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How To Cope With Being Unlovable? 20 Effective Ways To Change The Way You Look At Yourself

How To Cope With Being Unlovable? 20 Effective Ways To Change The Way You Look At Yourself

Updated on Oct 25, 2023

How To Cope With Being Unlovable 20 Effective Ways To Change The Way You Look At Yourself

Are you looking for how to cope with being unlovable? Do you ever feel like no one loves you, and even worse, no one will notice if you are gone one day?

Everyone has moments when they doubt their self-worth. They wonder if they’re destined to be the lone wolf forever. They even think they’re carrying around an invisible ‘unlovable’ sign on their foreheads.

If you’re tired of this and want to treat yourself better, dive right in.

How To Cope With Being Unlovable? 20 Ways

When you cannot look at yourself in a positive light, it can be hard to think you’re worthy. You may even feel it’s impossible to overcome this issue. However, have faith because you can overcome it, 

For that, follow this roadmap to self-discovery and self-love. 

1. Identify Why You Feel Unlovable

What makes you feel unlovable in your own eyes? Think hard to find the justifications.

Sometimes, such feelings come from thinking that your previous actions define who you are. You worry and fear others’ rejections if they know about your past.

Furthermore, if you’ve been in abusive relationships, it can make you feel unworthy of love.

2. Embrace Your Perfect Imperfections

Understand that regardless of how you view yourself, you still deserve love like everyone else. 

You don’t need to be flawless to be lovable. You only need to have someone accept you for who you are, along with your flaws. Further, you need someone who sticks by you through hard times.

3. Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

Ask yourself these questions whenever you feel unlovable:

‘What proof is there that I am not lovable right now?’

‘Am I making any possibly wrong assumptions?’

While you figure out the answers, you’ll develop good, self-improving beliefs. They’ll support your personal development as you get a more realistic viewpoint.

4. Learn To Love And Accept Yourself

When you feel unlovable, you make self-acceptance and self-love a difficult process. But that’s important to cope with such feelings. 

So, try to let go of your guilt about the past, accept yourself, and move on. Understanding yourself, your beliefs, strengths, shortcomings, eccentricities, and feelings.

Recognize your unique strengths and flaws to promote self-acceptance. 

5. Differentiate Feelings From Facts 

Emotions are only your body’s way of responding to the world. Even though you feel scared or hurt, such feelings don’t make you who you are. 

And being unlovable is just an emotion. It might not accurately represent who you are. 

So, tell apart between your sentiments and reality. Don’t build your sense of value on transient emotions.

6. Show Gratitude To Those Who Love You Unconditionally

Don’t fixate yourself on shortcomings. Instead, express gratitude to people who genuinely care about you.

Whether it’s your parents, guardians, or friends who love you unconditionally, treasure them. Don’t take these people for granted. 

7. Handle Comparisons Wisely

You may intensify the feelings of being unlovable, especially if you compare yourself to others. However, your lovability doesn’t depend on others. 

So, stop comparing yourself to others. Even if others compare you, don’t pay them heed.

8. Surround Yourself With Those Who Love You 

Cut contact with people that make you feel unlovable. Surround yourself with those who adore you. Spend meaningful time with them. Don’t push them away or ignore them.

Your subconscious may start to believe more strongly that ‘I am lovable’ as a result of this. 

9. Focus On Self-Development

Often, people who feel unlovable try to make up by being a people-pleaser. This way, they hope that someone will see their value and love them. 

Genuine love, however, cannot be acquired with a bribe. It is an innate state that develops via loving deeds.

Therefore, give up trying to win others over and focus on the things that truly matter to you. Those who are supposed to cherish you will do so effortlessly if you live a real life.

10. Share Love Freely

Try showing people love instead of obsessing over your unlovability. See how it might make you feel better. 

However, it’s a risky endeavor if you give it to undeserving people. So, choose whom to share love wisely.

11. Embrace A Mindset Of Appreciation

Recognize the positive aspects of life. Embrace all your flaws and insecurities and appreciate all the good things life has given you. Be thankful for being born, for being able to enjoy nature, for being alive.

This increases your sense of gratitude for being alive.

12. Break Free From The Shackles of Expectation

One reason people feel unlovable is when they expect love for deeds. 

So, you can cope with your issue by letting go of these kinds of expectations. Offer without expecting anything in return. 

This mentality change enables you to continue contributing even when it seems to be in vain.

13. Let Go Of Harmful Behaviors

If you find delight in seeing other people suffer, this triggers feelings of being unlovable. Such inclinations frequently stem from jealousy, pride, and narcissism. 

When you wish harm on others, but your own life becomes troubled, that’s the most hopeless feeling. It makes you suffer in silence.

So, stop inflicting harm on others, and it’ll elevate your self-esteem and get rid of such feelings.

14. Understand That Your Innate Traits Don’t Define You

Your undesirable habits or physical flaws don’t define whether you’re lovable. Everyone has some icky habit or issues with their looks.

So, they are merely a small component of your complex personality. Inborn traits must be accepted. So, accept your lovely, flawed self because you are deserving of love.

15. Seek Genuine Love

In relationships, if your partner doesn’t reciprocate love, you might feel unlovable. If this is the cause of your feelings of being unlovable, deal with it in the right way. 

Ask your partner to instill open communication, selflessness, adherence to boundaries, and non-manipulative behavior to make the relationship work. 

If it doesn’t help, begin your quest for a nice partner all over!

16. Rediscover Past Acts Of Love

Humans often focus on negative experiences over positive ones, leading to feelings of being unlovable.

To counter this negativity bias, reflect on memories of being loved. Find evidence that you are indeed loveable.

Ask yourself who has made you feel special, what your parents did to show their love, and recall small gestures that displayed affection. Remember the last time you felt valued to reaffirm that you are loved.

17. Nurture Your Inner Child

Your attitudes about love and merit are shaped by your experiences as a youngster.

Back then, you learned what it meant to be loved by your caretakers’ attention and love. So, your inner child feels unlovable because of abuse or neglect.

Care for yourself with love to overcome the effects of the past. Treat your inner child with kindness and care.

18. Conquer Self-Pity

Self-pity may result from past events like not having devoted caretakers, abuse, or having low self-esteem.

It’s common to feel sorry for yourself occasionally. But continuous self-pity won’t help.

Recognize the causes of your self-pity, mourn your losses, and overcome them to rediscover your sense of being lovable.

19. Understand Your Victimizers

If anyone has wronged you, recognize that their behavior is not a critique of your lovability. Rather, it’s a representation of their suffering.

Develop empathy for your victimizer. And don’t let them affect you.

20. Volunteer for Self-Validation

Serve others and enhance your mental health and sense of self-worth by volunteering.

Through volunteering, you can create new connections that not only show that you are lovable but also shed light on any earlier self-doubts.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Feeling unlovable is quite a natural phenomenon, especially in today’s world when the world tells you to hide your real self.

In the era of social media and picture-perfect lives, it is only normal that you are unable to embrace your flaws. 

However, you need to remember that real and real life is completely different. Hence, be kind to yourself and seek therapy if necessary.

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