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How to Save a Marriage? 40 No-nonsense Ways

How to Save a Marriage? 40 No-nonsense Ways

Updated on Sep 24, 2022 | Published on Sep 14, 2022

Reviewed by Katina Tarver, MA (Mental Health and Wellness Counseling) , Life & Relationship Coach

How to Save a Marriage 40 No-nonsense Ways

So, you spent the last few nights thinking about how to save a marriage?

If you experience marital problems and feel that “this is the end of my happiness”, this is a normal worry!

For that, I’m glad you reached out because you have landed in the right place.

Remember, your marriage won’t die just because you guys fight day in and day out… or don’t fight at all.

Every marriage has problems. Even your parents’ or your partner’s parents’ marriage wasn’t picture perfect. But couples can always make it work if they try hard enough… and if they still love each other.

Even if you feel your marriage is failing, trust me it’s not the time to give up… not yet!

So, believe in me and try these tested ways to turn the tables on fate…

How to Save a Marriage – 40 ways

Depending on perception, marriages are exciting to some… because every day there’s a new adventure to look forward to. They often always find solutions to marital problems quickly.

While others think it’s exhausting because they don’t dare to ride on these adventures… and lose their individuality in this journey. Eventually, they seek ways to escape it.

It breaks my heart when people united by deep love drift apart. So, I’m here to help you give one last shot to save your marriage!

Don’t worry, you don’t need to get the stars or moon for your partner!

So, let me show you how to rekindle your bond with simple tricks here…

1. Recollect the reasons behind your marriage vows

You chose that one person… took marriage vows with the… and promised them a lifetime of togetherness for a reason. Do you remember that?

So, before thinking of stepping out, recollect these reasons. Remember what you promised them in the vows.

This will remind you why you chose them in the first place… and what efforts you were ready to put in for them back then.

Trust me, the feelings still didn’t fade today because your heart still longs for their love.

The marriage vows will give you the strength to not quit when it becomes tough to survive.

2. Stop expecting them to be perfect

How can you expect someone to be flawless?

No, God created everyone with some flaws… and the beauty of marriage lies in accepting those flaws.

If you always point out your partner’s mistakes and never assess your behavior, your marriage might not survive till the end of time.

So, accept them with all their imperfections. Know that it’s normal to have some flaws so long it doesn’t hurt you.

If you try to accept them wholeheartedly and match each other’s frequency, things will start improving in your marriage.

You will notice that their behavior towards you will change. Complete acceptance will eventually bring back the loving language in the way you address and even gaze at each other.

3. Identify the issue

Lately, you feel frustrated or disinterested in your partner. But that doesn’t mean separation is your only option. Remember, there’s always a solution to every problem.

But you must dig deeper to identify the problem first… only then can you find the solution.

Recall the first time your spouse frustrated you. What had happened before that? Is it because they told you something hurtful? Or is there some other reason?

Only when you identify this problem can you communicate with your partner transparently and solve it. When you recall the situation, you might even realize it is not even an issue worth mulling over.

4. Invest in your hobbies

When people overthink, they increase their anxiety levels and feel stressed. Find out if you’re the same.

Divert your energy into something else and get a break from the intense problems. It will help rejuvenate your energy and peace of mind.

After some time or days (if the matter is huge), sit back and think if you overreacted or became obsessed with the problem.

This is when you will think rationally and analyze the good and bad sides of your partner and the issues. Once you find your answer, you’ll soon know how to save your marriage.

5. Do not nag

‘You are why I always get late.’ ‘You don’t help me with the chores.’

Constantly cribbing about things will not help you fix the situation.

Complaining, nagging, begging, crying, or seeking validation are useless ways to solve your problems. These methods will only work on the problems temporarily.

Instead, try to talk to your partner about how you feel the marriage is failing. Talk about the adjustments you two can make to save the marriage together.

6. Be emotionally strong

Marriages or relationships aren’t a bed of roses. It requires constant efforts and daily compromises to balance your marriage.

At times, this process may seem emotionally draining. But it doesn’t mean you give up on your marriage.

Every marriage goes through rough patches. Sometimes, your partner may support you during such times. But other times, they may not understand you and you may want to quit.

But stay strong!

It’s exhausting and you need a lot of patience. But you must be willing to fight for your marriage. If you are emotionally strong and determined about it, you’ll certainly be able to save your marriage.

7. Analyze your actions

Different problems demand different solutions. If you try to solve every matter similarly, it won’t work at all.

