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Dating an Introvert – How It is like and How can you do it better?

Dating an Introvert – How It is like and How can you do it better?

Updated on Aug 03, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Dating an Introvert – How It is like and How can you do it better

Dating an introvert might be making you question a lot of things. You’re not really sure how they feel about you since they don’t express themselves very often.

However, an introverted partner can be one of the warmest and kindest. It’s just that their personality trait doesn’t make them come out of their shell.

If you’re dating an introvert and you wish to know how to sail things smoothly between you both, then you’ve come to the right place. So, come on, let’s start!

Dating an Introvert – How It is like and How can you do it better
Dating an Introvert – How It is like and How can you do it better

Dating an Introvert – 30 Tips

Dealing with an introvert and their wishes isn’t as tough as you might think. All you need is a bit of patience and honest communication skills. And your love story will become even better if you’re an extrovert but your partner is an introvert (opposites really do attract, don’t they?)!

So, if you want to find out how to date an introvert and make the most of your relationship, I am here!

I will tell you how to make your relationship work beautifully.

1. Accept them for who they are

If you’re an extrovert and your partner is an introvert, you have to accept each other the way you are.

Introverts don’t like sitting in large groups and that’s completely okay. Most times, people try to change their partners and mold them into someone that they want. But this will simply ruin your relationship in the long run.

Don’t judge your significant other or pressurize them into doing things that they don’t want to do.

Introverts like a partner who takes things slowly and reflects on things. Take them out to new places but give them their space too.

2. Be their secret-keeper!

Your introverted partner will always feel comfortable coming to you and sharing their fears and ambitions.

This is because they believe that you’ll listen to them and understand them like nobody else. To make your relationship blossom, you need to be their safe space and secret-keeper.

Make sure that you let your partner know that their dreams are valid and you’re there to drive away all fears.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend feels that talking or doing little things like sharing things about each other is a competition, they’ll lose interest in the relationship.

3. Make the connection real

Did you know that the best part of dating an introvert is the opportunity to make a genuine connection with them? When you’re in a serious relationship with an introvert, you can be sure that they’ll be happy with a deeper bond rather than small talk and superficial things.

So instead of taking them out on fancy dates or buying them shiny things, you need to get to know them inside out.  

Of course, I’m not telling you to not do something special for your loved one. But don’t indulge in superficial things only because that will not strengthen your bond.

4. Plan the dates carefully

This is a really important tip I’m going to tell you. Instead of taking out your partner to a meeting with your colleagues, take them out on quiet dinner dates first.

If they’re forced into an environment where they’re forced into meeting new people, it will be extremely overwhelming for them. Plus, you won’t get to enjoy it too.

So, try taking them out to quiet places first where only you both spend time together. Focus on each other and let them in your world gradually.

If you’re not sure what sort of environment they would like to be a part of, you can always ask them!

5. Be friends with silence!

You might not like it at first, but silence will ask you to be your friend when you date an introvert. For example, if your partner wants some time alone, don’t take it personally or get offended.

In fact, it’s pretty common for an introverted person to shut off for a few hours and not spend time with you. It doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.

Rest assured, once they feel refreshed and recharged, they will come to you themselves and give you a warm hug!

You should also note that they might take quite a lot of time to open up when something is bothering them. So, you’ll have to learn to sit through the silence.

6. Identify their strengths

Contrary to popular belief, introverts are really strong from the inside. Just because they keep to themselves, it doesn’t mean they are mentally or emotionally weak.

When you spend some time with your introverted partner, you’ll notice so many wonderful traits about them. Instead of focusing on what you don’t understand about introversion, look at their strengths and talents.

These people know how to spend time by themselves and be productive. Or maybe your partner doesn’t talk much but when they do, they always offer deep and insightful advice.

These qualities are what made you fall in love with them, right? Therefore, keep reminding them of these lovely qualities!

7. Make the first move!

So, you really like this girl in your workplace but she seems pretty quiet and shy. Well, don’t wait for her to approach you; do it yourself!

An introverted woman may or may not be shy but if she is, then it’s up to you to get your game face on. Shy introverts don’t always feel comfortable approaching someone and asking them out. They mostly tend to smile without saying much.

