Do you want a monogamous relationship? Perhaps you or your partner follows ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and feel like some exclusivity can do good to your relationship?
Proud that you didn’t demand exclusiveness from your partner in a hurtful way… you’re a considerate human being… and thought of learning more about this topic.
And I’ve got the perfect think-piece to help you.
Well, monogamy isn’t for everyone, but if you think non-monogamy is hurting you, making you feel insecure or jealous… you’ll find the answer in your heart here.
Also, if you’re just curious about monogamy in general, find out all you need to know here.
So, without further ado, let’s find…
Monogamous Relationship Infographics
What is monogamy?
Monogamy is the practice of exclusively bonding in romantic, sexual, emotional, or all of these relationships with only one person at once.
The culture of building sexual or romantic relationships with only one person at a time, instead of multiple people, is known as monogamy.
Traditionally, monogamy was linked with marriage or having only one spouse at a time. However, currently, this is a common term to define exclusively dating or mating with only one partner at a time.
Though people think monogamy is the original relationship style between romantic partners, polygamy existed for centuries.
Next, find out…
What is a monogamous relationship?
An exclusive emotional, romantic, and/or sexual relationship between two partners only is known as a monogamous relationship.
Two people in a monogamous relationship do not share a similar bond with others outside their relationship.
The couple promises to exclusively date each other only as long as the relationship continues.
Currently, monogamous relationships are more common than non-monogamous relationships, despite the history of humankind.
Monogamous couples believe that they have only one destined person for them in the entire world, and they must stay loyal to them in all ways.
But in animals, monogamous relationships are so scarce that only about 3% of mammals engage in them.
To understand better, refer to some…
Monogamy relationship examples
Monogamous relationships have a diverse formula, some might completely stay exclusive to one, some might stay exclusive in the public eye only. Let’s figure out some common scenarios…
1. A person marries only one person (monogamous marriage), rears a family with them, and stays with the same person until the end of time.
2. A person stays exclusive to only one partner at a time. They commit to another person only if they separate from the last relationship.
3. A person satisfies their emotional, physical, sexual, or other needs from only one person – their partner.
4. A person showing up with only a particular partner in social gatherings.
5. A person shares finances with their romantic partner forever.
Compare monogamy and its alternative here…
Monogamy vs non-monogamy
Monogamy and nonmonogamy are completely the polar opposites of each other. However, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach for all.
Tip: Never judge a person based on their relationship preferences.
So, without any delay, let’s enlighten ourselves…
|Basis of Difference||Monogamy||Nonmonogamy|
|Partners||In monogamy, you romantically or sexually bond with only one person at one time.||In nonmonogamy, you sexually or romantically bond with multiple partners at once.|
|Consent||In monogamy, you neither bond with anyone else, nor have the consent to do so.||In nonmonogamy, your partners are aware of every other person you bond with, i.e., you have everyone’s consent.|
|Types||Different types of monogamy include physical (sexual), social, financial, emotional, and activity monogamy.||Different types of nonmonogamy include polygamy, polyamorous relationships, throuples, V relationships, open relationships, swinging, etc.|
|Social Acceptance||Current society accepts monogamy as the default.||Current society looks down on non-monogamy even though it is traditionally popular.|
|Legality||Monogamy is legal in all countries.||Ethical non-monogamy isn’t illegal, although many look down on it.Only polygamy is illegal in multiple nations.|
Since you got a sneak-peek into monogamy types, want to know more about it? Thought so… Let’s dig in then!
Types of Monogamy
Monogamy isn’t just about who you’re dating.
It can include much more than the hearts of two people, like money, social standards, emotions, or even some actions. Sounds complex? Let me break it down for you.
1. Physical (sexual) monogamy
When you have only one sexual partner, and your partner also only has sexual relationships with you… you’re in a physically monogamous relationship.
This is the default definition of a monogamous relationship in the current world.
You touch, hug, kiss and are intimate with only one person at a time.
