non-monogamy, sexual relationships, or even romance (polyamory).

Usually, the term unicorn refers to a bisexual person, i.e., if they join a male-female couple.

But the sexuality of unicorns is no longer constricted. Currently, a unicorn can be anyone of any sexuality.

And of course, this unicorn is not connected with fantasy-world unicorns – the white horse with a single horn. They use this term because like the mythical creature, relationship unicorns are hard to find.

Wondering the reason behind adding a unicorn in a relationship?  Let’s know it over here…

Why do some couples want to find a unicorn?

There are vast reasons behind finding a unicorn. From curiosity about threesome and adding fun, to giving a shot to polyamory or throuple. Some even try it to familiarize themselves with a unicorn and test their feelings.

Every couple seeking a unicorn to join their relationship has their own reasons. There might be more reasons than we can imagine.

They might try a threesome for once out of curiosity and the fuss over ethical non-monogamy.

Or, they might bring in a permanent change in their relationship dynamic. It might be only for sex or there might be a romantic connection, i.e., polyamory or throuple.

It also depends on the unicorn’s needs.

Sometimes long-term relationships feel boring. So, it might be because the couple wants to make the relationship more playful and naughty.

Couples might also seek a unicorn because they want to know them well before leading them to the bed.

The pair might feel uncomfortable with a sexual relationship with a stranger, so they take time to familiarize themselves.

Wondering if there’s a term for this search? There sure is… and that’s what we’ll know about here…

What is Unicorn Hunting?

Generally, a straight couple’s (may not be straight) search for a third person (usually bi woman, but can be anyone) to join their relationship is called unicorn hunting. LGBTQ+ and poly community doesn’t support it because of objectification.

Traditionally, a male-female couple searching for a bisexual woman to join their relationship is called unicorn hunting.

Currently, the gender and sexuality of the couple or the unicorn has become flexible.

It’s usually a permanent relationship change, nothing like a one-night stand or no-strings-attached arrangement… where the partner might change.

The couple and the unicorn comprise the triad to have group sex. However, couples generally seek a single bisexual woman (biologically female)… who finds both partners of the couple equally attractive enough to have sex.

The couple is called unicorn-hunter… it’s rather an offensive term used to imply a selfish couple who only wants to meet their sexual desires.

The polyamory community doesn’t approve of such terms because it objectifies bisexual women and promotes their fetishization.

Due to many couples’ rude demands, “unicorns” need to negotiate a lot. If the couple isn’t understanding, the “unicorns” leave… making them all the more rarer.

Wondering why the poly community has a beef with the unicorn scenario? Well, it’s time to dig out reality here…

Is Unicorn Hunting Dangerous?

Unicorn hunting is dangerous because couples objectify, fetishize, and demand too much from unicorns. They don’t prioritize the unicorn and refuse them equal rights. It’s also a way men realize their twisted desires without sharing their women.

Unicorn hunters have crazy demands that are quite disrespectful to the unicorn.

They want the unicorn to be romantically and sexually exclusive to the couple. They demand the unicorn not have any other romantic or sexual interest of their free will other than the couple.

They hope that a unicorn experiences equal attraction to both and must only ever have group sex. However, the couples don’t validate or accept the unicorns’ presence in the relationship.

The couples always prioritize their primary relationship. Even after adding the unicorn to the relationship, they want to “protect” their primary relationship. They won’t let the unicorn intervene.

The unicorn is on the losing side in many other ways. The poly community finds it a cliché how straight couples seek unicorns more nowadays.

Obviously, due to the bizarre fetishization of unicorns, hardly any straight pairs had successful arrangements with a unicorn.

Moreover, many couples break up after such arrangements. Poly people feel that this is a selfish tactic of straight men to sleep with other women… without sharing their women with other men.

Pondering on unicorn hunting? Wait until you know more about these…

What you must know before getting into Unicorn Hunting?