So, if you’re truly interested in her, make the first move. Don’t dismiss the subtle signs and ask them out already! 😉

8. Be supportive

When introverts and extroverts date each other, there can be a conflict of their beliefs.

While you might think that going out with your gang for a couple of beers is the best way to relax, your introverted partner might not agree with you.

For them, sitting quietly at home and watching movies can be the ideal way to relax.

In these situations, it’s important to support your partner and understand their methods of doing something. Just like he supports you when you want to party hard, you need to support him equally when he doesn’t feel like going out.

9. The key is patience

Let me tell you a fun fact – most introverts actually have amazing communication skills. They might even hold high-profile jobs that require strong communication skills!

But when it comes to matters of the heart, many introverts feel awkward, especially if the one you’re dating is an introverted man.

Unlike an extrovert who speaks out what they think, an introvert requires time to open up. It’s essential to give them the time they need.

Maybe your partner texts a lot and communicates via texts or calls but when you meet them, they’re quiet. Don’t be perplexed, just take a breath and be patient.

10. Be comfortable with texting

If you prefer phone calls or going out on dates, then texting constantly might be annoying to you. But as I said you need to compromise and do things that will make your partner feel comfortable.

Introverts largely prefer texting to calls or even meetups because texting doesn’t require them to actually speak with someone else.

If your partner wishes to communicate mainly via text, try doing it for their sake. You can even allot specific times when you both will text and when you’ll call each other.

Moreover, as you both start texting more frequently, your partner will surely get more comfortable to eventually switch to phone calls.

11. Find a balance

For any relationship to work, irrespective of the individual’s personality type or love language, it’s necessary to find a balance.

You both have to figure out fun things to do with each other so that you connect well and the relationship becomes healthy. Since you and your partner’s hobbies will be vastly different, try to reach a middle ground.

For example, if you want to spend a Friday night hitting the club but your partner wants to prepare a romantic date at home, you can manage both. Go to the club early, leave early, and be back home for your candlelight dinner!

12. Resolve problems together

Conflicts are a pretty natural part of a relationship. In fact, many relationship experts believe that conflicts are needed to sustain the chemistry between two lovers.

However, the more important part is how you and your partner resolve these conflicts.

While extroverts like to address the issue then and there (and loudly!), introverts prefer to spend some time thinking and then making decisions. There’s no right or wrong here; it’s just a matter of preference.

As a couple, it’s up to you to understand your partner and reach an understanding. Take a break for some minutes after a heated argument.

13. Speak up about your needs…

Your relationship can become meaningful and deep if you know how to speak your mind. However, even if you’re an extrovert, it might sometimes get tough for you to say how you feel… and same goes for your partner.  

Respect your partner’s wishes and solitude but also make sure to make your opinions heard. Don’t simply fight or be silent all the time. Your partner might not be understanding that their needs are vastly different from yours.

So, make your points clear and tell them why you feel a certain way about something. The trick here is to ensure that neither of you feel suffocated or disrespected.

14. But also listen to your sweetheart’s needs!

Now, when I talk about communicating about your wants out loud, it also implies that this needs to be two-way traffic. If you keep talking about what you want instead of paying attention to what your partner wants, your relationship won’t survive for long.

An introvert might take time to say their feelings out loud but it doesn’t mean they should be ignored. Tell your partner that you both are in this together, and their opinions matter equally.

If they’re still unsure, you can ask them for their opinions on little things like what clothes you’ll wear to work or what you should order for takeout.

15. Listen when your partner has something to say

Sometimes, an extrovert can misinterpret an introvert’s silence as a cue to talk more. But in reality, your introverted partner might have a lot to share.

For example, when you’re with a group of friends and the topic is related to something your significant other is good at, you should let them steer the conversation. You can start by saying, “You know what? My partner knows a lot about this. Honey, why don’t you share some insights?”.

This will not only make your partner love you even more but also give them the opportunity to let others know how knowledgeable they are!

16. Have a safe word (or phrase)

In the early stages of your relationship, you won’t be too familiar with your partner’s preferences. That’s why it’s important to come up with a safe word or phrase.