Physical monogamy isn’t anything bad as long as you choose that and are happy.
2. Social Monogamy
Social monogamy is when you show society that you’re dating only one person, while you might practice non-monogamy without society’s knowledge.
Non-monogamous people sometimes practice social monogamy where they show up to public gatherings in only one person, to avoid society’s wrath on their lifestyle.
In the Victorian era, monogamous marriages occurred between two people of comparable status and wealth.
They must show up in any public gathering together. However, wealthy monogamous couples hardly loved each other, so they had hidden partners. They didn’t want to spill their personal information into society.
3. Financial Monogamy
In long-term relationships, couples open joint bank accounts and agree to share their finances exclusively with and for each other.
However, sometimes if two partners don’t spend money from their common account proportionally to their savings, issues arise in the relationship.
It’s best to discuss the boundaries of using shared finances. Sometimes, people get possessive of their partner’s finances and think only they’re entitled to use them.
Toxic partners might even stop their partners from spending money on parents.
4. Emotional Monogamy
When you and your partner promise to bond with only each other emotionally, you’re in an emotionally monogamous relationship.
A non-monogamous couple can also engage in emotional monogamy, where they only have sexual relationships with other partners… without any emotional or romantic bonds – this is an example of open relationship and swinging.
In polyamorous relationships, couples practice neither physical nor emotional monogamy.
However, if you promise your partner emotional monogamy but break it, it’s emotional cheating.
5. Activity Monogamy
If you and your partner indulge in a nonsexual activity exclusive to only each other, and doing the activity with someone else is off-limits, that’s activity monogamy.
It can be a hobby, a fitness activity, watching movies, or anything you do as a couple.
Since the world widely practices monogamy, there must be some…
Monogamous Relationships Benefits
Most people practicing monogamy around you aren’t forced. They do it because they like it this way.
Even though it doesn’t tend to everyone’s needs in a relationship… it has undeniable benefits, including…
1. Your bodies fit like a glove
When you sleep together with the same partner for years, your bodies naturally find the most comfortable sleeping position together… if you thought sexually, well that’s also a case.
In fact, you’re so comfortable sleeping with one another that you don’t seek anyone else, EVER.
Your partner knows that cuddling too tight is uncomfortable for you… or that you can’t sleep without interlocking your legs with them.
Sleeping with the same person for years has a different charm.
2. Your sexual compatibility is unmatachable
Sex with your partner for the first time is the most awkward sex. However, with time you become comfortable in each other’s presence. You feel confident to bare your skin to them and them alone.
You share a special kind of intimacy with only one person in monogamous relationships. And, you also get to learn each other’s erogenous zones by heart.
With comfort, confidence, and better knowledge of pleasing each other, monogamy can feel the best.
3. Dump stupid beauty standards
A man must have abs, be muscular, wear fitted shirts… a woman must have an hour-glass shape, flawless skin, pretty without makeup.
How disgusting does it sound?
Well, to hunt new partners, you must always look your best to attract potential partners… though that doesn’t mean nobody notices the soul but most don’t.
When you stick to one partner forever, you see each other’s real self, understand their soul, and get past the social standards.
You definitely try looking your best but stay within realistic expectations.
4. Throw STIs out the window
Though the ethically non-monogamous community gives special importance to safer sex practices, no contraceptive barrier is entirely effective. There’s always the chance of contracting some kind of STI.
However, practicing monogamy sexually removes such chances unless you already have any.
You can go down and dirty on each other, i.e., get rid of too many barriers if your STI status is clean.
Also, regularly checking your STI status isn’t compulsory when you have only one partner.
5. You find satisfaction in one person
In nonmonogamy, you have the consent to seek sexual pleasure with multiple partners.
You explore the various endeavors in bed and become addicted to new bodies and types of sexual activities.
Not typically bad, but non-monogamy can make you forget your original partner’s qualities.
Monogamy isn’t a contract that stops a person from cheating. However, your partner will look down on or even dump you for cheating in monogamous relationships.
