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What is a Polyamorous Relationship? Everything you need to know.

What is a Polyamorous Relationship? Everything you need to know.

Updated on May 27, 2022

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Polyamorous Relationship Know What is Polyamory & Poly Relationship

Are you curious about polyamorous relationships? Perhaps you came across a polyamorous family which awakened your curiosity.

Or, do you feel that you’re polyamorous because you harbor romantic feelings for more than one person simultaneously? Perchance, you’re too shy to open up about your situation and came across this term.

You fear that nobody will understand your situation, so you decided to keep this to yourself and give into monogamy because you have no options…

However, the urge to be yourself and find happiness is beyond society’s judgment.

Let me tell you one thing for real: people may question your choices not because you’re alone in it but because people aren’t aware of it.

So, before you make any more assumptions, let’s dive straight in and first understand.

Polyamorous Relationship Infographic

Polyamorous Relationship - Know What is Polyamory & Poly Relationship
Polyamorous Relationship – Know What is Polyamory & Poly Relationship

What is polyamory?

Polyamory is the safe practice of loving multiple people at once with each other’s consent and without any contractual binds.

Polyamory is an open, non-controlling, ethical, and reliable philosophy where partners love multiple people altogether.

People who are polyamorous honestly choose the number of intimate or romantic partners they want to engage with rather than accepting society’s stand of involvement with one romantic partner at once.

Polyamorous people have open relationships and they might involve people with varying sexuality – bisexual, heterosexual, or homosexual. The combination depends on the relationships and the partners’ choice.

When polyamorous people decide to live, plan a family, or legally accept only one person, that person is the primary partner. Only one person can be the primary partner. But this is not a compulsory practice in this culture.

Whereas, secondary partners do not get the same privilege yet are equally important. Also, there can be multiple secondary partners.

Once you learn what polyamory includes, you might confuse it with other relationships, so learn…

What Polyamory is NOT?

Polyamory is not an excuse for cheating. It’s nothing like polygamy as marriage isn’t compulsory. It’s not an “open relationship” or “partner swapping”.

Polyamory requires emotional, physical, and romantic bonding, consent, and honesty to all partners.

Unlike non-monogamous relationships, polyamory needs consenting partners and communication.

Polyamory isn’t the same as polygamy with multiple people involved in a marriage. So, polyamorous partners might not be married as they reject such binding norms of having one partner.

Polyamory isn’t the same as swinging where you and your partner might engage in a casual sexual relationship with other couples.

It is nothing like an open relationship so you or your partner don’t consent to engage with other people without giving the other any info on their new partners, however, you definitely have that option.

Mostly, polyamorous people share details about their new partners and then engage with one another. Nobody hides anything from each other which further strengthens their bond.

If you’re curious about the beginning of this concept in history, move on to…

Where does polyamorous come from?

Polyamory means Poly (Greek: multiple); Amor (Latin: love) from Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart’s A Bouquet of Lovers.

As per the Macmillian dictionary, polyamory is a merge of a Greek word poly which implies many or more than one, and a Latin word amor which implies love.

But, this term gained popularity in 1990, when Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, a US poet, used the word in her piece A Bouquet of Lovers.

Since the term did not have a proper meaning back then, it is said that almost a decade later Oxford English Dictionary’s editor asked her to define the word in 1999, and that’s how it all started.

Now that you know what is polyamory and what it is not, let me tell you the ground that it stands on.

Key Values of Poly relationship

If you think having multiple partners in polyamory makes it easy for them, you couldn’t be more wrong. They all have legitimate feelings for each other so it isn’t to manage a polyamorous relationship without these…

1. Faith

People who practice polyamory do not support hiding any fact about their romantic or sexual interest from any partners. You must share every minute detail with each other…. This practice helps develop trust and faith in each other.

You must also practice safe sex so that none of the partners are infected of any diseases because of their lifestyle. This shows how the partners prioritize emotional bonds over sexual connections.

Polyamorous partners believe in keeping promises as they value harmony amidst their romantic relationships.

2. Communication

Some people may think that a polyamorous relationship is great when you want variety in your sexual life…

If you also think so, it’s possibly because you still have left to learn.

Polyamory is a far more intimate relationship as partners communicate with each other in an honest manner. You must be frank and express yourself more frequently if you want to strengthen the bonds.

You must also communicate about your feelings and that’s another way to keep this multiple-people relationship healthy – emotionally and mentally.

Although polyamorous people have many intimate relationships, you can’t be hush-hush about it. Most polyamorous people respect their partner’s opinion about their new partner.

If you’re dissatisfied with your partner’s new partner, discuss it with your partner and find a middle ground. Try understanding each other’s issues before you begin a new relationship.

Also, you can be quite frank about your existing committed relationship with the new partner. Everyone in polyamory knows about everyone’s romantic or sexual interests.

4. Mutual Respect

A lot of people in a relationship will definitely bring more possibilities of dissatisfaction.

