Before you sign the lease and make the big decision, check out some red flags before moving in together.
Not to be pessimistic, but it can actually prevent many downfalls further in the relationship. After all, you don’t want to learn about a major incompatibility or difference after you invest so much emotionally and financially!
So come on, let’s get started!
15 Red Flags Before Moving In Together
You and your partner have decided to move in together, and you can’t wait to enjoy your future with them!
However, there are lots of questions that keep nagging you at the back of your mind. If you’re constantly thinking of “what-ifs” and “buts,” then here are some of the major red flags to look out for!
1. You argue all the time
If you and your partner argue all the time, even before moving in together, then that is something you have to address first.
Sure, arguing is a part of any relationship. But if this is your only form of communication, it’s time to address the root cause of the problem.
Otherwise, you’ll keep arguing after moving in. Then living together will become very difficult.
What to do:
Sit down and talk to each other about how to resolve the problem. If you feel that both of you lack communication skills, be honest and open with one another. Listen to each other before starting an argument.
2. You have never taken a trip together
You may find this surprising, but couples that take trips together actually understand each other very well. This is because a couple trips are like a mini version of moving in. It helps you understand each other’s habits.
But if you haven’t taken a vacation or spent a few days somewhere, then it can cause issues later.
What to do:
Try planning a trip somewhere soon. If you’re not sure where to go, choose a place where you can go for the weekend.
You don’t have to pack anything too fancy, just some essentials. Take a look at how well you can coordinate with each other during the trip.
3. You don’t understand each other’s cleanliness
Hygiene can become a major factor when it comes to living together. Often, one partner is obsessed with cleanliness while the other doesn’t really bother about dirty socks or soiled dishes on the sink.
However, balance is important for a happy life together. If you both can’t agree on your definition of cleanliness or hygiene, then you’ll argue about it even after you move in together.
What to do:
Make sure that hygiene is a priority when you move in together, but also don’t make too big a deal of it. If you’re overly obsessed with keeping the house clean, try to compromise a bit.
4. Your work schedules are too different
Work schedules can be really hectic, especially if both partners work full-time. It’s important for you both to plan out a proper schedule that will facilitate both your personal and professional lives.
However, if you both just can’t seem to take a break from your respective careers and spend time with each other, that’s a red flag. It will create a crack in your love life. And this will later create bigger problems after moving in.
What to do:
Try to spend a bit of time together before going to bed every night. Make sure you have at least an hour to talk to each other. Ask about each other’s day and reconnect through different conversations.
5. You feel more worried than excited
One of the biggest red flags about moving in together is when you feel worried instead of excited. Ideally, you should feel happy and excited to start a new chapter of your life.
Sure, feeling a little worried is alright, but it shouldn’t override your happiness. But if you feel that you’re making a wrong move, it’s probably true.
What to do:
Here again, you have to understand what exactly you’re feeling worried about. Ask yourself why you really feel this way.
Perhaps you’re overthinking things, or maybe there is something actually wrong with your decision to move in. If you feel confused, have a chat with your partner.
6. You both try to avoid conflicts
You might feel that avoiding conflicts is a good way to continue a relationship. But in reality, it’s even worse than constant fighting!
If you move in together and avoid conflicts, the entire household will become deathly. If you can’t talk to each other when something bothers you, you won’t be able to move forward in your relationship, especially while living under the same roof.
What to do:
Sit down with your partner and urge them to talk to you whenever they’re angry or upset. Even if you both feel that it’s easier to let go of the conversation, it’s not a healthy decision. Instead, talk things through together.
7. There is no discussion of money
When you’re moving in together, talking about money becomes essential.
If you’ve never discussed finances with each other, it might be too soon for you both to move in together.
After all, you’ll have to discuss things like rent, different kinds of bills, groceries, and a ton of other expenses.
What to do:
Even if the topic feels uncomfortable, make sure to bring it up. Ask your partner respectfully regarding which aspects of the household they would like to contribute in terms of money.
