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What is a Transactional Relationship? Characteristics, Advantages, Disadvantages & Everything Else

What is a Transactional Relationship? Characteristics, Advantages, Disadvantages & Everything Else

Updated on May 27, 2022 | Published on Apr 13, 2022

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

Transactional Relationship - Meaning, Characteristics, Advantages, & Disadvantages

Wondering what’s a transactional relationship? Or, are you already in one? Want to be in a relationship only for gains? 

Well, it’s great that you looked it up. Transactional relationships are hard to work with. You both must understand what you’ll get in. 

And in this think-piece, I’ll fill in everything you need to know about these relationships. 

With time, transactional relationships might change for the better or worse… it depends on how you both adapt to it.

You may face family pressure for a transactional relationship. However,  if the idea doesn’t sit well with you, don’t force yourself.

Come on, let’s know more about this here…

Transactional Relationship Infographics

Transactional Relationship - Definition, Characteristics & How Can You Make It Work
Transactional Relationship – Definition, Characteristics & How Can You Make It Work
Transactional Relationship - Advantages & Disadvantages
Transactional Relationship – Advantages & Disadvantages

What is a transactional relationship?

Summary
In transactional relationships, partners stay together because they get some sort of benefit or support like money, status, education, future goals, etc. It doesn’t depend on love, affection, compatibility, or chemistry.

A transactional relationship is a marriage between two people who exchange some kind of service. They aren’t together for love and affection, but they get some kind of benefit or support from it.

The term “transaction” in this context has pretty much the same meaning as in businesses.

Unlike romantic relationships, transactional ones don’t thrive on love, compatibility, or chemistry. It rather depends on what both parties may gain or lose from the relationship.

This is a usual case in most arranged marriages. Some develop love in the long run, but most remain transactional… where the two remain together for fulfilling expectations and reciprocating them as required.

Such arranged marriages depend on money, family clan, astrological matching, future goals, and education. It’s purely a deal between two families to unite prestige or power.

For instance, a marriage between the children of two business tycoons unites the two businesses… very similar to business relationships.  

Sometimes the couple themselves want such relationships or marriage, other times their families coerce them into it.

Wondering how these relationships look? Let’s make the picture clear with these…


Transactional relationship examples

There can be different types of transactions between two partners. It all depends on their needs and capabilities.

It varies from person to person and can happen in any relationship of any social class. Let’s find some common instances here…

1. One partner is extremely talented and the other has many sources. The talented one gets funding to flourish in life. The resourceful person gets to flaunt that they have a talented partner in society.

2. The man only takes care of his job or business. The woman takes care of children, chores, and shopping, and never gets help for anything.

3. The children know that the mother will take them to and fro school, feed, teach and play with them. But the father doesn’t involve much so they never approach him.

4. The earner only contributes his earned money. The other person contributes in all other fields.

5. The wife treats her husband’s earnings as her own. The husband thinks investing in her is equal to investing in himself.

Everyone says any relationship which isn’t for love, isn’t a relationship. They insist on relational relationships. Wondering what’s that? Let’s have a look here…


Transactional Relationship vs Relational Relationship

Summary
Transactional relationships only work when two people have something valuable to offer. In relational relationships, two people unite out of love for one another. However, transactional relationships are much more secure in case someone’s feelings change.

Transactional relationships, though not the best kind, work for those who stay true to their demands. These relationships aren’t like slavery so it isn’t an unhealthy relationship completely.

If both partners get what they expected, this relationship can flow smoothly.

However, some people don’t like the idea of a transactional relationship because of the “exchange of services”.

For instance, sex in return for money = prostitution. Chores in return for money = servant-master relationship.

Partners label what they provide in the relationship. You say “I give money in the relationship” and your partner says “I invest physical labor in the relationship”.

You own what you provide in a transactional relationship… This isn’t the case in relational relationships.

In relational ones, couples work as a team they earn together, may or may not have claim over one another’s finances, and don’t demand anything from the relationship.

There’s no fixed role over who gives more because they just enjoy giving to one another.

However, in a relational relationship when your feelings change… you might not be secure anymore.

On the other hand, in a transactional relationship, responsibility sense overcomes feelings because of prenups so you’re secure.

