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How to Trigger the Hero Instinct In Your Man?

How to Trigger the Hero Instinct In Your Man?

Updated on Oct 06, 2022

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

30 Ways to Trigger a Hero Instinct in Men

If you’re interested in making your man fall for you over and over, the hero instinct is the right approach!

Well, many women wonder if it’s a real thing or not… but it sure can change relationships for the better.

Whether your man doesn’t want to commit to a serious relationship… or you feel your relationship lost its charm, this relatively new relationship psychology will help you.

You can have the man of your dreams wrapped around your pinky finger and act like your knight in shining armor!

If that sounds like an attractive deal, dig in already…

Want to see Hero Instinct in your man?  30 simple ways to unlock it
Want to see Hero Instinct in your man – 30 simple ways to unlock it

What is the Hero Instinct?

A hero is someone who is brave, admired by people for doing inspiring and great things for the masses. They are fearless and highly-skilled for facing challenges, which are not possible by a common man.

However, in general, we all want to be like a hero or want to have that ‘hero instinct’ in us.

For men, their deepest desire is to feel heroic or feel like very much needed by the women they attracted to, and for women, they like to do heroic deeds, but that is not a requirement for them to be perceived as one.

When we think of a hero, we imagine Hollywood movies, where the male protagonist is shown to be a man who saves the day.

The male hero will save people’s lives and even protect his love interest from the dangers that are plotted in the movie. In the end, he is loved by all.

Why does a man want to be your Hero?

Owing to the basic male psychology, a man becomes naturally protective when truly in love. A study published in the ‘Physiology and behavior journal’ states that the hormone testosterone makes them believe that they are responsible for their partner’s safety.

For instance, they will take the front lead in case anyone is arguing with you. Or, maybe, keep a watch and protect you from prying eyes.

It can be as simple as not letting you walk towards the traffic side of the road or wait for you to enter your home before they drive back.

Your man may not be able to express his love to you through words. But his actions will tell you all.

Where does the word “Hero Instinct” Come From?

The term ‘Hero Instinct was first introduced in the best-selling book, ‘His Secret Obsession’, written by James Bauer.

James, a relationship psychologist, worked with thousands of males and females and helped them strengthen their relationships.

He studied his client’s relationships and researched male psychology. The result he found was that the key to a happy relationship is by triggering the hero instinct in a man.

The main element here is that you don’t make your man feel unwanted. Infact, you make him feel like you need him the most.

Men will love to hold your back and stand as a pillar for you. He will love to see you work out your own things but also take pride if he can be a part of it too.

Why does the Hero Instinct Work?

The hero instinct works on appreciation. It makes the men feel that their efforts are not wasted. They realize they aren’t spending their time on someone who doesn’t value him.

On receiving the smallest of appreciation, they are ready to do anything to keep you happy.

If you understand the power of ‘the hero instinct’ and implement it in everyday life, you already have his heart. On the contrary, don’t misinterpret that he is taking efforts to manipulate you. 

When you consider him your hero without capes, he is ready to do things for you without asking for anything in return. He will do things for you that are unexpected from him.

He will change for the woman of his life who makes him feel superior in this world.

What are the three types of Hero Deeds? [With Examples]

Hero deeds are divided into three types, depending on the intent of the man, including:

There are some simple, old-fashioned deeds like opening the car door for you, lending you his coat, lifting a heavy object for you, etc. However simple these may seem; the men will do it only out of affection towards you.

Then there are advice-based hero deeds. This category includes giving you suggestions for an interview or which smartphone is better.

It can be as simple as recommending you a new place to dine in or a new technique to do your work more efficiently. These are the signs that he wants to prove useful to you.

The third type is the special treatment hero deeds. All the unexpected gifts that he pampers you with are classified in this category.

He can also do some household chores for you. This simply means that he puts your needs before his.

Why should you trigger his Hero Instinct?

As we discussed above, the hero instinct makes the men feel valued and appreciated. It allows them to do unexpected things for their woman selflessly.  