This helps them to give a voice to their thoughts and feelings and also lets you know what your boyfriend or girlfriend is uncomfortable with.

For example, in a crowded social gathering or an awkward social setting, your partner can easily whisper the safe word to you and you’ll take them to a quieter space. The safe word or phrase can also be a certain “look” or hand language!

17. Keep sexual preferences in mind

There is a general consensus that introverts aren’t really the kinky type when it comes to sex. But this isn’t true. While a few introverts are missionary-loving people, a lot of them want to rock the bed using conventional methods.

If you’re someone who wants to try out new things, you can always do that but only when both of you are comfortable with it. Have sex but always be mindful of your partner’s preferences. Never do anything they’re uncomfortable with.

Even if they don’t outright tell you, their body language or facial expressions will give you strong hints about whether they’re really into it or not.

18. Ask them questions (but not too many!)

Asking questions is a great way to know what your significant other likes. But when you’re asking them certain things, don’t overdo it.

If you constantly keep bombarding your date with a million questions right from the start, they’ll view you as desperate or too pushy.

Also, if you both have just started to see each other, don’t jump into intimate questions.

Start with something general, such as, “I notice you often wear blue. Is that your favorite color?” and then take it from there. As I’ve already said, patience is the key. So don’t be afraid to ask questions but make sure to not miss out on meaningful ones!

19. Spend time on foreplay and post-sex cuddles

Any successful relationship is incomplete without sex. But did you know that introverts value the time before and after sex as more valuable?

For example, the way you do foreplay and heat your partner up is a big game-changer here. Similarly, after having sex, make sure to cuddle with them and tell them how amazing it felt to be that close.

Your introverted partner might not be actively fishing for compliments but it doesn’t hurt to appreciate them, right? Shake the bed when you both are in the mood but if you wish to shake their world, then pay attention to foreplay and sex afterglow!

20. Give them prior notice before attending social functions

As you already know, introverts prefer to stay home rather than go out and attend functions. However, sometimes it can be necessary for them to accompany you, especially at a business dinner or a friend’s birthday party or marriage.

In these situations, it’s best to tell your partner about this event beforehand so that they can stay calm and composed when the big day arrives.

It may not be a big deal to you but to your partner, not being notified of a get-together can be stressful. So, make sure you clearly state the date, time, and venue at least 3-4 days earlier.

21. Take care of their mental health

If you’re dating an introvert with anxiety or any other mental health issue, you might have to put in more effort as compared to others.

Even though the job might be tiring at times, you have to remember that mental health is a common problem among people nowadays.

Taking care of your partner’s mental health (along with their physical health) is of utmost priority. When they go through their bad days, only you can make them smile and look forward to a better day… so do all that you can to achieve that.  

22. Make efforts to fit into their world

An introvert’s world is a pretty small one. So, it won’t really take much time for you to fit into their world, provided you make an effort.

Even if something isn’t your ideal way of spending an afternoon or doing a certain thing, you should try and make an effort. Who knows, your partner might be putting in equal effort to fit into your world too!

For example, you can suggest they spend a weekend indoors instead of going out. Not only will they be moved by this warm gesture but they will also understand how much you love them.

23. Gradually introduce them to your social circle

Make your significant other a part of your social circle but don’t rush it. If you force your partner in the middle of people they barely know, it won’t do any good.

Start by introducing them to your best friend. Next, take them out to meet your colleagues or other friends.

When things are pretty serious between you both, that is when you can take the big step and take them to your house to visit your parents.

By this time, your partner will have a fair idea of your social circle and they won’t feel too awkward fitting in with your people.

24. Cut the drama!

Nobody likes unnecessary drama and the introverts… they absolutely hate it! If doing grand things with a lot of flair and drama is your style then, unfortunately, you have to cut it down.

Remember three important words: boundaries, confidence, and healthy conflict resolution. So, when you and your partner are attempting to resolve the problems, try to tone down the drama and nonsense.

Introverts want their dream partner to be mature and handle things calmly. So, try and find a common ground, my friend.