Wondering about the usual features of transactional relationships? Keep scrolling to find out…


Characteristics of Transactional Relationships

Transactional relationships, though not the best kind, are still quite popular among some. While some are already in a transactional relationship unknowingly. Wanna know if you’re in one? Let’s find it here…

1. You focus on your benefits

The relationship is completely like a business deal. You both focus on what you will get from the relationship.

For instance, if the man only brings in money in the relationship, the woman focuses on how much money he can provide or how much he earns.

If the woman takes care of the household, the man focuses on what kind of food she can make, what kind of chores she can do, and whether she can do household heavy work.

2. Both of you expect something from one another

Both partners learn what the other can bring to the relationship. You expect the most out of one another. It might be money, family and/or legal status, power, and legality.

You don’t expect love and affection from one another, but something far more. To want a transactional relationship, you view relationships as a means to achieve comfort and security.

For instance, you expect them to keep the household finances stable or up to their standards. They expect you to care for children and all the in-laws.

Since the expectations are defined, there are fewer arguments. However, when the expectations exceed, there’s always disappointment and resentment.

Human feelings change, so the demands may slowly increase and go out of hand. That’s when the relationship might fail.

3. You want more than you’ll give

Romantic partners want to give one another more. This feeling is the driving force of such romantic relationships. They only want to make their partner happy unconditionally.

But transactional ones deeply revolve around business transactions. Everyone wants more gains with less input. They want good returns from the investment… which is the relationship.

From the first day of the marriage, both partners are dead set on what they get. So long both feel satisfied with what they receive, they make the relationship work.

Either of you won’t ever treat one another nicely without any conditions.

4. Prenups are a must

Prenuptial agreements help protect the rights of you both in marriage. It compiles what each of you owes the other in the relationship and the penalties if you break any promise.

In case you two end on bad terms, prenups become even more essential. Otherwise, you may get the shorter side of the stick.

Before a couple begins a transactional relationship or marriage, it’s very common to sign prenups.

Prenuptial agreements are popular among celebs and business tycoons. They enter the relationship with business in mind, even when they love one another.

Other couples don’t sign prenups because they don’t have particular expectations or damage control. They want to go with the flow of their emotions.

5. Transactional relationships aren’t unhealthy

Many opine that transactional relationships are unhealthy because of the strict give-and-take policy. However, it’s actually healthy if both partners stay true to one another.

When the partners have honesty and integrity, take responsibility for their promises, words, and actions, and deal with poor situations positively… This relationship can work even without love.

It’s all about how serious you are about the marriage.

6. There’s no emotional drama

In traditional relationships, you want to be together because you love one another’s company. You find happiness in one another, think they’re funny, and everything feels more positive.

However, when you fight or don’t keep romantic promises, it feels extremely painful.

In transactional relationships, the benefits are the only important part. So, the same happens but instead of feelings, it’s all about benefits.

Even if your partner forgets about your birthday, you won’t feel as hurt so long you get the benefits. There are fewer fits over emotional expectations.

7. It’s you vs. them

Both of you compete against one another. You’re never on the same team in a transactional relationship.

You both weigh your gains in the relationship. When you want something, you don’t think about getting it for you both. Rather you focus on getting it for yourself.

Or, when you don’t feel satisfied with the relationship… you compare what you gave them with what you got. You make them feel guilty for giving you less. 

Since the relationship works like a business, it’s full of competition to get better. This kind of psychology gets in the way of working harmoniously.

8. You judge the relationships on results

In transactional relationships, you don’t care about one another’s efforts to achieve their promises. You don’t feel anything unless you get the results.

Suppose a loving couple wanted a grand cottage. But they settled for something less because things didn’t go as expected. They still appreciate what they get and don’t disregard the efforts.

Transactional relationships start with business in mind… so nobody cares about the negative circumstances or the sufferings of the other.

It sounds cruel, but that’s the way business always works.

9. There are rewards and penalties in the relationship

In transactional relationships, when one becomes happy, they treat to please the other in their ways. This pleasing encourages following particular behavioral patterns more.

On the other hand, when something goes wrong, they might not fight… however, they may deny usual forms of satisfaction… whether it’s money or any action they like.

Such relationships intensely depend on positive and negative reinforcements. However, this might significantly decrease communication in the relationship.

