Are you in an unhappy marriage? Do you feel your spouse doesn’t love you? Or, think they don’t care about you anymore? Perhaps their actions made you consider divorce?
I feel heartbroken and proud at the same time… heartbroken that you’re experiencing this… and proud that you’re trying to find a way out.
Everyone can’t stay level-headed in such situations… you’re one of God’s miracles. You’re a fighter… and I’m glad to support you through this fight.
Wondering how? Well, this think-piece will answer all the questions about your marriage. I believe you’ll soon find your way to happiness.
With hopes of finding happiness, let’s begin…
Unhappy Marriage Infographics
What is an unhappy marriage?
A loveless marriage with communication issues, toxic and/or abusive behaviors is an unhappy marriage.
An unhappy marriage doesn’t define lots of challenges or dissatisfaction in the marriage. Many people call their married life unhappy because of their life struggles… but that’s far from true.
You may face many troubles and still be happy in your marital life… because happiness depends on your love, support, and understanding.
So, an unhappy marriage is when one or more of the following happens…
- Lack of loving behavior
- Disrespectful and demeaning dynamics between the two partners
- Prolonged communication issues
- Any form of abuse
- Hurt from a loss, trauma, or cheating
- Different or clashing life priorities and humane beliefs
Feeling anxious if you’re in an unhappy marriage? Let’s make sure here…
Signs of an unhappy marriage
Sometimes, people know yet can’t accept the truth. However, ignoring the truth doesn’t change the marriage dynamics. It keeps hurting you and you notice only when things go out of hand.
You still have a chance to reverse your unhappy marriage, so identify some signs here…
1. You can’t find interesting topics to talk
Your everyday life is full of events even if it is lifeless. Loving couples share the minute details about their lives… whether it’s a happy or sad incident.
If you feel that there’s nothing to share with one another… other than your daily chores and necessities… that’s a major red flag. You’re growing apart and becoming strangers.
2. Your sex life is dead
A sexless marriage is one of the turning points for married couples. Among many other ways, sex keeps intimacy alive in relationships. Sexual and physical intimacy helps you feel emotionally close.
This is usually when you have sex less than 10 times a year. Further, it’s alarming if you guys don’t show affectionate touches – like kissing and hugging either.
3. You dismiss your instincts
When something goes wrong in life, a lot of people feel something is off. Your instincts always have more to say than your conscious mind.
Perhaps in your head, you have millions of questions about your marriage dynamics… however, you’re in denial. You call your inner voice dramatic and console yourself.
Ignoring your instincts doesn’t change reality.
4. You’re emotionally distant
Even when you spend time together if you no longer feel that connection and spark… you’ve grown so distant that even physical proximity can’t help it.
A lack of connection in a husband-wife relationship is another red flag.
5. You do nothing about the distance
Sometimes, couples notice what’s going on in the relationship. They even know how things can go back to normal. Even so, they don’t reach out to one another.
Some people wait for the other to speak first… others don’t talk because they’re not at fault. If neither of you doesn’t take any steps, you’re already in an unhappy marriage.
6. You prioritize others over yourself
Most women become family caretakers and forget about their needs. They put their husbands, children, or even in-laws before themselves. Slowly, they lose their identity and individuality.
She tends to others and distracts herself from real work. If you give too much time to others, it’s time to take a peek into your own affairs.
7. You gave up on fighting
Another alarming sign is when spouses don’t fight at all. It’s possibly because you gave up on one another. All healthy relationships have a certain amount of conflict and resolution.
When you don’t fight even when there’s reason to… it’s a sign you’re past the point of making it work. You don’t want to put more effort into a lost cause.
8. Your spouse isn’t in your imaginations
Do you have divorce fantasies? Or, even infidelity ones? Perhaps, in your mind, you’re already living a happy life without them? This is a definite sign that there’s nothing left in your marriage.
You’re emotionally disconnected from them. You want to get out of it and be happy on your own.