Honestly, the hero instinct is the way to a man’s heart. If you don’t believe in this, you will later regret it when you lose him forever. This is why it is important to trigger the hero instinct in him.

If you are always independent and keeping the charge of your own things, your man will be proud of you. But he will not feel proud of himself.

This is because he will think he has no important role to play in your life and you will do just fine without him. He will love you only when you become a little dependent on him.

What happens when you trigger the hero instinct?

As per James Bauer’s theory, hero instinct can make your dating or relationship so much more enjoyable. While you show him that he’s the hero, he can make you feel like his queen. So, let’s know more in detail here…

  1. You’ll always be on his mind. Unless he’s busy at work or asleep, you’ll be on his mind for a long time.
  2. If he thinks about you day in and day out, you’ll become the most valued person in his life. He won’t care about any other woman around him.
  3. He’ll have an insatiable desire for you which will be much stronger than physical or sexual attraction.
  4. It can help you sort out even the most hopeless situation. So, if he’s been ignoring you, you can count on it. Hero instinct will build a deep romantic connection for you.
  5. It also reminds him that if he doesn’t value you, someone else will gladly do… because you’re that precious. 

However, all of this happens only if you keep certain things in mind. For instance, understand that hero instinct doesn’t ask you to blindly please a man. Rather, it focuses on giving him chances to know you better and the ways that will work to win you.

So, let’s take a regular example. Your shower pipe isn’t working. You tell him that and say that you already contacted the plumber. In this situation, he has zero chance to show off his skills and please you. Or, if you initiate contact all the time, he gets no chance to send the first text or call. 

With hero instinct, you show him that you’re valuable and he has the chance to cherish you.

Why is it important for you to understand your man’s hero instinct?

The key thing to understand here is your man wants to be a valuable part of your life. Unless the most appreciable woman of his life values him, he is going to feel worthless. And you don’t want to make him feel that, isn’t it?

So, it is important to ask for his help at frequent intervals to make him feel that you need him. This doesn’t mean that he considers you weak.

But he wants to do things for you whenever he is available. He wants to make his woman feel precious. He wants to dedicate his life to you but it is only possible if you allow him to.

Benefits of Hero Instinct in you and Your Man

Hero instinct gives a man all the positive vibes which makes him want to stay in a relationship and cherish you. Without it, men lose interest in relationships. You can make your current relationship work out with hero instinct unless he’s really not worth it.

Hero instinct makes a man feel safe, secure, wanted, needed, and desired. It also activates his caring and protective instincts. This helps him feel more deeply involved in his relationship or marriage.

He always remembers how you feel safe and makes him feel appreciated. For this, his desire to make you his, keep you to himself, and do everything to sustain a beautiful relationship spikes.

On the other hand, without hero instinct, a man won’t invest efforts to make you feel special. He’ll leave as soon as the honeymoon phase wears off.

Not all men are loyal… and they simply take women as plaything. So, whenever a man can’t stay in the relationship, women often misunderstand them. They think any man that leaves is not worth it and give up.

But if you trigger the hero instinct, you can change his feelings about the relationship and make him want to stay. You can avoid jumping between relationships this way. 

Impatient to trigger the hero instinct? Let’s know the different ways here…

30 Ways to Trigger The Hero Instinct in Your Man

So, if you’ve got a brief idea of what a hero instinct is, then you can trigger the same in your man.

Here are a few hero instinct triggers

1. Get help from him

It’s great to be an independent person; there’s no denying it. However, men feel insecure or a better way to say it is they feel dorky around independent women.

It is good that you do all things by yourself, what about your man, who is dying to offer his help to you? He is dissatisfied and feels useless when he is of no help.

To win your man, show him that you need him. Ask his help for some chores or during an emergency. For example, call him when your car is broken down, or ask him to move the furniture of the house when you are mopping.

Involve him in making decisions, ask for his opinions, and then see the magic with a big smile on his face.

