Divorce regret is the remorse and longing you feel after you get a divorce. Though a healthy choice for some, divorce can affect others with feelings of grief and pain.
And if you’re the same, you’re not alone. You definitely need therapy to get over it. But before that, you need to identify the roots.
So, first, let’s understand the major causes behind this negativity…
20 Reasons Why People Suffer From Divorce Regret
A divorce sounds final, inevitable, and well-thought-out. But, many divorcees start to turn back time and undo their choices.
People often call them wishy-washy or fickle-minded. But you can’t blame them because reality dawns only when they lose something good.
So, let’s know the popular realizations behind this feeling!
1. The emotional turmoil from divorce becomes more than expected
The end of a relationship can cause long-running and extreme grief, anxiety, anger, guilt, and even depression.
Some people find it so painful and overwhelming that they regret the divorce and can’t cope with the separation.
2. It affected the children
Parents often play down the effect a divorce can have on children. But children suffer from separation anxiety and even anger issues because of a divorce.
So, when couples find out their children are suffering, they regret their decision.
3. It had heavy financial consequences
Divorce can cause a lot of financial problems like division of assets, receiving or paying child support, and other monetary or property settlements.
Often, one partner earns, and the other earns. So, after the divorce, they are forced to get a job or even postpone retirement, which leads to major regret.
4. They were at fault
People realize that they were the reason when the same problem appears in the second relationship. And major regret seeps in when they understand their partner was a great catch!
5. A lot of loneliness
Married couples spend most of their time together. So, after the divorce, they obviously miss their partner’s company. As a result, they end up regretting the divorce.
6. Rejection, stigma, and judgment of their loved ones
People often face rejection from their in-laws and the judgment of their loved ones after divorce. They don’t get invited to the usual parties and get-togethers.
The stigma makes them feel left out, and they regret getting a divorce.
7. They gave up too soon
Most people believe they’ve thought things through when getting a divorce, but they often don’t. Usually, they make those decisions impulsively. As a result, they might regret not having fought for the marriage.
8. Unfair expectations from spouse
It cannot be someone else’s responsibility to ensure your happiness. But couples often have these unrealistic expectations of each other.
From that, resentment builds, resulting in the end of the relationship. So, when one realizes where they went wrong, people regret it big time!
9. They did not express their feelings enough
Relationships last only with both-sided clear and effective communication of feelings. When couples bottle up their emotions and push things under the carpet, it can often build resentment.
So, they may regret a divorce once they realize they could have saved it just by talking about their feelings.
10. They weren’t accountable
Accountability builds trust in relationships, which is its foundational stone. But when partners don’t take responsibility for their actions and resort to blame games, it can result in fallouts.
People also regret jumping to divorce when they realize accountability could have saved what they had.
11. They believed: No Fights = Everything’s Fine
Fights are a necessary part of a healthy relationship. So, when you stop fighting, something is definitely wrong. It means that you are pushing things under the carpet rather than addressing issues. This can foster grudges, resulting in the death of a relationship.
Often divorcees regret not picking this sign earlier. They believe they could have stopped it just by talking about your issues.
12. They didn’t end things with enough civility
People often regret a divorce when they realize they made things way more messy than necessary.
They regret saying hurtful things to each other. They feel they spoiled their chance of reconciliation.
13. They didn’t take couples counseling
Couples counseling can save a marriage even when things are drastically bad. It helps them actively communicate and solve their issues.
So, a person might regret a divorce if they don’t take a chance with professional help.
14. They invested too much in social media
Another factor is mindlessly scrolling through social media when they were married. Instead, they want to turn back time and focus more on their partners. They feel things wouldn’t have gone so wrong if they focused on the right place.
15. They did not set enough boundaries with their in-laws
People rarely have a good relationship with their in-laws. This leads to blaming and disrespect, and hostility in the marriage. It can even lead to a divorce.
So, people regret not having strict boundaries around in-laws. They blame their in-laws for the divorce altogether.
16. They were too friendly with another ex
People who have been divorced twice hate the fact that they stayed in contact with the first ex. Their ex acted so friendly that their then-present spouse didn’t take it in a good way.