A threesome might sound exotic and attractive. However, communicate well before beginning it. Be very sure you or your partner doesn’t feel forced or threatened by a threesome.

Threesomes are on many monogamous people’s sex bucket lists. However, it complicates the relationship because partners feel insecure seeing one another get pleasure from others.

They doubt whether they can sexually satisfy their partner… whether their partner will love the third person more. No couple steps into such uncertain murky waters knowingly.

Polyamorous relationships are all about equal love, care, and respect towards all parties. However, the heart doesn’t follow rules.

So, what if your partner feels more attracted to someone else and you get less attention?

What if your partner doesn’t like the arrangement anymore, breaks up with you, and gets in a monogamous relationship with the unicorn?

Polyamorous relationships and threesomes are cool for many. But are they suitable for you?

You can only find out with honest and open communication. If you don’t want a unicorn in your relationship, don’t consider unicorn hunting… even jokingly.

Are you a unicorn? Looking for a unicorn hunting couple? Well, let’s know it here…

How do you spot a unicorn hunter?

On dating apps, look for a very clear and descriptive bio about a unicorn hunting couple. Steer clear if the profile confuses you because you don’t have that much time.

Spotting a unicorn hunter is quite tough. On dating apps, many people try deceiving unicorns with mostly female pictures and very less pictures of the male.

LGBTQ+ and bisexual women looking for more honest profiles that seek unicorns. They check for terms like “couple seeking a third”, “looking for a 🦄”, or “M+F”.

Are you seeking a unicorn? Wanna join the hunt? Come on, let’s begin the journey…

How to approach unicorn hunting?

Though many people look down on unicorn hunting, it’ll be great if you do it right. If you reach out with honesty and a clear mind, take your time to understand your feelings, and rule everyone fairly, this won’t be a bad quest.

So, let’s get down to your mission here…

1. Choose a proper route

Online dating apps are the best platform for unicorn hunting. You can’t go too far if you seek through your connections.

Imagine asking your friend whether they know any bisexual woman interested in threesomes = awkward silence + possible misunderstandings + refusal + a distant friend.

It’s best to keep your private needs to yourself. Everyone is not as open and it’s okay to not share everything with friends and family.

2. Be obvious about the situation and your needs

Be honest and clear that you’re a couple. Else, the unicorns will never swipe you right.

Add it in your bio, relationship status, or write “couple” or “M+F” in your gender. Make sure you put both of your pictures out there.

Else, this will attract the wrong kinds of people and delay your fun.

What kind of relationship are you seeking? Sexual-only relationship? Or, both sex and romance? Are you looking for a person with a vagina or a penis?

You won’t get enough space to express it all in detail. So, make sure you put in the right details to avoid confusion.

3. Chat with the unicorn honestly

When you find someone on the dating app, be very transparent about your needs. Your dating profile isn’t enough to convey your needs. Make sure you express what you’re seeking via texts.

What kind of dynamics do you want in your relationship, what will be the position of the unicorn in your relationship, and other factors?

Don’t expect the unicorn to agree to all of your needs. The unicorn has their own rights too. Take this further only if you’re sure your needs are fitting. 

If any party accepts an arrangement unwillingly, this won’t be much fun. If you’re seeking polyamorous people, this is very crucial. This is the best time to decide your boundaries.

4. Meet in person to familiarize

Before you add the unicorn to your sex life or romance, it’s best to start off as friends. This may sound weird because you found them on a dating app… so your intentions are a given, right?

Well, this is to ensure you all share a good vibe and feel comfortable with one another. Whether you want a threesome or a poly relationship, this is a good way to know one another.

Online personas are different from real-life ones. So, there’s always a chance it won’t work out. Instead of an upsetting attempt in the bed, figure it out with your guts in a meeting.

5. Don’t forget to rule with equality

A unicorn isn’t a live pleasurable device. In your threesome, make it a point to please everyone. Just as you don’t want your partner and the unicorn to only pleasure one another… the unicorn feels the same.