Well, the last pillar of a polygamous relationship is mutual respect. You must always respect each other’s feelings on every matter.

Whether it’s a primary partner or secondary partner(s), respect for each other will always keep you knitted to each other.

Even if you don’t involve yourself with your partner’s partners, you must still respect them.

If you think all polyamorous relationships are the same, then let me introduce you to some types.

Polyamorous relationship types

A polyamory relationship might include throuple, quad, polycule, kitchen table polyamory, parallel polyamory, or solo polyamory.

Polyamory might include two people who practice other relationships out of their own with each other’s consent, but the number of people in their relationship might change.

They might also have more than one relationship outside.

Here’s how your type of relationship can vary in polyamory…

1. Throuple

As the name suggests, three people are in a relationship but all of them might not harbor romantic feelings towards each other. One of them might see the other two romantically and that’s still a Throuple or a triad.

2. Quad

Similarly, if there are four people in the relationship, you call it a quad. Usually, two different couples decide to engage in a romantic relationship with one from the other couple.

But involving romantically and sexually with all of them at once is also possible. It all comes down to consent and mutual respect.

3. Polycule

This is an example of a chain of romantic relationships. You involve yourself with your primary partner, the secondary partner of your primary partner, and again their primary partner.

It doesn’t have a limit, so you can keep increasing the chain.

4. Kitchen Table Polyamory

The kitchen table reminds you of a family, and that’s how this one works. It consists of multiple people who know each other very well (like family), and during meals, or special occasions, they all come together to share happiness.

It is a very closely-knitted polyamorous relationship where everyone is precious to the other.

5. Parallel Polyamory

In parallel polyamory, you both have multiple partners, but neither of you shows much interest in the other’s romantic or sexual relationships. This is quite the opposite of the Kitchen Table Polyamory.

6. Solo Polyamory

If you don’t believe in social standards like marriage and legal bindings, but follow polyamory, then you might choose solo polyamory.

You don’t require any contractual binding, roof sharing, or financial support in solo polyamory.

You know the definition, key values and also the types… so, what about the

Advantages of Polyamorous Relationships

Many people are showing interest in polyamory and there are even dating sites for them. Polyamory can be extremely gratifying and bring you multiple advantages like…

1. You’ll find abundant love

You’ll be able to fulfill all your emotional, mental, spiritual, or even physical desires.

In a monogamous relationship, your partner might not always understand you or support you because you both are unique.

Whereas in polyamory, there are high chances your partners will cover all emotional bases collectively.

So even when one cannot support you, the other will and you’ll always have a shoulder to lean on.

2. You’ll be more accepting of others’ needs

In monogamy, you’ll observe people treat love like property.

You can’t look at another person even if they attract you and neither can you talk about it with your partner because they’ll slander you from cheating. Polyamory teaches you to love everyone equally.

Also, unlike monogamy, polyamory gives you the independence of expressing your true self which is much healthier than suppressing yourself.

Everyone is aware of each other’s desires and nobody feels insecure or fears losing one another. Polyamorous people do not see love as a commodity.

3. You’re more transparent in polyamory

Polyamorous people have some clear ground rules which monogamous people don’t mention in their relationships.

You must state what you’re comfortable with and what you won’t tolerate in this setting. This way you’ll help your partner and yourself understand the relationship much better and also establish a healthy ground.

4. It keeps the spark alive

If you consistently lead a monogamous relationship, the charm will wither away at some point which may ultimately lead to a breakup or a divorce.

Polyamory reduces such chances because you subconsciously find new things about your partners and it keeps adding to your relationship.

All the advantages don’t really imply that polyamorous relationships are ALL good, there are definitely some…

Disadvantages of Polyamorous Relationship

Similar to a monogamous relationship, a polyamorous relationship also has its own set of cons, including…

1. People may not be as accepting

This is not a downside to your polyamorous relationship, but it comes along with it.

Since polyamory isn’t as common in society, people may not have the same thoughts about this kind of relationship as you… and so come off as dismissive and mean.

Your monogamous neighbors might sometimes also name this kind of relationship as your “sexual” needs. You either walk away or give them a fitting reply.

2. You might not find the one

Your surroundings might not take the polyamory idea too optimistically. So, you might not get partners who want to engage in such intimate relationships or who have similar values.

Most people want exclusive relationships, and you might give in to it at some point because you didn’t find the one.

Don’t engage in relationships without your partner’s consent, because that’s nothing different than cheating.

3. Your partner might abuse strength

If your partner has the upper hand over you emotionally, physically, or financially, they might abuse it. When anybody forces you to stay in a polyamorous relationship, it loses its meaning.

Polyamory is built on trust and consent, so without your consent, it’ll harm you more. If you feel your polyamorous relationship is unfair, don’t participate in it.

4. One of you might feel jealous

Your partner might love you a lot and give in to your polyamory idea because they fear losing you. You won’t understand it unless they’re honest about it.

Once you bring up a conversation about polyamory, your partner will know that you’re not into monogamy. So, they’ll do their best to accommodate your needs.