9. One of you doesn’t listen
When there are relationship problems and you sit together to talk it out… what happens? Loving couples listen to one another and seek solutions together.
However, if there’s no progress despite communicating… one of you isn’t listening. Someone doesn’t want to fix the issues … possibly due to old resentments. This is another sign of a rough patch in the marriage.
10. There are toxic dynamics in the marriage
In happy marriages, couples support one another to grow together. They handle issues in a calm and loving manner. However, in bad marriages, couples pick on one another’s flaws instead of learning together.
If criticizing your partner is the norm, this is a toxic relationship. It’s not about happiness anymore, the marriage became unhealthy.
11. Your friends are closer to your heart
When something impactful happens in your relationship, who do you share it with? Is it your partner or your friends? For instance, after a bad day, who do you vent to? Who gets the news of your promotion first?
If it’s not your spouse, then the relationship definitely needs some work. You don’t accept them as your confidant any longer.
Marriages become stronger with friendship… which might be missing in yours.
12. You’re close to emotional cheating
Did someone else catch your eye? It’s much easier to find people on dating apps and social media.
If you’re falling for another man/woman’s charms… but didn’t sleep or confess your feelings… that’s an emotional affair.
Emotional affairs can lead to infidelity. Your temptations are clear warning signs of an unhappy marriage.
13. You guys never plan dates
When was your last date night? Who planned it the last time? Can’t remember either of those? Well, do you at least spend birthdays and anniversaries together?
If neither of you takes the lead for date nights… then it’ll obviously never happen. Your reluctance towards planning dates shows you don’t want to spend time with them… maybe because you’re unhappy?
14. Alone time is your quality time
How do you feel while spending time together? Do you feel comfortable, or do you want more time alone? Do you cuddle after a hectic day? Or, do you ask for physical space to rejuvenate yourself?
When you don’t feel refreshed in your partner’s presence… feel comfortable when they aren’t around…it’s an alarming sign they emotionally burden you.
You seek solace in their absence because their presence hurts you.
15. They have controlling behaviors
Do you think your partner always instructs you? Do they ask you to behave, dress, or act in certain manners? Or, do they limit your access to resources like money?
If they don’t let you be yourself whether in public or behind the doors… they’re controlling. Try voicing out your feelings in this unhappy marriage.
If they don’t pay attention to your concerns, it’s on purpose.
16. You don’t prioritize one another
To make marriages work, spouses must prioritize one another. After all, if you both don’t protect and support one another, then who will?
When either of you is in a pinch, do the other prioritize them? If not, it’s hard to sustain your marriage.
Unhappiness will surely follow when you or your spouse doesn’t feel important to the other.
17. They refuse to put in efforts
You can solve most relationship problems yourself. Well, if you can’t on your own, a family therapist can show you the ropes.
However, if either of you wants to hold onto grudges or doesn’t want to resolve issues, that’s another problem itself. An unwilling partner indicates incoming troubles in your marriage.
18. You both communicate with a shield
Does every conversation become a full-blown fight? Whenever you say something, do they always turn it into an argument?
Do you remind your partner to do something and they yell back that you’re nagging? Well, if that’s the case, you both are operating with defense. It’s a sign of poor communication and unhappiness.
19. You avoid one another
If you desperately avoid one another… make plans with your friends when you’re at home… then there’s no motivation in the relationship. You don’t want to spend time with them because you’re unhappy.
20. Your attachment styles clash
Do one of you always pursue the other to resolve issues… while the other always retreat? You might have different attachment styles which get in between your marriage.
It’s not a definite sign of an unhappy marriage… however, if one person always takes responsibility but faces rejection… unhappiness will eventually follow in.
21. There’s no space for compromise
To make marriages work, couples must understand and show compassion to one another. If you can’t compromise for them and vice versa… you’ll have resentful feelings in the marriage.
Without compromise, saving your marriage isn’t possible. Infact, it may be the root of your unhappiness.