25. Impress them, yes, but don’t overdo it

If you keep shouting how much you love her by blasting music on a boombox outside her window, or if you keep telling him your feelings by taking him on roller-coaster rides, they’ll be frightened out of their wits.

Since introverts are quiet by nature, they don’t like flashy things or stuff that is overly cheesy.

However, this is just a general opinion; your partner might actually like pomp and splendor. So once again, I’d advise you to take note of the kind of things your partner actually likes.

26. Make time and space for them

This is especially valid if you’re in a long-distance relationship with your introverted partner. Your partner might really miss you but won’t be able to express their thoughts out loud for fear of being clingy. It’s up to you to understand them.

Even if you’re living together, make it a point to spend at least an hour or two with your significant other and do things that you both like.

Fitting some lovey-dovey times into your busy schedule will mean so much to them and will also keep your relationship afloat.

27. Gift them meaningful items

I’ve already told you that when you’re dating an introvert, it’s the emotional and mental connection that matter. But this doesn’t mean you’ll not gift them small things, right? Just make sure that whatever you give them has a story behind it.

For example, make a special playlist for your girlfriend or boyfriend that contains all their favorite songs. Or gift them a cute pendant with a picture of you both inside it.

You don’t have to choose fancy or overly-expensive items; anything that holds value in your partner’s life will be the ideal gift!

28. Don’t lose your temper with them

When your partner tends to turn silent or bottle up their feelings, it can be annoying for you to handle all that. Being an extrovert, it’s easy for you to be outspoken and bold. But as I said, being patient and understanding is the key to winning an introvert’s heart.

Even when you want to snap at your partner, it’s better to explain to them calmly why you’re angry or irritated. Also, if they don’t wish to go out or socialize, don’t pressurize them. You have to understand the fact that your partner is wired that way.  

29. Show them non-sexual affection too

The play in the bed definitely spices up our lives, but what about non-sexual physical intimacy? An introvert isn’t always ready to jump into bed and do the deed.

However, if you show them some other forms of physical intimacy, such as holding their hand while walking or stroking their hair, they’re sure to stay with you forever! In fact, non-sexual physical intimacy is thought to be more precious than the sexual ones.

So, the next time they come home from work, looking tired and drained out, give them a hug and kiss them tenderly.

30. Defend them in public. Always!

Imagine a situation where your friend or someone you know is constantly bothering your partner or asking them uncomfortable questions like, “Why are you so quiet all the time?”. What do you do then? Simple- defend your partner!

Even if they’re capable of answering themselves, introverts might not always talk back or argue, especially in public. So, it’s your job to make your soulmate feel safe and secure.

Politely tell the person that they’re being inappropriate and show them how beautiful and unique your significant other is, both from the inside and outside.

What it’s like dating an introvert?

Dating an introvert isn’t so different from dating someone else. No matter what sort of personality your partner has, there will always be a learning curve in your relationship.

Introverts and extroverts actually make a great match but since the decision is bi-directional, each of you will have to adjust accordingly. If you’re an extrovert and your partner is an introvert, then you might find it difficult to first understand their world and where they come from. The same goes for them; they’ll probably be really confused when they see you socializing frequently and being bold.

All you have to do is make different compromises and look at your relationship as a teamwork rather than a sacrifice. If both of you work equally hard, then navigating through the relationship will be a piece of cake!

What you must know about dating an introvert?

Whether you identify as an introvert, extrovert, or an ambivert, everyone can benefit from a bit of “alone time”.

But if you feel that your partner is always hesitant on meeting large groups, then you already know your partner is an introvert.

So, before I bid you goodbye until next time, here are some fun facts about dating introverts that you probably didn’t know!

1. Introverts dating each other can be pretty healthy

Should an introvert date an introvert? Well, yes, of course! Even though people think that two introverts dating each other is a bad idea, I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

When two introverts date, they find comfort and warmth in each other. The understanding is deeper and so is the emotional connection. And since both of them like to do the same kind of things, there’s not much clash of opinions.

However, open communication has to be vital here. If both partners are closed off, it can cause problems.

2. Introverts love (with a capital L) affection!

Yes, yes, and yes. Introverts love affection more than anyone else on this planet!

People might believe that introverts are anti-socials who hate any forms of love or affection but these are simply baseless myths.

