Are you struggling to understand how to respond to an ex who hurt you?
After the breakup, you undoubtedly felt a profound sense of pain. But now, your ex is again trying to reach out to you – whether via text, call, or even in person!
Perhaps you want to hurt them or take slight revenge. Or you might be missing them and wondering how you can pull your ex back into your life!
Well, before you hastily respond, take a moment to pause and look at these valuable insights.
How To Respond To An Ex Who Hurt You? 20 Tips
The words or message of this ex that hurt you brings up a lot of memories that you’ve been trying to push aside. They cause emotional upheaval and even anger. You’re even on the verge of losing your calm!
If that sounds familiar, it’s vital to stay composed and choose the appropriate course of action when replying, even if it’s awkward.
Stay tuned for some tips!
1. Don’t Respond In Haste
Avoid emotionally charged reactions at all costs when you receive an unexpected message or call from your ex.
You can regret the tone you use if you respond quickly and without giving it much thought. Rather, pause to calm yourself, take a deep breath, and gather your thoughts before answering.
You don’t want them to believe you’ve been waiting impatiently for their message. So delay your response.
2. Consider Your Response Thoughtfully
Your first impulse might be to reply harshly, particularly if you still feel anything for your ex. But it’s important to choose your words carefully.
Consider your answer carefully before deciding whether or not to rejoin. Ask nicely to speak with them later if you need extra time to ponder before answering their call.
3. Actively Listen To Your Ex
Ignoring your ex’s calls or texts might not be the best course of action. Giving the silent treatment can harm you as they’ll keep bothering you. They’ll make it more difficult to form healthy ones in the future.
Before determining what to do next, try to listen to them out if you value the connection and are willing to work on it.
4. Do Not Retaliate
It’s important to react with maturity and respect, even if you still feel bad about your ex. Avoid getting into a heated argument or saying something harsh.
Rather, calmly convey your emotions while recognizing the issues and your choice to end it.
Say something like, ‘I respect the decision you made to end it. I’m not bitter, but I can’t participate anymore. I hope you can respect my choice.’
5. Understand Their Intentions
Consider finding out what are your ex’s objectives before responding.
Know what they want – forgiveness or reconciliation – to determine whether they are sincere and whether you two can resume your relationship.
6. Keep Your Response Concise
Make sure your answer is short and direct. You will come across as broken if you linger on the subject longer than is required.
It will appear as though you have been waiting for this chance to give them your whole being. Furthermore, it’s clear from this that you still feel something for them and would like to reunite.
7. If Not Ready, Consider No Response
It’s advisable to think about not replying to your ex in some circumstances.
This is especially true if you still have strong feelings for them or if you’re not emotionally ready to have a potentially disastrous talk.
When it comes to protecting yourself against harm, silence is the best course of action. But if your ex starts apologizing, this could be a good moment to reply when you’re ready.
8. Be Honest About Your Feelings
Be open and truthful about your feelings when speaking with your former partner.
It might be difficult to keep your emotions within. Therefore, it’s important to learn efficient techniques for communicating and expressing your sentiments.
If you feel uncomfortable voicing your thoughts over calls around friends or family, opt to SMS them.
9. Consider A Face-To-Face Meeting
Talking to your ex in person might sometimes be the best approach if they text you. This way, you can read their facial expressions and determine how sincere their statements are.
It also helps prevent misunderstandings that may occur from text-based correspondence.
Engage in thoughtful conversation during these gatherings and refrain from making claims that might incite conflict.
10. Resolve Past Issues Before Rekindling
If your ex reaches out to reconcile, it’s crucial to address the problems that caused the separation first. Repair previous wrongs, communicate effectively, and re-establish trust.
Relationship specialists claim that constructive disagreements may be a useful tool for communicating and problem-solving in relationships.
11. Avoid The Blame Game
Avoid placing blame on one another while interacting with your ex following a split.
Instead, urge your ex to consider what they did and determine if they should apologize. Even if they don’t apologize, refrain from blaming them, admit their nature, and try to move on.
12. Avoid Making Any Assumptions
If you still harbor romantic sentiments for them, a long text from them may rekindle your hope. So, avoid jumping to conclusions, and don’t take your ex’s messages as proof that they want you back.