22. You show negative body language
When you talk together, how do your bodies behave? Do you face away from one another? Do you point your fingers at them or do they cross their arms while speaking?
All of these are signs of unhappiness, control, or defensiveness. Some communication issues can attract unhappiness in the marriage.
23. You feel physically uncomfortable together
This one is not about only feeling uncomfortable in their presence. Do you get headaches, nausea, or backaches when they’re around?
If yes, this might be a sign of constant anxiety in your partner’s presence. You might already be in an unhappy marriage if the condition is this severe.
24. You both are good stonewallers
Do you both give one another silent treatment during fights? That’s another warning sign of an unhappy marriage. Stonewallers never resolve conflicts and hope to evade them all the time.
Unwillingness to work on your relationship may eventually result in an unhappy marriage.
25. You down-talk one another’s issues
When one of you complains about life, does the other dismiss or disregard it?
For instance, if you had a bad day handling the children, does your spouse give you a listening ear?
Or, do they make you feel guilty for complaining about minor matters? Do they blow up their own matters?
There’s an unhealthy amount of contempt in marriage… another sign of unhappy marriage.
26. They have secrets
Couples are allowed to have their own life… they don’t always need to share every minute detail about themselves. However, if you feel that they’re hiding something serious, that might be the case.
If you confronted them about the issue, but they diverted your attention… then there’s some definite secrecy.
Secrets in marriage usually indicate cheating… unless they’re planning a surprise for you.
27. They cheated
To save your marriage, did you ever forgive an infidelity case?
Many couples work past one cheating case. However, most of them can’t carry around the hurt from it. They don’t work it out and suppress resentful feelings. A cheating incident can be a definite sign of an unhappy marriage.
28. They don’t follow through
Does your partner promise to do some chores but never follow through? At the end of a long day, do you have to finish all the dishes and laundry… all by yourself?
If your partner doesn’t take their responsibilities seriously, it’ll impact you physically and emotionally.
Unhappiness and doubt are normal in these cases. If they don’t work on their promises, you might feel lonely in the marriage.
29. Everything about them annoys you
Do your partner’s jokes annoy you? Do their small quirks feel unbearable these days? Do you find something wrong with everything they do?
If yes, then there might be deep-seated issues. Possibly, you don’t mind their stupidity, but a past issue triggers your reactions. Give it a long thought behind the unhappiness in your marriage.
30. They neglect you
Do your partner’s actions make you feel lonely? Do they always make your needs seem minor? Or, perhaps you feel abandoned when they drown in other responsibilities?
Sometimes we can’t speak out because the other commitments are equally important.
However, marriage is a tough job. If they can’t make time for you, your marriage will lack emotional intimacy… another sign of unhappiness.
Wondering how it all began? What’s the root of this? Head in to know the…
Causes of an unhappy marriage
Everyone wants to keep away unhappiness from their marriage. Well, prevention might not be possible… However, if you hunt the rotten roots, you can treat them and prevent further damage.
So, let’s quickly check them out…
1. Their opinions don’t matter to you
When you don’t value one another’s thoughts and opinions, it instills resentment in the marriage. Some spouses are hell-bent on proving themselves right and their spouse’s stupid.
Such unhealthy dynamics damage the foundation of married life. It might lead to coercion, estrangement, family feuds, abuse, and everything that might result in an unhealthy marriage.
Also, if both or either of you believes outsiders more than one another… that’s hurtful to your spouse.
2. You don’t trust one another
Lack of open communication and dishonesty in a marriage leads to trust issues. Trust issues also sour a healthy marriage.
Usually, it happens when a spouse lies or cheats on the other. It might also happen when your spouse isn’t a trustworthy person.
3. You’re always short on time
When couples don’t give one another enough time, they grow apart. They forget what binds them together in the marriage. They forget to love, support, and cherish one another.
You become unaware of one another’s likes, dislikes, desires, and hopes. You estrange one another and finding happiness from a stranger becomes impossible.
