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How to Tell Someone You Don’t Want to Date Them? In Person or On Texts

How to Tell Someone You Don’t Want to Date Them? In Person or On Texts

Updated on Sep 26, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

How to Tell Someone You Don’t Want to Date Them In Person or On Texts

Are you on a quest to find out how to tell someone you don’t wanna date them? Well, you have knocked on the right door.

First, let me tell you… It’s not your fault, it’s not necessary to love someone back.

So, if you find that you do not want to date someone, it’s always wise to call it out. I know it can be overwhelming… and that’s why I am here with some surefire ways on how you can do that.

How to tell someone you don’t want to date them?

It’s hard to break someone’s heart. Especially if you’re a kind and gentle soul. But don’t feel guilty, please. If you start feeling guilty, you’ll never be able to do it. That feeling of guilt will make you feel like you have an obligation.

So don’t make it any harder than it already is. You need to brace yourself and just be truthful and open. It will create less of a mess and will help you two move-on to find a forever partner.

So, let’s head straight to all the tips and tricks we have up our sleeves.

1. Say “thank you”

As pop queen Ariana Grande puts it, say thank you and move on to the next best thing. Always thank them for their time and effort and how much all of it meant to you. That way, they will know that you truly value them as a person, not just as a partner.

For example, you can be like, “thank you for these beautiful memories or thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule for me. However, I don’t feel the same anymore. And it’s for the best that we stay friends/part ways.”

This way, you can be kind and manage to maintain the dignity of you and your date.

2. Express how you two are in a different place

Sometimes, two people can read the same book, but they can be reading different chapters of it. So, even though you might share a few common interests, you both may still not be compatible.  

Explain how you two can be in totally different spaces in life, creating a huge gap. And how all gaps cannot have a bridge between them.

Stop stressing out about it! Be sincere and honest. It will put your message across more clearly. Be respectful while making your points about the differences clear, and you two might part happily.

3. Give them the respect that they deserve

Always remember how important it is to give people the respect they deserve, even though you don’t like them.

One of the simplest rules in life is to treat people how you want to be treated. Before saying anything, always remember to put yourself in their shoes.

Try not to mention any bad aspects of the date or anything that they might take to heart. Be simple, humble, and authentic with your emotions. Trust the positives and choose to move on with a note of laughter.

4. Come up with an excuse and say no to plot-holes

Sometimes the date is absolutely awful and beyond salvageable. And you might be finding it hard to break it to him without any issues. Well, I am here for you, so don’t worry.

The best way to break the news, in this case, is to come up with an excuse. Yes, you heard that right. When the truth is ugly enough, excuses are your savior but make sure that your story is airtight. Avoid any plot holes to save embarrassment.

Always remember that practice equals perfection. So, remember to rehearse before you perform the act for a mic drop moment.

5. Close the road to friendship

For the love of God, don’t make a friend out of your ex. And definitely not the date you didn’t vibe with. So, close that door gently.

Don’t hint at any possibility of you two staying friends. Chances are, it’s gonna end in a disaster. So, just keep it amicable. Mention that you hope they don’t have any hard feelings. But that’s where it stops.

Try to put an end to any contact unless necessary. It will just create expectations from the other side. That’s some shit you don’t want to shovel.

So, leave the past in the past if you want to move forward to your future.

6. Wait for that dramatic pause

Always wait for a second or two before you say no. See, I know how horrible the date went, but they don’t have to. You’re a nice person, and this is the best way to spare them.

Saying no almost instantly will make it obvious how dead-set against it you are. So, wait for some time. Take a dramatic pause. Act like you’ve thought over it seriously.

Saying “no” after taking a pause will seem a lot more genuine than otherwise. This way, you can both bid each other cordial goodbyes with no harsh feelings in the heart.

7. Make your speech more in the first person

Instead of being like “you” did this, or “you” did that, make it more about yourself. Take all of the blames. Because when you use a “you”, it puts the burden of rejection on the other and is more likely to cause a conflict.

When you make it centered more around the “I” as in “I couldn’t feel anything despite you being so amazing” it will not leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Put the focus on yourself. Make them the “victims”. That way, a polite farewell is easier, and there are no landmines between you two to step on.