10. The definition of relationship success is different

Couples in transactional relationships define successful, or healthy relationships differently because of different ideals.

Romantic partners focus on how they’re loved despite the hardships in life. If you ask them to define happiness or a successful relationship… they’ll include themselves and their partner in the picture.

In relationships including transactions, they’ll judge how much they got in return. No shade, but they will calculate the gains and losses before answering such questions.

To them, the happiness and success frame is about them getting everything they desired.

Wondering why some people begin this kind of relationship? Well, they certainly have some gains. Let’s familiarize ourselves with those here…


Advantages of Transactional Relationships

Many social elites knowingly seek transactional relationships because of their dazzle and gains.

They aren’t shy about their desires in life. Since life only happens once, they give their all for these benefits…

1. Both of you are givers and takers

Like business deals, both partners invest in the relationship in some form. Everyone wants love in relationships. However, love alone can’t solidify your relationship.

To live, you need more than love… and that’s effort. If only one person puts in all the effort and gets nothing in return, they’ll soon lose their motivation to continue the relationship.

Because why must anyone babysit another adult?

Currently, taking your own responsibility is tough, so nobody wants a full-grown child in the name of a relationship.

Transactional relationships make sure you both fulfill one another’s needs and desires. Partners are aware of what the other needs from them.

You feel secure because your families already discuss everything or even put it down on prenups.

In traditional relationships, people are too busy behaving like goody two shoes and ignore their needs until it’s unbearable.

2. There’s a strict equality

In transactional relationships, you aren’t selfish to protect your needs. Since you’re allowed to look out for your needs, nobody takes advantage of the other.

Both parties offer something precious in the relationship. They know their worth, so nobody accepts exploitation. If things don’t work, they know negotiation is important so that nobody loses out.

Nobody blames the other for expecting or asking too much. Both partners begin the relationship with full knowledge of the requirements.

3. The relationship is legally secure

In case the marriage doesn’t work out, transactional ones are much safer and more secure. In the prenups, you both add all terms and conditions. There are penalties if someone can’t satisfy the relationship.

It also includes the situations where you may want divorce. Divorce lawsuits are hassle-free when you have transactional relationships.

Moreover, nobody wants to get the penalties and everyone stays motivated by the pros of the agreement. All of this helps you both from getting distracted.

How you’ll split property or how much alimony might they give after a divorce and for what situations… everything will be in the prenuptial agreement.

Unlike regular relationships, you won’t have a nasty courtroom showdown.

4. It brims with honesty

In traditional relationships, how frequently can anyone state their mind? You fear the selfish label and how your partner thinks about you… so you keep quiet about your needs.

Even if you can’t take care of your partners’ extended family, you try your best. Their family might pass negative remarks about you and make it a painful experience for you.

However, you can’t say anything back because your partner loves them and hopes you’ll respect them. Though this might not be the case in all relationships, it’s frequent.

However, in transactional relationships, you begin the union with honesty. You know your value and don’t sell yourself short.

The prenup is the first step to beginning this. Down the lane, you both continue the same dynamics… since it all started with this, why not? You’re not ashamed of being honest about your needs.

5. It’s perfect when you develop feelings

If both partners satisfy one another’s needs and are exclusive to the marriage… with time there will be some feelings.

You might not feel passionate love right off the beat… but it might be companionate love. Even if you both start adoring one another as friends, it brews a unique relationship.

That doesn’t imply the transactions are off. Rather, you consider one another’s feelings and views too. It doesn’t stay unattached anymore and you get the best of both worlds.

As you guessed, transactional relationships aren’t just about gains. Let’s know what you may lose from it here…


Disadvantages of Transactional Relationships

Most romantics can’t stand the idea of receiving favors in exchange for a relationship.

Many psychologists say it’s an unhealthy relationship type because humans aren’t organizations. Apart from that, here are a few more disadvantages of transactional relationships.

1. It may become monotonous later

In transactional relationships, you have fixed roles and responsibilities. Suppose you only earn for your partner and do nothing around the house. It’s soothing to have someone do all the chores for you.

However, at some point due to the lack of variety in life… you’ll feel that life is too boring. You may not understand it’s because of the rigidly structured relationship.

You will feel bored with your life and think it’s your partner’s fault. Since you’re business-minded, you won’t notice that the relationship dynamics are at fault.