4. You blame them for everything
Consistent blame games can be the root of many relationship issues. Again, a lack of communication and conflict resolution skills leads to this.
If you both can’t resolve issues and instead hold grudges on one another, that’s another reason for an unhappy marriage.
5. You don’t believe in forgiveness
Mistakes happen… whether it’s a marital relationship or a platonic one. However, relationships last longer when you understand the other and forgive them. Give them another chance to prove their intentions.
Further, nobody was born with an idea of how marriage works. If you don’t forgive one another’s mistakes, you can’t sustain them for long.
6. There’s disrespect about differences
Unless it’s an arranged marriage between two equal families, no two people might possess the same ideologies and background.
If you disrespect one another because of your different beliefs, race, gender, or even language… it might be the beginning of the great fall. Marriage or any romantic relationship depends on mutual respect.
7. You’re bent on changing them
Two unique people will have different thoughts. However, if you try to change their thoughts instead of accepting them, this is a huge concern.
People fall in love without thinking about the clashing thoughts. When someone tries to change your beliefs, you’ll obviously feel hurt and dissatisfied… as if your spouse doesn’t care about your opinions at all.
This is another major cause of an unhappy marriage.
8. You want an ideal marriage
Another alarming cause is constant comparison. In this digital era, people spend enormous time on social media… which is full of farce.
Other couples upload pictures of their happy relationships and you feel less than because the same doesn’t happen with you.
If you regret marrying your spouse and wish about marrying a richer or more romantic person, that’s disrespectful.
9. Someone is addicted
Substance abuse can damage a relationship to the core. It might be because your partner abuses you after intoxication. Or, they use all the money for drugs and alcohol.
Substance abuse can lead to unstable financial status… which is a must in a happy marriage. Though more money doesn’t promise happiness, its dearth can be detrimental.
10. You became busy after childbirth
Undoubtedly, parenting is a hard job. You become too busy to focus on your marital life. Sometimes you might even disagree on parenting techniques.
You both might have cared for younger siblings and know how it works. However, you must also coordinate together to become happy and successful parents
11. They’re abusive
Abuse in any form or extent is not acceptable in any relationship. So, any kind of abuse can rot the marriage foundation. You can’t ever be happy with an abusive partner.
12. There are toxic tendencies
Does your partner constantly lie and gaslight you? Do they make you question your sanity with their lies? Or do you tiptoe around your relationship? Perhaps they have severe anger issues and you’re scared.
Do they threaten to abandon you? Or, say you aren’t enough or shame them as a spouse?
All of these are toxic tendencies. Nobody can feel happy in a marriage with such dynamics.
13. They betrayed you
Spouses can betray one another in several ways. They might cheat on you, make fun of you with their friends, spill your secrets to third parties, or even publicly shame you about your weakness.
All of these emotionally pain you and become the reason for your unhappiness.
14. There’s no intimacy
Intimacy isn’t “sex”… it’s the bonding between you and your spouse. If you don’t spend time together, you can’t build intimacy in a relationship.
Without it, you don’t understand one another’s feelings… which results in a communication gap. Lack of intimacy, thus, becomes a reason for an unhappy marriage.
15. Gottman’s four horsemen are around
If there’s criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling in your relationship… as per John Gottman, these easily result in resentment, hatred, and finally divorce.
Thinking of staying back without treating the roots? Think again once you know these…
Effects of an unhappy marriage
People, who stay in an unhappy marriage, often don’t treat the roots of unhappiness. They survive with “We lived through it for so long, so why bother?”
Well, there are many reasons to bother… because of the diverse physical, emotional and psychological effects on a couple like these…
- Your wounds heal slower
- Your immunity system grows weak
- You become prone to cholesterol
- Your blood pressure increases
- It increases the probability of cardiovascular diseases, arterial calcification, arthritis, and diabetes type-2.
