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20 Signs that Your Girlfriend isn’t Sexually Attracted to You

20 Signs that Your Girlfriend isn’t Sexually Attracted to You

Updated on Nov 03, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

20 Signs that Your Girlfriend isn’t Sexually Attracted to You

If you’re here, reading this, chances are you’re looking for signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you.

I get it, you know, dry spells are one of the hardest parts of a relationship. And, it gets even worse if the fun inside the bedroom goes for a toss.

With a hectic life and lots of responsibilities to fulfill, it’s hard to pick up on these early signs. So, to help you, I have picked and listed some 20 signs that will help you identify the dimming fire in your relationship.

Come on, let’s dig in!

20 Signs That Your Girlfriend isn’t Sexually Attracted to You

In a relationship, sexual attraction varies with time. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, you both might not feel the same love and attraction towards each other.

But this doesn’t mean she will not feel the tickle when you’re wearing her favorite shirt or when you’re dancing to her favorite song. And if that is the case, then the relationship is in a crisis, and it’s time for you two need to sit down.

However, if you’re not sure, here are a few signs for you to look out for…

1. The flirting is gone with the wind

No matter what phase of the relationship you’re in, the flirting must never stop. It keeps the adrenaline running in your veins and you both high in love.

When she’s flirting, she will be excited to be near you, and the sexual chemistry would be through the roof. So, if she has become a bit distant and cold, chances are the meter of attraction is low at this point.

If you don’t pick up on these hints soon, it may spiral and pave way for more problems. So, bring back the fun before it is too late.

2. Only you are initiating sex

Your girlfriend won’t take the initiative in the bedroom if she isn’t sexually attracted to you. Sometimes, even if you make attempts, she will only return with cold rejection.

Irregular sex is a big indication of your girlfriend’s lost attraction towards you. So, take note of this before it leads to irreparable cracks in the relationship.

Ask your girlfriend what’s wrong. Find out if it’s just about the sex or something else. Sometimes, stress from day-to-day life can also cause distance in bed. Bottom line is, look for the cause before you jump to a conclusion.

3. She prefers her own company to you

Let me say this to you out loud: I don’t feel like masturbation in a relationship is “cheating”. But if she enjoys masturbation over sex with you, then that’s a problem.

This is a sign as huge as a billboard. So, sit down, understand where’s the problem, identify her needs, and cater to them the next time you both are having fun.

If you both can still not solve it, it’s always wise to visit a sexologist and seek a resolution instead of letting it impact your relationship even further. Buddy, it’s 2022, get out of the so-called “taboo” of sex issues!

4. She is cold as ice

Even when you guys are doing the “deed”, notice how much she responds to your touch. If she is cold, like she just wants this to be over with, you have got a problem.

You can notice this better during foreplay. Is she interested in the foreplay or she just wants to release you and be done? You will be able to spot this red flag in the relationship from a distance… only if you aren’t blind!

So, keep your spidey senses on. Figure out why she isn’t attracted to you anymore and what is making her so dead about the sex.

5. She doesn’t play “dress to impress” anymore

Every girlfriend loves to be desirable and sexy for their boyfriend. If not dressed up, they would do their hair or have light makeup to keep you on your toes.

See, I know this is not true in every case. Some people are easygoing. However, if she stops all efforts in the relationship, you might have a problem.

If you see her just barely dressed on a date night or never trying to look good for you, there’s a high chance she isn’t attracted to you anymore.

Remember, it’s the small things that count. So, the lack of effort is your clue to pick-up her disinterest.

6. Her idea of a “fun time” is different

You may be surprised to identify this, but… her idea of “fun” doesn’t have sex in it anymore.

It may feel like she is almost never in the bedroom unless you count napping hours. You may see a wall of generic excuses like headache or exhaustion when you initiate some steamy fun.

She is more into dinner dates or just a movie night for “fun”. You both often binge-watch on Netflix but without the “chill”.

Buddy, this can be the case once or twice but if you see this happening very often, there’s something seriously wrong.

7. She is more creative in a pottery class than in bed

Unenthusiastic, low-effort sex is also a sign of decreasing sexual appetite… or your girlfriend’s sexual disinterest in you.

If you notice her being less creative in bed, especially if she was a sex goddess once… well, you know what. It can be a big sign that your girlfriend cannot find any sexual connection with you.

Other than that, pay attention to the nature of the physical contact you two are having. If it’s cold and emotionless, it’s time you should sit and talk!

8. She is vocal about her “many” dissatisfactions   

Of course, she is not just gonna come and tell you that she doesn’t feel anything down there for you anymore. But you’ve to be alert to pick up on the subtlety.

For example, she criticizes your body and your features more than before. Like, for example, she wishes you were less hairy or had more abs, or you were taller. Your girlfriend won’t criticize your features if she is attracted to you.

So, if she starts to see a fault with everything, there is a huge red flag flying. So, don’t turn a blind eye like you usually do. Be alert and if you spot them, take charge immediately.

9. Her body speaks a foreign language to you

When your girlfriend isn’t attracted to you, her body’s response doesn’t feel the same… she will naturally be more rigid to you than expected.

According to science, if someone genuinely enjoys your company, their body will be more relaxed around you. Or be more open and inviting, it depends on the situation. If you sense an unpleasant attitude no matter what you do, it’s a major concern.

So, I beg of you not to be your kind self and just excuse everything as some silly thought. Pay attention to your instincts, and it might lead you to discover something new.