However, if you’re true to your relationship, you find satisfaction in one person alone… and cease to search for perfection in others’ bodies.
6. Jealousy is nowhere to be seen
Jealousy is an inborn humane characteristic and it’s present in all of us… even a child feels jealous when their parents praise another child.
Even if you follow non-monogamy, you don’t possibly get rid of it… but of course, more partners imply more jealousy.
However, monogamous couples – if they stay true and loyal to each other – have only one partner… which (almost) completely removes the jealousy factor.
If you can’t handle your jealousy well, go for monogamy.
7. You can explore different kinks
Suppose the first time you meet your Tinder date, do you think they’ll allow you, or you’ll feel comfortable with them to have dirty sex?
Of Course not. You need to build a certain level of trust to be completely at someone else’s mercy in bed.
Also, when you have a “plain” sex life with one person only (monogamy), kinky sex makes everything better.
On the flip side, if you regularly have kinky sex with multiple partners, it’ll lose the charm.
8. You promote a healthy world
When more people follow true monogamy, the unfaithful ones have fewer people to cheat with on their unsuspecting partners.
Monogamy reduces cheating in the world, which leads to a healthy world for you, your partner, other couples, and even your children.
If you lure someone’s spouse to cheat today, in the future someone might cheat on your child… karma works in the worst and unexpected ways.
9. You’re never exhausted
Non-monogamous people have multiple sexual or romantic partners… implying more people to satisfy. Whether it is an emotional connection or a sexual one, pleasing multiple people is tiresome.
On some days, you’ll not find any space for yourself… because you’ll be exhausted tending to multiple people.
On the other hand, monogamy gives you enough time and space for yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
You both get enough time to bond with friends and family too even after work on weekdays.
10. Monogamy cherishes your heart
Don’t follow monogamy because your religion, parents, or even the law enforces you to… rather follow it because of how you and your partner can stay faithful, loyal, respect, and honor each other.
In monogamy, you build a lifetime bond with one person who’ll always have your back. Monogamy isn’t a ticket to no fights… but one to endless support.
If you don’t stay faithful to one person in your life, everyone without an emotional bond will leave you in the murky waters.
But like every other relationship in the world, there are…
Monogamous Relationship Challenges
If you want to sustain a relationship, there will be obstacles – no matter what kind you choose – monogamous or non-monogamous.
However, challenges in monogamous relationships are much different than ethically non-monogamous ones.
1. It might encourage possessiveness
If jealousy is an “issue” in your life, and you choose monogamy because you’re possessive of your mate, monogamy might worsen your situation.
But your partner dates only you, so how does it aggravate jealousy?
Well, when it’s a mental issue, you’ll feel paranoid that your partner is cheating on you. Their loyalty feeds your possessive trait and worsens the situation.
Later you might feel like stopping them from meeting others outside your relationship. All because you want to test their loyalty towards you.
2. You miss out on a variety
If your heart wants variety in sex but your partner doesn’t, monogamy can be a major turn-off for you. You won’t be able to fulfill your desires in life.
When people can’t fulfill their carnal desires in their monogamous relationship, they have thoughts of cheating.
If you’re into bondage, your partner isn’t, but your colleague is… you can’t but imagine getting dirty with your colleague. This leads to affairs and broken relationships.
3. It might breed unhealthy expectations
You must accept that your partner isn’t a superhuman. They can’t be a multi-millionaire, great comedians, good in bed, or great cooks all at once. Despite their perfectionism, they will lack in certain areas.
If you dream of a fairy-tale romantic partner with the best of everything, monogamy won’t realize your dreams.
You might have unreasonable and extreme expectations from your partner in monogamy because “your partner is responsible for all of your needs”. However, one person alone can’t satisfy you in all ways.
4. You might aggravate codependency
If you completely depend on your partner for everything, ignore your friends and family for your partner because you want to please your partner… you might be codependent.