- You become prone to obesity
- You might suffer from hormonal fluctuations
- Your digestive system might malfunction
- It might kill brain cells and obstruct new cell generation. As a result, brain volume might decrease.
- You might experience sleeplessness
- You constantly feel a boiling rage
- There’s an increased chance of depression
- You might become more irritable and have frequent mood swings
- You might suffer from anxiety disorders
- You might feel restlessness towards your life and marriage
- You face trouble concentrating
- You might become indecisive
- You might become forgetful
- You might get Alzheimer’s or Dementia
- Your chances of getting mental health disorders spikes
Changed your mind? Want to skip on the slack? Well, first check these…
Questions you must ask yourself about an unhappy marriage and WHY!
Before you treat your unhappy marriage… rather take any step in your marriage… Ask yourself some questions. Know what makes you happy or unhappy and what is impacting your marriage.
Let’s first begin with…
1. What’s the reason for your unhappiness?
Identifying what about your marriage makes you unhappy and why it is a concern. Before you find your way to cope with it, you must first know the issue.
Note down the what and why about your concerns. Remember, it’s easy to show your dissatisfaction, but the real deal is to find the reasons behind it.
2. Did you ever share your feelings with your spouse?
Your spouse isn’t a mind-reader… they can’t understand your feelings if you don’t communicate. And when they don’t know about the bug, they can’t exterminate it either.
Also, if you told them what’s bugging you, did you share how much it impacts you? Well, if not, it’s time to sit down and have a conversation about it.
3. Are you aware of your spouse’s feelings?
It’s not just about you… your spouse might feel the same too. If you’re unhappy, you’ll show signs of dissatisfaction and sadness. That will again impact your partner’s feelings.
What do you think your partner feels and why? No, don’t ask them, ask yourself first. Once you find the answers, ask them later to know if you guessed it right or if there’s more to know. This will help you empathize with their difficulties too.
4. How will you change a problem about yourself?
Human beings often fail to identify their own shortcomings. We feel all the relationship issues begin with our partners.
Likewise, your partner thinks the same. But, if you want to emerge out of this as a winner, own up to your faults and think with a rational mind.
For instance, your spouse doesn’t mean to make you unhappy. They did what they found best in their situation. When you find something displeasing, know why they did that before judging them.
And maybe, you might need to change your judgmental behaviors.
5. How long can you wait for them?
Now think about your boundaries. When will you call it quits… is it when your partner can’t change even after trying? Or, will you try even if they don’t want to put in the effort?
Know your breaking point and set them straight in your marriage. This is not an ultimatum for a divorce.
Rather, it’s the limit up to where you can compromise because what’s the point in being married if it’s a torturous one?
Now that you know you’re in an unhappy marriage… I’m sure you want to work things out. Let me tell you how you can do that.
How to survive in an unhappy marriage?
Sometimes, you just can’t find a way out… because you and your spouse don’t have the same opinions.
But if you’re willing to make it work, it’s not so bad either… Perhaps they’re also ready to make some compromises. If this sounds similar, follow me…
1. Practice detachment
Stop hoping for change when it won’t. Withdraw yourself emotionally from your partner. It’s like distancing yourselves from lovers/spouses to friends or acquaintances.
Give up on the expectation that they will care for you. They might, but detachment will protect you from disappointments. Don’t expect emotional intimacy or try to build it in your marriage.
Cohabitate without feelings for them, and you’ll never cry another day.
2. Forgive to forget
If your partner commits mistakes, don’t forget they’re a human. You might not walk in their footsteps ever, but that’s your individual nature. They might not have the same willpower and intelligence as yours.
So, forgive them for doing it and yourself for feeling guilty for it. It wasn’t your fault if you thought so for a second.
Stop judging them and let the bygones be bygones. Hope for a better future with control over your happiness.
3. Practice healthy communication
Communicate rather than overthinking during tough situations. Their different perspectives might not be wrong, so give them a chance to explain themselves.