Understand who will spend how much and on which particular items. Make a list if necessary.
8. You don’t understand each other’s boundaries
Many people think that personal space is a myth when it comes to a relationship, but that’s completely untrue!
In fact, the more you respect each other’s personal boundaries, the better your relationship will be.
But even before moving in together, neither you nor your partner knows how to give each other space, it will create an uncomfortable living situation. And before you know it, you’ll be annoyed to death.
What to do:
Establish very clear personal boundaries and discuss them with your partner. Make sure that you both agree to respect each other’s personal space and not invade whenever one of you wants to do so.
9. You have just started dating
Couples who have just started dating don’t know much about each other. Moving in requires a strong foundation for your relationship, which can only happen when you both have spent enough time knowing each other.
So, if you’ve known each other only for a while, you’re not ready for it.
What to do:
If you have started dating only recently, it’s best not to think about moving in. Even if your partner wishes to do so, remind them that you’ll have lots of time in the future to make this major decision. Focus on knowing each other well.
10. You want to move in only to save money
Yes, living together can help you guys save up a lot of money. But that should never be the sole motive of this decision. You both should live together because you want to be close.
If financial burdens are the only reason, you’re just not ready.
A constant focus on saving money can turn the relationship sour and materialistic. You guys would neglect the foundation of your bond this way.
What to do:
Figure out other ways to cut costs rather than moving in together. If you both want, try experimenting by staying at each other’s places once or twice a week. If it feels great, then you can think about moving in later.
11. You don’t want to divide chores
This, again, is a big red flag when it comes to living together. It mostly happens when the guy is unwilling to do any sort of household chores because he expects his girlfriend to look after him.
What to do:
Have a clear understanding of chores and shared responsibilities. You both should also split all kinds of bills and other household tasks fairly.
If your partner promises to do their chores but doesn’t follow through after the move, take it up with them and ask them to exchange chores with you for a week or two.
Alternatively, you can also create a chore system chart.
When two people in love start to live together, they’ll obviously share thoughts with each other. This includes work-related problems and innermost hopes and dreams.
But if you and your partner barely share anything with each other and act territorial, it might not be the wisest decision to move in together.
What to do:
Try to open up with each other. Even if it feels impossible in the beginning, make an effort to tell at least one fact about yourself to your partner. Urge them to do the same and then develop your sharing skills from there.
13. Future planning scares you
Yes, such discussions can frighten a lot of people, especially ones who generally dislike commitments.
But moving in together is a great commitment to a future together. So, you can’t skip the future discussions.
What to do:
Figure out whether talking about the future is something that scares you from within. Or if it’s because you genuinely don’t see a future with your partner. Don’t move in until you are ready to have the conversation.
If you feel that you have commitment issues, talk to your partner or a trusted source.
14. Your partner controls you
Before making the big move, ask yourself whether this is a joint decision or your partner kept persuading you to do so.
Does your partner dictate your every move?
If the answer is yes, then moving in will be a huge problem in the future.
Your partner should never make any decision without consulting you first, especially when it comes to something as crucial as living together.
What to do:
Tell your partner that you’re not ready to move in with them yet. If they try to manipulate you emotionally or even threaten you, remember to hold your ground. Explain to them that you would like to think before acting on something so big.
15. You haven’t discussed family planning
For many couples, living together ultimately results in marriage, which then leads to babies. But for others, living together can be just two people enjoying each other’s company without having to get married or have children.
If you and your partner have very different views about your future family, then the child will also suffer.
If you haven’t even had this discussion, let alone know each other’s plans, that’s an alarming sign.
What to do:
Figure out your individual plans about having kids. Try your best to reach a middle ground with your partner. For example, if you want kids but your partner doesn’t, think about adopting a pet first.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
If you notice one or more of these common red flags, make sure you take time before the final decision.
Some of them need clear and honest communication. While others genuinely demand more time for the relationship to mature and improve. Take steps accordingly to make things work out.
However, if things are too hard to compromise, then reassess your relationship!
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