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80 20 Rule Relationships – Definition, Origin, How To Apply & Much More

80 20 Rule Relationships – Definition, Origin, How To Apply & Much More

Updated on Sep 13, 2023

80 20 Rule Relationships - Definition, Origin, How To Apply & Much More

If you think 80 20 rule relationships are new… you’re wrong. This theory has been around since the beginning of the 1900s.

And it is a great way to make your relationship FAIR and SQUARE!

The rule helps sort out issues in your relationship and promotes contentment and love. The secret is how much you and your partner will take care of each act.

So, if you’re curious now, head right in!

What are 80 20 rule relationships? 

According to the 80 20 rule of relationships, you should only depend on your partner for 80% of your happiness. You must stay accountable for 20% of your desires and happiness.

It also implies that 80% of the frustrations in your relationship are caused by only 20% of the problems. So, if you focus on the good things and manage your expectations, your relationship will be worthwhile.

Wondering what’s the basis of this rule? Let’s get your answer here…

What are the origins of this rule?

This rule was developed by and named after the Italian economist Vifredo Pareto in 1896 and called Pareto Princple.

Pareto observed that 80% of Italy’s land was owned by 20% of the population. Moreover, he discovered that 80% of the pea harvest in his garden came from only 20% of the plants. 

He realized that this ratio was found in various physical processes and that it could be applied to economics as well. 

In the 1940s, this principle was developed by Dr. Joseph Juran to manage business production quality. 

He demonstrated that 80% of product defects come from 20% of problems related to production methods. So, by addressing those problems, a company could improve its products. 

Even though the Pareto Principle was originally used by businesses to earn a profit, it was then applied in different aspects of life. 

But there’s more science hidden in this rule. So, keep scrolling through…

What is the connection between the 80-20 rule in relationships and the law of attraction?

The law of attraction says that “like attracts like.” 

Moreover, it also says that whatever you place the most of your attention and energy on, you will end up attracting that thing in your life. 

Therefore, one of the ways you can achieve your goals in your relationship is to have a positive mindset.  

So, the Pareto Principle and the law of attraction revolve around energies attracting similar energies.

Moreover, another similarity is that both of these principles are quantitative. So, applying these two laws simultaneously indicates that 80% of a person’s difficulties are caused by only 20% of their wrong actions and vice-versa.

Wondering how to incorporate this in your love life? Keep reading for answers!

How to apply 80 20 rule in relationships?

Most couples find this rule complicated, but it is actually not. You just need a bit of motivation and consistency from both your ends. So, follow the next steps to make it work!

1. Examine your daily schedule and routine

Identify the parts of your relationship which give you the maximum pleasure. For that, examine your daily routine.

For example, the highlight of your day might be when you watch a movie with your partner at night after work. Work on maximizing those areas and minimizing discomfort. 

2. Embrace each other’s flaws

Loving your partner is easy when things are going great. But you must also remember to embrace each other’s flaws. 

So, when you remember the 80% you like about your partner, you can deal with the 20% that is not so lovable. For example, their romantic side may compensate for their sarcastic one. 

3.  Stop trying to find the perfect relationship

Remember that your partner can and needs to meet only 80% of your needs. For the rest, you need to tend to yourself. 

So, stop looking for the perfect partner or relationship because it does not exist. 

When you care for your 20% needs, you also become more independent. This takes some pressure away from your partner’s shoulders.

4. Discuss everything and agree

Make sure that you discuss everything with your partner. For the rule to work, both of you must be on the same page and willing to contribute equally. Your partner does, just like you need to do your 20%.  

5. Try relationship counseling

If you cannot figure out the specifics of this principle and how to apply it, consult a relationship counselor. 

A professional knows the basics and can even adapt it to suit the needs of your relationship specifically. 

Need some more ideas to apply the rule? Here are some scenarios to consider…

Places To Apply 80 20 Rule Relationships – 10 Examples

This rule is definitely not easy to apply if you don’t use the right proportions in the right place. So, let’s figure out some of the best examples to make it smoother!

1. Quality time

Being a couple does not mean you must spend every breathing moment together. 

Instead, if you make 20% of your time spent together memorable, you can increase the relationship’s satisfaction by 80%. 

So, go on and have that candlelight dinner once in a while to make each other happy.

2. Conflict settlement

When couples have disagreements, it is often found that only 20% of the problems cause 80% of troubles and stress. 