Yet, at some point, they might burn out and their jealousy will slowly ruin the relationship. So far, this is the worst downside of a polyamorous relationship.

After knowing all this, if anybody ever says Polyamory is the same as polygamy, and that’s banned (in the United States), here’s how you can counter it.

Polyamorous vs polygamous

Polyamorous relationships may sound similar to polygamous relationships, but they aren’t. Let me tell you how.

Polyamorous relationshipPolygamous relationship
In polyamory, a person romantically or sexually loves multiple people.In polygamy, a person marries multiple people and leads multiple married lives simultaneously.
Polyamory can involve people of different sexual orientations.Polygamy mostly involves heterosexuality.
Polyamory is quite open and gender-neutral. It’s lenient for both men and women.Polygyny (one man multiple wives) is more common than Polyandry (one woman multiple husbands).
Polyamory is a relatively new idea. People still look down on it.Polygamy was always out there from the beginning of time.
Polyamory has no connection with any specific religion.You’ll find Polygamy in almost all religious history in the world. In Islam, polygyny is highly pronounced.

After the basics, let’s now understand…

How do polyamorous relationships work?

Polyamorous relationships can work only when both partners trust and understand each other’s thoughts and are on the same page. Communication and mutual respect are important for polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory isn’t for everyone as you need to be open, honest, and accommodating to your partner. A Polyamorous partner must value their partner’s trust and discuss the ground rules beforehand.

If you and your partner don’t live together for long, because of personal or professional reasons, love each other dearly, yet need more intimacy… polyamory might be your thing.

You must be extremely open and communicative about how you value each other and it’s not because you can’t love each other. Instead, it fills the void that one cannot and shares the love.

Usually, a committed person gets in relationships with other people with their partner’s consent, meanwhile, they also inform their new partner that they have a primary partner.

Your honesty in polyamory works in all directions so that nobody in this setup misunderstands the situation.

For instance, if you’re married but you must travel a lot because of your job, either of you can’t attend to each other’s emotional, psychological, or physical needs… and yet can’t let go of each other – that’s when you both might want to consider polyamorous.

But can you really pull off polyamorous relationships? Let’s find out!

How do you know if it’s right for you? (Signs you are polyamorous)

Polyamorous people don’t have it written on their faces. You might feel it but aren’t sure if your feelings are valid. Know if you are polyamorous inside yet gave into social norms and are hiding…

1. You’re honest with jealousy

If you feel that only those who never get jealous are right for polyamory, you’re wrong. However, how do you deal with your relationships when you get jealous?

Do you reprimand or ignore your partner, or are you simply honest about what bothers you? If you can be straightforward with your partner about your likes and dislikes, you’re suitable for polyamory.

If you can keep up with your composure and talk it out with your partner, give polyamory a shot.

2. You like to spice your sexual life

You can definitely find your personal variety in the bedroom with your partner, but does that satisfy you completely? Or, do you still want something more unique?

A monogamous relationship is never any less than a polyamorous one when it comes to sex… but there are certain activities you can only do with multiple partners at a time.

Also, everyone might not be open to your idea of spicy, and that’s where polyamory becomes better.

3. Your needs aren’t just physical

If you love emotionally bonding with people, others will call you compassionate. Along with the physical intimacy with different people, if you also care about their emotional well-being, then you’re fit for polyamory.

It doesn’t mean that every compassionate human out there might be polyamorous though.

This sign only implies that you’re not into it for the physical needs alone and you’ll respond well to your partners.

4. You find polyamory interesting

Certain people might try to get away with cheating in the name of polyamory and forget that it’s a consensual relationship.

If you honestly find polyamory interesting and believe you and your partner both will benefit from a polyamorous arrangement, then that’s another sign.

But first, be honest and avoid lying to yourself. Do you really think you want a harmonious relationship with many people simultaneously? How will you support them when more than one person needs it?

5. People say you’re fickle-minded

Whenever you share your idea of loving multiple people with anyone, people think you’re confused. Perhaps, they said “you’re fickle” or “you’ll take the wrong step”.

You’ve finally thought that nobody understands you and so give in to societal norms.

Since society isn’t aware of polyamory, you faced difficulties expressing yourself and concealed the truth to avoid prying eyes. But until now you weren’t aware that your emotions are justified.

6. You feel claustrophobic in monogamy

By default, you tried monogamy… after all, there’s hardly enough open and accepting people out there. Otherwise, you have no option of engaging in romantic relationships.

However, you felt that monogamy snipped off your wings and society barred you from expressing yourself once you become “exclusive” to someone.

You possibly tried whole-heartedly to invest yourself in monogamy, but you despised them for caging you. If any of it rings a bell, then you’re polyamorous.

7. You love more than one person

If you always crushed on multiple people from your teenage years and were never able to choose among them, you’re polyamorous.

