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How to Trust Someone Again After They Hurt You? 22 Actionable Tips

How to Trust Someone Again After They Hurt You? 22 Actionable Tips

Updated on Aug 29, 2023

Reviewed by Katina Tarver, MA (Mental Health and Wellness Counseling) , Life & Relationship Coach

How to Trust Someone Again After They Hurt You 22 Actionable Tips

The best answer to the question ‘How to trust someone again after they have hurt you?’ is to create a fresh perspective towards them.

Try to break from the pattern and acknowledge that not everybody will cause you harm or has evil intentions in their heart. Talk to this person and tell them how you feel and what you want to do for them. Let them know that you expect the same in return.

How to Trust Someone Again After They Hurt You? – 22 tips

To trust someone again, you must avoid living in the past and drawing comparisons with it. Otherwise, you’ll never be able to rebuild the trust. Learning to trust is difficult, and acknowledging that you are hurt is a good way to start.

Follow these tips to give your relationship a fresh, trustworthy start!

1. Work on the Relationship

To trust people who have already hurt you, it is important to first focus on the relationship and work on it. You and your partner must actively try to rebuild what’s lost. You need to evaluate everything from revisiting the relationship rules to developing a safe space to talk to each other.

Remember, in the end, the efforts you put in for each other will be the REAL deal. So, you must do the little and the big things for each other.

2. Give Some Time

Like it’s said, time heals everything. So, give yourself time to heal and then try to rebuild your trust.  Even if you choose to forgive, don’t do it immediately, or you will resent it later.

Time will help you to take a step back from the situation and think about it.

Emotions won’t drive you, and the anger will subside, allowing you to make a more viable decision.

3. Build Trust On Yourself

Yes, even though someone else hurt you, you often lose trust in yourself in this process.

You must rebuild it to replicate the same feeling to the other person. It will reassure you that you are always there for yourself, if not anyone else.

4. Do Activities Together

If you want to work on trust with the person who hurt you genuinely, then start doing activities together. 

It could be simple acts like going to the grocery together or even watching a movie. You can also indulge in each other’s hobbies. It will help you see the good side of the person and their interest areas, helping you regenerate trust.

Building some good times to move past the betrayal is very important.

5. Take the space you need

Somebody broke your trust; you can’t expect it to heal overnight. So, ask for some space and analyze the situation. 

Being alone in your own space will give you the mental clarity you need. It helps you to think and act rationally.

6. Avoid Being the Victim

If you continue playing the victim card, it will be impossible to rebuild what you lost. It will make you feel inferior and not allow you to overcome the betrayal. 

So, throw the card, get back up, and start working on it!

7. Consider the Future

Sometimes there are more than just two people involved in a relationship. You might have to forgive the person because you have kids or other dependent people. 

A good way to build back trust is to reflect on your desired future. Try to think about how their presence is vital for your future.

8. Identify clear Boundaries

Let them know that even though you choose to forgive them, you will like to maintain some boundaries

This will help you eliminate the hurt in the future and also tell them that you will not tolerate this again.

9. Seek Professional Help

To bring back trust in a relationship after they have hurt you can be extremely taxing for your heart and soil. If you are unable to do this alone, try to seek someone for professional help.

It may be a relationship coach who has knowledge and can help you with activities that have proven results.  

10. Talk to Your Friends

Best friends are like a breath of fresh air after a tough day. So, vent everything that you have been feeling and how you are unable to get out of this put – it will help them guide you.

Or you can also discuss it with someone who has been in this situation.

There is no better guide than people who have dealt with the issue themselves. They will give you actionable tips on addressing and combating the trust issue.

11. Talk one-to-one with your Partner

Often, we talk about the issue with everyone except our partner. Discuss in-depth with your partners why they did it or what is bothering you. 

Let them know how you’re dealing with broken trust. Ask them how they want to address and fight the situation. Seek assurance and allow them to speak their version.

12. Let it out!

You can’t move past this blunder without grieving or venting all your heart’s feelings. This will ensure you are finally ready to take the burden off your chest. 

Sometimes, people try to brush it off, which makes them incapable of trusting again. Don’t do that to yourself.

13. Don’t Judge Yourself

Don’t judge yourself for not recognizing the red flags. If you become extremely hard on yourself, then it will be impossible for you to regain trust. Be open-minded and address that it can happen to anybody, and you are not to be blamed.

14. Trust Your Instincts

If your instincts say that this person made a mistake and you must trust them again, go ahead. Remember, your gut says things that your mind cannot. So, never dismiss it. Instead, embrace it and take things forward with confidence.

15. Define Relationship Goals

If you have been betrayed and want to trust the person again, it is fair to decide how the relationship will be. Talk to your partner and define new goals, no-gos, and red flags in your relationship.

For example, to help you regain your trust, ask them if they are ready to give you a long-term commitment.

16. Don’t let your mind blind you

If you have been hurt by someone you loved, then it can make your thinking pattern faulty. To start trusting again, you must change your thought process. 

Try to think about why the person betrayed you and if any reason forced them to take the step. Faulty thinking patterns will overwhelm you, making it difficult to regain your broken trust.

17. Self-Care is Important

Rebuilding your broken trust can be extremely difficult unless you heal. Take out some time and devote it completely to yourself. Do things that help you stay fresh and take your mind off the betrayal. 

Your brain needs time away from the situation and indulges in activities that make you feel good. Rejuvenation through self-care is a highly effective way to trust someone again.

18. Spend Time at an Unknown Location

Take some time off, and spend some time with your partner at an unknown location. It is a common trust-building activity. 

Choose a spot where no one can help you other than each other. It will allow you to start building trust in each other again slowly. Start with small steps and then go for bigger initiatives.

19. Accept Your Past

Unless you accept the past, there is no going forward. You must come to peace with whatever has happened to regain trust in the person who betrayed you. 

Accepting the past does not mean you are okay with what happened to you. It just means that you understand something that happened in the past and want to work your way forward and regain your trust.

20. Accept Your Partner’s Vulnerability

Now that you have found our about your partner’s mistake, your partner may be extremely vulnerable. Accept it and understand that “to err is human”.

No, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. But you definitely need to be okay with the fact that they messed up.

21. Understand that Avoidance Never Helps

You will never regain your trust if you continue avoiding and running away from the situation. This is because you are too afraid to face the situation. 

So, instead, confront it. It may be extremely intimidating at first, but ultimately, it will put you out of the long, dark tunnel!

22. Don’t be Passive Aggressive

Passive aggression makes the situation worse and delays you in rebuilding your trust. If you have anything in your heart, the best way to deal with it is to communicate and express your anger. It is a healthy expression of emotion and allows you to regain trust.

Over to you…

Building trust in someone who has deceived you once is an emotionally-challenging process. But if you’ve made your choice, stay actively close to each other, no matter how tough it gets. Proximity is a key component that rebuilds trust. 

However, if you just can’t ove past the nightmare, it is better to move on and not force yourself into it.