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Lazy Husband – Signs and Ways to Deal with Him 

Lazy Husband – Signs and Ways to Deal with Him 

Updated on Oct 18, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Lazy Husband – Signs and Ways to Deal with Him 

A lazy husband can really put you off… turn toxic over time… and in worse conditions, also be the reason behind your unhappy marriage.

But giving up on your marriage isn’t the only way. Why would you give up on your dream of a happily married life for something that can be fixed?

Yes, you hear that right.

There are ways to get rid of your husband’s laziness.

And if you’re wondering about how to do it, I have all the secrets ready for you in this think-piece!

But first, let’s know if he’s truly lazy…

Signs of a lazy husband – 10 Signs

More often than not, you hear old wives complaining about their I-won’t-get-up attitude at home. Sometimes, it’s because the man is sick or busy… and sometimes he’s truly lazy. But human beings are extremely quick to judge… which often hurts their marriage.

So, before you assume your husband is lazy, find out the truth here…

1. He avoids helping with household chores

Is washing dishes or doing the laundry only your responsibility? Or does your husband offer you a helping hand?

This is the foremost warning sign to identify if your husband is lazy.

If you always do all the household work while he sits in front of the TV or plays games, you certainly have a lazy husband.

No matter how adorable he is, chivalrous men would never let her lady do all chores alone.

2. He expects sex at the drop of a hat

Well, sex definitely improves your marital bond… but only when you are both in the mood.

So, if you had a tiring day and did all the chores alone (without his help), you’ll simply want to lie in bed and rest.

In such instances, if your husband expects sex or demands you to serve him and make him happy, he is definitely a lazy partner.

This laziness can turn toxic in no time. It’s because your mood or availability doesn’t matter to him. All he cares about is his pleasure.

Moreover, denying sex will raise a conflict in your marriage, annoy you and lead to unwanted stress.

3. He makes your home messy

A lazy husband won’t know where you keep things in the house because he never did anything on his own.

Whether he needs a glass from the kitchen or spice from the shelf, he’ll make a mess out of every place while looking for things.

And don’t even get started with the worst part…

Your chores for the day never end because you always have to clean up after him.

4. He always disagrees to compromise

You’ll never find a lazy husband willing to compromise. He always wants things his way because his needs are “superior” to yours.

Even if you try to talk about it, he will change the topic or just nod and repeat the same thing. He ignores your desires and expects you to compromise, ALWAYS!

If this happens with you regularly, this is a red flag, girl. Your husband is a lazy bum!

5. His work is more important than yours

If you both are working adults, you guys must share the household chores too. But if that’s out of the question, i.e., never happened even after asking them, you are stuck with a lazy husband.

He’ll share bills at most… but will never help you with the household chores. You must manage your job and house alone.

Worst part: he will also expect everything to be ready on time despite your working hours.

He doesn’t just prioritize his work but also thinks he works more than you… so he doesn’t need to help out at home.

6. He looks down at your work

Another glaring sign of a lazy husband is if he says “household chores are no big deal”. Yet astonishingly, he will never offer a helping hand.

Though managing your home is important, he passes hurtful comments… all because he wants to skip doing it himself.

Sometimes, he may also boast about his prestigious work and look down on your job.

If he doesn’t appreciate your work, do not be hurt or disappointed. Instead, reach out to your friend or therapist to discuss your issues and find a solution.

7. He is always tired

So, how to know if your husband is lazy?

Simple: Ask him to do a very simple task for you, and wait for a response like: “I am too tired for that now.” It can be a household chore or even your emotional needs.

What’s even funnier?

If you ask him the reason, he never has a valid excuse.

8. “My Office is so demanding!”

Another scenario of a lazy husband is that… he’ll come up with a fabulous and consistent excuse for being unable to support you. It’ll be his office, excess workload, yada yada!

He’ll either need to take an urgent call, meet strict deadlines, or attend a meeting… his work never lets him help you!

If this sounds familiar, he is a lazy one with a list of excuses to bail out. After all, don’t you help him at times, despite your workload?

9. He delays his duties

Don’t confuse this with procrastination. If he procrastinates, he will only postpone the task but still do it. But, if he is lazy, he will avoid doing anything altogether.

If your husband is lazy, he’ll always do it later… but never do it. At last, you will be compelled to finish the task yourself when you cannot delay it anymore.

10. He never, NEVER volunteers to help

If most of the signs matched until now, another one will follow. If he never volunteers to help you… or if you can’t even imagine him doing that, there’s no more doubt. Lady, your husband isn’t just lazy, he’s even inconsiderate!

You can never expect a lazy husband to show up and ask, “Hey honey, do you need my help?” It’s because he’s busy racking his brains for excuses to bail out of the scene of “helping”.