8. Use humor as a coping mechanism

Humor allows you to breathe. As it’s said, laughter is the best medicine for all, including heartbreak.

But make sure the humor is not at the cost of them. If, after telling a joke, only you’re laughing, chances are you’ve hurt them.

Try to make yourself the subject. Laugh out loud at your quirks and silliness. Comment things like how you’re making things so awkward. It is bound to light up the room.

The goal is to not hurt them and let the other person go as gently as possible. So, keep it in mind and use your biggest weapon (I know you’re funny!) to your advantage.

9. Try not to procrastinate on it

It’s always better to rip the band-aid off instead of fiddling around it. So, stop procrastinating! The unnecessary delay will only make it harder. The guilt will catch up to you, followed by doubts.

If you’re clear about your decision, let them know as early as possible. Keep the conversation short and to the point. The more you drag it, the more hurtful it becomes.

10. Wish them well

It’s better to have a sweet ending rather than a bitter one. No matter the reason, always say thanks and wish them well. It may be a small gesture, but it goes a long way when someone is dealing with heartache.

You don’t need to go into details a lot, just wrap up quickly. Prolonged goodbye can take a turn I can’t prepare you for.

So, don’t be scared and just call it!

How to Tell Someone YouDdon’t Want to Date Them on Text?

Sometimes, you don’t want to break the news face to face. If things become a bit difficult, It might be hard to deal with the aftermath. And that’s where technology comes in.

In this day and age, it’s not necessary to do things like this in person. With the touch of a few buttons and carefully chosen words, you get away without any embarrassment.

Sometimes when you turn down a person, it can get very rough and unpredictable. So, it’s better to stay on the safe side if you’re unsure. Being on a date doesn’t come with an obligation of commitment.

So, don’t shy away from drawing boundaries… and use these texts to do that.

1. “I slept on my decision”

Mention how you took time before you reached your decision. If you say things like, “so, I thought a lot about it” or “I slept on my decision” it shows your sincerity.

It shows how you appreciate that person’s time enough to put so much thought into it.

Also, you don’t have to use very nice or flattering words in it.  Being straightforward always works out for the best. It shows your honesty and transparency and also helps not send mixed signals.

2. “We’re not on the same page”

It’s a very safe bet to take while texting. This type of text is perfect for you if you feel like you are not in the mood to write an explanation.

Just write something like, “I feel like our views towards relationships or life do not align as partners”. No need to add too many things to the text making it super specific. The right amount of vagueness is what makes it a pretty popular rejection text.

Don’t forget to add “I wish you happiness in your journey” or “all the best” at the end to leave it on sweet and kind terms.

3. “You feel more like a friend than a partner”

Yes, this is a classic break-up trick. Just friend zone the shit out of them. These kinds of texts help you maintain a cordial relationship while drawing the line in the sand.

Write something like, “I enjoyed our time together but I cannot see a romantic future” or something like “You are very comfortable to be around, but I can’t see us being anything more than friends”.

This strategy works like a charm. Also, there are times when you don’t wanna date someone but genuinely value their company. This can also be a getaway to new, meaningful friendships.

4. “I am looking for something serious in nature”

Sometimes dates can pressure you into something casual that’s not on your agenda. In this case, it always helps to be assertive to not give them room for doubt.

Be very genuine but firm. Choose words like “I know” to prove your point better. You can always write, “it was lovely hanging out with you, but I’ve some long-term goals in mind regarding relationships”.

Further, it’s always wise to cut all ties with them, or else you’ll never be able to come out of it. So, be precise, clear, and to the point to drive your intention home.

5. “I am not ready to give you what you want”

If you’re someone on the look for short-term or casual dates, it is always best to be very upfront about it. If someone is expecting something a bit more, clarify things to them as early as possible.

So, you can always send out “I don’t think I am ready to fulfill your needs right now” to test the waters and see if they wish to compromise.

Leave no room for ambiguity, as it is a recipe for disaster. One of you will end up hurt if you don’t clear things up. So, be aware of that and proceed likewise.

6. “I didn’t find any chemistry between us”

Sometimes you don’t find chemistry with your dates even if you go out to look for it with a lamp. So, let them know how much you enjoyed the company, but also make it clear that there is no romance between you two.