Don’t interrogate them like a criminal, rather be more compassionate and understanding.
Also, plan regular check-ins to solve any issues. Your busy schedule might not allow you to communicate regularly… but try it weekly.
4. Break down the issues at hand
By the time you check-in during weekends, you might have too many issues to discuss in a day. Possibly, the problems snowballed and your mood is worse than expected.
You’re more prone to blast your anger-meter in this situation. To avoid that, write down the different issues separately.
While discussing them, don’t interlink any of the topics. Clear them once at a time to save energy, time, and have a peaceful check-in.
5. Do what you both like
Are there any common interests you both have? Perhaps you both can do a date-night marathon of FRIENDS or any activity you both like. If you have children, go out on a picnic together.
Make more positive memories to get over the negativity. Build an understanding relationship and in the process, don’t forget your daily chores.
6. Or, book tickets to favorite destination
If you’re both ready for it, choose a vacation for just you two. If you have pets or children, leave them behind under a relative’s care. Take this time to immerse into a more compassionate relationship.
Though you don’t need to connect emotionally in your loveless marriage, always try to be a better teammate.
Otherwise, you’ll get into frequent conflicts. During long trips, also focus on your soft skills for a steady marriage.
7. Accept yourself
Some people give up on themselves in unhappy or loveless marriages. Usually, they feel that if their partner doesn’t love them, why and for whom must they pamper themselves?
Never forget, you are your own person. You have other commitments in your life like parents, children, and a job. To focus on them, you gotta focus on yourself.
You can’t love them or be dedicated if you don’t practice the same with yourself. So, immerse yourself in love.
8. Seek support
There are many online support groups for people with similar circumstances. Join those and learn more about finding peace in yourself. Learn the different kinds of challenges and coping skills from them.
Borrow their strength to continue in your marriage and find new goals in your life. Change your perception of life and love.
9. Shift your focus
Naturally, the unhappy dynamics of your marriage will linger on your mind. You will feel hurt, bothered, and neglected. However, if you choose to stay back in the unhappy dynamics, change your goals.
Don’t dream about being a loving spouse anymore… dream about your children, job, friends, and yourself.
Work hard in the other areas of your life. It may be difficult in the beginning, but you’ll soon become habituated.
10. Get therapy
If nothing works out, then seek a licensed marriage and family therapist. You don’t need to suffer silently because of children, family pressure, or financial troubles.
You might find healthier and more suitable alternatives to cope with your married life. Also, learn to respectfully communicate through any relationship issue.
However, if you want to revive the lost happiness, know more from here…
How to be happy in an unhappy marriage?
Are you both ready to bring back happiness in your marital equation? I’m glad beyond words… not everyone is as lucky as you two.
Though this will be a tough journey, if you love one another deeply, it’ll not seem very difficult. So, let’s dive in…
1. Stop the damaging behaviors
Do you both fight about old conflicts repeatedly? If you’re still hung up on past resentments, you can’t move forward to a happier life. Stop with the sly taunts to shame and blame one another.
Together note down everything you don’t like or what hurts you about the other. Discuss how to stop these and move on from the past.
2. Identify the issues
Find out what makes you happy about the marriage. What behaviors trigger you two? What does your marriage lack? Is it happiness, intimacy, or fun?
Find out what disappoints you… what disappointed you till now. Also, connect it with your past trauma like childhood issues. Is there any traumatic trigger that obstructs a happy married life?
Be aware of yourself to minimize problems.
3. Seek help quickly
If you feel that something is off in your marriage, then consider couples therapy ASAP.
Don’t wait until you confidently call it an unhappy marriage… that will take a long time and you’ll build too many resentful memories to return to a normal relationship.
Quick treatment will result in quick recoveries and lesser suffering.
4. Learn to communicate better
Communication is an important part of relationships, so work on yourselves together. Work on your communication style and weed out negative attitudes.