You or your partner might not instantly identify codependency symptoms, and feed on your codependent needs. In the long run, you will lose confidence and self-esteem.
Sometimes monogamous couples restrict each other from bonding in outside non-romantic relationships, which also instills codependency.
5. Heartbreaks are intense
When you love the wrong person with all your heart, and they break up or cheat on you… you can never undo the damage.
Love is a precious feeling, and sometimes you don’t meet the one instantly. Instead, you meet someone who is nothing but a lesson on what you must not do in love.
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been through such dark lanes.
However, when you’re a monogamist from deep within, you can’t find perfection in anybody else. And when your partner leaves you, you feel a huge hollow with nobody to fill it.
So, if there are downsides, why choose monogamy? Well, here are a few…
Reasons a person may choose Monogamous Relationship
If you’re not sure which relationship style suits you, well you gotta track some signs that monogamy is your perfect fit.
If you relate to several reasons enlisted here, then you’re definitely made for monogamy.
Let’s dive into your truth without much delay…
1. You want to be the one
If you romanticize being the only special person for one person in the entire world, and love how it feels to get their undivided attention at all times, you might choose monogamy.
Deep inside, you want to monopolize your partner (hopefully in a good way) and have them all to yourself as they return the favor.
2. You hate juggling
You think that handling one partner at a time is already a huge blessing and that you can’t or mustn’t play around with multiple hearts.
You’re aware that you don’t want to please multiple people simultaneously, and believe in cherishing one person forever.
3. You like simple things
The world is plenty complicated so you prefer to keep things in your personal life simple and sweet. You need love from only one person to be strong and fight back with the world all over.
You want to nourish a single relationship with all you got and you’re happy with it… so monogamy is your best bet.
4. You can’t invest in many relationships
Ethical non-monogamy or not, you can’t invest time, energy, or resources in multiple relationships.
You feel one relationship is already a lot of work, and can’t imagine investing so much in multiple people at a time.
If you have such thoughts, you’re a monogamist by heart. The thought of multiple relationships scares you beyond words, so you stick to one person.
5. You feel fulfilled with one
If you feel that your partner suffices you in all possible means, you’ll feel they’re flawless and just the perfect fit for you.
If you think your partner completes you, then you might choose monogamy.
You don’t want any other relationships because you don’t need them. You’re satisfied with one person and aren’t greedy for more.
6. You’re not a multi-tasker
You feel you can’t multi-task for multiple relationships.
Think focussing on one partner is easy and comfortable? Monogamy is definitely for you.
Relationships need emotions, and if you don’t have enough to spare for others, that’s your sign.
7. Too many is uncomfortable
If you feel that “multiple partners” sounds uncomfortable… or, find comfort in what you’ve seen since birth – monogamy – then you’ll always choose monogamy over non-monogamy.
You genuinely feel good about monogamy and comfort and happiness is all that matters when it comes to romantic relationships.
8. You can’t spare the green-eyed monster
If you’re constantly searching for ways to minimize any possible scope of jealousy in your relationship, it’s a clear sign that you’re headed to monogamy-land.
You don’t support jealousy even if it’s to tease your partner. Rather, you believe in building a romantic bond without such feelings.
9. You want what your love wants
If you love your partner beyond words, always eagerly ready to satisfy them, then monogamy is for you.
And when your partner is a monogamist, how can you not give them that? You believe in making your partner happy… whatever it may take.
10. You respect your culture
If your culture or religion asks you to stay faithful to only one person, and you follow your cultural or religious practices seriously, you’ll always choose monogamy.
In a monogamous relationship, but don’t know how to make things better? Here are some…
Ways to Make a Monogamous relationship work
Don’t expect a monogamous relationship to work any easier than a non-monogamous one because fewer people are involved. Be it between two or among many, relationships are always hard and complicated.
So, here’s your cheat sheet to make your monogamous relationship work…
1. Be honest, no matter what
Not just monogamy, but you must communicate honestly to make any kind of relationship work.
In monogamy, both of you must honestly speak about what makes or breaks your deal.