You hardly communicate with them with an open mind. You never give one another the chance to make things interesting… and assume your partner is boring.

It’s common to seek fun outside and cheat on your partner in these situations. This follows with a trail of unhappiness.

2. You guys might become too competitive

Since you guys are in the relationship for the gains… you may forget that you’re in a relationship and not doing business. You forget what makes a relationship, what’s love, affection, and only focus on getting something.

Your competitive nature makes the relationship worse. Suppose, your partner didn’t fulfill your desires. You want to pay them back and decrease your efforts.

When they notice that, they return the favor. It’s an endless spiral to wreck the relationship.

You feel jealous and resentment toward one another when you think “He enjoyed my services, so why did I not get anything in return?”

You’ll try hurting one another and creating a toxic environment. Even if you have the same goals in mind, someone changes priorities.

For instance, you invest the most in your child’s education, but your partner only spends frivolously.

3. Without flexibility, it’s bound to doom

In healthy relationships, couples make sure to overcome differences. They share burdens and make their partner believe that they love them, despite their differences. They’re flexible for the sake of love.

However, in transactional marriages, you don’t feel the need to please one another… other than exchanging agreed perks.  As a result, you both might be mean and selfish with one another.

You always stick to your points stubbornly which only worsens the situation. As you don’t find the need to nurture the relationship… it slowly worsens the arrangement.

You rigidly focus on your gains and don’t notice your partner’s mental, physical, or economic state. Suppose your partner is responsible for housework. They’re sick, but you don’t help them out.

You both may exploit one another with your prenuptial agreement.

4. The marriage becomes a load

In transactional relationships, your mind doesn’t let you think beyond gains.

If there’s no other motivation in the relationship other than money, status, or similar things, you’ll perceive the relationship as a chore.

Let’s be honest, how many of us love chores? The term “transactional” and the dynamics make it sound lifeless and uninteresting.

You forget about romance, love, commitment, or feelings… because it’s a job. You’ll feel unfulfilled, empty, and crave vigor and the rush.

This is the recipe for an unhappy relationship… one you stay back in forcibly because a divorce implies too much loss like lost status, money, living standards, or children’s security.

You continue with the relationship because you “must, or else”. Your feelings take the backseat while you let the relationship grow sour until you become co-parents or housemates.

5. It’s not good for children

In relationships including children, the transactional environment is harmful. Children need a warm and loving environment to grow up happily with security.

In transactional relationships without love and with too much conflict, you teach your children that this kind of environment is normal.

Your actions make them learn that it’s right to be tied down without love. It’s correct to tolerate others taking advantage of you. Nothing is wrong with exploiting someone else.

They’ll learn exactly what you show to them. They grow up to be cold, rude, and lonely. Even if they have money, they’ll attract the wrong crowd.

They won’t understand the essence of compromise, loyalty, faith, or sacrifice. In the future, they’ll only grow up to build another loveless marriage.

Are you in a transactional relationship? Wanna stay in it and make it work? I have got ideas here…


How can you make Transactional Relationships work?

A transactional relationship isn’t a goner if you both want to work it out. This depends more on the will of both partners. If you both mutually follow these steps, it’ll be your game changer…

1. Minimize the expectations

With lower expectations, you won’t feel disappointed when they can’t grant your wishes. You know your goals and desires from the relationship, but sometimes you gotta rank your desires.

Prioritize the relationship over the transactions. Think rationally and even though it’s “transactional”, you need not have a loveless relationship.

Every time something goes wrong, your temper blows… is that really a good idea to get what you want? Will the other person be more willing to work harder for you if you’re mean?

Don’t you think being rational and supportive will work better? If you can’t stay cool during these moments, only lowering your expectations can change that.

Set healthy boundaries like “You can’t expect them to fulfill your desires if they’re in a pinch”.

Figure out ways to improve your relationship. Perhaps you must communicate more or work on being more compassionate? Try to be a better human being. Be someone you’ll want to live with.

Focus on their needs as much as you focus on yours.

2. Relish the security

Transactional relationships protect you from many bad relationship possibilities. The prenuptial agreements have got you covered so relax. No need to be on guard, uptight, and always look out for gains.

Your gains are protected in the agreement and you’re safe… so that means you can be yourself more. The agreement didn’t say you can’t have fun, be genuine, or be more giving.

