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How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling? – 20 Must-Follow Steps To Change For The Better

How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling? – 20 Must-Follow Steps To Change For The Better

Updated on Nov 28, 2023

How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling

So you’re curious how to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling them.

You never thought you’d hurt your partner in your wildest dreams. But now that you’ve crossed the limit, you’re too scared to confess your deed. 

However, you want to give your relationship another chance – without letting your partner know. And to take any step for the better, you must let go of the past sins. 

To do that effectively, let’s dive right into it!

How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling? – 20 Steps

Before you embark on this journey, understand why you want to hide this from your partner.

If you’re just scared of the consequences, this is not the right path. It may hurt your partner even more and ruin the relationship!

If you feel your partner won’t be able to stand the news and you’re doing it for their welfare, that’s a different story. 

Only in that case, you can improve your relationship by forgiving yourself with the following steps…

1. Acknowledge your mistake

The burden of guilt and remorse can be emotionally and mentally taxing. So, the first step toward alleviating these negative feelings is to acknowledge your mistake. 

Don’t blame your partner, your mental state, or even alcohol for your actions. After all, you’ve done it, so you’re completely responsible for it. 

2. Allow time to reflect

Alone time allows you to think without distractions, gaining clarity about your actions, motivations, and consequences. 

Find a place where you can be alone, free from distractions. It may be your friend’s or parent’s home. 

Understand how it hurts your partner and your relationship. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and actually know how wrong you were.

3. Try to find out what triggers you

Examine external factors that might have contributed to the situation, such as relationship problems, stress, or personal insecurities. 

Raise questions like:

  • Why are you falling for another person so badly?
  • Do you feel loved in your present relationship? 
  • Or are you trying to take revenge on your partner? 

This self-awareness is essential for personal growth and preventing similar behavior in the future.

It can help you accept your own imperfections and vulnerabilities, making self-forgiveness easier.  

4. Share with someone

Talk to trusted friends or family members about your actions. They can offer an objective perspective on your situation, helping you see things from different angles.

Share your thoughts, feelings, and actions honestly. It’s important to be transparent about your experience. Let the person express their thoughts and feelings.

This will motivate you to take positive steps to forgive yourself and do better. 

5. Appreciate your partner’s quality 

Express gratitude for your partner to remember their value in your life. This can help you appreciate what you might have taken for granted. 

Focus on the positive aspects. Show your commitment to personal growth and rebuilding trust in the relationship through your actions, not just words.  

6. Remember, humans aren’t perfect

Understand that perfection is an unrealistic standard. Everyone makes mistakes at some point in their lives. 

Consider how your actions align with your core values, and recognize that even when you fall short, you have the capacity to learn and grow. 

Yes, it’s a big deal, but you’re human too. You can make mistakes. Don’t be harsh on you. 

7. Look how far you have improved  

Think about the personal growth you’ve experienced over time, unrelated to your mistake. Appreciate your achievements and changes. 

Remind yourself how strongly you’ve handled past incidents in your life. Tell yourself you’re capable of bringing change.

It instills a positive outlook, emphasizing that you have the capacity to change and make better choices in the future.  

8. Remind yourself that you’re not all that bad 

Cheating is a mistake, but it doesn’t define your entire character. Recognize that you have both positive and negative aspects. 

Whenever negative thoughts or self-doubt arise, consciously challenge them with positive affirmations about your worth. 

You can learn, grow, and make amends. Maintain a healthier self-image and encourage self-forgiveness. 

9. Embrace the guilt, but don’t continuously feel guilty

Guilt shows that you recognize your actions were wrong, which is the first step toward taking responsibility and making amends. 

Don’t suppress or ignore your guilt for short-term mental peace. Instead, acknowledge it as a natural response to wrongdoing.

For many people, cheating is not a bad thing. Just because they’re not happy in a relationship and can’t break it, they also bond with other people. 

But your guilt shows you’re not like them. You want to improve things, and you can because you have a conscience. 

10. Disconnect with the third person

If you stay connected with the person you cheated with, it can lead to further temptation. It may lead to infidelity and damage your relationship even more.

If possible, honestly and respectfully communicate with them. Explain that you are committed to your current relationship and that continuing contact is inappropriate. 

