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Nonviolent Communication In Relationships – Definition, Benefits, How To Apply It, And Much More!

Nonviolent Communication In Relationships – Definition, Benefits, How To Apply It, And Much More!

Updated on Sep 20, 2023

Nonviolent Communication In Relationships - Definition, Benefits, How To Apply It, And Much More!

Nonviolent communication in relationships is very important as it develops trust and helps build a safe space. 

The best way to start nonviolent communication in a relationship is by listening to your partner’s feelings with empathy. 

If you’re still confused, read further to know its detailed meaning.

What Is The Meaning Of Nonviolent Communication In Relationships?

Nonviolent communication is a popular form of conflict resolution and relationship management technique. It was developed by Marshall Rosenberg – a clinical psychologist – in the 1960s.

This communication form has the power to completely change your relationship for the better. 

In this, you and your partner maintain a safe space and share deep feelings. You listen and comprehend these feelings with empathy and try to put yourself in the shoes of the other. 

It emphasizes not jumping to decide who is wrong or right.

Couples work to reach a middle ground and try to understand the situation that angers each other with nonviolent communication

This makes it easier to maintain the relationship’s health, and partners might start to understand each other. It also develops connection which is important for the relationship to grow.

Now, let’s move on to the finer details of this communication style…

What Are The Components of Nonviolent Communication In Relationships?

The concept of nonviolent communication in relationships holds four important components. This often decides the nature of the relationship and how your relationship will move forward. These four components are:

1. Observations

The first important component of nonviolent communication is observation. When you observe, you consider the situation’s objective and factual elements. It hinders you from making biased inferences. 

The major point is to focus on what can be observed instead of trying to assume, often leading to wrong outputs.

Not jumping to a conclusion or judgment ensures that your partner does not get defensive. Instead, they still have the opportunity to share and open up with you. 


Don’t say: ” You just never talk to me.”

Instead, say: “I notice that we haven’t been talking much after our office hours. Is there anything wrong?” 

2. Feelings

When you try to find and express your emotions, it naturally ensures that you understand yourself better and connect with your partner. 

This directly influences your partner to understand your experience and needs.

It usually includes understanding how you feel about your partner’s words. The tip is to never attribute your feelings to your partner. Rather, try to take up ownership of the relationship by yourself.


Don’t say: “You ruin my mood whenever you forget my birthday.”

Instead, say: “I feel neglected when you don’t remember my birthday. I was hoping you’d remember this time.”

3. Needs

The next important component for nonviolent communication is needs. When you introspect or simply reflect on yourself, you will be able to understand what your needs are and how much it inspires you. 

After you recognize the needs, you must learn to express them without criticizing or blaming your partner. If you fail to do so, you’ll appear more demanding, and your partner might avoid you.


Don’t say: “You always play with your buddies and never have time for me.”

Instead, say: “I need more time and attention from you. I want to feel prioritized in this relationship.”

4. Requests

For this, you must try to make clear and specific requests to your partner so they can be guided toward your needs. Always try to direct the requests around your needs instead of being negative and complaining. 

If your partner thinks it is not a request but a demand, it can completely change the direction of your relationship.


Don’t say: “You never listen when I’m talking.”

Instead, say: “Will you please put down all gadgets when we talk? I’d appreciate it if you could focus on me for a few minutes.”

Now, if you’re wondering how these slight changes in words can help your relationship, let’s keep reading!

What Are The Advantages of Nonviolent Communication In Relationships?

Nonviolent communication can help your relationship a lot in resolving problems, having your needs met, expressing yourself better, and so on. You will see quite a difference if you can apply it correctly. But let’s have a look at the major benefits!

1. High Self-Awareness

You will be aware of yourself when you practice nonviolent communication more regularly and correctly. 

You’ll have a good idea about your emotions and needs and how you can satisfy those without being negative. Thus, it’ll make you more satisfied in your relationship.

2. More Honesty and Intimacy

Nonviolent communication is not extremely dominating or assertive. Instead, it is grounded and allows you to convey your honest thoughts. You can, thus, build a more intimate connection with your partner.

3. Less Conflict 

The ultimate want in any relationship is to reduce the conflict levels and make it smoother. 

Usually, aggressive communication leads to conflicts in a relationship

On the other hand, the nonviolent approach ensures that you don’t threaten your partner with your words. So you can maintain the balance and boundaries of the relationship. 

4. More Empathy and Compassion 

In a relationship, it is extremely important to build on the ideals of empathy and compassion. When you don’t violently react to your partner, you understand the situation from their perspective.

So, if that got you hooked and you wanna embrace this, let’s dive right into it!

How Can You Apply Nonviolent Communication In Relationships?

If you’re unsure how to apply nonviolent communication, don’t worry. Here are some extremely effective tips for applying the principles in your relationship.

1. Be an Active Listener

Learn to actively listen to your partner without interrupting or judging them. Most people judge and interfere even before the other person finishes. Thus hampering the relationship more. 

Nonviolent communication requires you to give your partner that safe space where they can communicate their feelings. 

2. Take A Bit of Time Before You Reply

Sometimes, people don’t have clarity about how they phrase their sentences. So, they say hurtful things which they don’t mean. 

During such moments, it’s best to pause before you reply. This will ensure that you do not say anything atrocious and take time to frame your thoughts before blurting out. 

You can restructure your emotions and reply humbly and not hurt your partner’s feelings. If you feel pressure to answer, ask for time from your partner in a non-threatening tone.

3. Don’t Judge Or Blame

If you want to inculcate nonviolent communication in your relationship, it is important not to blame or judge your partner. 

Don’t use “you” statements like “You do not give me time” or “You do not understand me at all.” 

Focus on “I”-sentences like “I think we need more time to spend together.” 

It will make your partner less defensive, and you can initiate a more convenient conversation without blaming each other.

Are you having trouble following these tips? Then you need to cultivate the change from deep within! So, let’s start here…

How To Cultivate Nonviolent Communication Skills In Relationships?

Each human being has a different personality. So you can’t just grab a tip and incorporate it naturally into yourself. That’s why you must focus on these goals first!

1. Be Compassionate

Unless your partner feels that you are compassionate and ready to understand them, they will not open up to you at all. 

And to build compassion, understand before speaking out any particular word. One needs to think and react nonviolently to build the ideals of compassion.

2. Show Empathy 

You need to be empathetic to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand their feelings or what made them take a certain stance. The best way to practice empathy is to place yourself in the other person’s circumstances and then try to understand. 

3. Decide the Solution Together

Instead of taking the burden of the relationship on yourself completely, you and your partner can find the solution together. 

It is a great way to make your partner feel that their opinion matters to you. Moreover, when you do something together, you strengthen the relationship more. 

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Remember, nonverbal communication is a mutual practice. Both partners must be on the same page and understand that there is no winner or loser in this. Think of yourself as a team to make things work! 

So embrace this wonderful practice to be constructive and insightful and develop a happier and more satisfying relationship!