They wish they had gotten a clean break to save their second marriage.
17. They combined their finances
Married couples usually end up combining their finances. Even though that sounds like a good idea, it often becomes the reason behind their separation. It also leads to infidelity and money problems. So, partners may regret divorce because they did not keep theirs.
18. They prioritized their career ahead of their family
Many people regret their divorce because they put their careers ahead of their families. They believe that if they had done otherwise, they would have been able to save their marriage.
19. They did not listen to their gut feelings
A person might regret their divorce if they did not listen to their gut feelings about the decision.
They thought that the separation was what they wanted. But deep in their hearts, they knew that they still wanted their partner.
20. They didn’t spend enough time together
When a person feels things would’ve been different if they’d spent more time together, that’s another reason. They want to reconcile and also miss spending time with their partner.
If you can’t stop regretting your divorce but want to move on, keep reading!
How To Get Over Divorce Regret – 10 Tips
Getting over divorce regret is a long process. But a few tips can help you pick the pace and get peace sooner, like these…
1. Journal the meaning of the regret
In a journal, write what this regret means to you and what you truly want. This will help you recognize your feelings and eventually accept them.
2. Identify what aspects of the divorce you regret
Is it the fact that things turned ugly in the end? Do you regret not having a future with them? Or is it because of how it affected your children?
Recognize the source of the emotion in order to accept it.
3. Understand if it’s about the divorce process or the loss of your marriage
If you regret the divorce process and your reactions, you will eventually get over it. But if you’re sad about losing what you had, you need serious help. This is not easy to work through. So, identify your issue.
4. Note when these feelings of regret peak
Notice in which emotional state these feelings come up or peak. If it happens when you are only emotionally charged, it means that your feelings of regret aren’t that strong. You may miss them now and then, but you know these feelings will go away.
But if it happens when you’re calm, it’s something serious.
5. Create a mantra for yourself
Create a mantra for yourself to get over these feelings of regret. It can be something like, ‘I will accept and get over these feelings of regret.’
Patiently follow this, and you’ll eventually notice the change in your emotional well-being.
6. Silence the inner critic
Your inner critic or voice criticizes and judges you and even tells you that you are not good enough. It even says that everything negative in your life is your fault. So, you need to silence that voice, and only then can you make some progress.
7. Remember why you got the divorce
After the end of a relationship, people only remember the rosy bits of the relationship. Sometimes, they even put their partner on a pedestal.
So, try to remember the bad bits, and you’ll ground yourself to reality and let go. You’ll know it wouldn’t have worked either way.
8. Write down the reasons why your marriage was not working
Was it because there was no communication or intimacy? Or was it because you did not trust each other?
Write things down. This will help you remind the issues even when the guilt becomes unbearable.
9. Make a plan for going forward
Plan something to help yourself in the next few months. Figure out ways to get over the divorce and find yourself again.
It might be opting for counseling, spending more time with people, or joining a support group for divorcees. Learn new perspectives, and it’ll help you even more!
10. Focus on your personal growth
You must prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical state and improve it for this. Let go of negativities, invest in hobbies, take up professional challenges, and strengthen the bond with your loved ones. This will keep you busy and distracted from these issues.
Is divorce regret inevitable?
Only you can truthfully answer whether you will regret your divorce or not. Moreover, you can’t figure it out until a few weeks have passed after the whole process.
That’s when you adjust to the big change and understand whether things were better off before.
But the chances of divorce regret spike if you had children, wrongfully blamed your partner, or neglected your family.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Divorce regret can make you feel confused and hopeless about your situation. You may beg your ex to return only to repeat the process. So, instead, try to focus on your issue and seek a therapist’s help.
If you guys are meant to be, you’ll reconcile. But don’t be too optimistic, and always think realistically for a fulfilling future!
Are you interested to know more about ‘First Relationship After Divorce’ then click here?
Are you interested to know more about ‘Do Guys Ever Come Back After Rejecting You’ then click here?
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...