If you can talk about your emotions to each other, you won’t have a hard time dealing with the troubles… rather you’ll reinforce your loving relationship.
2. Try different sexual adventures
Sex is really important in monogamy… you both only have each other to realize your dirty dreams.
If your partner is into something intense that scares you, never refuse them. Instead, tell them that you fear the act and want to go slow. Rejection leads to frustration and cheating.
Also, if you’re into rough sex, ask if your partner is okay, promise them you won’t hurt them and tend to their fears. Experience the depth of adventures in bed together.
3. Shun the temptation
Neither you nor your partner is perfect… nobody is. You’ll always find someone who is somehow better than your partner.
However, if you’re “in love”, you don’t seek perfection in anybody else… because your quest is over once you found your love.
So, don’t let your orbs wander for small pleasures… why waste your current relationship over a moment’s pleasure? Is a well-shaped body for one night really worth damaging years of emotions?
Also, if you love your partner, you can’t NOT care about their feelings.
4. Efforts and more efforts
What are romantic relationships? Two people doing couple-like things – which is very limited – and repeat. Sounds boring? Well, it is.
Romantic relationships aren’t fairy-tales. You still live the same life, only this time you have a partner who showers love on you. If love, emotional bonds, and sex are not enough, put in more effort.
5. Share your ultimate dreams
Sometimes monogamous marriages don’t last because people don’t discuss their dreams.
For instance, one person wants to make more money to sustain the family, while the other feels lonely and desires attention.
Whether you’re monogamously dating or married, you must always keep your partner in the loop about your feelings, emotions, and even goals in life.
Remember you’re a team, you’ll function better when you cover for each other’s shortcomings. Always ensure that you have the same dreams, if not, compromise for something in between.
6. Break the monotone with vacations
Monogamy need not lead to monotone in your life. Instead of finding excitement in your life with cheating, replace them with exotic memories of vacations.
Experience something new in a new land, and understand each other better while traveling. Share some revitalizing experiences to deepen your bonds.
Your job schej might be tough, but make time for each other if you want this relationship to last. If not too much, plan an annual vacation.
7. Invest some time outside
Your monogamous relationship gives you enough love, however, you can’t forget your age-old friends over your relationship. After all, they were beside you even before you met this fabulous person.
Also, when you face troubles in your relationship, the best way is to seek some friends’ opinions. But don’t overhype what happened, else your friends will pester you to break up.
Notice the obvious things with your friends’ help and understand your partner is only a human.
8. Optimism paves the way
If you feel that your relationship won’t work out, you lose the will to make it work. What makes you believe you can’t defeat the challenges?
Also, you’ll begin romanticizing others very quickly if you give up on your relationship so fast.
Bad things happen, you defeat them, some defeat you… that’s how life works out. Happily-ever-afters is about constant optimism, not constant joy.
9. Give and take time
You’re both human beings… you’ll lose temper, have fights, and that’s normal. The happy couples on Instagram or YouTube are not always happy.
Relationships don’t work that way, you both need patience. If both of you lose your mind together, your bond may face a wrath.
Also, if you’re too hard on your partner, they’ll find someone else to soothe their wounds… and you don’t want that.
10. Never objectify each other
Your partner isn’t an object or a slave… they’re a human and need love, support, attention, respect and so much more. They belong in your heart, not your bed, kitchen, or wallet.
If you mistreat them, they’ll find someone who treats them right and they deserve it. So, be the person your partner deserves… make them happy with all you got.
Demand the same if they neglect you. Never let your needs go unnoticed.
11. Take them out
What do people do the most when they get in a relationship? Spend lots of time on dates. And usually, people make date-memories at the beginning of a new relationship.
So, what happens when the relationship grows old? Let’s not make excuses like you’re out of ideas. Rather, you don’t want to make the effort anymore.
Don’t do that to your relationship, buddy. Plan some date nights and tell them that you love them still… and always will.