You possibly thought that you can emotionally satisfy all of their needs and invest your time and attention equally to all of them,

If you found you’re polyamorous and are in a relationship, it’s time that you must talk about it to your partner. Here’s how you can do that.

How to bring it up with your partner?

If your partner is monogamous, this topic might create misunderstandings in your relationship. But you of course can’t be in this cage forever, so here’s how you can strike this conversation with your partner smoothly.

1. Show your honesty

Be transparent about your feelings about having another partner… along with your current partner. If you care for them deeply, you might fear hurting them, but that’s not a good enough reason to keep them hanging.

Let them in on this loop and show them the real you. If you’re considering polyamory, remember that it starts with honesty. So, practice honesty now, and express your desires to your partner.

2. Be sensitive and understanding

Your partner, like most in this world, might not accept your feelings right away. If they’re not aware of polyamory, they might think that you don’t find them attractive anymore.

They might think you’re asking for permission for adultery, tears might roll down their cheeks, or they might lash out at you. Prepare yourself mentally about how you’ll deal with the situation.

Ensure you’re good at dealing with their emotions because you’ll need it in polyamory.

3. Avoid “blaming” them unintentionally

Don’t say “You don’t satisfy me emotionally/physically enough, so I’ll choose polyamory out of generosity.”

Instead say “I think I’m polyamorous, I desire multiple people simultaneously and equally.”

Ensure you don’t hurt your partner because of your careless choice of words. Write down some pointers if you’re not confident about it.

Make sure you don’t imply that they are not enough for you. You’ll push them away if you’re not conscious of their feelings.

4. Explain Polyamory properly

Polyamory is new and some might not understand or accept it right away. So, investigate well before jumping into it.

Try to eliminate all kinds of confusion about the topic yourself so that you can answer your partner’s queries properly. Otherwise, you’ll seem like a cheater looking for excuses.

Also, don’t forget to offer emotional support to your partner while you’re explaining this concept. Reassure them that you’ll never do anything they won’t like and they will always be their primary partner.

5. Give them space

Don’t expect them to accept it quickly. Your partner will also want to know more about this concept and then come back to you with more solid ground.

They might not give in immediately and hold back because of the fear of losing you. So, give them the time that he/she needs, don’t rush or force it beyond a point.

Your partner might bind you with some rules and deny you enjoying some perks from others, so let’s find out….

How to establish polyamorous relationship rules?

You need open communication about the basic rules before you head into a polyamorous relationship.

Remember that polyamory is all about respecting each other’s wishes and being honest about your own. Don’t indulge in it half-heartedly or without any knowledge. So first…

1. Figure out your motivations

You’ll build new relationships with new people and you might or might not mingle all of your relationships. So, what do you guys want, how open are you guys?

Know that you guys might have different goals and want different outcomes from the new relationships. But you can talk it out with each other.

Understand each other’s needs and expectations and try to reach a middle ground. Decide on what’s okay and what’s not okay for you.

2. Promote mutual respect

Even if you’re jealous, you’ll be in a consensual relationship, so you must respect both your partner and their partners. Meanwhile, expect no less from your partner.

If you treat your partner’s relationship with passive-aggressiveness, they won’t stay. Moreover, if they found new consensual partners, they’ll leave you if you force monogamy on them.

Instead, be honest with whatever hurt you and soothe each other like exclusive partners.

3. Don’t expect a happily-ever-after

Don’t be a pessimist but don’t be too optimistic about your relationships either. Even in monogamy, you can’t tell when your partner might fall out of love, so it’s nothing different here.

You guys have feelings and they might change. While you think everything is fine, your partner might not think so. Moreover, if they aren’t honest enough things might take a toll on the relationship.

Don’t let anything crush your heart.

4. Maintain some exclusiveness

You’re not in an exclusive relationship, but if someone was your first partner, pamper them a bit more than others. Give them some exclusive and special time that you don’t give the others.

Or else, your first partner might think that you don’t like them anymore…. now that you have the others.

Later on, it might turn into resentment, disrespectful behavior towards your other partners, and the arrangement will finally crumble down. That’s why you must be expressive to your first partner.

5. Always update each other

Your partner might not always express their opinion to you clearly, so prepare a ‘Fine, Not fine, So-so” chart.

Check in with your partner about their views regularly because they might change their mind about something later on.

Are they fine with you going with your other partner for a while? Are they fine with you bringing them over?

Update on their thoughts to avoid hurting them or ruining the relationship.

Along with the rules, you also need some boundaries. Here’s how you can build them.

How to establish polyamorous relationship boundaries?

In a polyamorous relationship, you need both emotional and physical boundaries. Know how much each of you can be available to others with each other’s consent. So, let’s start with the…

Emotional Boundaries

You and your partner are unique, so your emotional demands might surprise each other. However, if your emotions are all over the place, you may want to seek some tips from the list below.

1. Know what you want to know about each other

Romantic relationships and jealousy go hand-in-hand so learn how much info from their other relationship you can take. 

