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What Is A Backup Boyfriend? Meaning And Signs To Detect If You’re One

What Is A Backup Boyfriend? Meaning And Signs To Detect If You’re One

Updated on Oct 25, 2023

What Is A Backup Boyfriend Meaning And Signs To Detect If You’re One

In the complex world of dating, the concept of a “backup boyfriend” has gained popularity among opportunistic women. 

These women prioritize having a man with certain standards – physical, financial, or anything else – more than emotional bonds. So, they have backups in case their primary man ditches them!

So, if you’re curious about this concept, let’s keep scrolling!

What is a backup boyfriend?

A backup boyfriend is a man who wants a long-term relationship with his significant other while she simply strings him along. 

He puts great effort into his girl. But in return, she gives him almost nothing in return. She wants him around only when it’s convenient for her. 

In simpler words, he’s not a serious or steady boyfriend, thus the name – backup boyfriend. 

Many women also have backup boyfriends, so they don’t feel lonely until they find “the one.”

Most people don’t realize that the backup boyfriend gets emotionally hurt and loses precious time in life from such bonds.

Wondering if you are someone’s backup boyfriend? Let’s keep rolling…

20 Signs you’re a backup boyfriend

If you feel that you’re only being used or emotionally drained in your relationship, then you should check for indicators about whether or not you’re the backup boyfriend. So come on, let’s see what these signs are!

1. The relationship continues on her terms

Probably, the biggest sign that you’re being kept as a backup boyfriend is when the relationship continues on your girlfriend’s terms and conditions. 

You guys can date and hang out. But everything else, like making the relationship public, boundaries, and other serious things, follows her lead and her convenience.

2. Meetings are never based on your schedule

Have you ever ditched your friends or important work to meet her? And does this keep happening often? 

If the answer is yes, then it’s a big sign that you’re a backup boyfriend. She will only agree to meet you when she’s free or bored. She won’t care about your availability.

3. She avoids being physical

No, just because she avoids physical intimacy, it doesn’t mean she’s using you as a backup. 

But if she’s physically close with tons of other guys and refuses you even a hug, it indicates a red flag. No matter what you do, she will refuse to get close to you.

4. You are hidden from her social media

Again, this is a huge sign that you’re a backup boyfriend and not a serious partner. 

She’ll be reluctant to post anything on social media related to you, even when you keep posting about her all the time. 

Some people like to keep social media and real lives private. But posting small things about each other is basic.

5. She keeps checking out others

Whenever you both go out on a date, does her attention seem elsewhere? If she keeps checking out others, even when you’re right in front of her, it’s a bad sign. 

You are her second choice. Perhaps she liked you in the beginning, but now she finds others more attractive.

6. She constantly seems distracted

Dates with your partner should feel like a lovely experience. You both should be able to share your thoughts and have romantic moments. 

However, if she’s constantly distracted or irritated, it means that she’s not really interested in the date at all. The lack of interest may be because you’re a backup!

7. She hasn’t introduced you to her social circle

When two people see each other for a while, they want to introduce their partners to their friends and family. 

Does your partner always avoid taking you to meet their social circle? 

If yes, they don’t really want their loved ones to know that they’re dating you. It shows you’re just temporary in her life!

8. She isn’t committed to the future

Despite the stage of the relationship, you should be looking forward to a happy future. However, people who date others as a backup aren’t that bothered about the future. 

If she feels that you both will break up eventually, she will exhibit signs of non-commitment toward the future.

9. She is rarely available

People usually keep the weekends free to hang out with their partners. But is your girl always busy, especially on weekends?

This also could be one of the signs that you aren’t as important to her as you had thought. 

10. She cancels plans last minute

The term “flaking” describes the act of canceling plans at the last moment without offering any explanation. 

If she keeps flaking on you and then refuses to consider another plan, it usually means that she was simply looking for excuses to avoid you. 

It can, therefore, indicate that you’re a backup.

11. You always initiate commitment

If only you initiate any kind of commitment, be it emotional or otherwise, it can get exhausting after a while. 

With time, you’ll slowly feel that she doesn’t find you important at all. Unfortunately, she might not wish to settle down with you, which is why they don’t want to commit to anything in the relationship.

12. Her social media has other guys 

Sure, it’s fine if your significant other’s social media has pictures of them with people of the opposite gender. 

It gets suspicious when she has no mention of you. But her profiles are abuzz with cozy pictures with others. 

Moreover, if she’s especially secretive about her inbox, something is wrong.

13. She doesn’t share much with you

Ideally, your partner and you should share almost everything with each other, including your deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams. And if it’s something new, you share it with each other first.

But do you get to know the smallest things about her from other people or clues on social media?

This shows you’re her second choice.

14. She takes too long to reply to your texts

If you’re a backup, she’d hardly ever initiate texts. And even if you make an effort, she won’t reply to you anytime soon. This shows that she’s probably busy with her steady man and can’t get back to you!

15. She doesn’t want you to move on

There might be times when you wish to simply snap out of this haze and move on. However, someone who keeps you only as a backup won’t let you do that. 

She’ll fear that you might never be available for her. So, she’ll try anything to keep you with her.

16. She’s never single for long

People who are afraid of commitments will often jump from one relationship to another very quickly. Unfortunately, you’re also another guy in her line of lovers. 

Perhaps she also has other backups whom she may pounce on if you’re out of the picture!

17. You have no labels in the relationship

Whenever you try to have the big talk about where your relationship is, does your partner shrug things off or say, “We don’t need any labels”? 

This can also indicate that she’s keeping you as a backup plan. Even the mere mention of the term “boyfriend” can set her on edge because she doesn’t want any serious commitment.

18. She bursts into a fit when you confront her

When you stand up to her, does she result in a burst of rage? 

She’s emotionally stunted when it’s about getting serious. But at times, she can also pretend to become upset and dramatic to get out of the conversation. 

Even if you try to calmly confront her about the unfair treatment, she will always exaggerate things.

19. You don’t know what’s happening

One major indication that someone is treating you as her backup boyfriend is when your own mind seems confused. 

Instead of feeling happy, you constantly feel that something is off. You’re afraid of people asking you about your relationship status. You yourself don’t know whatever is happening.

20. She compares you to others 

In a healthy relationship, nobody compares their partners to others. Not only is it insulting, but it also sets unhealthy standards. 

But if she isn’t interested in truly dating you, she will keep finding excuses to belittle you. She will compare you with other attractive people to make herself feel better.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

If you feel that your partner has been treating you unfairly, look for these signs. And you’re a backup in their life, it’s not too late to get out of it. 

Seek help from your loved ones or a professional counselor. Remember, just like everyone else, you also deserve a fulfilling relationship!

Are you interested to know more about ‘How To Test A Guy Before Dating Him’ then click here?