If you and your partner are often in the same room but pretend to be busy with something, you’re probably dealing with escapism in relationships.
You probably have a lot of things to talk about. But you just ignore your partner and avoid spending quality time with each other to have those conversations.
So, if that rings a bell, let’s understand everything about this…
What is Escapism in Relationships?
When you avoid confronting and resolving issues in your relationship by using your hobbies and interests, that’s escapism in relationships.
It is a temporary way to forget about the bigger problems. While you don’t talk it out, the issues worsen, and your relationship weakens.
It’s normal to feel troubled about having difficult conversations. But escapism deteriorates honesty and trust in the relationship. It also makes you both emotionally distant. Your partner may feel that they aren’t important to you.
In short, it’s the worst recipe for a broken relationship. Now, if you’re wondering whether there are traits of escapism in your love life, let’s keep scrolling through…
Signs of Escapism in Relationships
Escapism can show up in your relationship in several ways. It’s not just about focusing on hobbies. So, if you’re an escapist, you’ll show these signs…
- You spend more time at work, with chores, or pursuing hobbies, so you can avoid being with your partner.
- When your partner talks about their problems, you don’t pay attention to them or don’t respond much.
- You suddenly start to be emotionally distant from your partner, and you weren’t like this before.
- You watch too much porn or take drugs and/or alcohol to avoid thinking about the major problems.
- You blame things that aren’t related to the relationship when something goes wrong. You don’t notice your own actions.
On the other hand, if your partner is being an escapist, they’ll exhibit the same behaviors.
Now, are you wondering whether escapism can hurt your love life? Let’s keep reading here…
Effects of Escapism in Relationships
Partners that exhibit escapism always say the same thing – “How bad can it be?” or “So, what if I’m avoiding this conversation? At least, we’re not at each other’s neck and coexist peacefully!”
Well, it can have major effects on your relationship. Let’s find out what happens when you ignore your problems and delay fixing them…
- You lose trust in each other, and staying together becomes hard.
- You both stop growing together. Instead, you grow apart and become two different individuals with no connection.
- The escapist partner might get addicted to substances trying to cope with the situation.
- The partner of the escapist might soothe the feelings of being ignored with substances and get addicted.
- If you both have a child, it may make them feel emotionally unsafe, provide them with the wrong examples of relationships, and impact their overall physical and mental growth.
Are you wondering whether there’s nothing good about it? Let’s know more here…
Is Escapism Always Bad?
Yes, when it comes to relationships, escapism isn’t a good thing.
However, if you feel stressed and you only take short breaks, that’s alright. If you promise yourself to talk things out right after the break, it’s not a bad thing.
But most people procrastinate, and it turns into the toxic situation of escapism.
Wondering why people become escapism? Let’s know the answers here…
What are the Causes of Escapism in Relationships?
There are several reasons why people have a tendency toward escapism in relationships. Let’s learn all of them here:
1. Avoidant attachment style
They feel stressed and struggle to be emotionally intimate. Thus, to maintain emotional distance, they use escapism as a coping mechanism.
2. Introversion or High sensitivity
They feel overwhelmed and anxious about communicating and might resort to escapism.
3. Impulsive and novelty-seeking people
They seek novelty, excitement, and variety beyond their relationship. So, they go overboard when they try to fulfill their desire and end up using escapism.
4. Depression and anxiety
People with these issues use escapism to avoid facing tough emotions, stress, and anxiety while interacting in relationships.
5. Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Individuals with BPD struggle with fear of abandonment and intense emotions. They may show escapist behavior as a coping mechanism.
6. Relationship dissatisfaction
When a person feels unfulfilled in their relationship, they may ignore their relationship issues with escapism.
Due to life stress, people often seek ways to relieve themselves from their responsibilities, and escapism is one way.
So, do you want to get rid of this habit? Then let’s know the solution here…
How to Deal with Your Own Escapism in Relationships?
If you notice signs of escapism in yourself, then you must not delay any longer. Try to change the situation before it takes the worst turn. For that, follow these steps…
1. Identify your reasons
From the above-mentioned causes, pinpoint your reason for resorting to escapism.
“Why do you avoid talking in your relationship?”
This question is challenging to answer. But once you do, you’ll be a step closer to your goal. You’ll learn to communicate better with your partner.
2. Try to be mindful
Focus on how you react in your relationship when the going gets tough. When you’re mindful, you can focus on the present and consciously choose not to ignore things. Of course, it will be hard, but you’ll know it will keep your relationship strong!
3. Learn to deal with stress
Usually, people become escapist out of stress. So, you need some great stress-busting solution instead of ignoring your partner altogether.
Moreover, when you force yourself not to follow escapist patterns, it will cause you major stress.
Some effective ways are to take time off for a few minutes and then immediately return to talk. You can also count until you calm down or exercise.
4. Communicate about your feelings
Try to tell your partner what’s going on with you. Let them know that you still care about them, but you struggle to face conflicts. Once they understand you, they’ll act more cautiously so you don’t get overwhelmed.
Open communication is important to create a safe space and reduce your tendency toward escapism.
5. Seek help
If things don’t work out or you struggle too much with escapism, seek professional guidance. They will suggest healthy coping mechanisms for the stressor or other cause behind such habits.
You’ll also get to express yourself better in a safe space. Moreover, you can take your partner along for the sessions.
For any reason, if you can’t seek a mental health expert, talk to a trustworthy person. Ask them for advice, and they may come up with something.
However, if your partner is the escapist in your relationship, let’s keep reading…
How to Deal with Your Partner’s Escapism in Relationships?
If your partner has been showing signs of escapism, it’s normal to get emotional and scream your lungs out. But that won’t solve the issue. So, here’s what you must do…
1. Remember to talk calmly
If you blame your partner for not facing conflicts or ignoring you, you will overwhelm them. They will feel stressed and think that ignoring matters is actually the right way out.
They won’t be able to understand your perspective. It’ll go around with lots of blame-shifting and ruin the moment. So, calm yourself before you talk to them.
2. Share your feelings
Without any blame, tell them how you feel when they ignore you or avoid resolving issues. Make sure you say “I feel … whenever you …” Don’t use phrases like “You make me feel…” I-sentences will set the right tone to prevent them from feeling blamed.
Make sure you discuss how escapism affects you both. Remember, you care for each other. So, show them how unhealthy it is for the relationship.
3. Ask them the reason behind escapism
When you ask the cause behind escapism, it’ll convey that this isn’t normal. You can share the probable causes mentioned here. Ask whether those click with them. If the cause is known, you can seek solutions for it together.
4. Change tactics if they’re in denial
Be honest about your feelings, but don’t use hurtful language if they’re in denial. Set healthy boundaries so that they don’t hurt you this way. Make spending time together a mandatory activity every day or every alternative day.
5. Seek a couples counselor
If you guys try, but things don’t improve, seek couples therapy. You can both learn to deal with situations better to avoid triggering their escapism. Counseling also helps if they’re in denial.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
In relationships, you’re supposed to support each other and become better together. So, if your partner is an escapist, help them grow out of it. If you’re one, seek your partner’s help to deal with it. Get past this issue together, and you’ll grow stronger than ever!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...