Now that you know your husband is lazy AF, what will you do about it? Well, let’s find the end to your problems…

How to deal with a lazy husband – 30 ways

If your husband is lazy, it doesn’t mean that you’ll either be his slave forever or get a divorce. It may sound impossible but you can really change him and your marriage scenes!

There are many ways to change his behavior and make him a considerate and helpful husband. So, keep faith in my words and dig in…

1. Make him your hero

Have you heard of the term ‘hero instinct’?

If you haven’t, it is probably why your husband is sitting like a lazy bum there.

Most men love superhero movies… and they also want to be a superhero. So, all you have to do is simply – make him feel like he is your superhero.

Make him realize you need him at every step and are dependent on him. Once the hero instinct is triggered in him, the laziness will naturally take a backseat.

2. Threats won’t work

Threatening may work well with kids, but not with a man-child.

Your husband is lazy by his choice. It’s not that he is incapable of helping you, but because he doesn’t want to. It’s because he’s addicted to lying on the couch, scrolling his phone while you do everything for him.

So, if you threaten him or argue with him, it will only provoke him even further. And then, no matter what you do, he will refuse to change and keep up with his lazy behavior.

Hence, stay away from all negative talks and ask him to do things with a positive tone.

3. Appreciate, applaud and acknowledge!

Often, men don’t even pick their dishes after their meals out of pride… because it’s a woman’s job!

So, here’s the deal – Ask your husband to pick his dishes or start with other such small things. And whenever he agrees, appreciate him.

It will motivate him to do it again, again, and then again. And ultimately, he will change his habits.

4. Ask him about his preferred chores

Everyone doesn’t like all sorts of work. It might be the same for your husband. Probably they don’t like the chores you ask them to do, so they don’t want to help you.

So, what should you do?

Ask him about the chores that he wouldn’t mind doing. This way, you may have to do chores you don’t like, but at least he will be ready to share the workload.

I mean, isn’t that a better deal now?

5. Don’t keep a mountain of expectation on him

Chances are you expect too much from him. This might pressure him to the point that he’ll quit helping you.

So, even while you are in the process of dealing with his laziness, lower your expectations. Do not expect him to learn things quickly. Appreciate his baby steps and his willingness to at least get up and do things.

6. Talk about it, out in the open

Now, while you are upset with your husband, he may not know about your feelings. So, try to clearly communicate with him.  

Tell him what upsets you but always, ALWAYS use a calm tone or otherwise it will lead to conflicts and misunderstandings.

In fact, put it on yourself and start the conversation with ‘I’ statements. For example, “It’s getting really tough on me to handle all the work by myself. I will love it if you could offer a helping hand.”

7. Let him know “I can earn a living without you!”

Do you have thoughts about leaving your husband?

No, be patient… and get rid of such negative thoughts. Remember, threatening them with a divorce won’t solve things.

But show him that you’re strong and earn a living on your own if he doesn’t change. You cannot always be on the draining and compromising end.

Again, be very careful about your tone during this conversation. Raising your voice or yelling is certainly not going to solve anything.

So, just stick to your plan and let him know he has no other option than to do the tasks.

8. Don’t let your relationship suffer

Of course, you are furious that he doesn’t understand or help you… So, bonding is the last thing in your mind. But if you want him to change, you have to make efforts.

When he helps you out at home, try spending more time with him and bond during the task. It’ll feel like an exciting task as you get to spend more time together.

Try doing various activities together. This way, you will focus less on how much work each of you does, and instead, be lost in each other.

9. Be flexible

Women mostly have a certain way of doing some tasks. They become very uncomfortable when those tasks are completed differently and end up redoing them yourself. However, remember that everyone has a different style of working.

Support your partner and be open-minded. Be flexible in accepting his working patterns and let him do the task in his own way.

You must only sit back and relax and be concerned about whether the work is done or not.

10. Don’t redo the tasks he has done

Don’t be a control freak and give him detailed instructions on “how” he must complete the tasks… or worse, redo it (in front of him). This will not only annoy him but also demotivate him to do anything in the future.

If you really wish to redo it, wait for him to move away.

If you redo the tasks in his presence and also complain about him not helping you, you will only hear, “Why should I make efforts when you have to do it all over again?”

You cannot argue with him over this point and then you cannot get him off the lazy couch.

11. Be considerate

As mentioned, different people have different working patterns. Along with this, they also have different timings of work. Just because you work at a particular time, you cannot expect your husband to do the same.

Look after the urgency and priority of the job before yelling at your husband for not finishing it.

Many women have OCD and want things spick and span immediately. They need to wash their cups soon after their tea but the husbands may not believe the same.

So, if you’re one of them, you have to take measures to control it. As far as he is doing the work, you cannot ask him to be immediate about his actions.

12. Go on holidays… without him!

At times, the husbands become lazy because their wives are always around them to care for and work for them. If that’s your case, leave him alone for some time.