Respectfully point out the negative communication styles. Discuss how you noticed your parents communicate and discuss the good and bad parts. Implement the same rules on yourself.
5. Be responsible for yourself
When you live with a spouse for a long time, everything about them might seem wrong. But most times, it’s not them, it’s your impulsive blaming that does the damage.
So, from now on, if you feel disappointed, don’t abruptly blame your partner. Think if you even asked anything from your partner… or did you just expect it without a word. Take accountability for your own shortcomings.
6. Line up others behind the marriage
Since you don’t wanna stay in an unhappy marriage and are willing to change the dynamics… prioritize your marriage over other relationships and commitments. This rule is applicable to the both of you.
Finding happiness or fixing your unhappy marriage isn’t easy. So put in more positive energy in your marriage… don’t just use one another to dump your negativity.
Share your sorrows, but focus more on the brighter side.
7. Learn to forgive
If you’re confident about fixing your relationship, forgive unintentional mistakes. Unless they deliberately try to anger you or violate your boundaries… forgive them.
But nobody can forgive that easily, so communicate what you hated and build new boundaries about them. Let it off, cry, howl, but stay respectful during the conversation.
8. Go out often
Your marriage can’t be the only source of happiness in your life. In this way, you’ll exhaust your marriage from all the positivity. So, instead seek happiness outside your family.
Meet your friends, socialize, and if you don’t have a job, try one. Tutor children to fill the void in your heart with innocent and positive energy. Learn something you wanted for a long time.
9. Be thankful for the positives
Appreciate their good parts and focus less on the bad. Humans, by nature, magnify any negativity and forget about all the good things in their life.
But what you got in your marriage, might be a dream for others. So, show them small thankful gestures for doing well. It will also encourage them to look at marriage in a positive light.
They’ll also return similar favors of showing gratitude.
10. Build self-esteem with exercise
Exercise is a great way to release pent-up negativity. You can try anything ranging from high-intensity programs to yoga and meditation.
There are many forms of exercise… so consult a trainer to know what’s suitable for you.
Break a sweat and pump up your confidence. Exercise can instantly lift your spirits and make you happy all on your own. When you feel happy, you won’t depend on your spouse too often for happiness.
However, if it’s unbearable… change your mind. Look into this to save yourself…
How to get out of an unhappy marriage?
If your partner abuses, threatens you or your loved ones… or if you’re staying in the marriage out of fear… against your free will… It’s time to break free.
You and I both know you’re not happy and you need help. Consider working on this plan ASAP…
1. Plan out your escape
If you’re in an abusive marriage, make an abuse journal. Write down what happened on what date.
If possible, video journal secretly and send the videos to a trusted person or save it on your cloud. These might help you get a restraining order later.
Don’t keep much sensitive info around your abuser. Write down what you might take along with you after the breakup. Also note the timing of your partner’s arrival, departure, and mood swings.
2. Don’t go broke
If you’re financially dependent on your spouse or they control your finances, get a job and save money separately. It’s obviously not easy to get a job if they have anger issues.
Further, you can’t protect your children from them if you’re not at home. Make do with a part-time job. You can pick a babysitting or housekeeping job nearby.
Money is your only hope to independently begin a new life.
3. Bravely state your decisions
Break the word to them without cowering in fear. Your spouse might try to threaten you with your loved ones, your documents (especially if you’re not a native), or anything else precious.
They might abuse you too but this is not the time to back off. If they hurt you this time, seek help from the police.
4. Reach out to loved ones
If you’re in touch with a loved one, who isn’t a mutual friend with your spouse, reach out to them for help. Ask them to hold onto some clothes and the money you earned.
Also, share your plan with them and discuss if there are any loopholes. If you ever need to run from your spouse’s house, take shelter from this person… or ask them to arrange a shelter for you.
5. Stop justifying them
You protected your spouse for too long, it’s time to spill the truth. Tell your and your spouse’s friends about the relationship dynamics.