You WILL gain from this relationship, but it’s time to stop thinking about gaining only. Be more selfless and nourish one another.

Two people can’t live together for long happily… if they follow a particular formula. If you’re spontaneous, introduce that in your relationship.

Communicate more without restraints, accept your partner as a friend, and treat them like you’ll treat another friend. The prenup assures you about the basic benefits of the relationship.

It won’t hurt if you focus on making it more than a contract.

3. Smash the scoreboard

The prenup agreement defines each of your needs and desires in a relationship… without being too dependent and without emotional involvement.

You can easily pick out relationship flaws and think only about their shortcomings. However, that only makes you resentful. Counting the bad parts makes you feel worse about the relationship.

Rather notice why it happened and focus on the differences. Give them even when they fail to. Show them this isn’t about give and take. Compromise with the differences and find a middle ground.

Get rid of that mental scoreboard because you’re both on one team. Perhaps your partner had a legit reason behind this disappointment. Reach out and let them know you’re there.

4. Share responsibilities willingly

Your responsibilities aren’t just your prenup expectations. You live with this entire human, so it’s both of your duty to stand beside one another even during your losses.

You both clearly stated your gains in the agreement, but did anyone talk about sorrows and losses? Fine, but what stopped you from doing that now?

If you both get enough positive support from one another during the darker hours… you’ll work harder to make one another happy.

Your will to satisfy another’s desire depends on your mental and emotional satisfaction.

5. Stay wide awake about finances

Transactional or not, you need money to continue a relationship. Be serious about finances from day one.

Did you discuss finances in the prenups? Well, that’s actually great, however, don’t threaten them about financial matters. Sometimes, they might not pay you or shower you with enough materials.

Accept that finances are never stable. It’s their job to take care of it but it’s not always possible. Your emotional bond is far more important.

However, money is an important aspect… so be open about how much you want to invest in the household, children, leisure, and savings. Have a set goal in mind to lead a happier life

But I don’t personally recommend transactional relationships. Wondering why? Follow this trail for answers…


Reasons why you shouldn’t settle for Transactional Relationship

Relationship coaches don’t have good reviews for transactional relationships. It’s not because it’s different from the traditional or “normal” relationship structure. Something is truly off about it like these…

1. You don’t get love

Relationships revolve around the unconditional exchange of love, kindness, comfort, affection, and all other positive feelings. Transactional ones make everything conditional.

Human beings thrive on positive feelings. So, transactional relationships stunt the growth of your union.

You both only give the other as much as you get. When you measure everything you give, it loses sincerity. It feels as though it’s a programmed chore… but are you a bot?

If not, then such dynamics won’t feel good.  You won’t feel loved, cherished, or appreciated. You may feel you can do without it for now… but it’s really essential.

2. Your kids live a miserable life

Your kids will mingle with others and visit their houses. They’ll witness that their friends’ parents have different dynamics than yours.

Their first reaction will be confusion. With time, they’ll understand that something isn’t right in their family. When they understand that, they might feel ashamed of what happens in their family.

They might yearn for healthier dynamics in life. But they’re underage and can’t even construct their desires in proper sentences. By the time they grow up, they will accept your relationship.

However, they’ll feel resentful that their parents didn’t provide them with a harmonious or “normal” family.

Many children feel self-conscious about it… as though the other kids can tell something is off. They might even blame themselves for your fights. Kids grow up in chaos and it permanently scars them.

3. You lower the possibility of gaining happiness

When you bind your satisfaction in a contract, you won’t feel happy in other ways. The reason?

You’re too busy to focus on the failures. Even when you have something good in your life, the disappointments overpower your happiness.

Over time, everything in your relationship and marriage might let you down. At most, you may separate from your partner and get remarried. However, you might never notice that the relationship wasn’t faulty… the dynamics were.

If things keep repeating, you might never find a way to settle down.

Surely, marriage and settling down aren’t necessary for happiness… but you need a partner in old age. You might be too lonely to be happy.

4. You’re more susceptible to stress and anxiety

When you are always on guard to protect your demands, feel deeply disappointed with failures, can’t be happy with what you own, have kids who slowly distance themselves from you… it’s normal to develop stress and anxiety disorders.

