Fights and arguments are common in any relationship. But the real tricky part is how to make up after a fight.
Every couple has its own coping mechanism. If two people are mature enough, they will talk to each other, identify the issues and work on it… and eventually forget the fight!
And then, there are those who need to be consoled for hours at-stretch to get things back to normal again.
So, no matter what the conflict is, be wise and do not let your ego get in the middle and ruin everything for you.
Other than that, here’s what else you can do…
How to Make Up After A Fight? – 30 Things To Do
Did you have a fight with your loved one recently? Are you looking for ways to fix the situation between you two? If the answer is a yes, then you are reading the perfect article for your situation. In this one, we share all the knowledge about making up after a fight – a skill that comes very handy, you know it!
So, let’s begin. Here are 40 things you can do to make up after a fight and win your partner’s heart again…
1. Write down your feelings
When you write down your thoughts and feelings, it helps you to process them better. It is a kind of meditative practice that calms your mind. It allows you to put your thoughts across in a more suitable manner so as to not trigger any further confrontations.
Alternatively, you can write whatever you are upset with for your partner. This works best for people who cannot express themselves well verbally. Your partner can keep the list for future reference too, you know!
Often when you reread these, you might find that the issues were quite petty and not worth a fight at all.
2. Avoid excuses
This is a game changer!
No matter how you choose to apologize, there are a few things that you must never, NEVER do. Do not automatically try to justify your statements or actions. Make sure you do not make excuses for your behavior. Pay attention to the word choice and make your apology heartfelt and not just apologize for the sake of it.
Excuses may make you appear reckless and irresponsible. Instead, be honest about why you are upset. Flimsy excuses will only stretch the argument/conflict longer.
3. Avoid blame shifting
Quite often, actions that follow a mistake cause more damage to the relationship than the original mistake itself. This is not just true in romantic relationships but also in other relationships.
Like we have seen in the movies – people are punished not for the original crime, but for the attempt to cover it up with lies or blame the other person for the whole thing.
Of course, you always have a choice — even when you commit a mistake – you can either admit it, learn from it and correct it or beat around the bush and later jump into a puddle.
Remember, mistakes can always be forgiven, if one has the courage to admit them. So, the best way to move ahead after a fight is to quickly accept where you went wrong or whatever your mistake was.
Once you take ownership of your mistake and take full responsibility for the consequences, you will most definitely feel better about yourself as well as earn your partner’s respect!
4. Extend a heartfelt apology
When you both have had your time to cool down, sit down with each other and extend a heartfelt apology from your side.
Being the first to apologize doesn’t mean you are weak or the only person responsible for the whole mess.
An apology means that you prioritize your relationship more than your ego. You know that your partner is hurting and don’t want this silly fight to get the better of your relationship.
5. Listen intently
Every story has two sides, but in an argument, we often turn a blind eye to the other side and are tempted to believe that we are right.
So, after a fight, if you have the patience to listen to your partner, it will help you minimize the damage.
When you make your partner feel heard and listened to, it calms them down and helps to de-escalate the situation.
If you listen to your partner intently, it will help you both solve the issue faster and get back to being love birds again.
6. Empathize with them
When you have a disagreement with your partner, sometimes it’s hard to get to a place of empathy for each other.
But if you slow things down and get out of your anger or hurt long enough to imagine what the other is feeling – you’re on your way to empathetic communication – the fastest way to fix your fight.
7. Assure that you understand your partner
After you hurt your partner, you need to let them know that you understand how your actions have affected them. Express that what they’re feeling is absolutely reasonable.
When you do this, you give the person an opportunity to express their feelings in a way that will help you two to develop a closer relationship with each other.
Another way to assure your partner after a fight is to mirror their thoughts and feelings. You may not agree to everything they say but a tiny nod every now and then, sure does the trick.
You may even repeat what they say; that will calm them in no time and help you both get back on your love boat!
8. Share your side of the story
When things have cooled down a bit between you two, talk about the fight.
If you have been upset about something or your partner has hurt you somehow, you need to let them know that (BUT, without pointing fingers). Do not start a full-blown series of accusations when you share your side of the story.
