The answer to how to connect with emotionally unavailable men is not so simple – neither is it to climb the highly-built fences around his heart.
If you’re tired of receiving half-baked gestures while you’re investing your entire being in this relationship, you’re at the right place.
An emotionally unavailable person may definitely be difficult to deal with, but he is not a monster. If you understand where he is coming from, and combine it with some actionable tips, you’ll be able to knock down their walls.
So, without any further ado, let’s get right into it!
1. Be extremely patient
It can get extremely exhausting to keep pouring into a vessel while you don’t get a drop in return. But don’t give up, patience is the key to men who are emotionally unavailable.
They need a lot more time to share their feelings and bare open their heart.
He will keep his feelings guarded under several layers unless you provide him with a safe space for communication. Try to be their comfort zone and watch how it turns them into an innocent baby!
2. Give them ample space to initiate action
You can also subtly imply that you have a life ahead of them. This will lead to emotional curiosity and allow them to connect deeper with you.
Emotionally unavailable men need space to miss you and appreciate your presence in their life. Don’t say it out loud but make sure they know that you have more things to do and people to tend to.
Communicate your feelings and needs, and take a step back. If you keep pestering them, it will suffocate them and push their walls even higher.
3. Appreciate their gestures
Even small actions like sharing about their day can be difficult for them. But, if they are making an effort, don’t let it go unnoticed. This will act as positive reinforcement and encourage them to take more initiative independently.
Infact, also try to reciprocate these gestures at every chance you get, and while you’re at it, educate him about why it is not harmful to be vulnerable.
4. Tell them that you trust them
These men often shut themselves down due to past trauma or disturbing incidents. So, if you confront them about it and put them in an exposed spot, they’ll never open up.
So, instead, tell them that you trust them out and about. When you do this, he will finally find the courage to show the same to you.
5. Ask him to define goals
Instead of defining the goals and the nature of the relationship by yourself, it is better to ask them to define it. This will give you a peak into their mind and also tell you how much they are ready to invest emotionally.
6. Don’t label the relationship, not yet!
If you are dating an emotionally unavailable man, they might not be ready to commit or give a name to the relationship so soon. This may be because of some past baggage, but you can’t force him out of it.
So, even though you want to say it to the world, he doesn’t. Resist the urge to label your relationship, or it will send him back into the cocoon he was in.
7. Express what you feel
Emotionally unavailable men may not reciprocate enough, but they can understand them well.
You can share your feelings about the relationship and also talk about the positive impact they have on your life. This will tell them that their presence is valued and that you look forward to a life with them.
If you let him in, he will also eventually let his guards down.
8. Understand that physical intimacy is important
Physical intimacy is extremely important as it allows your partner to open up to you. Sometimes, touch can do what words cannot.
However, this does not mean only sexual intimacy. Just stay close to him, hold his hands while walking, or scuff his hair occasionally.
He may not show it, but it certainly fills his heart with joy.
9. Constant fighting is a big NO
If you are constantly fighting with your partner, it will make the situation worse than you can imagine. It will turn your relationship toxic, and your partner will feel suffocated. Emotionally unavailable men do not deal with such feelings well, and it causes more distress.
So instead of fighting, sit down and talk about what’s disturbing you.
10. Take small steps at a time
Emotionally unavailable men often get overwhelmed with a committed relationship, so you must break down the goals for them.
Take one step at a time. Start with telling them how they make you feel, followed by some questions that also include “How do you feel about me?”.
Don’t approach them aggressively. Instead, be gentle and empathetic, if you genuinely wish to make a place in his heart.
11. Don’t dismiss your feelings in the process
An ideal relationship achieves a balance between give-and-take. Unfortunately, in a relationship with a man who is emotionally closed, this is off and can take a lot from you.
So, if your heart says, “enough is enough” it’s time you let go, or else you will lose yourself. Reflect on your mental health, focus on your feelings, and know when it is time to let go.
12. Every man is different
Not all emotionally unavailable men are the same. Hence, their thinking pattern and levels of unavailability are also different. In this case, no one can guide you the way to his heart except your own self.
Understand the pattern of his emotional unavailability and figure out ways to foster a healthy relationship with him.
13. Seek Professional help
If your efforts to bring him on the same page are continuously failing, you must seek an expert.
Remember, there’s no shame in considering couples counseling if your relationship is suffering. Often, a third eye can help you identify issues that you both couldn’t and suggest viable solutions.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Connecting with emotionally unavailable men needs time, patience, and a custom plan that works ONLY for them.
If you still cannot build a connection, self-introspect and find out if you want to keep trying or walk away.
It may hurt you at the moment, but in the long run, it will allow you to seek a happy and fulfilling love life.