So, ask yourself where you went wrong. Sit down on a paper, write the problem, and your actions to solve the problem. You will understand which actions went wrong and why you didn’t get the desired results.

Maybe you need to reverse your actions to get different results. For example, if you constantly chase your partner, stop doing that.

8. Plan a surprise date

Most couples think that “dates” are not important once you get married.

No, those dates brought you closer and helped you know each other from scratch. Similarly, even after decades of your marriage, your dates can be your savior. Plan a surprise date for your partner and relive the past excitement once more.

Cherish the quality time you spend with each other. Sitting and talking with your partner will help you connect and convey your feelings to them.

Dates will help you spend more time together and ignite the dying romance.

9. Start the change

You’re aware of the problems in your relationship and want to fix them. So, bring changes to your marriage to solve the present problems and prevent the future ones.

If you expect your partner to change their behavior, you must change first. You cannot expect them to make an effort if you aren’t ready to initiate it.

So, first change yourself, and see the change reciprocate in your partner.

10. Communicate clearly

Most couples make the mistake of not talking to each other when angry. If you do the same, that’s why your marriage is failing.

Your partner is not God… they won’t understand your feelings unless you convey it to them. Be open about the things you liked, disliked, appreciated, felt hurt, insulted, or whatever.

Only then will your partner realize what they must do to make you happy.

Without communication, you can never expect a happy marriage.

11. Take initiatives

Knowing that your marriage has problems is not enough to fix a marriage. You will need a key to fix these problems. To find that key, you must take some initiative actively.

Sitting and thinking about your problem won’t help you save your marriage overnight. Instead, you need to rise and take some action.

Yes, you may be confused about where to start but you can try. Whatever you understand from the problems of your marriage, try to work on it. Eventually, you’ll find out the ways to save your marriage.

12. Make promises you can fulfill

People promise many things at the beginning of the marriage without considering if they can truly fulfill them.

So, when you repeatedly fail to fulfill your promises, your partner feels you are unable to deal with problems.

That’s why stop making promises that you can’t stay true to. Never make fake promises to escape marital problems for the time being.

Instead, let your partner know you did not lie to them or promise them something you cannot do.

If you promise them to stand by every problem, ensure you stick to your words confidently and fulfill your promise. Don’t leave them alone when times get tough.

13. Give love and support

Marriage will always work only when both partners work to build a healthy bond and are willing to give something to each other. The giving here doesn’t refer to gifts… but love, care, and support.

On your wedding day, you promised your partner to love them till eternity. You also promised to support them through thick and thin and never leave them.

It is now time to stay true to your words and give them infinite support in the marriage or their career, however, they need it.

14. Don’t be in a hurry

Our elders always remind us to be patient in any situation. They also advised us that decisions made in a hurry always make you regret them later.

If you remember these sayings, apply them to your marriage now. If you two plan to split, you probably need to be more patient before making this decision.

The marital problems didn’t occur overnight. Hence, don’t even dream about solving them within minutes.

Be patient and constantly work to fix your marriage. Consistent efforts will improve the situation and prevent your marriage from falling apart.

15. Be empathetic

Not just for your partner, you must show empathy to everyone.

This is only possible when you try to understand their situations and actions before questioning them.

Once you lead the way with empathy, you’re bound to observe great improvements in your marriage. Because empathy will prevent you from being competitive or playing the blame game.

Instead, you’ll do your best to understand each other and solve things together. And voila! This way, you can easily save your marriage.

16. Appreciate them despite the gender

Appreciation is never limited to any gender. You must appreciate your wife for taking care of your family, for finishing chores alone, looking after your kids, and for every small tiny-little thing she does in everyday life.

Similarly, if you are a wife, you must appreciate your husband for working hard and earning sufficient to run your family and fulfill your desires.

You both face different challenges. But in the end, you both deserve appreciation for your struggles. And there’s no harm in appreciating your partner’s efforts for you.

17. Show physical affection

In the dating phase of your relationship, you show more physical affection towards each other. There’s holding hands, cuddling, touching each other without reason, and so much more. All these actions increase intimacy and love towards each other.

However, it eventually fades in a marriage because you’re so caught up in other responsibilities.  

And that’s why my friend, you must make an effort to never stop showing physical affection. Apart from sex, all these affectionate physical contacts are equally important to strengthen your bond.

Initiate touching your partner without any reason. Gradually, they’ll mirror your gestures and reciprocate it.

18. Bring back the fun

Ask yourself: Have you been complaining a lot recently? Are you a fun company? Would you like to come home and spend time with someone like yourself?