For example, don’t say “you always leave your wet towel on the bed after you shower,” – instead say “Please hang your towel on the bathroom rack. Or else it makes the bed wet.”
9. Make your partner feel important
When you say something hurtful to your partner during a fight, they may feel that you do not value their feelings and do not prioritize their well-being either.
In such a situation, let your partner know that you still love them and care about them. Tell them how much they mean to you and that a single fight cannot change the way you feel about them.
10. Do not let things pile up for a long time
The best thing to do after a fight is to not let the feelings and resentment pile up. Suppose you had a fight today, make sure to talk to each other as soon as you both are in a better mental state (once you both are calmer, of course).
If you let it drag on to the next day or the following few days, the hurt and resentment will spiral out of control and you both will feel more distant from each other.
11. Hug it out
Sometimes the best way to handle arguments is through affectionate physical contact. A sweet hug or kiss can do wonders. Always ask first in this situation and try to close your heartfelt apology with a warm hug. Buddy, take it in writing from me, hugging can solve most of your problems.
Relationship experts say hugging could be a simple, effective method of bringing people back together when they’re highly emotionally volatile (like during a fight).
I read somewhere, “Hugs are the best way to make someone feel heard” and it’s been my mantra since then… and should be for you too.
12. Give each other some space
Right after a fight, it is always a good idea to give each other some time to calm down. Always let your partner spend time by themselves for a while. This will allow them the time to process and reflect.
Further, you also need to do the same thing, as during the fight many emotions cloud your heart and mind.
You need to first let go of those negative feelings to finally initiate a healthy and mature conversation with your partner.
13. Try to find a practical solution
Once you feel a little calmer and more in control of your emotions, talk to each other to find a more practical solution to your problems.
For example, if both of you feel that either of you tends to get a little bit controlling, then you need to talk to your partner about this and tell them how you feel when they do this.
Speak to them about what can be the triggers for such behavior and then work together to fix that.
14. Get your partner a “make-up” gift
When you make an apology, it is also a good idea to gift something small, yet memorable to your partner.
Makeup gifts do not have to be expensive or complicated. You may want to cook something special for your partner, or treat them for a day, get them a spa session, or do something else that you haven’t done together for quite some time.
15. Compromise a little
Why do fights happen? Because there are some issues that you both cannot agree on, right? So, the best way can be to change your perspective and attitude towards certain things. It is important that you adjust; otherwise, no relationship will ever succeed.
Both of you should be willing to compromise to fix an ongoing conflict. But if your partner is not ready to do so at the moment – be the bigger person.
Think of it like a road trip where you both have to meet in the middle. Right now, probably you have to travel a bit farther up to your partner.
16. Find the trigger
When in a fight, your focus shouldn’t be to win it, your focus should be to identify the root cause of the issue. Otherwise how will you be able to find a fix to this?
Further, if you both have frequent fights over the same issue, you both need to speak to each other about it and find the root cause of the issue. If all efforts fail, speak to a marriage counselor or go for couples therapy sessions.
17. Make new rules
Once you get to know the real issue that leads to frequent fights between the two of you, set new ground rules to combat that.
For example, rules can be like – never to go to bed angry, try to make up with each other the same day after a fight and not get verbally abusive during an argument.
18. Cook their favorite dish
Food makes a lot of things better. So, if you have a fight and need to make things better with your dear one, there is no better way than to cook their favorite food!
Now you don’t have to be a great chef to be able to use this tip. All you have to do is Google the recipe you want to try, make sure you have its ingredients, and follow the instructions religiously.
You can also make something very simple, like hot chocolate or two-minute mug brownies. Or say for example, a quick salad or even a warm hearty soup!
All that matters is effort because, in addition to food, your partner will also appreciate the fact that you put in a lot of effort and energy to do something especially for them. Win-win!
19. Move your body
Dancing releases endorphins – the feel-good hormones. It will not only uplift your emotions but also ease the tension between the two of you.
So, what are you waiting for? Clear out some space in your living room and put on some nice romantic music, like a song special to both of you… And let the magic happen!
20. Give yourselves a fresh start
There’s a saying, “let bygones be bygones”. Remember? Take the advice and allow things to restart.