Even if it’s a poly relationship, all of you deserve equal love and time from one another.

Don’t focus your attention only on your primary partner. Everyone’s happiness is important in such arrangements, otherwise, resentments arise.

Before you begin your hunt, also get some facts clear and bust some myths from here…

Myths & Facts about Unicorn Hunting

There are too many myths about unicorns out there along with the facts. If you feel confused about them, I don’t blame you. However, before you seek a unicorn, get your facts straight.

Don’t assume something random and be a douchebag to a complete stranger. Unicorns already face many stereotypes, so let’s clear it all here…

Myth 1: Bisexual women are unicorns, so they’re supernatural sex machines

Many straight couples dehumanize unicorns starting with the name. “Since they’re “unicorns”, they must be something magical and exist for straight couples’ pleasure”.

NO! It’s never like that… how do people objectify another person? How is it any less than slavery or misogyny? That’s objectification and fetishization of bi-women.

Obviously, the media and porn are somewhat responsible for such thought processes… however, do those people let the media feed them everything? It’s because they want to believe it.

Bisexual women or people of any other gender and sexuality willing to be a unicorn… it doesn’t make them sex machines!

Myth 2: All bisexual women want threesomes

Some bisexual women do like threesomes, but not all. Every individual is unique and has their individual choices when it comes to having sex.

Does every straight woman want a threesome with two men? Does every straight man want to sleep with two women at once?

It’s possible but it’s not mandatory… the same goes for bi women.

On dating apps, bi-women experience manipulation to join threesomes. Moreover, they might give in to it once for curiosity… but don’t assume they love it.

Expect them to say yes, but don’t coerce them.

Myth 3: Unicorn hunting shaming is disrespect toward the poly community

Polyamory and unicorn hunting isn’t the same thing. Polyamory is based on equality for attention, love, care, and responsibility. Think again about what unicorn hunting usually means.

Unicorn hunters work more on selfish desires. It’s about their relationship, their pleasure, and they won’t even spend one-to-one time with the unicorn.

Where does the unicorn feel treasured in this dynamic? So, if anyone says unicorn hunting is mean, it has nothing to do with the poly community.

Myth 4: Unicorn will save your love life

A threesome or a third party in your relationship won’t magically change your love life. It might be a great sexual experience if you already have a healthy relationship.

If your relationship is crumbling, unicorn addition will be the last blow to end things… not the superglue to fix it.

Ponder on your aim for finding a unicorn. If it’s to fix a fragile relationship, stop that as it won’t work.  If your relationship is perfectly fine and you still want it, that’s a good sign.

Myth 5: You won’t feel jealous

Some people think that their primary partner won’t feel jealous if they have fun together. Jealousy doesn’t work that way.

Even if you have a threesome and your partner enjoys it… they might feel jealous. So, decide beforehand, if your partner feels jealous, will you call off the arrangement?

If you guys didn’t decide or think this far, put a hold on your search. You aren’t ready for unicorn hunting if you never thought about jealousy and resentment.

Fact 1: Lack of transparency is a major problem in unicorn hunting

Many men use their girlfriend’s profile to seek bisexual women. They pose as a girl in an open relationship with her man.

This online persona flirts with the bi woman, wants to meet up, and then asks if they can have a threesome.

In this situation, the third person entered the relationship for one-on-one fun… not a threesome.

After declining such an offer, those women always hear crude remarks. She feels played and disrespected.

The couple also can’t find their unicorn because of their sketchy ways.

Fact 2: Most unicorn hunters are unsuccessful

Unicorn hunters have unrealistic expectations. They feel that bisexual women who want a threesome are everywhere. However, there are too many unicorn hunters out there compared to the unicorns.

Moreover, the bizarre demands of couples make it harder to find them the perfect unicorn. That’s why they’re so rare and the unicorn name still “fits” them.

