If you want to know how long should you wait before having sex, the true answer completely depends on you.
Sex is an intimate part of life. The right time depends on several factors, and the answers vary for everyone – depending on their personality, beliefs, both partners, and relationship dynamics.
So, let’s begin the journey of finding your answer here…
How Long Should You Wait Before Having Sex? 15 Tips To Decide
Most people wait until marriage to have sex due to cultural and religious beliefs. If they go against the rules, they’re strictly reprimanded or even discriminated against.
If you also belong to such strict communities, it’s better to wait until you tie the knot. But if that’s not the situation, then here are some tips to know the answer…
1. Don’t think that waiting is bad
For starters, understand that it’s not bad to wait to have sex. Some people have sex on their first date, while others wait till marriage. So, if you genuinely want to wait, you must do that.
Don’t feel pressured just because everyone else does it immediately. Your choice doesn’t make you weird. And, of course, nobody must control when you have sex – whether it’s your friends, family, or even a religious leader.
Moreover, when you wait, it shows that you’re serious, and you also feel physically and emotionally close to your partner.
2. Never think you’re “easy” to want sex
Just because waiting has its benefits, it isn’t wrong to want to have sex quickly. Just remember that you can’t reverse having sex, so understand what you want.
Moreover, do you want to have sex on the first date or within the first month?
If yes, remember that it’s a personal choice. Don’t let people call you easy for doing it fast. Even if they say so, don’t let it get to you!
3. Understand whether you want it
Take some time to ask yourself, “Do I want to have sex?” Your heart will tell you the way to go.
If you don’t feel comfortable about the concept, you’re not ready, and you must wait.
If you want to have sex, you must ask yourself, “Am I ready for the consequences of having sex?”
Some consequences are STDs, emotional connection with a casual partner, unwanted pregnancy, and even the label of being easy.
If you’re ready for those, then go ahead.
4. Know your reasons
Ask yourself these questions:
Is it because you want to lose your virginity like your friends and siblings? – If yes, this isn’t a good enough reason.
Is it because it feels good, but you haven’t had sex in a while? – If yes, then you can have sex but only with a casual fling. Don’t get into a serious relationship and use your partner for superficial reasons.
If you want to have a steady partner and want to have sex, then you must introspect deeper.
Is sex a way to connect with them? Do you want to please them? Do you feel physically and/or emotionally attracted to them?
If you answered yes to these, that’s a good reason.
5. If you have a partner, know whether they want it
If you’re in a serious relationship, it’s not just about you. Your partner isn’t an object, they also have a say in this matter.
Know what your partner thinks about having sex. Do they want to wait for a certain period? If you don’t have their consent, you need to wait as long as they want.
6. Ask yourself whether you trust them
Is your partner open to having sex with you?
If yes, and you’re confused about how long you want to wait, think about whether you trust them.
Do you feel they’ll cherish your body and treat you nicely in bed?
Have sex only if you have great faith in them. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a serious or casual relationship, if there’s no trust, the deal is off.
7. Talk to them about it
Whether this is your first date or you guys are already engaged, you can also find your answer through clear communication.
Ask them their thoughts on sexual preference, libido, safe sex, their past partners, and even sexual health history.
You can have sex if your preferences, libido, and safe sex choices match.
However, if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, wait until you can hold the conversation comfortably.
8. Ensure that sex has the same meaning for both of you
For some, sex is only about feeling good and having fun. For others, sex is a special way to bond with their eternal partner. It has a great significance for them – a proof of commitment and love.
So, while you have the conversation, ask what it means to you both. If you both have opposing thoughts on it, either of you may regret having sex.
If your thoughts match, then you can talk and decide when you want it.
9. Think whether you feel pressured
Is your partner pressuring you by any means to have sex?
They may be straightforward and say, “I’m your boyfriend/girlfriend, and you must please me with your body.”
Or they may say something manipulative like, “My friends got married, and it was all because they had sex on the first date!”
If this is the case, you’re not ready to have sex – definitely not with this partner!
10. Consider your current and future relationship with your partner
If you’re in a casual relationship and plan to continue as casual partners, you guys can have sex once you’re both ready. There’s no need to wait.
However, if you want it to turn into something serious, wait until they reciprocate your feelings. Otherwise, you may regret it.
11. If you’re long-distance, the answer gets complicated
If you’re in a long-distance relationship and meet each other only a few times a year, the decision is harder.
In this case, if you want an emotional connection with them, it’s better to let the relationship grow. Become emotionally intimate and only then go for it.
People may say that sex will speed up the process of building an emotional connection. But that’s not true, so wait up!
On the other hand, if neither of you prioritizes emotional connection, you can have it whenever you guys feel ready and meet.
12. Think about your living arrangements
If you both live together and with other people – like roommates, children from previous relationships, or parents, that’ll also impact the wait.
Suppose the kids start crying out of the blue, your parents suddenly need your help fixing the windowpane, or your roommate wants permission to use your car.
In these situations, it’s hard to find the right mood. If you’re in similar situations, you’ll need time until you find a day away from everyone else.
13. It depends on whether you’re sober
Nobody can truly consent to sex when they’re under the influence of drugs and alcohol. So, consider whether you both are not addicts.
Next, observe whether, whenever you guys meet, either of you always gets drunk. If yes, wait until the one getting drunk learns to hold their liquor.
Does your partner always ask to have sex when they’re drunk?
Then, they ask it impulsively without any deeper meaning. Don’t let them talk you into it. Until they learn to stay sober and ask you politely, don’t go for it.
14. Check whether both of you know and respect each other’s boundaries
Have a clear conversation about the things you’re not comfortable with about sex. Notice if you both are okay with it.
If either of you tries to convince the other person to negotiate, it’s not right to have sex. You guys need to wait until you both can respect each other’s comfort level and boundaries.
15. Your instincts say it’s the right thing to do
Suppose you both want to have sex, have similar feelings about it, and everything else on this list gives you the green signal.
In that case, it’s time to look inward. Notice what your gut instinct tells you. Will you be happy if you do it? Do you feel that your current partner is the right one to do it with?
If your answer to both is yes, that’s all you need to know!
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Some people believe in having sex on the first date, some after a month, some even after a year of dating, and so on.
But honestly, there’s no hard and fast rule or a set time period. Instead, it all depends on how you both feel and whether your expectations from and after sex are the same.
So, don’t feel pressured to decide right away. If anyone hurries you, it’s better to wait longer. Be confident and make your own choices about your body!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...