So, to celebrate the new beginning and plan a picnic with your beau. It can be to a place where you both first met or maybe a place where you both confessed your feelings for the first time or had your first kiss at.
Now isn’t that the most romantic way to make up after a fight?
21. Binge it out
A great way to get together after a fight is to bond over a TV program or movie that you guys used to watch and spend time together.
If your partner wishes to watch a different movie, you should agree this time (Don’t forget we are making up after the fight and not initiating another one).
22. Say it with flowers
When words fail, use flowers to express your feelings. Flowers can brighten up anyone’s mood, no matter how bad it is.
Collect lots of flowers from your garden and make your own bouquet, add a thoughtful yet loving touch with beautiful bows and ribbons. You can also buy one for them in case you don’t have a garden around.
23. Make-up sex
Need more be said?
Why is this a thing? Is there a link between being angry and horny? There definitely is. Hormones like testosterone, adrenaline, and cortisol (the stress hormone) all spike when we fight with someone, including our romantic partners. The relief of orgasm and pleasure increases serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin (the love hormone).
And Bam!! The fight = over. Love = restored. The end.
So, makeup sex is a great way to air out some of those pent-up feelings and feel more connected with each other.
(But do not make it a habit because it may create a pattern that fights serve as an aphrodisiac for sex later on.)
24. Write a sincere love note
A heartfelt apology letter is a great way to pacify the situation after a conflict. If you open your heart and tell them how important it is for you to look past this fight, they will also slash down their walls and walk ahead with you.
However, you need to remember it won’t happen overnight. Be patient, and I promise this tip works like magic!
25. Say the 3 magic words
Ah! The three magic words – “I love you”. There’s a reason that these are called magic words because when you say them with pure honesty, it allows you to forget all the past wounds.
Along with the magic words also make sure to tell them that you hate fighting with them. It will not only add a ripple effect to the magic words but also give them an added boost of reassurance. Any which way you see it, it is a win-win situation.
26. Go on coffee dates
If your partner loves coffee, it would be a great idea to make a nice cuppa coffee for them at home. Or even better, take them out for a refreshing coffee date to your favorite coffee shop.
Coffee is known to always lift up a bad mood. So, make sure to add coffee to your shopping list next time.
27. Do not vent out on social media
This is a rule you must abide by no matter what!
Social media is not the place to be right after a fight. It does not help at all to vent out on social media, in the heat of the moment.
You may end up posting something really bad that you may regret later. Even worse, your partner’s friends and family may read it too, and it will make things even messier. So, whenever you have a fight with your partner, make sure to stay away from social media.
28. Mirror their love language
Everyone has their own way of expressing love. Some people shower affection through acts of service, spend quality time with their partner, through physical touch, and through pretty gifts.
If you know how your partner likes to express their love and affection… right after a fight, is the best time to put them to use.
It not only allows them to calm down but also shows your effort to resolve this fight.
29. Don’t stonewall or gaslight your partner
One of the biggest no-no’s after a fight is to avoid your partner. Do not give each other the silent treatment or try to manipulate them to think they are guilty.
If they are open to communicating with you make sure you do not act like you just do not care. Even if you do not like it, give them the opportunity to express themselves in front of you.
If you give them a cold shoulder, they will feel isolated and might even begin to distance themselves from you.
30. Engage with the kids
If you have kids, this tip is for you.
Spend time with the kids, it will distract you from the negativity of the situation. Also, making-up in front of kids is a great idea too. It will also teach them that… though people fight, it is always a good idea to make up fast.
Arguments and conflicts do not mean that the relationship is over. If things get worse, it can always be fixed.
Bonus: You can use some excuse for the kids to break the wall of silent treatment! 😉 Thank me later.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Arguments and fights can either weaken your relationship or strengthen it. The impact depends solely on how you behave after a big argument with your partner.
If you take care of the way you communicate with each other, you can use this conflict as an opportunity to rebuild your relationship.
But if you don’t, it will eventually turn the relationship sour and the people in it bitter. I am sure you don’t want that!
So, how do you plan to make-up with your partner after today’s big fight?
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...