Try to answer these questions and you might find a lot of other answers as well.

Yes, everyone experiences troublesome phases in life. But that never means you can’t have fun in life. Despite the problems, you must keep the fun in your marriage alive.

So, try to look for things or activities you and your spouse can do together and have a fun time. Once you return the fun element to your marriage, your partner will desire to spend more time with you.

19. Choose your words carefully

This is every relationship coach’s slogan: Communicate! It keeps your relationship/marriage alive. But if not done effectively, it can also ruin a marriage.

So, be very careful about your words because your spouse is the last person in the world you want to hurt with careless words.

Moreover, not controlling your words or tone may seem like you are nagging or arguing.

So, make it a habit to express yourself with carefully chosen words. This will prevent any misunderstandings or conflicts.

20. Don’t lose yourself

Getting married doesn’t mean you lose yourself as an individual. You can never keep your partner happy if you are not happy yourself.

So, work and focus on yourself. Everything else, including your partner, takes a second seat.

If you want to buy something for yourself, enjoy an activity, or build a career – do that!

Go All Out to fulfill your dreams!

If you compromise for your partner and do not fulfill your desires, you’ll always be unhappy in the marriage. This might become the reason behind the failure of your marriage.

So, don’t lose your focus and work towards making yourself happy first. Everything else will fall back into place.

21. Solve the issues immediately

You probably heard the quote, “Never go to sleep angry.”

Some relationship coaches advise solving problems on the very day so that you can start the next day on a new page.

So, address your problems immediately. If you let it pile up in your heart, it might lead to misunderstandings… which might cause serious trouble in your marriage.

Accept your mistakes and apologize to your partner without playing the blame game. If it’s their fault, tell them what hurts you without blaming them.

22. Make a list of your problems

You married and stayed together for so long because you loved the person. So, obviously, only because of one mistake, you can’t give up on your loving marriage.

In your situation, there’s probably a long list of problems but you repressed them to avoid disputes. Currently, they’re too big to overlook or solve. So, how to fix them?

Well, take out your diary and list all your problems with your partner. Check if these problems have any link among them.

You will soon understand your triggers and ways to fix them.

23. Ask questions

With time, you get fed up fulfilling your professional, family, and marital responsibilities throughout the day. You hardly have the time and energy left for your partner.

So, you silently rest whenever you’re with your partner. Because of this, there’s no communication between you. Possibly, your partner feels like you take them for granted.

How to fix this?

Spare time for your partner even if you are tired. Ask them questions regarding their day, hobbies, wishes, problems, work, etc. They’ll know that you are there for them despite the exhaustion and rekindle your bond.

24. Maintain distance from pessimists

When you go through a rough patch in your marriage, everyone else talks negatively about your bond. Don’t let such negativity hurt you… because it’s just a rough patch… and you can fix that!

If you pay attention to negative comments, you might start believing: You are not a good couple, your partner has too many flaws, and you deserve better.

And, you quit your precious marriage!

Prevent this tragedy…

Instead, avoid interacting with pessimistic people, especially after arguing with your partner.

Never entertain any negative comments about your spouse. I repeat, NEVER! Give your partner the respect you want them to give you.

Let your anger calm down with time before you discuss anything with outsiders. Things might become normal sooner than you expected.

25. Make a plan of action

Map out when your marital problems began, how they started, what you want from each other, and how much exactly you can fix.

Quitting is never the solution… neither in marriage nor in life. So, you don’t have a choice except to face your problems head-on.

So, sit and prepare a plan of action and save your marriage.

26. Share their burden

I understand that marriages aren’t easy. They demand day and night worth of hard work to fulfill responsibilities and meet expectations.

Sometimes, your partner feels burdened by fulfilling them. Especially if they are having a hard time at the office and you expect them to finish the household chores too… it may lead to arguments.

So, try to share your partner’s burden. Don’t let your partner feel that they’re fighting alone for family happiness. Offer a lending hand, especially when they are tired or having a rough patch in life. It shows you care for them.

27. Do not scream at your partner

Some couples yell at each other and argue while fighting. But does that solve problems?

If you want to break your marriage, be my guest and scream!

But if you wish to fix your marriage, screaming or arguing won’t help.

Think rationally about the next step about the problems and ask your partner to support you. Illogical screaming and yelling will only increase the distance between you two.

28. Ask for external help

Often you might not see the problems in your relationship due to your anger and frustration. If this sounds familiar, there’s no harm in asking for external help to save your marriage.