Don’t get your hopes up; they could just be checking up on you.
13. Remember, You Have The Deciding Power
You should be the one to make the final decision on whether you want to respond to them and how. Make sure your decision is in line with your core beliefs. Be truthful to what you truly want to say.
If you feel you have a better answer than these or the ones your friends suggest, go along with that.
14. Seek Therapy To Figure Out Your Feelings
If your ex reaching out confuses you to the point it hurts or it becomes too much to handle, get help from a therapist.
Especially if you’re not sure what their objectives are, you may need some guidance on how to respond to their relentless attempts. An expert might make things clearer to you.
15. Limit Interactions On Social Media
Your former partner may easily reach you on social media, particularly if you’ve deleted their phone number.
You may answer them once if they reach out. But if they frequently reach out, unfollow them and ban them from your account.
You would then have time to consider your next course of action – i.e., whether you want to stay in contact at all.
16. Take Responsibility For Your Actions
It’s crucial to accept responsibility for your own mistakes, particularly if you’re partly responsible for the breakup that led them to hurt you.
Recognize your mistakes and express regret. Instead of blaming, foster greater understanding with your former partner.
Saying something like, ‘I realize I’ve also made mistakes in the past,’ might be a good way to convey your regret.
17. Quickly Respond And Chase Personal Growth
A traumatic breakup, in particular, may act as a stimulus for growth on the inside.
So, don’t spend time thinking about and feeling sorry for yourself because of them. Instead, reply shortly and focus your energies on things that will make you feel better and help you grow.
This might include picking up new interests, reading self-help books, or making new goals for your career and personal life.
Personal development will remind you that the suffering is fleeting. And the resilience and insight it imparts can have a significant impact on your future.
18. Establish Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with an ex-partner who has hurt you and re-entered your life.
Communication should be clear, regardless of your preference for no interaction at all or a platonic connection.
To prevent the reopening of old wounds, your limits should be in line with your own comfort zone. They act as a subdued reminder of your development and advancement.
19. Post A Glow Up Picture
If they reach out over social media, sometimes, you can just respond by posting a glow-up picture. Exercise, wear suitable clothes, or practice skincare to give yourself the perfect look.
This will show how happy and confident you are without them… even by not expending words!
20. Respect Your Individuality
Before you respond, take a deep dive into discovering your identity. Remember who you were before the entire relationship.
Were you someone free-spirited with lots of hobbies? Did you go on trips alone?
If you were a better person before this relationship, remember that and channel the old you.
Once that’s done, respond… you’ll be oozing with so much confidence and vigor. You’ll ex will know better than to play games with you then!
Now, if you want to know a few phrases to respond to, keep scrolling down…
5 Examples Of What You Should Respond To Your Ex Who Hurt You
Now that you have an idea about how you should respond to your ex who has hurt you, it is time to go through some clever responses that just serve the purpose.
Take a look.
1. “Now that I look back, you were just a bump on the road to my better life.”
This will show how insignificant they are in your life. It’ll also discourage them from texting further!
2. “The time with you just proved to be a learning experience.”
As time goes on, it may become clear that previous relationships served just as stepping stones to greater contentment, learning, and satisfaction.
This shows that you’re the better one who took the relationship as a lesson and moved on like a boss!
3. “It was just a bad phase with you, not a bad life.”
It’s another response that shows lessons are something that life constantly provides, and not all of them are good ones.
You also get to tell that, during that phase, everything else was actually fun other than your ex!
4. “I thought I wasted my time, but it looks like I became rich in experience.”
You might regret it, particularly if you feel like you’ve wasted squandered time.
Yet, reframing the narrative and regarding past mistakes as valuable learning experiences can be incredibly liberating.
5. “The red flags led me to a brighter future.”
With this, you call them out as an entire red flag. You don’t even have to say anything majorly bad. This can make them burn in rage but not have enough comeback because you didn’t insult them a lot.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Bad breakups are inevitably troubling. So, it’s important you use emotional intelligence to cleverly react and respond and come out unscathed from the situation!
Thus, use the techniques in this article to effectively respond to an ex that hurt you. Lastly, remember that this shouldn’t be a game of retaliation or blackmail.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...