So, identify and focus on the major pain points. When you work on the main issues, you can resolve most of your conflicts. 

3. Shared interests

It is almost impossible for couples to share all of their interests. So, to increase the happiness in your relationship by 80%, share about 20% of your interests. Find things both of you enjoy doing or things that both of you want to try. 

4. Communication

To foster healthy communication in your relationship, only 20% of all communication must be verbal. 

The rest of it is communicating through emotions, facial expressions, and body language. Therefore, it is important to understand each other’s emotional cues and body language. 

5. Regular and little romantic gestures

To increase your partner’s appreciation of you by 80%, increase your romantic gestures by 20%. 

This does not mean that you just have to do something grand. Focus on doing the little things, like making your partner breakfast in bed. 

6. Personal space

One of the ways you can increase your relationship’s overall contentment by 80% is to recognize each other’s need for personal space. 

So, spend 20% of your time with yourselves to do your own thing. In that way, you can tend to your own needs before you tend to the needs of your relationship

7. Compromise

A way to decrease the tension in your relationship by 80%, you just need to reach a compromise on 20% of the things. 

Recognize each other’s needs and the importance of compromise. In that way, you can increase empathy, compassion, and overall satisfaction in the relationship. 

8. Encouragement

If you want to increase gratitude in your relationship, invest 20% of your time supporting and encouraging your partner to realize their goals. With that, you show your partner that you care for them.

9. Responsibility sharing

The chore distribution in relationships is never equal. So, ensuring that each partner takes the 20% they are best at is important. That can make the rest of the work feel less burdened. 

Moreover, when you share responsibilities, you show each other that you don’t take each other’s time for granted. 

10. Intimacy

To make sure that your relationship is fulfilling, recognize the importance of intimacy. But intimacy alludes to both physical and emotional intimacy

So, you need to be physically intimate only 20% of the time. Meanwhile, fill the remaining 80% with emotional intimacy.

Wondering how this rule makes your relationship better? Let’s know it all here!

10 Benefits of 80 20 Rules in Relationships

The 80-20 rule can benefit your relationship in more ways than expected. So, let’s dive in to understand why you must embrace it ASAP!

1. It helps you remove negative thoughts

The rule makes you focus on the good things your partner brings to the table. So, when you celebrate the positives, it makes your relationship richer and more fulfilling. 

2. It encourages you both to prioritize the present

As time passes by, partners may lose sight of the present. As resentment builds, there is always a persistent fear of what the future might bring. When you apply this principle, you remember to make your present moments together better. 

3. It enhances personal growth

The rule asks you to recognize the need for personal space. If and when you give yourself that space, it allows you to follow your own passions and interests, leading to self-discovery and growth. 

4. It makes you more caring towards each other

When you apply this rule, you start acknowledging and doing the little things you can do every day to make your partner happy. And that makes your partner want to do the same things for you.

5. It helps you in identifying the problem areas

The rule helps you figure out the major pain points, triggers, and reasons for having disagreements. It makes you reach a compromise that works for both of you. Therefore, it makes it easier to find a solution.

6. It leads to a healthy amount of introspection

By applying the principle, you introspect by focusing on the major issues your partner has with you. This further improves your personal growth and supports the development of your relationship. 

7. It improves communication

The rule asks you to listen more than you speak, that is almost 80% of the time. It makes you practice the art of active listening while holding off any judgment. So, it makes your partner believe that you value what they have to say.

8. It makes you utilize your resources better

Since you are trying to make the best use of your time spent together, you utilize your resources better. For example, you may ask a family member to babysit your kid while you and your partner go on a date. 

9. It makes you more appreciative

By shifting your focus on the things your partner brings on the table, the Pareto principle can make you more appreciative of your partner. For example, you may start appreciating how they listen to or support you through thick and thin. 

10. It fosters understanding, respect, and patience

The rule makes you learn to accept their individuality, which obviously includes certain flaws. As a result, you are more patient when dealing with them. It makes you more understanding and respectful.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

Every relationship has its rough patches. There are even certain times when partners cannot even bear to look at each other. But to minimize those times in your relationship, you need to follow the 80 20 principle. The Pareto principle offers you a special lens through which you can look at the relationship, making you focus on the positives and root out the major problems.

Are you interested to know more about ‘Concerning Flaws In A Relationship’ then click here?