If the other person is a part of your social circle or workplace, try to minimize contact. Invest time and effort into rebuilding and strengthening your current relationship. 

11. Set goals for the future 

Define the person you want to become and the type of relationship you want to have. Set specific goals for personal growth and improvement.

While looking ahead, don’t ignore the lessons from your past actions. Use them as a foundation for making better choices moving forward. 

Develop a strategy for avoiding the same mistakes in the future. This might involve improving communication or addressing insecurities. 

Focus on the future to shift your attention away from dwelling on past mistakes and guilt. 

12. Be prepared to put in efforts 

To regain the lost trust, put a lot of effort into your relationship. Let them know how much you love them. Tell them where you go and whom you meet. 

Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell them the truth. Just pretend they know the truth. This will help you avoid being distracted. You’ll have less chance of going on the same path. 

Ignite the romance in your relationship. Talk to your partner and discuss your desires. Understand their thoughts as well and try to make a fulfilling bond. 

13. Take inspiration from role models

Think about people you admire and respect for their moral values and character. It can be anyone: your friend, family member, or celebrity. 

Notice how they handled trouble or make amends for their mistakes. Pay attention to how they navigated challenges and setbacks. 

Consider how the lessons learned from your role models can be applied to your situation. 

How would they handle a similar challenge or mistake? 

Remember, if they can do it, you can also do it. 

14. Avoid the notion that “once a cheater, always a cheater.”

This notion “once a cheater, always a cheater” hinders self-forgiveness, making you feel stuck in a negative identity. 

Throw out thoughts that demotivate you and stop to make improvements. This kind of thought can lead to future cheating. 

Some people think if they’re already categorized as a cheater, why not do it again? But remember, you’re here to make changes.

It is essential to believe that you can change and grow to forgive yourself.  

15. Consult therapist 

Therapists offer an objective and non-judgmental perspective. They create a safe space to discuss your feelings, actions, and motivations without fear of criticism. 

Your therapist may offer strategies, exercises, or homework to help you work through your guilt and develop self-forgiveness. Be committed to following through with these recommendations.

Consistent therapy sessions are essential for progress, so attend regularly to make the most of the process.

16. Avoid punishing yourself 

Self-punishment can keep you in a cycle of guilt and shame, making it difficult to move toward self-forgiveness. 

Be aware of self-punishing thoughts and behaviors. Acknowledge when you are being overly critical of yourself. 

Understand that forgiving yourself is a process and doesn’t require self-punishment. It’s about accepting your past actions, learning from them, and working to improve. 

17. Try journaling 

Journaling is a therapeutic and empowering tool on your journey toward self-forgiveness. It can help you reflect on the underlying reasons for your actions, helping you gain insight into your motivations and triggers. 

This brings clarity to your feelings and helps you see your situation objectively, which aids in forgiveness. 

Describe your emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Be honest and open with yourself. 

18. Stop yourself from making excuses 

When you make excuses, you deflect responsibility for your actions. Take accountability and face the reality of your behavior without justifying or rationalizing it. 

Resist the temptation to blame others or external factors for your actions. Take full responsibility for your choices.

If you catch yourself making excuses, consciously challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if these excuses are valid or a way to avoid responsibility. 

19. Accept it if your partner is suspicious

You plan not to tell your partner about the cheating. However, your partner may grow suspicious eventually. 

In that case, make sure you don’t lie. If you want to bring a change, you need to accept the reality. 

Don’t act oblivious to your actions and make your partner feel stupid. 

20. Prepare to face the consequences

Once your partner knows the truth, they will react. They may cry, get angry, curse at you, want a break, or even ask for a breakup

While you can definitely beg for a second chance, don’t try to blame them for acting that way. 

If you got cheated on, you’d act the same. So, be understanding and don’t downplay their feelings.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Remember, self-forgiveness after cheating is not a way to escape responsibility.

Rather, it’s all about taking the burden of your guilt and shame for actions that can’t be pardoned. 

So, make sure you actually reflect and change your ways. Don’t give into serial cheating just because your partner doesn’t know about it. 

Ultimately, be true to yourself to make your relationship work!

Are you interested to know more about ‘Why Do Couples Stay Together After An Affair’ then click here?