If your loved ones interrogate your spouse for something shady, don’t justify them either, tell them what’s going on. Invite your loved ones over and leave the house with them.
6. Don’t get too close
Your spouse may ask for forgiveness or promise you a better life. They’ll try to meet you and take you back. Don’t contact them outside the court (for divorce).
This person might harm you if you back. Also, ask your loved ones to stay away and ignore their pleas to meet them. Your spouse might coerce others into getting you back.
7. Send away the children
If you have children or very old loved ones, send them away on vacation. If your spouse is bats**t crazy, they’ll attack the weakest among your loved ones.
Since you can’t monitor everyone 24/7, send them off to a safe space.
8. Find a job
Now it’s time to financially secure yourself. If you don’t have a fixed job, look for one. Seek your loved ones for job recommendations with good pay. Don’t feel shy or let your pride get in the way.
Your life depends on money and only you can take responsibility for your life right now. Don’t depend on others too much. Also, a job can help you divert your mind and boost confidence.
9. Keep faith despite challenges
There will be lots of challenges on your way. For instance, if you never had a job, working will be physically exhausting for you. If you’re traumatized from your marriage, certain things might trigger you.
Also, you might face financial problems if you’re not used to handling them. But still, be hopeful about a better future. Everything will change for the better soon. Hold on tight and it’ll be over.
10. Seek support and therapy
If the stress is too much to handle, seek help… whether it’s an online or real-life community or an individual therapist. They’ll help you deal with traumatic experiences and return to normal life.
Therapists will identify your triggers and suggest probable ways to deal with them. And supporting communities will inspire you to fight.
You might also find job postings in support groups for abuse survivors.
More questions in your noggin? Of course, you do… so let’s know these…
Unhappy Marriage Statistics
An unhappy marriage isn’t a simple thing. Sometimes divorce is the best choice, other times it’s not.
It depends from person to person and also on the reasons. It’s never an easy feat to find the correct step for your marriage. So, find more info here…
Human beings can easily point their fingers at others. It’s hard to notice what’s up with yourself.
It’s usually about saving yourself when it revolves around burdensome feelings, life failures, depression, financial troubles, loss of your identity, unfulfilled goals or midlife changes, or pregnancy.
Before blaming your marriage, give other possibilities a thought.
Several researches showed that it’s possible to stay in an unhappy marriage… yet be happy with yourself or even improve your marriage.
In this world, many couples are finding happiness in their unhappy marriage in the long run.
It entirely depends on your and your spouse’s intentions.
For instance, if you’re hell-bent on a divorce, you’ll find a good reason… and if you stick to staying back, you’ll find one too.
If you and your spouse don’t have any intentions of working on your marriage or if there’s abuse, it’s better to divorce.
However, if your spouse promises to try… you compromise to understand their situation before judging them… give your unhappy marriage another shot.
Communicate with your spouse about their thoughts on it. Figure out if the unhappiness is permanent or temporary… whether it’s your marriage or something else.
Sometimes, people misunderstand their marriage as the source of unhappiness.
They get a divorce immediately without giving it much time.
Some people have other reasons like work pressure, parenting issues, other strained relationships, or health issues. They blame their marriage and find themselves in a rut.
A divorce will certainly allow you a new life, a new partner, and freedom. However, if you have children with your ex-spouse, you’ll still be in contact with them.
And even when you have the freedom to do what you desire… you might be unable to do it out of guilt. Divorce is a painful experience and might not always make you happy.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Whether you decide to stay back or move on from your marriage… whether you make it happy or leave it as it is… happiness is an important factor in your life. Never depend on another person to be happy.
You are a capable individual… capable of feeling happiness even without a companion. You’re worthy of love and also deserve happiness.
However, never force another to gift you happiness. Take responsibility for your life and your happiness.
Don’t allow your happiness to bend on another’s whims… whether it’s your spouse or a casual partner. Sure, expect them to love you… but not to the extent that their actions can shatter your heart.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...