Will either of you be fine knowing about the other’s intimacy details? Or do you prefer to only know that your partner “spent time” with the partners?

If one of you is new to this concept then it might be better to keep the intimate details to yourself. Be considerate of each other’s emotions.

2. Know what you want tell others about each other

Also, are you fine with your partner talking to someone else about you and your other partner?

Some people look down on polyamory, some might even try to break apart the relationship with “It’s not normal, you’re wasting yourself on that undeserving person.”

And very few might be open about it. Different people will perceive your relationship status differently. So the sharing depends on you guys.

3. Do you want you or your partner to be involved emotionally?

Are you guys okay with emotionally bonding with others outside of your relationship? Or, do you want a no-strings-attached situation?

How will you feel when your partner is as sweet to someone else as they were to you? Decide on how far you want each other to be available to others.

If this thought breaks down your partner, keep it casual. Understand that your partner can’t let go of that “emotional connection” with you.

4. Time your availability

If you’re working adults, you might only have free weekends. How territorial are you about each other’s time?

Will you allow each other to meet the other partner more than once a week? Or, one is the limit?

Prioritize both of your emotional needs for each other before you bring in the other person. Then you’ll find it easier to deal with your emotions.

After emotional boundaries, let’s now build some…

Physical Boundaries

Your physical boundaries will include both of your consent on sex with another partner, when or where you might get intimate, and so on. So first…

1. Determine the extent of physical involvement

If you want polyamory, it’s a given that you’ll indulge in sexual acts. But you must know your partner’s opinion on this. Well, you must also include this in the (fine, not fine, so-so) chart.

For instance, are they alright with kissing? If yes, is it alright both in private, public, and in front of them?

Do they allow hugging, cuddling, and holding hands? If yes, then where and when?

2. Can you stay together?

Can either of you hang out with your partner’s partners?

Be direct if you can’t stand the thought of another partner and don’t want them under your roof. Or, are you okay with their presence, but not with lovey-dovey passes?

Do you want to go on dates together? If you don’t think you can have food at the same table, then pass!

But if you guys are fine with it… then, why not.

3. Sexual acts and safe sex practises

Is there any special bedroom activity that you want to keep exclusive to each other? Maybe a position, or a type of sexual act?

How fine are you with having sex with others? Are you alright with sex without protection or absolutely no-go?

Do you want to enjoy it together with each other’s partners?

Perhaps you want to experience something that needs multiple partners, do you want to try it?

If you set the rules and boundaries, your next quest is…

Where to find a polyamorous partner?

The hunt for a polyamorous partner isn’t much different from a monogamous one. So you can…

1. Sign up in communities

Find and sign up in online non-monogamy communities. You’ll find people from overseas or even from your vicinity who’re interested in polyamory.

Talk to them online, find out if you both are on the same page, and set up a meeting.

Remember that it’s not a hook-up competition unless both of you want it to. Wait until you connect with them emotionally.

2. Use regular dating apps

Dating apps don’t have an upper limit to the number of matches, so you can easily avail some help from them.

Don’t forget to add “Polyamorous” on your profile so that nobody misunderstands the situation.

You might find people with common interests which will make it easier to bond in the long run.

3. Don’t forget the talk

Everyone you match or meet with might not be into polyamory because the culture isn’t too popular.

Here are some ways to bring up the topic and be crystal clear about your stance in the relationship right from the start…

Ask them “What do you expect from me? How is your dream romantic relationship? Do you want someone exclusively for you?

You can also start with “Did you see the polyamory term on my profile? What do you understand about it?”

Or, ask “Do you know about polyamory? I can recommend something to you, wanna give it a try?”

Don’t lead them on, say “I’m into polyamory, monogamy is not my thing.”

You might face hostility in your pursuit, and many will slander you or be rude to you. While in the conversation if you hear something absolutely unacceptable, then bust the…

Myths about Polyamorous Relationship

When you’ll embrace your polyamorous lifestyle, many people will talk. So, before you take a leap of faith, let me give you some clarity on this kind of relationship.

1. Polyamory is for sex addicts

Everybody feels sexual attraction for their partner or even someone outside their relationship (even if you’re monogamous).

But monogamous people don’t work on their desires, because society doesn’t accept them.

Whereas, polyamorous are more honest and work on it with their partner’s consent.

Also, in reality, polyamorous folks don’t live for the mainstream society which makes others feel they’re in it for the sex.

…and we all know it, society bothers more about sexual relations than emotional well-being.

2. Polyamorous people can’t tackle responsibilities

If you think polyamorous folks are irresponsible, ever wondered how they make time for so many partners and keep everyone happy at the same time?

Whereas, most monogamous partners are unhappy because they can’t give each other enough time in their schedule.

Another perk in a polyamorous relationship might be their joint finances. 

If they consent, they can work together and have each other’s back so that nobody stresses too much about finances.

3. Jealousy will overpower polyamory because humans are territorial

Jealousy is normal but Polyamorous people thrive on communication. So, as long as all the partners keep talking, they will be able to get rid of all kinds of negative feelings.