2. Appreciate him for what he does

The more you’ll thank him, the more he’ll value you! Even if it is a menial task, thank him for everything. Thank him when he drops you to work; thank him when he cleans the house or even cooks you a meal. 

To trigger a man’s hero instinct, you need to make him feel that he is the real hero of your life, and you are incomplete without him.

If you want to win your man, avoid taking him for granted, which may not be taken positively by him.

3. Respect him

When you will start admiring him and honor him for his deeds, you’ll light up your man. He is always striving hard to earn your respect, and you need to value that.

Let him win your heart, and if you do that, your man’s heart is totally yours.

4. Don’t go overboard

Contradicting the previous point which suggests thanking your man for what he does, this point will tell you that you need not go over the top.

For example, stop appreciating him for regular chores like putting his coat on the hanger when he enters the house. This way, he won’t accept the fact that the thank you was required here. 

Instead, you need to bring some challenges for your man, as they love them. Ask them to fix the tap or the door of the garage. They don’t like women who nag at them.

So here again, don’t get so demanding and strike a balance between both of you.

5. Praise him among his friends and colleagues

Make him feel as if he is the seventh heaven by acknowledging his acts in front of others. Speak good about him and what made you feel good about him.

Surprise him by taking him out on a date after his work with some quirky hero instinct phrases. His colleagues and friends will be around to watch that, and your man will obviously feel good, and the hero instinct in him will be triggered!

6. Make him realize that he makes you happy

If you want your man to feel like a hero, along with making him feel appreciated and respected, making him realize that he makes you happy will be cherry on the top. You see, it is the base of your relationship.

If he feels that he is not making you happy, then he’ll feel that your relationship is failing. Simple text messages expressing how happy you are with him have the power of turning things around you!

7. Support him in doing things that interest him

Your man will go head over heels on the fact that you let him do whatever he loves. Especially sports or adventure which shows his masculine side as well.

They like to be with other men for a while to have that manly talk and sharing the same interests with them.

You need to avoid nagging to do chores in the middle of his playing video games, or going to the gym. Instead, for triggering his hero instincts, praise how his muscles look, and the next you’ll come to know!

8. Challenge him!

Men love challenges.  Do nothing, but challenge them. It brings out their competitive spirit. When they have a mission to complete, they take it as a chance to prove themselves.

It can be anything like fixing a broken thing or cooking a day without your help. Just set a challenging task for him.

You can also take it in a way that while he works to fix things, you get a chance to relax. After the work is done, there is no false admiration thrown at him.

With the completion of the task, he genuinely earns your respect and that’s what he also wants.

9. Tell him “He’s the ONLY one!”

Your man knows he is the only one if you are in a serious or married relationship. But it helps to ‘show’ him that he is the only one.

You can do this by paying attention to every small detail of him. You can show it through your body language or your touches towards him.

Exchange a few meaningful looks with him and learn to understand it at once what he is saying.

On occasions, just tell him ‘There’s nobody like him’ or ‘He is the only one’ and make him feel he rules your world.

10. Seek his opinion and value it

Before making major decisions in your life, seek him. No, you’re not bound to get permission for everything you do… but it’s a good habit to discuss your thoughts and ideas. 

If you overlook any issue, he can help you point that out and even find a suitable solution for that. Moreover, you feel more like a couple when you discuss your plans… despite how big or small it is.

This healthy relationship practice naturally triggers his hero instinct because he feels his opinions are valued. On the other hand, if you don’t do this, he might feel undervalued and resentful… even if you make the right decision.

11. Brew the chivalrous moments

I know some women don’t like the idea of someone holding their door, opening the car door, or the man covering your tab. This is probably due to the new trends in feminism. 

While it’s great to be equals in a relationship, allow yourself to get pampered and feed his ego once in a while. Become old-fashioned on formal dates and infuse chivalry to create even more romantic moments.