Since the chances are so low even if you’re transparent, it’s better to not indulge in this. Don’t seek a unicorn, instead seek a poly partner.

Fact 3: You can avoid online dating traps better

Due to the popularity of unicorn hunting, bi and homosexual women are more aware of traps.

For instance, setting boundaries earlier in the conversation, stating your needs and expectations when you start chatting and avoiding profiles with unclear bio… all of these are a few preventive steps.

You may also add to your bio if you’re particularly looking for threesomes or you’re not into threesomes. It makes everything more transparent with very less effort at communication.

Fact 4: Unicorns are humans and have equal needs

Some people assume that a unicorn is an outsider in the relationship… so they focus on their primary whether it’s simple dating or sex.  

Well, unicorns are no less than a human and need equal attention from a couple. They aren’t an object you may use and get rid of.

Fact 5: Without communication in your primary relationship, it’s a disaster

Before you begin the hunt, think about whether you’re forcing your partner into it. Do they want it equally? Make sure your partner wants it with honest and transparent communication.

If you both want it, make sure to discuss what kind of relationship you desire. Is it romantic or sexual? Seek a unicorn with similar desires.

If it’s one-time, then have an unattached threesome and review your feelings. Make sure either of you doesn’t break down emotionally after the threesome. Else your relationship might soon meet its demise.

On the other hand, if you guys want polyamory, research online to understand the benefits and drawbacks. Focus on the realistic side to make it work.

Already found your unicorn? Wondering what your relationship is called now? Well, get your answer here…

What is Unicorn Polyamory?

The relationship dynamic when a committed couple adds another person to the relationship is called unicorn polyamory. Unicorns don’t get equal rights and freedom in unicorn polyamory like other polyamorous relationships.

Unicorn polyamory implies when two people committed to one another add another person to the relationship.

This is usually the arrangement between a hetero or straight couple with a bisexual female. But gender and sexual orientations are no longer a factor. 

Unlike regular polyamorous relationships, a unicorn doesn’t get equal rights in the relationship. There are unhealthy power dynamics in the relationship.

Though it’s called unicorn polyamory, it’s not really close to poly. Wondering why? Find out the secrets from here…

Reasons why Unicorn Hunting is not Polyamory

The poly community was always skeptical about unicorn hunting… right from the naming, down to the dynamics.

They always stood against it because many people in the poly community found themselves prey to sketchy people. Let’s know how it differs here…

1. It dehumanizes bi women

Women always faced objectification and sexualization from the old times. Bisexual women face even more objectification and struggles in their lives because of stereotyping and myths.

In unicorn hunting, couples treat the bi woman as a sex-machine. Moreover, even if they treat them right, the expectation that a bi woman is ready to have sex with two people at the same time is insulting.

The toxicity began with the media portraying two women and a man as a triad. All of these promote bi-erasure. Polyamory thrives on respect; these toxic concepts don’t work.

2. It’s for men’s pleasure

Ask men to picture a threesome and most of them will think of sleeping with two women. How many men imagine a threesome between two men and one woman? 

In a way, it promotes homophobia against men too. In that sense, bisexual men face more social barriers because hardly any couple desires the willing bisexual male unicorns.

Most couples idealize a female unicorn and bar the realistic concepts of love and sex.

Polyamory, on the other hand, allows you to have a partner of your choice. Males don’t force females to date other females.

3. There are unhealthy power dynamics

If a couple prioritizes their desires over the unicorns, they’re promoting couples’ privilege.

In unicorn polyamory or triads, couples usually force their boundaries on the unicorn… but don’t pay much attention to the unicorn’s needs.

The ex-monogamous couple mainly focuses on one another because that’s their normal. They are two people on one side and they force it on the unicorn.

If the unicorn feels attached to both partners, they accept their demands and continue a dissatisfying relationship.

Unicorns might also feel unsafe going against two people at once and keep mum.

In polyamory, partners have an equal say and there is a lesser power play.