It might feel like a harsh blow, but they’d appreciate the honesty in the long run. It saves both of your time.

So shoot a text like, “While I appreciate your company from the bottom of my heart, I couldn’t feel any spark between us” and they’d understand (hopefully).

7. “I don’t see us going any further”

Sometimes you just have to be blunt. It’s either the quality of the date or your nature that can bring forth this bluntness. In any case, if you feel so strongly, anything else would be hypocrisy.

Be curt and straight to the point. But remember to not be disrespectful in any situation. Something like, “I value our time together, but I don’t feel like going forward with this” can make the impact you’re looking for.

8. “I am moving out”

Well, honesty is not the best policy sometimes. If you have a really obsessive date, “moving out” of their social diary is probably the best for you.

This excuse is a classic at this point and works like straight-up magic. You can frame your words like, “I will be moving out to Yemen (hi, Chandler Bing fans!) sadly, but I cherished my time with you. Thank you for that, and take care”.

This helps you escape some torturous dates very effectively. Try it out and let me know!

9. “Flattered, but not feeling it”

You can be appreciative while not feeling any connection towards that person. Be very upfront about it and sandwich the rejection between appreciation and compliments.

Write something like “while I am flattered by how much you mean to me, I feel it’s unfortunate that we are not working out”. Keep it short and to the point. No need to make a word salad out of it.

10. “I take responsibility for my heart and your hurt”

There’s nothing more beautiful than a person who takes responsibility for the hurt that you’re giving them. Be sure that you convey how much you feel for them or how sorry you feel to lose them.

Things might not always work out in a romantic manner. Doesn’t mean we tap dance our way out of someone’s heart.

So, make sure that while you take responsibility for your hurt, you also take responsibility for the other person’s hurt as well.

11. “I love how you’re so funny, but I still can’t feel anything more”

Try to remember their hobbies or passion and compliment them about it. Pick up the hobbies information on the first date even though it’s not going well.

Collect information to deploy them while rejecting the person. That way, they will feel like you genuinely listened and were interested.

For example, “I love how you’re so funny and genuine. But I didn’t feel the connection of a partner with you. But hey, at least I got to meet such an amazing human? Can’t complain”

Fake it till you make it, babe!

12. Let’s stay friends…with “benefits” 😉

Not every bad date needs to end in a friendship. It can be the rain you need to get over your dry spell.

If you both are into the casual “situationship” have fun with it. Just remember to keep your strings unattached or else it will damage both your hearts.

Have fun, because you only live once!

13. “I started dating someone else”

If the guy is too stubborn because he won’t find another like you, this is the hack. It’s the fastest way to kill someone’s interest, and it’s foolproof.

Make a villain of yourself if you can’t make someone let go of you. After all, we are just looking for ways to get rid of them.

Type up on the keypad, “I wish I told you sooner as to why I couldn’t reply much. I am in love with someone else, and I am pursuing that for now. Wishing you the best.”

Now wait to not hear from them ever again.

14. “I am not the greatest fit for you”

It’s great fun to spin the bottle once in a while. Instead of saying, “I am not ready for this or that” flip it. Be as self-deprecating as you can be. It’ll make them feel a bit better than the other methods.

Tell them, “you seem very driven and ambitious, but I don’t think I can be the best partner for you”.

This way, you politely reject them while establishing a wall in between.

15. “School/work is just killing me”

In this day and age, nobody will dare stand between someone’s education and work. Everyone is focused and dedicated to their crafts themselves. So, the understanding about school or work is impeccable.

This is a great excuse. You just have to write, “I greatly appreciate the company. But I am so swamped with work/school that I hardly get time to check messages. I hope you understand if I don’t pursue this any further”.

This works like an old-school charm and is very popular among teens and adults.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

With this powerful think-piece, you’re armed to reject an army of bad dates. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but if it does, you know where to look for it.

So, remember this article, like the Bible, to get through harsh and murky situations. This is, for sure, your best friend (besides me!) and guide during times of confusion and inner conflict.

Are you interested to know more about ‘How To Date Your Best Friend’ then click here?

Are you interested to know more about ‘Why He Chose Her Over You’ then click here?