Go for a holiday with your girl gang or visit your parents for a few days. Let him know about your plans. If you think he won’t agree, tell him after booking your tickets.

When you leave him alone for a few days, he will have to do the household work and realize his worth. This way, when you’re back, he will not only respect your hard work but also offer you help.

13. Divide daily chores

Dividing your responsibilities is the easiest way to keep yourself happy in your relationship. This way, you both know your routine chores, and there’s no pending duty.

Just like you divide the expenses, you can divide the duties too. Talk about it, ASAP.

Whether you are a working woman or a homemaker, you must still divide the responsibilities so that your husband never takes you for granted.

If it’s getting difficult to remember the duties, prepare a task table with your names and put it up on the refrigerator. This way, none of you will forget. If doing it daily is tedious, opt for a weekly work planner.

14. Listen to him… without interruption

Men usually don’t have a habit of sharing their feelings. While you may think he is lazy, he might actually be experiencing some personal issue or a mental block. Before you go on to complain, sit down and listen to him first.

Ask him if he has anything to share or if something is upsetting him. What’s keeping him at the couch and making him inactive?

15. ASK!

Probably your husband doesn’t even know that you need help. So, don’t hesitate or shy away from asking him. After all, he is your husband.

Ask him to do the dishes because you are running out of time. Meanwhile, you can handle the laundry. Request it politely, so he thinks you actually need help.

16. Run a mile together

If he wasn’t this lazy ever, but it’s a recent change, it might be something about his physical fitness. So, try exercising together.

Maybe he is willing to help, but his body feels lethargic. So, ask him to join you in the gym to become more active.

If he still doesn’t feel like moving out of the house, try doing Zumba at home or maybe go on walks together.

17. Sex is the best exercise! 😉

Sometimes wives deny sex due to the frustration out of bed… and this is the biggest mistake of their strategy. This makes him even lazier.

So, what is the connection between sex and his behavior?

Well, sex is like an aerobic workout. It makes him feel good and active during the day. If you have sex multiple times a week, it will make him active and willing to help.

18. Enroll him in a sports club nearby

If he doesn’t like exercising, enroll him in his favorite sports.

Ask him to join his friends in a game of football or a baseball class nearby, and you will notice a change in him shortly.

19. Speak your mind when he’s acting lazy

I know, whenever you mention your partner’s laziness, he will certainly get defensive. Leave it at the point so that it doesn’t blow into a flight.

But the next time he refuses to work or acts lazy, just refer it to your past discussion. This will make him feel guilty, and he may just get up and start working.

20. Be patient

Yes, at first, he may not be good at finishing your chores. But initially, you weren’t good at it either. So, let him learn with time. Be patient with him and give him his learning space.

If you mock or yell at him for failed tasks, his laziness will hit the ground again.

21. Stay calm

With patience, you also need to control your temper and be calm during the process. You probably want quick results, but changes don’t happen overnight.

While you’re working on his behavior, some days he may listen to you promptly… while on the other days he may throw tantrums. Whatever the case is, you have to be patient if you’re willing to find a sustainable solution to it.

22. Identify the reasons of his laziness

Even if you love your husband dearly, you’ll be tired of seeking help if he won’t change his behavior. His laziness might take a toll on your marriage.

But if you give up, he will never be able to change and you may end up separating.

So, instead of quitting, figure out the reasons for his laziness first and then work on ways to solve it.

23. Analyze your behavior

It is also possible that the problem is not with him but with you. Probably you are being too fussy about the tasks. Or, maybe you constantly complain about him not doing the work properly.

All these negative talks will eventually stop him from helping you… so, watch your behavior.

24. Set goals together

As a couple, you certainly have some short-term and long-term goals. To achieve them all, you must spare some time together.

So, ask your husband to help you with the daily chores so that you both can work on these goals together.

25. Don’t make strict rules

Men want to live a free and flexible life. So, if you make strict rules for him about tasks, he will never do it as it threatens his freedom.

So, even if he is slow, let him be, and allow him to change his ways willingly.

26. Cooperate with him

Notice if your partner is lazy only sometimes. If that’s the case, ignore such petty issues. We all feel lethargic on some days.

Instead of nagging at such issues, cooperate with him and tell him he can do the work later.

27. Make him feel happy

If you keep a bitch face and ask him to help you, he will either not do it or do it with frustration.

If you want him to do things willingly, you must also keep a positive environment at home. For that, you must make him happy.

For example, you can tell him, “I will cook your favorite dish, but you will have to help me with the dishes later.”

28. Never refuse his help

If, for once, even for formality, he asks you if he can help you, do not refuse it. If you refuse, he will think you can handle things on your own and do not need him.

He may not offer help to you ever again. Moreover, if you raise the issue of him not helping you, he may bring up the instance when you refused his help. This way, you will be at fault.