12. Plan surprises when in doubt
You may have been experiencing moments when you want to do something for your partner, but are out of ideas. That happens, but don’t worry too much.
Plan something thoughtful… If you know something caught their eye, buy it for them.
It might be a dress, a crockery set, or even a game. Be observant about their needs if you love them. You’ll find plenty of ideas to surprise them. Also, surprises keep your relationship romantic and exciting.
13. Make something together
Add some spark to your otherwise routine-life with new hobbies. Get in a pottery or cooking class together, or join the gym for a healthier future.
Don’t worry if you both aren’t into the same hobbies… your monogamous relationship isn’t doomed, it’s diverse.
Invest in different hobbies if that’s your style and share your fun stories with each other.
14. Celebrate your anniversaries
Whether you’re married or not, anniversaries must hold deep meaning to your hearts. In life’s busy hum-drum you forget the special dates… which may not seem a concern now, but over the years, the issue exaggerates.
Whether you go on a date or not, at least get on the call and make promises for forever and after.
Reminisce about the first day of your relationship or marriage for a few minutes to honor the bond.
15. Expand your horizons
The world doesn’t end at what you feel and deal with… your partner faces challenges too. Never mock their hardships, don’t say “Your problem doesn’t hold a candle to mine”.
Everyone’s life is different so accept the fact that what’s easy for you might be troublesome for your partner. Make them believe that you don’t judge them for their experiences.
Your bond will grow stronger if you’re careful about your attitude.
16. Keep the dom-sub game in bed
You might be the financial backbone in your relationship, meanwhile, your partner handles household matters. So, who makes the financial decisions, is it you alone?
You need money to manage a household too and if you have parents and children… more reasons. So, allow your partner access to your finances if you want a happy relationship.
In monogamous relationships, one party might overpower the other which leads to dissatisfaction and broken relationships.
17. Believe you’re lucky
Saw a happy couple on Facebook and felt jealous? Think a sexier spouse can improve your life?
Perhaps you don’t know that all relationships have troubles and you need to make it work yourself.
People realize their treasures only when they lose them… don’t be one of them.
18. Discuss your boundaries
Following a monogamist life doesn’t imply you must only feel pleasure with your partner. Talk to your partner if they mind you fantasizing or watching porn for pleasure.
In a long-term relationship, you need more excitement… So how do you want to spice things up while you stay monogamous? Watch porn together while you get frisky perhaps?
It’s your relationship, work out in unique ways.
19. Consult therapists
If you’re a monogamist but your partner isn’t, but they changed their lifestyle for love, that’s commendable. However, a non-monogamist can’t become a monogamist instantly.
Things in bed might not be so fun for them, so consult a sex therapist to mitigate any troubles in your relationship.
20. Don’t force it
If monogamy isn’t your thing, that’s alright. If you and your current partner can’t adjust to each other’s needs, break things off.
Both of your hearts want different things in life… so, it’s time to bid your farewell on a good note. It will be hard, but you both will be happy in the future.
Well, if monogamy is really hard for you, then consider tallying with some…
Signs Monogamy may not be for you
You might like monogamy, and that’s okay. However, don’t consider seeing others or cheating on your partner to know if nonmonogamy feels better.
Read through these signs, if you relate to even half of what’s listed… It’s time to have a “non-monogamous” discussion with your partner.
1. Your heart beats for others
While in a relationship, if you feel attracted to others, emotionally, sexually, or romantically, time to reconsider your relationship style.
You either don’t really love your partner, or you love both your partner and the outsider. If it’s the second, you might be a non-monogamist.
2. Non-monogamy excites you
If you read and watch lots of ENM content, for pleasure or simply as a past-time… more than monogamous ones, monogamy might not be your thing.
Your brain clearly shows you like ENM, and you just haven’t been observant about the signs.
3. You have a cheating history
If you cheated in past monogamous relationships multiple times or considered it, that’s a red flag. Also, feeling happy with your partner yet cheating on them implies two things –
Either you have an unidentified urgency to cheat (a mental health issue), or you don’t have any motives at all… for both cases monogamy is out of the question for you.