4. It supports misogyny and sexism

A male ego is a fragile object so whether it’s ethical non monogamy or not, a woman sleeping with two men is a slut. But a man sleeping with two women is a stud.

The men in unicorn polyamory are way more privileged. They don’t face emotional trauma or doubts about their women sleeping with another man.

They don’t feel anxious about their woman falling for another… it’s the women’s responsibility.

It restricts two women’s pleasure to one man… why? They don’t allow the women to have sex with others… this is never the case in polyamory, which leads us to the next part.

5. It abuses polyfidelity

Polyfidelity is when partners in a polycule are romantically and/or sexually exclusive to one another. They don’t open relationships with other partners.

In unicorn polyamory, the couple restricts the unicorn’s sexual relationships to themselves. Most couples clearly don’t allow unicorns equal status in the relationship.

The unicorn doesn’t receive the love of the desirable form… but they must stay loyal. That’s in no form okay and they might experience major emotional damage.

It’s like the couple owns the unicorn… which isn’t a polyamory thingy.

6. It promotes transphobia

Poly people don’t tolerate transphobia. However, in unicorn hunting, most people look for someone who’s a female since birth and still identifies as one.

They have preferences and that’s cool… but since they have an untold stigma against transgenders, they have no place in the poly community.

Most unicorn hunters are low-key transphobes who deny the gender spectrum.

They have this hush-hush rule that each unicorn polyamory must have one penis and two vaginas. And all women have vaginas and men have penises.

7. It’s unethical

Polyamory is a subpart of the ethical non-monogamy umbrella. It depends on honesty, consent, and ethics. Unicorn hunting is unethical… why?

Most straight couples out there seeking unicorn polyamory have one manipulative male who wants to keep the goods (two females) to themselves and one female who gives in to sustain the relationship.

They’re never honest about their feelings.

8. It’s all about selfish desires

Couples try unicorn hunting or threesome to spice their bland relationship or to save a marriage.

Though that never works out, they’ll rather include a new person and make them responsible for the inevitable breakup.

It puts an unimaginable amount of pressure on the unicorn. That’s too twisted and selfish of the couples. This isn’t okay and polyamory doesn’t support this.

Do you still wanna be a unicorn despite knowing all that? It’s your life, so I don’t mind sharing some info here…

What if you want to become a unicorn? – Things you should know

If you wanna get into unicorn polyamory, better do it correctly. There are way too many traps and drawbacks so know more about how to protect yourself throughout this journey. These can help you make your experience smoother…

1. You are barred from emotional attachment.

They’re probably not open to that point. They only need someone to have fun with for some time. They can’t satisfy you emotionally.

2. You’re only for a sexual purpose

They already have one another. Possibly, their relationship isn’t going well or they want something exotic in life.

That’s why they added you to the mix. They won’t expect you to love them or love you back.

3. You might not have equal rights

Not mostly but often, it’s like they hired you without wages. They might think you’re inferior to them and they won’t treat you like an equal. They might consider it if you discuss it with them.

4. You must set your own boundaries

For all kinds of non-monogamy, boundary setting is important. You must bring up this topic, don’t wait for them to initiate it. Be very frank and open about what’s on and off your table.

5. Don’t stay if they argue

If they have heated conversations, know that things aren’t quite okay with this couple. You might push yourself to potential danger if you sleep with an unsure couple.

They might fight about having you around. Or, the dissatisfied partner might pick indirect fights because of your presence. You never know what will happen next.

6. Don’t let them use you

You can’t fix a broken relationship. If you feel it’s not a happy relationship or if they mention anything about fixing their relationship with fun… run for the hills.

Also, notice if anybody is using you as a bargaining chip. Steer clear from such toxic situations.

If you’re a female, is the male in the relationship threatening their partner? Perhaps, they intend to break up with them if they don’t allow you in the mix?

Or, is the female threatening the male for something in return for the threesome?