Your poly relationship might not be the same as someone else’s so some might be more jealous and some less.

You can solve it with a heart-to-heart discussion with your partner instead of giving up on your loved ones.

Human beings are really territorial, that’s why the love from your partner will come rushing even harder when they sense something is wrong with you.

But as I said, you can win all wars… with effective communication.

4. Polyamory is your excuse for group sex

Polyamorous relationships don’t force you to have sex with your partner’s partners. However, if they attract you, then why not?

Even if you indulge in orgies, you won’t necessarily crave it all the time… it’s real-life, not a 5-minute porn clip.

Also, the concept of orgies from porn isn’t how it works. Those work only for attracting viewers and do nothing for intimacy and bonding.

At most a throuple can engage in groping and caressing, not what you see on-screen.

5. Polyamorous people have commitment issues

Rather than calling a polyamorous commitment-phobic, you must consider how they commit more than a monogamous.

Every human needs some kind of commitment, and polyamorous people commit to more than one which proves their capability. Moreover, they stay together for longer periods, further proving their satisfying bonds.

Perhaps, they can’t physically be together all the time, but it’s the same with monogamous – someone is always busy, hence no quality time.

Commitment and cohabitation aren’t the same things as society defines.

6. You will get STD from Polyamory

Polyamorous partners are well-aware of the risks of mating with multiple people.

Generally, they don’t date for casual sex and believe in informing each of the partners about each other’s STI status and the safe sex rules.

If you meet someone when you’re already in a polyamorous relationship, you must share all the important deets about your sexual activity and safety.

After you find the new person’s STI status and get consent, you’re good to go for your polyamorous relationship.

7. You’ll never attach yourself to Polyamorous partners

The polyamorous community finds “abundant love” from their partners and that’s why more and more people are migrating to this setting.

One partner can fill the portion another can’t and this way, you never fall short of love.

However, it also increases the chances of breaking your heart. Neither of your partners will be perfect and their shortcomings will hurt you and vice versa.

If this isn’t enough, tell them about some…

Celebrities who have been in Polyamorous Relationship

Even celebrities from all over the glove have not only embraced polyamory but also practiced it. Here are some examples…

1. Actress Bella Thorne

In 2019, she admitted she enjoys polyamorous relationships and saw many beautiful things in her life because of it even though it seemed difficult initially.

2. Activist Bethany Meyers – Actor Nico Tortella

This couple learned a lot through their lives. They initially gave into polyamory because of their distance, but later their love grew stronger because of it.

3. Writer Jessamyn Stanley

Her polyamorous relationships made her aware of family love which she never received from her parent figures. She swears she’s the happiest because of her polyamorous relationship.

4. Will Smith – Jada Pinkett Smith

Pinkett admitted that they have an open relationship because they trust each other and do not own each other like property on her FB post.

5. Willow Smith

The Smiths’ daughter agrees that she found freedom in her polyamorous relationship. She says it’s a lot better than cheating on your partners and clears how polyamory is not just about sex.

If you’re tired of monogamous shows with “You’re the only one” drama, let’s add some spice to your entertainment with some…

TV series and Films that show Polyamorous Relationships

Polyamorous relationships are in the rage since the late 20th century and here are a few amazing shows that show how polyamory can suit you… but not the next person, and that’s fine….

1. Altered States: Love Without Limits (2018)

The filmmaker showed that marriage and love aren’t the same. To some, polyamorous relationships mean more bliss and love, but not to all.

2. She’s Gotta Have it (1986)

This movie teaches us how the protagonist, a busy black girl, manages a polyamorous relationship and makes it fun for all parties.

3. Wanderlust (2018)

It’s a movie about a married therapist who tries to reawaken the marital sex life with polyamory. It shows where you might go wrong and it’s okay.

4. You Me Her (2016)

The rom-com is about a triad romantic relationship, although it was all about sex in the first season. It shows how you can multiply your love with polyamory.

5. Unicornland (2017)

This solo polyamory web series shows how a young divorcee finds her way out to polyamory and receives all the honesty, warmth, and love she ever wanted.

If you’re more into paperbacks than watching shows, here’s your getaway to…

Polyamorous romance books

Many authors introduced Polyamory in their assortment of romance fiction. Some novels added fantasy while others showed extreme passion like…

1. Bound to be a Groom (Megan Mulry)

It is a story about a lesbian woman who flees to become a courtesan to lead a happy life with her partner but during their journey, they find more love.

2. Taming the Storm (Yumoyori Wilson)

A fantasy novel about the human child of a fox shapeshifter and a warlock. But soon she stumbles across her newly found powers and desires of the Storm.

3. Bite Me (Robin Bachar)

Another fantasy about how vampire Lizzy Addams asks for blood during a zombie apocalypse and a scarcity of blood. A male and a female submit to her in exchange for help.