4. Monogamy strangles you
If you feel being with one romantic partner at a time stops you from being you… or, you feel caged, made to pretend somebody you aren’t… you might not be into monogamy.
Moreover, if you have a loving partner and a healthy relationship, yet unhappy with the situation, that’s a sign of being a non-monogamist.
5. You acknowledged different needs
You understand that everyone isn’t well-equipped in all aspects, and you’re fine with that. However, since one person can’t fulfill your desires completely, you want more.
You believe more relationships can satisfy you in different ways, and you’ll truly be happy with that… then monogamy isn’t for you.
6. You miss the single life
Some people regret being in a relationship even if they have a peaceful healthy relationship. More precisely, they miss how they flirted with everyone in their singledom.
Now that they’ve committed to monogamy, they can’t do it anymore. If you’re similarly frustrated in your relationship, monogamy isn’t for you.
7. You’re cool with jealousy
Perhaps you imagined your partner with others and such thoughts never hurt you. Or, even if you feel jealous about the situation, you handle them maturely… those are signs that monogamy isn’t your game.
8. You have an endless reservoir for love
If you feel that loving only one person is too little, or you can love several people romantically simultaneously without hurting anyone… it implies you’re not made for monogamy.
9. You have a curious soul
If you always want to find something new in someone else, even when you’re dating… you have a curious heart.
You aren’t satisfied knowing one person, you want to know more about others… and that implies just what you thought.
10. You’re in a dilemma
If you can’t decide between sexual variety with new partners and commitment from your long-term lover, some might call you fickle.
You hate how the world or even your lover wants you to stay with only one partner… this is a sign to move on from monogamy.
11. You follow serial monogamy
Do you always find yourself hopping between relationships without a break? You might be a serial monogamist.
Serial monogamy is quite similar to non-monogamy as you leave the last lover for new excitement and love.
You want something fresh in your life, and since you can’t have both together, you move on.
12. You feel something is amiss
Even if you love your partner, have a healthy loving relationship, yet feel something’s wrong with your relationship… or more precisely, you want more… you’re not happy with a monogamous life.
You want more and aren’t sure because society calls monogamy normal.
13. You want to set your partner free
If you feel you’re limiting your partner in your relationship, or that they’ll be happier with multiple partners… you’re into non-monogamy.
Well, it’s also possible that you don’t want to practice non-monogamy yourself but are cool with your partner practicing it. You feel more fulfilled and satisfied with this thought.
14. You’re an emotion explorer
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) results in many complex emotions in human beings, like possessiveness, jealousy, and even compersion.
If you passionately want to explore all possible emotions from dating multiple partners, monogamy isn’t your field.
Instead, you want to become an honest person and have good communication skills with ENM.
15. Your boundaries are different
If you often discuss boundaries in your relationship, but your boundaries don’t seem normal to your monogamist partner, something’s up.
Perhaps you’re alright with flirting with others, but they feel offended. Or, you think one-night stands are no issue with proper protection, but they think it’s cheating… then you’re not the one for monogamy.
If your partner is into non-monogamy, but you want exclusivity, learn…
How to talk about monogamy with your partner?
If you or your partner practice non-monogamy, but you want a monogamous relationship… or, if you feel your partner is attracted to others or doesn’t take exclusiveness seriously, you need to talk about monogamy.
Follow these steps for a smooth conversation…
1. Discuss your desires
Firstly, tell your partner honestly that you want monogamy for various monogamy benefits. Talk about the benefits of monogamy that attracted you.
Perhaps you like the idea of exclusiveness and want that. Whatever might be on your mind, share it. However, don’t blame or shame them for not being monogamist or normal.
2. Share this piece
A person into non-monogamy may not think positively about monogamous relationships.
Share this think-piece with your partner, allow them some space to ponder on this subject. If you give them some space, they’ll understand the gravity of this topic of discussion.