10. You notice yourself being friend-zoned… in your own relationship

Your girlfriend starts to treat you as a friend when she isn’t attracted to you physically. Your conversations will be more like buddies than of a couple. With flirting out of the equation, it’ll teleport you to that time you were friend zoned in college.

You’ll see her more interested in the weather than any serious talks about the relationship. She will either avoid it or give you the cold shoulder.

This is more than a temporary dry spell. It is a sign straight from your girl that she is demoting you to a friend from her boyfriend.

11. She can write a book on fake orgasm

We all know the story of “fake orgasms” about women. Usually, they do it for a get-out card from the action.

If you pay attention in bed, you can easily figure out a forced, unenthusiastic moan from the real, fun ones. This is a great indication of the fact that your girlfriend is either sexually frustrated or disinterested in you.

And if you don’t pay attention to it, this might lead to a huge problem later. The lack of sexual attraction might become a pivotal reason for break up.

12. She cares more about her plants than your plans

You may be planning an extremely elaborative, luxury and dream-like date, but you’ll get ice-cold reactions. If not ice cold, it would be a very passive “yay” perhaps. That “yay” would have as much enthusiasm as her eating an eggplant raw.

If your girlfriend isn’t attracted to you, it will all be dumped in a big waste box, no matter what you do.

Well, buddy, it’s not your fault. Trust me, the problem lies with her, not you.

So, when you sense it, try to have an open conversation. It is important you know everything before you take any decision. 

13. She is playing “pretend sleeping”

If your girlfriend is uninterested in you, she will do everything to avoid sex. You’ll find her asleep faster than the time you take to reach the bed. It’s a way to turn you down indirectly.

Listen, it’s not your fault at all. Your girlfriend stops having a good time with you when the attraction wears off. So, she might adopt tactics like this to avoid you.

However, if you spot these early signs, you might save yourself the cost of heartbreak. So, be aware of your girlfriend’s body language and subtle clues to know the full story. 

14. You see more guy “friends” around her

Many times, infidelity is the by-product of the lost sexual energy towards your partner. If your girl is being a bit too friendly with other guys or has been planning night outs with male friends, then there’s definitely something fishy.

She might search for a greener garden but hold on to you in case that plant doesn’t grow. You get the idea, right?

Be on your toes all the time and pay attention to the signs to save yourself from heartbreak. Remember, cheating is never okay, whether emotional or physical.

Be very cautious about this one, especially as it can potentially destroy your mental health. And if you find something, dare to fight back against it.

15. You’re taking the lead…in everything

Whether it is about planning dates, or some fun in the bedroom, you’re the one taking the initiative always… and sometimes way too much.

Well, it’s not a bad thing to take the lead. However, when you have to do it every time, and your girlfriend doesn’t even lift a finger, it’s an issue of her attraction.

You have to identify when you’re the leader vs when you have to become a leader because the other person is not interested. To be honest, your girlfriend isn’t putting in any efforts because she isn’t attracted anymore.

16. She doesn’t find time for you anymore

You both may be in a relationship, but it’s not the same anymore. The “we-time” is either absolutely lost or missing. You both resort to text messages that fill the vacuum. But if you don’t take action soon, this will also be gone.

It’s extremely heartbreaking if you experience this. You might face sorry excuses like “too much work” or “too engaged in some hobby”. But it’s important to dig deep and know the truth.

17. You have a wall between you two

Girls love their pillows. But are you seeing too many of them? Especially between you two? And they are not for a sexy pillow fight? Think about it a bit more, and you might see some pattern.

Pillows can offer comfort, and girls often use them like a fortress. If your girlfriend isn’t attracted to you or is trying to keep her distance, she will create boundaries… and that boundary often takes shape in a pillow wall.

So, don’t brush off these metaphors. They are quite possibly telling you more than your girlfriend is. Be cautious.

18. She speaks differently with her eyes

Eyes speak volumes… but only if you can hear. She may be gushing about the love from her words, but you know her eyes are telling a different story.

Gone will be those golden retriever puppy eyes that used to follow you around. Now it will feel like her eyes are criticizing your every step. Often, this comes from a lack of sexual chemistry in the bedroom.

The slight arch of brows or squint of the eyes for a moment is enough indication that she is far away from you in regards to intimacy.

19. You see her checking people out right in front of you

When your girlfriend isn’t as attracted to you as before, she will start caring less about your feelings. And in the process, she also becomes careless or indifferent to her own feelings.

For example, when you two are out on a date, you see her lost in her own thoughts while you’re talking to her. And it is at this point that you realize your partner doesn’t care or have any attraction left for you.

Do not take this lightly, as it may cause a bigger rumble later on.

20. You see problems popping up like pimples around you

Once your girlfriend stops feeling attracted to you, it will not be limited to just that if you don’t take charge immediately.

Eventually, other problems will also start creeping in. She will find faults in everything. The way you text, the way you sit, and even the way you breathe will be unbearable to her.

It is actually normal. When you lose interest in a relationship, you start to find faults in it to justify your displeasure. And she might be doing exactly that. So, beware and be ready to recognize the signs before it’s too late.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Buddy, let me first tell you, that it’s not the end of the world if your girlfriend isn’t as attracted to you as before.

Try your best to bring back the spark, and if you still can’t, just let it go. The right person will always be there, even after the honeymoon phase wears off.

Well, if someone doesn’t find you attractive after the initial thrill and butterflies, maybe they weren’t worth it after all. So, don’t break apart. Instead, build yourself up for a better future and a better partner.