4. Both Ends of the Whip (Brenda Murphy)

The protagonist flees from her working place with her partner while they learn to love more people… than each other. Their love helped them through the hardest times of their lives.

5. Flash Me (K.M. Neuhold)

A trans boy after coming out of the closet was abandoned by his loved ones. Yet, within 5 years, he built himself stronger than ever with love from his partners.

After learning about so many polyamorous celebs, shows, and books, you possibly can’t wait to build your polyamorous family, so search in these…

Best Dating Apps for Polyamorous Relationships

Dating apps are no longer ignorant about polyamorous relationships. They decided to promote and support your community in rain or shine.

So, find your people on…

1. Feeld

This app ranks first for polyamorous relationships and also encourages you to show your individuality. It also allows users to be open about their sexual kinks and has faced many challenges during its lifespan.

2. #open

This is a relatively new dating app that holds both virtual and real-life events for its community. You can meet your date at their events with other compatible people.

3. MoreThanOne

Another dating app only for polyamorous and nonmonogamous relationships. Also, the app doesn’t need you to identify yourself with a gender, cool right? You can opt for single or open relationships.

4. PolyFinda

This app has every detail you want to give in your profile. Whether you already belong to a polyamorous relationship and want to grow it or want something casual.

5. Ashley Madison

Initially a website and currently an app, it’s great for the poly population that is ready to explore their emotional and physical needs without any judgment.

Polyamory can be complex for people who’re learning about this concept for the first time… So let’s go through some…


Are you still confused about certain aspects of Polyamory? Here are the answers to some most commonly asked questions in the fraternity, dig in mate!

1. How common are polyamorous relationships?

Research says more than a fifth of the United States population had consensual non-monogamy in some phase of their life. Age, race, education, political beliefs, or socioeconomic labels don’t alter the fact.

They also found that 4-5% of people involve themselves in non-monogamy at any instant. However, many researchers opined that this rate is consistently increasing.

Also, men and people from the LGBTQ+ community incline more towards polyamorous relationships than heterosexuals or women.

Research states that about 33% of homosexual men engaged in polyamorous relationships at some point.

All the facts imply that polyamorous relationships are far more common than anybody imagined. It is slowly gaining popularity amongst people as they seek their true selves.

2. Why do people choose Polyamory?

The reasons behind polyamory are usually their hope for more love and bonding. 

Mostly both partners are willing participants and try polyamorous relationships as it offers them more in the emotional and sexual aspects.

Polyamorous partners see themselves and their partner in a new light that retains the freshness of the relationship with their fun and happy experiences.

However, many people give in to polyamorous relationships because their partner wants it.

People don’t like giving up their loved ones easily and try to sustain their relationship as long as possible. So, some people accept it because they can’t bear to part from their lovers.

Also, when one of the partners has more power (financially, emotionally, or even physically), they might pressure the inferior one into it. Unfortunately, this is another reason behind people choosing polyamorous relationships.

3. Is Polyamory better for men or women?

A polyamorous relationship with one man and multiple women might seem similar to a polygamous relationship for many people. 

Polygamous relationships oppress women in many ways, hence the thought that women don’t gain from polyamorous relationships.

However, many report that women who favored consensual non-monogamy found more interpersonal authority.

In fact, more women in leadership roles have supported, followed, promoted, and talked about polyamory. 

For instance, more women leading organizations stand for the poly community than male leading organizations.

Some research shows that nations with greater rates of women’s financial independence and political strength support and engages in polyamory more than others.

Thus, polyamory instead brings more confidence and independence in women if the relationship is healthy and the partners don’t suppress each other.

4. Who does Polyamory work best for?

If you like to interact in social circles, fall in love with multiple people simultaneously and also desire to emotionally bond with them, possess an insatiable libido, and want to experience something new which is beyond society’s bounds, polyamory might satisfy all of your desires.

However, with the growing number of partners in a polyamorous relationship, you must tend to many hearts.

If you have a hard time dealing with one partner’s emotions, polyamory might not suit you. Because Polyamory needs a lot of effort, time, and energy in a different way for each of the partners.

You’ll also need to keep track of all of your partners’ needs which might also be changing over time. At times, two of your partners’ needs and perceptions might clash and you must tend to both fairly.

Only if you can provide emotional, psychological, and physical attention to all of them equally, it is a great choice.

5. Is Polyamory illegal?

In the United States, polygamy is illegal, but not polyamory.

The first city to grant legality to polyamory, Somerville (Massachusetts, 2020) changed the definition of polyamory from a “relationship formed by two people” to a “relationship formed by persons”.

This allowed them to include personal choices for the number of partners along with the choice of legal bounds like marriage.

However, polyamorous relationships, or in general non-monogamous ones’ face difficulties in many aspects.

For instance, in child custody matters it becomes hard to determine who will take custody of the child as one parent might give them emotional support, another might give financial support. Overall, the child can never choose one from a big family.

Other issues are housing discrimination, adultery charges, and even morality and ethics clauses in occupational laws of a few organizations.