Don’t force them as then it may trigger a completely opposite reaction.
3. Know their desires
Your relationship is about the both of you… so know what your partner wants. Do they want to casually date or have casual sex with others? What do they want in their relationship actually?
Also, if they’ll change or compromise for you, how much will it be? Know if you’re both on the same page or not, understand if this relationship has any future.
4. Share your definition
What do you understand about monogamy? Do you want complete exclusiveness or only emotional and romantic exclusiveness?
Which kind of behavior is normal for monogamy in your opinion? What do you think is non-monogamous and crossing boundaries?
List out the traits and share them with your partner.
5. Define boundaries
If your partner is on-board for monogamy, congratulations!
Now it’s time to set some boundaries…
What kind of outside relationship will you tolerate? How much physical contact with outsiders are you cool with?
Will you allow your partner to indulge in harmless flirting? How frequently will you two further talk about your needs?
Also, check in with each other weekly to ensure everything’s fine in your relationship.
Probably you still have lots to ask… that’s why let’s move on to…
FAQs about Monogamy
So, which one do you want in your life, monogamy or ENM? Still can’t decide which relationship style suits you or your partner?
Of course, it’s a hard decision, and you don’t want to hurt your partner with rash decisions. To quench your curiosity about monogamy, find more information on it here.
A relationship is built between two people… so the question is if monogamy is suitable for the two people. In many cases, people were more committed to long-term ENM.
People compare commitments and exclusiveness and think they’re the same… they aren’t though.
Commitment defines sustaining your relationships – personal, professional, social, etc. Exclusiveness defines a relationship with one person only.
Your relationship is a mixture of several factors in your life. So, whether or not it’s “better” for you… completely depends on you
Some research states that monogamy creates a good environment for a child’s upbringing, and gender equality.
Say, in polygamy a male might engage with multiple women, but women usually don’t get equal freedom.
However, other research says monogamy has a connection with patriarchy. For instance, after a child is born, they receive the father’s surname as they’re their property.
During the marriage, the bride’s father donates the bride to the groom and she then becomes her husband’s property.
Though everyone isn’t the same, many businesses still pay women less for equal efforts.
Also, expenses keep growing, but salaries don’t… and child-rearing is equally expensive and needs attention.
Non-monogamous families can take care of the children when both parents are busy earning, and also have more resources because of multiple financial supports.
So, it depends on what makes the people – which builds society – happy.
Before you answer this, find out your deepest desires.
What you see in your society, culture, religion, family, and surroundings morph into your desires. Your kind of normal depends on what you learned since childhood.
So, dig deep into your heart to know if you’re the right fit for monogamy. To ensure check Reasons a person may choose Monogamous Relationship from this think-piece.
The first thing that comes to your mind after hearing the word monogamy is – mating with only one person.
However, if you or your partner doesn’t demand sexual monogamy, but the other types of monogamy in your relationship… then you can call your relationship monogamous.
It all comes down to how you define monogamy and your boundaries.
When you’re completely monogamous with your partner, i.e., don’t have any hidden secrets, don’t use white lies, communicate honestly, don’t fear each other’s judgment, it’s conscious monogamy.
Conscious monogamy is a combination of emotional and sexual monogamy. Most people can be sexual monogamists, but complete emotional monogamy is tough.
To have conscious monogamy, you mustn’t be afraid of saying what’s on your mind because of hurting the other or yourself.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Whether a person wants monogamy or not, there’s no one size fits all glove for everyone. Being a non-monogamist doesn’t imply you’re a bad person. Or, being a monogamist doesn’t mean you’re not open-minded.
Everybody has their own thing and you’re entitled to be whatever you desire.
Perhaps nobody told you this today, but you’re a great person to even research your relationship structure, instead of taking yourself or your partner for granted.
If you and your partner have different opinions on relationship style, and nobody wants to yield to others. It’s okay, grieve and break up. You’ll soon find happiness, so don’t lose hope.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...