So, let him carry your bag, hold the groceries, take your hand, and help him feel like he’s needed and build the intimate moments.

12. Show your vulnerabilities

Often, women put forth a strong image because they’re afraid of being manipulated or taken advantage of. This is a learned mechanism since childhood because of so many evils around women or trauma from childhood and bad relationships.

Eventually, it becomes a habit and women forget that it’s alright to show their vulnerabilities to their men. In fact, men feel more appreciated and closer when their women show their scars.

So, try to muster up your courage and show him your weak side. Tell him exactly how you feel even if you’re scared of being judged. If you’re with the right man, his desire to protect you will well up in his heart.

13. Accept his weaknesses

The cruel society expects a lot for men… men can’t cry, men can’t be weak, men should be strong… the list is endless! And men try so hard to perform to meet these vague expectations. 

So, tell him that it’s okay to let it out during tough times. Don’t expect him to suppress it inside when he’s struggling. Tell him that you’ll be proud of him whether he cries, complains, or seeks you for emotional support… and that he’s also a human being.

Help him let out the emotions… soothe him if he’s crying, hug him tight if he’s afraid, reassure him if he’s embarrassed, and just listen when he calmly vents his anger. 

14. Never press on these topics excessively

When you show him your vulnerabilities, make sure you don’t talk about them often. Don’t rely on him too much. Or, he might assume that you’re needy and can’t deal with them by yourself.

On the other hand, don’t press him too much about sharing his vulnerabilities. Men usually shut down their emotional side strongly. So, you can’t make him let go of everything at once. 

As a result, you might often nag him to express himself. If you act too eager and persistent, he might feel suspicious and try to suppress his feelings more. So, stay within limits.

15. Never violate his boundaries

In any happy, healthy, and harmonious relationship, maintaining boundaries is an essential part. So, know about your man’s limits and respect them as much as you can.

If you often violate his boundaries, he’ll get angry and cranky around you. He won’t feel safe to be himself when you guys hang out and will always put his guard up against you.

For instance, don’t force him to share personal info like social media passwords, and don’t invade his space when he’s tired. Think about what’s acceptable to you… or communicate your boundaries for a better idea. 

16. Don’t play hard to get

Some women love to play hard to get and some men love to chase them… but that’s all fun and games only for a while. So, if you’re not in a relationship and he’s pursuing you, don’t take too long to settle down.

If the chase takes too long, he might think he doesn’t have a chance or that you aren’t that keen to be with him.

It definitely feels amazing to have all of his attention… but don’t make it to the point that he’s exhausted. Show him that he’s special and that you want him too.

On the other hand, if you’re together and you still make him chase you, reciprocate the gesture. Chase him equally to show he’s your only one.

17. Devote your attention to him

When he’s talking, listen to him as he matters. Stop scrolling through Instagram, turn off the music, don’t interrupt him, and lower the volume or shut down the TV altogether.

Be present when he talks, otherwise, he’ll feel unheard. Don’t seem bored or distracted if you want to trigger the hero instinct. A disinterested or indifferent woman is the worst turn-off to his hero instinct.

However, if you have no time at all or something else is on your mind, don’t be shy to reschedule it. It’s much better than hurrying the convo and gaining nothing out of it. He’ll feel you actually care about him that way.

18. Learn about his love language

Different people feel appreciated and loved in different ways. Based on that, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

You both may not have the same love language. If you don’t know his love language, it might trouble the awakening of hero instinct. 

Love languages help you feel loved and connected. So, when you know his love language and express your affection that way, he’ll know you get him… and he must have you in his life and protect you forever. 

19. Let his masculinity flow freely

There are different ways of expressing masculinity and no two men express it in similar ways. Accept whichever way your man expresses his masculinity. 

You might be used to other expressions of masculinity… but don’t judge him for expressing it differently. Appreciate his masculine language and watch him feel good and desire you even more.