You’re always on the edge about whether your partner will fulfill your desires. If they don’t, you try to pressure them into it. If they still can’t/won’t, you compete to make them feel as disappointed.

Such thoughts and emotions impact your mental health.

In healthy and happy relationships, you don’t worry about the dynamics, go with the flow, feel content with love, and have no expectations. These drastically minimize the risk of mental health concerns.

5. You can’t transform

Love changes you for the better and you have the scope to be a better person every day in small ways. If you don’t have love in your relationship, if the bond isn’t healthy… you can’t transform.

Think you’re plenty fine the way you are? Well, you never lose the scope to become a better person. There are endless virtues for human beings to learn, and without love, they can’t notice them.

In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel the urge to improve yourself every day. You’ll want to spread happiness in others’ lives too.

Though it’s not always possible, your zeal will slowly help you make small changes. This is called a transformational relationship.

These often last longer than transactional ones because of the endless devotion, support, and love. You find what’s truly important in life when you become selfless.

Interested in a transformational relationship? Want it but don’t know how? Well, that’s why I’m here with…


How to create transformational relationships instead of transactional relationships?

If you have a strictly transactional relationship, the idea of a transformational one might be a far-fetched dream.

However, if you both feel that this sort of relationship isn’t healthy, then it can come true. Follow these steps together to bring the change…

1. Don’t expect at all

Initially, I mentioned lowering your expectations. But to create a transformational relationship… you gotta give up on this. From deep within, let go of the hopes and expectations.

You can’t change your way of thinking in one day… it’s not humanly possible. So, take time, and every time something disappoints you, ask yourself “Why did it disappoint me? What’s stopping me from achieving my dreams myself?”

Being realistic, suppose your partner helps out with all the household chores. What will you do when they go on a vacation alone?

Learn to fend for yourself rather than depending on others. Dependence is a toxic trait and can destroy your life.

2. Depend on your genuine self

You don’t need to please one another as per your prenup agreement if you change the relationship type.

In transformational relationships, you don’t need prenups. If you feel safe without it, discuss nullifying the prenup.

The prenup made you behave like a custom doll for one another. Of course, you miserably failed to try to be someone you aren’t. It’s time to take charge of the relationship as you can.

The prenup nullification doesn’t imply you don’t have any responsibilities in the relationship. You DO… however, you won’t do it for an agreement, but because you love one another.

Deal with the relationship and nurture it the way you can naturally.

3. Build a safe space

You guys due to the transactional nature, you guys probably didn’t show much vulnerability. You thought that so long you satisfy one another in superficial ways, you don’t need anything else.

But that only makes you more uncomfortable in one another’s presence. If you’re in a serious relationship and plan to make something better from it… slowly get rid of the discomfort.

When your partner seems disturbed, reach out. Let them know you won’t judge them… that you won’t force them to share their hurts. But if they need a shoulder, you’ll always lend them yours.

Convince them that you’re their safe space. Slowly, the walls will crumble and you both will enjoy comfortable questions.

4. Spill the genuine questions

If you get rid of your prenup, you’ll obviously feel insecure. Before you do so, ask them about the things that matter to you.

The agreement consists of your honest needs. So, go over it and discuss what’s negotiable and non-negotiable.

This way you’ll know both your real desires and needs from the relationship. Perhaps, your partner is too bad at chores so they need you to do it. But maybe they’re good with mild dusting?

Discuss what’s absolutely necessary to be happy. Talking about these might feel uncomfortable but don’t skip this part.

5. Again, rub off the scoreboard!

You know how bad keeping scores and competing can be to your relationship. You don’t need to return them as many disappointments.

Though you think you’ll feel better with revenge for disappointments, it just makes you feel worse. You feel that wasn’t enough of a punishment and look for more ways to get on their nerves.

When you intentionally inconvenience them repeatedly, they think the same. You both actively try to make one another’s life hell… but you never heal, so stop!

6. Don’t be insensitive

Don’t mention your partner’s mistakes to get back at them. When something upsetting happens, fight over it, take space, recollect your thoughts, communicate to resolve the issue, and NEVER revisit them again.

Once you resolve an issue, you can’t bring it back in conversations. It happened, it was all real… but if you mention it, you didn’t really forgive them.