29. Wait for a good mood

Obviously, don’t attack him with complaints right after he returns from his office. Wait for him to freshen up and relax.  

Request him to help you with some chores than sitting in front of the TV when he is in a good mood and watch the magic happen.

30. Don’t expect tidiness

Most often than not, women are tidier than men. They like to keep their home clean and tidy. The same is not true with men.

So, when your husband works, don’t point out the untidiness in work. Otherwise, he may get lazy again. Let him realize eventually that he can do the tasks in a better way.  


You may now know the signs and ways to deal with a lazy husband but that’s not all. You need more information to cope with this situation wisely. So, here are a few common questions (with answers) about a lay husband.

1. Is laziness grounds for divorce?

In short, No… Never.

Laziness is not the grounds for divorce. But it’s extremely difficult to survive your married life with a lazy partner.

If you’re the only responsible one in your marriage, it will eventually lead to a lot of resentment and anger.

Well, other than that, being lazy is one thing, and being disrespectful is another. If he never thinks of helping you and shows no signs of changing after repeated efforts, you know why divorce is in your mind.

2. How do you even motivate a lazy husband?

Motivating your lazy husband may seem like a task, but you can start by clearly communicating your expectations to him.

If he loves and cares for you, he will certainly show signs of change. But if he still won’t change, it’s time you warn him.

3. Why are husbands lazy?

Husbands usually prefer relaxing on the couch than working with you in the house.

But sometimes it’s because he is experiencing some problems that is taking a toll on him. Probably that’s why he just wants to relax.

Communicate with him about his situation. Do not make judgments in a hurry. After all, he is your partner and expects you to understand him.

Don’t have time to check for the signs? Take a quick quiz to find out if he’s lazy…

Is my husband lazy quiz 

So, you want to know if your husband is lazy or not… but duh you have no time. So, take this quiz to find the truth quickly…

1. Did you notice anything new in your husband or is he the same?

(a) He seems the same, but I haven’t noticed.

(b) He’s the same.

(c) No, he changed.

2. Does your husband do any household responsibilities in routine life?

(a) Not regularly.

(b) Only if I nag him.

(c) It’s an old story, not anymore.

3. Does your husband get annoyed if you deny sex because you are tired?

(a) Yes. He wants it no matter what.

(b) Sometimes.

(c) No… he’s not even interested.

4. Have you ever told him what you want him to do to make the situation better?

(a) I have tried, but he doesn’t want to change now.

(b) Yes, but it didn’t work.

(c) No.

5. Do you always argue over marital duties?

(a) Yes.

(b) Sometimes.

(c) No.

6. What does he do when you do the chores?

(a) Enjoys his leisure time.

(b) Does the chores he wants to or goes out with friends.

(c) Works and sleeps.

7. Does he clean up his mess?

(a) I’m always doing that.

(b) Only if I remind him.

(c) He used to do it back in the day… not anymore.

8. Does he pretend that his job is more hectic than yours?

(a) Always.

(b) He says he does enough by doing his job so chores should be my task.

(c) Recently this started.

9. Did he ever threaten you to not force him into household duties?

(a) Yes.

(b) Sometimes.

(c) Not really.

10. Did you ever try to split the chores equally?

(a) Yes, but it didn’t work.

(b) Yes, but he soon stopped.

(c) At some point we followed this, but no longer.

If you mostly answered (A)

Your husband is lazy and stubborn. He has his head high in the clouds and it’ll be tough to change him… but not impossible.

He doesn’t want to change his behavior for now. But with repeated efforts, things may change.

If you mostly answered (B)

He is not lazy, he’s selfish and needs a reality check. He thinks that household chores are a woman’s job.

Probably, he also believes he’s superior to you in some way so he mustn’t do household chores. You need to have a TALK to put an end to this.

If you mostly answered (C)

Your husband is demotivated because of some issues going on at work or in other areas of his life. He wasn’t ever lazy to start with. He’s truly in a pinch and needs your support to feel energetic and get back on track.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Marriages are complicated and tough… after all, it requires two unique people to now follow the same lifestyle and routine… all while keeping each other happy.

But, if your husband isn’t ready to put enough effort… you’d obviously feel depressed, lonely, and even hate your decision to marry him.

However, that’s exactly what you must avoid.

Instead, stay optimistic and give it your all to make the marriage work.

Try everything you can, be patient, seek advice from trusted loved ones and relationship experts, and leave no page unturned.

If your husband loves you, he’ll definitely change for the better. But if he doesn’t, there’s no reason to stop yourself from getting a divorce.

Just don’t make hasty decisions to find your happiness!

A husband who refuses to get up from the couch, no matter what and expects you to work 24*7, is definitely a lazy husband.

Are you interested to know more about ‘Trophy Husband’ then click here?