6. How is cheating defined in polyamorous relationships?

One regular sub-form of polyamory is polyfidelity where the partners commit themselves emotionally, physically, and psychologically exclusive to each other only in the relationship group.

Moreover, they don’t allow anybody to romantically bond with anyone outside their group which proves that commitment is equally important to the polyamorous community.

If a partner in a polyamorous relationship cheats or romantically bonds with someone outside of their designated groups, they’ll face equal consequences as in a monogamous relationship.

Polyamorous folks look down on cheating like the rest of the world and cannot stand betrayals like everyone else.

If one of the two married partners cheat, they’ll endanger their marriage. For non-marital relationships, the partners will part ways like other monogamous relationships.

The polyamorous community is open to multiple partners which decreases their cheating inclination. They can rather communicate about having another partner, but if they still cheat then it’s not normal.

7. Do Polyamorous feel happy when their partners get involved with another person?

The polyamorous community is far more open and considerate about their partner’s mental, emotional, and physical desires, so they don’t feel as bad when their partners engage with new partners in comparison with monogamous couples.

Instead, they feel a different warmth and happiness when their partner bonds with another person emotionally, psychologically, or sexually which is known as compersion. 

Compersion is more common and comprehensible to polyamorous folks than others.

Conversely, every couple defines their own differences, say, they can identify one person as a primary partner and the others as secondary partners.

Polyamorous folks mostly feel compersion when their secondary partner finds a new partner, but possibly not for their primary partner.

Although, that doesn’t imply they’ll feel hostile towards their primary partner or their new partners.

8. Is being raised in a polyamorous family damaging to a child?

At some point, when parents separating wasn’t that common, the concept of a parent leaving to lead a new life, traumatized children.

But that’s not the case anymore because legal separation and remarriage are very popular among parenting adults and children accept it nowadays.

Moreover, it’s a regular household scenario, so children can relate with others of the same age.

Also, in polyamorous families, a child not only sees their parents mingle with someone who isn’t their biological parent but also receives emotional and psychological support from everyone.

They bond with every parent figure around them equally since childhood, and when they grow up enough to understand things, their parents disclose the arrangements which build a strong foundation.

Polyamorous family children grow up as finely as monogamous ones, but sometimes better because of more love and support.

9. Is polyamory a new concept?

Anthropologists debate that Polyamory was always around for millions of years in the hunter-gatherer culture. Their mixed bonding helped them understand each other better and promote unity among the groups.

They lived through uncertain times only because of their undying unity which was developed from their intermingling relationships and deep emotional bonds for each other.

In the early 19th century, American groups like the Mormons were also involved in relationships with multiple partners simultaneously.

Feminists, romantics, and revolutionaries agreed to nonmonogamy to cure oppression of capitalism, and men’s nature to monopolize and own women… which was the first wave.

The next wave was in the 60s and 70s among the disco dancers, hippies, and swingers for the sexual revolution.

Finally, the late 20th and early 21st century constitute the third wave of the impending growth of polyamory which spread vastly over the Internet.

10. What is a Poly Activist?

The polyamorous community faces many challenges in professional life, say their employer might sack them for being poly.

They might lose child custody for the same, and even divorce files complications arise because of the same. Sometimes, people also deny poly folks education.

No legislature considered the need for laws to protect the polyamorous community which is why they still face many legal and financial troubles in this world.

And that’s where Polyactivists step forward to protect the rights of polyamorous relationships and support and protect the polyamorous community to fight against any discrimination.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom started a project for this where they collect discriminating stories of the polyamorous population.

An example of the world slowly accepting the polyamorous community legally is the British Columbia Supreme Court decision of 2021. They grant a triad as the legal parents of a child and recognize them as a complete family.

11. Do Polyamorists have their own pride flag?

Jim Evans (identified as male) made the first pride flag of polyamorists in 2014. Two decades before he experienced the struggles of the LGBTQ+ community which mesmerized him with their unique symbols and implications.

He was polyamorous himself and wanted something similar to celebrate his community. So, he designed a flag with three horizontal colored stripes of equal breadth.

Starting from the top, the blue stripe implies the openness and honesty of the people in a polyamorous relationship that must be the same to everyone.

The middle red stripe is the symbol of love and passion with a golden Greek “pi” or π which symbolizes “polyamory”. The gold color depicts the emotional significance of their relationships with others.

The bottom black stripe implies the unfortunate ones who hide their relationship from the judgemental world yet love their partners with all honesty.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Whether Polyamory interests you or not, it’s your personal choice. If you feel it’s not your thing, you’re welcome to live your life your way.

However, if you relate to polyamory signs you might want to open yourself to new possibilities. So never shy away from expressing your real self to your loved ones.

Also, be clear and open about your sexual encounters with your partner(s) when you begin your quest for a polyamorous lifestyle.

Remember to follow the key pillars like trust, consent, communication, and mutual respect to strengthen your poly bond and develop an everlasting loving relationship with your partner(s).