7. Don’t be their secret keeper

If either of them wants to let you know a secret whether it’s about their relationship, partner, or something else… decline that. If the two of them don’t treat you equally, this might bite you back later.

They might hold you responsible if word goes out about this secret. The other partner might accuse you of stealing their primary partner. Things might get messy so stride carefully.

8. Unicorns don’t need to be exclusive

This couple wants you for fun or as a fixer. They possibly don’t love you romantically or emotionally.

Will you forget about your emotional needs? Definitely not! Rather, be upfront that you won’t be exclusive to them.

9. Brace yourself for the end

When couples have their share of fun and feel content, they’ll end this unicorn polyamory arrangement.

They’ll have it on their mind for a long time and discuss it between themselves. But you might not be a part of this discussion in any way.

They might be inconsiderate or not know how things work… and one fine day sends you a text that it’s over. You might feel used but that’s how it is.

10. You have the right to leave any moment

If you don’t have any major reasons but feel bored… leave. No point forcing yourself into staying back.

Whether they want it or not, you don’t need to be that considerate either. They can’t stop you so don’t bother.

Can’t wait to be the unicorn? Pave your way with this…

How to be a sex unicorn?

Like any non-monogamous relationship, being a sex unicorn in another’s relationship comes with some rules. Help yourself coordinate with your unicorn hunters. Make sure you follow these simple steps and enjoy your arrangement to the best…

1. Be clear about your boundaries

From the beginning to the end, you’re alone in this relationship. The pair will have one another standing by their side. So, do everything to feel comfortable.

State which sexual actions aren’t your type, which you want to do, and which you may try out. If they don’t respect your boundaries don’t waste your time.

If they try negotiating, don’t let them manipulate you into something you detest. You have your free will so don’t work on whims. Mentally judge how they handle the situations.

2. Ask them to discuss everyone’s boundaries together

If there are rules in the arrangement, like they won’t kiss you or anything about their boundaries… ask them to let you stay during the discussions.

Suppose they unilaterally decided they won’t kiss you. During sex, you reach out to kiss them and they reject you. That’s possibly a complete turn-off for many.

If you know from before, at least you won’t make a pass on them. You’ll save yourself from the hurtful rejection. You may also object to some rules. Discussing together will also help that.

3. Stand your grounds if they pressure you

If they, by any means, try to manipulate you or influence your boundaries, don’t!

This kind of relationship isn’t about love. They won’t love you back… but if they ask you to love them, don’t sign this unfair deal.

This isn’t all about them. You don’t owe them anything. You are your own person and they don’t own you. Keep that in mind and decide for yourself.

4. Ask for one-to-one relationships

Ask each of them to have individual relationships with you. For instance, demand for a sexual relationship even without threesomes. 

Since you’re only in it for sex and fun, always depending on them as a couple will be troublesome.

Suppose, the couple is having conflicts, they possibly won’t have threesomes during then. If you sometimes have sex with only one, you won’t lose out on the one-to-one sexual fun.

5. Don’t assume or expect, rather demand

Respect, importance, space, sexual satisfaction, STI status… whatever it is, don’t assume that the couple will give it to you. If you need something, speak out.

The couple might be too busy to notice your needs, so you either be verbal or lose your chance.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Unicorn hunting isn’t an easy task for the hunters or the unicorn themselves. Finding a perfect pair for a unicorn or a perfect unicorn from a couple… both are challenging tasks.

Mostly, it’s because people aren’t open and honest in their search. Sometimes, people have way too many expectations from the unicorn. They feel disappointed when they don’t find someone befitting. 

Always, be more descriptive in your dating profiles and treat one another as humans, respectfully and delicately.

Being a unicorn, if you ever face discrimination, abuse, or emotional distress in the triad, call it quits, make sure you have a beautiful experience, not a stressful one.

Are you interested to know more about ‘Cuddle Buddy Rules’ then click here?