Without forgiveness and sensitivity, your relationship can’t progress. Perhaps, they already beat themselves up over that mistake… you don’t need to resurface the bitter memories.

You might feel extremely disappointed and devastated by their actions… but they have feelings too. Hurting them back won’t make your relationship any better.

7. Be open to risks

Transactional relationships made a faux safety of the prenups… as a result, you didn’t ever trust your partner. Was that a good experience? Probably not, otherwise why would you be here?

If you want a transformational relationship, then believe more in your instincts. If your instinct says that your partner will be there even without any contract, believe it, and jump right into it.

Don’t fear doing certain things just because they may not like it. If they’re in for a long time, then they won’t reject you.

You might fear getting hurt… fight your fears, go out of your comfort zone, and make a change.

8. Solve situations together

There will be many issues in your individual lives and relationships. Don’t try to deal with it alone because you’re in it together. Be a team and battle all the difficulties together.

If you keep mum and compromise all alone to keep a healthy life… misunderstandings will invade your relationship.

Your partner won’t know what’s wrong, and they’ll only assume you don’t believe in them. While in a relationship, solve your problems together.

This will also boost your problem-solving skills and make you a more capable person.

9. Share your responsibilities humbly

You both have many responsibilities like parents, children, chores, and professional and social life issues.

Willingly offer help to your partner for everything. For instance, if your partner does the dishes, put the dishes back. Or, if your partner cooked, offer to clean the dishes.

If your partner’s parents are sick, support them in any way possible. If your partner is too tired, put the kids to bed. Help them out, but don’t ever compare what you did for them.

Be humble and do it because you want to.

10. Communicate to understand better

Without communication, any relationship might meet its doom soon. So, don’t forget to talk whenever in doubt. It’s much better if you discuss matters when it’s still fresh.

Don’t think too deeply or assume one another’s feelings. Know how to make your partner feel better. Tell them how much you’re ready to sacrifice for them.

If you feel something negative about your relationship or partner… discuss it rather than thinking they’ll mind it.

Have more questions? Don’t fret about it because I’m always here for more. So, slide into the…


FAQs about Transactional Relationships

Whether transactional relationships are really villains… that’s a debate. Some say all relationships are transactional while some have a transactional personality.

Some aren’t sure how not being transactional is even helpful. So, come on, let’s clear the confusion here…

1. Are all relationships transactional?

Whether it’s between spouses, siblings, caregiver and child, or friends… all relationships are transactional in some way.

You always expect your loved ones to return the favor, support you during hardships, and understand and love you unconditionally.

2. How do I stop being transactional?

Lower your expectations, be as giving as you want to receive, and stop keeping scores of what each of you brings to the relationship.

Be understanding towards your partner and don’t make everything about yourself.

3. What is a Transactional Marriage?

A transactional marriage is an arranged marriage based on matching finance, social status, and offerings in the marriage. The families compare these by themselves to deem how well they match.

In transactional marriages, families don’t mind whether the couple is compatible or has chemistry between them. They possibly don’t even wait until they develop feelings for one another.

4. What is a transactional personality?

A person with a transactional personality doesn’t respond in any way to situations… unless they have anything to gain. They’ll reach out or support only if you support them back.

They’re the same in every circle of their life whether it’s personal, social, or professional. This is deeply rooted in their subconscious. However, since it isn’t an entirely negative behavior, nobody takes note of it.

You might notice this personality disorder more if they don’t react to negative situations like another person being bullied, abused, or killed.

5. What would happen if I stopped being transactional?

If you stop being transactional, you will become a better person in all aspects of life. You will attract better people in your life as they’ll appreciate your nature. You will feel happy just to connect with everyone.

Being transactional stopped you from approaching good people… those who only had great experiences and valuable thoughts to share. You’ll discover such people and they’ll pass their treasured life lessons to you.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Whether you want to stay back in a transactional relationship or move on from it… you both get to decide what you want. 

Even if transactional relationships don’t work for someone else, they might work for you… or vice versa. So, we can’t name it bad or good in general.

Moreover, a transactional relationship can exist with love. So, even if your transactional relationship fails, it’s not right to say that everyone will.

Make sure you both are happy and your children grow up in a healthy environment. Communicate with your partner if it bothers you. Share the link and communicate your thoughts on it.

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