However, if you still see that your partner seems to be withholding emotions and not opening up, it’s best to have an honest chat with them about it before it becomes a larger issue.

But in general, you can be quite sure that introverts love nothing more than someone who will give them warm cuddles before bedtime.

3. Introverts take time to open up in relationships

An introvert, no matter how close they are to you, will take time to open up. They take time to tell you their wildest dreams, personal information, or greatest fears.

As a partner, you can let them know that you’re willing to hear them out and support them no matter what.

On the other hand, if you’re an introvert yourself, you can tell your partner that you’ll need more time to feel comfortable.

4. Your introverted partner can/cannot be clingy

Contrary to popular belief, introversion has nothing to do with clinginess. An introverted partner can prefer to be clingy or maintain a respectable distance. It all depends on how that person was brought up and their personality traits.

In general, all people choose either of the two options to drive away any form of internal distress. They can stick to a loved one to feel comforted and soothed, or they can push away others to feel safer.

Just because your partner is an introvert by nature, it doesn’t mean that they’ll keep hanging on to you.

5. Introverts take time to recharge themselves

Everyone has their own social battery. While extroverts are always pumped up and eager to be a part of large social situations, an introvert usually shies away from all that.

Even when they attend a social gathering, they might feel overwhelmed and take a few days to recharge their social battery.

If your partner doesn’t seem to talk much or go out with you, don’t take that personally. They still love you very much but they just need a bit of time to recover before they can go out and meet people again!

6. Introverts and extroverts can be a great match!

Did you know that introverts and extroverts can be amazing together? Well, the numerous movies and TV shows just further prove this point! In fact, an extrovert and an introvert can experiment endless things together.

If the extroverted partner can understand when their significant other needs space and if the introvert recognizes when their partner wants to go out and have some fun, then there’s no reason why the relationship can’t be healthy.

Ultimately, it all boils down to how compatible you both are as different individuals. If you can compromise and communicate with each other, then that’s all that matters!

7. They like to visit familiar places

Even though this might seem boring to others, introverts love visiting places that are familiar to them. Don’t get me wrong, they do love experimenting and visiting new places.

But if you ask them for date night suggestions, they’d rather curl up and watch a movie at home or go to the familiar old restaurant than take a trip somewhere else.

8. Introverts need someone to be gentle with them

This is actually the case for most people but even more so for introverts. If you simply walk up to your boyfriend or girlfriend and demand, “Hey, I want you to open up”, they’ll shut themselves even more. The trick is to be gentle and understanding.

It’s important to make your wish sound like a request and not a demand. Try saying things like, “Honey, I know you’re going through something tough.

Do you want to share it with me?” or “Babe, we’ve been dating for such a long time. I wish you’d let me into your world so that I could help you out a little”.

9. Introverts know how to make their demands heard

Yes, introverts take time to open up but once they do, there’s no going back! They really know how to put forward their opinions and make themselves heard.

If you’re an introvert and you want to tell your partner that you’re mentally tired, you should do it without any inhibitions.

Simply go up to them and tell them, “Hey, I know you wanted me to attend that gathering with you but I’ve been going out all week and it would really help if I stayed in tonight”. Being crystal-clear with your partner is all it takes for a thriving relationship!

10. Introverts are good flirts

Introverts may not impress you with cheesy pick-up lines or take you out on a grand dinner date right in the beginning, but that doesn’t mean they don’t know the language of love!

Oftentimes, an introvert will drop you subtle hints to show that they like you. Some of the most common signs are to flutter their eyes at you, smile shyly, or give you small compliments.

They do want to walk up to you and ask you out but they secretly wish you’d make the first move and do something super cute!

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Well, after reading this article, I’m sure many of your doubts about “dating an introvert” has now been resolved!

Don’t forget, introverts make excellent life partners and are one of the most loyal and honest people ever. They definitely take time to reveal their true selves to you, but once they do, you can be sure that they will be your perfect match!

And when it comes to handling a relationship with an introvert, all you need is faith, patience, and lots of love!

Are you interested to know more about ‘How Long Should You Talk to Someone Before Dating’ then click here?