20. Work on his insecurities

Hero or not… he has his insecurities like any other man around you. For some women, it’s hard to accept that their man suffers from complexes. They say mean things like “Man up!”

Don’t ever target his insecurities even if you’re out of your mind. That will hurt him so deeply that he’ll want to step out of the relationship. 

Instead, care for him when his insecurities are triggered. Help him heal and show him that you admire him despite these minor flaws. If you find him beautiful despite those, he’ll know those don’t matter to you. So, he’ll desire to protect your beautiful soul at every cost.

21. Be nice verbally about everything

Whether it’s a happy and upbeat conversation or a serious one, try to put everything in nice and kind words. If you use harsh words, it’ll impact him negatively. Instead of being your hero, he’ll feel like the villain of your life. So, get rid of the accusing tones. 

For instance, if he forgets a chore don’t say “You forgot to do so-and-so again!” Instead say, “Today is your turn to do so-and-so…”

Of course, as mentioned before, don’t go overboard by appreciating his responsibilities. Instead, show him gratitude in some other way. 

He’ll feel like he accomplished something and think that it’s his lucky day because you pampered him.

22. Treat him like a King

Don’t just make your man a hero… make him feel like he’s your king. Show your gratitude in your own way when he does something for you. Appreciate his hard work when he reaches his goals. 

Say sweet and romantic things to him. Don’t argue with him unless you’re certain that he’s wrong. Give him the freedom to choose for himself. 

Think about how anyone treats a king, and you’ll know the small tricks that will make him feel powerful. He will cling to you even more if you make him gloat in glory.

23. Show physical affection

Even when you show affection to your lover, you can trigger his hero instinct in a particular way. Make him feel like he’s your protector when you express your love with affectionate physical contact.

For instance, while cuddling, let him be the bigger spoon. Hold his arm when you’re sitting sideways and let your head rest on his shoulder. While holding hands, make sure your hands are below his.

While walking, if you want to hold hands, reach out for his hand shyly and don’t grab it like how mothers hold their kid’s hand. So, hold a few fingers and let him hold your hand properly.

These affectionate gestures make him so much more attracted to him.

24. Allow him some space

Men are used to women invading their personal space. Honestly speaking, all men believe that women always need attention. They believe once they’re in a relationship, their women won’t allow them to live a carefree life as usual. Most men are uncomfortable about committing because of this.

So, if he wants some space to himself, let him have his way. If he wants a boys’ night, don’t mind it. If he needs time to himself away from you, don’t make a scene.

If you act understanding in small ways, he’ll understand you’re valuable and want to protect you – a rare woman – even more!

25. Embrace his kindness

Whether there’s a reason or not, your man might suddenly have urges to pamper and care for you. His hero instincts will show up naturally from time to time. 

He might pull you towards the pedestrian side while you’re walking on roads together. He might pamper you with breakfast in bed out of the blue. Or, he might just give you a massage after a long tiring day at your office.

Make sure you don’t pinpoint these soft caring gestures or make him extremely aware of them. Because, if he feels shy or judged, he’ll stop doing it.

26. Accept his protective nature

As per studies, men’s high testosterone levels are the reason behind their protective nature towards their partner’s safety. 

So, the desire to be your hero is pretty much ingrained in his body. Unless you cut off his testosterone production, it’s impossible to not want to be your knight in shining armor.

That’s why you must let him protect you in his own way. If he does anything to make you feel safe and protected, don’t judge him for that. Instead, accept the gestures willingly. 

However, don’t confuse protective and overprotective nature. The first one is healthy and the second is toxic.

27. Activate your momma instincts

Men are similar to innocent children in many ways. They love to be pampered and protected. Don’t be surprised… triggering the hero instinct doesn’t mean that you can’t be his hero once in a while. 

He’s your hero… but he might also need a hero in his life sometimes. So, be open to helping him when he asks for it. When he’s in trouble, show him that you have his back. 

This way, he’ll know that he’s an important part of your life. If you back him during his bad times, he’d never forget about it. Out of love and gratitude, his hero instincts will be triggered.