You can ask your family members or friends to be the third eye of your relationship. You both can share your problems with them and let a third person make a neutral decision.

However, remember that often the third person enjoys seeing you fight. So, choose a trustworthy person that genuinely wishes the best for you.

Otherwise, consult a couples therapist for expert help to save your marriage.

29. Invest your time and effort

You get no returns without investment. So, if you expect your marriage to grow without putting in your time, money, and efforts, sorry, it’s not happening!

You must consistently invest your emotions, time, and energy in your marriage for it to last. You cannot be with a person for whom you cannot fight anymore only because you are tired.

30. Stay calm

In your marriage, sometimes, you won’t understand how to deal with problems. Things won’t go as expected. But make sure you don’t lose your temper.

Sit with your spouse and seek solutions together patiently and calmly. Panicking or stressing over a situation can never give you ways to solve the issues. Sometimes, things take time to work out, but eventually, they certainly do!

31. Take a U-turn from assumption alley

Assumptions can kill a person and their relationships as it leads to overthinking and suspicion. Trust me… it is the worst way to kill a relationship because you believe something that has not even happened.

So, even if you have any doubts, always ask your partner instead of assuming. Otherwise, your faith in each other will take a toll.

32. Look for the positives

Whenever you feel negative about your partner, enlist all the good things they have done for you in a journal. This way, you will know your partner is dedicated and devoted towards you and does not just commit mistakes.

After all, you also make mistakes… it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner, right? Look for positives in your partner as it’ll make you love them and solve your disputes as you’ll feel less angry with them.

33. Set boundaries

Whether you’re head over heels in love or are angry, setting and maintaining boundaries is a must in relationships.

Boundaries help you know what’s allowed in your marriage and what might hurt your partner, so you won’t do it.

It is better to pre-define these boundaries, so nobody violates them. This way, you can have a happy marriage.

34. Discuss problems weekly

A healthy marriage without fights doesn’t exist… but you must also remember to fight fairly. Make it a habit to discuss your problems daily or weekly as it suits you.

Clearly communicate your troubles and what you want or expect your partner to do. When you clearly express yourself, your partner won’t need to brainstorm solutions. Similarly, ask your partner to discuss their problems too.

When you are left with no problems, your marriage is already sailing a smooth ride.

35. Plan your future

What’s the point of marriage if you don’t plan a future together? Yes, there may be problems now, but they can end too if you set your eyes on a fulfilling future.

So, discuss what you expect in your marriage in the next ten years. Talk about things you want to achieve with them and how you will do that. These conversations will gradually help them understand that you plan to stay with them through rain and shine.

36. Take little efforts

Even if you are on the verge of separating, don’t stop being kind to them. They are your beloved partner and they deserve the basic efforts.

It can be as simple as cooking their favorite dishes, getting their favorite ice cream, surprising them with breakfast in bed, or leaving their breakfast with a loving note before you go to work.

These little efforts might be all you need to make their heart melt. You will soon notice a sudden shift in their behavior too.

37. Check your tone

Whenever you talk with your partner, be mindful of your tone. Sometimes you mean something good, but your tone makes it look otherwise. It might lead to severe misunderstandings and split you apart.

38. Listen to them

In marriage, you both have equal rights to each other. So, as their partner, you must also listen to them.

I am saying LISTEN, not HEAR.

Ask them questions about the topic. It will make your partner feel you are still present in the conversation and wish to be a part of their everyday life.

39. Take a break

I get it… things might sometimes get difficult to the extent that you don’t even want to see each other’s faces. Often this leads to divorce conversations.

But is that a rational decision or an impulsive one?

Most couples regret rash decisions after splitting.

So, take a break if you don’t want to fall into that category. Don’t talk to each other for a week or month and see if you can live without them, or was it just your anger talking?

40. Give them space

Yes, your partner is married to you, but they deserve some time for themselves too. Give your partner the space to explore life on their own.

Do not crib or complain if they want to hang out with their friends or go on a solo trip. They still have the right to live a happy, individualistic life.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

I know staying married till the end of time is difficult. But marriage is a unique and holy bond… you can notice its beauty only if you try to understand and love your partner.

Look at your marriage from your partner’s perspective… and it will become easy for you to sort out every problem.

A happy marriage might not be everyone’s cup of tea. But you can certainly have one with consistent efforts. Don’t give up too soon. Fight for your partner and not with them. Then, you’ll see the magic already happening.

However, if your marriage turns toxic or abusive, don’t be afraid to walk out of it. You need to keep yourself happy, first!

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