28. But don’t become his real momma

In a relationship, it’s okay to protect him with your maternal instincts… however, make sure you don’t spoil him like a conventional mom. 

For instance, mothers always give love and nourishment to their children without expecting anything in return. Mothers are selfless… but make sure the give and take in your relationship is balanced. Otherwise, you’ll feel resentful towards him if he doesn’t give you anything in return.

Care for him… but don’t weaken his caring side. Let him decide for himself, take charge, and love you… remember this as it’s your goal.

29. Try to understand him when he says he’s okay

Though your man is capable and needs to feel like a hero… the hero instinct never says that you can’t be his savior! So, whenever he’s in a pinch, stay by his side even if he doesn’t ask for it.

If he acts unlike him, don’t jump to conclusions. Instead, try to understand his issues and what emotions are hidden behind his bad mood. 

Don’t always take words like “I’m fine” or “I’ll take care of it” seriously. Don’t pry in but keep an eye out to catch the intricate issues.

But, if you can’t understand it at all, ask him directly. Say something like “I know something is bothering you but you won’t tell me. You know we’re a team, right?”

He’ll feel loved and become deeply bonded to you.

30. Let him fight for you

Men fight for their women until they can win their hearts. The moment you get in a relationship with your man, he feels that he won and that’s the end of the fight.

At this point, most women accept that out of kindness. However, if you’re not a treasure he can win, he’ll definitely lose interest. As I said, men want challenges… and you can be one too!

So, allow him to fight for you and win you repeatedly. Oh… don’t worry, he won’t get worn out or bored of earning you… instead, it’ll make him feel confident about himself and you’ll both be more emotionally satisfied.

Here are some Tips to trigger the Hero instinct in your man –

How to trigger a man’s hero instinct

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

You needn’t play the damsel in distress

You can be a strong woman, and at the same time make your man feel like a hero.

Isn’t it a badass thing to control the scenario your way by making him feel he is in control of the situation?

Wink wink!!!

Frequently Asked Questions on Hero Instinct

How can I trigger my Husband’s Hero Instinct?

To trigger your husband’s hero instinct, ask him to help you with tasks he is good at. It can be as simple as asking him to fix some issue on your laptop. It will boost his confidence.

It’s just how a man’s psyche operates; they feel good when they can help you in any manner. It is not necessary to ask him to do something huge. Some small things that you are unable to do can also make him feel useful.

Men love when you flaunt them in front of others and take pride in having them. It tells them that he is your hero and means the world to them.

What are the Hero Instinct 12 phrases?

Hero Instinct 12 words is a list of things to tell your man over text to boost his confidence or trigger his hero instinct. They have been tested on many guys and have successfully triggered their hero instincts.

In our modern age relationships, many women have stopped using it. However, it is an extremely crucial way to a man’s heart. It might not disappear all your relationship problems, but it will certainly make things better.

When he does manly things for you, express your appreciation in conversation and rub his shoulders. The man will totally fall for you. The crux is to make the man feel needed.

What are the Secret Obsession Phrases?

These secret obsession phrases help your man to fall for you. These phrases show you his vulnerable side. It helps you to grow together on an emotional, mental and physical level.

When you use these phrases, the man comes begging for your love and will do everything to show you how much he needs you in his life. A man’s psychology plays an important role here.

When you use phrases like ‘I want you’, or ‘I love you’, it might be a normal way of showing affection for you, but for him, you earned his world. A man needs reassurance with such love phrases.

What is a Man’s Secret Obsession?

Every man has his own secret obsession. It is something that a man desires more than love and money. If you can rightly find out your man’s secret obsession, you will definitely win him over. To get his love and commitment for the rest of your life, it is important to find out your man’s secret obsession.

Every man’s secret obsession is to be with someone who considers him as her hero i.e., brings out the hero instinct in him. Every man has a different obsession so the woman will have to find it out for her man.

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